Baz

03.06.16 Had a behavioural issue today with Simran we fell out over it, then later after evaluating it in my mind and rewinding the episode in my mind and trying to grasp it and understand why it happened and the pin point reason I sat simran down and we talked it through bit by bit piece by piece. Time will tell on weather this was fruitful or not so will need to keep a watchful eye. Tomorrow I'm attending a two day course on Coaching with the coaching academy. I had thoughts of how comes l haven't found my dream career or lets call it my passion. This seriously is bugging me and has been for years. Had emotions of really wanting to go for it really thrusting for it but then asking myself what is it. I'm 43 years old and dream of making it in ten years. 04.05.16 procrastination kicked in today as it probably does everyday it's just today I was aware of it and concious of it. Massive thoughts and emotions Today about just feel empty with any form of relationship with my sister really really feel we've got absolutely nothing in common. I just can't relate to her or her ethic we just are from different worlds. I constantly just see a lazy, unfit, no ambition, person whenever I'm around her presence. When I look at her I think... there is no way on this planet that I want to be anything like her nor do I even look up to her. This is real emotions I'm talking her. Sad isn't it very very sad, but it's a reality it's the truth. And I believe this doesn't help the matter us living under the same roof so I want to move out as it's proven that we get along better not living together. Feel trapped and I sure don't as hell don't like it. Need to get out of this situation as it's holding me back.

31.05.16 didn't have time for a full session of daily meditation today although still felt good fo doing what I could because I made sure of it, so this surely is a good sign of trying to maintain positive habits. Not sure how to inform friends and family that I'm keeping myself at a distance need to keep conscious of this and find a harmonious way to communicate this not only to myself but to others. I can't tell you enough how much I DON'T want a life that of not following the herd. I have been there and done that far to long in my life. Maybe I am a dreamer maybe I am asking for the impossible, maybe I am fooling myself, maybe I do need to "wake up and smell the coffee" as they say. Whatever it is I'm determined and adamant to make a go of it. I want it and I'm prepared to make it. 1.06.16 Today was nice invited to ux by sister shiv for dinner which was unexpected. Considering I was thinking otherwise just the other day thinking how it wasn't in her interest to come to Chine even though she visited Talbot. (I guess I may have an expectation) and wasn't even aware of it. Bike ride with kids was an experience really went behond and broke barriers with Simran with regards to pushing her fitness levels and her fear of bike rising (I'm going to stick to my guns on this on) and say I'm glad I did. Keep going baza with all your self development it's fucking hard but it will pay off. I'm really still in turbulence mode with it all but I I'm going to keep my feet on the fire.

@Baz 30.05.16 Today ì pretty much was reading all day researching on coaching and came a cross some fantastic material. All this reading I'm doing lately is different for in terms of good habit, never used to be like this was more into social events. Im slowly realising that what I'm finding emotionally difficult and emotionally hard is actually a good thing for me personally, still adjusting to this haven't yet fully grasped it because the way I've always thought about this is that if something I'm working on is like this then it's not worth doing and ì slow give up. And you know what I'm glad I'm shifting my paragdim. P-DIDDY came home today and had tea and food he hasn't come over in ages like this because him and mum haven't been getting along for quite some time. I'm glad tho that he came over hopefully this is a start to making amends even if it's not going to ever be exactly how it was between them it's still in my eyes a positive progress. Another thing I want to touch base on is everyday I can't stop visualising myself talking about all this personal development I'm doing to the brothers and others got to be mindful about this as I don't want to preach it better still I'd rather come at it to people in a way in which I'm educating it and advising it. Got to master it myself first tho which is a very very scary process.

So helpful to read, very refreshing thank you.

Defo a good one to do.

Thank you, I'm going to try your recommendations, the train concept is very interesting.