Baz

26.06.16 Today I felt a sence of what I can only describe as self actualization inner joy. I just felt so wonderful about everything I was smiling from within. I must say I haven't felt this feeling, emotion, thought, as pure as this ever before if I could feel like this everyday WOW!!!! That would be priceless and if this is a hint of how self actualization feels then this is an amazing experience. Or for that matter whatever this is experience is I want to feel like this everyday.

25.06.16 Today I thought about how I need to be mindful of needing to keep the right balance of how much input I have with my niece and nephew who are aged 7 & 8 because I don't want the next 10 years to go by and realized that I have put my life on hold and not focusing on my life to be filled and have a purpose and a meaning. It's a hard balance to follow because they don't have dad or a role model although saying that I already play the role model I guess. Also on another note I've been practicing a lot of mindfulness of being in the moment, like here I am I'm Bharat I'm eating, here I am I'm Bharat brushing my teeth, and so on and so forth. I have to it's works back to back with being mindful I feel as though they work hand in hand with each other. And to top it I'm noticing in other people around me are not mindful and not even noticing what they are doing in the moment. I'm very interested in the out come of what this will become as I try to practice it daily.

24.06.16 my meditation is working really well helping me smoothly deal and cope with anxiety I've found an amazing difference. Also my awareness on my thoughts throughout the day really has made me be more concious and finding that I'm reading my thoughts better and as a result it's creating a coping mechanism.

23.06.16 practicing self actualization and seeing the difference in myself is so wonderful. It's so wired even more so how I see other people and how they are and the differences of being on a hero's journey and others who don't even know a hero's journey exists. They don't even know or are aware of a self Actualized life. I'm certainly seeing the difference that's not at all to say they are worse off or bad in anyway it just came to mind today that I'm definitely seeing a shift in paragdim in myself compared to others who follow the herd because that all they know. I've got a long way to go through with my journey in self actualization.

20.06.16 so many negative emotions today, just can't stop viewing my dad's and sisters faults... grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! And all I seem to want to do is move out. I'm trying to understand my reality but just can't accept it and fear that this situation is going to drag me down and I'm going to end up not fulfilling my life. I know nobody is picture perfect and everybody has there faults but because I'm trying to work on myself and areas that I want to improve I'm expecting others to do the same, is that feeling and thinking over ambitious it's so frustrating. A big part of me is saying moving out is the answer although I'm not financially independent yet. Or is it that I'm not able to deal with this and just want to run away from it. I love my family to bits although not to the degree of living like this. Am over analyzing it? I'm trying to make the necessary changes in my life and in doing so it's making me become further apart from my family and mainly the relationship with my dad and sister.

19.06.16 I am feeling as though I need to be more tolerant but how does one find a way to do this?

18.06.16 Today I cried ? my emotions took over and my thoughts created it, I guess all this deep self development is taking its toll. Went to visit my good friend Viral which was a delightful as always. Another friend of mine today said to me sometimes you just have to let the wave ride and go with it, he said it's absolutely amazing and most definitely worth working on ones self development however be mindful whichever self development journey you embark on be sure you don't loose your essence, your spark, basically try not to loose yourself. He said I've known you a very very long time for years I've known you and I can confidently say your a people's person you love beening around people and you love helping people be aware and mindful you don't loose that part of you. It's ironic that this was said today because I do feel I'm distancing myself a lot from friends and family I've recently realized I'm very much enjoying my own company as it gives time to focus reflect and work on myself without any distractions. I just want to make productive and successful positive nessary changes to my life. I do not want to follow the herd like I've always done and to do this and make this change requires change and I'm going to continue to implement the nessary changes into my life.

17.06.16 Today was frightened about where my future is heading, it's very scary I live with my family mum dad sister and niece six years old and nephew eight years old. We have no financial security just living hand to mouth I want to move out but first and to become financially independent I'm afraid if I don't peruse my own path then I'm going to be stuck living a life of chores within my family. Don't get me wrong I love and care about them to bits however we are not a bonded family. And don't share the same vision or end goals for making us all more of a unit. Everyone pritty much does there own thing mum is the main one who trys to keep us all as close as possible to try and make sure we all don't drift apart and lead our own lives. To be brutally honest we are already doing just that it's like living with lodges the only difference is we are related. I don't want my life to be lived this way and I'm working on it for it not to be it's so fucking difficult though. I don't want a daily life whereby the clock is just ticking away until I reach my death bed. I want a meaningful purposeful life a life of fulfillment I know this is going to require exceptionally hard work on my part.

16.06.16 today I spoke with some family and friends and they asked me where have I been at all the social gatherings? they said I'm no where to be seen, as in the past well, up until January this year I was always at every social get together and even more so I organized a lot of social get togethers with friends and family. I've noticed however since working on my self development I have hardly been out and about on all these social events as I feel its a major distraction and also I've done it for many many years and now feel I need to work on my circle of influence to better what I can learn from influential people. I explained this to them and luckily for me they supported me with their response. Still really find it extremely difficult to have a harmonious relationship with my sister and father. We don't argue we just are opposite paradigms and our views and principles are completely different in fact we get along better living separately. Hence I really want to work on the area of total financial independence so that I can move out.

15.06.16 Today I felt a sence of the hard work towards working on self actualization a concrete investment for my future ahead. Most certainly it's very hard work and emotionally difficult at times its draining although having self awareness and trying to keep a concious mind does help very much. Still trying to find my passion which is a challenge to say the least. I just need to stay focused and be aware of any distractions feels like there is so much to juggle and especially as I've never ever worked on my self development at this level. Leo's dream killers videos are so amazingly helpful I urge everyone to watch them.

14.06.16 A lot can change in one day and realised to trust faith as I keep pushing forward to live to my full potential. Today I mentioned to mum that I have 10 years to make my life more meaningful purposeful financially successful find my passion and really trust forward to self actualization. Sometimes I think to myslef am I working hard enough on my self to make this happen? Am I expecting to much to soon? Am I realistic? I tell you what though meditation is most certainly a life line to align a lot of what one wants out of life.

13.06.16 Today thoughts ran through my mind that my reality is as follows. Have no job, no partner, shit relationship with my dad and sister, got no money, have no pin point direction in my career, am I becoming a loner, I realistically have 20-25 years to make it in all the above. I work on a lot of self development to make and teach myself how to become fulfilled and to live my life for a purpose so it has a legacy for me to leave behind. I also had paranoid thought's on how my sister could fuck us over that really made me feel on edge. I'm 43 years old and can't even afford much infact can't afford anything I live at home with my mum n dad sister and her two kids. This this is my reality

11.06.16 it's been six months now since I've been following Actualized.org what a journey it's been and challenging, nervous, unsure, overwhelmed at times, confused, hard work, emotions all over the show. Bottom line though well worth it may not see it now but I feel it's a Sayer and not a player. Really feel confused at times although clarity seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to make sure I live a life of purpose fulfillment and meaning. I do not want to die living a life following the herd.

09.06.16 felt a little tired today with all my personal development and self actualization work, really feeling it taking its toll. It's scary in all honesty and sometimes I think am I just better off going back to my non self development life. All this self study is making me wonder is there going to be an end to it, is there ever going to be a point were no more self development is needed, doing all this does it mean I'm disconnecting from the real world, or am I working towads the real world grrrrrrrrrrr I'm really confused right now could it be I'm searching for nothing and becoming derlooded to thinking all this actually works. I mean I don't even have laughs that much like before feel as though I've become way to serious in life on the other hand I feel as though all my self development and working on the Actualized.org is opening me up to a magnificent meaningful and fulfilling purposeful life and I'm feeling like this now because it's working and that all this hard work is preparing me for my next chapter. I guess what I'm trying to say is, is it all worth it in the end of not. 10.06.16 Today was very mindful and I was trying very hard to be concious at all times felt very challenging to say the least. I'm still finding it difficult to live at home relationship with my sister is not healthy. I've mentioned this before in my daily journal. I find it very hard to live with her. I can't help but keep on thinking about the bad points here are just a few to mention. She lazy, unfit, messy, her diet is not good at all, her stress levels are off the roof, she lacks focus, the list goes on. I do try to look at her good points shes kind, caring, considerate, she hasn't had a good past broken boyfriend relationship with her ex boyfriend who beat her up and controlled her life for just over a decade, she has two kids with him boy and girl, because of her past and her lack of self awareness she has made repeated life mistakes which have coursed tremendous set backs, she always lacked confidence, and I can't help but think shes a burden, she moved in to our family home together with kids, and it's a handful I help out over 25 hours with my time and attention to he kids they are adorable but so much hard work and I feel that it's not my duty to this level. I have my own life to live and feel it's her bed she should lay in it. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. I am working a lot since January this year on my self development to help me deal with it. Leo material everyday, meditation, reading books, etc etc.

Thank you, I'm going to try your recommendations, the train concept is very interesting. My meditation is going great reckon I'm on stage two, I just wanted ask does anyone like me medeitate lying down on there back eyes open. I find this to be very effective however I may be doing it wrong with regards to position so just wanted to ask. As a lot of the time I hear "sit on a chair"

09.06.16 felt a little tired today with all my personal development and self actualization work, really feeling it taking its toll. It's scary in all honesty and sometimes I think am I just better off going back to my non self development life. All this self study is making me wonder is there going to be an end to it, is there ever going to be a point were no more self development is needed, doing all this does it mean I'm disconnecting from the real world, or am I working towads the real world grrrrrrrrrrr I'm really confused right now could it be I'm searching for nothing and becoming derlooded to thinking all this actually works. I mean I don't even have laughs that much like before feel as though I've become way to serious in life on the other hand I feel as though all my self development and working on the Actualized.org is opening me up to a magnificent meaningful and fulfilling purposeful life and I'm feeling like this now because it's working and that all this hard work is preparing me for my next chapter. I guess what I'm trying to say is, is it all worth it in the end or not.

Today a question came up in my mind which was.... do we as humans have life transformations? what I mean by this is do we come across certain timezones in our life whereby we want more answers so we go into some sort of personal development or self help phase. Let me try and explain this a bit more clearly. So me for example in 2008 "The Secret" came into my life, then in 2014 "The cimp paradox" came into my life, and now in 2016 "Leo and his actualized.org" came into my life and honestly speaking all of these episodes came into my life by sheer chance no search or planning was done from my part what so ever all of these came into my life harmoniously. Now don't get me wrong I'm over the moon about it, I'm just asking is this the universe? Or some sort of higher power? Or is it me calling it and I don't even know it? Is it god? Because all of these episodes are having life transforming experiences in my life. Can anyone help me out with a possible answer?

Thank you 99th_monkey for the reply I love the way you describe it from the view of a river. I'd say I do control it to a certain degree I want to control it more and I'm working on it, through Leo's material I'm trying to do just that. I'm defo enjoying the ride, sometimes though I find Leo's material such a challenge as I've NEVER worked on myself the way he puts it. You mentioned take it as it comes, but that's easier said than done because its hard work and loads and loads of effort has to be put which I'm up for but just adjusting to Leo's theories and methods.

08.06.16 Today a question came up in my mind which was do we as humans have life transformations what I mean by this is do we come across certain timezones in our life whereby we want more answers so we go into some sort of personal development or self help phase. Let me try and explain this a bit more clearly. So me for example in 2008 "The Secret" came into my life, then in 2014 "The cimp paradox" came into my life, and now in 2016 "Leo and his actualized.org" came into my life and honestly speaking all of these episodes came into my life by sheer chance no search or planning was done from my part what so ever all of these came into my life harmoniously. Now don't get me wrong I'm over the moon about it, I'm just asking is this the universe? Or some sort of higher power? Or is it me calling it and I don't even know it? Is it god? Because all of these episodes are having life transforming experiences in my life. Can anyone help me out with a possible answer?

So Im super shy going up to women whom I'd find attractive and like to ask out or even a friendly chat. I just freeze or thought's go through my mind saying, she's gona judge me on what I do for a living, or she's not going to be interested the moment I mention I live at home, or my bank balance isn't enough. (And in all honesty it's not) Seriously it sucks because I'd love to have a girlfriend. I consider myself to be fun to be with, I come from a background of amazing friends/family I've watched leo's videos on it and it isn't helping unfortunately. (So loving leo's work though it's absolutely amazing) please don't think I'm wired I'm just a normal fella who wants to have a fulfilling meaningful and purposeful life. Any help, guidance, advise, would be very much appreciated.

Thanx Mal, there is a lot of food for thought on what your staying very much appreciated. ?

07.06.16 so I've started a daily activity log something to get more focused and organized on just tuff like what I need to do on daily bases, basically getting shit done. It's like a time allocation I've set myself for things that I need to do throughout my day this is very helpful because throughout the day we all waste so much time on shit, shit that ain't no help what so ever in our lives, like watching TV or playing Xbox, or wasting time with people who just complain, complain, dragging you down etc etc.

06.06.16 Today found it to be a mixture of both feeling good for taking action on research on the career getting shit done, then later felt a massive sence of fear that of where am I going with this actualized.org stuff to be Frank I'm feeling mind fucked and I'm not sure if I like it. Shall I just go back into the rat race follow the herd because in some ways that's not always a bad thing. Deep down I don't want to but to follow Leo is so fucking hard and emotionally draining sometimes. Don't get me wrong Leo is doing an awesome job but fuck me this is so hard and I'm changing over it feel as though I'm disconnecting from my network of friends and family which I've had for decade's. It's scary to say the least.

05.06.16 so today was my final day attending the course with The Coaching Academy met some very interesting people from all walks of life. It's so interesting to hear other people's life stories there background and what areas in life they are finding it to be a struggle and it even more so, it amazes me how similar people's struggles are, when all or at least most of the time you think your the only one. Just fascinates me how much one has in common with another person they have never ever met before. And how much my eyes see how perfect or my mind believes everyone else's lives look problem free and mines is the messed up one. I couldn't be further enough from the truth. One question I offten ask myself is... if something in ones life is difficult and draining shall one still continue it or just let it go? Isn't it meant to be that if something is difficult then that's all the more reason to have it mastered and keep at it. I've been working on Leo's material since January this year and as much as I find it amazingly mind blowing and inspirational it's fucking hard to get self Actualized.