LambdaDelta

I believe so, if you feel authentically called to this spiritual path, you oughta walk it with your best effort. The reason nobody is awake is that it's hard. "God helps those who help themselves", "Man proposes, God disposes", etc. But, there's also "Whichever way you turn, there's the face of God", so while you may pursue God, don't forget he's already always here.

In my opinion, if you only wish to ease your social anxiety and not trying to do pickup, start treating her like you would any other person, ie other guys. And I don't mean talking about football and beer, but maintain the same attitude as with everyone else. The fact that she's a girl should change nothing. As someone who has zero interest in dating and the like, that's how I approach all my interactions, and I believe in many cases women actually appreciate this, being treated like a human being without some underlying sexual motives or subtle games being played. Also don't be too hard on yourself, we can't always be at our best. And maybe teasing is just part of her personality, not to do with you in particular. If you don't feel like playing along, then simply don't. I take it this is a work situation? Otherwise if you're not stuck there it might be much simpler to just find someone else to interact with, can't vibe with everyone and that's ok.

God consciousness is rather tricky. You exist as a limited human self, currently anyway. There are many things you cannot do in this state. These constraints were placed on you by yourself, but you're also not conscious enough to see exactly how that was done or how to undo them. And if you do manage to temporarily reach a state where that's possible, you'll no longer have any desire to generate riches out of thin air or similar human concerns. I'm open to being wrong on this, and to an extent such things are possible (Think and Grow Rich, etc.), but this tends to be my experience of God mode.

Remains to be seen how she approaches the cartel issue, that's still a major problem

Many here are likely in the same boat, myself included. I've given it some thought, but no concrete answers so far. The idea of holding out till you can reach a certain financial goal or whatever doesn't seem right. Most likely you'd be miserable along the way, and it's necessary to learn to enjoy the process, which'll also bring about better and faster results. I'm contemplating how to make the survival process more fun. One avenue could be to apply semi-spiritual knowledge and practices to it - spiral/ego development, intuition, mindfullness, various psychological lenses, etc. and see what kind of results you get. That way it's more like a game. Ideally survival should end up running itself, with you paying minimal attention. That alone is very difficult to achieve, but also rewarding if one can learn to appreciate the work and intelligence that goes into it. Perhaps you do need to quit spirituality cold turkey for a time. Pursuing extremely high consciousness states is almost like 'chasing the dragon' on heroin, the deeper you go the worse the withdrawals will get. Consider doing a trip where you specifically ask yourself "How am I not appreciating the beauty of earthly life?". Look up evidence that there is in fact a lot of beauty and intelligence in it, even in the stupid and boring stuff. Personally I'm thinking I need a radical shift to shake things up, a shock to the senses. One of my problems is my life is too comfortable for my own good, maybe you can relate. Something like locking up a major portion of my savings somewhere inaccessible s.t. pressing survival concerns will force me to act, or else. The issue is my self-awareness is too advanced, which's a double-edged sword. On the one hand it's helpful, but since it all passes through an ego structure, it may also get co-opted to keep me in homeostatis. Hard to trick yourself into doing something once you know it's a trick and how it works. It's a constant struggle with yourself, an inner jihad. This spirituality stuff really is a one-way ticket, huh? Once seen it cannot be unseen, for better or worse. Anyhoo that's some of my ramblings, hopefully somewhat useful.

It's not common practice to throw modafinil in the mix, but anecdotally people appear to be having decent results with that, for more clarity during the experience and better recollection afterwards. I'm gonna add some armodafinil to my next disso trip and see how that goes. Combining stuff is just fine as long as you don't go completely overboard or something stupid like coke with opis. AL-LAD is rather weak, so I don't think adding only 75ug more will produce a particularly noticeable difference.

I don't have experience, but based on its properties it will surely require higher doses than traditional DMT freebase, plus I don't think it'll be active orally if you're interested in that ROA.

Surrender is tricky. On the one hand, it shouldn't be a struggle, quite the opposite in fact, it's a beautiful thing. But it's also challenging and emotionally painful due to all your attachments. Way I see it, it boils down to being able to realize and accept that all this 'hell' is really just perception and a part of your own self/reality, no better or worse than any other. Hell is not devoid of love, the love is there, you're just blind to it because you're too busy attaching negative meanings to the events around. But be extra careful with all this when in an unstable mental state, could end up doing more harm then good. If you're expecting hell, it just might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Trust your intuition and assessment of your current capabilities, if you don't feel up to it then it's wise to back off for a time.

They do? That's usually not the case, but energy shenanigans can certainly take place. Perhaps it's precisely your chronic burnouts that make you unable to handle these experiences without feeling drained. Tryptamines are pretty gentle overall, especially the 4-sub ones.

The duration of LSD makes it really great for creative work, lots of time to generate and write down ideas while you're in a free-flowing state. Though for this purpose the visuals might become a bit of a hassle as you'll have letters jumping around and such, making it difficult to read, paint, etc. Even for classical tripping the duration isn't that big of deal IMO. Worst case scenario if I get bored of the plateau I just pop a benzo and it stops fast, then a nice sleep with muscle relaxation. Also somehow I never managed to break through to the highest levels of God consciousness on LSD, even at a large dose of 2250ug. Some higher planes of existense for sure, but nowhere near the top. As someone immune to the 5-MeO series, my top for consciousness work, in no particular order, is 4-HO-MiPT, 3-HO-PCP, and 2C-E

That's an interesting experience. I agree that it makes you very comfortable with whatever you're doing and feeling in the moment, like a flow state. Recently I took some and went to gamble at a casino, something I usually never do, but on molly it was super fun and felt natural. Definitely more of a recreational substance, yet it can also be very therapeutic for some people. The neurotoxicity is a large disadvantage though. Plus that horrid sweet smell, gives me nausea just thinking about it. There's 6-APB which has a better safety profile and similar effects, but it's also a good deal weaker. The body sensations are sure nice, though I've had better on DMT once. Also apparently 5-MeO-MiPT is stronger in that regard, plus there's all the opis, especially the zene territory, if one's reckless enough to go there

Woah, that's quite the mix. Very nice!

Perhaps my best trip to date, but only because it builds on top of all the previous ones. Tried to structure it as best as I could, however at some points the thing being talked about requires context, but then that context finds itself backed by the very notions it's supposed to explain. Some related themes come to mind here - strange loop, paradox, Indra's net, social matrix, etc. For about 2 weeks prior, I haven't taken any substances, been doing pranayama, sexual transmutation, and some light meditation. Studied and contemplated various Sufi and Beguine texts. I believe all of this greatly helped set the tone. Close to midnight, I took 60mg of each on an empty stomach (these are very large doses), then proceeded to shower and make preparations like food, candles, and incense as I usually do while waiting for the comeup to begin. The beginning wasn't so great though. There were subtle, and then extreme, demonic overtones. Haunting and vivid visuals and sensations of various evil entities from mystical traditions, creepypastas, horror movies, urban legends, and so on. Point is, things were going south fast. I needed some escape. So I played Leo's Self-Love video. After a couple minutes in I managed to calm down, but then decided this won't do. Can't keep running from these fears, the time has come to integrate and transcend them. Made the counter-intuitive move to go back to those visions and attempt to apply Love to them, meaning I'd no longer hold all this ugly stuff as separate, but accept it as part of my own self and love it. Initially it was an incredibly bitter pill to swallow, akin to drinking poisoned water. However that's where burning with Love comes in, the bright white fire of consciousness lit up and burned it all away. I guess that's where the stereotypical imagery of religious nuts ranting about vanquishing evils with the divine light of God comes from. That's right, this metaphor is true, but of course their understanding is so limited that instead of burning with love they burn other people at the stake. The rest of the trip is overwhelmingly positive. This seems to be a recurring theme in my recent experiences, things going full-circle from suffering to joy. There are good reasons for that, I'm being taught the lesson that acceptance and integration are key in spiritual practice, so I try to apply the same principles in daily life and welcome such challenges. Case in point, I never have a purely bad trip. Things get just bad enough for me to understand important truths, the negative is always recontextualized into something great, it's only a matter of time. I preemptively forgave myself for inevitably forgetting some of the insights that would come to me during the trip. At multiple points throughout the experience I wanted to get up and write about it asap, but every time trusted myself and decided to continue, as more good stuff would surely happen. That's the fleeting nature of insight, it dissapears just as fast as it appeared. However the insights aren't really my own anyway, a lot are Leo's, and more broadly of the universe, and as such, there's an infinite capacity to produce them. This abundance means there's no need to worry about the loss of one or two - there'll always be more. Then again, each tiny part of the whole is also precious on its own, so it's wise to not be overly nonchalant either. I had an insight into how a spiritual ego may subtly co-opt the insights of others, justifying it with solipsism/nonduality for the purposes of self-aggrandizement. Somewhere along the way I also forgave and loved everyone who bullied me at school and other annoying people. Next came one more dip into darkness, I dove into the minds of serial killers and other 'evil' people. I've studied tons of crimes and evils of humanity and watched hours of gore of all kinds, so vividly imagining it all from their perspective was simple. I managed to love that, but in a bittersweet way. Had the circumstances been different, these people could have been contributing something to mankind instead. The suffering they cause is only to themselves, on multiple levels. The metaphysical, and also personal. These are miserable people, it's a sad state of mind when the only way one can experience love is by raping and torturing some child. But, them doing their evil stuff is ultimately what's required in the grand scheme of the universe's self-expression. Then came two profound realizations. I grasped the nature of inanimate objects as manifestations of universal Love, which they also possses in their own way. The love of a rock is first that it accepts itself as a rock, it doesn't need to be any other way. But it's also not attached to being a rock, it doesn't mind if you grind it to dust - it doesn't have a traditional sense of self. So on the whole, the love of a rock is being a rock, and selflessly allowing itself to be used in industrial manufacturing and whatnot. As I was marveling at all this, I also realized that for God, this is the most mundane and obvious stuff ever. But at the same time it also paradoxically understands how amazing it all is. There comes the human - a limited self to whom all this is grand and mysterious. God admires itself through a human mind in the process of realizing God's (and its own) divinity. Somewhat confusing, I guess it's a bit like a two-way mirror. This plays into the theme of the mundane and divine being the same, ultimately because they're one. As I have previously discovered, the lofty 10D realms of God consciousness can actually become boring if you visit too much, while there's immense beauty on this Earth that's easy to be blind to. Interestingly the majority of bodily sensations of love during all this were in the chest area, the heart chakra I believe. Another thing of note is that I've had a callback to my complete solipsism awakening, which the Love reinforced and complimented perfectly, and vice-versa. A couple relevant excerpts from my notes on that: "I checked how solid the illusion is. Biting my hand with all my force, and feeling intense pain as a result, told me two paradoxical things. First, that there's nothing at all to pain in the sense that it wasn't some objective property of reality, it was just perception. The resulting marks quickly disappeared in the following minutes after my focus shifted elsewhere. A supernatural self-healing power? If it's not in the field of my direct experience, it's not real, quite like how the textures in a videogame are only rendered as the player approaches them. But second, at the same time there's nothing more real than pain, in the sense that it was all that was real in that moment, by which I mean what I was experiencing." "Then I realized my complete self-referential and self-defining nature, as Yahweh, "I am that I am", the Alpha and the Omega. My birth really was the immaculate conception in the truest sense. I am all the majorities and minorities, the whites, the blacks, the asians, the straights and the gays and everything in-between. The animals, the aliens, the roads, the plants, the stars. Ultimately all of these are one and the same, adding a true meaning to equality." "My intuitive disdain for lies, deceit, manipulation became all the more clear. All of these are in essense 'crimes' against myself. Yet at the same time I'm all the liars, cheaters, and frauds of the world, the most important fraud of them all being this very illusion. Ah, how hypocritical of me. I always disliked conflict. At least engaging in it, watching could be fun at times. I'm conflicted. What a mindfuck." "The self-reference is so dense I'm melting and collapsing into it. It's beautiful. Brings me to tears. All the infinite layers to the illusion for me to endlessly peel away at, what more could I ask for? Yes, the illusion gets unpleasant and nasty at times. But that's part of the beauty. The entire reason to even have this illusion is so that I can experience all the dualities that stem from it, which is something that's not possible at the absolute oneness domain, my highest nature". These may sound somewhat egotistical and perhaps not entirely correct, but it is what it is. At the peak I was so filled with Love, I didn't need anything at all, everything is already perfect as-is. Despite this, the fullness turned into overflowing, so I made a commitment to develop more empathy and compassion, and in general live my life to help others experience a sliver of this Love. I guess that's my life purpose in a broad sense, and the precise manifestation of it I'm still working out. After that the comedown begun, so I took some notes while still blissing out. A good way to sum up this trip is with one of my favorite poems, written by Fakhr al-Din Iraqi: "Beloved, I sought you here and there, asked for news of you from all I met; then saw you through myself and found we were identical. Now I blush to think I ever searched for signs of you." Well, that's that, the work continues.

Not in this one, it was very much focused on Love. I've had some insights into nothingness before, though I'll admit I haven't contemplated it as deeply as some other aspects. "All Roads Lead to Rome" hehe This book is new to me, but I'll be sure to put it on the list, premise sounds great. A lot of material to get through during this summer break!

Thanks brother! Love you too. I recently purchased 5/6 of Rumi's Masnavi. It's on my to-do list, hoping the final volume translation will be come soon. At the moment I'm reading Attar's Conference of the Birds, it's fucking amazing. Just in the prologue there were tons of passages that resonate deeply with my experiences and Leo's teachings. I've come to realize all this stuff has already been discovered hundreds of years ago, and described in various ways, none false, just different. Cheers! I did say in the brackets that the doses are very high, but perhaps not empathized enough. Then again someone randomly copying others' dosages without further research might need a spank on the ass in form of a bad trip. As for 4-HO's, I love both, but they're slightly different. 4-HO-MET is lighter, perhaps 30% or so weaker. Also much more visual, MiPT had much less visuals, though that may be something particular to me, lately I barely get any. For deep spiritual work I think I now prefer MiPT as well, which's not to underestimate the MET.

Interesting! Did not know that. Awesome. I'm originally from Russia, now living in Madrid, also studying in uni, although somewhat half-assedly

Thanks! Beguines is/was a Christian mystical order of women. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beguines_and_Beghards In particular I looked at Mechthild of Magdeburg, Hadewijch, and Marguerite Porete (eg. The Flowing Light of Divinity, The Mirror of Simple Souls) There's also a very good YT channel that has videos on them and much more similar stuff: https://www.youtube.com/@TheEsotericaChannel If you mean exploring evil minds during the trip, it was to test and deepen my capacity to love. I've never been particularly judgmental of such stuff, but that was more on the level of acceptance or simple not caring. Loving is much more challenging. Exploring them in the past has mostly been out of good old morbid curiousity and a bit of edgyness. In the end it's all for the best though, I suggest to try if you feel you're ready to handle it. True, I'm not exactly certain on this one either, like I said some of the solipsism insights may need revision. I'm leaving it open-ended for now. Funny you should mention the nose, once during a molly trip my brain lost the ability to filter it out, so for the entire duration I had split vision. Btw, I saw you say in another thread you're in Spain? That's cool, me too. I rarely see people do personal development and much less spirituality here.

Biden announces Israel's new offer for ceasefire https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/05/31/world/israel-gaza-war-hamas-rafah

I'm happy for you! "Invaded" has somewhat negative connotations though

I'm not aware of concrete practices specific to Sufis. A lot of them were devout Suni muslims, so standard stuff like praying 5 times a day, fasting, etc. What sets them apart is more openness, a focus on direct experience, and love/unity. Music and poetry are important, but how exactly they arrived at the insights that led to composing those is not super clear. From what I do know it wasn't anything too out of the ordinary. Deep meditation, contemplation, and prayer, often coupled with an ascetic lifestyle. You'll surely find more info on the specifics in their texts and biographies. E.g., some practical advice from Ibn Arabi: “Help and serve, as much as you can, the people who hide their misery, who are content with their poverty, the travelers on the path to truth. Do not attribute to yourself virtue, goodness, and graciousness because of your service to the creation. Consider that you owe other people thanks for having humbly accepted your help. It is incumbent upon you to lighten the load of those who are burdened. If people whose pain you have helped to alleviate cause you pain in return - if their responses, their ways, their habits are dark and cast shadows upon you - show patience and forbearance.”

https://www.youtube.com/@LetsTalkReligion This channel has some very good content about Sufis. Some more guys to read and study: Ibn Arabi, Ibn Sina, Suhrawardi, Attar, Ibn al-Farid, Ibn Sab'in, Al-Shushtari, Mansur Al-Hallaj, Hasan al-Basri, Fakhr al-Din Iraqi, Shams Tabrizi

Nice, I liked it. You speak clearly and confidently. Content wise too, particularly for newbies the information will be quite useful. However I think with some more pre-planning it could be made more concise, cutting down from 28 min. to like 20-23. Btw, you do kinda look like a lion

Totally possible and more likely to experience them separately. I first got solipsism with a small glimpse of Love, then some time later the Love. The good stuff is when you're able to connect the two in your mind, each one will integrate and reinforce the other if that makes sense. IMO an important distinction is that even if you're able to accept that you're all the ugly and evil things when realizing solipsism, if you only accept but don't love it, that's not complete.

Inspiring story, I bought some of these after seeing it. Quality product.

Part of it could be how introverted/extroverted one is. I'm very much the former, so solipsism happens to work out perfectly. So what if I'm utterly alone. But I've also come to realize solipsism without Love is incomplete.