NoOne

@Nic Thank YOU for your input. I think we're on the same page here. I don't think there is any way for us to rationally experience God or reality or whathaveyou. It is something we have to let go of our need to rationalize and experience it; that's the only way to commune with God, if you will. It's too complex for us to understand, but if we can quiet our minds and open our senses, we can experience it. But there are people who would love to find this who are stuck in their mind on religious dogma or philosophical constructs, and they are genuinely seeking the truth, and perhaps they THINK have found it in some dogma or institution like the Christian Church, and the men and women who are training these young people and maybe some spiritual leaders in society as well seem to have two choices: either help those who are looking to them for guidance find a place of true experience, or at the very least if they cannot let go of their ego, give them a less destructive path to follow, like perhaps following the actual teachings and trying to emulate the actions of people who have been enlightened, like Christ. I'm sure that's not an easy path, to have one foot in each paradigm, but it seems like a helpful place to be. I know my experience with reality is new right now, but this is not the first time I have experienced communion with reality. It's just that I forgot what it was.

Thank you. I'm doing a lot of thinking, but I am also taking action--going to the university, talking to other spiritual leaders, communicating here. These are all actions which I anticipate will illuminate a path for me. Other actions I attempt to take right now are frustrated by reality. I went to my office yesterday to do some work on my online tea business and the power was out and the landlord says the sewer line running under my part of the building has collapsed and needs to be dug up and repaired. If I was relying on my business to fulfill me at this point, that would be extremely frustrating, but I'm not really worried about it at the moment. I know I'll find my way. But thank you for your concern. It is true that too much thinking and not enough action tends to lead to trouble, but I consider right now that interacting on this forum and talking to people at the university about my changing perspective of reality is not just thinking, but acting; I can experience an intellectual conversation without letting my ego fall into the trap of self-importance. I benefit from it by growing my self-awareness and expanding my egoic understanding of reality. It's an intense challenge and it's own reward. At the same time, I feel it is of benefit for me to share these experiences with others who are just starting to explore self-awareness. Even if the self ultimately does not exist, i know that is something I will have to experience to accept. I cannot take another persons' word for it. But experience is meaningless without context, so this ego thing is useful in that sense. it is slippery and deceitful, but useful.

So last night my body was exhausted. I haven't been sleeping much lately as my ego has been busy trying to process this new experience of BEing. Not because my ego needs to understand it, but because other people in my life don't understand it and I wish to make my best effort to explain it. My ego prides itself on its ability to leverage words and language to express meaning. Even though I realize that meaning is a trick of the mind, it is all that those around me who are not self-aware can grasp. I take great joy in letting my ego try to work out new ways for people around me to experience BEing, no matter where they are in their rational mind. I believe that is part of my purpose--what BEing is to me--is learning to connect with others who are less self-aware, even as I continue to become more self-aware myself, and ultimately, I believe, to the experience of non-being. So anyway, last night I was lying in bed and my body was exhausted but my ego would not shut up. I recalled that many times a release of sexual tension seems good for producing a state of contentment and sleepiness in the body. I have not really been sexually active or had many sexual thoughts lately and it occurred to me that perhaps my body needed that. But to live in the moment precludes sexual fantasy involving others. Sexual fantasies are all about what was or what you hope will be. They are illusions that will keep us in a state of longing rather than a state of BEing. So, here is my challenge to you and what I experienced last night: The next time you feel a need for sexual release, masturbate, but do it mindfully and try to do it without imagining a sexual partner (other than yourself). Try to experience masturbation not just as a recipient of pleasure, but as a giver of pleasure. Perhaps it helps that I have had some same-sex sexual experiences in my life, but to give you an idea, for me, my ego saw it like this: "I am touching this penis, and it feels warm and rigid in my hand. The person whose penis this is is experiencing pleasure which I am producing with my hand, and this is a beautiful comfort to them. I am skillful at applying these touches to this penis. I want to give this body a blissful experience and I know just how to do it." I essentially masturbated as if I was giving someone else a handjob as if I was laying behind myself reaching around another being to give that body pleasure. I allowed myself to experience as much of the perspective of GIVING pleasure as I did of receiving it; and then I wondered if I could experience more of the perspective of giving pleasure and less of the perspective of receiving pleasure. I found this to be a really fun (for other than the obvious reasons) exercise to expand my understanding of self/no-self. Am I the giver of pleasure or the receiver? Can I actually experience both at the same time? It seems incredibly challenging to experience an orgasm and for that to not blind us to the perspective of the one giving the pleasure. I imagine, if I was fully enlightened, perhaps I could give myself an orgasm and choose to ONLY experience the sensations of giving pleasure and not that of receiving. Or maybe the truth is that there is no separation between giver and receiver since neither exist. Maybe I am not ready or not capable of grokking (and I just realized what a beautiful word that is that Robert Heinlein gave us) that perceived separation. All I can say is that it was an incredible and thought-provoking exercise, and it was probably one of the most intense and emotional orgasms I've ever experienced and I thought it was something worth sharing with others. A kind of simpler, less intense version of this is to unconsciously clasp your hands together. Do it now. Now, which hand is grasping which? Can your ego decipher? There is no answer. There is only the reality of your clasped hands.

In fairness, the question you asked me was what is my plan of action. And my first and most true response is that I don't have one. I am living completely in the moment. I am just existing and trying to follow my instincts to discover how I can exist among rational minds and perhaps help ease suffering. The suffering of not BEing, of being trapped by our minds is too great. My bias toward the emotional freedom of living in the moment and not allowing our emotions to consume us leads me to believe that religious dogma is a particularly destructive force that causes men to believe they have all of the answers. It was the single most powerful concept that kept what I considered me from experiencing true reality. And while I can see that this dogma is helpful to some beings and that they are where they are in their search, I also cannot help wondering if we cannot build more bridges from the rational world to the experience of I am. I think perhaps I come across as judgmental of rational people, and this is causing harm to my relationships. I need to find a way to attempt to communicate this truth of being and help alleviate suffering. I don't profess to know what shape that will take, but that is what my instincts are leading me to do.

I don't have a plan of action. I'm keeping my mind open to possibilities. I don't want to set myself up for failure so I am living moment to moment so that reality's plans for me can come to fruition, BUT yesterday I spent the day at the university, and last night I submitted an application for admission/scholarship application for the "Christian Spiritual Formation" program, which is a new spiritual program the university has created to try to broaden the minds of future Christian leaders and get them grounded in some core rational values (If most of humanity is going to exist in a state of spiritual delusion, shouldn't they at least be given some values to live by that will help reduce suffering? Is that what the man called Jesus chose to do with his life? To use his enlightened insights to give sleeping people some compassionate values to live by? Is it crazy to say that I can only imagine someone who was enlightened in the way that I have come to experience enlightenment who could walk the path of Jesus to its end. The program is kind of calling to me, not because I ever envisioned myself a future Christian leader, but don't you think that we who are awake could use some people in these institutions to sort of balance out some of the insanity of groups like Westboro Baptist Church and maybe even help lead people on to true spirituality that goes beyond these misinterpreted traditions? And maybe people seeking true spiritual enlightenment should NOT be taught by professors who have made themselves blind studying dogma and tradition and should instead be taught by people who have experienced true enlightenment. And dare I say that maybe some of those traditions and beliefs have something to teach me too? I mean, not that I'm going to decide tomorrow that Jesus was a man-god and the Bible is infallible or anything like that, but maybe Jesus was enlightened and he knew a thing or two that I might be able to learn from now that I have this new perspective. Maybe I need to study his reported words and deeds for hints as to how to best live the enlightened life. Does doing that make me a Christian? Does studying Buddhism make me a Buddhist? These are all just labels, but the institutions of at least the Christian church (and I imagine even in the great Eastern traditions) have become so filled with people who do not really know the truth that it's no wonder they are so far off course from what were probably originally attempts by other enlightened men to help rational man either reach enlightenment or at least live by a set of values that makes sense. In any event, all of these ideas don't give me a plan of action and I don't want to take just any plan of action that comes along, I want to see what doors the universe will open for me. But I have a good sense of what I would LIKE to do with my life, in one form or another.

I think this might be a tiny bit dogmatic. if YOUR desire is to have depth of knowledge in a specific area or specific skills that are difficult to attain, you shouldn't have any problem doing the hard work, because you are living in the moment and what you are doing is what you want or will lead to what you want. If you want to learn about lots of different things, there is nothing wrong with being a Renaissance-man. I personally think that getting bored or tired or disinterested in something is just reality's way of telling you to take a break from it.

Great insights here. Thanks for everyone's feedback. I guess I just like looking at some of these old traditions and thinking, you know, I think someone who was enlightened probably started this practice for some reason, and maybe that reason is now lost in time, but I wonder if we could figure out what they were really trying to champion? I mean, some of the things that Christ said were certainly enlightened. I guess this whole idea is making me want to excavate the truth from history and see what these other enlightened people were actually trying to teach us and how that has been misconstrued, mistranslated, and potentially purposefully obscured. I don't have any love for these institutions of religion, but I think most of them maybe started with something genuine, so they are worth considering with a critical eye.

Thanks everyone for all of your thoughts. I appreciate all of these insights and I promise I'm not running away. I'm working on building the life I want one tiny tiny step at a time. At first I thought this was going to be really hard because I was trying to figure out how I was supposed to not exist and still take action. I felt like my actions were bound to be wrong and that's why I suddenly felt the need for a spiritual mentor or something--i.e. joining a monastery. But I've realized that I can take action from moment to moment as long as I don't try to forge "my" own path and get to far ahead of myself. Like right now, I have this idea that because a lot of the pain I suffered came from my disappointment in the Christian church and how backwards it is. I have this vague idea about doing something about that, and instead of deciding what I should do and laying out a detailed plan, I went to Friends University, here in Wichita, which is a very expensive and highly respected private liberal arts college that used to be part of the Quaker establishment, and I just had this sense that I wanted to talk to them about what I was going through and see what they had to say. Yesterday I spent the whole day on campus and I talked to about four different people. And everyone that I talked to listened very politely and each of them wound up ending the conversation with something like, "You should really talk to X." Anyway, I got handed off and passed around between several different people and even got a tour of the campus. I kind of love the idea of being an academic. But my ideas don't mean anything if I can't apply them to observable results within my own life, so as fascinated as I am with re-reading ancient religious texts and philosophy books with this new perspective, those things don't help me get stuff done.

If you really look at the "Lord's Prayer" it's very enlightened: Give us this day our daily bread... etc. how could the Lord's prayer be said in enlightened terms? ETA: I mean without the words like God and heaven and evil that maybe are too generic.

That's it. And actually praying out loud for another person, if they believe in prayer is powerful stuff. it's an expression of empathy that you are willing to cry out to the universe and advocate on a friend's behalf.

I mean, when you make a point of taking someone by the hand and praying for them, you are really living in the moment and forcing them to live in it too. If you pray aloud for a change in perspective with a person, and continue to pray with them not that the universe would solve their problems, but that the individual you are praying for could either have what they want or find a new path, is that not helping those suffering to consider alternatives to stewing in their misery? Could that not be a useful tool?

That's praying for you though, what about praying for others? Is there power in that to help people end their suffering?

Is there a point to it? It's a beautiful thing, to call out to the universe on behalf of another person who is suffering, but I guess all we can ask is if the universe will bring others to guide them to enlightenment or something like that. It is an expression of sympathy for a suffering person when nothing practical can be done in the moment and as such it's beautiful and soothing to the person being prayed for and maybe brings them into the moment, which is important. How can we pray? Is this something that has been lost to misunderstanding? What is prayer?

How do you KNOW that your purpose has been revealed? I just had an incredible emotional reaction of joy and bliss and wonder after receiving a thought of what I could do with my life and it's so obvious and something that will bring me so much fulfillment and answers so many questions about the suffering I've faced in my life and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I'm sure it's my calling. But yesterday I was sure I was being called to be a ascetic. How do I know this is real? I can see a clear path of actions to take to make this real, and it would be so simple and easy and fulfilling and helpful to hurting beings and challenging, but something I know I could find a way to do, and the lives I could touch and the impact I could make would be a psychic force in the darkness of the rational world. But how do I know for sure, that this time, this is the time that I'm RIGHT about this being my purpose? Maybe I shouldn't be? Oh, but this feeling, this lovejoyhappinessecstasy and the perfectness of the solution--which briefly and without specific details involves me going back to help people who are trapped in a situation I was trapped in, because they are me, and I have insights to share with them, and they have things to share with me. I just posted this on my Facebook page regarding this because as I sit with it, I am more and more certain that this is my purpose in life, not that it should happen in any particular way, but that I should find a way to do this even if I work 40 hours a week doing something stupid and meaningless (and everything can be made to have meaning when you live in the moment) and work on this as I can, or find an opportunity to do this within the mechanisms of existing reality and get paid for it, it doesn't matter how it happens, I can't expect specifics. I just have to take each moment of experience and try to be in the moment while moving forward. That is hard. How do you do that? Facebook post *Enlightenment Update* I believe i have just discovered my true life purpose after 45 years. It's not anything I expected and yet it's more than I ever dreamed. It is completely attainable. It will bring me more joy and fulfillment than anything else I could ever do in life, no matter what form it takes--if I do it like a starving artist or like a big celebrity. And the truth is, I'm not ready to tell many of you what this new purpose is because it is actually kind of personal, I will just say that after 45 years, I found a way OUT of MY pain and worry and fear and anxiety and misery, and I think I'm uniquely qualified to help people who are like me figure out these truths sooner. So, that's what I'm going to do. One way or another, however the universe or God or what have you is leading me. And I'm going to continue to grow myself. And isn't this kind of the way life should be? Have we lost this from our earlier traditions of apprentices and mentors? Isn't that what all the fantasy novels are all about? Luke Skywalker had to have Obi Wan. I'm encouraging all of my older friends, no matter where you are in life, to find a way to reach out and mentor someone. Not just anyone. That won't work. You have to find someone to mentor who is like yourself, maybe a slightly less insightful self who you recognize as similar to you before you grew, and to do that, you have to get to know someone on their terms which will build your empathy and you will grow. Mentoring, like child-rearing is a two-way street of sharing wisdom. If you don't believe me, ask a kid what they want to do and then pay very close attention and listen and try to take "no" out of your vocabulary. Do what they want to do and listen to what they are saying and talk to them like they are as smart as you are, because they are. They may not have as many experiences as you have, but they are learning from every experience they have, and if you let them, they will teach you new things you never knew, because they are in the moment. They are absorbing what life has to offer and not just waiting in line or driving to work or relaxing before bed. To them, every moment is a discovery and something new, and just when you are convinced that they can't possibly teach you anything new, they do, because they have real insights sometimes too. This is the same for kids and adults as it is for democrats and republicans, conservatives and liberals, blacks and whites, and any kind of divisive label you can come up with. We just have to stop shouting and open our ears to each other and maybe we are all at different stages of enlightenment in our lives and I think enlightenment is maybe an over-important term, but maybe we all have different perspectives, but it doesn't hurt to listen, and many times you learn something.

Thanks. I appreciate that!