Hey everyone. I would like to believe that I'm a well read person. I have studied almost about all the sub topics in this forum and on top of it technology and math to a decent extent. Now the problem is, due to my parental trauma which had a negative impact on my life has put me in a stage where i don't feel excited about anything. Meaning, I'm dead inside.
This has manifested in dangerous ways; such as, deliberately not wanting to have a career, not caring (I cannot feel from inside) about self, I'm not bothered if my life turns upside down. I might survive (or choose not to) just by being a daily wage labor despite of having an Engineering degree and having a skill and so on.
On the face of it, it might look like a discipline of some eastern spirituality (detachment from the worldly), but for a fact, I know that I lack love and I understand it and accept it.
Even with all these things going on, a few days back, I re-found a purpose (not a spiritual one, but more of a career in a way, but it requires total devotion, determination and dedication) and I thought let me try and just focus on pursuing that. So I restarted all my physical activities (daily exercise, running, meditation, yoga etc), my mind can only function if I do these things.
But still I don't feel anything inside. Sometimes, I lose seriousness of my goal, which could be a make or break in a way in terms of career choice. I have that potential, but still due to my issues I can't seem to accept that I want to be something.
I would love to hear your advice. Help me!
