Daniel Balan

I meditated for a year straight in 2018. And I can say I got 0 benefits from it. And I'm much more happier since I dropped meditation all together. It's just my opinion. But I always try to remain as mindful as possible at every second. I try to always observe my thoughts and my bodily sensations.

When I was a kid, I was super religious as everyone around me was. And I hated everything and everyone who wasn't into hardcore religion as my community was. During my mid teens until the present day I developed a extremely rebellious personality and I started to abhor religion with all my being. I fancied myself a stage green planet earth lover. But I've noticed that I'm blue AF. Because the same way I hated the non religious people when I was a kid, now I hate the stage blue, right wing, MAGA like Christian fundamentalists. Basically I've just changed the thing I was hating on, but I have never moved out from blue. One clear sign to tell if you are stuck in blue is if you hate others, if you demonize people or if you have a us vs them mentality.

@Tristan12 And if my take made you feel worse, I am sorry. I didn't meant to make you feel bad. I just gave you my mindset that allowed me to be more resilient in the face of suffering. I reckon that all the hugs and compassion approach isn't giving you any improvement s, so I gave a more stage blue approach. If I made you feel bad please disregard everything I said. And please stay alive.

Have you tried accepting your suffering? Come to peace with it. All I say to you is to realize that unless you are physically injured you shouldn't have a reason to be as crestfallen as you are right now! Me personally after almost dying because of covid, I can no longer fuck, AT ALL, for 4 years almost. My dick is not going up at all. And I am very depressed about it, but it never crossed my mind to commit suicide. I do my best to enjoy other aspects of life. I try to do things that make me happy. I accepted that I will probably never be able to fuck again and I am at peace. I suggest you do the same.

A psychologically healthy being, when faced with suffering, it fights tooth and nail to change the circumstances that cause the suffering. That being doesn't kill itself. That's why the people in Africa don't kill themselves. All they want is to survive. It doesn't even cross their mind to commit suicide. They want to be victorious against death, not to succumb to it.

Enough mister nice guy. Bro you are totally off the rails. If every being thought like you the earth wouldn't have had even microbial life. Let alone animals, homosapiens, and advanced civilization as we have now. I'm sorry to say this to you but the tendecy to surrender is a genetic disposition amongst the weakest individuals of a species. If all the people on earth would think like you we would have gone extinct long before reaching the homosapiens evolution stage. The people in Africa endure 1000 times the pain you endure, yet they give 0 fucks about how they feel. All they care about is to gather just enough food so that they don't starve! And that their kids don't starve. For them happiness is being alive. Yet you most probably live a confy life and you take all survival matters for granted. You don't appreciate how good you have it. You need to touch grass immediately. You are tottaly disconnected to what it means to work a hole day in the scoarching sun just to have money for food. I am not sorry if this offended you. But you need some tough love.

Could you please share here what is the cause of your psihological pain? What exactly about what you perceive about reality makes you feel so helpless? I'm also a highly sensitive person, maybe I can relate

@Tristan12 Sorry if I made you feel worse. I gave my best to give you a wake up call. In my opinion after everything I've been through, I came to the conclusion that only physical pain is worth being considered as pain. To me having depression is a luxury. And after reading your reply the only thing I can recommend to you is to seek professional help immediately. If you don't have any physical impairment, you have no right to be depressed. That's my opinion. And if you do have severe psychological trauma or mental disorders go seek professional help. Don't waste time on forums. Maybe you have a serious condition that makes you feel like you do. If that is the case none of the people here can give you help.

Bro don't kill yourself. Life is war! Everyday is a war to stay alive. If you kill yourself you basically acknowledge to the universe that you are a loser. I don't know about you but the thing I hate most is defeat and losers. I wake up everyday to go to work for 30$ a day. AND I AM HAPPY! I am happy that I am still alive! I am happy that I get to fight everyday just to earn food for myself and my grandmother and mother. I considered many times killing myself. But I then tought of all the people who are living hell in hospitals, that have no limbs, that have terrible serious burn injuries on their bodies, people that are held hostage in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives... And those people fight with all their might everyday just to not surrender to death. And they would give everything to be in your position, an able bodied male that has "depression". Fuck depression, depression is for losers, try going 3 weeks without food on your table! It happened to me after I lost my job a few years ago. And then you will appreciate every second you can breath air into your lungs and every sip of water and every little piece of food you have on your table. Look at all the people who were burned alive! In less than 90 seconds those people went from being normal to becoming ash. And they would have given everything to come back from the grave and be just as "depressed" as you are. Next time you feel like killing yourself remeber that others have had their flesh bured to the bone. And you sit there all entitled to happiness. Be happy for everyday you have survived. Survival is not something you can be entitled to.

It's because you stayed true to yourself. I've liked many youtubers when they had like 10k subscribers, but as soon as they hit like 500k they became shallow and I stopped watching their videos. In my eyes there is a direct correlation between a huge audience and piss poor content. Your content is like a gold mine, and as time passed it got better and better. I've shared your content with many of my former friends but no one seemed to like you but they had no problem watching endless conspiracy theories on tiktok. You are too sophisticated for the average dumb tiktok user. Which is a good thing. If all my tiktok user friends would love your work I personally would stop following your work 😂😂

My personal view of Nazism is like a Christmas tree. The main wooden core was stage purple, the green part of the christmas tree was stage blue, and the chrstmass lights was stage red.

Not so much. The election was canceled because that fascist candidate was expected to win in a landslide. The citzenry in Romania is extremely pro fascist. The only thing is that the constitutional court thankfully annuled the elections because that fascist candidate expressed his intention to take Romania out of EU and Nato. Undermining the membership of EU and NATO is a direct attack on the constitution, that's the only way the elections got cancelled.

@Leo Gura Guys!! Romania is basically a 3rd world shithole. Yet we annuled presidentian elections because a candidate publically expressed fascist views. That candidate being clean and not even being charged with anything. And in the redoing of elections which are taking place in may this year, that fascist loving candidate was banned from running all together. So I ask you, how in the world a convicted fellon, responsible for a failed attempt at a coup d' etat on jan 6 was able to run for president?? How on earth Romania has a stronger and healthier democracy than you guys have?

I've studied ww2 extremely thoroughly because my great grandfather was a ww2 veteran and was during the war an ultra nationalistic fascist. A member of the Romanian Iron Guard. And after studying this fascist movement it blew my mind how crazy those people were after mysticism. After pagan symbolism, practicing ultra christian orthodox rituals.. creating potions for love and good fortune... In my mind it seemed a bit too much mysticism to be anything other than purple. But I was wrong.

That's the reason I assumed that Nazism was stage purple. But I stand corrected. I realized upon closer examination of the SD model that you can have some form of mysticism at stage blue too.

Because I feel pain when I get hurt. Extreme pain. Pain is the ultimate bullshit spititual takes buster.

Firstly I hate psychedelics with all my being. I associate them with drug addicts junkies. Bascially when I hear the word psychadelic I associate it with heroin, cocaine, ketamine, meth, crystal, weed. Etc. Just bullshit substances that make yourself a worthless human. I hate drugs so much because I've seen all my friends become total junkies after trying shrooms and crystal and all that bs. Regarding politics ... Don't make me laugh... I once said at work that I will vote for a progressive woman candidate in the Romanian presidential election and I was fired from work and I wasn't even paid my wages for that past month, because I work without any contract the only way to get paid is if my boss is nice enough to pay me at the end of the month. I don't care about getting personally involved in politics one bit. I can't change nothing. All I care about is to have food on the table. Anything else is pure nonsense.

I'm not lazy at all. I work from 6:30 am to 8 pm everyday except sunday. In the spare time I watch your videos about spiral dynamics, politics, self help. Where I don't really follow your work is when it comes to god and love. None of those 2 aspects will help me whatsoever. I would still have to work from dawn till dusk just to have enough money to pay my taxes and feed my family. I am happy the way I am. I feel complete. I don't care if I am god or not. All I care about is to not die. The good thing about living in a 3rd world corrupt country is that everyday you struggle with all your might just to stay alive. Thus you begin to appreciate how precious life is and how easily it could be taken away from you. Here you have it. That's all the god realization I need.

All you need to realize god is to behold a tree blossoming. Or to behold the daughters of the firmament at night. That's the moment you realize that this is a hallucination. Something this beautiful cannot be real. IT MUST BE A DREAM!

@Leo Gura Why should I bend over backwards to discover something that was here all along? Here and now we are experience god. How can you experience god any stronger than just simply observing that you are alive? I feel that all this god realization work is redundant. It's like trying to find your hand while scratching your head for answers of where to find the very hand you are scratching your head with.

Give it to me Haha Leo said that I am god and I reckon that it would be wise to give all your money to god. hahaha

I believe that Trump and Putin did a Yalta 2 where they've redrawn Russia's sphere of influence giving much of eastern Europe to Putin. By eastern Europe I mean basically the eastern side of the Iron Curtain back within the Russian's sphere of influence minus East Germany. Basically everything that consisted of the Warsaw Pact minus East Germany which they have no claim because it merged into Germany.

I've never did anything to be awoken. All I ever did is just observe. I never took a psychadelic, and I will never take one. I try to meditate non stop, by doing my best to observe the environment and to immerse myself as deeply as I can into all my bodily senses. And this observance made me aware that I'm just an ape trying my best to stay alive in a dream that feels so real. I also dismiss that I am god because when someone puches me in the mouth I feel tremendous pain. But I also had many dreams in my sleep where I was fighting for my life, and when I got punched or cut in the dream I felt no pain. But here I feel pain. I am not god. Because when I die you will still be here running your blog and website.

I am not dreaming. It is god that dreams me. I am just a camera that observes god's dream. A camera that is also a hallucination within the hallucination of god. A hallucination whose only purpose is to observe the hallucination. And when this camera is shut down(When I die) for me( the human) the experience of god's dream ends. But god keeps on dreaming. Because it would be a total waste for god to create a dream just for me (the human). When my grandpa died the dream ended for him. It didn't end for me too. I was left here to allow God to keep on dreaming. And when I will die you will be here to allow the dream to go on. Not just you the humans, also the trees, the birds, the dogs, the cats the falcons... all are cameras from which god observes his dream forever. I've became aware of this the last time I slaughtered a rooster which I grow for food. When I chopped his head off I realized how insignificant I am, and the same way I killed it for food, I could be killed too by a lion. For that rooster the dream ended but god kept on dreaming, that will happen too when this ruthless dream will decide that my time as an observer of God is over. I am as insignificant as the cockroach you squash under your foot when you walk the street. The cockroach beholds god's dream the same way that I do. I'm in no way shape or form more valuable than a cockroach. It's just the pure luck that this dream decided to incarnate me into a more physically powerful camera for experiencing this hallucination.

Ok. I understand that everything is a hallucination! But why you say that I( the individual writing this message) am the only thing that exists? And if I would die now y'all would disappear together with me. That's what I understood from your solipsism video @Leo Gura. And I dismiss some of those insights. From my personal experience I am like a surveillance camera for God. And every other creature be it human or animal or bird is too a surveillance camera for the mind of god. I deny that I am the only thing that exists. After all god needs all those surveillance cameras in case of emergency if one of it dies there are others so that god can continue to experience this dream he created. I came to the realisation that god created so many creatures so that he can experience as many facets of this dream as possible. And that there is nothing special about me. I'm just another leaf in god's tree.