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@Nahm Interesting. Could you share? The way I understood it was that there is a deeper part to each being - call it soul - that has its own yearning which most beings are not directly aware of. As in God wants to experience itself in every possible way. I am also aware of that one can become conscious of what the soul wants and align oneself with that. However this was only one trip and the topic seems complex.

@Nahm Yes, that is what I became aware of. What is your experience on that matter ?

@Nahm Thank you ?? What you mean by assertion things?

@Shaun Not at all. You‘re missing the deeper component of the soul. I am not saying that rape is ok and should be legal. I am saying that all is Love and God experiencing itself in even this way which is perceived „fucked up“ by most humans.

@SoonHei Thank you ??

@okulele Thank you ??

@okulele Great stuff! Thx alot for sharing. I’m curious: What did your day typically look like? What practices did you do and for how long? Also, what tips would you give someone planning his first solo retreat? - Much Love

Includes my first (brief) alien encounter on mushrooms:

@Girzo Ahh man what a bitch. First they take our AL-LAD now this... Thank you for clarifying ??

Hey guys, after my last trip I am planning on getting some DPT. However there have been some law changes in July in Germany. I read the law but could not really get through all the chemical jargon. DPT is not called out specifically but there are some chemical links that are banned outright. Does anyone of you know if it is still legal in GE? Cheers!

I've thought long about if I should even post this one as it was so strange and not even really a trip. But anyhow - here goes nothing. The tale of the whale began a week ago. After finishing my evening meditation I sat down in my room and just enjoyed the silence for a bit. The meditation was meh... but the after state was a dense silence. Then I journaled a bit. I jotted down some questions based on observations I made earlier this week: I was walking through the park on my way to work and just looked at the ducks. It was really interesting. Why do they do what they do? Why do they fight over food? Yes, they are programmed! They just play this program called survival without being aware of it. Very interesting. In this instance I also realized: Wait, I am doing the exact fucking thing! I am running my survival program! But who installed the program? Who is really running the show? Interesting question. This thought process came back up that evening and I just wrote down more questions... and it all came down to: Who am I? Not in a villy nilly way (in which I did one year of self inquiry) but in a very threatening way. It felt like I asked this question for first time for real. I proceeded to go to the bathroom and as I sat down to take a piss my complete identity just slipped away. It was complete silence and there was the urge to think but nothing came up. It was just a blank. There was still a body sitting there but it was not born, it had no parents and no image of itself. That was freaky to say the least until it went away again (one minute or so). --- Then, on Friday I was walking through town and again asked myself: "Who am I?". Then there was a voice in my head. The same one which talked to me multiple times during my trips. It said: "Ask a better question!". I answered: "Who is asking this question?". (This was totally spontaneous). However in that instance my mind flipped completely from the inside out. There was no "outside" there was only inside. This only lasted a couple seconds but was very radical. --- On Saturday I wanted to make my monthly trip. I weighed out 3.5g of mushrooms, made my tea. Sipped it. Laid down. The come up was slow. Then there was an insight: I had a vision of a bug of some sort which was trapped and tortured in some sort of device. It was really heart wrenching. I sent the bug love but there was no change. Then the insight hit: Love is what brought the bug there. Love is what made the device. And the torturer is acting out of Love. In that instance the device disappeared and the bug was set free. --- This was so deep but it still went on: Not only does "good" or "bad" not exist in the realm of Truth, there is a much much deeper level to it: For duality of any sort to exist, there first must be the possibility of distinction. HOWEVER, there is no distinction, there is only absolute... and THEREFORE good and bad do not exist! --- After that there was a vision of some heroin and coke addicts. I put my arms closer to my body because they were injecting themselves and I am afraid of needles. Then there was the insight: They are doing the exact same thing as you are. They are searching for the great white whale. They are searching for God! --- Another insight was: If you want to be enlightened you have to surrender the commentator. I notice this in myself especially. My mind has become much more quiet over the last months but there is still this voice which comments on everything. It's not even that malicious (that's what it tells me at least ) but it still puts everything into categories and narrates my life. This has to be surrendered as well. --- All this happened in the first two hours of the trip then something very, very strange happened. I've never had these auditory hallucinations before, it sounded alien, mechanical even. And then... don't call me crazy (or do, I don't care)... for one second... on the top right of me... an alien popped up. It was small-ish (1-2 feet), had a big head, was grey and had black eyes. This could absolutely be a figment of my imagination. I have no idea at all. But I can clearly remember it. This way or the other it was there. And what was even stranger, the trip stopped after that. It was basically the come up - no peak - come down. All in 4 hours max. This NEVER happened to me. I then proceeded to go on with my life and decided to re-dose later that evening. I did so at about 6pm with about 3g's... but yet again, there were only mild effects but no where near where 3g's have taken me in the past. It was barely noticeable, like 0.6g's maybe. This was quite disappointing as I had some big questions lined up. However the show must go on and the search for the great white whale continues. Thank you for reading!

@TrynaBeTurquoise Yes, I am curious about the alien as well LOL. It was always like he was operating on me. Then I noticed him by accident and he was like... "Shit, I slipped dimensions and he saw me... STOP the operation guys, we have to come back later!" Regarding the looks of it, I have no idea. Maybe the cultural images are like that because they really look like this As I said, maybe it was a figment of my imagination but then again... what would be the difference?

If God has created all of „this“ and then took (in this case) human form and made itself forget it did it... And then invented evolution, „life“ and „the world“ to learn to love itself again... which is my understanding from tripping... Why not go straight to complete Love again? Why suffering? I mean God can make something out of nothing. Why this „in between“? Why does evolution take so long (I know this is only long for a human but still). And finally: What is the most direct way to break through to a natural state of absolute Love on a day to day basis?

@Leo Gura Thank you. Sounds like another mindfuck incoming. I‘ll keep at it.

Hey guys, I‘ve been pondering this question for days as I struggle to console two facets of Truth: 1. When tripping and also in day to day life I look at my hand and realize it is made out of consciousness. It is easy to realize when tripping as it just changes form, gains more fingers or some other weird shit happens. However last trip I also became aware of... 2. The Truth of the hand is that it does not exist. I don‘t mean this in some weird semantic twist. I mean it literally. When I looked at my hand it was like a fractal. It had NO SUBSTANCE. I could see that is a reflection of a mirror of some sort. It was/is a complete illusion. And underlying this illusion is the ground of infinite potential (consciousness). These two points of view do not seem to match yet both true. Has someone encountered/consoled this? I am not looking for quick answers.. but if somebody has a cheeky pointer I‘d be grateful ??

@Nahm Mmh thank you. That actually helped alot! It reminded me of two more insights: 1. Perception is a lie. There is only being. 2. There is no thing as „empty space“ there is only consciousness. I also just became aware of that this whole thing is illusory. It seems to me like these two perspectives are degrees of depth. And in the deepest degrees the illusion completely falls apart and there is only infinite potential left.

I will skip the intro today. This one was wild. So hold on to your hats. From the beginning this trip was different. After about 20 minutes my whole body started vibrating intensely. That took me by surprise. And shortly afterwards the first breakthrough hit: 1. Mirrors For the last days I was really intrigued by mirrors. What they are how they work… and it turns out they are a huge part of how reality is constructed. See, consciousness is the underlying ground of everything. It is raw, formless potential. However there is a grand illusion at play (which we call life). It is really like a hall of mirrors. Reflection within reflection and ever on. And what I then became aware of was the undoing of this illusion. It was like all the mirrors where lifted up and I merged back into Oneness. I then proceeded to open my eyes only to find reality breaking down completely before me, as me. There was no sense of up or down. No orientation at all. I merged back into raw potential and became aware of how this room is just a mirage. A reflection reflecting itself. And underlying all of it is the ultimate magician God itself. It felt like the curtain was lifted and I saw him doing his magic trick... with me being the magician, the audience and the trick itself. This alone was a mindfuck yet only the beginning… 2. Death and rebirth Note: Last wednesday I did an intense holotropic breathing session. Afterwards I got the clear sense of presence of some demonic force in my room. It proceeded to give me visions of my darkest fears in my dreams (half awake) and then it vanished. I think this trip was the sequel to that. It was not pleasant at all. I died and was rebirthed over and over again. At the end there was the question “Do you want to be a living God?” but it was already answered... 3. Home Ever since last trip I got the sense that something shifted in me. I did about 3 years of “seeking” enlightenment however I became aware of that I am already done. I’ve reached the point of no return months ago. There is no point in trying to yank the steering wheel around… the car has reached the top of the mountain and is now rolling downhill into nirvana. The trip then retold me the story of the enlightened shoe by Adyashanti. If you have never heard it you might enjoy it. In short: You cannot go anywhere to find enlightenment. Practice is necessary until it is not. Seeking is necessary until it is not. I will keep practicing, however I strongly feel the “bang your head against the wall” part of "seeking" is over. And I also got the sense of that I am pretty lucky in this regard. I really got to give a shoutout to my past lifetimes or something. I did little in this one to “earn” it. I'm only 21 and did 3 years of meditation, Kriya Yoga and Psychedelics. I feel at home. However we will see how this will fair in daily life. Since last trip it has become much more effortless and joyous... we will see. It surely is a new beginning since there is no end. 4. Not being human After about 1 hour of straight breakthroughs and peaking I opened my eyes and was awestruck what was going on... It was like I became aware of that multiple realities are here overlaid over one each other in this moment… and me tracing my finger was like glitching the matrix. This is hard to put into words, but I clearly did not feel human. It was some sort of new entity learning through my body. And it still went on… 5. God and the Soul I have to paint this as a picture but I got the image that God is like this field of energy and then there is like a wave reaching out of it. And on the tip of this wave is a dot of light and it is looking at God (as God). This is what “we” are. We are looking at God as God. And it is learning through us and teaching us at the same time. 6. Evolution Some time ago I saw the video of a seed becoming a plant on Leos Blog. Why is it doing that? Why does it has to expand and grow? Well, all of this got answered. First of all God as RAW intelligence. If you think of the smartest human on earth… that’s not even a fracture of Gods intelligence. It designed this body. It does not make mistakes. Think about it: If you were in charge of running your organs it would be mayhem. And then think about building a new one… no no no. God has designed it perfectly for you so you can do more exploration… AND it is still learning. This is Evolution. It’s going on right here right now. For example think about AI. This is not artificial. It is part of evolution. God is experiencing and learning in this instance THROUGH us. This is insanity. And why on earth does it do that? First of all because it’s infinitely intelligent and it just can… and second of all because of Love. Learning to love. God is just infinite goodness and it is orchestrating this illusion so we can think we are seperated and relearn how to love. 7. Why are the things the way they are and not otherwise? Why has my notebook lines and isn’t just blank? Because I find it easier to write this way. Why is that important? Because I want to note as many insights as I can. Why that… It goes on and on. And it all traces back to God’s infinite intelligence. Things are the way the are because they could not be otherwise AND for God to experience itself more fully AND because this is needed for this love simulator in exactly this way. ---- At the beginning of this trip I thought I figured some stuff out already. And it told me “Yes you have”... it then showed me 3 or 4 tiny stones of a mosaik which were colored (meaning “understood”)... it then showed me a hundred more stones and I was like “Oh man, you serious bro?”... it then zoomed out and out and out until I could not see anything anymore. The mosaik was so huge, it was not grasp-able. That is what we are doing here. Here are some more insights: 8. The innovators dilemma Did you ever notice how great companies are built? Think about the big auto companies back in the days. Usually there are some people tinkering. Innovating. Figuring stuff out. And if they figure something out it gets copied ruthlessly. Then the businessmen come in. They turn the raw idea into money and processes. Then we end up with a corrupt polluting monstrosity which is getting so fat that it's dying down again. This is evolution at work. Each time around it gets smarter and smarter. 9. The hand you are delt A big part of life is figuring out which cards you are delt and then playing them to the max. Me for example: I am not an academic even though I was good in school. I am not that techy. I am not that interested in dense studies. And I am also not the “hardest working dude in the room”. However I am artistic (and probably pretty lucky regarding past lifes). And now its on to playing exactly this hand to its max. Not trying to turn weaknesses into strength but figuring out this Zone of Genius and going all in. Thank you for reading. Much Love.

@Nahm Thank you ?? @zeroISinfinity It always takes one by surprise. You know it happens when you try to articulate something and every word stops half way until there is only silence and awestruck-ness left lol.

@Enizeo thank you! I do Kriya Yoga and mindfulness meditation daily. I also breathe almost daily (mostly just 3 rounds of Wim Hof but sometimes a full 50 minute holotropic session). Whilst tripping I lie down and relax. Then a window opens up where I can restate my intentions. Then I just let the peak build itself up. Once I‘ve broken through the biggest reveal happens. There is nothing that I do in this moment... only surrender. After the breakthrough the peak lasts 1-2 hours where I am in a fully nondual state. There I ask questions and contemplate (mostly with my eyes open). Then there is a come down where I feel more and more exhausted. I mostly just sit around and pick up the remains of my identity and stitch them back together lol. Also: These trips have only been this deep since my first breakthrough to infinity. There is really no comparison.

@Draven Glad I could inspire you. Age is just a number, what's much more important is sincerity and maturity.

@Keyhole thank you!

@Ar_Senses thank you! I live in Germany (and I work there). If you are in the area I’d love to connect. Set and setting was as usual: My room. Saturday morning. It was my monthly trip (I do it monthly since April however I always wait until I get the strong intuition to go in again). I also wrote down my intentions beforehand.

@Leo Gura @peanutspathtotruth @karkaore @Charlotte Thank yall ??

@OBEler 5g‘s of mushrooms was the breakthrough. I‘ve done 2 Al Lad trips and the rest were mushroom. Regarding the breakthrough, it was really intense. Kinda like being struck by lightening (or what I imagine it to be like). You can read my report here if you want: Would I recommend it? Absolutely. If you are ready to surrender completely.

@AncestorOfAisle6 For me, my baseline increased tremendously. I've done 13 trips in the last 3 years. However the changes were exponential ever since my first breakthrough to absolute infinity. This was 3 months ago and it was the day, the real journey started. Since then, I truly felt my day to day consciousness rising. Main differences since then: 1. I know what I am shooting for. 2. I am much more aware of my breath and body tensions which basically makes my life a constant lightly meditative state (which is pretty pleasurable). 3. I am much more loving. Like 10x since the breakthrough. More respecting of others, animals and all life forms. Don't expect one trip to do that for you. This takes work and most likely a good dozen trips.