cle103

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Everything posted by cle103

  1. @Yog Personally, I believe that Nids are a collective ego backlash stemming from 40.000 years of squashing spiders and cockroaches... I mean, it was clear that it would come back and bite us in the ass one way or the other but who knew it would be literally biting us haha
  2. @Yog Boring, repressed humans... that's exactly why I prefer Space Elves who had so many BDSM orgies that they birthed a new Chaos God into existence. Probably a good example for excess stage Orange lol.
  3. Here is a great example of (I would say) healthy stage blue mixed with some orange competitiveness: The NFL in general is a pretty interesting melting pot of individuals stage wise. Some of them are basically thugs with jerseys on (red). Some of them go to church on Sunday, cry during the anthem and always put their team first (blue). Some of them are orange and in it for the money and fame... And some of them are even green. For example Aaron Rodgers (QB of the Packers) is into Yoga, familiar with Wim Hof and visits Peru for "reasons".
  4. Good stuff mate! How long did the whole trip take (intake to normal)? Sounds like quite a journey.
  5. Hey guys, after alot of work with mushrooms I will venture into Acid as well. I've done my research but wanted to know your guys' take as well: What is your favorite way of administration? Some people eat their tabs, some keep it under their tongue or lip and some dissolve it in water or vodka... Has anyone of you tried plugging it? If so, how? And what were your dosages? - Much Love
  6. @dimitri That's why I'm interested in it as well. Up to 12 hours of tripping seems a bit much. I'd rather have a smoother, more intense and shorter trip.
  7. Just ordered a double reagent test kit to be extra safe. I think I will stick to putting it on my tongue to taste it, then swallowing (on an empty stomach). Depending on the intensity and duration I‘ll try plugging next. Probably will start with just 100 mcs.
  8. There has been alot of healing but I'm out of Shrooms and wanted to try Acid for a long while
  9. @outlandish @King Merk @SamueLSD Thanks guys! What differences have you noticed between keeping it under your tongue in comparison to swallowing it directly, if any?
  10. @dimitri Ok, interesting. I will most likely trip in the morning (as usual) on an empty stomach. Thanks!
  11. @dimitri Cheers! I‘ve got some 5 Meo as well but want to try LSD first for working through some trauma and emotions. Some sources say that stomach acid would kill the trip before it starts. So this seems to be BS? I want to keep the substance as potent as possible.
  12. @Espaim Cheers, I will @Leo Gura Indeed, however I found it to be manageable. Is there a gram range you'd recommend sticking to? From my experience 1.5-2.5 is more about shadow work and purification. 2.5-4 I begin having breakthroughs. And 4+ it gets pretty wild. Although it's hard to categorize like that.
  13. I wanted to trip for a couple of weeks now but didn’t get the chance. Today was different. Woke up early and felt the vibe. So I got out the ol’ pile of mushrooms and prepared a nice cup of tea. Lit a candle, drank the drink and waited for a bit. Some fear came up. Bit of heart beating. Nothing to special. 20 minutes in the mushroom became a bit twisted. The only thing I can recall clearly is that I became aware of the fact that I am constantly talking to myself. And that there is not only one of me… more like four. These were like "sheets" of personality. One is optimistic, one is hopeless, one is skeptic and one is comical. And they are constantly interacting and overlapping. Then the vision zoomed out and I saw that these "sheets of personality" were attached to a tentacle of some sort. And this tentacle was part of a huge, black octopus-esque “thing”. Bit weird but hey, that’s mushrooms for you. After that the trip became more intense and I had the first brief taste back into Nonduality. Got back out a minute later. There was business to be handled. I realized that the ol’ ego was still on the ride. There was a want to surrender. First up was language. So no more narrating the trip - the rest was nonverbal. Next up was life itself. I've died before on psychedelics. Not always in a pleasant or gentle way. This one was different though. There was willingness, softness and complete surrender. First I lived through my own death then I lived through the death of an old woman which seemed like a past life. Dying was easy. The scene was melancholic and gentle. It seemed like “death” in a conventional way is a choice of the soul. I saw my own body there with people around it. I was already gone from it but they hung on. I wanted to say to them: “Hey guys, I’m fine… life goes on over here” but in the same instance there was the realization that I couldn’t talk to them anymore. Which was fine as well. The death of the woman I lived through was gentle as well. I told my family to leave the room so I could die in peace and solitude. Then, after “death” I went to a sort of forest clearing contained in a big room. Near the ceiling was a black opening in the wall. Out of it were flying tons of bright blue birds. Like a constant stream. It was the trippiest thing I’ve seen in a long while. I went towards the opening, looked inside and saw myself. Simple as that. I merged back into the One. There was awareness of infinite intelligence within that I created the all. And there was Self Love. Cruel, demonic, diabolic scenes came up and realized that this is Love precisely. Then the labels fell away and there was only Self-Love. After some time the "I" came back to life. Slowly back to normal. I kinda wanted to go back. Dying seemed so simple compared to living. Alas there is no death. It’s just Life.
  14. @Jacobsrw Thanks! Some details get forgotten however not the breakthroughs and big insights. Those stay. Regarding deeper layers, this is kinda hard to judge. I'd say yes.
  15. It’s been about 3 months since I last tripped. Just didn't get the call. Then over the last weeks so much suffering added up that I wanted to find out what was behind that. So I set some intentions and waited for today. The morning felt right. No doubt just a little anxietey. So I decided to trip. I drank the Mushrooms as tea, put on some music and danced for a while. Last year I had alot of fear come up especially after one breakthrough. I am glad to report that this fear is almost completely gone. So no worries or panic here. After 20 minutes the trip came on properly. Spoiler: The trip began great and ended bleak. And I feel really down at the moment. So it’s a bit hard to get excited about insights. I’ll still report. 1. Art As I’m in the process of becoming an artist there was a recognition of what art is truly about. It’s about communication between artist and spectator. Done right the art communicates and transmits a feeling and/or state. If the artist only paints because he thinks it looks good then it’s not art in the deepest sense. If you want something that looks like it’s real take a photo. Art is something else. A great piece is a portal to the Soul. 2. Matrix I had a vision of my parents however their bodies where fully transparent with a yellow light (their souls) in the middle of their chests. It looked just like a simulation. A bit like the movie matrix but with red and yellow instead of green and black. The floor and room were simulated as well. I then recognized that this is what God is. It is the full scene. And the scene isn’t separated into “mum”, “dad” and “me”. It’s all the same stuff. God invented it and made it happen. It played with itself and forgot it did it. And THIS is the rock bottom base reality. It's God having a Dream - being the Dream. The word that came to me over and over was “Singular”. God is the Singular. The One. The none other. It invented the notion of death and duality because it - I - cannot die. As I realized this there was no ecstasy it was this feeling of rock bottom. And at rock bottom there is one thing: Loneliness. Complete bleak Loneliness. And this reminded me of the reason I came to trip in the first place: Suffering. 3. Open Heart What crystalized out of all my intentions was one true intention: I want to live with an open heart. It wasn’t really a choice. It was the obvious intention out of all that I wrote down. It was just hidden in different words and stories. And then it came on. I had this vision of a black treasure chest in a dark room. In there were all my negative emotions and Samskaras. Over the last months I tried to deal with all the incoming “stuff” but I forced so much down as well. I did the best I could but I hid a good part of it. It felt too much. When I meditated or did breathing I opened this chest just a bit. This time it felt more like it was opened half way. The suffering came out. All my mistakes and fuck ups. I knew that I had to face all of this at some point but it felt too much. I didn’t know how much was down there and just how painful it would be. The two main emotions where: Loneliness and Desperation. Like this feeling of there is no hope. Like being kicked when you’re already on the ground. I remember standing in the bathroom looking into the mirror and starting to cry. It felt like I hit rock bottom. There was no lower low. I wanted to get a sense of completion after that. End on a high note or whatever. But there was nothing left. After about 3 hours the trip ended and I was back to normal. To take away some of the bleakness: I also had a vision of some truly great artists where I could see their story and evolution from a bird's eye view. They all went through darkness. And I also had a vision of someone in solitary confinement in complete darkness where there was this light in front of him symbolizing enlightenment. We will have to see how this turns out. All of it will come full circle at some point. For now I will ride it out the best I can. Much Love
  16. @remember I would choose end of suffering. Although there is a certain part of me which enjoys suffering in a weird way and art is my #1 passion. @Nahm Caught me. Mmh...
  17. Oh man, I see what you're pointing at. This was my mentality for so long and is still to a large degree. "Work/Grind/... through it" instead of finding Love within it - loving it. Thank you. Lol, that's a good point. @Leo Gura Thank you! It almost feels like the last year was full of breakthroughs and now I am putting in the emotional work for the long run. Purification is not always pleasant, that's for sure. Can't hide your demons in the closet forever or they will get rowdy sooner or later lol. ❤️️
  18. @Nahm Mmh, thank you. I've never seen the Mona Lisa but I saw the starry night by Van Gogh. The painting is alive. It speaks to you and has this almost magical energy field. True art is truly remarkable. The one about loneliness also hits home. The only way out is through. And who knows what I'll find or lose along the way. Are you talking about dosages ?
  19. I had the exact same fear as you (I live in Germany where it's super unlikely as well). It started when I was a kid. We used to go to old castles and I never wanted to go into the torture chamber... The fear stayed with me until a couple months ago. Then there was a sudden realization where it came from: I subconsciously wanted to experience pain and torture because I viewed it as purification. It was punishment for my "sins". Therefore my psyche created a back and forth between "sinning" and being afraid of the punishment (torture). Ever since this realization the fear dropped. What I want to illustrate by this anecdote is: Get to the bottom of it. Find out where it comes from. Once you do that, letting it go becomes effortless. I know it's easier said than done. Try to contemplate, set the intent to find out and then go on with your life. That's what has worked for me at least I am trying to do the same thing with my fear of needles right now... So good luck!
  20. @Superfluo Thank you. Yes, I have read it, great book! The process was actually: Read the book, try it and kinda fail... trip on AL-LAD and do the exact process intuitively... get busy with other techniques... suffering builds up... this process was discovered. Also, it‘s not full on holotropic breathing (for me) as I won‘t fully focus on it, it‘s more like a relaxed version.
  21. Hey guys, I wanted to share a process with you that has greatly benefitted me... and might be of use to some of you. What is emotional Re-Integration? Well, did you ever wander why there are thoughts in your head which are "impure"? Did you ever notice uncomfortable tension in your body? Are you afraid/angry/... more than you would like? I was (and still am to some degree). So why is all that the case? What I found through direct experience including an AL-LAD trip (and some external pointers) is that there are certain (unpleasant) memories in us which are supressed or repressed. Basically it's all the stuff we or our mind wants us to forget bc. it hurts/doesn't serve our survival. Problem is that these memories are like splinters of yourself. It's like you left a part of yourself behind. And that part of you causes trouble in the subconscious and your daily life. No situation makes one angry. You yourself make yourself angry. Let me give you an example of my personal life: I had/have a lot of anger inside of my psyche. For 20 years of my life (maybe past lifes, who knows) I kept it down through aggressive workouts, running long distances and listening to hard music. However this only releases the utmost pressure. It's like releasing the pressure of a pressure cooker once. The water keeps boiling. The workouts and the music keep perpetuating the anger, even though I seem kind and calm to the world. What needs to happen is a re-integration of the part of yourself which causes the emotion (Hint: The emotion might want to tell you something). So here is the technique (I will use my anger as an example again): Lie down and keep breathing continuously. Breathe in and let go in a comfortable fession and do not stop (this is important as some memories which come up will be so painful that you will stop breathing). Feel your body - How do you feel? Example: I feel agitation in the left side of my belly. What is that? Example: It's anger. Feel it out. Take your time. Is there all there is or is this emotion a cover up? You can leave this question out in the beginning, however I find it very helpful. Example: Yes, it's a cover up. It's my response to not being able to change a rejection I had to face. What is the underlying emotion? This takes some practice. Focus on the feeling. Example: It's shame. When was the last time I felt that emotion? Example: When I was rejected by a girl I wanted to talk to. Optional: Does this emotion/memory want to teach me something? When was the first time I felt this emotion? If no memories come up, don't worry. The most important thing here is to not make stuff up. If something comes, good. A further point of note: When you experience a memory, does it show in 1st or 3rd person? 3rd person implies a deeper split in consciousness. Example: A memory comes up where a kindergarten teacher yells at me for something I may or may not have done wrong. Step into the scene as your current self. Don't go back in "time", take the memory in to the present. What would the splintered part of you want in that situation in order to feel whole again? Let your intuition and heart guide you. Try things out and see how they feel. You'll know when completion is reached again. Example: I stepped in between my kid-self and the kindergarten teacher. It felt "righteous" but not right. Hugged myself and took myself home. No change... Then, I let the memory take its course and talked to my kid-self after the scene: "Hey, you know its all alright, do you? You know why? Because I still love you." - That's it! Energy surges through the system. Physical tension and deep blockages open up in my belly. A light feeling of levitation sets in. The session is complete. This was one recent example of how this process works. I will provide a video which describes a similar one which this one is largely based on. The most important thing is to FEEL and to let your intuition guide you. Don't force it, let it happen! One further note: You could get really granular with all the terms used here. I would just want to make two points clear: Healing vs. Re-integration: Healing implies sickness. You are not healing yourself. Nothing is wrong, broken or bad. You are simply welcoming a part of yourself home. Good vs. bad emotions: Again, there is NOTHING wrong with the way you feel. There is no need to change anything, it's just a matter of re-integration. In short the process is the following: Feel your body - What do you feel? Describe it to yourself and label it. When was the last time you felt that emotion? When was the first time you felt it? Change the scene mentally until completion is reached. Lastly, here is the video (I know that there is more than one opinion on Teal Swan, however the process is legit): If you have any questions or comments, please share. Cheers!