QVx

@BlueOak how did you blow it?

@LittoDitto Great to hear, take care

Have you sought any professional medical help?

Porn is great for distracting yourself from the pain of life. Sometimes we need that, as if we aren’t using porn then inherently we would be using something else. Once you’re ready to face that pain, the use of porn and other distractions will begin to fall away. If you’re using porn, ask yourself honestly what is causing you pain. Wisdom does not lie in the judgement of the experience, it lies in the experience itself. What is the experience of your life telling in this moment? What are you trying to escape from; the porn, or something deeper?

Experience lies in both abstaining and participating in sexual encounters. Be not concerned with the number of another, but with your own experience. What is the quality of your experience? I have slept with twenty people ranging from one night stands to a two and a half year relationship. There have been many pros and cons to each of those experiences. One night stands have been fantastically liberating and also depressingly empty. Equally, the relationships I have been in mirror the same liberation and depression as the one night stands. Go and experience both, let go of the idea of a number being a measure of one’s being.

Of course, until you realise that letting go is still the same as holding on I used to journal a lot a few years ago, now I don’t particularly write anything down. If I do, I become quickly aware it was a passing insight that needs to be let go of, or a reminder of something I’m already aware of. Journaling is extremely useful for people who have a busy mind. When you get good at journaling it can feel like the world has been lifted off your shoulders.

Great suggestion for many people, a robust system is fantastic for managing the mind. There is one warning I would like to point out; The system will always create bias and, as such, is limited by its own existence. Be conscious to recognise this truth on a regular basis, and in doing so purge all your content in order to start fresh. You will know when your consciousness truly begins to settle at a new baseline, as your need for systems and recording of knowledge fades away.

The Zen teacher is conscious enough to know when to tell you and when to not. Just like you’re conscious enough to know when to do certain things and not to do certain things. Most people refer to it as intuition, although I much prefer the phrase ‘knowing without knowing’.

@Aaron p apologies Aaron, I thought you were looking for a coach! Shows how much of a good life coach I would be

I will be happy to give you some life coaching for free if you would like it? If you’re interested and would like to know more about myself, then please drop me a private message.

One of the core foundations of leadership is people skills. The core foundation of people skills is understanding. To understand people you must first understand yourself. As you begin to understand yourself, you will begin to understand others. Every time you come up against a barrier with a person or people, you must turn inwards to understand what you are missing; depth, breadth, and/or height. You can find a great paper here from Kim Barta. Take some time to study the paper and you’ll find a lot of answers to your leadership, and more specifically your people skills, conundrum. As your understanding of yourself, and subsequently others, grows then you will have a greater understanding of what interests you and what sort of career, and life you would like to live. https://integral-review.org/issues/vol_16_no_1_barta_seven_perspectives_on_the_stages_developmental_model.pdf

Sounds like you’re trying to fix a problem that doesn’t exist. If your job causes you to be flexible with your sleeping pattern then just go with that flow. You’re trying to force something to happen on the ideal that waking up early is good for you. Focus on getting high quality sleep; a minimum of 8 hours where you feel refreshed when you wake up. There is lots of resource on sleep hygiene across this site and the internet. Once you are awake, I would highly recommend some form of exercise which increases your heart rate for a period of 30-60 minutes. I personally do weight lifting and running, as I really enjoy those things; however you can of course do anything, the trick is finding what you enjoy

As much as I have become to loathe recommending models, this situation is a prime example where spiral dynamics is excellent in provide understanding. The ghetto is very much a red stage centric way of living. Not able to link at the moment, however Leo’s YouTube video is a good watch to answer your question