Paradoxed

Meanwhile last time I was in Europe everyone smoked cigarettes including like 12 year olds

This can be pretty frustrating for sure. I love this post. It really resonated with me. I had a colleague from high school say that he "hates Yoga people". Ironically this dude desperately needs what meditation and yoga have to offer. He is a mess of a person. I love him nonetheless. But it's hard to see the level of truth avoidance and conformity and close mindedness when it comes to basic thought. Subconsciously he knows that he needs to try something like yoga to help himself, and beneath the surface he is incredibly sad, hopeless, and desperate for some solution to his situation. But his ego, which makes him feel better about his situation, stands in his way. Without thought, self help is entirely dismissed as an option. He is constantly making himself out to be a victim due to his life circumstances. He has even accepted the fact that he is going to die from smoking cigarettes and claims he will just keep smoking when he gets diagnosed with lung cancer. Ironically this person identifies as nonconformist (he doesn't walk around claiming to be nonconformist, you can just tell its a part of his identity). its part of his victim mentality, which justifies his antisocial behavior and bad habits such as his serious addictions (smoking and drinking endlessly). So his ego pets him like a dying dog getting euthanized. People just do constant truth avoidance. And when people come to conclusions, they just run with the first conclusion they come to. They aren't attacking issues from multiple angles and are almost never taking a meta perspective on life. People look to societal norms or "science" as their Gods, as if all scientists are in agreement, lol. They are waiting for someone with a white collar to tell them what to think or do, or are waiting for the majority of people to do something before they do. You are right about this ruining lives.

I liked it the few times I did it. One time I did 2 tabs of acid (not sure the exact ug but it was strong) then probably like 7 grams of shrooms slowly throughout the day eating probably 1 1/2 polkadot bars. I was also doing bumps of ketamine all day and bumps of coke. I even did a little mdma that day. I called this mammoth flipping. This was at Lost Lands music festival last year. By the end of the night I was hearing voices. I would think of a person and then I would hear them talking in the distance. I was going insane. It was awesome Usually behaving this way would not work out in my favor, but the energy of the environment and the whole experience told me I would be okay. Id say if you do it, just do mostly acid and a little micro dose of shrooms or something.

Psychedelics can become a complete trick. You are constantly having insights with a never-ending pursuit of spiritual truths. This paradoxically becomes a huge distraction from spiritual truth. It's antithetical to what you need, which is deep acceptance and appreciation for life and God without the constant use of drugs. When I behaved this way, I felt disconnected from "normal" people (people who didn't rely on psychedelics to be happy) and was really just addicted to drugs, wanting to escape my responsibilities. I even justified this, saying things to myself like "I've dedicated my life to the psychedelic journey and exploring different states of consciousness". Lol I would behave this way so often that I didn't even feel like a person. I would overthink everything and constantly relate everything back to traumas of my childhood or societal constructs. Everything is normal life was bullshit to me. My anxieties worsened. There was nothing natural about my behavior, everything I did I was being so psychoanalytical in such a weird unhealthy way. And I was constantly trying to go deeper and deeper, to try to gain more and more insight. This is just a recipe for disaster, its a trick. I was just addicted to the psychedelic headspace I found myself in and justified my addiction by claiming to be some sort of truth seeker. Depending on what substances you are taking regularly there are just pragmatic mental health reasons to stop, like developing HPPD, de-realization, de personalization, developing antisocial tendencies, etc. I have realized how badly I need sobriety and to know God with a clear mind. So I have quit the constant mushroom chocolate intake, doing LSD all the time, constantly smoking weed, DMT or 5meo. I've been sober from psychedelics for a few weeks and have quit smoking weed just recently, 3 days completely sober from that. Weed is the hardest to stop. So don't be like me and justify all this behavior. Get on the sober bandwagon. It will seem silly what you are doing once you remove yourself from it.

You need to deconstruct your addiction to these substances and realize you are deeply unhappy because you are doing them. You are doing them because you think they help the exact thing they are causing. Cigarettes and alcohol give you something to turn to, something to "do" about emotional stress. So in a sense it gives you a sense of certainty- every time I feel any emotion, positive or negative, I can smoke a cigarette to either enhance that moment or escape from a negative emotional state. Self development will stimulate the same mental high that smoking gives you. Smoking actually makes you feel horrible. Same with alcohol. You have to full deconstruct your addiction and realize that these substances are the biggest cause of your turmoil. Before you quit, you have to see yourself as a non-smoker. Same with alcohol. You have to fully believe and become obsessed with the idea of being free from these substances. The idea of being a non-smoker or non-drinker has to make you feel good. You have to believe it is possible to quit. Don't fall into the illusion that it will be difficult to quit. If you believe this, it will be true. Once I accepted that I wanted to quit, and accepted that it would be easy to quit when I was ready, I just stopped one day without any issues. And I had been smoking since I was 15 and struggled many times to stop. Listen to Allen Carr's easy way on tape or read the book. It is suggested that you keep smoking and enjoying the practice of smoking while reading. By the end of the book you will not want to smoke as it will help you deconstruct why you are doing it. Once you understand why you are doing it, you don't want to do it anymore. It feels stupid. This happened to me halfway through the audio book. I knew that I wouldn't go back and I had quit for good.

When you say "asking for something to happen" what do you mean exactly? I feel that many people when praying aren't practicing devotion and are simply asking for specific things to happen to them. Work on lessening your ego through meditation so you can hear that inner voice. When you speak to God realize that you are God, you are never without God, he is with you wherever you go. It would be a better practice to give yourself over to him, relinquish your desire for whatever you are praying for and practice acceptance. Learn to align with the God and devote yourself to living your life from there. God is within you so you have to meditate and figure out how your mind works. What movement would you be spearheading? This is not the path. Stop looking for what you should or shouldn't do, work on just being aware enough to feel what is best for yourself. When moments of clarity arise you want to be aware enough to make the mindful decision. Not all decisions should come from thinking. Listen to your body. Experiment with different ways to meditate and different forms of yoga, I would recommend kriya yoga

You can contribute to evils of the world without thinking about it, simply through self bias of your own direct experience. For example, you may decide to take a 10-15 minute shower every day. A serious environmentalist would find that evil when you could do it in 5 minutes. To the people who don't have accessible water this could come off as evil that you shower every day in the first place like this. Now I ask you is it evil? In a sense, no, it's not evil because you're unconscious of the widespread implications of what you're doing, but in a much realer sense you are contributing to evil. Same with buying shit off amazon or from Walmart when you could support a local business. This goes deep to the point of you even having strong opinions on how the world should be, and working towards making those beliefs a reality, is a contribution to divisions in the world, because others will want the world to look different. Then there are competing ideologies in the world, which causes deep conflicts like war, aka what most people consider evil. Or people say one side or the other is evil in said war based on their own interpretation of events through their ideological framework. It's close to impossible to not be evil in some way. That's because evil is not a real thing, evil is subjective and changes with the interpreter. Evil is better defined as selfishness, acts of extreme self-bias while not knowing yourself in others. These people haven't realized that separation between themselves and others is imagined, so the most cruel and evil people can intentionally hurt people for their own personal gain without caring. But most evil is more subtle convenient ways of self biased actions and thought. This is all defended and protected by the ego mind, to the point where it is basically happening unconsciously and nobody realizes they are doing it. Collective unconscious behavior lead to great "evils" in the world. It seems that good is better defined as extreme selflessness while evil is better defined as extreme selfishness. A truly actualized individual who knows themself as God does not hurt others because he is at a higher level of awareness to his or herself as everything. Those that do hurt others are out of alignment with God in that sense. So it's not really that Hitler was a good person, it's more that Hitler was just a person. He was a person who was corrupted by ideology and doing what he thought was justified and right and inflicting that on the world. In a sense it is not much different than what many countries or individuals do on a much smaller scale, in their own daily lives. And in that sense, we are all evil, because we all have self bias towards our ideologies, beliefs, etc and a preference for that. You will never get to understand someone on psychological level by demonizing or writing them off as evil. You have to come to some sort of understanding and agreed upon definition of what good and evil actually are. When you dig deep enough you realize that good and evil do not exist and are completely subjective. So it's not that rape, murder, and Hitler are good, it's more that they are simply happening, not inherently good or bad, but you as a selfish human being with self-preference and bias and ego will label and conceptualize such things as evil because you would not want that inflicted upon you. You could also lack this awareness, and not see yourself in others, and go around raping and murdering people. It's more important to understand that Hitler did many things that you see as bad because of your perspective, but to his perspective and other Nazi's at the time, they were doing what they "thought was right", and that is how evil is typically played out IMO. The point is not that "Hitler is a good person". I don't think a truly enlightened person is capable of rape of and murder like you're talking about.

@Thought Art I am in a similar but opposite situation to yours. I made the hard decision to stop doing something that I have been doing since I was 21, which I dedicated most of my life to, and pays pretty well. But it started to feel consuming and unfulfilling. Maybe I could've kept forcing things if I tried. But my stressful job was turning me into a person I didn't like. I also beat myself up for not being able to make it work, and looked at coworkers who enjoy the field, asking myself "Why can't I enjoy it like they do?" Remember that Leo has switched his career many times and also switched his major in college like 4 times. For me and my situation it was as if suddenly I was aware that my career was out of alignment and my body would not let me continue down that path, and when I tried to force things it felt horrible. I'm also around your age, I just turned 29. So it's sort of an opposite situation where I thought I found what I liked but then lost my passion for it entirely. I actually don't think I ever had a passion for the path I took, I was just excited to pursue something that would make me great money in my early 20's. Then I got completely stuck. I know no other skill to make money other than the very niche career I had. Point is just because you find something doesn't mean it will last forever and work out long term for you after you think about things. Now I'm looking for boring low paying jobs at restaurants just to keep myself busy until I find something I want to pursue. Have you made any progress in figuring things out? I am trying to be open to any opportunities, especially things very different to what I was doing, like some sort of profession helping others or animals. Don't accept mediocrity. But don't beat yourself up for not having some serious career. You have to recontextualize what mediocrity actually is. If you work hard at life and have a basic job, but live an interesting life of passion outside of that than your life is not mediocre. Don't define your life based on what others think of your career either. I know you'll figure it out

I don't find it useful in that regard. I think quitting your addictions will help you

I think we are all son's of God in a sense we are all Jesus realizing ourselves

Jesus couldn't prove it either. Some claimed he did miracles but who knows. And they killed him for his claims.

This can happen to you too. Don't be a Jesus denier

I tried to message you but it says I'm not allowed to send messages. Message me

The problem is he acts like he's the only one who has attained this level of consciousness. Leo has also claimed this, so I doubt Leo will ban him for it, unless Leo is a massive hypocrite.

I think Jesus was pointing to a state of consciousness we can all attain and a heaven inside ourselves. If you have attained this state, you have attained christ consciousness. Am I wrong? Many people have attained this state. I'm not denying you are there.

I was just teasing. It's an assumption you are making that anyone is seeking something from you

I don't think he needs to be banned, I find it quite entertaining. I don't think you should learn from someone who says they know everything. I have had notions of omniscience when I experienced heaven. Despite this notion I don't believe I know everything and proclaim myself as the second coming of Christ. God has also told me I need to go to Earth to spread his message. Despite this I am not larping as Jesus on an internet forum

this is a little on the nose but I love it <3

just because you have been on actualized.org longer than other people means nothing. sounds like you need more 5meo in your rectum

dude squirted 5meo into his bum and couldn't handle it just fyi so how enlightened could he really be

Fair. I was directing my comment at OP

You should play chess to be happy. It's what you like doing. You can even do it all the time, compete, and keep it as your identity. In this sense it is your purpose. Not everyone's purpose makes them a bunch of money. Why haven't you been able to turn chess into a career? Why do you need a career in chess? If you can make enough money at a job to fund your chess endeavors, why isn't that good enough? Don't ruin the thing you love by overemphasizing it as a career. I'm sure there is a job out there you can enjoy, something else, that allows for an awesome life of passion. I make music and release music but ultimately do it for myself and I don't care about being a famous or successful musician or doing it as a career. That actually sounds awful. I don't want to take what I'm passionate about and turn it into a rat race for money. I don't want my passion to be exploited. Play chess because it makes you happy, not to fuel your ego.

In other words, trust your body, not your anxiety thoughts. Stop looking for a voice to listen to and start doing what feels right.

I quit a pretty "good" career that paid well and most people wonder why I stopped because it was out of alignment with me. But you can't know what is out of alignment with you without having a deep understanding of your intuitive voice. You can't dismiss experiences you've never had, that's just irrational fear. So try new things and move towards fear. There is ultimately nothing to fear when it comes to stuff like that. There is probably an element of your ego which believes that overthinking and over worrying is helpful. Stop thinking and start experiencing things first, then see if they feel right by listening to your body. Even if you tried the job for example and didn't like it you could stop. This is like god vs satan

I would just do one tab to start out. I would not have a trip sitter, you don't need one. Shrooms are like talking to mother earth, imagine the sacred sound "Om"... LSD is a much longer experience, imagine like "zzzzzzz" type sound. Sense perception is heightened in a much different way than psilocybin. Shrooms have a much heavier body load. LSD feels great, like an intense cleanse of your system, with tons of energy, and much less nausea. Both can have a potential for ego-death. In my experience shrooms are much weirder and much more emotional. LSD is also a much longer experience, so I would drop early in the day around 9-10am and expect a 12 hour experience. I also have experienced quite an ego boost on LSD, feeling like I could do anything and am on top of the world. You can fuck for hours. I have much more confidence. On shrooms, I usually cannot function properly and want to meditate, and heal from trauma. I have experienced headaches from LSD after a long trip, so there is more of a comedown, but I have also experienced headaches on shrooms so its probably just me. The next day or two after LSD I have experienced almost like a dopamine hangover. It definitely does much more to your body than shrooms and takes more energy. You should walk outside in nature for sure. It's amazing and will be great just like shrooms. Just put one tab on your tongue, and next time try two if you didn't think it was enough. Messing around with a high dose of LSD for the first time ever could leave you royally fucked, paranoid, out of control thoughts, voices, etc. Miscellaneous notes: LSD and hallucinogens affect everyone differently, I am very experienced with both LSD and shrooms, and I don't even do over 250ugs. I have 250ug gel tabs that dissolve on your tongue and I'm convinced I would become psychotic if I do more than one tab. I typically cut these tabs into halves or even less. I don't need that much hallucinogens to reap the benefits, which also may be specific to me. I am sensitive to them. I have only done 250ugs one time (one gel tab). You can basically read other peoples minds, You are so construct aware and in tune with what is happening. You experience synesthesia, Colors are triggered by sounds. It's like you are vibrating at a different level. You are able to assess risks very well. You become a very good communicator. You access the god-head on both substances. But that is just me. You sweat very much on LSD. Your experience will shrooms will not inherently transfer over to LSD so be wise.