jenna

I would absolutely say drawing is akin to meditation when you get into a kind of flow state. When you're so concentrated you forget the time, what's going on around you. But it's also really rare that I can do this through drawing. When I'm drawing, my mind is typically focused on something external; and if I'm drawing from references or thinking about different aspects of my drawing. While I think it's very much a meditative state, I don't think it can be quite consistently so. I think you're using too much of your active brain (beta waves). But this is just my opinion from my experience.

Definitely a good first topic

Alright, so this is my journal. I keep a hand-written one for myself; I write in it everyday, but i'm hoping having people reading and commenting on this will be helpful. So I suppose an introduction would be nice: I'm Jenna. I'm 24 (25 in April). I'm transgender (as the title suggests)-- I am in the beginning stages of my transition. I am in the process of becoming a graphic designer/comic artist (one of my goals). I am also on a journey to better health via fitness and better diet. I'm trying to quite smoking. Develop a team that will lead me to success. And i'd like to build a website, and publish a book, that will further the general public's understanding of what it means to be outside the gender binary. While I hold no religion, I am on a journey of spiritual (for lack of a better term) well-being, and actualization. A year and a half ago, I came to terms with my gender identity-- which I had hidden under a veil of repression. At the time I was in university studying English Literature, had the girl of my dreams, and a decent job. As I began coming out (first to my mother and then my girlfriend at the time) I began to suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression from fear of my future, fear of losing important relationships, body-dysphoria, and general lack of understanding. I was seeing a councilor, who was helping, but my grades slipped, the company I had been working for five years was bought out and liquidated, and my girlfriend and I were on the outs. As the summer came, I lost my job, my girlfriend, and had been withdrawn from my university. I was broke, emotionally, mentally, and financially--broke. I was extremely overweight (as I had been since around middle school). That was my rock-bottom. Since then, I've lost 65 pounds, embraced yoga, daily meditation, visualization, daily gratitude, positive affirmations, and reading books on self-development. So the point of this journal is to help me be consistent with the whole self-actualization thing, get opinions, maybe network. But mostly for accountability to myself.

Here's the link for the yoga channel I mentioned: Yoga with Adrien

March 28, 2016 okay, so I haven't posted in a while, I don't really have any good excuses... Today was a really good though! Started meditation on my floor again, instead of in bed-- makes a huge difference I find; did my visualization for twenty minutes, following. I've started a new meal plan for myself-- based on Yuri Elkaim's book "The All-day Fat-Burning Diet" (and no, it's not a "diet"). Today was a low-carb day (50grams or less), with a five minute interval workout followed by an optional 30 minute low-intensity cardio session on the stationary bike. I also added a thirty minute yoga session. If you're wanting to get into yoga, and don't have the funds for a class right now, I highly recommend the youtube channel "Yoga with Adrien" (I'll post the link below). I'm doing her thirty day yoga boot camp, I've done a few of them before, but today i'm starting at day one with the plan of doing it consistently. I've also started focusing on drinking my water. I didn't do much other than that. I should have gotten some drawing done. Anyway, I need to get some sleep. Jen the zen spartan, signing off!

I have recently started carrying a post-it note with affirmations, I need to get into a better habit if viewing them. But a big one that has helped me, even slightly in my limited experience is "I love myself."

March 21, 2016 (Day 2) So I thought I'd kind of list the things that I really want to work on through this journal. I kind of talked about it yesterday, but for my sake (and anyone who decides to read any of this), I thought i'd actually list the habits I want to incorporate, and areas I really wanna focus on in my self-development journey. I think laying it out there in point form makes it a little more concrete, and a better reference. (keep in mind this list may be constantly revised as I go through my journey, or make them more specific). Habits I'm trying to incorporate: Daily drawing practice (either digitally or pencil-paper) Brushing/flossing Daily gratitude Daily meditation and visualization Some form of exercise (yoga, cardio, calisthenics) Read ten pages of a "good" book a day (aka self-development) Get a good amount of sleep What I'm trying to work on: Lose weight (via diet and exercise) Quit smoking Improve my financial state Master my mind Get my career started Transition by the time I'm 30 First of all, today I started my day with my daily meditation, visualization, and gratitude. For meditation I've been using the app Calm; I love this app! there's almost nothing that's even comparable from my experience with several other apps. As for my visualization, I've developed a personalized "routine" that I go through. Although today I felt anxious to get out of bed, and found I cut it short-- not giving it the time it really needs. I also try to spend a few minutes reflecting on things that I'm truly grateful in my life; I try to make them different everyday, and the general rule is that they cannot cost money. I often post my daily gratitude on my tumblr blog (there's a link to that in my "About Me" section on my profile). So that was my morning. I also spent a bit of time cleaning my room, which was looking a little chaotic. I read Marie Kando's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which I highly recommend to anyone who struggles with clutter, hoarding, and general issues with too much "stuff." I think I need to go through and do it again. I'm strongly heading towards a life of minimalism. The first time i went through, I went from about four book CASES of books to two, which was, despite what Kando says, the hardest part for me emotionally. I'm a huge book junkie. So to fix that issue, I renewed the library card I hadn't used in about four years... so... there's a tip if you're a book whore like me. Anyway, I did get some drawing done. And I did read ten pages of book. I didn't spend any money. However I was pretty sedentary all day, and ate relatively poorly. Anyway, I do need to get to bed. Goodnight, lovelies.

Need this! please hahah

@vizual made an excellent point-- the feelings are very important. I'm just getting into visualization, myself, and the most powerful sessions I have are ones that evoke feelings. If you're new it it, try looking up Lisa Nichols guided visualization on youtube. And the two books I've read solely on visualization are Jon Gabriel's Visualization for Weight-loss (i'd recommend it, even if weight loss isn't an issue), and Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. Both books have been quite informative, especially on developing visualization skills.

I think encouraging "guilt" as a form of motivation is actually anti-productive. As someone who often experiences guilt if a day doesn't go according to plan, I miss one of the daily habits i'm trying to incorporate, etc. I tend not to want to continue when i feel guilt. So the biggest thing that's helped me, is during meditation, when my mind wanders, I've learned not to get upset with myself-- be gentle. And that's thing, be gentle with yourself, you're making a lot of changes and it takes a lot of time, and patience to change any aspect of your life. @Leo Gura has a great video where he talks about how your subconscious wants to reject the changes you're making, as you are verging away from the homeostatic state that has worked for you so far. So the biggest thing, is when you've forgotten to do something, or something hasn't gone how you planned, remember that it's part of the process, and now that you've realized "oh, i forgot to meditate today," don't give up on everything else you're working on because you feel guilty. hope my point made sense.

Well, the big thing that has helped me with anxiety is daily meditation, daily gratitude, and reflections of self-love. Like for me, it mostly comes from body-dysphoria. And i still experience it, but mediation has helped two fold: 1) i can recognize the anxiety, and observe it-- but not let it affect me, and 2) the breathing techniques almost instantly help calm the nerves-- maybe not completely, but that's where the aforementioned "observing" without letting it affect me comes in. I know it's not easy. But you also have to be gentle with yourself-- don't be hard on yourself if or when you find you need to leave a social situation because the anxiety is kicking in. You're trying to work on it. Do you do any practices of self-love? Affirmations? If you're doing all of this, and i'm totally off base, I do apologize haha.

the thing about visualization, I find the real key to it is getting the feelings from the situation. I maybe you are. But for you, when you visualize, are you really thinking about the feelings involved with being confident with the situation you're visualizing? Also, another important step to visualization is the actual practice. Are you going out? Are you giving yourself affirmations throughout the day ("I am confident, "I love myself" etc)?

Name: Jenna Stewart Age: 24 Gender: Female Location: Alberta, Canada Occupation: Laborer, aspiring artist, author Marital Status: single Kids: No Hobbies: Drawing/digital art, reading, writing, yoga, meditation, self-development, video-games on occasion. I got into peronal-development for a brief period after discovering Thomas Hodges, the relationship coach. I can't remember how, whether it was recommended by Hodges, or if i just happened upon it, but I found the Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson. I let go of personal development until I hit rock bottom last summer (read my first journal entry for the details: http://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/2380-jens-journal-the-actualization-of-a-trans-woman/#comment-23066). I began listening to Lewis Howe's podcast, and watching youtube videos which led me to @Leo Gura and Actualized.org. Personal challenges I've overcome: Coming to terms with my gender identity after 23 years if repression Lost 65 pounds (still more to go) Dealing with anxiety Not relying on anyone else to make me happy Realizing my life purpose What I'm working on now: Improving my health, fitness, and eating clean Incorporating tiny, positive habits Spiritual growth My transition Building my dream career Quitting smoking