El Rio

Hi Folks, I am looking for some advice from the more advanced souls. Chronologically, I'm an old geezer, 64 years. About 3 years ago I began experimenting with medium-high doses of psilocybin mushrooms. This lead to multiple love awakenings and an entirely new path. Old story, new face. But the deeper I get into this, the more I learn about everything in our current lives, being nothing more than a dream. This has been a shocker! So, here's where I need the advice. In about 2018 I looked around at the condition of the world and decided that due to many factors, we are on the edge of imminent collapse. Financially, environmentally, militarily...you name it. So, I set about making preparations for my 3, Grandsons whom I love dearly. Knowing, just how rich the food chain is in SE Alaska, I set about buying a property and building a home to gift to these Grandsons after my demise. Worldly thinking for their continued survival. So, this is my retirement plan, and I love it here, but I'd always planned on retiring some place where I could scuba-dive like weekly if not daily. SE AK, is not the place for that I can assure you! Nor, does my wife want to live here in the long, dark winters. So, did my worldly thinking blow it? When I die do all of these well-laid plans (and my Grandsons and my wife) vanish like my nightly dreams vanish? Should I have chosen the path of the tropics and scuba-diving for myself and not the plan of planning for a refuge for my progeny? After Leo's video on Solipsism along with parts of many other things I've recently studied I feel more than confused about exactly what the hell I was thinking. Still am thinking I guess. Thanks in advance. I look forward to hearing a few perspectives. ER

Thanks Keryo. How I'm feeling? I'm not afraid to try again but I won't use the aborts. Those will go in the compost bin in the future. Cubensis has opened a door for me and I gratefully walked through it. And no doubt there is more to learn from this entity. I started out very relaxed and trusting. But once I realized the door was closed during this experience (no colors eyes closed or open!) is when I got up and started resisting. The final surrender saved the experience and maybe my self. At least it felt that way. You know that very day I was watching a YT video on how to use this entheogen for maximum spiritual gain and the creator said, "Before you take them, reach down inside yourself and ask or the universe if taking the mushrooms at this time is permissible." I thought that was great advice and then spaced out the doing of it. I won't forget next time because inner knowing or intuition is seldom wrong for me. Thanks again.

Late in 2022 I considered myself somewhere between an atheist or an agnostic. And then I experienced some wonderful mushroom experiences that showed me the love of God. And in the course of one evening I came to know God at least partially. Skip ahead to last Saturday night. I'm leaving for Alaska for 3 months and decided to do one last "journey" and clean out the older jar of mushrooms that I grew (legally in Colorado). But all that was left were these little tiny shrooms that had filtered to the bottom of the jar. Many were "aborts" that would never had matured correctly. So I weighed out 4 grams and ground them up and made a tea. Within 10 minutes they were coming on strong. And I mean strong.I got comfortable with some good tripping music and closed my eyes. I started feeling this intense pressure around my 3rd eye area and just figured the shrooms were helping with my request for spiritual growth during this journey. But it got amazingly intense to the point that it was causing pain. I could feel intense pressure on my eyeballs and even down to the roots of my top, front teeth. "Does it have to be so painful" I asked? and the intensity did decrease a bit. I then noticed that instead of beautiful colors, there were NO colors at all. And no messages either. I was blocked completely from everything! "Something is wrong" I said. "What is wrong"? No answer. I got up and the shrooms were coming on even stronger. I went outside, but could hardly stand up. I began to wonder if perhaps some form of bacteria had infected my crop and poisoned me. I stuck my finger down my throat to try to throw up but it had already been an hour and nothing came. I walked around a couple rooms for 45 minutes certain that I was going to die. My wife was upstairs and knew I was tripping. I thought about telling her what was going on, but I knew that would end up with me going to the ER and a bad trip would no-doubt get worse. Cops, name in the paper? I mean who knows. So, I thought to myself. "If you can wait this out, you may not die. Or if you lay down and resign yourself to death, you might. But walking around worrying isn't helping shit"! So I laid down and decided to die like a man. I closed my eyes and instantly a white flash of light came into my mind. "Well there it is, I've probably just crossed over". I really don't know what happened over the next hour, but when I regained consciousness I was talking about love. Love in all things. That went on for another 30 minutes and slowly I came back to my normal state of consciousness. I went into this like always, very respectfully with meditation first and serious questions for Mother Mycelium. So what happened? I've read anecdotal reports that the "aborts" are twice as strong as the mature shrooms from the same batch. So was my 4 grams more like 8 grams? are the "aborts" not capable of transmitting a valuable lesson? Or did I just piss the entity that teaches through the shrooms off somehow? Did a part of me die? I have lots of questions and wouldn't mind some possible answers from you experienced psycohnauts. But one thing is certain, I'm not ingesting "aborts" EVER again!