@TJ Reeves If you're writing a serious book, it's probably best not to publish chunks of it on a public forum. You'll want to maintain copyrights and all that. Just an FYI.

@Steph1988 Yes, I'm sure it looks that way from your POV.
I just can't communicate to you how I come to these conclusions. They integrate hundreds of sources and 1000s of hours of practice. The only way for you to really understand is to walk the path yourself.
I have made a career out of personal development, but the difference is, I understand that all my words are not the Truth. And my career in personal development will be short-lived.
I am not kidding about the black hole effect. It's very real. And it is already happening to me. At some point, you may just find me sitting alone in a cave in silence. Come say Hi, but don't expect any answers.
When you get far enough down the rabbit hole, you'll understand why it must be this way.

From my own experience what you have going on right now "the I cannot integrate with society attitude" is just a phase. Just keep digging. It'll fall off and a different phase will come up. This'll get stronger and stronger and stronger and it'll feel like you are completely falling apart (what you also are) and at some point you just die (the illusion of ego). And then when you're dead, there are still the phases happening but no one who cares about them.

Classic hero's journey.
Everyone is on the spiritual path all the time. Most people just die never realizing it.

Interesting post.
Not sure about all the other stuff, but definitely going 24/7 mindfulness beast mode will get you there much quicker. That is the main advantage of monks and doing meditation retreats.
1 hour of daily meditation is not sufficient to really become conscious. That's more like a newbie or maintenance dose.
The issue is not that people don't know how to get to enlightenment fast, it's that they don't really want to. They are busy with life and don't want to drop everything.
Congrats on awakening.

Oh god, you are a New Age sort of guy. I get a few tinglings that this is written also in a manic condition of bipolar or just mania itself? How long have you been enlightened?
I thought this would be a nice guide until after the point of you mentioning the year 2012, going into crystals, keys, and all sorts of things which you have zero evidence for.  I am a little higher in openness than the average, without any mystical experience (would place me in one SD above).
I'm so confused why people believe in these sorts of things, when science is far more awesome.
If you sit down in a room, and meditate, there are none of these conceptualizations unless your ego, monkey-mind is ruminating on how woke you are. I don't mean that to be rude, but simply in direct experience this is nonsense. It also includes any other concepts, except for what is directly available.
 

How I became enlightened FAST and how you can do it too 
 
Warning: Be radically open-minded before you read everything below. 
 
Don't seek too much information, seek massive transformation. Be one(awarness) and let go of all meaning.
How to:
- being focused only on breath. Redirect your attention to your breath when thoughts arise, you do this every second for a few months. You can't both be fully focused on breathing and thinking at the same time (hearing mental sounds). After sometime of doing this 24/7, the mind surrenders. By doing that your grounding yourself in consciousness, and your enlightened when your fully grounded in this consciousness.
-  drop every arising meaning creation for extended periods of time by being in this awarness which is connected to your breath
- having a serious intention to raise your consciousness.
- Being fully open to new experiences, rejecting nothing. Radicaly open minded.
- Following intuition. (when your following intuition there are not present as much mental sounds, intuition gets to the point faster than logical mind)
- the most important step is realizing that you have nothing to lose. Only than you can fully immerse yourself into it.
 
To destroy the ego you have to be in the being state, and if you want results with enlightenment fast, you have to have a serious intent to raise your consciousness. You have to be this awarness continously to get rid of all thoughts. This means that it's harder to become enlightened by being aware just when your doing your traditional meditation practice for up to 60 minutes or 3 hours or even 5 hours. Being aware of that is easy compared to being this awarness all the time without even making a distinction between sitting meditation and the rest of the day. It's very very important to keep expanding this awarness moment to moment and don't stop for a long period of time. But overall it's not even a long period of time, You can do this in 1 year or even 4 months if your extremely serious to be in this awarness every second for a few months. It's extremely easy but with all the thinking your making it complicated. Reality is so fucking simple you will NEVER understand it with thought. Understanding awarness with the mind is like lighting up the sun with a cigarette lighter. Also with that approach your not creating a sense of linearity, you are non-linear and that method just destroys the illusion of linearity.
 
After I got enlightened I became aware how the body just moves automatically without me thinking anything(hearing mental sounds). I was like shit, I have a lot of work to do to undo all of that programming. So I was starting to do more and more personal development and consciousness work simultaneously. Enlightenment changed nothing . Enlightenment just made me more aware of the functioning of existence, how everything is happening without effort inside me.  At that point your mind and ego die, because you surrender to to effortlessness and ego and mind is all about effort. So after you become enlightened everything you could accomplish is effortless. You really don't need any thought anymore to function and succed in life. So... that means you don't have to go to meditate in a cave for 30 years. You can do your life purpose and enlightenment simultaneously. Yes it's hard but if you apply everything I am talking about here you will be enlightened extremely fast. Probably none of that stuff has been discussed on Actualized.org yet.
We can be enlightened much faster in this time and age.
You have to become increasingly aware moment to moment and maintain that intention for a few months. To not pay attention to the content of awarness but to awarness. And after that you will arrive in utopia, you will want to go back but you'll recognize that you can't. You have embodied that which is permanent. The mind surrendered to consciousness. 
Now... Imagine the app store. When you click download, the application needs to be first downloaded and only than it can be started. It's the same with enlightenment. You need to embody the higher forms of consciousness and that is pure being. You embody it by being in awarness for an extended period of time. The more interrupted you are, the longer it will take you. Ask yourself how fast is your connection. If it's slow it will take you a lot of time to get to enlightenment if it's fast the higher consciousness will anchor in your 3D vessel and you'll become enlightened fast.
Ask yourself how conductive you are. If you want to be enlightened fast, you need to drop all resistance and drop arising resistances for extended periods of time with awarness, by observation, without being judgemental, attached, not building any meaning when thoughts arise, not labeling anything as good or bad for your own gain (because when you do you start constructing meaning and that is illusion), not gossiping not comparing yourself with others, not creating a sense of linearity, being aware that your not what you sense as yourself, existence cannot be perceived with senses it's only trough consciousness.
Consciousness is an expanding fractal.
Have a serious intent at the start, like your life depends on it. As you become more and more conscious this seriousness will vanish and all that will be left is playfullness. You will start playing with all of the content of awarness and not seriously indulge in it by assigning it meaning, thinking of it good or bad. You will be detached, and after a while that detachment will become automatic, a part of you. This intent must be present for long periods of time, interupptedly.
Establish a meditation practice first. I have started with meditation with headphones, at the start it is much easier to establish a meditation practice by listening to meditation music, 7.83Hz resonance, solfeggio frequencies and 432Hz frequencies and music. Meditating in nature or on nature sounds (birds, creek...) is also very powerful. Meditate in the morning and keep expanding that consciousness after you finish your sitting meditation trough the day without making even a distinction between that sitting meditation and the rest of the day.
I have trained every second for a few months (3 moths) and then the mind surrendered to existence. Now I have to force myself to think (to hear mental sounds). I think when I want to think and I can stop constructing meaning out of arising thoughts.
So if you really want to be enlightened now see every moment as a meditation practice from now on.
That's it. After a while it Will become automatic. You could than completely change everything your doing in your life and still maintain that awarness of awarness. It becomes permanent and this is enlightenment.
 
 
 
How my journey began.
A spiritual experience happened, a paranormal one. I saw a spirit, a ghost, and that being was watching me, I became aware of him and he was aware of me. I Will just sum what happened. I was walking at 5:30 in the morning and saw a light a few meters away from me, I was walking by that light and was looking at it. I was questioning myself, from where this light comes from, if it's something there that the light reflects from, I was looking at it and couldn't find anything. Than I had a realization this light was moving like somebody is turning their head as I was walking by. I had a thought of "What if it's an ghost", and that very instant the ghost moved for about 20cm, it was like a being without a physical 3D body. Than my fear programming kicked in, I didn't know what to do, I have grabbed a stone an threw it at the ghost, and when the stone was in air the being disappeared into the ground. I had the strangest feelings that moment, feelings that I didn't felt anytime else. When you see stuff like that your perspective is radicaly altered. I have researched a bit after the event and came to some strange and mind blowing conclusions and after that I have decided that I'm not yet ready to accept that reality but I told myself that it Will come a time when I Will understand, so I have put all this aside and was not thinking of it at all.
After a year and a half, some strange events happened and I was invited to a secret forum not publicly available but only trough invitation. I have found about spirituality and all progressed from there very fast.
I was curious to find out more because I knew I couldn't trust what I see and hear anymore. I knew there is something more to reality than my perceived self, my sense of self. I made the intention to raise my consciousness to the highest level possible.
 
 
This is what I did aside from all of the things I have already mentioned. Everything already mentioned is enough to become enlightened. This are more the things that  happened after enlightenment. I still think they are related and can lead to enlightenment and Will help you tremendously if your are open enough to accept them.
- When the teacher in school was talking the theory from the textbook we had to all write it down. I have witnessed for long periods of time how thoughts automatically triggered when I had to write it all down. So I have trained to write without hearing mental sounds from the teacher (to repeat that which the teacher said in my mind). I have directly become the teacher. I was in this ever present awarness that is everywhere. I was all of the connections. I have become a channel for the teacher who was talking. I had no thoughts and my arm was automatically writing down every word the teacher said. Try it yourself without stopping till your arm hurts. In this practice it's not important to pay attention to content of awarness it's just being while your bombarded with thoughts. This is just a side practice that was born out of being aware of breath all the time, but found it to be really great in raising consciousness, so I had to write it down.
- I have used many activations to activate energy channels. The are a lot of different activations but the ones I have had are easy to perform for everybody who has an internet connection and speakers. You go on youtube and learn about Light language activation, you read articles, just immerse yourself in this for a period of time (for 6 hours at least) because it's abstract and not tangible to the mind. Then you listen to Light language channelers. Channels are people who are channeling higher dimensional codes from higher dimensional beings. And after you listen to them you transform in unspeakable ways. You have to sit, palms up and listen to the sounds, be a sponge. It's best to listen before going to sleep so the subconsciousness processes all of those codes when you are asleep so the next day you wake up with new established templates, with new wakefulness. It's also very important to study many perspectives in this field by listening to different youtube channels and reading multiple articles. You really need to be curious here if your not curious about what I'm talking about here your probably close-minded, just drop that resistance now and do your research, you will not just learn new concepts you will come out in a different plane of existence because you become more attuned to non-locality. The best Light language channeler I had the best experiences with is this one. He has removed most of his videos 2 years ago but he said that for a fee of 70$ or something like that he can give you all of them if I remember correctly. I have those videos but will not share it due to the respect and out of support for this man. This activations are extremely powerful. Search on youtube: newaeonawakening https://www.youtube.com/user/newaeonawakening/videos
 
- Becoming more aware that I am an interstellar galactic citizen. Becoming aware of that raises your consciousness to to galactic level. The path to universal consciousness is trought enlightenment. We are evolving. We are becoming more and more aware that we are visited not only now but from the start. I'm talking about beings from other solar systems, other galaxies who are assisting our evolution from the start..  You become aware of beings in other dimensions and that raises the consciousness because you don't trust what you see and hear now. They operate just on higher electromagnetic wavelengths and our eyes cannot perceive those light frequencies so we don't see any of that. They can materialize in this dimension and disappear in an instant. They are just not fully approaching us because that would trigger a mass fear response. When The tipping point is reached, when there are a number of awakened and conscious beings, then there will be contact. And that contact, when they will land and fully show themselves will transform the earth extremely fast. And that time is by a lot of channels coming in the next 15 or 30 years, we'll see. I have an important question for you. How do you approach something so different that you can't relate in any imaginable way?
....It's consciousness, that is the only reletable way.  Because the same consciousness that's present inside me is also present inside them. It's the same. You have to be aware enough to recognize that and only then you can connect on a conscious level.  I had conscious contact with light ships materializing in the sky more than 100 times but most of them were not not like youd imagine, like looking at them for long periods of time. The longest sighting I had was long around 80 second I think but most of them were just for an instant, to just show me that they are there and that they know and recognize that a peaceful conscious contact wants to be established. I have also remote viewed places that I canno't even describe in words. It was not random at all. I had raised my consciousness to the galactic level with the intention to do so. I had many more paranormal experiences but that is not the point of this topic, I just want to make clear what is possible when your serious about rising your consciousness. Crazy stuff Will happen.
- Pay attention the the wholeness in which all content is happening, like you look at a picture in you phone and tap left or right. When your doing that your detached. Your not attached to the content of the image in that photo. So look reality as a photo. Pay attention to all perceived light and all perceived sound. Don't indulge in the content of those two, just become aware of those. Also become more aware and increasingly aware of sensations in the body.
- journal and write a lot about your insights in the start and after the download is complete drop all of that and be that. Find masterful teachers to learn from. And refine your intuition. I have learned the most in my early days from Arcturus RA https://www.youtube.com/user/SIRIUSSTARSEED/videos and Ehani https://www.youtube.com/user/DesiignMS/videos
- The fastest way is to be just aware for a few months that you're reality, see reality as a picture the whole time (maintain samadhi). That will be enough to embody an amount of consciousness that will destroy the ego without psychadelics or anything else for ever. That is all it takes. Yes psychadelics are very usefull for enlightenment purposes but you don't need them to get enlightened. I have had only 1 trip before permanent enlightenment (which was good enough) I have taken 3grams of magic mushrooms (or after enlightenment, I don't know for sure all happened so fast). The important thing about psychadelics I would say is that you can't expand consiousness if you don't have any (yes you are conciouss all the time but you get lost in thought). So first start a meditation practice and after a while try psychadelics, otherwise you Will just be lost in though and no long-term insight Will be gained. This way is much more powerful than just hoping to attain enlightenment by gulping psychadelic substances. Yes you can do that but in reality you don't need it. Reality is a psychadelic trip by itself no addition needs to happen to make it more psychadelic it is already psychadelic. Perfect.
- Learn how to ground yourself. Ground yourself in nature with barefoot walking, exposing yourself to Schuman resonance (7.83Hz)
- Listen to 432Hz music...  Meditation music, ambient music with 432Hz is best.
- Listen every day to Solfieggio frequencies. I have only listened to those frequencies for many months.
- Sun gazing in the morning and/or at night for a few seconds and than start building from there to up to 44minutes a day.
- Using cristals. Learn about cristal therapy and start using them.
- pay attention to your breath, and when you get lost in thought return your awarness to breath. Be aware of your breath more and more. You can't simultaneuosly be lost in thought and have awarness of your breath
- altering my DNA trought sound and vibration
- maintain a rhythm with sticking with the basics. Optimum sleep, nutrition and diet.
- biohacking my light body. Using photonically enchaned quartz nano sperical sand in a pendant. That's powerful. Most of my light ship sightings happened after having this pendant. (Gammatron key) http://www.ra-key.com/keybio.htm
https://www.youtube.com/embed/xj4_0bUEV5g
- using alchemy, higher dimensional vitamins and minerals for my etheric, magnetic and light body. This elements are not located on the 3D periodic system of elements, it is plasmic. This is a game changer and I have found out that from one of my masterful teachers Arcturus Ra (creator of gammatron key). I recommend you watch his videos on YouTube, he's extremely deep, a lot of stuff Will be abstract but that's not even important when your raising consciousness. Your higher self Will understand all of that. You Will be activated by just listening to him, if you remain non-judgemental. I don't want to reveal what that substance is, because I want you guys to listen to this guy first. This stuff alone can make you enlightened without psychadelics and you can make it at home if you want to. What I'm talking about is the holy grail as described in many ancient sriptures around the globe. This is extremely powerful stuff for the purpose of enlightenment.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/Va6y_pR6Or4
 
 @Leo Gura Thank me later
 
 
 
 
 
 

It's hard to escape the rat race without working for yourself.
The catch-22 is, when you start working for yourself, you will be working longer hours for the first 5 years than you worked for your boss. But once you succeed, you'll have the possibility to truly be free. Of course the next catch-22 is that by that point, you will have become so addicted to success that you will likely never go minimalist. At least not until after another 5 or 10 or 20 years of really feeling the pain of it.
This issue is veritable Sarlacc pit. Freedom ain't free.
All that said, deciding to work for myself was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.

@Silver Sounds like a Buddha in the making.
Your intuitions are exactly right. But don't expect society to support you in that.
The kind of joy you can experience by yourself is infinitely beyond anything the external world can offer you. With nothing but some food and basic shelter you can live like a king. That's why people become monks.

The human species is not going to survive no matter what. Either it will be killed off, or it will have to technologically alter itself to such a degree that it will no longer be recognizable as human.
Evolution is ongoing. Everything morphs. The only question is, How long do we have? Technology is going to evolve a lot faster than genetic evolution.

@RossE Yeah, I've had that experience on shrooms where I look at a clock and laugh because the notion of time is so ridiculous. It's just a spinning thingy!

I’m currently unemployed, 23 years old, living with parents (who are financially supporting me) and i’m being pressured to join the rat-race (i.e. full time job in London). I finished university earlier this year (Yea, that was a total waste of money!) and then travelled for a few months - that’s why i’m unemployed.  Every single part of me doesn’t want to work full time, but obviously I can’t live at home forever and my life purpose as a freelance artist is still very much in its early stages. It just seems like having a full-time job will severely restrict either my life purpose or my consciousness work, both of which are hugely more important than some lame-ass job which I don’t really want. 
 
I want to be independent, support myself financially and ultimately move out of my parents place as soon as possible, but it seems as though the full time London job is the only option. It’s like I can’t escape the standard life trajectory (school-university-job-family etc) that my parents are so desperate for me to go into.
 
I was wondering if anyone in these forums is currently working a full-time day job, whilst also pursuing their life purpose and committing to meditation and consciousness work every day? Would be really interested to hear how you deal with it all and/or advice you may have for me.

London is a very expensive place to live. You might want to consider moving somewhere cheap, and cut all expenses as much as possible.
You gotta get creative here!
You're not gonna make it happen unless you really think outside the box. You're bootstrapping it. Do some research and think creatively about how to set yourself up and what exactly you need to make the life purpose feasible. Then reverse-engineer a strategy to get there.

@Evilwave Heddy Clearly your current job is a dead end and your intuition is telling you to pursue learning. But you're afraid because you have no immediate idea of how learning might lead to something productive or lucrative down the line.
THIS is where life purpose work is done. THIS is where the rubber meets the road. If you can't muster the courage and creativity to pursue your intuitions, you've already failed.
Now you can appreciate why most people have crappy jobs and zero life purpose. Because they do what you're about to do: repress the muse and settle for practicality.
It's not important to know how your passions and intuitions will lead to ultimate success. You will NEVER know that! What's important is to muster the courage to listen and follow your muse with diligence.
And your muse is clearly telling you: GO FUCKING LEARN!

Writers write right? Then if you do that, and enjoy it then you have succeeded.
Business people get busy with business. If you wish to be successful in getting published and book sales, then you need to focus on what it takes to do that. Maybe what you like writing about is not what will sell (today / season). Besides, most writers wrote many books before they got their first book published.
The strange thing about artists (writers included) is that once they start selling their art, and keep doing so for several years, they start becoming successful. Why so long? Because the public starts thinking that because the artist has been around for awhile that they must be successful, and therefore their art must be good. So they buy your art / books to find out what is so good about it. Their minds will adapt to finding what is good about it with minimal criticism or negative judgement. Most of these people will become ardent patrons and keep buying your books (until something better comes along).
So hang in their and don't give up. Be patient. Remember, those that hang in their are most likely to become successful financially.

@onacloudynight from my experience, no. pick up is just a waste of time. it's just a mini-game. don't get stuck in a mini-game.
go deep into yourself. maybe, someday, you'll find a girl who's devoted to consciousness work too. then you'll find a breach for a much deeper domain of development and growth: an intimate relationship devoted to Truth.

Artistic and/or intellectual work.   

Anything to do with being self-employed.  Create your own job.  Find a way to be an abundance of value in a manner that makes wallets crack.  It's that simple.  Sit behind a computer, talk on the phone, make some artifact or provide some service that pays you some sustainable dividends.  Try to find a skill that you can commit to master your whole life.

Any career that chiefly resembles this

 

@Jordan wang Of course. So get a job, hustle, and save up your own money to start a business. Don't expect anyone to support your life. You are very lucky your parents give you any money at all. Most people don't get that.
If you are so smart, you should put your smarts towards supporting yourself, earning a living, moving out on your own, becoming fully independent, and having creating business ideas.
If you're so smart, roll up those sleeves and get to work actualizing that smartness. It's easy to talk big, it's another thing to actually do it in the real world, where nobody gives a shit about your dreams.

@LetTheNewDayBegin Firstly, our universe is not the same as all of reality itself. Consider: what you know of as "our universe" is an infinitesimal part of reality.
Secondly, that is not what is meant by infinity. Infinity is not a size thing. It's not a matter of measuring the universe's perimeter to discover whether the perimeter is or is not finite.
Every physical thing is by definition finite, including the universe. What we mean by infinite is an "object" of actually infinite nature, which means it has no properties whatsoever, and therefore it isn't even an object, nor does it exist nor non-exist. It is Nothing. All of reality as a whole is an infinite non-object, object. Within that are found an infinite number of finite objects, including our universe. All of it neither exists nor doesn't exist. That's why it's called "nonduality". Everything is so ONE that even existence and non-existence collapse into one.

Well, to start off I will say that I actually don't want to write this post. Not because I don't want you to know about the experience I had and not because I'm lazy or something but any words I will use in this post just seem to me like a desperate attempt on trying to impress you, on trying to put something into words that simply cannot be put, on trying to give you any kind of a picture about it. It is in that respect useless to talk about it. And I feel very phony of doing so. Just because of the fact that if you read this post and think that Azrael had some kind of very far out experience and you make it into something great and unreachable and somehow away from you, you are kidding yourself. But I guess it can't be helped and I feel like I should at least try to point out what just happened. So see this as mere entertainment. And to the new ones, read my prior post first so that you can contrast the experiences.
+++ On Being A Pussy And Not Wanting To Do the 30mg +++
It's quite fascinating how confused we are in our normal state of egoic consciousness. And it's quite interesting how afraid we are. Even when you think you are not afraid and you are this tough guy, you're kidding yourself. Every bit of the attitude that you put up is rooted in a deep fear of being exposed. Of failing, of surrendering completely. You learned and embody this so throughly that you are all tensed up all of the time. And because this became so normal on a mere physiological level you actually think this muscular tension is you. It's quite incredible how ridiculous were are. And how well we play it.
But let's forget this point for a few more minutes and start with the story. How did all begin today? Well, it was a quite normal day here in Berlin, Germany. Azrael got up in the morning, ate some breakfast, took a shower, shaved his Zen-Master-looking beard and did his daily HoloSync meditation. What a great one it was. What I guess most of you who haven't done 5-MeO don't realize is that you'll start having flavors of the experience throughout your daily life. And especially in meditation. I recreated most of my last experience (the one in which I talk about our holographic nature). I meditated and saw my whole being flickering in this empty and endless space. I felt how when I move my attention I create that centralized space for that brief moment until it goes anywhere else. Quite fascinating.
As always on the weekends I took a walk after my meditation, bathed in the spaciousness I was still wearing and thought about the day. I had to prepare for a talk I will be giving next week so I did this most of the day. When I finished my work I did my daily visualization. I visualize daily what I did this day in a positive way and then I go through the next day and think about what I will do then in a positive way. I tend to be pretty analytical and negative, so my visualization keeps that in place and opens me up a lot.
When I was done doing that I laid on my bad and was just scared. I had thought the whole day that I wanted to do MeO after my work and now was the time. But I was paralyzed. Can I even physically stand the 30mg? Maybe I'm not prepared enough? Can I really surrender? I don't feel quite as confident today like I would want to feel before such an experience. You know the drill, my mind would be going bunkers. But this is normal. I asked several times inside whether I wanted to do this and my intuition was all for it. Like always. But my mind was very nervous and scared. It didn't want to die. And I respect that. Although I gotta say that the nervousness before the experience was harder then the actual surrendering in the experience. But we'll come to that in a few more moments.
So I basically re-watched Leo's video on 5-MeO-DMT, watched one in which Joe Rogan (the comedian) talks about it and I argued with myself all of the time whether I should be really doing it today. My mind came up with all kind of excuses to put it off for another week. But eventually I went inside again and my intuition really wanted my to do it now, so I did.
+++ The Experience: On Being God +++
So I sat down in front of my desk, played my common tripping music, prepared my couch with fresh water, a hanky and a plastic bag (for the case I had to throw up). Then I weighed 2 gram of Kola Nut powder on my fancy new scale, downed it with a little bit of water and weighed 30mg of 5-MeO-DMT. I waited a few more minutes until I felt the Kola Nut coming up and then I basically got on my knees and visualized that I'll have the most epic experience of my life and then I prayed that I can totally surrender into it. To whom did I pray? The fuck I don't know. Probably to myself, that I just give up the show and won't kill myself by resisting the experience. (I think it really did help.)
So yeah, I made two equal lines out of the gold and sniffed it into my nostrils. Man, just seeing 30mg of this and knowing what kind of experience you had with 15-20mg is very special. The whole act is a surrender. There is nothing easy about this - even though the most epic things follow. It's like you have a gun in front of you and you know that when you'll shoot yourself in the head you will be in heaven... but you gotta do the shooting first. It's like that.
So, I sniff it in and go to my couch, tilting the head upside down and massaging it into my nostrils. I waited 5 minutes until reality got really wanky. Then I sat up normal, opened myself up and tried to focus on love. I thought about a girl I loved once very much, I thought about her face when she laughed and how it completely melted me back then. Meanwhile my pulse was going through the rooftop and I had some difficulty thinking about her because my thoughts began to vanish. My head would be pumped with more and more clearness which felt pretty good and I was very comfortable in my body.
What happened then for the next 15-30 minutes I cannot put into words. I also will not scream with upper letters "OH MY GOD" or "I AM IT" or something like that, because I didn't feel any of this in these moments. I didn't say a word. I had a few thoughts but they were kind of arbitrary. I was completely in shock. Completely speechless. But not in a kind of hectic shock, I was very well relaxed and relieved while I was in this state. It didn't even occurred to me that I'm in shock or speechless until 30 minutes later when I slowly came back and began to understand what just happened.
Every picture I had about it prior to the experience was wrong. You can just not fathom with egoic consciousness what it is that underlies everything. I had no pretty visuals or something like that. I saw very clearly and when I closed my eyes for a moment I guess I saw some patterns, but I didn't pay much attention. I just was it. Everything and nothing. But it wasn't special in any kind of way. It began to be special when I came back and my individual tried to make sense out of it. But in the moment itself, it was completely obvious. It was completely eternal and when I felt my body here and there I just would feel so relieved and speechless. At some point I held my glass of water in my hands and I starred at it for probably 5 minutes without closing my eyes. The whole reality, every sense that I had seemed like a shell you could cut. It was also extremely still. Completely eternal. I had no idea what this word really means. In the peak of the experience it wasn't even explosive or something. When I got from normal egoic consciousness to the state I'm describing, the very transition can be quite explosive although the Kola Nut did a great job in making that a very smooth one, but the experience itself is completely still. It isn't even an experience or state. If you have to think about it, think about it like you peel endless patterns of your normal reality away until there is this one core thing left.. and you are this. God. Complete infinity. It's completely indescribable.
Well, I peaked for about 20 minutes and then slowly I began to understand what just happened and then as I said I just was speechless for a good half hour. I just sat there. I had not much thoughts about it, a few maybe but I was just shocked and speechless. Then at some point when I came down I began to cook and make myself a salad. I did this for a few moments and then just had to sit down again and just cried like a little boy for a god 5 minutes straight. I just couldn't believe what I had done to myself for my entire life and what kind of nasty game I played with myself. I just saw it before my eyes and couldn't believe it.
+++ The Beginning Of The End +++
In the last few hours I had some thoughts coming up that resulted from the experience and seemed pretty authentic to me.
You will never die. This is I guess the one thing I learned. You will never die. Don't be afraid of death (and I know this is easier said then done) but just think back. You as an individual were birthed into this live by magic. This whole existence is magic and there is nothing else then pure love. There never was a moment in your eternal existence in which you really had to fear anything. What shall there be? When you open your eyes you create a whole visual field of reality. You are all of that. When you hear with your ears your create a whole auditory space with your sense of 3D hearing. When you think thoughts you create endless parallel realities in your head that have their own reality. When you go sleep at night you can trust yourself to wake up in the morning. When you go you can trust your legs to carry you around. When you go about your day everything you do comes naturally to you. There is not a thing that is not supportive and loving to you. You just like to spin stories that this is the case and you love to identify with it.
If you really wanna see this this right now, just stop believing your own bullshit. When you drop all thought and belief, you are eternity. You are it. Before you lived you were formless and rested in peace. When you were born you decided to play a game called life to experience this material reality. When you die you let this reality dissolve again and will probably rest for some eternal time and then play some new games. Don't be afraid. It's all good. All of your problems have no value at all. Your negative emotions? Yeah so what, there was no time in your life when you couldn't stand those. It's the nature of negative emotions to be negative and it's your nature as God to provide the space for them to occur. It's the nature of the positive to feel good and create a negative that will come at another time again. If you're attached to this, it's okay. Just say to yourself that you're not believing your own bullshit. And keep up your quest. Time will show this to you.
If I had to put all of this in simple words, I would just say that I'm speechless and relieved. Relieved from the nasty game I played with myself. And even though I know that it'll slowly come come back and grab me again, I know that in the next few months I will go even so much deeper with these experiences that it'll just crack like a shell and will naturally fall off. Nothing else makes sense.
Be good to yourself. And be well.
Cheers, Azrael

That's a fucking powerful quote.

I once dated Tony Robbin's copy writer. She wrote all of his sales copy and got paid very well for it. She knew him very well and many other self-help gurus for whom she also wrote most of their sales copy.
She confided in me that she wished Tony Robbins would retire, because he's so over-worked all the time. He's addicted to success.
I don't like to gossip, but when you learn of these kinds of behind-the-scenes stories, the illusion starts to unravel.
You hit the nail on the head: if you were really unconditionally happy, would you care about success? And would you devote your life to getting other people to become successful, or unconditionally happy?
Notice, that every human being who is truly capable of unconditional happiness, does not teach success, she teaches spirituality. Because success is a second-rate substitute for spirituality. Success is what you pursue when you are spiritually clueless.

@Loreena, in my opinion it does to a certain degree. Before I started working in my profession I had just enough money to live my student life. Then, when I began working I got enough money to not care any more how much I spent on my groceries, whether I can go the bar with my friends this weekend, whether I can share a beautiful dinner with a woman and take her out.
And this gives at least me some kind of freedom. It supports the life that I want to live, so it's a basis in a sense. However, it won't make you happy in the way you want to be happy. When you share a deep conversation with a friend, when you are in love, when you have a great meditation or an enlightenment experience you tap into a kind of bliss that is so beautiful and spontaneous that you'll instantly recognize that everything material you can possess cannot compete with that.