nexusoflife

I don't really know if anyone will ever read this post or even understand what I am saying. Whenever I express how I view the world I am met with confusion, resistance and anger by others. I have gone through a few messed up events in my life however I lived what I would consider to be a good life on an external level.I was born in America to a middle class family that cares about me. Events that have contributed to my personal depression are when my mom died when I was 16 as she was the only person I could talk to openly, family instability, and loneliness from not having anyone to relate to because of my viewpoints which i will get to later. My depression is not so much about my life, but the state of the world that I live in. I would say that 15% of my depression is about the state of my life and 85% is about the state of the world we live in. Before I was 17 I was largely ignorant to the amount of suffering on the planet. I began to largely expand my knowledge and open mindedness when I was 17 through doing things such as spending the majority of my time reading, meditating, went vegan, started doing calisthenics and learning to see outside of my own culture. I am now 20. Within this time frame I the way how I view the world has greatly changed. This radical change in my life did yield positives however it has also opened the door for serious depression in my life. Let me explain how I view life and the world. We live in a world where 56 billion+ land animals and 1 trillion+ marine animals are killed by humans every year for food that we have no nutritional requirement for. We live in a corrupt unjust and unsustainable monetary system where money is valued over human life. In society people can’t just live their life as they want. They have to work to earn money. I feel that that is very concerning as this can lead to financial slavery. It is one of the largest systems of suffering on the planet and yet the vast majority seems to blindly accept it without question. There are roughly 1 billion humans on this planet who face devastating poverty, starvation and water shortages because the allocation of resources is inadequate due to ignorance and greed. Schools don’t actually teach. They are systems of conformity that only encourage memorization. The vast majority of students dislike school in some way and in many ways it is like a prison for growth and creativity. The majority of people go through life completely unconsciously. It's as if nobody can see outside of the culture that they were born into, people fail to look at situations from the perspective of another. The vast majority of the population could care less about their health, yet will become sad when they are diagnosed with an illness. We have ongoing epidemics of obesity and starvation happening in the world. With all of this being said people still go on having children. With people having children at the current rate it creates a massive overpopulation problem which further puts a strain on resources. I feel that it is abhorrent to subject a child to the mess that we have created on this planet. Degenerative disease runs rampant because the population consumes animal products and processed foods which are only slowly killing themselves and the biosphere. Environmental degradation is widespread because of the unsustainable ways in which we live our lives. Fossil fuels are still used even though we know that they are destroying the environment and will run out. Species extinction is widespread because forests are cut down to create farmland to feed livestock that we don’t need to eat. All of this however is caused by the human ego. Identification with the ego is perpetuating massive suffering worldwide. Nearly every human on the planet is suffering in one way or another and it is largely caused by identification with the ego. People are caught by the lies and stories of religion regardless of how much fighting and suffering it causes. Almost nobody truly understands what they are on an existential level or what the term “god” really means. People are too busy believing in their dogmatic belief systems. Psychedelics and consciousness exploration are marginalized. People perpetuate their suffering by trying to obtain happiness from others or their beliefs when this can never give a human lasting happiness. What is very frustrating is that even though I know many things that would help my state of mind I still have neuroses and egoic identification that I find very difficult to get past. This in turn makes my life more difficult as I intellectually understand how to get past these things but emotionally I lack the development. I feel that the world has much potential to provide for a mind blowing beautiful experience and I wish that the human species would really begin to behave at its full potential. I still have a lot to write down but it’s so much that it probably wouldn’t fit into a single post so I’ll stop here. So I ask is there anyone else out there that feels like this?

@Arkandeus It does indeed sound more similar to a DMT trip than a psilocybin trip. Although psilocybin does contain DMT as it is 4-PO-HO-DMT. I still don't know what exactly caused this trip to be so profound and deep but I am very grateful that I was able to have this experience. I appreciate that you took the time to read through the entire post.

@S33K3R Thank you for taking the time to read it. I only recently found out about The Akashic Records since I was looking for clarification on the phenomena that I experienced. It is truly amazing as to what psychedelics can give us humans access to. Needless to say I am very curious in learning more about them and what my experience entails. It was an extremely profound experience. When my mind has digested this experience and my nervous system is ready for another psychedelic I will either use psilocybin mushrooms again or LSD as my next entheogenic experience.

@Leo Gura Thank you. I took several days to prepare for this experience. As well as a lot of prior research on psilocybin mushrooms and psychedelics in general. I used many of the usual meditation techniques that I normally do, however one thing which really helped me to prepare for this trip was the extensive usage of negative visualization. I have been using negative visualization since long before I became interested in self actualization and I kicked it into overdrive during the days leading up to this experience. I would meditate and intentionally let my mind come up with the most messed up, demonic, morbid and downright horrifying things that it could generate. I would think of the things that would freak me out the most and then completely bathe my mind in as many of those thoughts as I could. Whilst experiencing these negative thoughts I would challenge myself to simply watch them and not judge them no matter how horrible they were. I felt that this way it would be very difficult for me to experience a bad trip on a psychedelic as I had already begun to train my mind to be equanimous even in the face of extreme horror. This preparation paid off, as when I was facing complete obliteration during the trip my awareness was able to transmute chaos into bliss. When I thought I was screaming it was not out of fear but simply out of pain from the feeling of being violently erased as an entity. I also read a lot of trip reports and found many common themes as to why people get extremely freaked out on psychedelics. Being afraid of ego dissolution, making psychedelics social, not respecting them, not being meditative or contemplative, no preparation and simply put exhibiting stupid behaviors were almost unanimous in all of the bad trip reports that I have come across. I also listened to Martin Ball and Kilindi Iyi and what they had to say about properly using psychedelics. (I came across both of them because of you. Thanks Leo!) You are absolutely right in that psychedelics will kick my ass. I was physically exhausted for roughly the next 36 hours after the trip ended. I greatly respect these substances and take the utmost care and preparation when planning to ingest them.

@nightrider1435 Thanks. I am very serious about enlightenment and this experience was inevitable. I took days of meditation in order to prepare for this trip. I'm kind of like a sponge in that once I realize the depth of importance in something I go out and absorb as much knowledge and experience on that topic as I possibly can in order to make significant progress. I appreciate your positive feedback on my experience.

@Dizzy Thanks for reading my recount of the experience. I will make sure to integrate what I learned in this experience into my every day life. In a way the mushrooms told me to change my life and since the experience I have been seriously and deeply thinking about my life's purpose and all of the decisions that I have made over the course of my life.

@nightrider1435 It certainly was a lot for a first mushroom experience. I expected nothing as I was in a state of surrender but I was prepared for immense profundity. And it certainly turned out to be so much more than I could have ever imagined.

@Nahm Thanks for taking the time to read the whole thing. I greatly appreciate it.

Many of us on an inward journey have discovered things and come across information that has changed the way that we look at things and how we live. Because of this we can now see many of the areas of our world that could be improved. I also understand that the ego is the primary psychological structure that judges everything in our environment that "needs improving" however I thought that it would be interesting to simply ask the question, what does your dream world/society or version of utopia look like?

This is what my utopia would look like. Enlightenment In this world the overwhelming majority of people are enlightened. Culture and human behavior has changed drastically because of this. There is no human suffering in the world for the large part. People are not identified with the mind created ego. This is a world where humans view reality exactly as it is. There is no religion in this world because the population knows what God is and that all of existence is One. They do not carry dogmatic beliefs as they see how this can limit functionality in life. Society does not perpetuate the mind created sense of self. The population knows what true happiness is. People here are functionally effective in order to experience life to the fullest. They have no attachment or emotional investment to anything in life. People here are not concerned with an identity or attached to external circumstance thus they can more effectively and efficiently act in life without mental resistance and emotional chaos. All of their actions are done with zero mental resistance. They behave in a free flowing, spontaneous, healthy, loving and compassionate way. They live life through feeling and flowing with events not forcing and overthinking. They see existence is simply a menagerie of forms and is constantly changing like water. Integral Understanding society and moral compass In this world the overwhelming majority of people look at life from an integral perspective. People are able to look at situations from multiple perspectives. There is world peace. War no longer happens. There are no prisons only rehabilitation centers. Egoic competition is no longer viewed as positive and has largely disappeared. Cooperation has taken its place in the world on a global scale. This world has no enforced countries or boarders only different regions to make navigation and travel easier, humanity is one unit. People in this world are not materialistic and would be considered minimalists, but have a very high standard of living, much higher than what the richest person has today. People are intelligent enough and kind enough to only take what they need. There is a huge emphasis on happiness, exploration, fun and unity. People are nonjudgmental. People are compassionate and have a comprehensive understanding of how emotions work. Psychedelics are legal and are safely used as tools to explore the mind by people worldwide. Dreaming is studied to learn more about the subconscious mind. Meditation is commonplace in order to better calm and understand the mind. People in this world have a deep and understanding of human psychology that is far more advanced than what we have today. Veganism In this world the overwhelming majority of people are vegan. Because of this ecosystems have recovered. Forests are no longer cleared away for farmland. Ocean biodiversity has recovered as people no longer go fishing for food or sport. People no longer hunt for food or sport. The only people using animal products are hunter gatherer tribes. And even they have access to modern technologies at any time if they want to. Many diseases such as cancer heart disease and diabetes are extremely rare because people no longer eat animal products. Even if someone does get the mentioned diseases the level of medical knowledge and medical technologies is so high that they can be easily taken care of. Animals are no longer killed in the tens of billions because people no longer consume animal products. Additionally farm animals are no longer bred in the tens of billions because animal farming no longer exists. Many of the dog and cat breeds present today no longer exist because people no longer selectively breed animals for their own desires because many of the drawbacks of this are known. Animals are not used for entertainment. Breeding back programs have started in order to revive species that have gone extinct due to human activates. We no longer have zoos or aquariums, people do not have “pets” either, they have animal friends. Ecotourism has completely replaced zoos and aquariums in how people learn about biodiversity and ecology. Peaceful interactions between humans and many other species are commonplace. Education In this world every person has access to an education. School is free and entirely optional. All education is directly related to real world practicality. Knowledge is freely shared amongst all peoples as education is the best method of solving and preventing problems for the world. All people have access to an education that will teach them things that they want to learn and things that will help them in their lives. There are many more educational centers than in the 21st century and they are nothing like schools today. All subjects taught in school are what one chooses to learn. Schools are no longer places of conformity. Schools no longer force memorization and regurgitation. Education centers in this world actually teach important relevant and real world applicable information to everyone and anyone who is willing to learn. For example if someone wants to learn about physics they simply sign up and attend class, the same goes for all other subject areas. There is no standardized testing, or monotonous notetaking while sitting at a desk. All learning is interactive. Classes are conducted by active discussion and through experiencing the actual subject material in real world situations. One learns what they want in a way that will benefit their mental development instead of stunt it. This way of learning opens up many possibilities for people as far as what they can learn, the experiences they have and the people they meet because of it. There are research bases worldwide in all ecosystems of the earth. Even in areas such as underwater in space and underground. Areas such as geology, paleontology and astronomy are greatly explored. People in this world actively explore the bottom of the ocean, the interior of our planet and have discovered millions of species of extinct prehistoric organisms and have an accurate understanding of the history of our planet. This has been achieved largely through the usage of artificially intelligent robots. Health Awareness In this world the overwhelming majority of people have awareness of their health and listen to their bodies. Everyone eats the healthiest that they can and exercise on a regular basis. Medical technologies have advanced much more than today. More people play sports than ever before yet the societal focus on sports is smaller than today because people focus on things that are more important to global technological and cultural progress. Calisthenics parks are more commonplace. There is a huge amount of thought and responsibility taken into consideration when bringing a new human into the world. People do not have psychological problems because they are raised by parents who have not accumulated psychological traumas; babies are not born with birth defects or diseases because there is an extremely high level of responsibility, knowledge and health in this world. Technological Progress In this world the technological singularity has already occurred and we have supercomputers that are more intelligent than humans. Nearly all jobs that can be automated are automated. Thus humans are no longer required to work in most areas. Technology in every area has greatly advanced. Robots are commonplace and are helpers in society that make life easier for the vast majority of people. Several centrifugal Space stations are in orbit at various places around the earth. Humans have sent both robots and astronauts to all of the planets in the solar system. People can enjoy recreational trips to low earth orbit. Many of the planets and moons of the solar system have been visited and are at various levels of colonization. Bases and outposts on the surface and in orbit of planets have been created throughout the solar system. Post Scarcity Problems such as resource depletion, starvation and poverty have all been eliminated. Everyone has access to basic needs such as food, water and shelter. There are no homeless people. Money has become obsolete and no longer dictates people’s lives. People are not limited to the area where they were born due to monetary constraints. People are free to travel as they please. Because people do not live in a mindset of scarcity and are aware of their environment and the way that resources are used and allocated, it facilitates abundance for all people. Sexual Maturity In this world people are sexually mature. Nudity is not seen as obscene. Women are no longer associated with sex. Sex is used for procreation and fun and is never used for exploitation. Gender roles are no longer existent. In this world there are no rapes, body image problems or pornography. People are not disturbed by nudity or obsessed with any particular body parts. People are allowed to be freely nude wherever they please. The human body is seen for what it is, a biological machine. Because education is widespread there are no sexual insecurities or sexual immaturity. All of society is sexually open and mature. People are not socially labeled as gay, straight, bisexual, monogamous, polygamous, or polyamorous people. There is only love and different ways of expressing it. Sustainability The overwhelming majority of people in this world have environmental awareness and know how their actions affect the biosphere. All technologies used are sustainable. The world runs exclusively on renewable sources of energy to meet its needs. All goods are recycled and reused. Society exists in a symbiotic relationship with earth’s ecosystems. All vehicles run on renewable sources of energy such as electric or hydrogen. The vast majority of cars and other land vehicles are self-driving and electric. Cities and residential areas are powered by wind, solar, tidal, hydroelectric and geothermal energies. Trash does not exist. All unwanted materials are either recycled into other products or are composted and used in agriculture or other areas. There are no landfills. This is a zero waste civilization. Overpopulation is no longer an issue and the human population has dropped and stabilized to around two billion people. Animal populations are healthy and there are no endangered species caused by human actions. Resource based economy Money no longer exists in this world. People no longer have to go to work in order to make money. In this world people spend their lives doing things that they like because they want to do it. Because money is no longer a limiting factor, the moral compass of humanity has grown and many areas of society have grown exponentially in technological development and overall efficiency and effectiveness. Self Governance There are no centralized governments in this world people are intelligent enough to govern themselves. Additionally much of the calculations and logistics are done by computer power anyway. Society works as a unit to accomplish its goals. If an area of society needs to be improved all of society comes together to help to solve the issue. Each person contributes varying amounts to the solution of the situation. People do not have a mentality of separation from world affairs. If an earthquake occurs in one region of the world, people from all over the planet would gladly come and help the situation. It’s not perfect This is not a utopia in the traditional sense that every external circumstance is perfect all the time and everything always goes the way we want them to. People in this world are enlightened and thus perceive all of existence as perfect because they have no mental resistance to reality. However there is still pain in this world but there is no suffering. Suffering is mind created and the result of resistance to external circumstances while pain is simply intense signals crated by ones nervous system and sent to the brain. Natural Disasters still occur however advanced weather systems alert people well in advance of when they are coming and there are no obstacles to getting them to safety. Accidents still happen, bad weather still happens and crazy random events still happen. People still die every day however it is far less due to world peace, higher average intelligence and better overall average health of the population. This is simply my idealistic vision for a world in which humans live at their full potential and are always reaching upward.

I understand that sexuality is a deep subject and there is much that we have to learn about it. Because of this I feel that it would be beneficial for me to learn more on this subject in order to establish a good foundation of understanding of it. Books on the intricacies of sexuality, the psychology of fetishes, subtle nuances, masturbation, sexual intercourse, tantra, gender, sexual orientation, etc are what I look to better understand. Any recommendations or information regarding this topic would be greatly appreciated.

@S33K3R Thanks!

I have been experiencing some strange phenomena in my life recently regarding my nervous system and my meditation practice along with using entheogens for consciousness work. As my enlightenment work continues I have noticed recently that I am getting minor headaches after deep meditations or using an entheogen. (I do not use entheogens frequently. Once a month or less.) Additionally during a profoundly deep mushroom experience I went through what Martin Ball calls bilateral symmetrical fractal energetic yoga positions. Whenever I meditate now I also feel tingling in my spine that slowly spreads to the rest of my body if I meditate long enough. My dreams are also much more vivid than they have ever been. Needless to say these strange occurrences have left me very curious as to what is happening with my nervous system at this point on my journey. Any helpful feedback, information/insights or books regarding this on this would be greatly appreciated.

@Leo Gura Thank you Leo. I will look into books on Kundalini, Qi, chakras, energy work and other things of that nature.

@Truth Seekah Thank you. I needed that more than you know.

The following songs have really helped me on my journey and have at times moved me to tears. I even had a peak unitive experience whilst listening to the last song on this list. I hope that these songs can help you as well.

As much as I think about life, existence and the universe I can't help but think that after we sort ourselves out here on earth and establish technological and ecological mutualism between humanity and the biosphere that our ultimate destiny as a species is the exploration and colonization of other celestial bodies in our solar system and beyond. This got me thinking about where space exploration would be today if barriers such as money, politics and ideology were not factors in space exploration. Does anyone else here think about such things, if so i'd like to know what you think.

I read Robert Lanza's Biocentrism a few months ago and found it to be very interesting. I myself have had a few very profound unitive experiences and his book resonates with me on an intuitive level. I was wondering what do any of you think of the theory that he proposes and how it relates to non-duality.

I need help some help. During my second year of college I had almost no days off between my responsibilities at school and going to work. The only times that I have been able to get a day to rest are when someone can fill in for me at work. This has only occurred about once each month. On top of my very busy schedule I have been dealing with severe depression for roughly a year. Due to my depression and the amount of stress I have been subject to, I have no friends and I spend almost all of my time outside of school and work in my room. The stress between work and school is definitely taking a toll on my psychological health and because of it I now have to see a psychologist. To be honest I don’t truly want to be in college, however I enrolled and stay because of family pressure. I get good grades but I truly don’t think it’s worth it. I would rather be happy in life than have a high GPA. The classes I am taking are irrelevant to my major and I learn much more about the subjects I am passionate about when I take my own time to learn them. School only adds to my depression because I feel that it is a waste of my time. Each time I enter my classes I can feel my soul being crushed. Don’t get me wrong, education is extremely important, I learn as much as I can in my limited free time, however the schooling system is just so broken and I simply want to be free from it and live my life. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get out of this and improve my life?

I have read several books on spirituality and enlightenment and I have also been meditating seriously for the past three years and have had a few unitive experiences. And in my experience all of these labels are essentially pointing to the same thing. However I would like the perspectives of others on this topic in order to gain a more integral understanding of this as I have much to learn.

@harisankartj Indeed it was. This is what I want to architect my entire life around. I feel that knowing the unity of existence is the most powerful thing that a human can experience and instead of going the average route that most people travel on I want to take a radically different direction in my life in which I can spend more time cultivating and learning more about meditation, spirituality, enlightenment, psychedelics, integral theory, self-development, veganism, sustainability, ecology, futurism, health, post scarcity economics, self-governance and space exploration (both outer and inner).

@Siim Land I am currently in college for environmental science and I am actually very interested in the subject. However the current structure of college and the american education system in general is causing me so much stress and I feel like I am going against myself each time I am going to class. I also have other things that I am deeply interested in as well and it is difficult for me to find a way to peruse what I really care about and go to college at the same time. In all honesty I would rather do what I am passionate about than waste time and money doing something that I don't really have a strong interest for. I really want to spend my time learning more about things such as, meditation, spirituality, enlightenment, psychedelics, integral theory, self-development, veganism, sustainability, ecology, futurism, health, post scarcity economics, self-governance and space exploration. Yet I feel that our education system constrains individuals into one area and focuses on hyper-specialization instead of allowing individuals to grow and learn naturally according to their skills, strengths and interests.

@harisankartj Thanks. I have actually been meditating almost every day for the past three years. I actually started when I was 17! Check out this earlier post about a unitive experience that I had. You may find it interesting.

@Morrtiz I understand that you do not mean to come across as mean, however I would like to ask you a question. Have you ever heard of a post scarcity resource based economy? Additionally I understand the fact that for most of human history humans had to fight to survive and that humans today have more time to think than they ever have and I am grateful for it. However the state of this world can be massively improved in almost every aspect? Humans must move past scarcity driven motivations if we are ever to see anything resembling widespread self actualization. Here is a documentary detailing a post scarcity resource based economy and the thinking behind my statement, " In society people can’t just live their life as they want. They have to work to earn money." It's quite interesting.

@ajasatya Thanks for reading and replying to my post. Right now I am doing my best to work through this phase in my life in order to not contribute to the amount of overall suffering in the world.