Livingstone

It's a shame that I only come here when I'm high, but I get lost in living in the world that I forget about awakening. It feels like when I'm high, I'm taking inventory of everything I have done since the last time I was high in order to ensure I'm making sufficient progress (I'm starting a business aimed at helping those with social anxiety, gaming addiction, and life purpose). It's a nonprofit and I genuinely am not driven by money (although I need an income to survive in my city + when going through university). I just want to help people, but my social anxiety stops me at times. Here's an awakened thought I've had: why do I care what other people think of me? I'm the one living my life, going through anxious experiences, so I have the ability to discuss and coach people to a better level. I'm getting a formal education in philosophy and psychology, which has been unbelievably amazing. But at the same time, I can talk with people right now about their anxiety struggles, so why wait until I graduate? My socially anxious thoughts just tell me everyone in my life is secretly thinking I'm going crazy by trying to start a business when I come from such a sheltered upbringing, but I genuinely believe in my mission and just want to help. I guess where I'm going with is: I'm uncomfortable even sharing the thought above as I feel like you will all think I'm weird. This is my anxiety. It prevents me from authentically talking to people out of fear of judgement. Anyone else go through this?

Two years ago I could hardly say "good morning" to my coworkers, I was that socially anxious. Now, I'm giving speeches, performing improv, etc. That is my business: social anxiety coaching.

I see where you're coming from with this, and I agree it was a fear of mine in the past. But I'm far from not actualizing my goals. I go to toastmasters, improv comedy clubs, I'll be performing stand up soon, I go to one of the top universities in Canada, etc. I did all this to show people with social anxiety that they can overcome the prison that it is.

Also: people are so judgmental online, it's obnoxious. I've been sharing various ideas that I don't think are inherently "radical" such as decreasing car dependency in cities by improving public transit. It's not even my idea! I just align so heavily with it, and my experiences dictate it is true (I have lived in both an isolated suburb and the city -- walkability is clearly the better design. Yet so many people flamed me for that comment (this is on TikTok), saying I was ignorant to the world, etc. because they are farmers and need cars to survive. I wasn't even talking about rural folk! I was talking about cities and suburbs reducing their car dependency. The funny thing is I had to respond to like 20 comments saying the exact same thing because people don't even bother reading my previous comments where I'm explaining what I'm saying here. People just automatically attack you with the schema they hold in their mind about what kind of person you are. We are lacking so much nuance in this world it is ridiculous.

If reality is determined by one's experience within consciousness, and there are people who are in the position to control one's experience (e.g. a parent, caregiver, boss, friend, spouse, etc.), do they not have the ability to control that person's reality? Here's an example: I worked at an architecture firm for a couple of years. There was a guy who managed more projects than me, worked harder than me, knew more about the industry than me, worked there many years longer than me, and even slept in the office overnight to meet deadlines. I made more than him after one year. Now. My boss must KNOW what he's doing. He probably has the awareness that my colleague lacked self-worth, confidence, and awareness of the fact that he was being taken advantage of. And my boss kept this information hidden. Is he not controlling my colleagues reality to some extent? "It's just a job." Not to some. To some their job is their life. The people they see at work are ALL the people they really interact with. They don't know any better. So in a way, controlling that person's life at work is controlling their entire life. Their entire reality. Does this make sense?

I disagree here. I think it's possible to have high levels of awareness but use it for your own gain, by manipulating people. There must be people out there like this. I completely agree, which is why I intend to only give them the information. What they choose to do with it is their choice. I have no attachment to outcome at this time.

This is so fascinating. I still can't believe any of this is real - I thought I was crazy, because so many people do not think about these things. I want to help other people by raising their awareness. I already told many people at that company that I was making more than them (even though they have been working there longer, etc.), in hopes that they can see they are being taken advantage of. It is a disturbing thought to think that some people are stuck in a lower level of consciousness simply because they lack someone in their life who can tell them these things, and wake them up. Let's imagine my boss does know what he's doing, would that not be textbook narcissism or sociopathy? Think about it: there must be people who have our level of awareness, or higher, yet use this level of understanding the world for their own gain by taking advantage of other people's lack of awareness. That is so cruel.

But I only just gained this level of awareness. I could have been stuck in such a lower level of consciousness if I did not push myself to get out of that company and pursue a university education (I am currently studying psychology, where I am now realizing these things). I used to suffer from social anxiety. I previously never would have thought about questioning my boss. I was desperate for his approval, therefore I would work as hard as possible and not ask for raises as I was afraid of him. He must have known this, correct? He must have sensed how vulnerable I was, and in turn used that to his advantage instead of telling me and raising my awareness. Was he not, in some sense, controlling my reality? Without these realizations I could still be at that company, in that "slumbered" state, just working as a cog in his machine, none-the-wiser.