ricachica

@gettoefl Very beautiful wording. Nudging versus forcing is a delicate balance, just making sure I don't cross into the forcing side.

Love this analogy, thank you. I wonder if I should just focus on them (my possible work with previously homeless, current addicts) getting practical matters out of the way to be grounded in this reality first too, if Maslow's hierarchy of needs plays a role in their spirituality.

@Nivsch I like this a lot, it helps avoid even using the word 'spirituality' in case that's something they are not into. I definitely want to avoid forcing my view on them, and see how I can help bring it out of them through their own intuition like you said. Thank you.

Going to an international Day of Peace event ft. Jane Goodall today was very green of me. We also all sang happy birthday to her for her 90th birthday. So sweet. Loved getting to see her in person, she's one of my top idols for sure. Figured this would count

@PurpleTree Oh of course. I’m not planning on even mentioning the word psychedelic with clients unless they bring it up first, and even then it’s not my position to encourage it further. What I mean is— is it possible to have deep fundamental changes to your being, changes that are so drastic that it ends a years long addiction to heroin, without a personal spiritual experience? Personal spiritual experience being different from simply reading the bible or going to church— which is just intellectual and heady and not a direct experience with divinity.

@ExploringReality I was 20 when I first found Leo, and I am now 27 too haha. I took acid this past weekend, only half a tab as I was trip sitting friends, but I had inklings of this during the trip nonetheless. Nice post.

https://youtu.be/3fuS9PmV9hg?si=0_htxpSSzv4V3kWf He is great at talking.

Currently I volunteer for a trauma intervention program in my county where we are called by first-responders/hospitals to arrive on the scene of a death or extreme crisis. 95% of the time, its a death, and we give emotional first-aid and practical resources to the family members and other witnesses etc. It's a 24/7 service, 365 days a year, and we arrive to in-home deaths, deadly car accidents, mass shootings, hospital deaths, overdoses, suicides, etc., and essentially help with the emotional part of the process while police/hospital staff/coroners can attend to their more practical part of the job and can leave, so to speak. We help families call mortuaries and stay until the deceased is picked up, or aid in communicating between family and hospital staff. We give a resource book filled with information about funeral homes, group therapy, hotlines, etc., highlighted best to their specific situation. Point is, we are there for someone's worst day of their life after losing a family member, and we help them throughout the very first moments of it. Our job is essentially to be a vessel for them to lean themselves all the way into and hold space for them to grieve as they wish. It is delicate, it is intense, it is softness, you must show reverence the whole time, you must hold strength for them, you must be flexible, you must understand how no words in reality can actually describe what they are going through. It is a highly dignified role to do this type of work, and from what I have heard from friends, its something they would never consider doing and are shocked that I and others are doing it. I was first recommended this program about 2 years ago from a friend who also was in it, and at the time I had just quit an ABA job working with autistic children for 2 years. Besides all the unethical things I saw from coworkers and supervisors, I also made more doing Instacart and delivering groceries to people than working at the highest paying agency in the area. I did the math one day, and I grew increasingly bitter that my standard of living was so low, when nearly everyday I saw the immense benefit I gave to families, from helping teach a child their first word, to helping them stop hitting themselves, etc. It made me angry that I made more on a delivery app and would have to do it after 8 hours of work with the children just to make ends meet. It made me distraught when I delivered to a luxury apartment with someone working from home who majored in accounting and could afford their lifestyle, but because I choose the helping profession, I was still stuck with multiple roommates and nothing in my savings. Not that I want or need a luxury apartment, but you get my point. So when I was recommended the trauma program by my friend shortly after quitting due to my sentiments towards the undervaluation of the mental health field, I politely declined, but inside I was livid that such an important and vital program was being run under volunteer work...now I wouldn't be getting paid at all. Each volunteer has to do a minimum of three 12 hour shifts per month, with one being a 12 hour night shift, but it's still 36 hours I have to be completely ready for and cannot do anything else with while waiting for a dispatch call. Along with a mandatory 3 hour meeting every month. Essentially a whole full work week. I have since joined the program a few months ago, and we get many talks from police officers and other agency presenters in the meetings telling us how important our work is to them, that the police can remain being "hard" and "tough" on scene that they say they need to be while we do the "soft" and "delicate" work. They cannot hug a grieving wife that is sitting on the floor next to her deceased husband as she strokes his beard for the last time, but we can, and it means everything to them that we can. The "hard" and "tough" jobs get the good living wage with pensions and benefits, and the "soft" and "delicate" work gets nothing. I am tired of my softness and delicateness being taken for granted, I am tired of not being given equal treatment for it. I am tired of it being worth dirt and framed as doing it from "the bottom of my heart". Yes, I do truly care about the people I serve, but that does not mean I should get to live off food stamps. I have to become an MFT to make a livable wage in this field, when I would be happy to also do work like this and similarly for life, MFT shouldn't be the only option. I know even the ambulance and mortuary drivers do not get paid well....so many of us, and its because its the helping profession getting taken advantage of.

I started university in 2015 as a Psychology major. I also lived on campus my first year, mainly to get away from a toxic family life back at home. Getting away from home physically, I thought it would mean that all my problems were solved and I would be a healthy and functioning human. Wrong! I had suffered from very low self-esteem, social anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation since the age of 10, and that was not going to solve itself by merely moving out. Though I was dedicated to my education and was doing well initially academically, I soon got into a 1.5 year long domestic violence relationship within a couple months of starting school, which tanked my grades (not being fond of math and statistics did not help, which I repeatedly failed). I was on academic probation with a GPA of 1.9. Being able to safely get out of that relationship was another story, and of course simply getting out of it did not mean my mental health would become stable, if anything it made things worse afterwards. Shortly after, however, in 2017, my ex-abuser's friend took my side and has become my closest friend to this day. This friend soon introduced me to Leo's videos, I think the first one was the video on how to meditate. From then on, I watched many of Leo's videos and also talked about spirituality very often with my friend. Though it was all talk and watching videos at first, with little actual practical initial implementations, I slowly started becoming more accountable for my mental health and made a goal to get my first 4.0 in the spring of 2019, which I achieved. I needed this goal in order to raise my GPA high enough to get into an MFT graduate program, not simply as a perfectionist goal. This was definitely supported by Leo's videos, but I also was in my own individual therapy, had done group therapy internships, quit smoking weed, and had a more grounded view of myself. That semester however, I had an extreme suicidal ideation pop up when I accidently forgot and missed the date of an exam, meaning I would possibly lose out on my goal of a 4.0. Luckily my professor was understanding and let me retake it, though my ideation shook me and I was starting to get sick of relying on thoughts of suicide whenever I got myself in a bad spot. It was like instead of problem-solving and coming up with creative ideas to get myself out of a sticky situation, which is apart of all of our lives, my mind went straight to how I should commit suicide, lol, it was annoying at this point. I decided that if I wanted to continue with my goal of a 4.0 for future semesters, it could not be a life or death goal. So I took a break from school, initially for just one semester in order to really focus on revamping my mental health and get rid of suicidal ideations once and for all. I did not have many specific methods at the time, it was just pure desire to finally put an end to the wanting to end it all. Then COVID happened in 2020, and I decided to wait it out for a number of reasons before going back to school. I got a job for 2 years working with autistic children in the meantime in order to still be on track in my career goals. I also created a healthy balance of good friendships, reading various books on philosophy/spirituality/psychology etc, going on road trips, had a couple purposeful and grounding solo psychedelic trips (in the past the majority of all my trips were in friend group settings and were more about goofing around, nothing serious) and keeping my thoughts positive. Since 2019, I have since had no suicidal thoughts, and my habits are healthier than ever before. Though that does not mean I do not have a lot more to improve on. I still lack a consistent routine and am more sporadic in my self-care, though it is at least plentiful and I do things often pertaining to it and have coping skills. I returned to school in fall of 2024, and these past 2 semesters I have attained straight A's again with max class loads. This time, with a lot less anxiety towards it and less negative attachment to the end result. I have also decided to double major, taking on Human Services as well (I can write a whole post on how Human Services is immensely more beneficial than Psychology to the MFT field, but that's another story). The point is, I have done all of this drastic real world self-improvement, and when I graduate in spring of 2025, even with an additional year's worth of straight A's, my GPA will barely touch the minimum overall GPA required for graduate school. It's so funny how that works. My fate is in the hands of admission evaluators who will have to bother to even look into my course history in detail to see the improvement I made, and find it worth it. I still have high hopes, and even if I do not get in to a school for whatever reason, I am so immensely proud and loving of myself for it to ever derail me. I still have many years of work experience I can do to balance it out if need be, and I can always try again. I think of creative and active solutions now, vs diving down that dark hole. I guess my main goals for now is learning how to create a healthy and consistent routine, find and network with more psychedelic-assisted therapists (my actual dream career), and learning to speak up for myself more effectively since I used to be much more timid and conflict-avoidant. This post was more of a backstory as to why I am creating my journal to build upon what I have already worked on with myself, to share with others who have had troubles moving forward in life as well, to thank Leo in his part for my self-development journey :), and any tips on how to create a consistent daily routine if you are a spontaneous and sporadic individual who once lacked routine as well!

I know this is a bit unrelated, but this reminds of my social anxiety back in high school as a woman. Freshman year, I sat next to the "hot popular girl" in class and felt very proud to have gotten her to even accept my presence, as I was definitely not hot back then and definitely not popular. I tried to fit in desperately and wore clothes like them etc, even though I was still a social outcast and trying to connect with the popular girls felt futile. Come senior year, at the age of 17, I was in a math class with the same supposed hot popular girl. Or so I thought. One day she had a fit for no reason and got up to throw the calculator we were using roughly back into the box, like throwing it in in a loud and inappropriate way as it could break. The teacher scolded her and made her pick it up and put it back in nicely, as she loudly exclaimed she didn't care about education anyway, since she was going to be a cupcake store owner like her mom one day. The dude sitting next to me shook his head and said to me, "Ugh, what a waste of space". It was like a light bulb went off in my head right then! I completely made up her extreme importance in my head and felt the need to match up and compare myself to her for 4 years of high school, thinking she was the hot popular girl that people wanted to be like, when that never actually was the case! She was just a narcissistically mean hot girl that oozed fake importance without actually having any real inner substance to speak to it, and I bought into it! I felt so silly, and ever since I have been happy to just be who I am. and I guess I also think of myself as the hot girl now at 26, just in my own way

Yes, and many of the helper roles are filled by women, who also historically don't receive as much pay as well. It feels like a poor integration of respecting and realizing the importance of the feminine-featured roles in society. Softness is made fun of and seen as weak, when I think it can actually be just as strong as hardness. It definitely takes strength to be soft while attending to parents mourning a child's suicide in the next room...wouldn't ya think? The capitalism part also means a lot of MFTs are coming from a group of people who may have been well off to begin with, as graduate school and licensure is also expensive, meaning less diversity of related life experience for clients to choose from. The volunteer program I see the same problem, with 80% being retired financially stable white women who are comfortable with their free time...not that they aren't good people...but their lack of related life history/culture with the rest of the community has been inconspicuously evident in some cases. I mean I am definitely seeing some sort of change, for instance a scholarship opportunity was recently created for my field where you can be awarded up to $35k, which I have not seen anything like it before. Catch is, I must work with underserved youth/young adult populations for 1 year after graduation to accept the scholarship. Not that I am opposed to working with them, as I have before, but it obviously doesn't pay too well... and I would have to delay graduate school for a year. Still hoping I get accepted though! I want to get to a point that I am not worried about the money like this either, and can just focus on the people I serve and not worry about survival mode. I could start developing myself more in other personal/spiritual pursuits, which I feel would actually help my clients the more I develop, but I can't get there fast enough with all of these financial delays . Not losing sight though, as aggravating as it can be at times.

Passion is the desire to do something strongly, as if it were innate to your being, as if you were born to do it, it feels effortless how much your heart pulls towards it. I currently live in pursuit of my passions, but I have friends who do not, like a friend who majored in film as he had a passion for it and was actually good, but is now just working for a home security camera company. Passions are the base feelings you have towards something, but it's up to you to pursue and cultivate them into reality with action.

@LambdaDelta Yes, it sounds like her trip was definitely heavy solipsism based, without the Infinite/Love mixed in. I'm assuming the best way to experience solipsism is when infinite Love is also experienced along with it, and makes it smoother and less harsh to process? Can one experience Love without solipsism, or is that apart of it?

I have done a lot to develop healthy habits/hobbies/thoughts/self-care strategies, now it's time to create a framework that will incorporate these in a routine in order to properly grow into them. Main goals To get into graduate school for an MFT program Become a psychedelic-assisted therapist Lead a balanced and well-rounded life Develop my hobbies and refine interests Routes to reach goals, both directly and indirectly Create a routine Get a 4.0 for the remaining 2 semesters Current GPA is 3.13, end goal GPA is 3.25 Reach out to PAT circles and network Specific implementations for routine/reaching goals Wake/Night Schedules 7:30am start 12:00am latest bedtime Work Schedule Start at 9:30am at the latest End at 8:30pm on full days, end at 5pm on half days Physical Exercise: 30-min. yoga 30 pushups 30 squats 30 min. walk with dog minimum Diet: Stick to whole foods when possible, and try to finish eating by 6pm at the latest/ try to meal prep when possible Gain weight to reach 115 pounds, current weight is 110 Breakfast: Eggs, avocados, chicken sausages, salsa, yogurt, fruit, protein bar, MUD/WTR tea blend instead of coffee, etc Lunch: Baked sweet potatoes, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, variety of healthy snacks, etc Dinner: Grass-fed beef, chicken, salmon, red lentil pasta, wild rice, veggie rolls, dumplings, etc Mindfulness: Meditate 10mins a day Journal 10mins a day Hobbies/Interests: Draw 1x/week Read 1 book/week Annotate 1 book/week Hike 1x/per season Walk a park/small trail 1x/month with dog Research 1 country/week (Leo's Geography Challenge) 3hr max of video games/week (downloaded a GameBoy emulator recently on my iPhone, been reliving the old childhood games) Socializing Meet up max 1x/week with friends, but no less than 1x/month PAT Goals Listen to 1 psychedelic podcast/week and annotate it Create psychedelic info database in OneNote Meet with mentor 1x/week Finish ZENDO training and volunteer at least 1 event in the next 2 years 4.0 Goals Meet with new professors during office hours and head of department Keep OneNote Fall 2024 Semester updated consistently with notes and important dates Inquire about internship by end of June

I am on day two of switching coffee to only tea, and I have been using MUD/WTR as it has other things added into it like mushrooms to supposedly aid in focus. I was drinking an americano a day and still feeling weird, and right now I have felt no drastic withdrawal symptoms yet and still feel alert and focused as the blend has 35mg of caffeine. Maybe just enough to drastically lower my tolerance without experiencing withdrawal vs quitting cold turkey? Not sure. https://mudwtr.com/pages/rise?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=418740651&utm_content=1338106685010791&utm_term=mud wtr&nb_si={sourceid}&nbt=nb%3Amicrosoft%3Ao%3A418740651%3A1338106685010791%3A83631808522394&nb_mt=e&nb_bmt=be&nb_oii=83632344870404&nb_qs=mud%2Fwtr&nb_fii=&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=79160&nb_pi=&nb_pc=&nb_ci=&msclkid=0b7c72387b52118d9f9f14616a907584

I have done many trips, but none high enough to reach a realization like this yet. I have read about it a lot in trip reports and of course Leo talks about it, but I feel like I have to first be a grounded and well-intentioned individual before attempting to get there, otherwise I intuit that I will have similar dark feelings about it when I realize it. I have definitely gotten closer to that grounded mental state lately, though I also know I need more refinement. If many people experience solipsism on psychedelics, what's the difference in individuals who experience it as a "good" or "bad" thing? Or is it supposed to be an acceptance of both good and bad, or neither altogether?

Very interesting, I will be researching 5HT7 more now. What are your thoughts on which ones will pair best with each mental health disorder in psychedelic-assisted therapy?

@Danioover9000 So to be super clear, this means he cannot run for president?

Not sure, but I know weed is completely different to me now that I've done a good amount of psychedelic trips, and I am very mindful of it. I used to smoke it 24/7 for 2 years, but now I have to prepare for it as it's just too much. I get many thought insights on it that are similar to those I get on trips, though the insights are not as 'sticky' and long-term in action as with psychedelics, which is something many others have related to when I researched this.

@RendHeaven Thanks!! It was finding a working balance of being educational/professional while also acknowledging the "trippyness" of it all. Other students had to present on drugs like various sedatives or antipsychotics etc, so their slides were appropriately dry looking lol. Didn't want to be too drastically different from the others, especially if this may have been their first introduction to psychedelics. My professor was also very supportive of the presentation and added her own tidbits on the benefits of psychedelics in the coming future in therapy. Also, good to keep in mind that a DMT trip may only be 10-15 mins long. While a psilocybin or LSD trip is 6 to 12 hours long, respectively. This means that DMT's short trip may be an even better pairing when in therapy....though I will say it's obviously a much more intense trip which may outweigh the benefits of it's shortness if the client is more timid and wants something less intense even though it's for a greater length I would imagine. Can't wait to see what all the research indicates for each mental health disorder, like MDMA is looking to be better for PTSD than psilocybin for instance. Yes I have tried DMT once! LSD and psilocybin about 20x, MDMA 3x. My DMT (it may have actually been 5-meo-DMT, I don't remember) experience was about 7 years ago, and I have great respect for it and am now willing to try again soon, especially now that I'm older and more mature lol.

We were asked in the beginning of the semester to pick a drug category grouping, and obviously I picked psychedelics. The professor then assigned us a specific drug, and I was assigned DMT. This psychopharmacology class in general was a huge learning curve for me in general since my main focus is becoming an MFT/psychedelic-assisted therapist, not a researcher or psychiatrist, but I pushed myself because I know developing my knowledge on the psychopharmacology of psychedelics is still important! I was soooo happy and excited to talk to the class about DMT, the presentation went very well and it was the first time I did not sweat, shake, or break my voice when speaking in front of a class. Just wanted to share a small but important milestone for me:) DMT share.pdf

@Davino Thanks! My nose is to the ground all the time trying to find people who also interested, I thought there might be a bit more by now!

@aurum Thanks! It's the small things for now that feel great

@PenguinPablo That's what my friends thought too when I told them lol.

André 3000 dropped a new album today, after 17 years. It’s purely instrumental, and in his interview with NPR, he talks about why that is, along with talking about his song about his Ayuaschsa journey. Take a listen to the album and the 7min interview:) https://open.spotify.com/album/33Ek6daAL3oXyQIV1uoItD?si=1zORX26hQo-9L0Zvdt5v-A https://www.npr.org/2023/11/17/1213890406/andre-3000-on-his-new-album-the-first-in-17-years