Keryo Koffa

I am aware that I program my subconscious with my responses. What I seek is to become completely emotionally independent, like Sadhguru or what Leo strives towards. If I were an artist or scientist, I want the level of independence that the Stoics are known for. I want to be so emotionally independent, that there is no room for even spite to manifest, that whatever I choose to do doesn't allow subtle suggestions to manipulate my happiness and being. That I don't even use negative reactions as fuel. That all reactions are only seen as reactions. Because to act out of spite is still to construct a counter-identity. I want to be so free, that all sensations become pointers, that pain is no longer painful but an indicator I'm consciously creating and taking advantage of to navigate this body, so aware that all suffering becomes transparent. So transcendent that all negativity collapses and inflects into suggestion for shaping experience. Maybe this will take psychedelics, maybe I'll have to self-actualize to the level that I'm no longer limited to this reality. Whatever the case, my destination is to be completely free and emotionally secure. Maybe the desire itself is insecure and so I'll have to transcend that also. This is the place, if any community strives for the absolute then its this one and I want to take advantage of the resource that are the self-actualizing members here with their experiences and awareness to accelerate what I need to do and process to get there.

I've been binging Actualized.org videos by release date for the last two days, I've achieved a state of intense emotionless focus where I can instantly reprogram my subconscious as I simultaneously meditate and do yoga while listening at 4.5x speed. And I'm only realizing that all the effort and focus I'm putting into this, which is like 10 magnitudes beyond what I was before, is itself being recontextualized. Imagine learning to draw and repeating the same movement to draw a line a thousand times to get it right, I'm so focused I can get it right the first time and it doesn't matter because there's ten thousand other shapes I need to learn to draw and as I adjust to that I realize my limitations and release them to accelerate, but now I have to learn to interconnect all these ten thousand shapes among each other which feels like I need to learn those million patterns but then I accelerate my creativity to spot the meta-pattern to get it done in time and now each has an equal amount of emergent properties so ten thousand to the power of ten thousand, and then I discover this is just the normal level that everyone else is operating on, or it could be much higher, all the skills humans learn every day, all the dimensions of reality that we correlate together in our brains, the immense know-how we absorb every second. And then I look back at my psychedelic trips and it's like I'm sitting waiting for something to happen, to receive some love, or see some colors distort, or hope for something to happen and as much as all my past progress revitalized and elevated me, it's foolish. I need to be conscious every second of my life, I need to instantly memorize and interconnect every complex phenomenon I observe. I'm so wishy-washy, my posts are stupid conceptual distractions. I had no idea how much ego there is, I though: Okay, so I'm not human and reality is love and blah blah blah. But the experiential alienness is far beyond that, the quadrillion meta-patterns eluded me, it was like I was back at school unmotivated trying to grasp a concept, when I can fully understand it immediately now and a thousand more in seconds and just have to keep going. Imagine an unmotivated student taking a week to learn how to count versus one who is attuned and gets it immediately and realizes the thousands of upcoming mathematical branches to come. I've been very much a victim and it's insane to what degree. And I'm waking up and I'm waking up and I'm waking up and I'm so stupid. I will be paying attention to a thousand things every second from now on and on my next trips I will deeply introspect and observe how reality manifests itself in detail and relation to every other part.

@Jowblob "Shushhh, I only let you know it because you're so damn persistent, you can't leak it to the public yet, stop spoiling and messing up the timeline" is what they probably mean

Let's embrace paradox and oppose common beliefs. I am the body, my cells respond, I am them, I move them, I feel them, I breathe, I think, I beat my heart, I've previously erected barriers between my conscious and subconscious processes, between my personas, between my identifications, I am each part of myself, I'm tuning into and aligning myself with myself. My body is mine and makes me, my thoughts are mine and make me, I am the fabric of my body, I manufacture my thoughts, beliefs, sense organs, hallucinations and dreams, I am one and I am many, I am my emotions and I navigate them, I keep homeostasis and I expand, my ego grows and changes, dies and is reborn, my reality springs from within me. My awareness is my own, I am the force that holds myself together, I am the spine and the kundalini rising it, I am the touch and I am the sensation, I pump my blood and I signal my neurons, I am my body and my environment. The more I merge into myself, the more I discover, the more I become, the more I love, the more I am, I am my body and from my body the universe springs.

Turn positive and negative into an axis and then make a sword out of that

I am currently shifting between various lenses dynamically. One is to see the world perfectly, all past events through rose colored glasses, complete compassion for every person and every circumstance and a desire to relive and revitalize it. And the other lens is this weird awareness of non-self-awareness that permeates most our lives where shitty things happen and everything feels rough or like cardboard. And to shift between both simultaneously really gives you perspective. Imagine this: You're at a laundromat, everything is grey, you're bored, annoyed, waiting for time to pass, strong sense of everything being heavy and physical and annoying, you're doing chores, you're sweaty, you feel a sense of hopelessness with the routine repeating itself indefinitely going nowhere, you're an ordinary person living a meaningless life, constantly stressed and on edge, just getting by, repeating and taking care of basic necessities, everything is set in stone, rigid, bland, boring, plastic, you got back pain, you're fatigued, unfocused, bothered, everything is mechanic and the air is suffocating, hopeless, you avoid the stains and grease as you walk. Now imagine: You walk out, you see a flower growing out from between the pavement, the sun is setting and orange rays are permeating the atmosphere, the ground feels weirdly solid, flat, you feel its physicality in contrast to your own body, through the dynamic you feel bouncy, people walk by, you notice how the wind sways their clothes, time slows down as you pay attention, they walk past looking at their phones going about their lives, you walk, the walls of the buildings next to you have an interesting texture, the way they reflect light, you notice the graffiti, you visualize the teenagers who created it, you wonder how far in the past it has been, you keep walking, you hear the sounds of crickets, see cars drive by with music passing you, the sunset at the edge of the skyline looks so beautiful, you start smiling, the way you walk changes, you feel relaxed, attuned, you pay so much more attention, you see how the wind sways everyone's hair, you feel the breeze of fresh air, you feel in love, everything feels perfect, you want to express it somehow but don't know in what way, it seems everyone is already happy, maybe you were the only one that wasn't. Was life always like this? Why didn't I see it before? So, now this polarity is an intense one, the difference comes through focus, engagement, energy. It seems that to engage with and to wonder about any one thing in relation to any other with a sense of playfulness, one can bring oneself into a state of happiness. But I've only really awakened to it being a thing in itself now. If you can consistently access and make reality feel magical, then that's an absolutely amazing state to be in. This also perfectly describes the magic of psychedelics, though reality comes in many more forms and shapes.

Well, we're here and God is supposedly the highest source responsible for everything, so...

How do you get to the end of this? How do you reach infinity when all you do is expand your form within infinity to perceive infinity? AI can accelerate exponentially and then double exponentially but it doesn't end. Only way to access all is through 0.

@An young being Infinity infinitizes infinitely, there's always more and you will never get to the end of it. You can subdivide and expand reality forever but no matter how far you get, there's more. The process has no end. You assign significance through yourself, in a way you can choose since you are the arbiter of meaning.

Transcending everything to the point of absolute unity and becoming a singularity of consciousness in which everything exists and expresses itself where no self is to be found and so everything is absolutely immutably perfect always since there is no one to judge, react or desire? Brahman, Shiva, God? Where there is absolutely no purpose and so that inflects itself into anything and everything having absolute infinite purpose independent of its circumstance and form in infinite absolute zero metaness?

Tell that to the Subconscious that continuously saves and processes information outside of conscious experience, like Leo once said in his "Elephant Rider" metaphor. There's a dimension that explains how it consistently and easily correlates and brings information in and out of conscious experience. Maybe one can be fully conscious of it, but I am not yet aware, else I'd access it to go astral travel and be a super genius. That makes sense, it all points to a singularity. But its a shapeshifter so we use various terminology to describe its various states. the prodigal son I genuinely believe this to be the most powerful question that drives all of existence

@ryandesreu In one way children lack experience, in another they are wiser in the way that they lack "childish" or immature limitations that adults acquire through the subjugation of their intuitive emotional intelligence. The left/right are mature and immature in their own way, its the integration of experience and open-mindedness that matters, judgement and lack of empathy and mutual understanding leads astray either way. Knowledge, etiquettes and capability do not by themselves compensate for a lack of EQ even if they are socially necessary

@Ishanga Well said, any feeling is a pointer to a deeper understanding which entangles and communicates through physical forms.

@Carl-Richard I suppose so, the insight I had is that everything is accessible, intelligible, dynamic and moldable like clay, that which forms that which we feel and define as physical, it is a projection, a self created limitation and yet its not limiting but freeing, you can't do something with nothing, but if you add limitation in the form of physically malleable forms like clay, then that's expansive not limiting and yet that's what we describe as physical, What I see physicality point to is a tangible experience, when I expand its scope of understanding, everything is tangible, experienceable, physical but in different ways, this becomes capital P Physical.

If nothing is physical, then everything is. Thoughts are physical, they access a dimension of reality manipulation through some sort of pattern recognition coherence and in the process of imagining, we are temporarily accessing or creating or really becoming a malleable physical dimension. In fact, everything by virtue of being perceivable and referenceable and observable is physical. Physicality really is a feeling, like the sense of touch, a type of interactivity, of repulsion between energies, of change, water flows, forms solidify or loosen up. The wall is flowing energy, physicality is an experience, a sensation, a form of energy made of the same substrate as the rest of existence, everything is one. Everything is physical, everything is tangible, experiencing itself is a feeling, form, pattern shifting, beingness, isness itself can be felt, existed, passed through, evolving itself. Everything is physical, accessible, traversable, malleable.

For me it is to live and feel alive, to experience and understand, to explore and be creative, to make choices and create meaning. Yet all purpose is self-created or self-discovered or self-invented, in a way the greatest purpose is purpose itself and yet the play within purposelessness also. In another way any question answers itself, the purpose of purpose is purpose, it is that sense, that which is pointed to, in whatever way it can be accessed, the experience of it and its creative expression which is all purpose is. I have some quotes too though: "Earthly existence is a training period; and yet as far as possible I would like you to forget your ordinary ideas of progression. Ideas of good, better, best can lead you astray, for example. You are learning to be, as completely as possible. In one way you are learning to create yourselves. In so doing during the reincarnational cycle, you are focusing your main abilities in physical life, developing human qualities and characteristics, opening new dimensions of activity. This does not mean that good does not exist, or that in your terms you do not "progress," but your concepts of good and progression are extremely distorted." "We enjoy a sense of play that is highly spontaneous, and yet I suppose you would call it responsible play. Certainly it is creative play. We play, for example, with the mobility of our consciousness, seeing how "far" one can send it. We are constantly surprised at the products of our own consciousness, of the dimensions of reality through which we can hopscotch. It might seem that we use our consciousness idly in such play, and yet again, the pathways we make continue to exist and can be used by others. We leave messages to any who come by, mental signposts. We can be highly motivated therefore, and yet use and understand the creative use of play, both as a method of attaining our goals and purposes and as a surprising and creative endeavor in itself."

I find myself journeying to rise up to indigo and consistently oscillating between it and turquoise, though I have many many shadows in the previous stages I'm still integrating. I've experienced peaks all the way up but they were very fleeting and disorienting and I did not sustain them for long and really deeply integrate them. What do you resonate with?

@Javfly33 A thought came to me "there is nothing you are not"

Got it! There's space for everything. I'm not saying differences don't form valid expressions in identity. I am biased towards deconstruction over exploration. But I've seen women suppress their masculine and men their feminine characteristics before, quite artificially and to their detriment. There is much variety in expression and what you're drawn towards usually is based on aspects you lack within yourself. I saw Yang's video you posted, it's quite beautiful to see and embrace sexuality without lenses. Sorry for the rambling, it was out of context, everything has its place.

Actions speak louder than words, we take adults for granted just like science experts, but if you're emotionally attuned you can pinpoint the source of behavior and see more clearly rather than assuming by labels and constructs how people are

@enchanted I'm 23 and have lived my life shifting through various emotions of great intensity. As a child I have been sentimental and attuned to life and pets and people, I grew up when the internet, technology and video games grew in popularity, yet I lived in rural areas, I got to experience a 50/50 split of both worlds. I've carried a great sense of loneliness being an only child and being on my own, though I've also experienced times of immense joy and friendship. I have always contemplated everything deeply and this also led to great amounts of anxiety and overthinking. I spent my late teenage years in nature and past that worked two years in excruciatingly monotonous jobs. I started my psychedelic journey in September last year and transcended so much, I've become a whole nother person since, though its really the progress of acceleration. I've been drawing for many years now and am learning how to code, currently I am experimenting with making animation and video games. What accelerated my journey is Leo, Sadhguru and Seth, though I'm always soaking in whatever content I can find at 4.5x watch speed and it's not fast enough with thousands if not millions of unique lessons and experiences that took lifetimes of other people to learn. I'm integrating as much as I can with the multiple dimensions of yoga, books written by channeled entities, life advice from all stages, exploration of life through art like movies, series, books, deliberately looking for the tones I'm drawn to and delving ever deeper into shadow work and epistemology to bring out all within myself that distorts my perception. As Leo said, this is massive work and I've made so many posts and been journaling for so long, that it would probably amount to countless books, but I've got no time for that, every new perspective recontextualizes the whole, AI is not creating frameworks fast enough, I've learned to trust my brain to keep track of everything as I learn new frameworks to organize it, I've been practicing visualization and I've been practicing yoga and yet every time I meditate or go for a psychedelic/dissociative trip everything gets recontextualize to the point that I wonder if I've been fooling around and wasting my time, but I then remind myself of what I've been doing every minute every hour and realize I'm always progressing and standing on the shoulders of giants and my own. Where am I going? I seek to integrate all information of the world into a coherent framework in myself and organize it in a way that simplifies it elegantly, I seek to create art and create stories and AI will certainly help in that. I want to keep myself open and maybe explore the world. I am letting go continuously, doing shadow work and inquiring towards self-actualization. And I'm working to balance all that. Honestly, I wouldn't be here without psychedelics, they opened pandora's box of consciousness and without I might have led a pretty anxious and monotonous life that I fell into. It's like I modified reality through my higher self go give myself that possibility to break patterns and transform myself, though it's been a pretty difficult journey with much suffering at times.

There's no such thing as "woman's psychology", there is a division of roles which creates and reinforces polar attitudes and traits that evolve culturally through spiral dynamic like stages however. You are the whole self who took on a particular perspective and disbanding it puts you in touch with the opposite outwards projected polarity from which you've been alienated. There is no ground to this, it is an expression of circumstances that evolve and morph through the world, though different shows will show you the current state of balance, but don't believe there's anything innate to that for you to create a system about to reinforce ever greater division. See it instead as a reflection of modern circumstances and how they construct social identity and express themselves in different forms and identities, assumptions and axioms, models and systems, attitudes and desires, interdependence and specialization, complimentary cohesion and simultaneously self-alienation. There is biological differentiation, but its a nudge/shift in balance rather than a block of energies.

I keep wondering, I'd like to just have a void for myself to rest for a long time, like being submerged in water but able to breath in it, with no one to disrupt the peace and no physical limitations, a place to just be still and unwind, with time maybe create but even then I'd live to take my time. Then again, you say there is no 'here', no 'place' to begin with, maybe I can find or manifest such places and circumstances in this reality but whatever the case, I'll be taking a long break for incarnation if not leave it entirely after this life. If there are to be others, I'd want to become them instead and solve whatever problems arise internally.

Usually stuff happens for a reason but other times we get entangled in our ego karma and frustration makes us aware of that, its basically getting side tracked, though the deeper you go the more you see how your main track was itself a sidetrack of another sidetrack of anther sidetrack and at some point we have to deal with all that and wonder what the point actually is