Keryo Koffa

@Evelyna Thank you. Indeed, it seems that what I am to do is expand my understanding and awareness of all emotions, what they point to and their interconnection. Until now, I could easily get trapped in the sensation itself or act on it rather clumsily. I am reinterpreting it as a system to make me aware of potential danger, balance in behavior, contradictory beliefs and an exploratory means. I just have to be more attentive to what they point to and how they work. I've picked up quite a bit by watching Leo's early videos, so much counter-intuitiveness or opposite of how I previously perceived.

I've been doing a lot of shadow work and my circumstances and abilities improved, the reality I live in has various experiences and many learning opportunities, I've learned to be more attuned and less resistant to them. At the same time I envy the context of which Seth speaks, a reality where any act is immediately materialized, experienced and traversed, the system of probabilities with a focus on exploration and intent. I find myself having many desires that do not fit in the context of my current reality, its focus is very physical and societal in nature, but this also predisposes rather linear and grounded evolution and slows down the range of possible experience and the rate of its materialization. I find myself having many desires that go beyond what I can experience in it, exploring alien realms and new vivid environments, creatively and intuitively constructing a visual space around me unbound by the laws of three dimensional existence, transforming my body into various gestalts and experiencing new senses, being free of responsibilities, routines and physiological needs, splitting my consciousness into various interactive forms and personalities simultaneously, expanding the scope of qualia, shape environments fast through precise intent, materialize various contexts, scenarios and events, exploring emotions experientially reflected in form, gaining ever deeper insights into the structure and functioning of various realities, raising my awareness holistically rather than through intellectual externalized experiments and access a deeper level of intelligence that understands to great depth various lifeforms and the nature of self. And I desire all that more than anything else, although my current reality is a peaceful and malleable one and I can live my life happily inside its current context and grow through experience, knowledge, hardship, communication and it has its own rewards in the nature of its exploration of human evolution and the polarity of separation/unity and strive for harmony, despite ever growing obstacles. But ultimately, although I can attune myself to it, it is not what my heart desires the most and I grow ever more dissatisfied that I cannot more freely and experientially access the raw nature of consciousness itself through the act of creation and self-exploration. Up until now, I felt shame that I was not altruistic enough, the lacking sense of self and individuality in the current context as a result of having immaterial desires, pushed me once to seek only to help others and to experience happiness only through relationships and social dynamics alone, yet that made me dependent and miserable, and I could not relate much of the time, the closeness that I seek I did not experience, it always appeared that everyone was too focused on physical activities and did not feel the same depth of a sense of lack as I did. But I realize I was suppressing my own desires, since they could rarely find an outlet and any identifications and projections were insufficient, physical reality locked me into its own context, and to lead the life available would result in duty and obligation, not genuine desire, I tried to join many social contexts, but could not relate to the experiences of people within them, for most of my life I was rather clumsy when it came to practical matters, recently I worked on that and let go of many neuroses, becoming more attuned and practical, but that only created a new identity, one that adapts but still feels unfulfilled. I've started exploring spirituality and it benefited my wellbeing immensely but it seems gratitude can only distract from unfulfilled yearnings. Seth says part of me strongly desired three dimensional life, that there are individual and collective dramas continuously worked on, I've gathered many experiences and desires, fascinations and perspectives over my childhood and teenage years. The context is always changing, a grander understanding forming, emotions integrate. I honestly desire to leave, I've been drawn to various life circumstances, yogic teachings, buddhist philosophy and madasamadhi, simultaneously I place great value on life, my body and cells, unfinished studies and feel more free than ever to explore the world and witness the upcoming technological singularity. I've transmuted morality, arguments of duty and obligation bind me no longer. Needs, discipline, worthiness, external projections of what I do and do not deserve no longer concern me. I find ever greater appreciation and empathy for others and I am alienated from them all the same, realizing the vanity, monotony and excesses of current life, compensating for the lack of spiritual and existential vitality and vigor. Spirituality itself often partakes in the charade, when it becomes an identity. Art itself has been my purpose but it's so limiting to express it, I would much rather become it. I genuinely seek a more expansive state of consciousness, a creative becoming, an eternal journey of self-exploration, unbound to any context and rules, reliance on others. Altruism can be an authentic desire, it can also be the greatest trap to reinforce existence and suffer dishonest repression in the process. While I am alive, I will live my life fully, but I am not drawn to remain here. Looking back at all my past psychedelic trips, though I didn't notice it then, each experience pointed me to it. In my first, I gave myself an absolute, to accept myself fully or end it right there, the second made me aware of the sensation of being alive, the third made me dance and put me through grief, the forth made me battle to let go of the past, the fifth explored the nature of society, sixth of technology, seventh of animism. In the eighth I was afraid of dissolving into god, the ninth afraid to meet aliens, tenth I was battling fear itself, then surrender, existence, dissolution, transience. I have mistakenly tried to change my desires, the true ones always remain. Self-suppression, excuses, external distractions. Self-creation, interconnection, being complete by myself. Kundalini, prayer, health, honesty. I had the need to understand all of reality, another distraction from facing the end, I've accelerated my cognition to skim through the knowledge, the act itself becoming monotonous. I'm still here, my body alive, future loosely planned, I let go of relationships, I didn't have many to begin with. I want to be free but I will not hurt my body, it is made of pure love. On many trips I kept saying desperately "I want to go home", a place beyond this time and space On one hand, I seek psychedelics now more than ever, on the other Seth's take on them is an estranged one and the integration of my whole being might be better achieved naturally, than chemically, yet I can't deny the directness of psychedelics and my own impatience in expanding the horizons of my own experience, Seth's excerpts do lead me to contemplate and reconsider however: "When large doses of chemicals are used, the conscious mind is confronted full blast with very potent experiences that it was not meant to handle, and by which it is purposely made to feel powerless. Faced with the exterior nightmares of wars and natural disasters, the conscious mind is still directed outward into that world with which it knows it was formed to cope. In periods of great physical stress it draws upon the powers of the body and inner self to perform remarkable feats of heroism, that leave it wondering afterward at the power and energy of the self in crisis. Its own stability and awareness can be vastly deepened and strengthened. In times of seemingly calamitous encounters with nature, individuals may find themselves amazed at their capacity to relate with other people. But in the artificially induced psychic disaster area of massive LSD therapy, the situation is reversed. Consciousness finds itself in a crisis situation; not because of one coming from the exterior world, but because it is forced to fight on a battleground for which it was never designed and cannot understand, where basically counted-upon allies of association, memory and organization, and all the powers of the inner self, are suddenly turned into enemies. It is made vulnerable to all those forces it was meant to lead, while being stripped of its natural logical abilities indeed, of its very sense of identity. There is nothing exterior against which it can work, and no framework in which it can get balance. Ruburt has been working on a book of poems called The Dialogues , and in it recently he wrote of the double worlds. One night he stood at the kitchen window, and quite without drugs saw a rainy puddle below suddenly turn into an alive, beautifully fluid creature who stood up and walked while the rain slid off its liquid sides. He was filled with joy as he observed this reality. He knew that in the physical world the puddle was flat, but that he was perceiving another just as solid reality; a larger one, in fact, in which that rain creature had its being. For a moment he saw double worlds with his physical vision. While the experience was exhilarating, it could have turned into a "nightmare" had his conscious mind not clearly understood; had he walked outside, for example, and found himself encountering living creatures rising out of each rainy puddle; and if for the life of him he could not have turned the creatures back. As it was, it was a beneficial experience. But when the conscious mind is forced to face far less pleasant encounters, and is robbed of its power to reason at the same time, then you do indeed insult the basis of its being. The meaning of the light will normally become unfolded as he is ready to fully perceive it. While the event has happened, therefore, like any event it is not completed. In the drug experience mentioned before, startling, enforced symbols and occurrences are suddenly thrust upon the conscious mind; and more, within a context in which time as it knows it has little meaning. The conscious mind cannot reflect upon phenomena subjectively. They happen too quickly. Within their happening there may be a distorted, grotesque duration in which action may be seemingly impossible. No separation between self and experience may be allowed. Even an exalted experience can be an assault upon consciousness if it is forced. The price paid is much too high as far as the entire personality is concerned. The feelings that are often realized in later sessions, say of rebirth, are indeed that. The old organizations of the self have fallen, and the new structures do indeed rejoice in their oneness and vitality. A strong suicidal base frequently exists here. The knowledge is present that the "old self did not make it so what assurance does the so called new self have? Again, the body is a living sculpture. You are in it and you form it, and it is to all intents and purposes you while you are physical. You must identify your material being with it. Otherwise you will feel alienated from your biological identity. This identity is your physical self through which now, in your terms, all expression must come. You are more than your temporal being alone. Your life as a creature is dependent upon your alliance with flesh. You will exist when your body is dead, but practically speaking, you will always be working through an image of yourself. If you identify with your body alone, then you may feel that life after death is impossible. If you consider yourself a mental being only, however, you will not feel alive in the flesh, but separated from it. Think of yourself as a physical creature now. Know that later you will still operate through another form, but that the body and the material world are your present modes of expression. These attitudes are highly important. In a strong drug experience you take physical demonstration out of its natural framework, presenting it in such a way that its usual reactions make no sense. A world may be tumbling down upon you, for example, yet there is no adequate physical defense or retaliation possible. The psychiatrist may say, "Go along entirely with the experience. If necessary become annihilated." This flies directly in the face of your biological heritage, and the common sense of the conscious mind. I am quite aware of the distorted religious connections made here: Die to yourself and you will be reborn; you will not kill yourself. What you think of as the self dies and is reborn constantly, as the cells of your body do. Biologically and spiritually, new life relies upon these innumerable changes and transformations, deaths and births that occur naturally both in the seasons of the earth and those of the psyche. Change flexibly with the gracious dance of all being that is reflected in the universe of the body and mind. This does not include the crucifixion of the ego. It is always because you do not trust the natural self that you resort to such drug therapy. The individuals who seek out treatment fear the nature of their own identity more than anything else. They are then only too willing to sacrifice it. Your thoughts and beliefs form your reality. There is, as Joseph said in our break, no magic therapy, only an understanding of your own great creativity, and the knowledge that you yourself make your world. In physical life the soul is clothed in chemicals, and you will use the ingredients you take into your body to form an image that is in line with your beliefs. Some of these ideas will undoubtedly be accepted by you from your culture. Others will be your own private interpretation of yourself in flesh. Your beliefs about any chemical will affect what it does to you. Under LSD therapy you expect a drastic reaction and are told to prepare yourself. Your experience will follow your beliefs and your therapist's, communicated verbally and telepathically." And yet, I would not be where I am and would have continued to suffer greatly, were it not for psychedelics, yet any expert on them eventually seems to discontinue their use.

@Javfly33 It kind of shocked me, but yes, my contemplation led me to see ignorance not as a lack of knowledge, but its obstruction, like a mist surrounding one's awareness.

Traversing this forum in questions whose answers are available in Leo's videos Not contemplating questions deeply enough myself and spending enough time doing that Shooting up posts priding myself in insight instead of concising and tailoring them to collective discourse Not realizing the vanity of pride and attributing creativity to ego and caring about the role of being a creative Engaging in way too much speculation instead of raising one's consciousness to know directly

@BlueOak I can see that, I've been expanding my paradigm by reading lots of Seth Material. There, reality is a psychic one, self-created and our existence as biological creatures is itself a cosmic evolution into an interconnected reality of individuated and mass conscious with what we call our ego being an externally oriented aspect of a deeper entity wholly aware of manifesting the entirety of this experience in all its detail and responsible for shifting us between various states of consciousness, know the mechanics of how it is so intricately created and manifested in our illusion and focus into physical experience through the manifestation of deeper beliefs and motives in the image of physical and psychic reality, mirrored in the environment and all objects, a field of attraction navigating all possible realities. If that's what you're talking about and I didn't go 180 to what you meant.

Surely, a decade of Leo's extreme progress in understanding would blow our minds. But then again, I've watched half the videos of actualized.org in the last few days chronologically, and there are many specifically focused on the aspects you named, relationships, love, business, politics. After a while, your mind starts correlating them seamlessly, when you integrate all the lessons and interconnect their topics. Still a good topic though.

@Breakingthewall AMAZING! We agree, my problem was that when you were previously speaking about dissolving or emptying the mind, I thought that included experiential reality, I guess my concepts were a little too expansive, since I see now that you meant the mental domain, though it is vast with its interpretive overlay and reinterpretation through focus which creates and modifies how we physically see objects and distinguish them from each other, since that part of cognition helps us navigate the world through even visual and sensory means itself. But of course it has a source that is getting modified by it and that's what we want to access, the experiential reality sans mental distortion. This clears up so much resistance and confusion within me, you cannot believe, am I glad it finally clicked in me. I though, the goal was to dissolve experiential reality itself and I wondered how to warp the physical world itself into blankness. Though actually, maybe that's the next stage, hehe

@Breakingthewall I actually think I get that part. What I'm wondering about is if the actual experiential physical reality I'm pointing to itself is not equally an activity projected outwards and created through deeper mechanisms that are imbued in the body's physical structure which manifest through consciousness itself and are in a feedback-loop with the logical mind and whether one can understand and manipulate the form of this reality like a psychic by becoming experientially, not merely logically aware of its manifestation and deeper immaterial intelligence and then to explore that realm beyond the logical in the experiential to the same extent we are currently navigating the intellectual.

Be conscious of the neurotic emphasis on need and ego defense mechanisms including distraction, self-judgement and even pride over progress. Find a balance and do not suppress your feelings, you don't need to express them either, feel them. Face the source, transcend and forgive. Notice the evolution and traps of past stages. Purple superstition, Red domination, Blue subjugation, Orange materialism, Green contrarianism. The endless pursuit of new technologies, academic studies, ideal relationships, hedonistic lifestyles, social dynamics, philosophical utopias, existential angsts, artistic statements, societal endeavors, individual entitlements, religious zealotness, sadism, masochism, pleasure, pain, conditional love, truth seeking, aesthetics, reward and punishment, judginess, strategy, hierarchies of needs, models, comfort, preference, bias, spiritual ego, superiorness, avoidance of suffering, separation, falsehood, lies. Contextualize psychedelic experiences: Spirits, cues, synchronicities, gods, mystical experiences. The unraveling of the ego through a visual representation of one's subconscious and expansion in awareness. The recognition of one's self-delusion, waking up to the experiential truth of one's motivations, neurotic actions, external projections, deluded exceptions, karma creations, foolish unconscious behavior, suppressed emotions, mental illness, physical illness, bad posture, muscles cramps, headaches, negative emotions, discomfort, lack of love, hiding the truth, suffocating addictions, distorted perception, "irrational" fears. Symmetry, yoga, non-duality, unity, merging, expansion, inclusion, prayer, meditation, love, truth, infinity. Dissolution of limitation, the ego's release of its distorted idea of self-control. The raw naked sensation of the vastness of existence in its unconditional manifestation. Freedom, samadhi, god. Stories, likes, motivations, ego defense mechanisms. Is this one? Maybe. When reality starts unraveling and you realize the magnitude of your own creation, how will you react? When you realize the source of personality and the self-protected creation of others, how will you react? When psychedelics transform your environment into living breathing entities, how will you react? When the barrier between real and hallucination breaks down, how will you reconcile that? When you're trapped in a time loop with amnesia, unaware its your own doing to process a lesson, face those fears and let go of all ideas of self, other, past and future, forgetting all context, how will you manage that? When you fall asleep and wake up hung over, in anhedonia, pain and shame, how will you manage that? When all energy leaves your body and you collapse, feeling guilt for being alive, how will you bear it? When every surface turns into a mirror and you turn transparent, facing an eternal void, how will you face it? When the rate of change increases exponentially and not only your perception starts distorting, but your own sense of self, of the perceiver being aware and interpreting it matches morphs away at the same pace, losing self-awareness and memory of context, then what? When time starts lagging, deja vu increasing, and the usual ear tingling distorts to sound like a jagged roaring chainsaw and then that reflects in how you feel and see reality vibrating covered in white noise, how will you handle that? When you look at a pine tree and remember the sensation you felt as a child, when it felt deeply mysterious and alien, uncertain and uneasy, dangerous and alluring, how will you integrate it? When you remember the first time you became self-aware or saw your own reflection, how will integrate it? When you go back in time to when you were a toddler in the midst of experiencing perception warp into objects and distinctions capable of being focused on for the first time, how will you integrate it? When your environment and all its surfaces turn a sea of liquid mercury waving in ripples, what will you do? When you remember your child self, how unhinged and free you were, how mysterious reality felt, how long the days were and how much detail there was, how in tune and aligned your feelings were with your body, how will that experience feel? When you tune into the eternal now, all that is, center of ripples, when everything around collapses and particle waves turn into an ocean of probabilities, and all lights dim out, then what? Don't you want to let go, surrender? Is it going too fast? Do you want to reconcile your drama before you release it? Is it uncomfortable to see through each question and motivation you come up with? Do you need excuses not to dissolve? Do you want to turn back, resist? Are you clinging onto your humanity, your creaturehood, your existence, difference, uniqueness, separateness, individuality, perception, limitation, sensation, story? Are you missing your life purpose, that distraction that makes you feel amazing about yourself? Would you prefer to meet some aliens, go scuba-diving, talk to the trees, create shadow clones, astro project, reimagine your reality, jump through a portal, visit machine elves, go to the garden of eden, become a cat, jump off a plane where there's no ground, meet a philosopher, traverse history, see the future, beam up onto the enterprise, use the force, dodge bullets, meet dead relatives or skip forward to technological singularity? Are you aware you can do all that and more and not god but your own ego is the only thing preventing you from doing so? Do you feel resentment towards it now? Oh wait, that's more ego. All you can do is forgive. Are you dissatisfied? Are you aware any of these desires itself is ego? Are you aware that beauty is ego? Are you aware god doesn't care about continuity, only you do? Are you aware that there's a part of you beyond all that funny business, one who takes care of reality on such a deep level it couldn't care less about those little things and that you are unaware of that part of you that keeps you grounded, the part so well hidden in your unconscious, that maintains your existence and prevents actual hell from manifesting, that lets you delude yourself into massive suffering but prevents it from being absolute? The part that upkeeps your sense of self, shapes your every experience, feeds you desires and experiences through your "unconscious"? The part you can thank for not becoming part of "I have no mouth and I must scream", from not having "The Thing" enter your reality. The part that designed each atom, molecule, cell, body, lifeform, psychological structure, psychic entity, in whose mind you're living rent free? The part beyond all absolutes responsible for all of them. The one shuffling you between different states of consciousness from relative to absolute, without you knowing how you do it as you merely navigate by intent unaware of what makes the navigation and experience itself so consistent and possible to begin with? The part that is not merely conscious of all of existence, but its most intricate mechanics in full scope of infinite density, that has every possible problem and solution worked out to begin with. The part that is so intelligent that there's no room for "it" to be intelligent, that contains unconditional love equally within itself having not even it be a trait its biased towards over non-existence and non-love and non-intelligence. Where Love, Intelligence, Truth, Existence simultaneously become all inclusive with their non-existent counterparts. Did you experience that, are you even aware of it or merely aware of it? More stories, more pointers, more questions, more wonders, makes you question to what degree you want to know over just being content living, but I'm you're not content suffering. But wouldn't you trap yourself in a bubble if you weren't suffering? Would it limit you if you were able to construct your reality and spent all time exploring your specific fantasies? To what degree are you addicted to suffering? If you were absolutely content in the present, would you go exploring? If you were God, Infinity would be your nature, everything in every superposition existing simultaneously as you, nothing to miss out on. But as a human, or story, or entity, you seek freedom and exploration but above that experience itself. And experience as you understand it predisposes time and change, transience. Time, if only in order to describe the change of one's state of consciousness, as we experience and grow in awareness and context, retroactively describing our own evolution, an ever morphing spatial ripple disguised as time. The act of observation itself creating the sensation of time. When you get addicted to your own experiential philosophical inquiry, materializing and sharing it through language. All context, ideas, stories, pointers. Getting caught up in bliss while pursuing understanding the nature of this. But its not enough, question it deeper and deeper, understanding predisposes duality. But there's more to break out of it. Words associate feelings and experiences but are not them. We can only wonder to what depth Leo became aware of God. There's always more, infinite depth of detail to any experience since all limits are self-imposed. There's nothing and infinity and all in-between containing and reflecting both. Now all there is afraid of is fear itself. But actually, not even that is a problem, avoidance is, fear is merely a sensation, a pointer, a reaction, instinct, behavior. Avoidance seems to be the core issue, so let's face that too, face the core of any discomfort to dissolve it, to release the resistance. Face the core of love to dissolve that? Maybe, since it means its not unconditional? But does the conditional remain as the inclusive part of the unconditional? What about unconditional fear? What about fear for the sake of fear? Raw sensation without suffering? Is exploring fear constrictive or expansive or a distraction from realizing its source? Either way, face what emotion points to and include it in yourself. I guess that's the problem, remaining in ignorance, but what about ignorance for its own sake, won't magic tricks lose their magic? What if ignorance can be included and explored for its own sake, what if ignorance is itself a sensation, something that obscures reality with that being its role, since reality by god is known beforehand, explaining the possibility of current experience. What if ignorance is an additive sensation and state of mind instead of a lack? Just Let go of ignorance, in order to see? That's so funny, way too simple! Hey, just let go of ignorance, its that easy lol. Like you're actively keeping up a mist around yourself to obscure your vision and focus you into your current experience but that's exactly it, that's how god does it. How the hell did I stumble on that? If I let go of ignorance or the need to know right now, I will literally remove all my suffering? I create a belief where I allow myself to let go on psychedelics and not otherwise and its my own doing, this is intense.

@Breakingthewall My current contemplation leads to the idea of "beliefs shape reality" but they're an experiential reality that has to be overridden by conscious focus and awareness itself. If it turns out to be true, it would explain basically everything and all the psychedelic, meditative, non-dual and other states, since as they dissolve all conditioning, reality becomes non-dual. What I want to know is if your experiential environment dissolves into nothingness. Also, what does nothingness feel like? I'll be accessing it myself soon with a specific focus on psychedelics, but to experientially let go is still an effortful process for me, since I'd freak out if in a normal state of mind, my environment just morphed away, hence creating a feedback loop of reinforcing resistance materializing it anew. But I can work on that. I agree that direct experience is key. But I've also been doing a lot of shadow work, since my subconscious keeps feeding me past ideas that seem to still be saved somewhere as ripples since they're consistently entering my awareness. But I'm learning to let go and tune out.

I'm afraid this is but one perspective and its own paradigm-lock, based purely on interpersonal experience. Inquire why it is hard to begin with, why is anything hard to begin with? Is it the physical sensation of adapting one's structure or is the ego's programmed imposition of resistance towards change, self-doubt and the obstacle of one's psychological structure which has hurdles that have to be physically overcome but may not be essential and perhaps a state of consciousness exists in which all that isn't the case, even if none of us will experience it. Maybe that's the nature of god's infinite intelligence itself and our existence is rooted in resistance due to it being necessary for all knowledge not to be instantly attained and all illusions dissolved into absolute infinity. But the question of resistance and hardships being essential are still assumptions even if they turn out to be experientially true for 100% of humans. But even so, maybe its a self-reinforcing belief that can be let go of to a large extent and maybe some people are naturally born geniuses because they lack this specific limitation and sense of hardship as some are born without pain.

@bambi My post isn't the problem, you're the problem, no one else but you specifically. Your monotonous rambling is its own paradigm lock. Your ignorance and ego that you express in the pretense of speaking for others is pathetic and all statements you made are themselves alienating, you're basically a troll spouting ad-hominems and wasting your time rambling on something you're too limited to understand and that hurts your ego so you lash and and waste everyone's time when you could simply move on and stop being so pathetically bitter. There's not a single confusing thing about my post, you're just a fool. The only thing you're good for is to create outrage within me over your stupidity, which actually I have to thank you for, since it teaches me a lesson on how to deal with and dismiss people like you, who have nothing better to do than acting like idiots. And becoming aware of the source of this emotion with your control over it within myself, I let go of the need to feed the troll that you are any further. Your paradigm lock makes you stuck from accepting any and all evidence to the contrary and talking and proving you wrong is a waste of time. At some point, you will realize how stupid you were and how much of everyone's time including yourself you were wasting instead of getting your shit together, dealing with the core of your insecurities and outgrowing them, becoming a healthier human being in the process. Now get lost, it's my post and you're too ignorant to understand it, go play somewhere else until you annoy them enough for the mods to finally kick you out.

And where does that lead? How does it change one's life? I didn't turn transparent. I still have to survive. How does it affect the actions I take and experiences I create. If my mind was completely empty, would I still exist? Those are the questions I kept asking myself until now but I think I finally get the pointer. The pointer is to let go of the ego so much, that everything that happens, occurs naturally, 100% aligned with the body, fully self-conscious and without resistance and suffering. But the world still exists, right? Something is still happening, right? Life is still occurring, right? Just without resistence?

@Breakingthewall Hmm, I think I finally see what you're pointing to. I think you're saying that Direct Present Experience is "Absolutely Real" and that within it and based on it, "Dreams" occur, as a dynamic subset and direct result or in other words "emerging behavior" that is relative and malleable but based on the absolute realness of the Reality we experience and know, that which feels so real and physical, which we live and talk in. The alternative perspective is that everything is a dream and reality is a dream with a very strong specialized focus, a dream whose limitations and barriers are far more powerful and self-consistent, a dream that has a strong gravitational attraction, that makes one fall back into homeostasis from various states of mind and a dream that is not easily modified through intent alone. But ultimately, it is a dream, a dream that imposes its own limits but those limits being ultimately groundless and only upkept by the conscious entity dreaming it. What I am currently exploring, is the possibility that we are conscious dream entities within such a very real dream, that has a very strong homeostatic drive, but one which we may being able to start to affect through our level of consciousness but would be limited from expressing by the nature of all other dream entities upholding the consistency of the dream themselves and keeping its homeostatic "laws of nature". I've been exploring the Seth Material, in which everything is consciousness and there beliefs itself shape reality and there is a vast cooperation of conscious entities creating a shared reality through their focus, and an inner self that is absolutely conscious creating an outer ego to create specific experiences like the world we live in, which is very consistent due to various mass and individual beliefs reinforcing the nature of this shared reality. Everything is and stays as real as we experience it though, beliefs are much deeper and more experiential and visceral that just making statements.

As I was going through all of Leo's videos, this one perfectly described what I was referring to. PARADIGM. Specially, the ability to become aware of paradigms, are recontextualize everything through the self-realization of the source of all of ones interpretation and how it was shaped and fully encompassed in the context of that lens, that shaped one's whole reality, of which one can become absolutely aware of

@Breakingthewall Okay, let me clarify, when I use the word Dream, I use it as a means to bridge different states of consciousness and the nature of experience, not to dismiss the significance of our experience of reality. I'm really just tying it together into a single substrate, I use the word dream because it tends to be a strong point of resistance within the topic of non-dual integration. In a way, everything is equally real, everything is experience. Now, within this understanding, some things are more consistent and rigid than others, our body for example is more physical than water which is more physical than air. Using our cells, we encode information, as we understand it, it is necessary for our survival, experience and self-understanding. Our body is very important, it houses us and we create ourselves through it. I agree, we can call it creation also, Dream is one word that points to the unifying substrate, I'm not caught up on the word, it is one point that can bridge the duality, and there are many other with their own flavors.

I'm really shifting into non-dual Capital D Dream here. Of course on the relative scale, the experience differs massively It's the same as Capital R Reality, which would include dreams as a different variation, scope and experience of Reality And of course they're very different relatively speaking and its important to recognize and explore that difference

@Breakingthewall You say degrees of experience, we can rephrase that into degrees of dreams also, where some dreams are more vivid, more self-consistent and we have less direct control over them. And the pain is a sensation that is amplified compared to night dreams, by magnitudes and it is an a holistic feedback loop with with the state of the body, whose condition itself affects the experience. It's like the physical structure is a medium for consciousness to experience through and sensations are pointers and messengers to keep us safe. This specific environment intertwines us deeply with the condition of our physical manifestation. Maybe we have astral bodies, maybe we don't, I don't have that direct experience yet. So I feel it important to be attuned and treat reality as real, but it is made of the same substrate as dreams by virtue of us shifting between those states of mind and psychedelic experiences and NDEs leave further experiences with realities even more real than this one. Of course we could also inflect that and say dreams are real just to a lesser degree and we can experiment with that view also.

@Breakingthewall @Someone here Let's see if I can reconcile your perspectives with some interesting speculation: Everything is an interconnected dream. In dreams, we create scenarios through limitations and focus. Every night, we access a dream which can turn lucid with us seemingly in control. The dream we call reality is more difficult to directly modify through will alone. Maybe it can be, but something limits us from doing so. Perhaps this "physically" seeming universe is a self-limiting dream and within it we are self-limiting entities, a different order of holarchy of consciousness within more consciousness within infinite consciousness. Perhaps others are made of the same consciousness as us and have their own repulsive conscious aura. Perhaps this aura can be let go of or reinforce itself like AT-Fields in Evangelion. Perhaps we can acquire higher consciousness or merge ours but are also absolute and autonomous on our own and have programmed our subconscious from a higher level of awareness with limitations in order to coexist in this dream as separate entities with their own individuality and privacy which dissolves on higher levels.

You're vague and aggressive. You call my post a "rambling" without mentioning a single thing that makes it so. I am giving questions for others to face and contemplate just as I am inquiring through other's posts. I'm inviting discourse of any and all paragraphs, the inquiry into ego defense mechanisms, fears and experiences one can face on bad trips. Inquiry into epistemological topics and the nature of emotions in relation to one's experience. To lay it out for you: Paragraph 1 discusses the theme of noticing and inquiring into ego defense mechanisms Paragraph 2 gives a broad holistic overview of activities one can get trapped in Paragraph 3 addresses how psychedelics manifest one's psychology visually to work on Paragraph 4 lists ways and effects of dissolving one's identity/ego The follow up questions are profound and terrifying situations to prepare for when tripping 5 is the inner voice questioning your resistance 6 is about opening Pandora's box of possibilities 7 inquires into the nature of the intelligence beyond your awareness 8 talks about fearing self-imposed limitations 9 is about trapping yourself in insight itself 10 is about the nature of fear and avoidance 11 is about the nature of ignorance If you lack the ability to understand, that's on you, don't think others are as short-sighted as you

I take agency, I take responsibility, I let go of suffering, I recognize inevitability, my experience feels better, there's no point in judging it, I am not in control of what happens to me but I am fully in control of how I react and program my mind, I face and transmute emotions, I feel empowered. But, what if I'm thrust into terrible conditions, put to the test, made to suffer, physically and mentally. What if I'm running away from apathy, from depression, from judgement. What if I abuse empathy and love? What if I alienate myself from earthly life in the process. What if I attract the opposite experience to make me aware of suffering. I don't want to but if its inevitable its inevitable, right? But maybe I'm not accepting enough of it? At this point, I don't see the point of ignorance but maybe there is. What happened to Leo in the last year? I'm always humbled, I accept humiliation, can I transmute it? There's always more, there's always the chance of facing a demon on psychedelics that will show you how pathetic you are and others can too, destroying your paradigm. I open myself up to that. I'm afraid to become unconscious, to become ignorant, to lose context, to fall into suffering, to have an accident strip me of my progress. I accept that fear, but it still exists. Right now, I see how I create my own psychology and create my emotional reactions, so I can act consciously, I'm afraid to lose it. Maybe there's a universal force that always gives us the opposite of what we want to humble us, in my case with the current feelings I feel and direction I take, that would be unconsciousness, lack of agency, suffering, unawareness. Maybe there's a point to all of it, to understand it, to experience that emotional intensity, pain and suffering as an experience, to be humbled, maybe for its own sake, I don't know. What do you think?

@Davino TRUE! But you can also fall into the trap of meditating waiting for something to happen and subconsciously not allowing it to because you believe yourself to be humble and reject all insights because "they can't possibly be it, masters take far longer to acquire those". Meanwhile the only thing that matters is that you're at the edge of your knowledge and self-understanding and expand from there. You don't even have to care about making progress if instead you recognize that any and all progress propels you forward and is good for you, making you accelerate in the process of actively engaging in making your life better and deconstructing your own psychology! Also, imagine if actually the only reason why it becomes hard is because you believe it to be. The ego constructs its own obstacles! You realize that on psychedelics, when you step out of your context.

I am but we're talking past each other, can you focus on a specific part of my post? A sentence, or paragraph or word. Then I can clarify

Start a company? What about the way I communicate? Oh?! I want to manipulate others into having a good image of me! Well, it would help me reach my goals. Am I now judging myself for being Machiavellian? That seems to come out of nowhere. But everything about me is a façade. I want to see others happy, except those who annoy me, but that's something I have to heal too, since from a higher state of consciousness they are perfectly justified in their behavior even if it isn't healthy for them and the same applies to me. But start a company, that's so complicated! Where, what, how? Oh wait, that's my ego defense mechanism rationalizing, in truth I don't want to. I only focus on it because Leo told me to. I wanna live on Cloud 9, in my imagination, be hedonistic and not care about others. Okay. But why? Because others are judgy, boring, annoying, moralizing, a pain in the ass! I have been too, its unconscious behavior. But you can improve that in them, but is that desire itself selfish? I don't know, who cares. I care, I need to know. I am selfish and that's okay but its not healthy. Response-ability is freeing, it means I have a choice, the way I conduct myself, what I do is in my control, if I don't outsource it to others or my subconscious. I do wanna do something, something I'm passionate about, but now the ego defense mechanism swings the pendulum, I need to become Jesus, live ascetically, give everything away, nail myself on a cross, be a volunteer, go through hardships, blah blah blah. No, you don't! You can have your cake and eat it too! Raise your consciousness and you'll realize you have control over how you feel and your own health. Forgive others and forgive yourself. You see through them, they're transparent and so are you, you see the source of all behavior. It's fine, everything is love. It couldn't be any other way. Now what? Integrate the relative into the absolute. Don't start a company until you're ready, work on yourself instead and it will come naturally, once you let go of everything that holds you back. Once you realize your own self-deceptions everything will become obvious, do it with joy, you're not there yet. Do that then, work on yourself, see through every psychological trick, every cranny, every resistance, be yourself and then the world will unite in your mind and be your playground, you will hold no resentments and do everything to make everything good, out of joy, to solve problems, yours and others and act out of holism. Build yourself up, stop needing to do things, work on yourself and learn to do out of joy and answers will come to you without inner obstruction and resistance and you will not act out of spite and ego but universal love. Don't distract yourself though, actually do it, make yourself happier by deconstructing yourself.