Keryo Koffa

@Breakingthewall Okay, let me clarify, when I use the word Dream, I use it as a means to bridge different states of consciousness and the nature of experience, not to dismiss the significance of our experience of reality. I'm really just tying it together into a single substrate, I use the word dream because it tends to be a strong point of resistance within the topic of non-dual integration. In a way, everything is equally real, everything is experience. Now, within this understanding, some things are more consistent and rigid than others, our body for example is more physical than water which is more physical than air. Using our cells, we encode information, as we understand it, it is necessary for our survival, experience and self-understanding. Our body is very important, it houses us and we create ourselves through it. I agree, we can call it creation also, Dream is one word that points to the unifying substrate, I'm not caught up on the word, it is one point that can bridge the duality, and there are many other with their own flavors.

I'm really shifting into non-dual Capital D Dream here. Of course on the relative scale, the experience differs massively It's the same as Capital R Reality, which would include dreams as a different variation, scope and experience of Reality And of course they're very different relatively speaking and its important to recognize and explore that difference

@Breakingthewall You say degrees of experience, we can rephrase that into degrees of dreams also, where some dreams are more vivid, more self-consistent and we have less direct control over them. And the pain is a sensation that is amplified compared to night dreams, by magnitudes and it is an a holistic feedback loop with with the state of the body, whose condition itself affects the experience. It's like the physical structure is a medium for consciousness to experience through and sensations are pointers and messengers to keep us safe. This specific environment intertwines us deeply with the condition of our physical manifestation. Maybe we have astral bodies, maybe we don't, I don't have that direct experience yet. So I feel it important to be attuned and treat reality as real, but it is made of the same substrate as dreams by virtue of us shifting between those states of mind and psychedelic experiences and NDEs leave further experiences with realities even more real than this one. Of course we could also inflect that and say dreams are real just to a lesser degree and we can experiment with that view also.

@Breakingthewall @Someone here Let's see if I can reconcile your perspectives with some interesting speculation: Everything is an interconnected dream. In dreams, we create scenarios through limitations and focus. Every night, we access a dream which can turn lucid with us seemingly in control. The dream we call reality is more difficult to directly modify through will alone. Maybe it can be, but something limits us from doing so. Perhaps this "physically" seeming universe is a self-limiting dream and within it we are self-limiting entities, a different order of holarchy of consciousness within more consciousness within infinite consciousness. Perhaps others are made of the same consciousness as us and have their own repulsive conscious aura. Perhaps this aura can be let go of or reinforce itself like AT-Fields in Evangelion. Perhaps we can acquire higher consciousness or merge ours but are also absolute and autonomous on our own and have programmed our subconscious from a higher level of awareness with limitations in order to coexist in this dream as separate entities with their own individuality and privacy which dissolves on higher levels.

You're vague and aggressive. You call my post a "rambling" without mentioning a single thing that makes it so. I am giving questions for others to face and contemplate just as I am inquiring through other's posts. I'm inviting discourse of any and all paragraphs, the inquiry into ego defense mechanisms, fears and experiences one can face on bad trips. Inquiry into epistemological topics and the nature of emotions in relation to one's experience. To lay it out for you: Paragraph 1 discusses the theme of noticing and inquiring into ego defense mechanisms Paragraph 2 gives a broad holistic overview of activities one can get trapped in Paragraph 3 addresses how psychedelics manifest one's psychology visually to work on Paragraph 4 lists ways and effects of dissolving one's identity/ego The follow up questions are profound and terrifying situations to prepare for when tripping 5 is the inner voice questioning your resistance 6 is about opening Pandora's box of possibilities 7 inquires into the nature of the intelligence beyond your awareness 8 talks about fearing self-imposed limitations 9 is about trapping yourself in insight itself 10 is about the nature of fear and avoidance 11 is about the nature of ignorance If you lack the ability to understand, that's on you, don't think others are as short-sighted as you

I take agency, I take responsibility, I let go of suffering, I recognize inevitability, my experience feels better, there's no point in judging it, I am not in control of what happens to me but I am fully in control of how I react and program my mind, I face and transmute emotions, I feel empowered. But, what if I'm thrust into terrible conditions, put to the test, made to suffer, physically and mentally. What if I'm running away from apathy, from depression, from judgement. What if I abuse empathy and love? What if I alienate myself from earthly life in the process. What if I attract the opposite experience to make me aware of suffering. I don't want to but if its inevitable its inevitable, right? But maybe I'm not accepting enough of it? At this point, I don't see the point of ignorance but maybe there is. What happened to Leo in the last year? I'm always humbled, I accept humiliation, can I transmute it? There's always more, there's always the chance of facing a demon on psychedelics that will show you how pathetic you are and others can too, destroying your paradigm. I open myself up to that. I'm afraid to become unconscious, to become ignorant, to lose context, to fall into suffering, to have an accident strip me of my progress. I accept that fear, but it still exists. Right now, I see how I create my own psychology and create my emotional reactions, so I can act consciously, I'm afraid to lose it. Maybe there's a universal force that always gives us the opposite of what we want to humble us, in my case with the current feelings I feel and direction I take, that would be unconsciousness, lack of agency, suffering, unawareness. Maybe there's a point to all of it, to understand it, to experience that emotional intensity, pain and suffering as an experience, to be humbled, maybe for its own sake, I don't know. What do you think?

@Davino TRUE! But you can also fall into the trap of meditating waiting for something to happen and subconsciously not allowing it to because you believe yourself to be humble and reject all insights because "they can't possibly be it, masters take far longer to acquire those". Meanwhile the only thing that matters is that you're at the edge of your knowledge and self-understanding and expand from there. You don't even have to care about making progress if instead you recognize that any and all progress propels you forward and is good for you, making you accelerate in the process of actively engaging in making your life better and deconstructing your own psychology! Also, imagine if actually the only reason why it becomes hard is because you believe it to be. The ego constructs its own obstacles! You realize that on psychedelics, when you step out of your context.

I am but we're talking past each other, can you focus on a specific part of my post? A sentence, or paragraph or word. Then I can clarify

Start a company? What about the way I communicate? Oh?! I want to manipulate others into having a good image of me! Well, it would help me reach my goals. Am I now judging myself for being Machiavellian? That seems to come out of nowhere. But everything about me is a façade. I want to see others happy, except those who annoy me, but that's something I have to heal too, since from a higher state of consciousness they are perfectly justified in their behavior even if it isn't healthy for them and the same applies to me. But start a company, that's so complicated! Where, what, how? Oh wait, that's my ego defense mechanism rationalizing, in truth I don't want to. I only focus on it because Leo told me to. I wanna live on Cloud 9, in my imagination, be hedonistic and not care about others. Okay. But why? Because others are judgy, boring, annoying, moralizing, a pain in the ass! I have been too, its unconscious behavior. But you can improve that in them, but is that desire itself selfish? I don't know, who cares. I care, I need to know. I am selfish and that's okay but its not healthy. Response-ability is freeing, it means I have a choice, the way I conduct myself, what I do is in my control, if I don't outsource it to others or my subconscious. I do wanna do something, something I'm passionate about, but now the ego defense mechanism swings the pendulum, I need to become Jesus, live ascetically, give everything away, nail myself on a cross, be a volunteer, go through hardships, blah blah blah. No, you don't! You can have your cake and eat it too! Raise your consciousness and you'll realize you have control over how you feel and your own health. Forgive others and forgive yourself. You see through them, they're transparent and so are you, you see the source of all behavior. It's fine, everything is love. It couldn't be any other way. Now what? Integrate the relative into the absolute. Don't start a company until you're ready, work on yourself instead and it will come naturally, once you let go of everything that holds you back. Once you realize your own self-deceptions everything will become obvious, do it with joy, you're not there yet. Do that then, work on yourself, see through every psychological trick, every cranny, every resistance, be yourself and then the world will unite in your mind and be your playground, you will hold no resentments and do everything to make everything good, out of joy, to solve problems, yours and others and act out of holism. Build yourself up, stop needing to do things, work on yourself and learn to do out of joy and answers will come to you without inner obstruction and resistance and you will not act out of spite and ego but universal love. Don't distract yourself though, actually do it, make yourself happier by deconstructing yourself.

@bambi Beware of your own projections and how you try to speak for everyone, nagging and anger are ego. It's clear for those who do get it and a playground for those who don't. Why are you so passive-aggressive? What part of you have I triggered? Let's heal that! And now by being passive-aggressive you made me passive-aggressive, which is something I'm responsible for. I forgive myself and you. We all have our problems we're projecting outwards. Anger is one hell of a drug. Let's solve our problems.

Turn inward, ha! This post itself is outward. But I wanna share the difference as I transition it. Find the motivation for your current behavior. Contemplate it. External Judgements are Internal. You're only taking in input, interpret the input, you're interpreting the input. Everything, emotion and psychological states follow. When you judge, you judge yourself, help yourself instead and others. Become aware, raise your consciousness, response-ability is freedom. Take control over your own doing. It's amazing. Learn to know how, everything that happens in your body is your own doing and you can become aware of that but it takes some work. I am doing it also. Let's learn from each other. Example: I wanna eat an apple. No! I'm fasting. But it's just an apple. Why do you want the apple? I like the taste. The taste binds you! It's the core of hedonism and equal to everything else. But I still desire the taste though. Okay, but don't feel bad if you don't get it. Okay! Can we get an apple? Yes. Do you worry about calories? Yes. Of a freaking apple?! Yes. Okay. Stop. Eat the apple anyway? Yeah, sure. It's amazing. Do I need it? No. Do I like it? Yes. Good Inner dialogue, outer dialogue, find the motivation and tackle that, through all resistance, honesty.

@Yimpa I LOVE YOU You're a whole 'nother level of Zen Master

@bambi We are on different frequencies then, like different languages, I am exploring the nature of language itself right now and am expressing it in my writing, that's why it might seem confusing. Pardon my conceptual abstractness. Try to navigate it playfully and reflect what you think I am saying. Let's have a discourse.

No, I'm not, this is my only account. I remember somebody wondering if I'm Razard86 before too XD. I only started this whole acceleration process into self-understanding in September. It seems elecroBeam has stopped posting in 2022. I might look into him. Ultimately, we all share one consciousness but are unaware of each other's specific personalities, there are bridges and synchronicities. We're all connected. Am I you? Well, if I open myself up to it, I can traverse the sensations that materialize us both. It's really fascinating My ego feels flattered. It's really about exploration and contextualization, realizing what has held you back and what you dismissed and avoided before can become your greatest strength, that you can collapse artificial barriers and realize understanding in the process. There is much to be discovered.

@bambi Why does it have to be personal, interpret it as an inner voice and pointer to experience to come. If you're past it and it seems foolish, you can respond to it with your own experience and show my limitations. Else you can use it for contemplation. It's a dense condensation of my insights, questions to face, limitations to overcome, and ideas to navigate. My syntax is more direct, navigate from one experience to the next and intuitively figure out what connects them and why they are arranged in the order they are. I don't feel the need to turn everything into its own sentence but point at ideas and experiences successively to use as a means of navigation and morphing insight one leading to the next. You can call that cryptic, but you can also embrace it as a challenge and puzzle to make you think and understand through your own wonder. I am entering a level of abstraction where ideas intuitively relate and click without needing dense explanations of their interconnections. For example "dog, cat, bird" refers to animals, "lack, resentment, disfunction" refers to neurosis, it doesn't mention it but it highlights its most important aspects while keeping itself implicitly, to be intuitively realized and in the act thereof more deeply understood by the reader, since that understanding stems from the readers own use of cognitive faculties.

@LastThursday Very well, thank you for destroying this false dichotomy, I am shifting towards awareness on that aspect also. I'll use emotions to understand my current homeostasis, identity and experience. And I gotta explore that, since outside of bodily health, it is one massive preference-based identity simulator and ego-defense-mechanism, which can be massively shifted towards all kinds of actions, lifestyles and life purposes essentially...

This of course presumes that I can decide that, but I can determine action and aim. I've been changing habits. Today specifically, waking up unsatisfied and down, I decided not to engage in sense pleasures to lift my mood. I was cold, so I took a cold shower and my body heated itself up. I was hungry, so I brew tea instead. I felt tired, so I did yoga and am consciously focusing on my posture at all times. All this lifted my emotions and made me feel proud. But this is retrospect, I had to be counter-intuitive unless this is the intuitive thing to do that humans have conditioned themselves to do the opposite and call that intuitive. Either way, it seems I should act completely independent of all emotions and purely on values, on the other hand I feel I should use them as indicators and transmute lower emotions into higher ones by handling the source conditioning/judgements. Now I wonder if I should care and strive for positive emotions after all, or whether their absence is a cue to internally release what keeps them from not being permanent, or whether I should just stop caring altogether and act on what's difficult and aligned with my goals. The subconscious is like an elephant after all, right? It takes time to change direction and it's a conscious effort. So should I feel proud? Right now, I do irregardless, but my perspective affects my emotions and I can change that. Does the source of pride matter, or is it just a distraction to feel content and slow my progress, should I celebrate and do positive reinforcement or should I just keep going and aim to dissolve pride into tranquility and let go of all feelings of accomplishment/rewards, since they're not unconditional and I ought to have a stable state of tranquility from which action arises and not pride myself on anything. After all, I only act the way I do due to the longer journey, conscious effort and life circumstances, pride seems to distort that into ego, although I am proud of of acting on higher values and learned lessons. This is a projection and only an idea so far, but I feel the ultimate state doesn't have any room for personal accomplishment and is pure tranquility that creates automatic action because all is conscious, there's no judgement and every act is natural and there's nothing to judge in any kind of way, positive or negative, its inevitable, aligned and does its best at all times to generate harmony. Leo mentioned four states though I forgot the video and what they're called but I recall Apathy/Warrior/Creator/Peace and at the end you'd relinquish control, though its a long continuous journey. Should I use affirmations to change habits or overpower them with conscious awareness and let go of any habit even the good ones? Should I adjust and balance the process or just aim high? Are there positive sides I'm ignoring in various methods, does everything have its place, is it like spiral dynamics where I have to work through the stages or do I do that more effectively by aligning myself with higher ones and dissolve the source of resistance on the way? Give me your insights and experiences

I am aware that I program my subconscious with my responses. What I seek is to become completely emotionally independent, like Sadhguru or what Leo strives towards. If I were an artist or scientist, I want the level of independence that the Stoics are known for. I want to be so emotionally independent, that there is no room for even spite to manifest, that whatever I choose to do doesn't allow subtle suggestions to manipulate my happiness and being. That I don't even use negative reactions as fuel. That all reactions are only seen as reactions. Because to act out of spite is still to construct a counter-identity. I want to be so free, that all sensations become pointers, that pain is no longer painful but an indicator I'm consciously creating and taking advantage of to navigate this body, so aware that all suffering becomes transparent. So transcendent that all negativity collapses and inflects into suggestion for shaping experience. Maybe this will take psychedelics, maybe I'll have to self-actualize to the level that I'm no longer limited to this reality. Whatever the case, my destination is to be completely free and emotionally secure. Maybe the desire itself is insecure and so I'll have to transcend that also. This is the place, if any community strives for the absolute then its this one and I want to take advantage of the resource that are the self-actualizing members here with their experiences and awareness to accelerate what I need to do and process to get there.

I've been binging Actualized.org videos by release date for the last two days, I've achieved a state of intense emotionless focus where I can instantly reprogram my subconscious as I simultaneously meditate and do yoga while listening at 4.5x speed. And I'm only realizing that all the effort and focus I'm putting into this, which is like 10 magnitudes beyond what I was before, is itself being recontextualized. Imagine learning to draw and repeating the same movement to draw a line a thousand times to get it right, I'm so focused I can get it right the first time and it doesn't matter because there's ten thousand other shapes I need to learn to draw and as I adjust to that I realize my limitations and release them to accelerate, but now I have to learn to interconnect all these ten thousand shapes among each other which feels like I need to learn those million patterns but then I accelerate my creativity to spot the meta-pattern to get it done in time and now each has an equal amount of emergent properties so ten thousand to the power of ten thousand, and then I discover this is just the normal level that everyone else is operating on, or it could be much higher, all the skills humans learn every day, all the dimensions of reality that we correlate together in our brains, the immense know-how we absorb every second. And then I look back at my psychedelic trips and it's like I'm sitting waiting for something to happen, to receive some love, or see some colors distort, or hope for something to happen and as much as all my past progress revitalized and elevated me, it's foolish. I need to be conscious every second of my life, I need to instantly memorize and interconnect every complex phenomenon I observe. I'm so wishy-washy, my posts are stupid conceptual distractions. I had no idea how much ego there is, I though: Okay, so I'm not human and reality is love and blah blah blah. But the experiential alienness is far beyond that, the quadrillion meta-patterns eluded me, it was like I was back at school unmotivated trying to grasp a concept, when I can fully understand it immediately now and a thousand more in seconds and just have to keep going. Imagine an unmotivated student taking a week to learn how to count versus one who is attuned and gets it immediately and realizes the thousands of upcoming mathematical branches to come. I've been very much a victim and it's insane to what degree. And I'm waking up and I'm waking up and I'm waking up and I'm so stupid. I will be paying attention to a thousand things every second from now on and on my next trips I will deeply introspect and observe how reality manifests itself in detail and relation to every other part.

@Jowblob "Shushhh, I only let you know it because you're so damn persistent, you can't leak it to the public yet, stop spoiling and messing up the timeline" is what they probably mean

Let's embrace paradox and oppose common beliefs. I am the body, my cells respond, I am them, I move them, I feel them, I breathe, I think, I beat my heart, I've previously erected barriers between my conscious and subconscious processes, between my personas, between my identifications, I am each part of myself, I'm tuning into and aligning myself with myself. My body is mine and makes me, my thoughts are mine and make me, I am the fabric of my body, I manufacture my thoughts, beliefs, sense organs, hallucinations and dreams, I am one and I am many, I am my emotions and I navigate them, I keep homeostasis and I expand, my ego grows and changes, dies and is reborn, my reality springs from within me. My awareness is my own, I am the force that holds myself together, I am the spine and the kundalini rising it, I am the touch and I am the sensation, I pump my blood and I signal my neurons, I am my body and my environment. The more I merge into myself, the more I discover, the more I become, the more I love, the more I am, I am my body and from my body the universe springs.

Turn positive and negative into an axis and then make a sword out of that

I am currently shifting between various lenses dynamically. One is to see the world perfectly, all past events through rose colored glasses, complete compassion for every person and every circumstance and a desire to relive and revitalize it. And the other lens is this weird awareness of non-self-awareness that permeates most our lives where shitty things happen and everything feels rough or like cardboard. And to shift between both simultaneously really gives you perspective. Imagine this: You're at a laundromat, everything is grey, you're bored, annoyed, waiting for time to pass, strong sense of everything being heavy and physical and annoying, you're doing chores, you're sweaty, you feel a sense of hopelessness with the routine repeating itself indefinitely going nowhere, you're an ordinary person living a meaningless life, constantly stressed and on edge, just getting by, repeating and taking care of basic necessities, everything is set in stone, rigid, bland, boring, plastic, you got back pain, you're fatigued, unfocused, bothered, everything is mechanic and the air is suffocating, hopeless, you avoid the stains and grease as you walk. Now imagine: You walk out, you see a flower growing out from between the pavement, the sun is setting and orange rays are permeating the atmosphere, the ground feels weirdly solid, flat, you feel its physicality in contrast to your own body, through the dynamic you feel bouncy, people walk by, you notice how the wind sways their clothes, time slows down as you pay attention, they walk past looking at their phones going about their lives, you walk, the walls of the buildings next to you have an interesting texture, the way they reflect light, you notice the graffiti, you visualize the teenagers who created it, you wonder how far in the past it has been, you keep walking, you hear the sounds of crickets, see cars drive by with music passing you, the sunset at the edge of the skyline looks so beautiful, you start smiling, the way you walk changes, you feel relaxed, attuned, you pay so much more attention, you see how the wind sways everyone's hair, you feel the breeze of fresh air, you feel in love, everything feels perfect, you want to express it somehow but don't know in what way, it seems everyone is already happy, maybe you were the only one that wasn't. Was life always like this? Why didn't I see it before? So, now this polarity is an intense one, the difference comes through focus, engagement, energy. It seems that to engage with and to wonder about any one thing in relation to any other with a sense of playfulness, one can bring oneself into a state of happiness. But I've only really awakened to it being a thing in itself now. If you can consistently access and make reality feel magical, then that's an absolutely amazing state to be in. This also perfectly describes the magic of psychedelics, though reality comes in many more forms and shapes.

Well, we're here and God is supposedly the highest source responsible for everything, so...