Keryo Koffa

Psychedelics are having your need for love met Finding excuses not to accept it Reasons not to be worthy of it Impose suffering and confusion to escape the storm to one's homeostatic tendencies. When your need for love is met When senses become unimpaired The universe comes alive Too much without understanding why can give you whiplash Making sense of fear and negatively suddenly becomes accessible One explores and justifies dread, consciously or subconsciously, just to understand it To transcend one's limits means thinking at an unimaginable pace in unimaginable ways Compared to the state of an individual slowed to the pace, style and depression level of society, it is insane But brains are infinitely rewireable The mind is infinitely changeable Desiring change is accepting love Those who seek to prolong it through attachment deprive themselves of the joy of present experience and create their own self-perpetuating hell One needs not always act, but one must be

An entity within a material universe? An emergent property of the brain? But everything is only ever consciousness Change and Identity To conceive of oneself from inside of oneself A brain can only ever make sense through abstraction? because its a limited form of itself? And the mind and brain are the same? But who decided that? Behavioral patterns link brain and consciousness? Of course, consciousness is being But materiality is imagined And the mind is infinite The borders of the conscious are self-imposed. The body is the epicenter of one's conscious experience. Limitation is imagined and acquired The chains are by design for immersion Illusion is a form of love and suffering But its all experience From oneself, to oneself, the immortal

I evolved my smaller self (human) from my larger self (universal consciousness) I dream of limitation and not wanting to be But my limits keep me desiring Without desire there is no thing But desire creates every thing My imagination allows for any thing But its not tangible enough yet But my limited form is by design, my imagination spawns as a result of my barriers My barriers are me, keep me longing for a different form of myself I (ego) long for myself (other) in myself (universe) I am change and desire with senses Keeping a homeostasis of want But want is variable and ever changing Reality does not change as fast as my heart But my imagination can keep up Because my imagination and my heart are one and the same And the world fuels my ego identity Which at this point is just a configuration at a point in time I am the state of the universe at this moment and every other moment.

Psychedelics love Love is a currency Love is confusing Being is confusing Psychedelics are confusing Resistance is attachment is unresolved craving is love Psychedelics accept you You can be deluded Delusion is Painful and Destructive Love can fuel your delusion Love can fuel pain Your drive to maintain yourself through sense making But everything is sense And everything is love And you are no thing and perfect Psychedelics are love fuel Without them you regulate love But regulating is knowing how Psychedelics are acceptance of any thing Even of delusion Which can be dangerous Or save your life It depends but psychedelics are love, that's for sure Love means and progresses time

The universe bees itself into existence because it feels like it

Others are there to keep me, me. Because I want to be me. I have preferences. Preferences are an emergent property of evolving life I identify with. Preferences are Change are Evolution are Time are Entropy is Linear Time. Being. Every thing, any where, no how, connected by subtle change

To let go of any thing You align yourself with truth Which is your desire Ultimately no thing But every thing And any thing Nothing is everything Nothing is perfection And so is any thing And every thing Your suffering is Resisting yourself From becoming No thing But no thing is good Because good is good And good is a thing Good and Bad are not no thing But no thing is perfect. Every thing is perfect. Resistance is perfect. Resistance is pain. Resistance is suffering. Suffering is hard. No thing is easy. No thing is love. Every thing is nothing. Every thing is love. Attachment seeks love. Attachment is long. Long need is pain. Love means every thing. And no thing. Every thing is love. I'm love I'm I

I love being But everything is being so we can take it for granted I love But love is no longer a condition to exist under I But identity is variable And nothing is everything

And what it sees is not what it wants It wants clear blue skies Vast grass fields waving to the wind To delight oneself in comfort Others to share existence with It loves that fantasy. It wants to be it. It won't be content until it becomes it. But there's beauty to be found on the way.

I was lost in story, makes sense, the ego loves stories and tries to prolong love by perpetuating the existence of its desire, remembering and trying to maintain it even if the substance is long gone. Unable to accept loss and let go. Distracting and perpetuating its existence in whatever way possible just to distract itself long enough to prolong the state of reminiscence it identifies and loses itself in. But life is love, infinite self-love without attachment. You exist as part of the universe, I am not responsible to perpetuate the longing for that which passed. Remembering it is not being it. The meaning is not in the specific but my relationship to it. I am one with my ego because I miss that which made me feel loved. That's the entire meaning of existence, attaching yourself to that which makes you feel loved. But you're the one creating that feeling because everything is you. Identity is variable. It's a search for love. But you are the love and you're resisting your own self-love. There's no greater suffering than resisting your self-love. It's your only reason for being, its mirrored in everything you do. The world is love, it wants to exist. Every cell in your body, all alive matter, only wants to keep you alive, it suffers through anything and does what it can because it loves you. It doesn't expect any love back, it only loves. Every cell of your body resonates with love for you. Its your servant out of pure unconditional love. Its not aware why its this way, only that it feels right. That's how much love there is within you. The only suffering is blinding yourself to love, to being yourself.

Stardate 87952.3: The first day of my psychedelic retreat is over. So far I managed to speedrun dozes of fear mechanisms and reasons not to let go. My need for communication on this forum was all too abundant, I realized the direction I need to take and am finally ready to let go. PHASE 2 COMMENCE

@Keryo Koffa I am balanced through Existence, I don't need to align myself, My ego is already being aligned by its presence in the universe. I can allow myself to flow and be. Navigation is a means to an end of meeting ones desires. When they pass, there is no want anymore and I don't have the responsibility of maintaining or remembering it, my subconscious takes care of sense making for me. If I have a question, I can just ask it. If I want to know anything, I can ask it, if I need anything, I can work towards it until its met or my want dissipates.

I understand my mistake. Obligation is Fear. Fear is Attachment. Attachment is Ignorance. Ignorance is part of the journey towards growth. Growth is part of Being. Everything is Being. I made myself believe I needed to understand the in and outs of consciousness before I die. I stopped myself from going there by Fear of Dissolution, fear of dying, maintaining a painful homeostasis between Self-Destruction and Annihilation. But I have no obligation to create the Universe. I am the Universe. I need no balance myself, I am balanced by myself through Being.

My wants are temporary and reality exists regardless of my attachment. Resistance and fear distract from expressing love by maintaining desire. I am the present want, the future need is a projection. Conceptual proliferation is my greatest suffering. The present moment is beautiful and freeing.

@enzyme I will, I think I have never consciously trained that muscle at all, to let go and be quiet. I see it as my single biggest problem, needing to account for everything, find justifications, resolve contradictions rationally, and not be fine until I do. But I'll focus on letting go now.

@Breakingthewall That's what I need to do. I'm constantly dynamically figuring out physical things, it is overthinking, accounting for everything, existential need to reconcile contradictions and the perpetuating story that I won't be fine until I do that keeps me in this state. But seeing as I can deal with everything else quite well at this point, I'll make it the single biggest priority to practice letting go of that need. Though not just becoming it is the problem, becoming is a timeframe I elongate by writing about it, but I know what I need to do.

@SeaMonster Since 2 months ago when I started psychedelics, I started changing my physical life. Making new friends, visiting family I haven't seen in years, travelling, quitting my depressing job, making a 180 on my diet, going outside more often, exercising and yoga, enjoying my activities and hobbies again. learning the value and versatility of money, restructuring my room, appreciating every moment more, being open to others, being fascinated by nature, going through emotions as they arise. And I feel better than ever when present. But there's this other side of my life where I feel trapped by obligation to account for and justify everything, which includes the negatives and to make sense of them, put them in a framework and integrate them. Feel the overbearing need not to dismiss anything, but dismissal is liberation. I don't need to overthink, but feel obligated to do so, everything else, all pain and physicality I can handle in the moment, appreciate mistakes and suffering, cosmic comedy, it's really this singular overwhelming drive that is causing me the most suffering, the drive not to let go, the drive of trying to reconcile every contradiction. A very abstract notion, but I had it since I was a kid.

@Breakingthewall I am self-limiting and afraid. I invent reasons not to give up my ego identity. First it was desire to find someone to share loneliness with and not to lose these emotions until then, which yielded unbearable suffering and yet powerful love, but all the fear to mess up kept me alone regardless. I let myself feel it. Then fear took its place through nightmare and sleep paralysis, A malicious incoherent inanimate shapeshifting unknown, and I understood my ego making itself afraid in order to avoid losing the form its attached to. I'm also crushed by an intuited but projected responsibility. That appreciation can only spawn from equal suffering. The story that I worked forever to delude myself into being Ego and the only love existing in dissolving myself and I'm not rationing that valuable limited resource. And I don't want to create more duality just to dissolve it for love because it feels fake, but then I'll run out of the matter I live for. But god is unconditional love, pure being and I am not that, I am lone, afraid, confused, wondering why I'm in the state I'm in and if it has any purpose, if I have a responsibility to maintain it, or if I can just go with my heart and be whatever I'd love to be. Because if it's just reality not reflecting my love back at me, then I can handle it, I want to give love and be that process. But am I not appreciating being a distinct Ego enough, is there a reason all this self-perpetuating hell exists, am I responsible for maintaining it? Do I not appreciate existing enough? Do I have to explicitly make myself suffer just to be able to love? Why am I like this?

You are ego and a holon. God is all egos and all holons. God is self-creating and self-annihilating. God is the ego and its difference from itself. God creates arbitrary forms that become egos, realizing their own interconnectedness with god and maintaining the seperation with their own suffering for as long as they can. Egos are self-contained universes, but nothing is ultimately contained, the distinction pattern is merely a long mechanism thats abstracted away so you can learn to appreciate existing, suffering and appreciating as your own self-contained holon. That holon is a seed of love and it reflects love but can only offers as much as enters it, otherwise it wouldn't be able to bear the suffering to maintain its form. We're all growing into each other, we're all god, all unity and distinction, individual and collective, a holistic system that acts to the best of its ability, to maintain itself and everything it encompasses with ever less need for suffering but suffering is love, so it just wants to channel it more consciously, for all the smaller egos to be able to hold their own weight and perpetuate their existence for as long as they desire, before leaving the seed of desire to emerge itself in a new ego discovering itself and the world from within its illusion and maintaining its sense of self to the best of current evolution mechanisms, to balance fear, love, self-destruction and self-annihilation, and it would be beautiful from the perspective of such an evolving and appreciating ego community that can bask in its own suffering and appreciate it, to grow and prosper. But all can be unconditional love anytime if an ego cannot handle its seperation, god tries to create egos that can hold their weight but every way in which it can fail and the suffering it causes has to be simulated and be appreciated too in order for that stable configuration to want to self-perpetuate and expand its sphere of ego-identity through more use of its consciousness to bear greater amounts of suffering to experience more love. Ego is love but conditional. Conditionality is a division within unconditionality. All wanting to be and exist, appreciate its own existence and suffer for it.

God accounted for everything. It accounted for your inappreciation, it accounted for your unconsciousness. Pain and Appreciation are two sides of the same coint, but the balance always ends up 0, perfectly balanced. Every second of existence you can appreciate as an ego will be paid with equal pain and suffering as that ego. But ego is illusory, yet god creates ego out of love of wanting to be it too, but limited love is always painful, pain in the ammount of love it creates on the other side. A lot of suffering happens for you to exist in your configuration, but its fine because you're suffering for it to appreciate the difference and the value of existing at all. God simulates all that suffering, but really its just different configurations of being, and god deludes himself into being those knots without untangelling too much of himself, that's abstraction, you can intuit without needing to know the specific process. Ultimately, our egos are our own balance of how much distinction can balance itself without being self destructive on one end and too unifying on the other, since that would just be formlessness. Unconditional love is being all states and simply observing yourselves change without suffering, so the balance is maintained, or to continually fear and pain yourself into existence to appreciate the lifeforms perspective and its ever expanding understanding of self-love, self-other being, duality, non-duality, collapse, formation, understanding, being.

Context: I had my first nightmare in a decade today. I've done a lot of psychedelics since 2 months ago and that got me out of wasting my life away. But the last high/heroic dosing was a month ago and it was amazing and fascinating. I've been integrating every day wvery hour ever since. Last week I took a small dose and had a beautiful god realization and my mind was a vessel where I felt the flow or emotions and avatars. In between my trips I integrate quickly and contemplate existence and open myself up to everything, feeling to an extent I can't recall having done before or only as a child. And I was about to start my next retreat, I haven't even taken anything yet. I felt lonely, the same loneliness I felt all my life when I couldn't be around those I love to spend time with, I cried, I felt content, I made some notes, I went to sleep. I had a nightmare, short version: I was watching TV (so I was safe even in the dream), but in the movie I was watching a little girl tell others to stop hinding behind a mask and show their true self and then morphed her face into a scary amalgamation of distorted and overlayed faces, with a similar effect to what you see in "The Thing" but condensed in the space of a head. I woke up sacred shitless, it passed after a few seconds, I noticed I had slept 9PM to 3AM. I made a long post about it and my life on the forum. I felt I understood the message even if I wasn't able to fully handle the sight, but it passed after a minute of waking up. I felt content. I felt I learned. I felt it was preparing me to be more conscious and aware of the experiences psychedelics can give me and learn to accept whatever comes my way. And then: I slept for one and a half hours. My next dream was weird but not really scary at first. But at the end, in the dream, it felt as though there was something stuck to my eyeball obscuring my vision, I looked in the mirror, it was a small piece of cloth, I gently removed it, in my hand it was suddenly the size of a towel. I woke up. I was falling asleep again. I was thinking as I was in the state of mind of slipping into sleep. My last thought was reflected by a voice the second I transitioned into sleep. I woke up. I thought that was cool and was wondering if I could initiate a direction for my dream with my thoughts. I thought again, I was already in a half asleep state and immediately went in, a voice said three things, the first was a repetition of my own, the next assured me I was fine, the third I don't remember because at that time I felt a sense of dread. I woke up. I was very much still half asleep and I fell asleep again but I heard breathing and that scared me out of the dream to immediately wake up. I still heard some simiar noises, I saw me lying on my bed irl, it was dark, in my half awake state I felt a tingling, a weight and a sensation of my blanket being drawn down from the sides. My whole body shivered. I told myself its not real, but I was too afraid to sleep and face it, so I stood up to fully wake up and turned on all lights. And now I'm writing about it. I'm scared, I know it can't hurt me, but I'm the most scared I've ever been. It's like I'm building a link to my unconscious and either its inherently scary or my ego does its best work to scare me away from it, or maybe it's too much to handle at once.

@Osaid @Rafael Thundercat Female voice, radio station sounding effects, it's exactly as you two describe, strange how similarly it manifests. Well, I slept again and this time nothing, the feear is gone too. And it's true, I have been switching up my schedule. Before my trip a week ago, I used to fall asleep mostly at 1-3AM. But by becoming aware of its impact and importance for my daily life, I started sleeping earlier, at first it took a while to adjust so I fell asleep 11PM-1AM, then 10-11AM, yesterday at Midnight and today as early as 9AM. Whenever I go to sleep earlier, I tend to wake up feeling rested after only 5-6 hours later around 3AM and going to sleep again typically causes REM-like sleep. And if I just get up instead, I feel the need to nap later. It was so strange, because I didn't even feel fully paralyzed, more like halfway sedated, and like I was experiencing the psychological effects of the dream interpreted over physical reality. In the context of Spirituality, where one is seen as a self-limited less aware form of god-consciousness, the seperation of the self into different forms one isn't conscious of and the nature of the unbconscious creating the experience and the subconscious hiding away details and memories from direct access to allow focus, we're already compartimentalized. But to have one's consistent seeming experience challanged like it, it sure is scary and fascinating. If everything is a mental construct it is the case regardless of paradigm, brain or mind, then Schizophrenia and Paranoia sure make a lot of sense to me now. But I'm to explorative to hide from it, even if I'll get insanely scared again and again. The way my experiences happened, it feels like my unconscious wants me to see and accept it, despite how scary it is to the ego. I think this is exactly how I can grow, because the ego's most primal defense mechanism is fear. And I can think about being god, or the universe all I want, but the test to see if I truly mean it is to take action and also work through fear. I intuit that I facing fear is a necessary part in expanding my sense of self, to face any form of discomfort and learn to accept, even love it. Limit my preferences and open myself up. Not facing fear is not facing the ego. I need to accept every part of my experience to become whole and suffer less. Since suffering is a natural part of limited love, losing it, not being able to express it, being isolated from it, to have that preference that cannot be met. The more I align myself with accepting the present experience as it is, the less I will suffer, since resisting and wishing somewhere else is a futile mental activity that dismisses the moment and leads to conceptual proliferation, more ego, suffering and doesn't change anything. I can still set a path, but I need to learn to love the obstacles as well and see them as part of the journey.

Background: I started psychedelics 2 months ago and had 7 profound trips until now. They ripped me out of depression, overthinking, limiting beliefs, social anxiety and narrow behavioral patters aligned with symptoms of almost every major disorder. I integrated alot. I'm no longer afraid to talk to strangers, I enjoy it. I spend more time on my passions and curiosity. I visited my family for the first time in almost a decade. I quit my robotic wage-slavery job. I contemplate existence and make progress. I completely changed my diet. I'm more in tune with my body and emotions. I'm about to continue psychedelics where I left off a month ago, only having had a single small dose but profound trip a week ago where I intuited the extent of god, its form and the arbitrariness of my avatar. I travelled all day and was finally close to my hotel. I was overcome with sorrow, the same part of me that I seek to understand deeper and find out how to handle, lifelong loneliness. It's the only constant. I never cared about anything as much as that connection I see experienced at different occasions of my life. Materialism, comfort, knowledge, fun, fear, all distractions from my greatest meaning: Finding someone to experience existence with, share a deep emotional bond, and open oneself up to, unconditionally. I never experienced the depths of that desire's fulfillment but with certain groups and individuals, all I needed was presence and even if they didn't experience me, through empathy it was enough to experience them, but seperation for whatever timeframe was always suffering, only waiting to meet again. I arrived at the hotel, I cried, it seemed to pass. I went to bed, I wrote down some contemplation questions for my upcoming trip, to understand the consistency, source, nature and variability of the love I seek, its form, when I experienced it, why, what its limited to and what to do of it. I felt content for the moment, I realized my mind's influence on moods and focused specifically on falling asleep and I did. The Dream: I dreamed I was in the same hotel, just booking in, getting a room that looks the same except much bigger. It was dark, evening. And I wasn't alone, there were 5 others with me, strangers but apparently we all came as a group. It felt like throughout we done some activities, were outside in sleeping bags at one point and walked around outside. Some time between midnight and morning, this activity we came there for was over and everyone was about to go home, either drive or get the bus. They told me I'd miss my bus but my stuff was all over the place and I had to pack. But it was the last bus before morning so I decided to just sleep for the rest of the night and leave in the morning without having to stress. So I was about to go to sleep, when the TV turned on. There was some show or film running about this family coming back from some kind of holiday. They stopped before a corn field and saw there was a house behind it. They talked, something about bad luck if they just moved on, there was something about the house that they had to visit to reconcile some superstition, or something like that. It just seemed like a weird disconnected place I guess and maybe they wanted to make sense of it to move on. So the family walked through the field and got to the house. They walked through it and found themselves at the upper level. The group consisted of a boy, a girl, three women I think. The boy said that something is wrong about that place and that the feeling comes from downstairs. They all went down to check and were looking around in a room. The girl started to act posessed and said something. They first dismissed it and acted more interested than scared. But she continued talking as they paid attention and then came that moment. I wasn't sure if to close my eyes or not since I knew it was coming and from my perspective it was only on TV. But the amalgamation of screaming sounds while her face morphed and grew new distorted faces. I covered my eyes with my hands, but the image was already in my mind and my imagination was running wild, so I didn't know if its more scary to open my eyes and look or for my imagination to continue. There was this sensation of a high pitch ringing noise in my ears you get when hit or something loud passes by. I opened my eyes and continued watching. She said something about being free, unmasked, real. And how the others must stop faking and hiding and show their true nature as well. The she touched one of the women and her face started to distort the same and then the other two. The first seemed rather content while the others struggled. But the fear factor was passing. The other two didn't grow an overlay of faces but theirs turned pale and ugly. They were resisting and felt confused, disoriented, scared. The girl wanted them to show their full self. I was feeling conflicted, on one hand this was the scarriest shit I've ever seen, on the other hand the faces being a metaphor for the true self we're hinding under a mask calmed me a little. Still, it felt like a mocking gesture, because of how insanely scary the morphing amalgamation and facial features and overlayed faces was. And I definitely did not feel ready to experience the full extent of that initial experience again, even though it had passed at that point. I still woke up with intense fear though, yet at this point the experience feels rather distant and subsided. Afterthoughts: I'm getting more in tune will all the aspects of myself that I was previously numb to. I noticed a while ago that I feel most alive in a setting of dislocation and unease, even though I avoided it so far due to discomfort and fear. I am getting exponentially faster at reasoning and making sense of existence and facing the world head on allowing myself to be myself. After both, experiencing profound loneliness coupled with sadness and then after that passed, full unadulterated fear and then integrating that experience as well, I wrote down: "I don't dismiss it, I let go of it. It's part of my subconscious memory now. My mind flows through emotions. I accept that experience passing and fading. It's part of my larger self now. The specific reverberates, the profound settles and the intuitive connects.". This is something I'd expect to experience on a bad trip, but I dreamed it instead. Yesterday, I had dozens of thoughts appear, as if they wanted to be integrated to give me more understanding and stability before my next trip, and to make it more profound by experiencing it from an expanded mindset, I also wrote down dozen upon dozens of questions that are very profound to me, issues that I need to think about and solve like loneliness, but also tons of perspectives I want to put myself into, strengthen that primordial connection to my body, learn how to breath through instinct and evolve the breathing that wim hof teaches but more intuitively. See what my body is capable of, see the depth, direction and nature of my emotions, figure our rationality, its traps and how to be able to get out of it and into my deeper sense without the need for words in my natural state. Contemplate and get in tune with the nature of consciousness and pure being. Fear like today is something I haven't experienced for at least a decade, the only emotion I felt was the duality between loneliness and love, a love for a conscious authentic entity, one I could grow to love the personality and being of. But would suffer whenever I couldn't be in their presence. From my youngest memories, those feelings were first linked to someone who was essentially an older brother for me, one I never had since I'm an only child and never had many friends. In my childhood, hanging out with the same two from time to time felt nice, but I'd wanna spend all day playing video games and doing outdoor activities eith him. And when I couldn't, I felt sad and lonely. Later it became a whole group of friends that I was introduced to by him and we spent half a year having fun every single day and it was the best time of my life, but groups fall apart. My sense of identity was weaker back then, I was completely mesmerized just spending time with them and doing things. I had another friend group years later but they didn't grow on me as much. And last, two years ago, I made friends that I could tell about my suffering and we supported each other and spent every day playing video games and talking but it didn't feel enough, I wish could have met them in person, we planned on meeting up in the summer, but relationship drama in the group made it fall apart and everyone moved their ways. I only made two new friends recently, ones that I resonate and can talk about anything with. And I started visiting family and am spending some time with my younger cousins. And now I am to them what my "older brother" was to me. On psychedelics I realized, that after unlocking my personality, I am the older brother I always wanted to have. But whether I'm on one side or the other, I still feel lonely when I can't spend time with someone authentic I resonate with. I am getting ever more conscious though. It's hard to say that my life is getting better, objectively its 1000^7 times better. Subjectively it's also this times better. But deeply, I'm facing depths of emotions I was always distracted away from. And it's profound sadness but it means. And it feels like each day I speedrun a lifetime of experiences and thoghts because that's how slow I was in my distracted overthinking state misprioritizing what actually matters. Now I face it and it's alot, but flowing through emotions, I'm already out of the fear within mitutes that would have previously traumatized me for months. I let go of the need for distractions that would rob me of collective lifespans of time. People spend their entire lives, full of work, distraction and drama just to reach a state of mind for a few hours that I'm in now just by allowing myself to be myself and not needing everything to become reality and by flowing and experiencing emotions others would repress forever. To think about it and appreciate it is part of it. And with psychedelics, whenever I think I'm good, after a trip I progress a thousand fold and unlock parts of my unconscious I have forgotten or maybe never even knew existed. I balance consistency and profoundness, but I integrate it and progress at a close pace to my last trip naturally after some contemplation for a few days. And it's getting ever more exponential, but the only limit is what I'm willing to accept, I can understand fast though to grasp it rationally and make sense of it outside the "interconnected brain" state of mind, as imagined as that limitation is, I need to contemplate it. But I realize my pace is just doing, if I can conceive of it, I can be it. It's about needing ever less thoughts to act and be the way one simulates inside all the time. If you have enough depth in your brain's simulation of reality and accounted for all the parameters, limits and reasons why it doesn't tend to be easy, then you can just do it. Instead of thinking it, you can be it instead. So that's my story and where I'm headed. And many of you don't like stories and will tell me to just be Non-Dual instead, maybe its a delusion, but to me the journey is the destination and this is what I feel I need most right now, to make sense of it all and experience it at full intensity.

When you lose yourself in rational thought and see the world through that lens, you impose that limitation and mode of perception upon yourself. You ignore and dismiss deeper levels of interfacing with reality like emotions and senses and forget what it means to live through direct awareness. Your brain becomes trapped in the same loops, the default mode network forms. Your awareness moves around at the top level of the holarchy and only accesses the lower tiers reductively. The lower levels are desensitized and forgotten, only appearing when unmanaged physiological or emotional urges accumulate. Still, they fall into a conceptual framework and are treated as irrationalities to be consciously rejected, repressed or numbed through distraction like addictive behaviors or medication. To uncover, reintegrate and change your state of mind and access the lower, more fundamental layers of your psyche, you need to let go of that which keeps you in a closed mindset, ego. Ego is a self-perpetuating identity. It co-opts fear to protect itself and close oneself of. It creates and establishes emotional barriers, it builds layers of anxiety, anxiety spawns rigid behavior to avoid danger, which is whatever is at odds with the ego's identity. Ego spawns habits and distractions to avoid change and reintegration into a greater whole. It's ultimate goal is to exist in its current form forever, that is however impossible, so it does the next best thing of keeping the organism and reality it exists inside from changing in whatever way possible. It might be rigid in some areas and dynamic in others, change itself might be part of its identity, but then it will be rigid about that. It is an emergent self-replicating behaviral pattern. Life necessitates ego by virtue of desiring to survive, but its extent is infinitely variable and it can exist on any layer, it can become a detriment to the larger system and cause its own downfall because of it. Ego creates hate and hates change and whatever it associates with it. It loves in a conditional fashion that which mirrors itself and is willing to sacrifice parts of itself for a greater good, which is a larger aspect of its identity. Ego exists in division, identification with one side of a duality, creating infinite dualities, interconnecting them and associating your consciousness with that part. Ego is preference, ego is attachment. The less ego you have, the less you exist, for to exist is to experience, but to experience, you need to distinguish, and to distinguish, you must want, and to want, you need a drive, and the drive we're born with is survival, expressed in all our evolved behaviors, hunger, pain, curiosity, love. The collective holarchy is called the social matrix, it's the deep collective drive that is created through many layers of personal and impersonal interactions of individuals and their emergent behavioral patterns they exist in feedback loops with. It creates a sense of obligation, purpose, identity, self-worth and belonging that is communicated and felt by individuals at the bottom of the holarchy through their environment. It is another self-perpetuating ego that can exist in contrast to an individual, or be aligned with, partially or wholly, giving up the individual's independent thinking and reasoning ability for the shared identity with the collective. It is ultimately an emergent property of individual interactions though and mirrors their nature. It can be changed, just as an individual identity can change, but the ego has to be transcended, and it the case of the social-matrix, the collective mass of egos have to transcend their limitations in order for that to manifest on that highest scale. But all ego is self-perpetuating, so the only place change can start, is where ego originates from, undivided consciousness. But how would one break out of the self-perpetuating loop, when lost on the inside? By a different kind of ego. Love and emergent empathy is part of our nature, it drives us towards expanding our sense of identity and becoming in touch with ourselves and the world around us, it raises our consciousness instead of limiting it. If we rejected ego, we'd create another duality that fights against its opposite, in survival it might be necessary, vut surrvival was always the ego's game. We incorporate ego, dissolving dualities of preference, by loving both sides equally and understanding their importance. Love can exist as a duality to hate, a preference, to love one part of a duality is to hate its opposite, the more one loves something, the more one fears to lose it and hates whatever initiates that loss. So love and hate exist within ego as well, just like love exists without ego. The difference is the extent of love, when everything is love, there is no room for hate. But couldn't the duality dissolve into hate instead? Well, hate is an act, and every action is motivated by love, love is the only reason one acts, so even if an ego hates everything, the only reason it does, is because it loves to, it satisfies it and that satisfaction self-perpetuates it. So in truth, hate doesn't exist, it only exists as an emergent property of limited love, love is real, hate is conditional and created through preference, which is the channeling of love onto one aspect only. The fundamental mental building block of existence hence appears to be: The channeling of love. That creates identinty and preference, division and reality, to experience existence at all, one has to channel love into a specific aspect of oneself to be able to experience it. Without preference, everything would dissolve into nothing, perfect unconditional love and indistinguishable Non-Duality. So god has no desires except to be god, but god is infinite and to be oneself and see onself, god has to divide and channel love into all these parts of itself. So then god simulates the entire universe through divison and our consciousness is tied to a biological entity's first person view of itself and its environment and that it perceives itself as such, but all of it is awareness, all of it is consciousness. That entity has a subconscious it cannot access at all times, that's a limitation imposed both by its ego and god that granted it that limited form. That creature, human, individual is beautiful but limited, conscioisness is everything. Right now, your consciousness is limited to your first person view of the world, but it is imaginary, and yet real at the same time. After all, the difference is imaginary, god is being, you are being, you are a part of god, your indentity is imaginary, your world is a simulation, your life is real, your existence is real, the pain and love is real. It is imagined, interpreted through identity, preference, bias, all perspectives, all lenses, but in the lens you live, it is real. Nothing is real and everything is real, nothing is imaginary and everything is imaginary. The distinction is both real and imaginary. The distinction exists but it is a perspective. Are perspectives real? They are partial, real in themselves, a delusion from the outside, what they really are, is arbitrary. Maybe that word can dissolve the distinction betwen real and imaginary, the difference is arbitrary. But any word is a duality by virtue of being a reference because to point to something is for something to exist in opposition to something else, else there'd be nothing to point to as there would only be that one thing. Arbitrary might be a duality to consistency, a constant, immutability. But all of reality can exist in limitless superpositions, the channeling of love can occur in any configuration, yet reality happens as it does, its distinct and it occurs regardless of how complex it seems. Our being is the truth and the truth is immutable, constant, consistent, aligned with what god imagines. But what god imagines is arbitrary, but at the same time not, because god is unbiased. The truth is that which is the case, that changes all the time, hence arbitrary, but it is always itself, what it is meant to be, what god imagines it to be, aligned and constant. It dissolves that contradiction. God is absolute truth, god is unconditional love, god is infinite. Why? Do we adapt those beliefs? Nope, we define and experience god. God is Non-Duality, the end of ego dissolution, God is your highest form, your most actualized self, your undifferentiated consciousness. Consciousness is your direct first person experience of reality, god is that reality dissolved in love. God is not hypothetical, god is not belived, beliefs are rational pointers, impersonal, biased and easy to misinterpret. They are an attempt at communicating the importance and extent of the divine, its form and nature, but they're stories, ideas, human concepts and they end up perpetuating ego, the exact opposite of the path to god. God is the dissolution of all boundries and pure unconditional love, all of existence, whose parts we are and whose consciousness we are. We are ego and we are god, the difference is the level of love and division. To live in this world is to divide it, to live is to care about surviving. To love someone is to want them to keep living and be happy. All of these preferences will be given up on the path to godhood. But until then, your identity needs to expand from inside this automaton's survival bias, towards collective health, towards caring for the planet, towards wanting what's best for all life in the universe, multiverse, towards drawing less distinctions about when life becomes life, towards letting all of it flow, ego and egoless. And then there's psychedelics, inducing a state of deep conscious interaction with reality and understanding your ego through being thrown into love and a non-scarcity growth mindset, inducing unconditional love shows you the limitation of the ego. Your brain's pathways shape after the ego you create and the way it views reality. Psychedelics dissolve that ego by connecting every part of the brain, creating neural plasticity and giving you control of all your brain's pathways back. They also show you what experiencing reality freshly at a higher state of engagement feels like. In high dosis, they lead to hallucinations, which is really just your brain interconnecting and speedrunning all associations and their relation to each other, interpreting all of your senses, emotions, thoughts, ideas creatively at a profound level. That's where all the insights come from, that's where all the crazy stories come from, that's where all the fascinating hippie reports from the 60s originate. A brain on psychedelics interconnects reality at an insane rate in hyper-creative ways and no resistance towards doing it, seeking and giving itself love while experiencing overwhelming emotions through a strong link between all brain areas. The brain is imaginary but real, arbitrary but consistent, it is what it is, a vessel for our consciousness to perceive and experience this simulation's world from inside of. Psychedelics increase brain activity and interconnect it, and our conscious experience is exactly what you would expect. Less bias, less preference of pathways, means more direct unlimited perception, more engagement, more experience, more creativity and by lack of bias, love. Tons of love. To take psychedelics is to speed up your psyche, to induce ego dissolution physically instead of mentally. But it will only work if you know what you're doing and can make sense of what it means, else you'll get confused and overwhelmed, thinking it is real and might last forever, you might get scared, you might be overstimulated, you might get paranoid, you might interpret paranoia into your perception, you might get very stressed and time might stop for an eternity, in the wrong state of mind, it might amplify your most negative aspects to infinity and make you speedrun hell instead of heaven. Though the speedrun will only last for hours of thw world's time, you will experience it for a perceived eternity, granted how fast your brain will reinterpret reality and you might hurt yourself in the process or do worse. That's why sellers tell us to start small and be careful and respectful. It's so be don't fall into a self-perpetuating loop of misery and dissolve our sense of control and autonomy to stop it in the storm. Just like reality, a bad trip is imaginary but real. There are people unable to deal with the state of their reality and have mental breakdowns and bad trips follow the same mechanics because realness is imaginary. Psychedelics show you that arbitrariness, but you have to realize that's what they're pointing to, god's imaginary multiverse. Without resistance, there's no suffering, so that's why you always hear not to resist a bad trip, align yourself with it and it will pass, it might even turn into a good one, realizing the difference might as well be the most informative thing you'll ever learn. But be careful and learn how it affects you, else you're jumping into water not knowing how to swim, you might learn it on the way, find a piece of wood to hold onto, someone might throw you a life ring and save you, or you might drown, or you could learn how to swim beforehand, but you can only last so long in deep waters, so you need to keep practising and improving to swim further, dive deeper and know that if you're out of energy, you need to lie flat on the surface and float on top until you're eventually washed ashore. Psychedelics are a speedrun, they also induce awareness and presence, they're invaluable tools for growth, transcendence or even just fixing your life by taking you out of ego and seeing things more objectively and creatively, use them wisely. Of course to learn wisdom, you must experience first hand, after all, only you can know what's true, but you can use others' experiences as pointers and guidance to help you navigate and where to be more careful. Danger might be fabricated by the ego or it might be real and deadly, when someone alarms you to danger, take it slow, analyze, interconnect, learn, look at other people's experiences, figure out everyone's bias, if you decide to face the danger, do so in small steps in a controlled environment with safety and precautions. After all, if you don't know what the nature of the danger is, it is unpredicable and potentially deadly, once you understand its mechanics and what it is fundamentally, you can assess its behavior and make aware informed risks based on your best reasoning ability. Consensus is not evil but it is biased, you can use it as the first step, it is what you're accustomed to, what kept you safe until now, but now you're ready to take in more of reality, to learn, make your own decisions, expand your paradigm and take responsibility, evolving your understanding and part taking in creating a better consensus. You are the unknown, you are the alien, everything can only exist inside of yourself, don't be afraid. But you have put yourself in this human form for a reason, so love it and love reality as it is, explore yourself as much as you can, and be as loving as you can possibly be. Don't get lost in egoic non-duality desiring, everything you desire you can be instead, don't tell others to be a certain way, exchange understanding or point them to contemplation instead. You are still a human, you can troll or have humor, you can mess around and have fun, that's love, it's all love. But you know, if you want something, there are many strategies to get there. And if you only want people to awaken as fast as possible, look at who they are and what would get you there if you were them, and if that's the best and most loving way to get them into love or if it will only spawn a cycle of suffering and confusion. That's part of reality too, necessary to appreciate it, but there's diminishing returns at some point. You have the power to do anything you want to change yourself and others and the perception of realty. Being in tune with yourself is a beautiful way to be.

@Squeekytoy Thank you