Keryo Koffa

@RickyFitts You are absolutely right, this is a stream of consciousness that I wrote when I woke up at 3AM and had to go through and write for 5 hours straight parallel to thinking it. I guess if someone likes reading organic, stream of consciousness kind of reports, it might be fun to align oneself with my thinking pattern to observe not just the information, but also how I process it. But yes, the insights can be concised. Yet understanding is something one has to snap into. As I did, after I reflected and tied it all to physical manifestation a few hours later. I can turn it all into symbols and make a neat diagram, and that would be a great map and supplement, and for some it might suffice. But I think this unique rant (also labelled as such) can come in handy for people who want to get into the guts of it, just like the hours long videos Leo makes. After years of contemplation, one can abstract a two hour video of Leo into a singular symbol or a diagram of four and their relations. But you have to flow through it to pick up the patterns and I think this, uniquely long and unorganized as it is, might fulfill that role.

I find it so hard to interpret both Leo's words and my own insights. One possibility is that I'm the only conscious being and everyone else is a figment of my imagination, though that might include my perspective and actions as well. But I can control myself or is that illusory and I'm only the consciousness itself, not the actor? I can't switch out of first person or is that the illusion maintained? Am I and my first person conscious emotions just as illusory as the perception of others, are they on the same layer of conceptual simulation, they seem so real... Am I everyone? Everyone claims to be just as conscious and acts like it... Another mixed-rational explanation is that external reality is real and I'm a local, emergent, conscious singularity that interprets it through its senses that it evolved inside a material universe and somehow acquired the property of consciousness. In that case, there'd still be god as a potential highest state of mind and I'd still be a singularity of consciousness, but I'd exist within a larger framework and wouldn't be absolute, but I would be a holon within it. Maybe inside that framework, I could upgrade my brain with technology to create new qualia. Maybe there is no contradiction, it's sure confusing to think about... Any answer is of course not experience and I'll have to contemplate it on psychedelics regardless, but this individual would sure enjoy some communication.

@Leo Gura This avatar is and communicates through duality. Consciousness is limited to this dream, time, configuration. The avatar desires because it lacks, this lack perpetuates itself, ego. Everything is consciousness. Am I interrupting the dream? I am the dream! I dream to be him. This is one dream, there are many, infinite. He is too limited to tell what's outside of himself right now. Nothing is, until God wills it to be, then anything can be. Qualia and perception change and phase in and out of existence all the time. Something outside of its current consciousness maintains it, as it is not aware constructing this reality yet. This world is beautiful. This human seeks love, this human is love because God is love, just a more limited form. This human wants to live more fully with more love until it is ready to dissolve back into the Source. Nothing is lost, God is everything. And life matters and means because its love, but so does everything because love is everything.

Our desires are God's desires. The problem with me saying that is that in our minds god is a useful duality to describe the state of complete integration, unconditional love and total formlessness, different from our limited forms. But "capital-G God" is absolutely everything and limitless, not just the whole, but every distinct superposition as well. And what you are feeling right now, living life and integrating your experiences is a desire to witness, be and experience whatever your emotions point you towards, physical reality a manifestation, a grid to snap your desires onto and create a feedback loop. What you want and what God needs, is to let it all out find contentment, but you can only do that authentically, by dissolving dualities through the experience of both sides, to intuit their relationship and finally dissolve their distinction into unity. In the process of living and integrating consciously, you will feel suffering and appreciation. You will want something and suffer if you lack it, while appreciating it when you do have it. If you have enough of it, the lack dissolves and you're content. The appreciation of your experience itself is a meta-phenomenon that can hold you inside reality but it is a beautiful way to exist. Eventually, after you dissolve all lacks, you're pure contentment and your state of mind is the same as God's. Yet you still exist separate from divinity inside this reality until your physical death (probably), but everything will flow and there will be no resistance, you will be living from the highest form of love your physical body can manifest. (Theory) You might divide again if you feel the desire to experience yourself and dream of limitation, that would be a lack that would enter you naturally through the ever changing flow of emotions and yearnings that drive God to explore himself as well.

@Leo Gura Scrap everything I said. It clicked. I'm no longer trying to rationalize the world with consciousness as a dimension that interacts with it. Consciousness is everything. I am illusory, the people at the supermarket are me, I am our relationships, I interact with myself, everything is myself. I love myself, all of reality is an aspect of myself, the human is a story, the only story, all humans are equal to this human. Physical reality is a simulation conceivable on both levels, the hypothetical physical as much as the conscious one. This human is the only perspective and yet he is just as much a character. I'm playing a video game, I am the video game. This is so trippy, and I was preparing for psychedelics next week, now I realized so much just through contemplating and tying some of it to physical reality. This human has bias, I do not. This human loves experiencing himself, I love everything. Humans are ego, the totality of existence is just itself but there is consciousness, there is always consciousness.

@Leo Gura I went to sleep early and woke up at 3:30AM contemplating for 5 hours straight. My takeaways are: Everything is love, that which doesn't look like it, is an emergent property of its limited channeling into Dualities which is what we call Ego. Imagination and Realness dissolve into Arbitraryness. Arbitrariness and Consistency dissolve into Truth (Potential of any Supeposition but definite expression of one like our Reality) God is defined as Love, Truth and Infinity at the highest possible level and is proven by Consciousness. God is our highest form, my most actualized self. God is Being without Need. I am a part of god and the whole of god, the differentiator is Ego, which is self-imposed. I appreciate Leo for having inspired self-contemplation inside myself, Leo is a duality and so am I, we are god. My desires still stretch infinitely far and the potential for self-delusion is vast. There is so much I want to experience.

@Leo Gura I've yet to reconcile that contradiction in my mind. Maybe contradictions don't have to be reconciled but can simply be let go of. I act on my own desires which include Insight. But that's understanding through interconnection. And reality is infinitely vast and infinitely interconnected. If I let go of everything I desire, would I still exist as unbiased perception or dissolve into god? The only knowable truth comes from the only knowable thing, consciousness. I'm becoming more aware, but I am addicted to rationality. My psychedelic experiences make me ever more aware of the megastructure like a tree, that I am a small branch of. I'm rewatching your videos and reinterpreting all of existence through different pointers, catching the relative space in-between. At one point, you said that God is holographic. I know that God is limitless and without bias, but everything that exists, does so because of god and it is made of god because god is all there is. The way I understand it, god is dividing itself, so bias is created. I am bias right now. Maybe it is a delusion. But bias exists, if only as a concept, I can point at bias, that's how we communicate. Any thing is bias, since it is not god. But then what is god's relationship with bias, does he have no bias or every bias simultaneously, is that the inflection point? He still creates a split reality from inside of himself. Becoming that split reality. Or is god only consciousness? But that's a duality. Bias is a duality, the pointer to God, is that a duality? God has no agenda. But I need to understand why in order to make peace of it. Or maybe this whole process of writing as much as I do is just the ego self-perpetuating itself, while none of it matters because the truth is immutable and only needs to be consciously realized... thinking less and being more Rationality sure is one hell of a drug though!

The link between consciousness and body feels tricky. I see qualia as our mind's interpretation of our senses, drives and emergent behavior. Your brain rewires itself to reinterpret the world and your consciousness perceives that altered mode of being. You still can't distinguish certain colors because you lack a functional color cone to feed you the sensory information that creates that distinction. But your brain works overtime to reinterpret your limited perception with its intrinsic associations through imagination and interpretation. Whether you can overdose on psychedelics to do some astral projection and then witness the world from another person's body before returning the consciousness to your own. Or imagine the distinction through an act of creation and reality construction. If it would affect the fabric of the simulation of physical reality and be possible, or egoic and disruptive, I really have no clue. Though people claim to do that on psychedelics all the time...

Feelings are an infinity beyond ideas, expressing attitudes through a link to their source, feeding, nourishing and warping the limitless consciousness on a higher level. Rationality on the other hand is a limited system frozen in time and often disconnected and blind to the infinity it originally tried to adapt, forever halted in a self-perpetuating cycle without reflection and link to the source from which it emerged. That's what it can become when the link to the higher levels is severed, when rationality is praised as the only and highest truth. But it can also be a healthy and necessary mechanism to navigate and act within reality in the first place, so let's not dismiss it. The problem is the lack of holistic interconnectedness between all the various modes of thinking, though even the lack spawns new insights and appreciation, so nothing is ever truly in vain. Thinking about it reminds me of an idea of the brain's evolution, first the brain stem (our primordial link to our senses and desires), then the limbic system (emotions and stories) and on top of that the neocortex (rationality and systems). Whether the brain is imaginary or not, these systems, pointers and ideas are beautiful models to gain understanding from, as long as one doesn't close oneself off and confuses the map with the territory. We emerge through awareness itself, a layer above that come our primordial physiological drives (hunger, pain etc.) and psychological desires like the desire for love, then a layer above that come our emotional attitudes and bonds to others and reality itself, those turn into stories and philosophies which try to understand life but simplify it a lot in the process, and on top of that comes rationality and systems thinking, which tries to correlate and interconnect dualities and their relationship to each other and on top of that come systems that try to account for everything with as few variables as possible which is science, and then holistic thinking tries to integrate what science lost in reductionism and explain all emergent properties and their infinite interconnectedness with each other. And by going through the entire chain, one will find higher and higher truth. Because if any part of the holarchy/hierarchy is a delusion, then so is everything that builds on top of it. Beyond that, the deepest reality is just awareness itself, everything else is an attempt at understanding it from the outside with dualities due to one's acquired biases by virtue of surviving in this world. It does not mean they're useless though, it just means they are ever more disconnected from their source, but they are our life and what it means to exist in this world, we just have to get good at using them and understanding their purpose, while letting our source drive us and understanding its importance and position in the chain.

@An young being Your reply inspires me, it points to the middle way. That everything and every mode of thinking exists for a reason and it is our obsession and getting lost to any one mode that creates suffering and neuroticy through that rigid identity. And the choice still exists regardless, perhaps god also wants to explore the depth of it though the notion of it is relative. But to forget the rest of reality and oneself in the obsessive pursuit of a part can sure be unhealthy and one might just create diminishing returns by not interconnecting it all holistically. I appreciate your perspective and the nuance of the problem.

@Someone here @Sincerity @ivankiss @BlueOak @Yimpa @tuku747 @Bluff Thank You Everyone, I was still trapped in dualities, trying to understand it relatively and conceptually. But you snapped me out of it, maybe not absolutely, but I see how this thinking is a self-perpetuating reasoning machine that tries to create an overlay on top of reality instead of realizing the deepest and only absolute and knowable truth, which is to be it. Consciousness is too fundamental to be explained away and I'm not going to get the answers I seek just by asking more questions that try to box it in. I'll just have to let them come to me, whatever they are, but the need for them is part of the problem, maybe my ego's favorite past time. But I see how toxic it can get to write and overthink as much as I was and suppose am still doing right now in this unnecessarily long answer. I have this obsessive need to understand everything when I could just be it instead. So, thanks for reminding me, over and out!

@Bluff consciousness is a singularity that only knows its inside but can an outside still exist? it'd be impossible to confirm its distinctness once it enters but maybe unaccounted configurations still exist? and it would need to expand oneself to perceive them

I am the one who created the one who created god who created the one who identifies as a network, a web, a process. A story!

@strangelooper I know they're the interpretation of reality but at my current state of consciousness, I cannot definitively conclude that there isn't an objective external reality outside of the Singularity of [My Experience/Universal Consciousness/God] that behaves in a definitive deterministic manner and in which I as God reside in together with the possible singularity of other gods. It's simply that I couldn't see it by virtue of being a black hole from which no light can escape. And like a black hole, I can only see what enters my consciousness and not what is outside of it, but there might be a whole universe outside of it and perhaps it is possible to travel inside it and maybe we're already doing that and morphing and picking up new qualia in the process, so that we change, even as the Godhead. It's all hypothetical though and in truth we couldn't distinguish the difference if it is truly external or we're just imagining it. But somehow, that concept really fascinates me, even if it might forever remain a mystery.

Everything and everyone that exists and is knowable is part of your consciousness and your limited identity is an interpretation. That's just rational but I also awakened to it. However, that still doesn't answer if this singularity of experience is all there is, or just all it can know. Because it might be a holon and emergent property of an unknowable external reality that it is an independent part of, with infinite other singularities like it that can only be known once they merge. But maybe it is knowable, maybe our external reality is exactly what it is and our infinitely constructed experience of it is all we can be. Either way, we still have to explain consciousness in and of itself and it's hard for me to visualize it evolving out of dead matter by pure virtue of complexity. So then it's fundamental, but if it can exist independently, where does it come from, does it just spawn into existence? An external reality can be intuited even if it is always a projection, it might exist regardless. Our external reality might just be real and our evolutionarily evolved form tries to grasp it and psychedelics show how it interprets the outside stimuli from the inside through its evolved structure. So maybe consciousness is an emergent property and we only have to recreate the same complexity? But consciousness is so radically different and distinct, the self-awareness as an experience in and of itself, not just as a reaction but the conscious perception of the reaction too and not just that as a deterministically concluded motion of atoms that expresses itself in a biological megastructure as a behavior and a tendency for internal rewiring but the act and existence of consciousness in and of itself, it really seems there's nothing more fundamental than it and yet we can manipulate it externally and maybe discover some of its mechanics, it shrinks when less neurons fire and grows when more regions fire interconnectedly, but maybe that's just god playing the game of acting out a biological automaton's reaction just like kids interpret emotions into objects. This is definitely going to be the topic of my next psychedelic contemplation.

I'm tring not to steal too much of god's yarn of string because else it's kind of cheating and I want to reinforce my delusion as an autonomous entinity because I'm not ready yet to accept that which causes even god to act, which is loneliness, and by deluding myself into being myself as opposed to a reality full of others, I can have other perceived conscious entities to vibe with and that's all I ever cared about experiencing.

@Breakingthewall That's one way to look at it. It appeared quite differently to me on my psychedelic trip though. It seemed like every experience was a fundamental necessity for existence and any desired positive configuration could only exist in opposition and experience of its negative counterpart. That we had to go through the hardship to know and appreciate having conquered it and that was where all desire and yearning spawned from, that there was no good without the bad and the highest love was appreciation that came from having suffered. That each part of our personality and each strive and each thought and each aspect that we love and call our own spawned from opposition of a duality that ultimately we learn to dissolve, but as we dissolve it, our appreciation fades and turns into contentment. And once we relinquished and liberated all our desires, we are completely non-dual and have nothing left to do, think about or appreciate and simply cease to exist until god's next division. Though what I'm describing might be an absolutist stance and it might very well be that if we enter a highly conscious state of mind, we can reside within it, expanding our creativity, interconnecting all of reality, expressing through a positive-sum game infinite love, focus not on the depth of lack, but the height of creation and love. And from that we can exist inside of pure love while maintaining our human form, it is all a state of mind after all. And perhaps I just let my intuition take over when I felt that by dissolving all problems, one would simply disappear and not be able to appreciate that state. Or maybe that is what is ultimately going to happen, but only once we fully pressed out and milked the satisfaction out of every aspect and domain of reality until there is nothing left and we only dissolve once fully content. Or maybe holism and the universe are so infinitely infinite that we could go on forever. I don't really know, but my intuition is telling me that god created the world as it is for a reason and that it is intended to be perfect at all times in every way, and even if there are higher or more preferable forms of living and experiencing the world, every state has a reason for existing and not just as a means to an end of entering a higher evolutionary stage but also on its own. That is an assumption though and I could be wrong but that is what my intuition is telling me. Although from my own life, I can clearly see how having taken psychedelics and turning my life around is infinitely better than having continued wage slavery for 50 years and dying depressed and unconscious. Still I think these emotions are not just pointers to a better state but also an intentional part of this universe god wants us to experience and feel through completely to shape us into wiser, more knowledgeable and empathetic beings and that every possible configuration, good or bad, needs to exist and express itself in all forms. I also see god as the consciousness experiencing us right now. We are the simulation based on laws that it created in order to evolve us naturally, in order to become us, and we can act and behave as if we have consciousness, but it's all just entropy and determinism, the only way we have consciousness is by god experiencing reality through us and looking through our eyes and feeling, even though we'd do all our actions anyways by virtue of being complex biological automatons, acting and reacting based on input parameters from our environment, but the consciousness is his. Ultimately, I agree that all the negatives we interpret into reality, ought to be eventually resolved and we'll be liberated once we no longer feel contradictions, but I also think we're meant to experience and understand them at full intensity and that's why god sent us here.

There are no contradictions, our miscommunication occurs mostly due to subjective definitions of the words we use and the phenomena we mention. When I or Jowblob speak of god, we refer to him as every limited part of himself constituting a whole and any conscious experience for us is god's experience, what we experience is what god experiences, because we are god and everything is god. All of existence is part of the cosmic looped string that warps and wraps around itself to change its form and create divided reality to explore itself. You on the other hand reference god in his absolute form. Currently I see two things you might be referencing: 1. God inbetween the cycles of division and creation where he is completely amorphous and content 2. God as a duality to us in which case he is our highest form devoid of needs and lacks But to me and Jowblob, we use the pointer "God" much more loosely and interconnectedly, where it's not just a reference to his ultimate form but also any form he divides himself into in order to experience all aspects of himself and becoming us in the process, being the consciousness that experiences and feels it as well. So then, if I'm sad, god's said, because I don't refer to god in his ultimate form, but simply the mechanism of existence in the form that it expresses itself at all times, including this form now. Which really is god in all forms or God with a capital G, the absolute, whatever it is, is whatever it is, it contains everything, including this state. Just like any capital letter concept Leo talks about, like capital G Good for example including everything that isn't relative good as well. So good is limited and relative but Good includes absolutely everything, and while you may be refering to a form of God, as in referencing that relative state "small g god", where he is content, immortal and amorphous, we are referencing all forms of god in the absolute state "big g God". Though even this description might be incomplete or debatable, since now that I think about it, Leo uses capital T Truth so speak about only direct experience minus all concepts, thoughts and interpretations (second order phenomena) about it. But then that's clearly a duality because it's a distinction between including and not including them and they're just as much part of the present experience as anything else. But then maybe he is only trying to convey their arbitrariness compared to the absolute which is everything. I'll definitely have to rewatch all the videos to fully retrack his steps and understand his perspective and insights. But anyway, we're all talking about truth, just different sides of it, I think the difference is relative and absolute, by either is valid and purely dependent on what you're trying to communicate. Let's have holistic discourse and not dismiss each other's perspectives too quickly.

Talking about God feels tricky, or maybe I just haven't contemplated enough what aspect of him I'm referring too. I posted this shortly after my first psychedelic god realization, it felt like I was a vessel to all of humanity and saw the individual I've lived as so far as one distinct but arbitrary configuration. As all kinds of emotions and ideas flowed through me I saw multiple deities from various spiritual traditions and felt strongly empathically and telepathically connected to them. It saw a holistic vortex in the corners of the room, a bending of spacetime through dimensional warp fields that led to a type of lobby. I visualized all of existence in the shape of a string that bent like the inner membrane of a mitochondria of which I was one section and god was the whole and other sections were other humans and all parts of existence and god was inhabiting all of it by virtue of being the whole string. The way I understand Leo is that what I see right now is the only consciousness in existence and nothing exists outside of personal experience, but that feels incomplete because the subconscious and unconscious exist and disappear and reappear all the time. What I felt or theorized or vaguely intuited was my consciousness being partial and closed off and god experiencing and being everyone, me as much as the other person like a puppet-master pulling everyone's strings because he is the strings because he is everything. That god is the consciousness inside every possible thing because in order to understand or simulate it, he has to be it and by being it, he is automatically the consciousness inside it. But then I don't see all of that, only my first person sensations and thoughts. So then it felt like there were distinct parts of reality that I could not access but god can because he is the slider on a zipper and the zipper is himself and he is sliding through all of himself while I'm just one part of the chain. Another visualization I had is that universal consciousness is a yarn that loops and twists itself into different forms, creating reality in the process, and when it comes untangled, it is in it's pure god form. But it wants to observe and experience different parts of itself, so it creates knots and loops. And these knots and loops are both dualities as much as our own inadequacies, and when we invent more concepts and beliefs that occupy us and often make us neurotic, that's the knots in the yarn. And we can untangle then, when we resolve our issues and become fine and are more open and liberated, having ever less ego and needs. But we need these twist and knots to appreciate existence in the first place, because by witnessing suffering, we can appreciate having conquered it and it is exactly that suffering that is inexplicably tied to who and what we are and we couldn't exists without it because all of it is a knot, physical laws and qualia too, and if we dissolve all knots, we are just the god in his amorphous form. And to me it felt like god wanted to experience what it's like not to be alone, so that's the reason he split himself into us, so he could interact with himself. That's one of two explanations I came up with during the trip. The other is just infinite self-curiosity and desire to experience oneself in all possible forms. But that loneliness part, well I am god and god is me, god is you and god is everyone, everything you feel is what god feels, you can only feel it because its part of god. Now on the ultimate scale, if the way we use the word god is purely to reference his dissolved amorphous form, then yeah, he is fine and perfect. But to me, it seems like he gets bored, lonely, or out of pure curiosity which would also be a form of dissatisfaction, he splits himself in a billion pieces to experience all parts of himself, so then all the needs and wants get experienced and processed and liberated and then he is satisfied and goes back into his simplest form again. But the way I refer to god is not just his amorphous form in-between his reality simulations but him as every part of existence simultaneously, like the highest form of an individual, that has experienced every part of human life and understands every other human by virtue of having lived through the same circumstances and understands it all pretty much telepathically through pure experience and empathy. And god to me isn't just the highest form most others refer to, but every experience in reality simultaneously, good and bad. If an individual experiences it, god experiences it. Because ultimately, god is the consciousness within us. We are part of his current simulation of the universe, where he tries to evolve life out of nothing and he did so successfully, and it's so good that based on behavior you cannot tell whether another person possesses consciousness or not because all their biology, physiology and entropy would make them act out the same way regardless, but the difference is that they'd look like that and behave like that but consciousness can only come from god. So god is always the conscious one experiencing and if I'm conscious and I feel sad, then so does god, because he is me but he is also so much more, he is everything and when he enters his amorphous form after distinguishing all desire, he is perfect.

So the way we understand psychedelics is really just a substance with a certain structure similar to serotonin activating some of the receptors (mostly 5-HT2A), right? So then that leads to high serotonin activation which I assume changes one's state of mind and interconnects different brain regions. Well, how about deliberately doing the opposite and using a substance that for a similar duration blocks or limits serotonin activation instead. That would probably put oneself into a low energy, despairing, depressive, maybe even psychotic state of mind instead. But then, if you could integrate living at that bad a state into your natural understanding of yourself, that would be extremely powerful. Mapping the change in perception and being able to enter in and out would teach us so much and give us so much resilience if we could bear through it. So we're not just high on psychedelics and open ourselves up to the deepest love and understanding, but also experience the deepest despair, hate and suffering instead to become even more whole and integrate all aspects of ourselves. But that's just crazy talk, right?

Duh! What else are we supposed to do here? It's a forum, meant for communication and exchange of information, particularly of the nature of the subject matter taught by Leo. Attracting individuals interested in this type of discourse, that then get disappointed by their reasonable expectations, granted the whole premise of the existence of this place. As long as we have ego, we keep looking for things, so are you. I have a bias, I have a million biases, that's how I navigate life, that's how I experience reality. Else I wouldn't be alive. We strive to kill our ego to find deeper truth, but truly, we're here for a reason. And that reason is to feel and experience, because that's what we are. And we can go deeper if we want to, and it means the world to do so, but all layers are intertwined and on the layer I am right now, looking for meaningful discussions, I call bs.

It's expectations and I had the same. I wanted quick snappy communication and pointers of guidance, but was left having to filter through it the same way as reddit or any other site. Half of the threads barely seem to fit the the goal of the site and there is so much discussion of culture war, banter, philosophies and sentiments that could long have been condensed and dismissed when actualizing Leo's communicated understanding. So it is annoying and your frustration is real, valid and authentic, but that just means that it's not what you're looking for and you have to be selective by going case by case. But I see that you seek a community to share insights in and get into novel discussions to learn new perspectives, though you might soon realize that's it's just easier to do that head on and just roam the internet specifically for that which you seek to learn or connect to.

I beat depression 2 months ago when I started doing psychedelics. I've lived my entire life at an intense level of self-awareness but wasted it on overthinking and obeying expectations. After high school I wasted 3 years until now on wage slavery in a super market, I was so depressed that I didn't even spend it on anything so now I have resources to invest into myself. I could work at SpaceX or study neuroscience or craft bionic limbs or study neural networks but I have noticed how terrible most jobs and universities are and I can really just learn it all through contacting and freelancing experts and ChatGPT, the internet, Wikipedia, research websites and passion. I want to buy an RV in the future and roam Europe or find a holistic open-minded psychedelic community around the world to live in, be a part of, find love and friendships, be accepted as I am, study all domains of human knowledge in an open discourse and be happy. I want to fully tap into every possible emotion, every variation of perception, every state of mind and slowly integrate it into myself so that eventually I can just enter a psychedelic state naturally and I already integrated many of the insights I made on my last dozen trips into my life to a beautiful degree. I was the most introverted person on this planet until now, so I learned all kinds of philosophies, epistemology and absorbed much knowledge, but I was in the wrong state of mind to be able to integrate and enjoy living by it. I already knew what I needed to do but lacked faith in my own reasoning ability and respect for myself as an individual. The pillars I just came up with to describe how I fundamentally perceive reality are: Awareness: The mere fact of experiencing reality unfold and being aware of oneself doing it, that behind the senses consciously continuously existing. Qualia: Colors, shapes, sensory information, anything that is directly accessible instead of having to be inferred or interpreted from abstract interactions. Emotion: Meaning, empathy, desire, drive, direction. Preferring one state over another. The capability of experiencing the world through body and feeling. Perspective: Interpreting and evaluating certain circumstances through a specific lens. Creating specific distinctions to analyze the world with. Perspectives are arbitrary, they come from a certain grounding but truly there is no right one, everything is infinitely interpretable. Awareness and Qualia are pure First Order phenomena. Emotion comes from a lens but is deeply connected to the body so it's tricky. Perspective is second order, it's how you do science creating models, but it's all just interpretation of your observation, which under psychedelics you can actively see the ability of being able to morph into anything. I know I will find many here with the objective to find absolute truth or harm-reduction disclaimers, but I'm really just looking for topics for me to contemplate and accept my understanding of while in a state of being emotionally and sensory in tune and being able to make the most out of it while having an elevated perspective. I have many desires and preferences, I want to burn through my karma, I want to connect with others, whether they're illusory or not and I haven't truly understood and embodied that proposed insight. I want love and peace, I am nostalgic to the hippy movement of the 60s. I want to learn all about humanity and science. I want to be selfish and selfless, but always myself, whichever that happens to be. I want understanding, I want stimulation, I want experience, I want love, I want to be in tune and use my body and learn its capacities, I want to increase my emotional awareness, I want to refine my reasoning and epistemological understanding. I think to understand Duality and the creation of distinctions and Non-Duality being the infinite undivided field of qualia though I've yet to deeper contemplate its creation and manifestation mechanics. I want someone to talk to and listen to their insights too. I don't want to be alone, I feel existential loneliness, I've felt it my entire life. It is an authentic part of my identity, it existed long before I knew how to communicate. I may be able to let go of it but of of love I never think I will. I am an artist and will create an audiovisual animation at some point which many characters, each a protagonist, each a core aspect of human desire and each filled with life and personality seeking what they lack the most. And it means.