Keryo Koffa

There's the initial conscious experience itself and then there's trying to break it apart to understand it in terms of universal laws by looking at it more closely. I have an intuition that every now and then, the extent of possible experience opens us through some kind of new event. That consciousness expands top-down or inside-out and a unique new qualia gets added, like a color chroma or mystical awareness. And then it integrates into and changes reality retroactively to be incorporated into the established paradigm of geometry/physics/math/energy exchange. It's like a quantum physics wave function collapse, only reacting when there is an observer and a unique experience expanding into being integrated with the universe in every dimension it is observed. If one listens, one will know what sound it makes, if one zooms in, one sees smaller portions, if one touches it, one feels the texture, but none of these initially exist, it was a purely new experience introducing a new dimension of actuality and in the process of observation integrating itself into all previously established frameworks to be perfectly compatible with experienced reality. And thinking about such new alien experiences I wonder about the top-down nature of consciousness and it justifying/modelling/creating more in depth experience like a fractal. It seems like our material scientific disciplines go biology -> chemistry -> physics -> math and end with mathematics making up the rules of reality and living in the information age, math seems so fundamental to everything and I just wonder, can consciousness just ignore it, be alogical, I mean sure, logic is just hindsight consistency explaining the correlation between conscious phenomena, consciousness makes up reality, creates unique qualia out of nothing, doesn't have limits, but it just feels so powerful to think about it for me, if it can just ignore, make up that which we consider the foundational building blocks of the universe, then there's no limit on how alien an experience can get, which fills me with fear and immeasurable excitement! like holy fuck is that cool I think that's what I needed to think about to get out of the old paradigm, consciousness just makes new shit up and trying to make sense of it, we invent science that measures correlation between all the stuff, it's just that I was lost in bottom up causation like math but there is no bottom only middle-through top-down inside-out conscious expansion into new dimensions creating artifacts... and that is so damn cool

@Princess Arabia I guess he means that the universe is locked into a specific human experience even if it isn't the human per se since its equally all surroundings, others, the world and cosmos and independent of the human in question. But at the same time it is experiencing that human being self-aware and thoughts popping up. And then maaaaybe on top of that it has control over the human like a puppet so it also is the human and needs to take care of that fact... I don't really know

I might hate sports events but still invite a buddy to a football match because he's really into it and I want to make him happy and show some appreciation to his interests, even if I don't share them, same with other relationships and activities . There might also be some exceptions with neurotic individuals loving others when they cannot love themselves and learning self-compassion in the process. There's also punching someone in self defense of course or stealing food when starving, though one can easily empathize with others doing the same at a little cost of one's suffering if in their shoe. Maintaining law and sentencing others is an act of responsibility but actually aligns with this rule well and proves it, as much as a surgeon operating on someone being uncomfortable being operated on oneself if necessary but certainly also wanting their life saved. The starting examples are just a small sliver of exceptions though and the rule is extremely helpful and highly meaningful 99% of the time, so take this as "the exception proves the rule". This is really just contemplation, not critique and I like this Golden Rule a lot. What I do wanna criticize is just below. What about self defense, constructive feedback, making them aware if they're hurting others, any communication that tries to make them aware of shortsightedness or self-destructive tendencies, being honest about one's feelings when a relationship isn't working out, staying by their side when they're depressed, get angry and are pushing you away, balanced parenting that teaches children about negative experiences to prevent greater suffering later, fulfilling the role of a teacher or mentor that pushes them out of their comfort zone, having a tough conversation about dangerous life decisions, anything that is painful or difficult for the ego in the moment but leads to more freedom and appreciation later, setting boundaries even if it's uncomfortable for the other party or one's children and teaching them about the consequences of their actions, the police upholding the law, the court of justice punishing crimes, playing sports and winning while the other one loses, doing effective therapy, or simply expressing varying opinions I feel like I'm strawmanning with this one but the wording seems unfortunate to me, I'd replace "think and speak" for "advocate for and encourage", else it leads to the following: I guess we're just gonna give up on art and creativity then, exploring all sides of humanity including the darker ones and figuring out good, evil, morality, drama and meaningful conflicts. We're not going to empathize with people of varying opinions and have an open discourse, Education about the past will be quite stifled and a billion other things That sounds circular, if it includes self and others, then what is this statement in opposition of? Is it just saying not to stress oneself to death over the impossible, surrender to the truth and be at peace? What about the future? This is healthy life advice, though if it's absolute morality then that contradicts the voluntarity, if it is a guide then it makes perfect sense. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree, there's just the danger of drawing barriers and turning it into compulsion but that applies to everything and you did say voluntarily and gave good reasons.

I seek to find the core and source of consciousness that generates reality and figure out a way to let it transform me from the inside out. All meaningful change happens through this process, as the alternative is mechanistic repetition and unconscious continuation of pre-established ideas/patterns (I don't want to dismiss that approach of course, maybe building momentum and slowly integrating is necessary not to overstimulate the body and build a foundation but still). The body forms itself inside out, growing from a single undivided cell into the complex, intelligent, specialized, interdependent system that it is today. It continues to create structures and experiences, with conscious experience corresponding to various parts of the brain expanding and interconnecting. But what I seek is to access the process which makes it happen, and my psychedelic experiences point me towards consciousness retroactively upgrading the brain as its physical counterpart and sensory connector in order to account for and understand a greater portion of reality. You might say that Leo already made a video about this and it's the concept of going Meta and that is definitely a powerful way to do it. But I feel like there has to be even more to it or maybe that within the concept of going Meta, there is more room for expanding the understanding of that concept, of what it means to go Meta and understanding Meta² or Meta-Meta. How can I instead of transcending paradigms through Non-Duality as I currently do, access and utilize that experiential feeling inside of me which leads me to become aware and want to go Meta and integrate it into my awareness and make it a default action and state of operating. There are many limitations within that stop us from living our best lives by being stuck in paradigms, maybe there is a point to it, maybe self-deception is just ignorance, maybe its the natural process of evolution that propels us into greater self-understanding and a healthier way to engage in existence, maybe we specifically chose to be as limited as we are in order to experience and appreciate activities that would make no sense from a higher perspective. But low consciousness leads to a lot of suffering, as we see in the world and ourselves, and I realized how my very own ideas and desires lead me to suffer needlessly, chase never attainable pleasure and hedonism, get me stuck and at odds with people and slow my progress towards my passions and the things that I find meaningful. One might say, I'm supposed to learn through physical experience and learn through suffering, but Sadhguru himself says that this human machine is the most sophisticated thing on the planet and we haven't even bothered reading the user's manual, so that's exactly what I want to do. Of course gaining experience through action is a fundamental part of it, but why should I chase random societal desires and karmic tendencies that I don't even authentically want when I haven't even figured out the fundamentals of my human existence and am simply adopting a local paradigm of blind faith, perpetuating negative tendencies in the process of aping after others because that's all I'm exposed to. I've been so unhealthy in the past, the self-understanding I have now would have saved me a lot of trouble, mindless repetition, ego games and stubbornness. I have wondered what about psychedelics made me tune into the experiences they create, one thing being that I'm overflowing with love, another that my limitations dissolve, another that the need for external validation disappears, another being fearlessness, another being transcending shame through self-compassion and understanding, another being the peace of mind that spawns curiosity, another one being the release of trauma and energetic barriers, another one being authenticity, yet another taking responsibility, and at this point its basically just speedrunning the concepts from the titles of all of Leo's videos. But I don't wanna rely on Leo's videos, I want to find out how to get into the state of mind that generates these insights and figure out what its source is, the healthiest configuration, the source of creation and imagination, the peak of kundalini, the state of mind that lets me shed my skin and be reborn and transformed from new energy updating my body from the inside out. I want to access the link between the immaterial and perceived materiality, the feeling of conscious intent when moving a hand, formulating a thought, taking a cold plunge, presence, awareness, energy, transformation.

Just boof up a kilo of 5-Meo and inhale a campfire worth of DMT

@James123 Trying to follow. There's an arising non-dual capital E Experiencing. Within it shapes, ideas, thoughts, a monologue, an understanding, a connecting. A voice and text retroactively classifying, labeling and dividing parts of the Experiencing which is itself part of the Experiencing and a simultaneous arising of a feeling of understanding. A feeling of a self being and influencing aspects of the Experiencing, which is an experience within the Experiencing, "I am doing all this" is a feeling and text that is an arising. But there is only Experiencing and whatever is within it appears to take a shape, but it's always an experience of an automatic process with a sense of agency continuously evolving as part of the Experiencing which itself is nothing more than a non-dual Experiencing containing disconnected parts that appear to form a self-aware gestalt within itself, but it's essentially just Experiencing being. That means there is a self as an experience but no actual experiencer to which the Experiencing happens, right? The experiencing contains a sensation which the feeling of a self coupled with a feeling of identification and understanding relating to the illusion of another self typing and the sensation of a previous self understanding and continuing to read ends up ultimately feeling the sensation of imagining reading "Sorry, overthinking is fun lol" as an experience arising within Experiencing.

Maybe everyone has psychic powers and collective ignorance/gaslight is unconsciously being channeled into the very suppression of those abilities creating a global ceiling through the power of mass belief?

@Someone here All I know is consciousness for I can only know anything by being conscious of it and consciousness itself precedes any experience that arises inside it. The brain is an arising form and idea within consciousness that has a strong, very direct feedback loop with the rest of reality, which itself is another experience within consciousness. It's just that the link is so direct, as if the brain is consciousness self-reflecting, yet it is expanding, yet chemistry may be able to explain that expansion. I just really wonder if the brain changes as a result of conscious experience, with consciousness retroactively adjusting the brain, its physical counterpart, or the mechanical growth of that physical counterpart that is the brain results in the expansion of arising conscious experiences. It feels as if consciousness is inexplicably tied to the brain, if only I could verify conscious experiences existing independently of it, but that always brings me back to the potential of there existing a counterpart in some dimension that through mechanical deterministic laws manipulates the nature of conscious experience and consciousness being a hallucinatory experience not being able to account for such preceding structure. But of course consciousness could be completely immaterial and everything inside being intentfully imagined without needing a physical counterpart at all.

@Schizophonia I remember pretending to take psychedelics in a placebo visualization before sleep then becoming lucid in, closing my eyes still seeing the room, opening and closing them to confirm that I can see with my eyes closed, then closing one eye and seeing the inside of some apartment building through it walking around while I was still seeing my room from the other, then I woke up into another dream of the room with warping colors and then I woke up for real. I think we can actually train or convince ourselves into such experiences or maybe it is simply that we have the ability to control and direct our experiences consciously but since nobody talks about it we didn't know it's possible. I was in a forest on LSD once and chanted, focused and concentrated to the point that within my vision, the tree branches aligned into what looked like a fractal space, a three dimensional grid but that grid was made of weird alien forms like hollow hyper-concave geometry. I was able to replicate this somewhat even when sober by staring at the outlines of tree branches for extended periods of time and on psychedelics the effect is enhanced where it forms an overarching structure shaped like a dome made of connected humanoid poses. There sure is a lot to explore in this regard, but it really takes a lot of focus and dedication on my part so I've deviated away from it...

@Davino I am progressing in that direction, but I always seek to contextualize everything. Non-Duality is a great way to transcend a paradigm, I've also been deep into the Seth Material, but it is a lot. Still, it accounts for all possible contradictions and flashes out the nature of the universe in the most fundamental sense. I do actually have to really awaken to these insights however in my direct experience and to change my actual perception. That the difference between materiality and immateriality is imaginary and everything is consciousness. That my unconscious beliefs are responsible for shaping all aspects of my life. The fact that I identify it as life and me as myself, retroactively enforcing such dualities. But to just give up on that doesn't feel right, instead I'm getting to the root of it, interconnect reality, dissolve barriers, transcend paradigms and find understandings that eliminate contradictions. Maybe that process itself is a problem, but I am letting a lot of karma pass through me and let it go in the process, where there was always a pent up feeling before. Intuitively I know that everything is consciousness, but I'm figuring out what that means and how to navigate, understand and embody this insight.

A person approaches the subject, light reflected off that person enters the subject's eye, turns to brain signals, creates an image, gets contextualized, elicits a reaction, sends brain signals to fascial muscles, makes a reaction face. But from the moment of having a reaction to it being shown through facial expressions, there is a time lag. The external reaction is a mirror of the internal reaction but it is just a manifestation, not the thing itself. The actual conscious emotional experience is not actually observed, just it's shadow. Thinking through that context, where is a person anyway? They're not their body, but their body is an expression of them, a feedback loop that creates their identity. But where's the person, between the eyes, when I look into a mirror, am I between my eyes? No, all I can see of myself is an equally arbitrary content of my experience, everything is inside consciousness. 360 degree, all covered. The observer (if there even is one) is nothing, for anything is an experience, and any experience is not experiencer so there is no room for the experiencer. The experiencer is the experience, but what is the consciousness that ties it all together? Is it nothing? But consciousness is not nothing, yet it is the experience and experiencer. I'm confused, help

@Yimpa Cringe lacks context, I cringe at the videos I recorded, but remembering the perspective and transformation, I understand, still can't bear to look at some of them, I released so much trauma, energy and emotion, that looking at it without context makes me look super crazy cringe. But when I do remember, I just smile.

God gives you autonomy like a good parent. You are also a part of God still unaware of the greater being There are many things that connect you but also separate and distract you, yet it is all parts of God you see What limits you from seeing god are limitations, fear and unconscious beliefs, but also a lack of perception You create your reality and shape your unconscious beliefs, you can only progress through authenticity Do what feels right in your heart, you may not see god but he might speak through you and show himself through signs and the world

I became directly aware of what's you're saying in my last trip, new reality constantly flowing out from inside of myself It seemed like I was transformed every second, acquiring new characteristics while I shed my old skin like a snake Also, God's must be pretty smart to be able to go outside of himself when he's already Infinite

Sadhguru is ecstatic, so it's not the age. Hippies looked pretty happy, so they were made illegal. Is there even a part responsible for that? Sounds like a cultural expression of an innately formless aggressive quality that can be channeled any kind of way, an outward thrusting characteristic that creates a positive momentum for extrinsic action and physical expression that can be channeled towards growth and creativity. It needn't be tied to violence, violence itself is an act of separation and bad faith all too easily propagated however, continuing through lineages like an eye for an eye turning the whole world blind until someone is ready to forgive, since from an understanding of Non-Duality everyone is you, if only everyone was aware of that.

Each month now, I look at the past one and find it insane how much I changed. Recently, I gave up on my greatest desire and neurosis, loneliness, to find someone who I can connect with on a deep emotional level and understanding. I was looking for it for as long as I can remember. I'm an only child and felt very isolated even when I was 5. Throughout my life, this made me very needy but also uniquely appreciative of friendships, but I've suffered each moment I was by myself and it seemed like something that could never be fulfilled, as I'd always seek more of it and would feel doubly terrible when disconnected. But now I let go of that external desire during my last trip, it was painful, sad, angry, I projected a part outside of myself into the world to be united with, I yearned to turn the suffering into ecstasy at the reunion, yearned for a soul mate. To integrate that part back into myself and surrender that massive energy felt like giving up, like sunk cost. But then I felt free, empty, content. It had been an endless desire I could continuously appreciate and suffer for eternity but would never fulfil since the mere presence of such a person would make me joyful, but any even temporary disconnection miserable. I realized the pattern of externalizing desires in form of projection and in the act of disconnection depriving oneself of joy. I realized the pattern of suppressing childhood trauma and looking for ways to cope with it. I realized the rigidness, stiffness, energy blocks that arose from creating a sense of separation. Inherently, I don't even see the action of projection and reflection as a negative, for a child it is the sense of play, throwing a boomerang, externalize a piece of oneself, observe it, modify it and reintegrate it into the whole. But the way one goes about this and the belief in the absoluteness and objectivity of such action not being an internal projection but an inherent separation and true reality is what creates massive suffering, that lets people project their desires onto reality and chase them outwardly all their life, becoming insecure, fearful, aggressive and addicted, discontent, miserable. Now that I identify it as the frontier of meaningful action, to recollect and reintegrate all parts of myself that I project outwards internally by becoming aware of the illusion of separation and arbitrariness of desire, I seek to surrender. Desires are arbitrary, I could imagine wanting to be an astronaut going to mars and I it's something I could act upon but in reality I may not be capable of it. I may want to grow wings and fly, but I don't see that happening. There are simply goals and desires too large to fulfil, or what if I wanna murder everyone, impulses that just aren't realistic enough or even desirable enough to be actualized externally. And because there is at least one thing that I can't do and one can be happy despite that, may as well expand that paradigm to include all desires and find contentment. This all of course is overcoming trauma and doing shadow work but I can already imagine finishing that process at some point and why not progress steadily to the next paradigm. What comes after surrender of all desires and the built up skill to dismiss them as they are? I would become nothing but unless that makes me dematerialize from this world, I'll still be existing here. If I change my paradigm from fearing unconscious separation and conditioning my happiness on external action, then what's next? Sure, I can become a monk, but that sounds kind of boring. Boringness might be a projection of unintegrated parts distracting me or maybe its a natural healthy state of a lack of trauma that leads one into a positive abundance paradigm of creating a life purpose. I do have a life purpose, but I want to free myself of the need of it and instead do it from a paradigm of boredom, passion and maximum present focus. But then I might be missing lots of insights, paradigms and spiritual concepts that limit my current perspective, so then that's what the post is about: Expand my mind

@r0ckyreed Contemplation is great but it's like combining various ideas, while meditation is opening yourself up to new ones and going beyond the mind into the realm of pure experience. Not to say that I have experience with that, I've been too impatient to even start, but now I will. I wonder if it can get you anywhere near psychedelics. Also a way to compare them is like chugging energy drinks to get things done vs receiving a massage.

@Ramanujan First of all, don't buy into the loser-winner paradigm, it doesn't serve anyone. Those who identify as losers don't take action and waste their energy complaining, self-sabotaging and creating an unpleasant limited life for themselves while those who identify as winners have to constantly stress themselves about maintaining status and becoming workaholic, narrowing their experience and appreciation of life in the process. Secondly, use books as guides, don't worship them like gods and do actively incorporate their lessons mindfully, but don't limit yourself to any single narrow perspective for too long. Whatever you do, go through feedback to make sure it works out. It's just concepts, you decide what makes sense and test if it does, identify diminishing returns and question everything. Thirdly, if coding is your passion, then why aren't you excited to start your life now? You should be exhilarated to have found something you find enjoyment in, most people waste 1/3 of their lives hating their job, 10 years even if overwhelming is still better in comparison to that. Especially since you can now enjoy it. Also, don't worry about the future, Singularity will hit us 2050 at the latest and then none of us will care about any jobs anymore. Last but not least, why do you want to be rich, can you visualize the things you would buy, cars you would drive, places you would travel, houses you would own, what is it you want to spend it on. Please tell me it's not solely to show off or prove yourself. If you can visualize all these things that money would get you and are enthusiastic about them, then you just start exercising your imagination and that will fuel you to start doing. Also, you don't have to be rich to do many of these things and oftentimes we create our own limitations when there are many opportunities. Be clear about what you want. Also, for every millionaire that makes it, there are 10.000 that don't. It's a pyramid scheme, you better have plans on transforming reality if you're aiming that high.

Regarding the nature of reality including objectivity and subjectivity, I find myself learning much from Seth and finding much confirmation in my psychedelic experiences. It doesn't contradict Leo either, and also feels like the kind of reality I would create if I tried to have the best of all worlds and go really into depth and create the most complete and limitless version of the universe and explain all that I know of. One might be able to claim confirmation bias, but all I read is mind expanding in its nature of potentiality and that bias can be applied to anyone and anything irregardless of circumstance, especially through the concept of unconscious beliefs. I'm still integrating insights from Seth. The idea there is that all of reality is made of units of consciousness scaling infinitely across all dimensions, coming together to form a reality. They form gestalts as you and me, there are alternate potential and probable selves also distinguished by frequency, intent, imagined past and choices but there is no real self, just seeming ever morphing gestalts operating in tendon to create coherent desired experiences forming consciously or unconsciously through desires and beliefs, ever expanding portions of reality that become coherent on their own and become their own gestalts, with every part its own holistic portion, never at risk of disappearance but ever freely morphing into new shapes and forms expressing and changing identity. According to Seth, consciousness seeking out actuality through its beliefs and self-knowledge alternates between different dimensions of actuality, there are multiple versions of ourselves and they all morph into congruent realities creating them in the process of merging with other conscious selves congruent with the identity of such actuality. Here's some quotes: "No objective reality exists but that which is created by consciousness, consciousness always creates form and not the other way around, so my environment is a reality of existence and created by myself and others like me and it represents the manifestation of our development [...] You think that objects exist independently of you, not realizing they are instead the manifestations of your own psychological and psychic selves [...] you usually don't realize that your physical body is created by you at each moment as a direct result of your inner conception of what you are or that it changes in important chemical and electromagnetic ways with the ever moving pace of your own thought [...] there are no real barriers to separate the systems of which I speak, the only separation is brought about by the varying abilities of personalities to perceive and manipulate, you exist in the midst of many other systems of reality for example but you do not perceive them" "There is no static god, when you say: 'this is god", then god is already something else, I'm using the term god for simplicity's sake, all portions of All That Is are constantly changing, unfolding. All That Is, seeking to know itself, constantly creates new versions of itself, for this seeking itself is a creative activity and the core of all creation. Entities being action always shift and change, there is nothing arbitrary about their boundaries. Some personalities can be apart of more than one entity, like fish, they can swim in other streams, within them is the knowledge of all their relationships. Any personality can become an entity on its own, this involves highly developed knowledge of the use of energy and its intensities. As atoms have mobility, so do psychological structures. Consciousness seeking to know itself therefore knows you. You, as a consciousness, seek to know yourself and become aware of yourself as a distinct individual portion of All That Is. You not only draw upon this overall energy but you do so automatically, since your existence is dependent upon it" "The responsibility for your life and your world is indeed yours, it has not been forced upon you by some outside agency, you form your dreams and you form your own physical reality. The world is what you are, it is the physical materialization of the inner selves that have formed it." TLDR; The idea is that there is an underlying Entity that gives rise to conscious entities within it that themselves form subjective realities through self-discovery and can tune themselves into communication with each others to give rise to a consensus space which only exists as a result of their interaction. There is an absolute reality giving rise to them, a subjective reality encompassing the entirety of their local experience and a consensus reality which is the result of overlapping subjective experiences but does not exist independently. That framework is very complex and I believe to have heard that everything is made from consciousness including the smallest particles, but the gist is that the world is transient and only exists while conscious agents actively create in within their (shared) consciousness, only our experience exists and the world disappears when we aren't tuned to it, at the same time it is an eternal idea we can always chose to tune ourselves into because everything is a mental construction, a vibration and space but also created in the process and everything potentially possible exists eternally as an idea or memory or imagination, so what reality really is, is conscious entities imagining a specific dimension of reality into existence or dreaming it up using their internal senses, to find/create/discover that part of themselves. It's a lot to take in, I know, there are dozens of hours of audiobooks on YouTube and I'm listening to all of them. It really accounts for all kinds of conscious phenomena and gives a comprehensive understanding of all of reality that unites every contradiction one could possibly conjure up, you really have to hear it for yourself.

@SoulSurvivor Trip reports always feel so insightful, when I look back at my own I wonder if it was even I who wrote them, and so I wonder of others. Your insights are profound. The balance of continuously integrating new patterns and how everything is made of them. The balance of imbalance, the continuous growth, retaining old, attaining new, and not becoming attached. This trip focused on healthy selfless growth through the lens of patterns and integration. Appreciation, discipline, self-awareness, concise Non-Dual interconnectedness of concepts, I salute you.

@jacknine119 An important perspectival lens I discovered is the Self/Other Unity. When you judge another, you judge a part of yourself. Same with cringe, anger, etc., whatever you apply to self, applies to others, what you apply to others applies to yourself. Try building a framework of understanding behavior and how you interpret and perceive it, then apply the same rules to yourself and others. If you have confidence in your own universal judgement, you become less dependent on the judgement of others. If you struggle with cringing at yourself, you can use that to feedback yourself into shape and then you don't even need to face shame from others, but only from yourself, and you are 100% in control of your internal world, even if you're not always aware of it.

@BlurryBoi Since you're facing deep existential fears and don't know how to go about surrender, let me tell you a story about my own similar conundrum from half a year ago where I went completely overboard with psychedelics and it was absolutely crazy, scary and fascinating. Everyone on the forum was talking about figuring out reality being a waste of time and the only action to take being surrender. The way I interpreted that was that everything was that everything is an illusion and I was literally meant to dissolve into nothingness, thinking that's the ultimate point of life. So I went ahead and chugged 75g of truffles with orange juice to initiate the gulp reflex in three moves with the sheer intention to let go of everything I cared about, everything I knew, thinking, feeling, understanding and unexist myself. I put on hardcore breakcore music and decided to speedrun letting go. I sat down on the bed and asked myself some questions about god, it seemed like answers were coming through me but from another source. I decided to visit a random actualized.org forum post but couldn't read because it was literally made of hieroglyphs, I focused very closely on a specific segment and it said something akin to "You are not self" and "There is no self", I couldn't read anything around it, it all looked like Allison Grey's secret writing. I lied down, barely managed to find the music, put it on and closed my eyes. I confronted different parts of myself externalized, they took form of alien lifeforms geometrically centered around a specific trait and weakness. The psychic was a fool, the strong one was weak, the loving one was monstrous, the happy one was useless, the content one created backlash, the strategic one was reckless, the alien one I became. For the next hours I found myself in alien dimensions exploring microscopic life, the structure of DNA and epigenetic variability, sacred geometry, esoteric knowledge and non-euclidian space. From time to time I had to run to the toilet and purge. Eventually, I was fine and lied down again. This time, I saw a terrifying monster but I became the buddha, I saw that monster as a distraction from becoming nothing, it had countless terrifying rectangular eyes all looking at me from different angles, but I wondered, a predator would simply kill me, this one looks scary but that's not effective, what's the purpose of looking scary anyway? It's a distraction! So I dismissed it with the peace of buddha and moved away from it. Then it became small and whimpered, like leaving it behind would kill it and it was only trying to survive, but it stood between me and enlightenment, I identified it as not an entity but a materialized mechanic ego defenses mechanism, so I dismissed it and became nothing, but not completely yet. Or at least I was merging in and out of existence. I became a mirror reflection, a crystal, a singular beam of light, the concept of gender, the loop of time, I didn't give up all parts of me yet, there were still lenses through which I saw reality. I saw time as a loop, everything repeating endlessly, every day identical until the end of time, every action taken later forgotten to be repeated, limbo. I needed to find a way to make progress, I would wake up and fall asleep again, waking up in the same loop with the same thoughts but I needed to become nothing. I thought about my parents and how I'd never make progress, repeating the same cycle, never getting anywhere. I woke up for a minute and then get overstimulated to the degree I'd end up in the same bed out of existence, then wake up the same way. I wouldn't know if I was repeating the same thing or actually made a change, but the loop seemed inevitable, I'd end up going through the same motions with the clock pointing at the same time, forever and forgetting, waking up again, putting on socks, preparing to step out of the room, only to not want to meet anyone in that state, going in a circle, but everything back and end up the same way in the bed. Like I'd never snap out of it, limbo. I felt like my kid self, I felt like I really screwed up, I felt like I disappointed my parents, well hypothetically since I'd never see them again stuck in limbo. This kept happening forever. At some point I was waking up for half a second longer than last time, this time I showed myself self-compassion, falling into bed all my worries dissolved and I felt so much love, I saw that love as the point of femininity, that being nothing and needing nothing was one polarity of existence experiencing absolute love and satiation through non-existence, then I woke up and felt stronger and more capable and saw this as the point of masculinity, making progress and the capability of bearing ever greater burdens and feeling equal but opposite maximum love as a result, maxing out my potential and capacities. I oscillated between nothingness and reality materializing for ever greater periods with ever greater capacities for activity and experience. I felt perfect because nothingness was absolute love but so was somethingness, the only problem would be to expect something of myself that lied outside of my experience but since reality was such a small bubble at the time and I was all of it at all times, I felt content. Eventually I returned for much longer periods, and my field of perception returned from being a vibrating sea of liquid mercury making up all surfaces into their normal detailed forms. I was disappointed, because I now experienced there being reality outside of my field of awareness, but on the upside I was now back to being able to make sense of reality and being aware of all the parts of life I lost. I looked at the clock, 6 hours had passed. This might have given me some existential angst, but really I was fine afterwards, a little traumatized maybe, but it was also deeply exhilarating. In retrospect, it was that time loop that was the worst imaginable thing to me, but every other part was amazing. Well, there was another part I didn't mention where I had the idea that every possible belief and counter-belief had to be true simultaneously and there'd have to be a transcendent one that included both and I could not utter a single word or concept or idea without compulsively accounting for the opposite anti-idea and making everything Non-Dual. What I learned from succeeding trips, dissociatives, new paradigms and self transformation: What doesn't kill you (or cripple you) makes you stronger, but you can be tempted to end yourself Psychedelic love is addictive, you need to find the traumas the keep you from it when you're sober Dissociatives are great tools for detachment and as a result finding all the resistance blocks inside If you do a lot, you'll go through a Dark Night of the Soul, fighting apathy, anhedonia, meaninglessness You can end up feeling utterly worthless and incompetent, feeling like you're the worst person alive You can also experience lots of fear, paranoia, projections, hallucinations, shadow entities and scary stuff You need to build up a universal sense of awareness and observe whatever happens with control and contentment Dissociatives are more effective at dealing with trauma, while psychedelics raise awareness and access new paradigms Dissociatives still need awareness to keep up that state of mind and face the underlying trauma and resolve it for good Combining dissociatives and psychedelics responsibly makes for a great combo for the release of the authentic self That combo specifically overrides self-suppression, confess all your reasons you are the way you are when on them Honestly look into your past to find the root of your beliefs and reasons you self-suppress in the present These are tools, you can do without, but they're powerful catalysts that overpower those barriers that keep you shackled This trip helped, but it took many many more to heal me and lots of self-understanding and experimentation My suggestions: Learn the basics of IFS Therapy off YouTube, it's a good framework for self-understanding, compassion and healing Experiment with reasonable amounts of Dissociatives, but remember that you're supposed to feel that way sober Set time aside, set and setting matter a lot, don't judge yourself too harshly, observe arising emotions Understand the sources of your troubles, be honest, be shameless, at least with yourself, be unreasonable but truthful Journal, take a look at your past, your motivations, your desires, what you authentically love and want and yearn for Sometimes, you are the one separating yourself from parts of yourself and seeking them in the outside world. In those cases, you can give up the pursuit and find them inside, but this costs emotional labor and feels deeply dissatisfying. Dissociatives dissociate you, psychedelics raise your awareness, use them for understanding and detachment to see yourself from the outside are that desires are a part of you but you are not your desires and you are the one separating yourself from happiness without being aware of it because you are tying your joy to an external experience you can't access and that is what you need to let go of and surrender, that's why it's hard. The nature of surrender is giving up the pursuit of the things you seek on the outside and instead focus on the process of living instead of achieving, this can feel deeply dissatisfying at first, because you are giving up on your passions, or at least that's what it feels like, but actually you're just giving up on the results, instead choosing to focus on the process and finding joy in it instead of needing the outcomes for happiness. You also need to become more self-compassionate and this can look selfish, you need to put yourself first. Your entire life may change, but is knowing more ever a bad thing? It gives you choices, options and understanding, if nothing more, seek self-understanding of what makes you you. As Leo once said "Awareness itself is curative" if you do enough of it.

@What Am I Indeed, at first I thought Kundalini and Psychedelics were completely unrelated, but the more I experience, think and connect the dots, the more I realize how connected everything is. Kundalini is visualized as energy rising through the spine through energy centers. There are Yoga techniques that unlock that wave of energy, both through body exercises and meditation. But really, one has to see that Kundalini is everywhere, the flow state, great athletic effect, cold exposure, shamanic breathing, meditation, psychedelics, dissociatives, cannabis, stimulants, anything that creates a sense of meaning and power within you, anything that releases energy barriers, anything that empowers you or makes you go all out, or sets you free, it's all interconnected. On my last psychedelic trip, I started doing yoga spontaneously, I pressed myself into different positions to become as flexible as possible, I started cracking my spine as I crack my fingers, releasing the building up stiffness, it's like memory is saved in that stiffness or spine itself and engaging it, movement, running, a cold plunge, being authentic with oneself, prayer specifically confession, physical pain, love, meaningful relationships, life purpose, strong fear, fight or flight, self-control, it's all a form of Kundalini Energy. The question is how one reacts, how aware one is of it, how one uses it. It's like we have a natural tendency towards comfort and peace. Maybe they themselves are not bad but there is something about the suppression process of living in a society, following rules, being obedient, externalizing status, being polite, playing by the rules that stifles that energy, makes it physically turn into stiffness, stiff bones, stiff muscles, all kinds of diseases and bodily ailments, fat storage, lack of energy, its suppressed energy. During my last massive trip, I felt like that life energy wanted to be released, like it'd go to waste if I did nothing, like it'd make me sweat and uncomfortable or be saved as stiffness or fat. So I went jogging and took a cold plunge, it felt like I was burning my body away, but in a good way, I wanted to burn all of my physical body away and become free, become a pure energy being and saw all of my body but also all my psychological turmoil as karma to be released, as weights to be let go of, as discomfort and self-suppression to be gotten rid of. But as I returned home, the trip was ending and my body started adjusting to the ambient temperature and get cold again and I started feeling hungry again. I felt it throughout my life, it's like the energy release when you sit around for a long time and then walk out and start jogging or cycling, it's that immediate sweating and heat that continuous for as long as you keep going, when you stop, you cool down and then it's gone, you can still get into it but now you have to work for it, it doesn't come as naturally as the first time, kind of like glycogen saved up in the body compared to working with ketons, it's pretty interesting really...

@BlurryBoi Ketamine and other Dissociatives, if used responsibly in moderate doses are actually an amazing tool. Instead of expanding your perspective and shooting massive waves of energy through you, it relaxes your mind and body and externalizes your attachments, so you can view them from the outside. Your intuition is hypercharged, you do things naturally using your intuition more so than conscious thought. You are more in tune with your authentic self, but unlike psychedelics, instead of perceiving and understanding it, you simply become it. It kind of feels like you're on autopilot to some degree. This can become an addiction if you don't focus on understanding and integration, but it's a huge relief and you can simply be yourself without judgements, those are stripped away from you, you get to experience what being at peace is like. It's important though to find out exactly why that is not your default state and figure out what is blocking you and what events in your life made you that way. I recommend IFS Therapy, you don't need to visit a therapist, just learn about the concept and work through it yourself. It did wonders for me. Dangers: Like alcohol, your mind can become incoherent in higher doses, just like any other class of drugs, benzos, opiates or heroic psychedelics doses you can become overwhelmed and dissociated enough that you temporarily forget who you are, where you are, etc. and can do nothing beyond lying around daydreaming, not being able to make sense of your environment. This is not to discourage you, just like with every other drug, be careful. Double check and read trip reports and dosages, though as long as you stay within the dose range on the Psychonaut Wiki, you should be fine, start small and get a sense of the experience. My first time was confusing and disorienting, uncomfortable, like an alcohol buzz. My second was also weird, but I gained an appreciation for the intuitive auto-pilot and absence of the perfectionism that was stifling my activities. The third time I overdid it and couldn't make sense of my environment, feeling like a lost child in an alien world. After the fourth time, I felt anxious and incompetent for the next two months, because I realized how much my fears had been holding me back my entire life and how little I know about life and how everything works and how open and curious I become on dissociatives. Some following trips made be revert into a vulnerable, sad and afraid child, I needed support, surrounded myself in comfort and watched some movies, taking psychedelics during that trip lead to a full blown psychedelic throat chakra kundalini awakening where I felt like my authentic self for the first time in my life. Lately, one trip led me to anger and mania to transformed my grief and low self-worth into action and passion, self-introspection revealed deep childhood trauma and I grew as much if not more than on psychedelics. At this point, I can do all the things I learned on dissociatives sober, or on light/micro doses, but there's always new things to learn and paradigms to transcend. I wish you good luck if you do want to try, don't overdo it, but also don't give up to quickly, but also be responsible, but also be intentful and aware and remember my experiences, at least that's the advice i'd give my past self.

Since this discussion has turned into the drawbacks of abusing psychedelics, Let's go over this: 1. There is no scientific evidence but science doesn't know anything, all it does it throw around Buzzwords like 5HT-2A Agonist, Default Mode Network Disruption and Interconnection of Brain Areas and that's it, everything else is derived from random speculation based on those and Serotonin being correlated with Good Health and Mood. 2. People experience Great Trips, Awful Trips, HPPD, etc. and all we hear is that it's "Psychological", since science doesn't find any "physical anomalies". From all we know it's just our reaction to our mental blocks based on our level of self-acceptance, self-understanding and sense making of the nuance we encounter. Taking heroic doses might get us into states where the observed is changed and modulated as much as the observer, so one faces temporary amnesia, mania, panic, etc., states of mind become externalized and one might lose their sense of self and understanding, as the neurons responsible for maintaining awareness are overflooded and disrupted. 3. Based on many experiences of transcendent states, there is something resembling Kundalini Awakening, where massive amounts of energy flow through the body, breaking barriers, resistance and might be too much for the body to handle. Leo talked about this in one of his videos where it felt like there was lightning shooting through his fingertips, burning them slightly, due to this massive release. This part is important and I experienced it in many ways as well, having so much energy and being so overwhelmed by sensory stimulation that it's uncomfortable. I wasn't prepared at the time and wanted it to stop, I did not progress as much as I could and it brought about some suffering. There is something to be said of going beyond your limits similar to lifting weights beyond your range and hurting yourself in the process, you need to build yourself up towards it and rest afterwards. 4. Leo has this idea of equivalent exchange, but it can be seen from a billion perspectives. Why isn't our life perfect? Have we done something wrong? Have we not suffered enough? Is it meant to be bad? Is it our limiting beliefs? This mindset doesn't allow any growth, it's a zero sum game. According to that, we can never make any progress because we end up with something else that's equally bad regardless. Letting go of ego, becoming more selfless, maybe the trade off is exactly the emotional labor, forgiveness, giving up on hedonistic pursuits, constant striving for self-understanding and compassion, having to take responsibility and work. Maybe psychedelic ego-death and facing a bad trip and emptiness that is giving up on your identity is exactly the trade off and that's all there is to it? Maybe we're inventing reasons not to do psychedelics because we feel it's too easy compared to the survival we've been accustomed to? Maybe it's avoiding self-deception, maybe it's the fact they're illegal, maybe it's facing the hardships of change and transience, maybe it's the responsibility of integrating the trips. The argument of "They don't come for free" is an assumption, a reasonable doubt based on life experience, but it's creating a premise a priori and trying to prove it right, circular logic. Sorry for the rant but it's basically saying that a kid made to suffer all his life through apathy and lack of autonomy and purpose choosing to end his life has an equivalent experience to a joyful kid travelling around the world, learning about himself and others and living an amazing life is equivalent because "everything has a trade off". Maybe its learning the meaning of suffering or appreciation etc. and maybe there's reincarnation or god has a plan for both, but come on Leo, I know the way you speak in your video about Responsibility, shaming victim mentality and telling us to have a life purpose and live a most fulfilling life of resilience and selflessness and how contemptful you look at those who drink their life away. 5. "Have you considered the alternative interpretation" that activating your brain like that can lead to a healthy engagement in real life activities and brain function that increases lifespan, quality of life and appreciation for reality, health and the actual reason why such is not the default is because of our faulty self-sabotaging cultural paradigms, self-deception and self-worth problems that are all corrected by gaining a higher perspective and being overfilled by love through the healing experience? 6. Tolerance exists and I myself experience anhedonia on the next day somewhat like a hang over. But I actually learned to appreciate it for giving me a perspective not tied to any one thing and taking a step back where nothing has meaning but that lets me be more objective and detached during. 7. It's hard to sleep 8. You can become psychologically addicted to transcendent states that you cannot recreate naturally and rely on psychedelics for happiness, you may also withdraw from life if you don't integrate your lessons or use them as escapism, but that's true with any addiction and psychedelics usually compensate for that by giving you ever worse trips until you get your shit together. 9. There's a non-zero percent chance that you become an actual alien, gain psychic abilities, or hallucinate yourself away