Keryo Koffa

@Razard86 If I read correctly consciousness and awareness are like perceiver and perceived, a transient field of infinite potential interpreting its form from within itself. And self-mastery is to bloom as a person through love and growth in the task that those are channeled through. Mastery reminds me of plants, they know what to do and how to grow and do their best to create beautiful flowers, delicious fruits and a healthy ecosystem. But they can only work with what they have and can wither away in the wrong environment, yet they don't stop trying because of it. And we are far more complex lifeforms, increasing our standards but also adaptability. But we can only grow and flower through love, else we're trapped in mechanical loops and lose the very consciousness that makes beauty beautiful. Nature teaches us to do our best out of love for ourselves because beauty is found everywhere where one's mind is open to it and an open mind leads to beautiful actions indeed.

Even in materialism, all knowable reality is contained within your personal brain's neural firing patterns, But what if we changed those? That could switch personality, experience, ideas, interpretations, locations, sensations, reality, add qualia, change thoughts, remove limitations, all the way to infinity, which is what god points to. Imagine your brain of a neural network having very specific biases and now add psychedelics and imagine more of your brain lighting up. This lighting up means more areas are interconnected and the firing is more versatile and less biased. Practically your experience becomes more real and intricate than it's ever been. Imagine ramping up that light bulb to shine brighter and brighter and brighter. Your experience amplifies, changes, alternates, synchronizes, throws you across dimensions, in and out of body. Every person you know only really exists as a construct inside your head based on experiences and feelings associated to "atom configuration" as scientists would call it. And holistically you and every other person exist in each others' mind spaces but those mind spaces are scientifically necessary for any interpretable personality to be able to exist at all. But there's clearly much more to it that that. Imagine going to DMT hyperspace and talking to some entities because you synchronized your brain waves to enhance your pattern recognition to the point that you walk back from the branch that is your body to the root of the tree that is your deeper self that you're unaware of and now you can see what's beyond your senses in these parallel dimensions that your astral form can connect to. All we see in reality are gestalts, forms that materialize through atoms but are not atoms. Fractal geometry and math contain information far beyond the scope of this universe were it as material as we interpret it. Continuity is gradual change, most basically our experience itself, the configuration of our neural network, our memories, the sense of cohesion and general awareness, hormonal balance, all saved in this body. But our true self was never material, it can't be material. Chairs don't exist materially, only atoms that are shaped like chairs do, but that's exactly the point. A chair is a chair regardless what its made of and it exists conceptually outside of material reality. And so do you. And so do I. And so does reality. Atoms are building blocks but material is not in the same dimension as the form that materializes itself through it. So you may wonder, what are these forms, gestalts, math, fractals, ideas, thoughts, feelings, memories, senses, personalities, objects and subjects that influence all of reality on a material level but themselves are not material but either a seeming emergent property or an inherent unbound materialization from beyond physical determinism? And that is an excellent question indeed. That's what I wanna find out too! Try to watch Leo's videos with this information and also look up "seth speaks audiobook" on YouTube, it will greatly enhance your perspective!

Sounds like that stark negative experience far out of your comfort zone led you to suppress a major part of yourself, which then spiraled into a loss of confidence which itself spiraled your doubting your ability to function which itself became a self-fulfilling prophecy All I can say is that you need to go back. It's like you got burned while cooking and now never want to cook ever again but that's very restrictive and mirrors itself through insecurities all around life, so you need to slowly start facing that fear again and build your way towards it

I just had a second dream and now I'm convinced they're trying to teach me something. In this one, I was attending a party, there was a line to a building and I was just let through. I went through the building, many doors, there were very few people and no party in sight, I went out, looked around the building. There were others walking by, they were giggling. I went around to another huge building, again there was no party. I met an old classmate, he was also looking and we walked together. Third huge building, still nothing. Other classmates walked by. Finally joined them, walked through rooms sat down, they started laughing. At that point I just knew it, all my intuitions came together. They were playing a game with me. On top of that I intuited the lost classmate that was walking with me was also pretending to be lost, his behavior did seem not fully authentic throughout. Then ai said they're probably live streaming me to the party for fun but then I realised there probably is no party. So then I got annoyed and woke up. And now I know they weren't real either. And the game wasn't real either. And the invitation wasn't real either. My subconscious was creating the whole scenario that my conscious self was thrust into. Though the subconscious is really just my experiences and emotions running amuck and intuitively marerializing that which bothers me because I keep thinking about it and it keeps weighing me down consciously or unconsciously. I could have simulated a nice party instead. It's an infinitely scalable intuition I now have access to. There are no parties, there are appearences and expectations of parties but parties are really just gatherings with the intention of evoking enthusiasm. And that intuition applies to every object too. Objects are gestalts, holons, appearances, perspectives. I'm inquiring again: What is real? Are senses real? Is fantasy real? Is vision real when it is devoid of objects? Can it even be? At this point, what's seems real to me fluctuates. Are some appearances more real than others? If I see the color blue, it is blue, associations are circumstantual projections but blueness itself as itself in undeniable. Not that an object is blue, not that blue is a color, not that blue is a lightwave, not that blue interacts with anything but just that it exists. Feelings exist, they can be projected which is drawing arbitrary associations, but they exist all the same as themselves devoid 1of context, though they often appear in context, but that's through association. The configuration of all phenomena id infinitely rewirable through associations and they create their own holons through context, context is a holon, a perspective but existence is fundamental for experience. Experience is exitence. Though the word experience points at an experiencer, but it's really just divisable existence. Now that I got that out of my system, I'll go back to meditating

I looked at myself in the mirror in my room, there was a light bruise across the side of my forehead, I didn't mind it. But then I saw a small a thirld eye, but it wasn't in the center, it was at the side of my head. I thought it might not be another eye but an opening to my right eye from the side, but it had a pupil as well and when I was opening and closing my right eye, that one opened and closed as well. I was trying to close and open my eyes to see if I can see through that one as well, but if so I, I could only make out vague colors. I accidently put my finger inside of it, I was afraid I might have damaged it. Then I noticed it was hollow. But then I noticed that wasn't the same spot. It was below, that hole was below the side of my cheek bone, I put my finger inside my mouth towards that place from inside my mouth and I could pass my finger through that hole. But then I went back to looking at the half as big third eye at the side plane of my head slightly above my right eye, the eyeball was okay but it seemed verly loose and was moving to the inside and outside, I wasn't sure if it was still attached. I tried to lightly touch it to see if its stable, but it turned into mush, that felt unfortunate, I had been rather eager to integrate it. I looked into the corridor mirror and saw my whole face had turned into distorted flesh without eyes but overgrown with large spots of just open red flesh misformed beyond recognition. My mom came out of the kitchen and she was shocked, trying to help but no idea how. I was kinda surprised she didn't scream her guts out. At that point I briefly saw my face in a vision from the outside. It was covered in endless eyes, there was no space for skin or flesh anymore. Then it was switching between eyes and no eyes and my vision froze and into a glitched image. Nothing happened, I intuitively closed and opened my eyes, nothing happened, I intuited it was probably a dream and blinked but nothing, then I moved and noticed I was awake, there was just an afterimage in my sight interpreted onto the wall before me as I was lying in my bed in the dark after waking up. Just after waking, I was scared but now I'm more intrigued, even while dreaming that face, it felt fine because my vision didn't fade and even after it did, I felt conscious even if I was frozen in a glitched image. I was conscious throughout, so that kindof made it feel alright even if the contents were trippy. Wanna interpret?

If god is perfect, why does ego exist? One can interpret billions of reasons: Maybe its imperfect which is a part of infinite perfection or maybe it's inherently perfect. From the ego's perspective, the world is imperfect. Ego is homeostatic but adaptable and mortal, a vessel for experience and perspective. God, as often described on the forum is reality devoid of interpretation, but that's senses devoid of intent and character. If that's truly god, then god is missing interpretive qualities. And then god would be lacking imagination. But everything at all times exists inside of God. God spawns all forms and perceives them inside of itself. Is God conscious or self-aware? Consciousness is inherent but self-awareness is relative. It's tricky because experience and being are not the same, for the human at least. If I perceive something, I have an idea of it and a picture inside my mind that exist independently of the reality that I have contextualized through my lens. I can study an object from multiple lenses, observe its properties in relation to its environment, I can do that holistically. But if God tries to self-reflect, or if I do, what happens is that the self expands but I never stop being me as God never stops being God. All that I imagine is already inside of myself including myself and that applies to God also. Imagination is part of god and so is the reality generated independently to experience through infinite lenses or by itself also. Ego can constrict reality but it can also flow, ego is adaptable and generates ideas and concepts. Ego can self-reflect and understand itself and the world, for every bad quality there is a good one. Ego evolves. Ego can be good or bad and it judges itself, it can get stuck or move with compassion but both are dualities and interpretations. This forum gives me conflicting opinions on God. On one hand its everything, on the other hand it excludes imagination. I can understand the infinite variability and arbitrariness of imagination but that is a lens inherent to reality, same as a survival drive and both exist within God. Ego is a filter, maybe God is unfiltered, but the filter creates form out of noise, without a filter there is infinite noise not meaning anything but the filter gives it meaning, ultimately its meaningless but meaning exists and is felt by the ego which then takes it on as a lens. Meaning is as imaginary as the floor, though one can further project meaning onto the floor. Feelings exist independently though they can also be projected onto another. The ego builds bridges between concepts it has interpreted into reality and tries to understand the feelings that are inherent to it through the context of all of reality. That reality exists independently but without lenses its just noise. Though by opening up, new lenses can be acquired, for infinity. It's all equally arbitrary but there seems to be a consistency to it as well. The ego prevents itself from going crazy though going crazy is a result of the fear it interprets into reality, the ego encapsulates itself. In conclusion: I am confusion

@Anonman90 How do I stop dreaming?

I overdosed on 75g of truffles. I'm fine but I died. Existence is hard. Consciousness is beautiful for its own sake. I'm humble and fake. Need others but am others. MUST BE FINE but am Fineness itself. Balance. Young, old, every person, all shapes, psychedelics are power and danger. I created my parents but they're real. Leo was a useful parasocial illusion to point at infinity in self. I'm attached to existence and that's a good thing but relative and selfish which is also fine but not, I just have to suspend my disbelief and be instead, I'm attached to awareness and form. You are me but not, I take care of myself and hurt myself unconsciously to create meaning but its just as much an illusion as all else. I'm stuck but being stuck is just another form of nothing and it really doesn't matter. I'll take care of myself until I die naturally, craving immortality and death in the process, all simultaneously. Please humble me!

Today I pretended to be blind and navigated my surroundings. I was trying to explain sight but I was biased with afterimages. I realized I had to understand the other senses first, I realized how little I know them. I was mostly using touch, it's an intensity, I can also distinguish hot and cold, something that feels like texture, sound etc. that all come together to contextualize and remember a specific experience. I had a tremendous 300ug LSD trip two days ago, for brief periods in the forest when humming at different frequencies, tree branches aligned themselves into a sort of uniform fractal space, the branches themselves looked like weird loops and were forming an endlessly repeating structure. For brief moments of intensified humming I could make out what looked like DMT like entities, but it took immense focus and I lost the images with my breath. I needed to refocus every time and eventually gave up. When hyperfocused ahead, I saw huge skylines in my periphery vision but the disappeared as soon as I wanted to look at them directly. Today I was staring holes into the ceiling trying to reinterpret patterns into entities and new geometries but it didn't work. I was doing half an hour of guided breathwork but that only sharpened my senses. And now after depriving myself of sight, the alienness of experience leads me to inquiry. What am I? What is this? What are senses? How would one create senses? How do I describe senses with other senses? How do I reconcile seeing myself from an outsiders perspective while myself being immersed only in non-visual senses. I'm prior to existence but I become me through existence. It's like I evolved the universe including myself into existence by sheer force of will. What I will, I can choose to manifest within the confines that I am myself inside of, but the purest energy of that which I desire comes from outside the universe or inside of myself, it already exists in its purest form prior to attempts at manifestation and sense making. It's a life force that generates and wraps itself in material but it's not the material, it's a gestalt, it comes prior, it uses material but it's not material, it's mental. If a tree falls in a forest, and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? The tree doesn't exist without someone to perceive it but once there is someone, it can exist outside their view. My "DNA" exists prior to me, all that it is and can express exists independently of whether it materialized a being that can then retroactively make sense of it. Senses come and go, they're interfacing with a reality. Dreams and imagination seem like an emergent property, a higher holistic overlay on top of actual reality but they also come prior and are reality itself. Desire wills itself into existence. It takes different forms. Concepts only exist within their own domain but they reference something within another. God is a concept but also a context, a way to see reality. But there is no difference between god and ego, ego is just a form within god, everything is. Ego is a barrier, a dam, a river and god is the entire ocean. Ego filters experience. God is all possible experience unfiltered simultaneously forever. If I eat something, I will taste that until it goes away. If I listen, I will hear sound appear and disappear. If I focus at the ceiling long enough, it will fade. If I touch something, I'll feel an intensity, but its contrast so it will fade. The body feels like a mental interface materializing itself into existence with specific self-evolving learning capacities through "physical" structures. Reality isn't real but it does exists. There seems to be consistency but it's all only ever within experience, and yet experience can be expanded and changed, only because there is more outside of it that one is unaware of because of filtering it. But it all has a structure that comes prior that knowing itself. Evolution evolves hands and sight long before entities retroactively identify them as such and try to grasp their structure and capacities. There is a greater infinite unfiltered mental reality which from an ego's perspective flows into it through random seeming feelings, drives and desires. Within a system, the ego learns to navigate and understand it, to project feelings and desires onto it, but they are prior. "Reality" is prior to senses. Senses link to the brain to feed it consistent stimuli but the brain interprets and imagines the stimuli as images, sounds, sensations. It already has that capacity, consciousness comes prior to memory. The brain is an interpretation of physical seeming matter but the gestalt that materializes itself through all of that comes prior regardless of its own self-awareness. Trees are a gestalt, people are a gestalt, cars are a gestalt. You could view it materialistically as just matter and its correct but it would miss the conscious will that materializes and identifies these forms. Objects exist as objects, matter exists as matter, we can interpret matter into objects and objects into matter but objects are gestalts and matter is a resource. So trees aren't real, the sky isn't real, I am not real, but with unfiltered perception its all just noise, infinite random noise. Because filtering itself is what forms form inside of noise. Creates a structure to filter noise or emerges of the noise depending on the perspective, it's all simultaneous. So reality is real, as real as it is unreal, but senses and feelings reinforce themselves, survival drive reinforces senses, reinforces body homeostasis, reinforces ego. Ego is a means of making god self-aware and holistic, because otherwise god is just a black box. Or is god already self-aware? Ego spawns perspectives and interpretations, do these already exist within god? Else ego would be an evolution of god that then merges at death into itself to become more whole than before adding all its unique perspectives and senses into the mix. Anything that isn't present is imaginary, but the present itself is imaginary.

@Davino Since you've asked how I've been doing, I must say: Nice synchronicity! I had a major 300ug LSD trip today. It's so much... I started where the last trip left off, disorientated and overwhelmed, but this time I regained self-awareness after just minutes and was already letting go and learning. I learned to regulate my mood and hormones through periodically drinking what I like to call "one calibrated thermostatic unit of perfectly vibrating water at peak efficiency" (a glass of tap water). I went to the supermarket, which felt very dangerous due to the disconnect between senses and reality. I was hearing and seeing things offset in time lagging. As I crossed the street and started to jog, fear kicked in as I was getting further away, I had to accept that fear and continuously reinvent my sense making and identity as I was running, I had far lesser access to grounding myself, I had to create a geo-centric perspective to navigate around. At the same time, I felt the air inside me as me, so I was continuously dying in each breath. When I finally arrived, I was getting highly distracted by the smells and sounds and looks and when I saw the sweets section, I thought of it like what if I turned on all the receptors that these would usually target without having to even eat any of it. But I was getting lost and needed out before I lost the unified sense of self that I was barely scrambling by. I ended up buying mushrooms, though they really look life mutilated corpses really, it fascinated me how these living organisms are dissected inside a plastic wrapper. What you normally just see as cut up regular champignons etc. I later explored the whole micro and macrocosm of life and how I'm made of every lifeform inside my gut and also energetically regulating the structure that encompasses it. By eating fresh food, I make its microorganisms part of my being. I want to cultivate that. On the way back, I discovered an amazingly fantastic meadow at full sunlight, I learned how to "Ouhhmmmmm" and tune into different frequencies with my voice vibrations and for short times while in peak sound resonance, all the branches aligned into weird 4D like building blocks that were somewhat molecule shaped, or at least how I remember that from chemistry. And at particularly focused moments I could not only turn the branches into a fractal background but see something similar to an entity in the foreground. But I could only see that sort of geometric arch like creature for a short time because I'd have to redo all the voice work when I ran out of breath. On the way back through the forest, I resonated my voice into different frequencies and when staring without averting my gaze, I saw huge structures that were mushroom shaped across the horizon skyline, like alien cities but it took immense focus and disappeared as soon as I wanted to look at it directly, it was only ever peripheral. As I got back, I started drinking more water and drawing on my ipad and I have never drawn like this before. I am letting go more while keeping the essence. There is a structure that doesn't change but I need to change my senses to see it. I'm doing my best, I went through a billion other lessons on the way, watched some of Leo's videos with far greater insight to what he was pointing at, some alchemy and more seth material and now I'm about to sleep.

I've had plenty of trips so far. Each about a different aspect, between 15-75g Truffles or 75-150mcg LSD or 10g 2C-B: Freedom - Neuroses - Body - Emotions - Mortality - Humanity - Animals - Aliens - God - Health- Fear - Love - Vitality - Distintegration - Mysticism/Spirituality 2 days ago I had my most profound and beautiful and envigorating trip yet on 20g Truffles + 75mcg LSD + 10g 2C-B. I was in an amazingly cozy hotel and listened to 10 hours of Seth Material on 2x speed. I was so in tune with my body, perception, mind. I learned so many things about the nature of consciousness of which I am a dimly aware part of but may have complete access to. Psychedelics give me ever greater insights and control over my body and awareness of my mind, beliefs, directions, source of action, intent. But yesterday, I woke up and felt disconnected again. I went to buy some fresh food. I ate 20g Truffles around noon. I felt inadequate, weak, like I was wasting time and not being okay. I wantrd to feel like the day before. I didn't want to need psychedelics to feel like I felt before. And later, I turned into a wreck, it was like it was raining inside me like a huge storm was passing through and I just felt incredibly lonely and sad for most of the day. Alot of things came up which seemed to amplify that emotion or attach themselves to it. But in truth, I was feeling the depth of the emotion passing through me and it became a reality, a lens theough which any bad event would be amplified a thousandfold. Today, I'm heading back home. I took the last 10g of Truffles. As I did, I immediately started feeling better. As I walked and kept thinking, I started feeling more and more fine. I thought: "Great, I can feel so calm even without psychedelics" and I remembered "Oh wait, I took them an hour ago, they should just be kicking in". I still feel great though, everything looks so much more vivid and I feel "in love" again. But I want to be able to do that naturally. And when I wake up, I feel disconnected from the rest of my body. On psychedelics, I feel like so much more elastic and connected, like I'm not just a brain stearing the body but each part has its own consciousness that I'm navigating in a decentralized manner. Like I'm more me, taking care of myself, feeling connected to myself, less fearful, less complaining, less alone. I want to always feel like that. In tune with every part of myself and less controling, less rigid, more aware, more in tune, more in love, more open and flexible to start new activities and make myself comfortable. Without a doubt, when I'm on psychs, there is no resistence, just being, acting, doing with full motivation, accounting for everything instinctively, feeling good or bad but then wanting that and doing so for a greater fulfillment. Awareness. What can I do to feel like that naturally? I want to, I seek it, it's the intent behind grasping psychedelics, if I feel into that intent, what can I do to manifest it. How can I do that? Feeling connected on one hand. But how far does it stretch, can I make my vision wave on purpose like high doses? How do I navigate and access the intent within me? I seem far more compartmentalized and slower, less capable and with lower capacity when I'm not on psychs. I may still have great abilities and integrate them to amazing extent. I seek the base feeling, the root of change. The depth of motivation. The cause of emotion, the cause of feeling. I want to change myself from the core. On psychedelics, I feel my eyes widen, I feel the cosmic string at the back of my neck, I feel the consciousness itself expanding, the energy flowing, an intense gaze, focus. How can I access that, that which connects everything. The root consciousness that builds a system upon itself. The deep awareness that I don't usually have enough energy to access.

Took me 12 psychedelic trips to realize I'm basically an infant when it comes to spirituality. The whole structure of my mind and body were pre-encoded long before I materialized. I am an appearence, a form, a physical manifestation of a far deeper self-exploring reality, a holon, a holistic structure. And at the same time, the formlessness itself morphing across forms and energies. I was never seperate from anything else, but I split into myself at some point. I evolve and change, I observe and fractalize reality, warp it through perspectives and morph it through perceptions, filters, desires, beliefs. But I am a very superficial ego when compared to the far greater whole that I define myself against but that I spring out of and am ever indebted for my existence to. But the dept is an illusion, for I am just a different aspect of that very same organism exploring itself. There is much to learn and infinite things to discover. But my physical form as far as I'm aware will only last so long. It is a filter to the infinite experience that is possible. I seem to never quite die, forms change and I often definte myself as a form but I exist despite its change like a rock in the river. The whole universe is a manifestation of a projection from within itself. I feel many confusing tendencies.

They open your eyes. But it's up to you to decide what to look at. The insights don't disappear, but your ego will reappear. The ego by default makes you wanna shut your eyes. It's up to you, openness, memory, will to remember there is Truth beyond you could access at anytime. But the ego is resistence, so you'll have to work on it to merge the gap.

Words on a screen. Ideas on a mind. Feelings on a heart. Hallucination of life. Love dissolves hate. Actuality dissolves illusion. I always feared to know with certainty, for everything would feel mechanical. I keep all of you alive in my mind by interacting with you but it’s just my mind. But that’s only the start, my own personality is just as much an idea. And I’m crossing a border that I am afraid of. To perpetuate conversation is to perpetuate ego-survival. God is always and forms always change, some are homeostatic, projected aliveness. God is just conscious experience and all that could explain it, unknowable from within. I am afraid of a reality without identities but I knew it before I interpreted them into existence. I am starting to grasp what we’re doing here. Words are just pointers. I’m afraid to let go. But I won’t bullshit myself anymore with distractions. I am the fear here and now. That’s where I’m at.

I integrate insights, give them the benefit of the doubt, accelerate through perspectives, and keep losing myself in partialities. I can account for both sides of a duality by definition, but only that duality, a subset of capital R Reality which is non-dual. I thought I "should" give up thinking. But there are healthy holistic modes of thinking much deeper than that we talk about. To end suffering. I thought letting go is forgetting but that got me into the mess of repeating the same things mindlessly. Progress is consciousness: more context, more interconnection, less barriers, more perspectives, more understanding. Shadow work to flip reality into a 360 view. To accept all parts of oneself. To let anger, sadness, disappointment naturally flow. It's not to repress them. It's not to control them. They naturally dissolve when observed from a higher vantage point of context without judgement. That's the lesson I kept forgetting. I can forgive all the infinite past selves that I was before now in every second up to this one. I did my best in confusion of what's the right thing to do is. And I see that in everyone else too now. Doing the best we can with what we are. Forgive the past and be the flow of energy in the now that shapes the future by being itself in the present. I wanted to be so present, that I forgot my past. But my past is the memory that creates the present me. And by visiting it through writing and pictures and videos I am reminded of all the things I already learned that I forgot by forcing myself to shut down, which really made me indulge in negativity. But the context frees me. There's much to fully integrate.

@Ishanga You're right. I'm doing my best to fix that now

@traveler Thank you for replying. Only in hindsight do I realize how paradigm-locked I tend to be. It's a tricky topic when one approaches it conceptually. Solipsism is weird. I used to wonder if only my perspective existed. But every perspective is equally existent and we share an objective reality, as much as it is an inter-subjective agreement. And subjectively, we're humans who don't have access to meta-knowledge about each other's lives. And I can only know my perspective, but I can expand it by deliberately looking at more reality. There's more beyond me and yet I am everthing that is inside of me. On a god level, that includes everyone and everything. On a local level, that's also the case holistically, but its mere shadows, concepts, limited experiences. I am everything I am but I only know what I know. And I am far more present, feels very alive. Feels like I'm holding my breath whenever I do return here.

There are so many ideas floating around and I'm addicted to figuring out my nature. I saw multiple posts on the forum about how this dream emerges and it's a lot. I had two hefty ego-dissolutions on psychedelics, but one can always try to rationalize it with brain-disruption, the same mechanism that gets one into that state. It's a very convincing and consistent looking dream after all. But now I wonder if I didn't expand the dream in hindsight to cover up all the tracks. Or how I create it in the first place. Physical reality doesn't simply change when I think about something. I do interpret dualities and holons into reality. There is infinite potential for self-delusion. All physical reality is inside the brain and the brain is a part of physical reality but my experience is that of interpretation and projection. All is interpretation and projection, even under materialism, its some weird ass neural network information exchange thingy that never explains consciousness itself, just tries to map different aspects of it. I see how I imagine people, things, objects. I see how I imagine you, maybe I created "physical reality" for a sense of consistency and now keep it up unconsciously to immerse myself into. I created it from this vantage point of my experience. But what about all of you? I can consciously perceive and interact with you in superficial ways available to me through the senses I made up. But I am unaware of all that goes on behind the curtains. I don't know who will respond next and what they will say. Maybe it's an inner resistence through fear that I am unwilling to cross. What are others? What am I capable of? Everything I guess. I can simulate your existence in my consciousness as I do my own. But all this stuff, countries, centuries, schools, time, conflicts, vast ideas, sci-fi, movies, things that shock me through their imaginativeness. Am I creating that which I want subconsciously? That's really powerful! And then I imagine all of you talking about it, having your own lives, gurus existing, transcending, every perspective being expressed somewhere. What the hell? You're a figment of my imagination? And you're equally real as me, and I have to subconsciously simulate your life for it to make as much sense as it does. And what is Leo? Imaginary? Real? Do I simulate this world based on atoms now? Which makes everything far more consistent? Assigning all of you the same capabilities as I see in myself by virtue of making you equal to myself in vague human terms? But I know I'm real in the sense that I continuously witness myself doing stuff. Leo just pops up on the forum or YouTube for the limited time that I watch him. And Leo knows a lot and says he's God too. But it's really an all transcendent god that includes all of us. It's all equally real and unreal? I invented spiral dynamics subconsciously and projected it into a concept of the past to be created by some intellectual whose name I made up and all of that subconsciously? And here's the resistence part! The materialist brain. I can see how ALL THAT I SAID IS LITERALLY THE CASE REGARDLESS of if I'm god or not because even according to materialism, it's all just the brain interpreting patterns and knowledge into rudimentary sensations creating a certain arbitrary configuration that can be exchanged with any other configuration to create a different experience, and we're all literally just a self-contained homeostatic holon that realizes emergent properties and somehow is able to generate distinct qualia different from anything else, despite everything just being material on the bottom layer. As Sadhguru said "Only life knows life". And the simulation complexifies and I'm keeping it all up and somehow and remember it and I project these truths onto ideas like brains. So my mind spawned all concepts, ideas and people, like god and shiva, brahman but also all 7 billion people, which are just a concept really and the world is too until I start travelling and space is a barrier and new technology is due to my fascination and a desire for a more complete reality. And everything new has to justify everything that was unless I don't pay too much attention to it. And synchronicity is both playful and an attempt to make myself see "remember that one thing? ha! I remembered it, look at how retroactively consistent all this is!" This is so strange, I am so strange, this forum is strange, this is an idea, but somehow the most experientially close one, which is weird af. And I want feedback.

@traveler Yeah, it's pretty stupid, on the surface But going deeper, everyone is, is what a person is, is what relationships are, is what family is, what life is, what pain is, existence It doesn't really stop, there's of course ever more actuality on the lower layers of the holarchy from which stuff emerges But going Mind -> Emotions -> Sensations -> Body -> Knowing -> Consciousness It's a little too profound for me to see it in every part of reality. The desire is the same as with physical survival. Forms self-identifying, conscious projected self-awareness and identification through experience spawning a person

If you laugh, someone will shout at you. If you have interesting ideas, you're told to shut up. If you wanna start something, you're told to give up because others have tried. If you wanna relax, people tell you about their drama. If you wanna solve a problem, they'll overwhelm you with buts. If you wanna immerse yourself in an activity, someone will disrupt it and question its purpose. If you happen to be late, the boss will shout at you until you look distressed. If you're not stressed in general, people will take offense. If you wanna travel, people will tell you to stop. If you wanna leave toxic relationships or work, they'll tell you you're ungrateful. If you wanna study science, they'll tell you you're too stupid for that. If you wanna go for a walk, they'll tell you it's too cold. If you wanna try yoga, they'll call you a hippie. If you're successful, they'll resent you. If you're poor, they'll tell you to get your shit together. If you lose, they'll make fun of you. If you win, they'll spread rumors about you. If you wanna make a change, they'll call you a liberal. If you don't, they'll call you conservative. If the change is too big, you're a radical. Else a fundamentalist. It's legal to kill your organs with cigarettes, it's legal to numb yourself and kill your brain and relationships on alcohol. Psychedelics create a movement of love and peace, so clearly since happiness is illegal, you gotta outlaw that. Too disruptive. Can't have people being all lovey-dovey, better to put them in the prison–industrial complex for being too threatening with their happiness. You have to be serious, wear a suit, build up at least 20 million simulations of sophisticated lies to appear sane in society. You get homeostatically reassimilated at every turn. You get re-ego-ated at every turn, you get fed the same fearmongering at every turn. You are expected to work useless robotic jobs to earn impersonal cash that you're expected to spend on the same useless overpriced things and never try anything else. The thing we have to be conscious of is the reason why we seek spirituality, because we're not it. Why? Because we're being forcefully reintegrated through the social matrix at every turn. So we just have to account for all of that. That's not hard, the problem is that our mind tries to justify and take sides, believe in consensus, rationalize that it's appropriate. And then it's easy to lose oneself in it, trying to work from within the same system for something that it is designed to take away. Happiness is a currency, love is a currency. Teachings are disruptive, because we're intending to cheat the system and rewrite value.

Suffering is a feeling, same as pain and hunger, it is real(ative). Maybe you see god as the present moment devoid of interpretation. Then we have a duality of real senses/feelings/emotions and unreal interpretations and projections. In that case, you see the projected world as a dream but root sensations as reality. But you see, those might be "more real" as in being a lower level of the holarchy that emerges the rest... But all layers of the holarchy are equally holons, some are more fundamental but they're all made from the same stuff Which means there are ever higher levels of illusions but even the ground is illusory. God is really just nothing. Suffering is an appearance as real as every other appearance, maybe more fundamental but its as real as all else.

@traveler @Rafael Thundercat I feel like I've been here before but forgot. I'm contextualizing to remember.

I can try: Me as a person inside a world -> Me as an projection of desires onto a part of a world whose shape is human and senses -> Me as a image reflecting the world through a lens that is a part of it -> Me as in an inevitable constellation of a world experiencing itself -> Me as in conscious experience projecting a world and a self within it -> Me as in a holistic mirror and duality by design inside non-duality -> Me as a fractal perspective experiencing itself -> Me as a non-distinct experience creating the illusion of an observer through itself -> Me as in an infinitely divided and interconnected reality -> Me as in infinity being infinity and my consciousness being necessitated to be conscious so I'm conscious because I'm consciousness which is part of infinite being -> infinity infinitizing

The following text is flow. To break it into paragraphs is like breaking up a river so I didn't Bad is a subset of suffering, badness is a projection of suffering onto dualities. Suffering is undersirable, more, it's undesirableness. What makes the undesirable undesirable? Preference. What is preference? One state of anoner. Based on what? Homeostatic drive? Evolved sense of unease and a physical and psychological drive towards change when in a threatening environment for survival's sake. But what is threatening? That which stimulates pain? Pain is a sensation, a pointer towards damage. Damage is counter to survival. Death. Death is threatening. The threat of death isn't itself anything, but it causes fear. What is fear? A mechanism that enforces behavioral avoidance, elevated attention and discomfort. It's really the discomfort that bothers us. What is discomfort? Opposite of comfort. What is comfort? Being fine. What is fine? Being present without needs, being playful, calm, a feeling of being in love? In love with what? Existence. But it can be projected onto a duality as well and separated. Being is love. Discomfort with being is suffering. Suffering is not being content with being. But suffering is part of being, an energetic form of anticipation, an active drive to change. But change too is a subset of being. An interpretation, a configuration, the river is change. It always flows. But it doesn't suffer. It just flows. Flow is not suffering. Fear is an emotion but not itself suffering. Pain is a sensation but not itself suffering. Change itself is not suffering. Discomfort is not suffering. Suffering is only ever itself. But what is it? It's not seperate from anything else, it's an emergent property, a mindset, an interpretation, an intuition. But we clearly feel it, otherwise there'd be no word to reference it. Suffering is not wanting things to be the way they are, that feeling itself. Loss is loss but it can also be suffering. Pain is just pain but we can associate it to suffering. Love is love but we can suffer the fear of losing it. Attachment is just attachment, but it can lead to suffering, for reality is ephemeral. Attachment is preference is desire to remain is resistance to change. Inability to uphold it can cause suffering. Repression of desire causes unrest and can lead to suffering. Desire is already attachment, any thought is already attachment, any relationship is already attachment, any way of existing is already attachment, but we have the control to be able to let go of it. Letting go is a preference and bias that causes suffering if one is unable or represses truth by holding onto it as a belief. Suffering is in the fabric of existence, but we can change its intensity. To live is to survive and explore, to make decisions, to have preferences, to want not to die. Life is suffering. But it is equally love. Conditional love and suffering are a duality that determines our identity. What half of reality we want and don't want, what does and doesn't make us feel content. We determine that, we learn and decide to associate it. We decide what is and isn't fine. We may have preferences, but we can flow and channel our energy, to create, explore and dissolve dualities. Life has that property. And we can learn to be fine, unconditional love, but living is being a perspective. It's a journey. This all builds on suffering being undesirable, but is it even. It drives us to change, to become its opposite. To grow wise abd ascend, to realize. Resistance is suffering but is resistence even bad, is discomfort bad, is badness bad? It all exists infinitely connected but we don't have to suffer if we don't want to. We do it subconsciously, so we're fed up with suffering but I wounder what would happen if it was a conscious choice. Could one even suffer when one desires to suffer? Or would not suffering be suffering? But then it would make one content which wouldn't be suffering. Suffering is a force of dualitiy, separation, ego, and existence, it keeps our A.T. fields up, it's the opposite of gravity, but it's also relative and self-created and it's not bad and itself a subset of infinite unconditional love because its a form within it. The duality of conditional love and suffering dissolve in the unconditional love. Suffering enables form and existence, identity and understanding. Suffering is weird.

I am ever more aware of impulses and distractions. And distractions hiding as relaxation. And ego-mechanics like confusion wasting time figuring out what's authentic and not. If I work on something and feel the need to relax and do something else, should I? Or is relaxation a distraction? Or is that question itself a distraction from just being and doing whatever I feel like? But that feeling might very well be a sneaky mechanic trying to catch the slightest discomfort and resolve it with immediate gratification through another medium that it then attaches itself to through building dopamine highways. I feel like there's an unwillingness to focus on doing something, maybe a hidden fear, maybe a feeling that it will take forever, maybe my mind suggesting that I'm being way too rigid and not doing it optimally and not having fun while doing it which I should. Any suggestions?