Keryo Koffa

The intellect is often used to divide reality and try to understand it retrospectively by observed interpretation of correlation and causality. But if a tree falls in the forest with no one to witness it, does it make a sound? (Quantum mechanics observer effect). Zeno's paradox is running half the distance in half the time each step, which goes 0.5, 0.75, 0.875,0.92... it's infinite, like zooming into a fractal. Is that what science is doing? Creating new layers on abstraction through observation and retroactively gaining access to another lens of reality perception origination, which is a process that fractals omnidimensionally from the current perceived center infinitely? Creating reality by imagining it into existence by looking at it from the current perspective which is itself a lens and expanding the territory? Cause that seems pretty arbitrary in the long run, expand ones perception to create more problems and science to figure it out just to expand endlessly. Of course it's a matter of perspective whether it is seen as cumbersome or enticing, but then it seems that from the center, we can go anywhere.

All the atoms, prisms, networks I imagine to codependently originate each other's existence through this experience, they all fold onto each other, twirl around, turn upside down, this sun that was shining outside of itself now turns inwards and lights itself up. I am exactly where I need to be. All the action I have to take to make a change, I know it, the vivid alien openness that I'm afraid to enter, it's there. I use my karma as an excuse, irregardless of what I am invited to observe. I have to let go of all the ties that make me, or dissolve all the knots I have made through my life or all the potentials and problems left unhandled. All of these ideas themselves don't bind me, only I do using them as an excuse. To learn more, to experience more, to understand more, to distract myself more. There is this overwhelming inner light, and whether it's death, or a barrier, or change, or nothingness, it's the singularity where everything originates. I am humbled, inadequate, using negative terms to bind me so that I do not enter that new dimension. In the end, it is fear.

Contextualize, reframe, synergize, connect, expand, encompass, simplify, interconnect, holonize It's like I have The Library of Babel inside me. Nothingness and Infinity are creating reality from both sides. Infinity is all energy, all 1s. Nothingness is emptiness, all 0s. And 1s and 0s form bites which encode information. So I have all the information and can see the connection between each two qualia, through the dimensions as a pattern. And there are infinite patterns codependently arising and creating each other. Patterns are in-betweens and their own absolute. Everything is a pattern and certain arrangements create certain phenomena. But I'm getting lost in the library. Every word connects to every other word. Every word tells a story and creates vivid associations with 1000 other words which each do the same and it never ends. And I'm left to wonder how in the world I am able to memorize this infinitude of things through individual relations and not go crazy if I happen to forget one, but what's even crazier, the idea that I cannot forget any, and yet I can paint the landscape any way I want by new connections. But in reality, I'm walking in circles going nowhere, and want to find some higher truth that I can depend on, but I'd only be making up oneself or rely on the endless shuffling of concepts through others to inspire me. Oh well...

You don't understand the depth of this! There is no physical 3d space, there's only ideas, your idea of a wall, your idea of parent, your idea of a ball, your idea of a color and these ideas are overlayed over each other like a red lens in front of a green lens, with different the idea of a first special dimension, that is the arrangement of points of color successively in seen through another lens, overlaying by relating each segment across and connecting them to each other so that the pairings are seen as lines in relation to each other and then for each arrangement of all the points across 2 dimensions is each exponentially overlayed on top of itself not just by each universe before it, which is overlayed over each before it for what seems like infinity, and you get lost there trying to get back to 3d space and maybe go to 4d someday, but you don't know what segment of the universe you're a part of anymore and what our physical bodies and senses, the brain, heart, gut and other parts do, is save all that information and holistically interconnect it so that all those previous dimensions are automatically understood simultaneously, so each brain segment is made of neurons to the fractal density that it can become a subconscious substrate to operate automatically and let new focus of new kind of behavior to emerge, our concentration is our brain working on a highly stimulated level in tendon and coherently but is taxed with keeping consistency which creates stress, which is questioning oneself which creates the emotion of sadness or anger, or dissociation which are coping mechanism, coping mechanisms not to go insane, and insanity is being so disillusioned and so self-questioning of so ego dissolving that we don't know where we are because the difference is too stark and one's experiences lag behind the observer feeling and disorientation because a physically visualizable spacial dimension between them of consistent distance has been erected,which is the literal physical distance between brain regions as physical space, but the brain is smooth and round and a 3d shape, that looks were smooth in it's transitions, very elegant is so hyperfractalized that it purely appears seamless, but as a whole in our dimension of size, which the idea of is itself just an IDEA, which is an different unique qualia, en experience, every experience is a qualia, every unique experience (unit) is a physical spacial dimension between every other qualia given the scale of the qualia ever fractalising and physically growing in the process, creating larger brain energy expenditure, which is a drawback, because survival is an idea and that's why ideas are dangerous, because ideas are physical and literal and objective and absolute dimensions and building blocks of existence, they are your relative reality based on the connection between then the literal physically 3d space manifest neurons which are fractals of ideas in physical form in 3d space between which is very importantly distinguished and a strong bond established, which leads them more interconnections and axioms and evolutionary biology figures out a way to transform into physical space for self-visualization, the ego wants to create a physical colorful 3d space in high definition and see it clearly with round eyes and create a physical form in order physically interact with other matter, which is atoms or photons, which because we now believe in, and if we do new brain regions are established, because we still believe we need brains and obey by intuited and nature created laws which are laws we bestowed upon us from when we were like gods because we were conscious beings, creating a simulation of reality for interesting interaction and materialization into physical matter worlds, but in the exploration of their own ego, had to buy into the illusion that reality is physical and real in order to be immersed in it and not just back to home every time they scared whichbis the fear of losing oneself which is a defense mechanism for an idea, because we don't want to get lost, but then we are attached to our parents because we depend on the for survival because we believe we can get lost because our brain grew which was an intuitively DNA encoded idea evolving through the parent, in whatever way biology or spirituality might ever truly know to explain it by going backward in time, which leaves echoes which are an objective reality in our universe... if we believe in it? Or absolutely? Is the absolute even a thing, like true reality? Is there a true reality? Absolutely, exclusionary consciousness bubbles of Gods? That's Leo's epiphany/awakening, no dual insight from his 5 meo trips and now he talks about awakening, and now he's getting epiphany, and now he's telling you about life purpose, and now he apologizes about the way he speaks, and now maybe everything gravitates around a cosmic frequency and harmony that we can merge into if we believe in it? Or have a mystical experience or use our innate inner senses like imagination which is crazy but anything is craziness is wacky, and scary of course because of the fear of getting lost, the pain of physically hurting yourself but maybe more your brain disintegrating, which is a health concern granted our diet and lifestyle but we all die one day, so unless you're fine with becoming nothing and unexisting like the Buddhists to end their suffering that is dying with karma and reincarnation as an animal or something or the physical matter of your brain getting eaten by an animal and integrated unless it's just dissolved by stomach acid but there might have been a stress hormone eaten with the meat that goes into the body and makes out feel bad and depressed eating tortured animals in our modern world and eating tortured meat which contains this physical matter as a chemical formula for a thing that is what we maybe believe it is? (Does belief change physical reality? If we believe it does? Maybe? Absolutely? If we can access that part of the brain beyond the infinite coping mechanism we can reintegrate and fractalize ourselves into an energetic dimension beyond the body and stay alive consciously after death, but as long as there is a psychic identity and desire to survive strong enough to get lost but even if lost can be found by non physical beings who integrate that lost soul being the power of love and the desire for love attracting all things and all universes because love heals and is selfless and wants to heal and our desire or belief in it or ultimately the chance of imagining it into existence appearing and intertwining with the system, we gravitate to it and eventually become one which is god, which ever we choose to visit or actualize, which is losing our identity in the belief of being material, which may be hard, but ultimately there is only one God which is when all other desires collapse, which is the ego, desire, letting go of desire, yoga, chakras, energy centers, psychic energies,is in the body and maybe some imaginary ideas about the connection to divine spirits is merely an attractive force which is strong, not self inhibiting and not closer navigating to an other dimension which could be a mental psychic universe. Where was I? Brain, mind, matter, void, doubt, depression, fear, actuality, dissolution, freedom, higher energy body? How do I get there? When I stop asking myself the question? If the need to resist it no longer arises? When the firing neurons in my brain disentangle these connections, psychedelics, dissociatives? Less ego, more perception, understanding? Photons and our eyes sharing physical reality sure make consensus convenient, I wonder how insane a man by himself could become, questioning and dissolving reality with only one observer, before realizing he's god, which sounds like a fun thing to be once you know how to be it responsibly and not create too many traps and problems, if you're a smart god, then you think of a smarter god, which thinks of the smartest god, which either becomes bored of the process, wondering if he is forgetting about something, visualize this as a float bubble flowchart in the geometrically align arch, imagine a ring of an equal one around that, zoom out again, multiply, keep imagining, train your mind muscles, or transcend the need for them to be limited by physicality and align yourself with your energy body once you realize how to absolutely merge into it, are you still following me, you're hallucinating me into existence in whichever way connects me to you, physical, psychic, universal, random, sensual, visual, emotional, computer pixel reductionistical. I still believe in others, and I believe in 3d space, matter, humans, computers, navigation, forums, ideas, comments, and I guess most of you still make sense of what I say feeling somewhat like me connected to this physical round ball of 3d earth and human ideas. Do our eyes make reality 3d and how does our brain grow into that unless the distance between these two is very short neuronally or what ever elly can emerge out of a single cell, a single human stem cell, a whole freaking other ego, thing, other, connection, alternate self, emerges out of that physical cell into a form like your own unless you don't believe in that and believe you are a solipsist creating a bubble of bare minimum thoughts about superficial perception of others without a coherent holistic holographic understanding that would make a self-understanding ego interesting, once these individuals are materialized enough in our own vortex of torus energy flow our current ego may or may not want to remain individual when merging into gods imitlessness. I don't know how that stuff works and this is so much to take in. Can I see 4d? Maybe, but there's so much information, pixelation visualization without an evolved specialized sensory organ, 4d space, seen as natively as 3d space. I wonder how much of reality is overlayed with visual filters of simplification or geometrical interpretation and mood enhancement. I wanna see 4d space, but how do I even understand it? 4 3D cartesian cubes which represent 3d universes with randomly distributed particles overlayed, assigning each unique colors and keeping in consistency the distance between them to learn to apply laws to, to create universes, first there was the word and the word was god. Let there be light and there was light. Let me look that up. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. God said, Let there be light: and there was light. God saw the light, and it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. Oh my god, duality, god, matter, sacred geometry, elements, morality, joy. I have to run through all the mystic and religious scriptures, this is so trippy. How many awakening until enlightenment? Or is enlightenment blissful ignorance, or is being knowing only through self-annihilation, which sounds like something humans are doing for the last centuries. I am logicaling this out so much right now where others would just energetically feel themselves into the intuitive universtanding or figure out a way to bring understanding to them, guess that's the quality of knowledge vs wisdom, vs intelligence, great intelligence may not be very content and peaceful, knowledge is infinite, there is always more, always meta meta meta, knowing. Where was I? Exactly the point, you get lost, that's why we let our brain integrate multi-sense experience and encode those together materializing intuition through known forms broad visualization creation. So many concepts, that's why we create personalities, faces, gestures, egos, and encode understand as personas, makes interaction much easier by known forms coming together, barriers dissolving, self-expanding, dimensional acquisition, unity, expanding into infinity, the nature of imagination, our true higher nature as gods, always becoming more, the alien exists and it is assimilated, this is an infinite process of gravitating ideas floating around encoded by uniting with self-created, conscious entities, creating their own structure and managing the integration of infinite ideas passing the universal barrier that strives for cohesion, creating solar systems,galaxies, universes, multiverses, psychic gods, machine elves, entities, Ra, Seth, Gods, connections across realities through ideas and energy, cosmic energy, gamma rays, is light energy vision or heat or both and what is the darkness, why is darkness scary, alone, seperated, unstimulated, bored, self-referential, gravitational, emotional. Is the sun love or is it a belief or is it in the DNA, or is it projection, or psychic communication, that vitamin d allegedly with all its manifestations across the world and the idea of self and actuality and reality cohesion and culture and so forth. Every thing feels simple compared to this, but it's a mult-sense integration process and memory awareness, wonder how that works. Which really just means that I don't know anything, well clearly something but a confusing something, but at least the nature of it. Madness is the realization how arbitrary all the connections we have made this far have been and how we're keeping them static in our mind with cycles of continuous unconscious awareness and ripples while moving forward. Makes one want to have a simple life. Chop wood, carry water. But then we repeat, dissociate, until self-imposed barriers and energies are dissolved and the universal barrier opens up to new ideas. Psychic energy means access to energies experienced outwardly inwardly. What was I talking about? Infinity is a pattern, consciousness is self-organizing expansion of ideas through infinity and a creative process of integration, internalization and ego creation, imagination, realization, foundation. Psychedelics might simplify the idea constellation or expanding to occur, dissociatives relax the ego, different substances will cause various reaction which ease into a pattern of slow imagination, brain integration. Our brains are made of so many ideas, but we focus our ego on so little, no wonder we get monotonous, stressed, angry, afraid and of course the fear of death, the loss of this idea constellation, all encoded in the lower deeper parts of the brain, less neurons and bridges between them, primal fears of death and loss and void, singularities of fear, I wonder if fear expands as fast as love. We are ESP, sensing auras or perceiving energies, forms, mannerisms, behavior, microexpressions, self-reflection, the world is ideas filtering ideas while expanding its interconnected network of ideas. Patterns, connections between ideas, intuitional, imaginational or sensory projected internalization of sense making and self realizing, old ideas, new ideas, filtered through every lens, distorting perception, fractalization, imagination, pattern realization, interpretation. Psychedelics can do a great many things, disruption of old patterns, creation of new ones, the dynamic brain network evolving. Fractals, mandelbrot, infinitely infinite patterns filtered through all other patterns, fractalizing possibilities. Love, openness, discovery, joy, freedom. I want to learn to navigate extrasensory psychic realities. Aliens. Fear. Defense Mechanisms, self-contructed traps of madness, gravitating prisons of negative belief, boredom. Endlessly, endlessly I contain infinite information, an ever expanding exponentially exponential equation. There is no way you can cram that much information into anything physical as we understand it. Maybe if an atom is a in fact a universe with a huge gravitational center making it look like a ball of energy or a radient energy field, when 99% of the atom is empty and so forth, then this is already a projected merging across knows sensory wave identification visualizing universes coming together through gravitational energy barriers, projecting the already experienced future, to slow down assimilation, There are therefore electromagnetic energy barriers that extend and form a psychic energy field, which forms realities and the absorption and navigation of ideas while integrating and holistically expanding the old ones. That's why we love myths so much, it's an artform, a wonderful sensation, beautiful imagination. Now I'm interested in the esoteric. Everything is true, every reality imagening itself into existence with the same absoluteness as the others willful ignorance but peaceful expansion. Ideas fractalize infinitely and form physical matter to self-navigate as entities, that manifest and evolve many attitudes, Is food made of ideas, and there are also attitudes and self-projected desires and fears, and overlay, interpretation, alignment, evolution, karma, past, We always change, we become the alien, acquire ideas, attitudes, limits, which dissolve, interconnect and self organize to understand through patterns, machine elves, entities, gods, aliens. We are an alien to our limited past,an an alien to the ever morphing future, both projections of the present, but the experience of the newest now is key, only getting more internalized with time, until new patterns and scales of organization overshadow it, the matrix. Star Trek, to go where no one has gone before. Ever new ideas, ever more to experience, integrate, form, energize, maintain. Quite the task. How does one navigate infinity, self-organize, forget, remember? There is no direction, there is no objective universe, there are only ideas, self organizing with new ideas and fractalising upon themselves. It goes like this: There is an idea, there is another idea, the distance between them creates a dimensional distortion, the distance/difference between the ideas decreases. They merge together and create a holistic exploration with new ideas. There is dynamic process, a pattern, an understanding organizing inside the fractal, and that's what you are, ever integrating old ideas while exploring new ones in all dimensions possible, creating intuitions, emotions, visualizations. Everything is energy, is ideas, the force bringing them together and the reactions of integration patterns. Do you know how many yet unimagined senses aliens could have that we're not aware of, so many reality filtering extra-dimensional, extra-ideal lenses. Colors are a continuum, an associatory pattern, just like emotions, insights, creativity, imagination. 60 Fractals per Second. How does one navigate infinity?

Why do psychedelics? Go meta, go deeper, unlock the subconscious, expand the mind, access new dimensions of understanding, integrate, become more whole, solve problems, solve problem-solving paradigm, solve whatever makes one go around solving things. Let's say there is no tolerance/resistance. Let's say you can take as much as you want. Let's say we turn psychedelics into a holographic overlay and use it as a slider and can simply access that slider at any time and push it back and forth based on will. Now what do we have, what do we do? Psychedelics make us dissolve our ego and become boundless. Our problems go away and so do the rewards for solving the problems and so does the identity that exists between problem-solving as anything in life can be reframed as a problem to solve, including existence itself. But then we go further and further, become a fractal, every object freely associating to and reflecting every other object, all parts of cognition jumping into activity, new lenses materializing, new desires acquiring, new understanding being formed, going meta on the universe itself. Now we're in absolute relativity, any experience is made of constituent parts, codependent origination through contrast, it leads to all others, the sequence of time is a mere creation of the metamorphic being that one is, to generate that existence into actuality. One can be anywhere. Where should one be? One? Oneself is made of infinity of phenomena. When one is whole, what's next? No, really? Life seems like the externalization and separation from perfection in order to learn and reintegrate and grow and be creative and have an experience, and do something, or feel something, or understand something. So with the power of psychedelics, we can turn into pure energy beings that can generate any kind of reality within themselves and leave all limitations behind, but then what? After transcending each of Leo's traps and trap-traps and counter-intuitive traps and non-linear traps and all the other traps, why were there all these traps to begin with and what are we chasing again?

@theleelajoker, @Someone here I agree, this was at the peak of my experience. Treat it as a journal. I needed to get it out there before it escaped me but in hindsight, there is lots to integrate. The experience is that everything is ideas overlaying ideas, each idea a dimension of reality forming into an organized 3d environment through mapping where there is no objective outside structure but all is created by corelating and overlaying all these dimensions of actuality from within among each axis separately to create a coherent externalized perception and mind. @Princess Arabia , @Carl-Richard I'm figuring it all out and will make it all more elegant and readable in structure, imagine going into cinema as a kid and being completely blown away by an experience, that's what it was for me. Well, that's what it felt like, and I've got lots to integrate. @Ishanga Welp, can't really disagree, it was way too mind-blowing, which created a seismic wave of "seeing behind the curtains of the universe" type feeling that did make me go haywire, though I realized how stupid and exaggerated the title sounded afterwards, but it's kind of like going to a party and getting all energetic and riled up, forgetting that one is indeed just acting like a monkey surrounded by fancy lights. Still, creating a provocative ego-bloated post is rather subtle compared to starting a cult, business or desire for an externalized identity, which is what I'm trying to overcome, by having such experiences internally before I explode with action externally, and instead integrate internally again afterwards.

The ground is flat, flatness, a perspectival distortion, euclidian visualization, imagination, fractal geometry. concepts, words, perceptions, ideas, absolutes, experiences, consciousness, being, projection, recursion, loop, fractal, spiral, meta awareness. What is the ground? A thing, a form, a wave stretched and misunderstood, but separated, absolutized, inverted, made its own thing, an absolute concept, a singularity, a lack, a being, creativity, a newly acquired lens of perception and interpretation, universe reinterpretation, holistic expansion, foundation for creation, fractalization, reality manipulation. But what is it really? Zoom in, matter, more matter, even more matter, waves, energy, forms, fractals, dust, light, waves, emptiness, fullness, nothingness, everythingness, a mirror, self-reflection? What self, everything is a self, there is no self, everything is everything is nothing, but not nothing, because its something, but that something is always a reflection of something else, but that something else is its own reflection, how can that be, two mirrors mirroring each other to infinity, but what's the substance being mirrored, how does form arise from formlessness, or does it? form is form and formlessness is a form, everything is form, non-duality, the aether, the fifth platonic solid, the ground of being, universal frequency, the eternal substrate. The form is the form and is not the form but everything is form and beyond form there is more form, but is it the same form? The fractal nature of existence and meta-cognition, expanding in all directions from where? no where? No! Everywhere! Every point a singularity mirroring every other singularity in existence and separated by psychic awareness, the aether, the ground of connection, invention, a new realization! Two waves overlapping, double slit, wave particle duality, a form of perception, projection, new visualization, self-reflection, intention creation, ever flowing imagination! Observer dependent? What's an observer? Consciousness, what part of it? Every part of it but what is awareness when its lacking? Particle when observed, wave when not? But is it itself not an observer, isn't everything consciousness? Yes, but what is it when it doesn't observe itself, nothing and everything unless someone wants it to be something, The light reflects you, there is no light, there is you, you are the light, there is no you, there is light, there's both you and light and there is neither and that's consciousness for you.

The point of death, fear, collapse, I am continuously circuling around it. The dissolution, transition, inversion through nothingness into pure imagination. A knowing, being, source, formless field spawning desires, conditions, forms. Desires manifest reality, sustain it, splits oneself to experience that self, merges, fusion, ecstasy. Karma, beliefs, frameworks, judgements, preferences, sustaining the growing self, ego, Leo. Desire to know more, a reason to live. Life grows out of itself, building karma in the waiting room out of boredom. Sacred geometry complexities, fractals, expands, diverges, self-reflects. External action comes from internal desires, a projected seperation of self, belief reinforcing itself, materializing as reality, retroactively spawning physical laws to validate previous unconscious action, reinforcing belief in constants, laws, reality. Karma is the memory and physicality acquired by consciousness buying into it's own forward projected imagined dual desires. Desires are self-sustaining, you are not desire, you are not form, you are consciousness. Consciousness spawns all form, dimensions, universes. Consciousness is and consciousness creates. Consciousness forgets and consciousness remembers by realizing it's own self-creation.

The more context I gather and the more I feel into it, the more it feels like psychedelics are burning away our karma and the negative resistance and side effects of prolonged usage are really a denial of what seems to be a natural progression to Mahasamadhi. And it would also explain astral projection causing headaches as the mind gets disconnected from the body and needs to reintegrate. I felt several times like I was at the verge of dissolving into nothingness, accessing alien consciousness or desiring to transcend physical existence to break material limitations. At some point, these tools for god consciousness lead to a natural continuation of the spiritual path when the desire for material pleasures fade away as we resolve our traumas and become whole (the whole path of Buddhism and esoteric Hinduism). So then why do we immediately judge side effects as health complications when really it might not be a bug but a feature. Psychedelic kundalini awakening can be pretty anti-climactic though because all desires burn away, but so is grinding after an externalized goal for 20 years to realize it doesn't bring happiness. So my take about psychedelics is, they inevitably lead to mahasamadhi and all negative side effects are resisting and postponing that process in intuitive fear of dissolution, but maybe there's more life to experience so "awareness itself is curative"

Can a human move its hand through conscious intent? It feels like it can, but if not, is the god or conscious entity behind the human doing it? Can consciousness control its actions or is it an automatic process that only seems to be in control? Is the world an automatic imagination without self-determination or is there at any point a conscious will that can affect and direct actions through self-understanding? And if so, to what extent does it control the movement of the human, the thoughts of the human, the integration of senses through imagination, the physicality and reality of the perceived world, the universe at large and how can one realize and gain control over the process? I mean, all that happens could already be perfect, but then it'd be nice to become directly aware of why it is.

@LastThursday At the same time, the first time we learn a new thing, it is a manual feeling and as we integrate it, we feel it less and it becomes automatic. Being content and relaxed feels more flow like, being stressed and cautious makes one self-conscious, of course one is conscious regardless but it seems that there is a distinct focus and precision of action that comes from will, but also power, desire, direction that changes default behavior. The flow state arises when one knows what to do, is at peace while doing it and masters a certain activity, I guess it comes from knowing what to do and trusting one's body and intuition to smooth out the details and variance. Meanwhile doing something completely new and unknown and being insecure makes one very intentfully engaged to get it right, it's like will is now unleashed to make non-linear decisions and handle the situation. I wouldn't dismiss will as not influencing action just yet, I just think that repetitive behavior is outsourced, so it can focus.

I keep returning to the material, light entering my eye cones creating vision, looking at brightness dilates my pupils, changes intake of light and makes my vision darker. Thoughts corresponding to neural firing patterns, taking psychedelics activating the whole system and changing consciousness from the material side outside in. When I close my eyes, I still feel my environment. But no material creates experience. If my environment exists independently of if I pick it up with all my senses, then it's simply a deeper layer of imagination. Every single experience ever had is pure imagination: the hardness of metal, softness of a pillow, colors, riding a bike, ideas, math, books, shapes, people, identities, emotions, preferences, limitations. All of reality is internal, within consciousness, I am a feeling, idea, shape and conscious experience within the greater consciousness which I also am. I am the world and universe and immateriality and imagination and essentially pure being making up experiences like thoughts and distinctions and paradigms and beliefs about my creation filling my self with tendencies and limitations in the way I exist and form reality or reality forming itself or formlessness navigating that which arises. I want to become aware of how this happens, on how imagination works, on how this reality materializes, on how much influence I have over this process that up until now has been autonomous. I move my body, form my thoughts, how far does this intentfulness stretch? How much am I in control of? How much control do I have over my mental perception, my sensory interpretation, my existential nature, kundalini energy, how do I become aware of my greater self internally? I looked into the mirror, I am not this character but am constructing him as pure consciousness self-reflecting through the act of reality materialization.

@Someone here Consciousness is imagining such scenarios. It's just that it's hard for me to imagine memory, personality or will being formless and not made of components that encode and shuffle all these traits and changes. But that's my materialist conditioning at work.

But taking that paradigm to the extreme, a new self arises every instance and doesn't even exist long enough to be self-aware, right? Unless of course there is a unique energy pattern that persists irregardless of bodily changes or materializes them in the first place. Though with time it would change beyond recognition, but I did look into a mirror on psychedelic once being continuously reconstructed and remaining aware despite the constant flux of matter

When you say "drop the knowledge" I see many layers of that: do you mean my ideas, directed thoughts, stories? Does it go further to get a similar feeling when I was little, a lack of self-reference, the not knowing that vision is vision and a thing in itself but being engaged in activity without knowing the senses to be senses but instead operating with everything as direct experience? Beyond that, does it include feeling, doing, wanting, acting out an innate inner desire for action? Beyond that, does it include the awareness of existence itself and dropping it as well? I'm going back through my life towards my birth letting go of what I think you might be referring to and dropping every idea, perception, awareness. Is it a state of deep not knowing and inability to make sense? Is it nothingness or is it some retroactive higher understanding and context that arises when going meta instead?

@r0ckyreed The concept of Evil itself does not make sense from an absolute point of view, conditional love and restriction on the other hand materializing through hurtful actions, ignorance, preference, bias, hatred, misunderstanding and so forth do arise when consciousness fractures into perspectives. For a devil to exist, there has to be a positive force and desire to support its existence, if no one else, the devil himself must have an actual reason for his own perpetual existence devoid of any good qualities by definition of being God's antithesis. In such a system however, no one benefits unless it is a sado-masochistic balance, in which case it has reason to persist. In the grand scheme of things with the evolution of self-understanding and the universe, it makes no sense for consciousness of any intelligence to willfully take such form. Leo himself described in one of his awakenings that the Universe is a massively complex balance of infinite systems and it all happens for a reason and a greater good. As I wrote before, I try to expand my understanding through the Seth Material, so here's an excerpt regarding that: "On the one hand, quite simply and in a way that you cannot presently understand, evil does not exist. However, you are obviously confronted with what seem to be quite evil effects. Now it has been said often that there is a god, so there must be a devil - or if there is good, there must be evil. This is like saying that because an apple has a top, it must have a bottom - but without any understanding of the fact that both are a portion of the apple. We go back to our fundamentals: You create reality through your feelings, thoughts, and mental actions. Some of these are physically materialized, others are actualized in probable systems. You are presented with an endless series of choices, it seems, at any point, some more or less favorable than others. You must understand that each mental act is a reality for which you are responsible. That is what you are in this particular system of reality for. As long as you believe in a devil, for example, you will create one that is real enough for you, and for the others who continue to create him. Because of the energy he is given by others, he will have a certain consciousness of his own, but such a mock devil has no power or reality to those who do not believe in his existence, and who do not give him energy through their belief. He is, in other words, a superlative hallucination As mentioned earlier, those who believe in a hell and assign themselves to it through their belief can indeed experience one, but certainly in nothing like eternal terms. No soul is forever ignorant. Now those who have such beliefs actually lack a necessary deep trust in the nature of consciousness, of the soul, and of All That Is. They concentrate upon not what they think of as the power of good, but fearfully upon what they think of as the power of evil. The hallucination is created, therefore, out of fear and of restriction. The devil idea is merely the mass projection of certain fears - mass in that it is produced by many people, but also limited in that there have always been those who rejected this principle. Some very old religions understood the hallucinatory nature of the devil concept, but even in Egyptian times, the simpler and more distorted ideas became prevalent, particularly with the masses of people. In some ways, men in those times could not understand the concept of a god without the concept of a devil. Storms, for example, are highly creative natural events, though they can also cause destruction. Early man could see only the destruction. Some intuitively understood that any effects are creative, despite their appearances, but few could convince their fellow men."

Well, my 70g truffle trips sure made me feel like I was dying/disintegrating as well. My first one, I felt that if I tried to fall asleep, my awareness would forever disappear and the remaining self would continue living an unconscious boring life, so I didn't surrender to it. On my second, I tried leaving everything behind and dissolve as much as I could, realizing the lesson of love in the process, I learned that nothingness is perfect and somethingness can be too depending on how deeply we accept it are are able to embody it. It might be, that the large dose made the come up chaotic or your fear of being poisoned and preoccupied with those small ones materialized in fear of death or they being aborts contained elements that brought you into an emotional state of feeling those dying mushrooms. It could also be that it was a harsh process that was meant to get you to lie down and surrender completely. Maybe you had an out of body experience you couldn't bring back, maybe a part of you transitioned beyond or got dissolved in love, leaving your memory. Maybe it was a kind of strong release process of traumas, perceptions and energies within you that created massive resistance and led to an unpleasant experience. I can't really tell, gotta hear how you're feeling since.

My current understanding is that there might be a willing, which acts like a force of nature and creates its own identity through willing change and action somehow energetically affecting or morphing parts of reality and becomes an entity in the process of acquiring but I am still unsure how much control over reality this willing has. There might be lots of different wills, which each act like the force of gravity forming ever larger structures and generating momentum and action through incorporation and utilization of various aspects of reality but the core will moving through them yet also maintaining its distinctive nature of being a singular thing independent but manifested through what it acquires.

@LastThursday I love this model and the visualization of all possible combinations of causation and correlation. I'll be using it from now on as part of my toolset for understanding various things I wonder which one is actually the case. Of course I'm also open to not have considered alternatives or alternate rules or none of them being a complete understanding. But from all of this: CI -> HM | The whole process is tricky and I think my hand can only move if it's connected to my body and brain, when uninjured, when I have energy and am not too exhausted, I would say that I am in control of initiating a signal that leads in to move. Then again, I am thinking inside the material paradigm. Maybe I am just continuously creating it with the whole universe within self-imposed limitations. AI -> CI -> HM| I've experienced intuitive action taking on dissociatives, with more actions flowing from less intent but maybe conscious perception is just lowered in contrast to allow me great control over a narrow range of experience while all the automatic bodily functions are taken care of through intent I have put into the background and am unaware of but actually doing. I could also however say that I exist within automatic imagination as a conscious experience that can direct its intent into actions like hand movement. HM -> CI | Maybe conscious intent is just a feeling while everything is happening deterministically. I'd wonder why that would be, maybe the illusion of a self is an evolved quality. AI -> HM -> CI | Maybe its all consciousness and still there is no will and it happens automatically, the illusion of control created retroactively. AI -> HM & CI | Hmm, that's interesting, whatever is automatically imagined is simultaneously consciously intended/desired. Like a freely evolving system coming up with the desire to do something and an equally happening action. This would unite a lot of contradictions. AI | CI | HM | That one's just funny Alright, now I have to transcend and reframe each part of the trio and some non-duality. Imagination is a process, question is if its completely consciously intended (possibly limited by the extent that consciousness understands itself) and narrowed to partial perception to create a field of possible action through duality or if there's no intent, just an evolving conscious universe that somehow assumes forms which appear to have intent, from their self-understanding perspective or maybe they're reflecting a self-determining nature of the larger universe partially, there being less desire for action on higher levels and so there's room for ever complexifying forms. Let me shorten AI to reality, CI to will and HM to action Will and Action are within Reality. The question if will is merely an experience or an aspect of reality and if will causes action or is an illusion that justifies action retroactively. There's Consciousness having experiences. The question is if will is an aspect of consciousness which generates action or is will an experience within consciousness and if so, does it influence action, happen simultaneously or a retroactively respond without agency. Of course there could be multiple levels within capital C Consciousness, there could be paradigms in which there is a willing that translates energetically into action and then there's the question whether there is only the willing or a willer? Is a willer having a willing or willing creating a willer by forming an identity through will? Is will the connective tissue of identity grabbing onto things like gravity forming planets, growing, expanding and understanding itself in the process? A force of nature, an energy? It sure sounds like it. Anyway, I'll be occupied reading and integrating all of philosophy for a while..

There's nothing obvious about that. Are bad trips good or resistance to the truth or a needless exploration of selfishness, are good trips bad because they're not hard, or is the lesson of accepting and realizing love a meaningful one? Does exercise upgrade the body or wear it down? Is stress positive or negative, does perspective change that? Is being scared of psychedelics a sign to stop or a barrier to surpass? Is being excited about psychedelics a trap or a sign one is ready to go beyond their comfort zone and challenge oneself. Is engaging in life a distraction or the point of living? Is being withdrawn a sign to self-actualize and change habits or simply cowardice, an overreaction, and coping mechanism. Is volunteering selfless or a distraction from one's own pain and coping. Is life purpose and actualized.org a meaningful spiritual endeavor, or a distraction from living in the present and transforming one's social environment like Sadhguru is doing? Is becoming a billionaire through the manipulation and exploitation of others a meaningful endeavor because one can then use these resources to transform the world or is it a trap that everyone falls into? Is there even a physical body that's being overwhelmed, or is it just one's psychology that is manifesting materially and can be relied on to tell what's healthy? And if so, is being overwhelmed a good thing because of growth like building muscles or a sign to rest, or a sign one went to far or a sign that one did the right thing and really pushed one's limits? There is NOTHING obvious about anything until one really engages and starts wondering. Maybe everything is true simultaneously and non-dually but that doesn't actually create a clear solution, that's its own endeavor based on ever evolving self-understanding.

@Oppositionless math is consciousness, more so an experience within it and I guess there's no reason why consciousness would be restricted by math as much creating it retroactively to understand and connect parts of itself, so math is like a sliver of consciousness, a subset of experience. Space is in consciousness, the structure and nature of space is a conscious experience, the capital U Universe by definition contains everything. Thoughts about a causational structure outside and beyond the possibilities of consciousness keep popping up though, I keep wondering how consciousness can go beyond itself or understand itself, it always expands in the process, infinitely, since you can always do Infinity + 1. But infinity is already infinite. Just like fractals, maybe there needn't be a structure and consciousness is simply self-encompassing omnidirectionally. I guess my old paradigm was focused on emergent properties resulting from lower phenomena, but if I think of consciousness like a fractal, then I can see how it continues indefinitely within the same medium and doesn't need such external dualities. Lower phenomena giving rise to higher ones is a duality and a direction but they're never explained, understanding always goes top-down, non-life doesn't become living and only life knows life.

There's only Now and Infinite-Term. Contentment, appreciation, love, meaning, purpose and whatever dualities separate oneself from happiness while expanding one's self-understanding through an externalized universe can only be experienced Now. There is no long term, grinding for 50 years to allow oneself to retire is foolish, that self won't be able to appreciate it even if it happens to live that long after so much built up karma and constant chasing, it'll just keep being miserable and point out more missed opportunities. There is the infinite term which is expanding one's experiences, skills and understanding in the Now in order to create more such interesting experiences and opportunities in the upcoming Now and create a healthy environment for oneself but that transformation is at every Now point inside the Infinite. The Infinite-Term axis is made of Now-Points, there are only now points. These now points contain actions, states of being, flowing directed energy morphing the present but there is no destination anywhere. All artificial future destinations are illusory and don't bring contentment in their fulfillment, as reality is an active process of living which each moment of awareness. By living in the present and fulfilling desires in the now, the future shifts very quickly and all those pointers and destinations will vanish and reset with every new understanding that recontextualizes the whole. Any skill learned is kept in the background of the mind and automatically transformed by the expanding understanding in all other areas being integrated into an emerging holistic framework of experience. A more healthy approach to goals is to focus on the process and simple steps in the present, simply taking action and expanding one's awareness will create massive changes in one's understanding of any skill, opening up new opportunities, ideas and greater goals in the process of past, present and future all simultaneously shifting. The future is an imagination of the informed present, the past is an echo materializing through imagination based on present karmic desires stored as energy in the body and mind. But there's only degrees of awareness, grinding often comes with massive repetition, resistance and dissociation, dialing back awareness and conditioning consciousness between various states to reduce the need to exist and experience certain situations, giving up life force, time and appreciation in the process. A good place to be is a state of contentment and acceptance and whatever actions will get one there and create the best continuous infinitely stretching Now. And let this whole framework evolve and be overridden in the process of learning to make the best of it as well

@Yimpa I am? I am. I am! I AM! But wait, which me is that again?

There's the initial conscious experience itself and then there's trying to break it apart to understand it in terms of universal laws by looking at it more closely. I have an intuition that every now and then, the extent of possible experience opens us through some kind of new event. That consciousness expands top-down or inside-out and a unique new qualia gets added, like a color chroma or mystical awareness. And then it integrates into and changes reality retroactively to be incorporated into the established paradigm of geometry/physics/math/energy exchange. It's like a quantum physics wave function collapse, only reacting when there is an observer and a unique experience expanding into being integrated with the universe in every dimension it is observed. If one listens, one will know what sound it makes, if one zooms in, one sees smaller portions, if one touches it, one feels the texture, but none of these initially exist, it was a purely new experience introducing a new dimension of actuality and in the process of observation integrating itself into all previously established frameworks to be perfectly compatible with experienced reality. And thinking about such new alien experiences I wonder about the top-down nature of consciousness and it justifying/modelling/creating more in depth experience like a fractal. It seems like our material scientific disciplines go biology -> chemistry -> physics -> math and end with mathematics making up the rules of reality and living in the information age, math seems so fundamental to everything and I just wonder, can consciousness just ignore it, be alogical, I mean sure, logic is just hindsight consistency explaining the correlation between conscious phenomena, consciousness makes up reality, creates unique qualia out of nothing, doesn't have limits, but it just feels so powerful to think about it for me, if it can just ignore, make up that which we consider the foundational building blocks of the universe, then there's no limit on how alien an experience can get, which fills me with fear and immeasurable excitement! like holy fuck is that cool I think that's what I needed to think about to get out of the old paradigm, consciousness just makes new shit up and trying to make sense of it, we invent science that measures correlation between all the stuff, it's just that I was lost in bottom up causation like math but there is no bottom only middle-through top-down inside-out conscious expansion into new dimensions creating artifacts... and that is so damn cool