Keryo Koffa

There is pain, there is suffering. Pain informs of damage. Suffering is resistance to change, to acceptance of loss. They wire together, pain and suffering direct the ego, balance identity, create direction, emerge compassion. Suffering counteracts ego, resistance to actuality, getting stuck in hedonism, ignorance, it leads one to growth. But yes, sometimes pain and suffering result in tremendous torture, tormenting peaks of intensity, I'm not sure if there is something that prevents excess, I sure hope so. Often, circumstances and agency distract one from the pure sensation, but that's not always the case. Migraines can be terrible and one can imagine many circumstances. The sensations have a role, but I wonder whether there is a meta balance that prevents excesses.

Since this post is so long, you can just read the summery in parentheses after each paragraph. We have experiences, build correlations, identify patters, materialize desires, externalize needs and project them onto objects, destinations, lifestyles. We wire our mind, connect one sensation onto another, intertwine it with emotions, project and create experiences, entangle ourselves in reality, connect dots, try to make sense, find out what stays consistent, pursue what we correlate with meaning, react based on our understanding, preference, model of reality. We go meta, analyze from a higher vantage point, take on new axioms, untangle one experience from the other, build new context, strive to be more objective, less biased, less self-indulgent, more understanding, more aware of the big picture, a holistic view of where we are, what we are, how we are, why we are, that we are, to see our assumptions as assumptions, identify our intent and its source, arising experience for what it is, figure out how to do that, continue to intuit, explore, experience, be. (Sensations form constellations) Reality has many dimensions, its a sphere we can subdivide, cut into pieces, we can use the pieces to create things, shapes, forms, objects, subjects, selves. The way we connect these things, the way we cognize and make sense, the way we wire sensations with desires, impulses, drives, the way those emerge higher understanding, models, realities. We construct reality, aware or unaware of how we do it. We move our body, choose our activities, consciously or unconsciously, there are many layers of understanding and interpretation, mechanics, explanations, sciences, consistencies, nature, invisible forces, perceived changes, cycles, repetitions, patterns. The conscious and unconscious inflect upon each other to polarize into individual experiences. (Their arrangement is arbitrary) Do we have control? What is control? Is there such a thing as control? Reality flows, we make decisions, we think we make decisions, something makes decisions, we feel the drives within us, the impulses that adjust behavior, manipulate reality. Are we the ones doing it? The self, a constellation, accumulation of patters, ideas, behaviors, acquired tendencies, a reflection of the world it is apart of and yet distinctly itself, creating reality inside out and entangling itself with it, holistically interacting across multiple domains? Do I make decisions or am I simply a conglomerate of the cells that make me deciding as a hive, gut, heart, brain, the personalities within me, the arising desires. Even so, the problem doesn't dissipate, if my cells make the decisions, even then, that which I believe myself to be would simply adjust to be their emergent property, in a way it doesn't matter, since I'd still be every single one of these cells and the emergent, us making decisions or me really becomes the same thing, if will is made on a lower substrate, then the higher is not without will but a more complex expression. But that's just a theory, idea, will is an axiom, ascribed, the self is an axiom, and science is figuring it out under the assumption that it exists, there is something of a gestalt. (The ego is a gestalt) Maybe the perceiver is an illusion, all these unique forces of nature align to create the gestalt I perceive, I believe myself to be. But the duality of a perceiver separates it from the perceived. Yet all it ever sees and knows and can experience is so by virtue of being an experience perceived, by definition not the perceiver. And yet, all of that appears to come out of the perceiver, or flow through it, it is entangled by virtue of being perceived. Let's collapse the duality of perceiver and perceived. In that case everything is perceived or perceiver, let's call it capital P Perception. Perception is being, experiencing, though what about the unperceived, unexperienced, the thoughts that pass through perception and disappear back into the subconscious/unconscious aether. (The duality of perceiver and perceived collapses) There is a duality of the present experience as Perception and on the other hand the known to exist potential unactualized, dematerialized, hidden away. Of all the possible experience, one possibility is currently the case in Perception. Imagine blue, imagine red, now blue is gone but its still in the local subconscious, we can bring it back out, shuffle those two, combine them, but there is much more in the yet unconscious, random ideas we can remember, associate, spawn, an elephant, where did it come from? It wasn't there, now it is. (There is a vast hidden reality beyond the current Experience) Nothingness is the guitar string at rest, in tension, in its original formlessness, without sound, without experience, no action, pure being, all contained, itself empty, Shiva. Objects, ideas, the omni-dimensional fabric of reality, unentangled, pure, detached, without form, without purpose, without assumption, axioms, impulses, unease, tension, drives creating conflict and pursuit, the feeling of separation, the duality of selfishness and selflessness, of love and hate and apathy, and the entropy towards Unity. The ultimate nothing, the nothing that excludes itself, the idea that goes meta, cuts its tail and self-annihilates. The kundalini that burns all karma, the freedom of being content, fulfilled, untangled, of being where one wants to be, more even, the collapse of all dualities create a no-space, no-distance, everything already is, nowhere to go, nowhere to be, a singularity that merges all and annihilates all distance. Now there is no story, no protagonist, no world, no being nor non-being, neither isness nor non-isness, when all dualities, all pointers collapse themselves. (Nothingness collapses all forms into the base state) Nothingness is the realization that any constellation of experience is possible, that any arrangement of forms is arbitrary. That any desire connects itself to other sensations creating a gestalt. Forms keep themselves afloat, they link and associate themselves to other forms, creating pathways, roads, directions, cycles, stories, experiences, dependent arising/origination whose contrast creates an actual Duality that correspondingly spawns the idea of itself, through identification of the inherent difference of perception, which is created inside out through sensory perception, but on a larger scale the universe really takes that form in order for it to become the experience of an individual to be processed and interpreted further. But that actuality is a higher form of the same phenomenon, invisible forces, laws of physics, dependent origination, complexifying and turning itself into self-perceiving observers made conscious through the perception of those more universal forms. There is consciousness and within it infinite forms. (The universe splits itself into dualities and experiences itself through entities) This isn't a reason to despair into nihilism, nihilism ultimately inflects upon itself and dissolves as well. Purpose is self-determined, socially expanded/contextualized/harmonized, God a dreamer across infinite dimensions, lifeforms arrange themselves creating tendencies and desires, exploring the universe. We use senses to create ourselves, cognition to understand ourselves explicitly, through intuition implicitly, our brain is both dual and non-dual, left and right hemisphere, order and chaos, form and creativity that arises from the formless. We are created and on a higher level create ourselves, our awareness of the process is variable, dualities form different interpretations and collapse into higher self-understanding. (We create and experience ourselves through dualities and exist independently in the formless) We build systems, sciences, mathematics, physics, biology, they are self-contained systems, maps, a conceptual reflection of reality, a variable progressing technical mechanistic understanding, we try to unite them through formulas, strive to achieve complete consistency. Reality is outside of that, it is Meta. We use these rules to understand correlations, to manipulate reality, but reality can always go meta, can always be more. In a new realization, it itself becomes the past, a lens of perception, interpretation, correlation, constellation. But it is cut off from the ever rejuvenating present that transcends it and expands itself non-linearly by creating new patterns that are retroactively integrated, universal intelligence, Chitta. (Systems are self-contained mechanically consistent models that correspond or correlate with specific aspects of reality, but reality is infinitely more meta) Pragmatically, we keep ideas, models, relations in our mind, but there is a force capable of instant understanding, the source of creation, a cosmic intelligence that leads one to understand what a thing is in itself, unmeasured by contrast, untainted by preference, bias, desire. I am attached to models, understanding, but there is a force that transcends and skips all that by going beyond and becoming the thing it seeks to understand, foregoing all the complicated dualistic calculations that try to understand a thing through its correlation with other things. An awareness, that sees and knows, an intuition that feels, a top-down understanding and the more I break away from creating systems, that more I access it, but its always beyond. If I want to create something in this dualistic world, then I conceptualize, associate and relate what I know, then use this knowledge to create. But to use this transcendent intelligence is go straight to the source of one's desire and work top down, breaking the top holon into the simplest pieces necessary to replicate it and discovering new patterns in the process. (There is a cosmic top-down intelligence that arises spontaneously to those with an empty mind) One has goals, dualities created for the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit itself creates separation, and yet that pursuit itself is the result of a previous state of unhappiness, it is an attempt to solve it, but it is a separate overlay, a distinction created to externally resolve a corresponding projected image of an internal state. That internal state however is a result of one's own self-understanding and psyche, self-image, the belief that the external shall inform the internal, that internal feelings ought to correspond to external achievements or environments. This dichotomy itself is the problem, internal states are self-regulated, self-imposed, self-determined, it is simply the lack of consciousness that prevented one from seeing that all internal feelings are a self-determined correspondence to external reality. Wants and desires are subconsciously wired to the allowance of the experience of happiness, initially they are wired for survival, after this when a model of reality is constructed in childhood, reality is far more variable and flexible, but with oughts/shoulds and expectations a pattern of gratification, of conditioned happiness is developed, assumed objective, assumed real, believed into existence, a self-fulfilling prophecy, a blindspot, a mechanic system of beliefs but greater reality transcends the limitations that the ego loses itself in. (Happiness is natural state that the ego separates itself from through conditions) Unity -> Duality -> Arrangement -> Interpretation -> Systems -> Consistency -> Mechanics -> Knowledge -> "Facts" -> Ego Ego -> Adaptation -> Exploration -> Change -> Transience -> Dynamicism -> Awareness -> Ego-Death -> Non-Duality -> Unity The world we see is an arrangement of many patterns, physically seeming properties, idea constructs, but they're dynamic, they reference an ever morphing system. Any idea, word, sentence is an attempt, a pointer towards an aspect of reality, ideas are absolute by themselves as definitions but are really just a map, not the territory. There is a process that creates the very ideas separate from territory. There is a process that creates the very territory itself. And there is a process that correlates the territory with maps and brings those maps into awareness as a bridge, (The map is not the territory but the process that allows for the creation of maps is quite fascinating) Everything is actual but some things are more directly actual than others. Actual Nothing -> Actual Something -> (Actual) Idea of Something -> (Actual) Idea of Nothing Though this is still a duality, if the territory is the truth, then the map is part of the territory, The map is a subset of the territory that creates a systemized reflection through available mechanisms. And then there is the territory itself, an uninterpreted, unsystemized non-dual experience of something that can be described through a thousand lenses and gives rise to any and all interpretations and creates a dozen dualities. The experience itself: "Actuality", of course actuality is a duality, or it can be used as such, clearly by the very fact of the existence of a word, it points to something and by pointing to something it points away from somewhere else. Actuality as a duality points to that territory from which all maps arise, it points away from the maps and onto the thing itself left uninterpreted. The greater capital Actuality however encompasses the map and dissolves the duality, the focus dissipates, everything becomes experience, including the process of creating maps and the maps themselves, the duality and objectification of the separation disappears. Everything becomes the territory, but that fact can only be understood by transcending the journey from where one stands, which is often from inside the duality that is to dissolve. (The map is actually a subset of the territory and merges with it in Non-Duality) In summery, Non-Dual Nothingness is the fabric of all being, it takes forms creating dualities and distinctions, creating objects and subjects and maps that are a subset of reality, any one thing can be interpreted in a million ways by a million lenses through association, distinction, pattern recognition. When Non-Dual Nothingness is paired as a duality with Non-Dual Infinity, that duality itself can be dissolved into a larger Non-Duality. Where everything is only and ever itself, all contexts can arise and are themselves as well. A superposition of any thing, a superposition of any combination, a superposition of any interpretation. A superposition of every pattern, the combination of any pattern with any other pattern in any constellation in relation to any other constellation, in any form or time, or relation, or entropy, contextualized and actualized in the infinite dream. (Nothingness and Infinity are two sides of the same coin and that coin itself is a superposition of anything and everything in any context and every context infinitely interconnected and intermerged in relation and contrasted to any and all other possibilities. To go meta is to transcend and include and the ultimate meta is that which transcends and includes everything including nothing and itself)

Our vision, attention, environment flows through ideas, sensations, desires. The things we are interested in, past, present, future, available for study in so many ways. The self bouncing around searching for purpose can expand or contract, polarize or dissolve. The structure of reality is questioned time and time again and never seems to be so easy to explain. But reality is an intelligent conscious field of wants materializing themselves as subjects and objects. If consistency matters, it is accommodated, if the future is to change, the past has to go, ripples across time. Each part a whole, continuously evolves and ripples outwards in fractals, sending waves across the fabric. An idea spawns the reality that brings itself into question, time is non-linear. To become Zen is to blend with the wave since each belief is a ripple in the lake.

There's a bunch of wires in your mind, you can link emotions to senses to actions to patterns any way you want, its a playground that's become subconscious. You might have wired the idea of others into your happiness center, but that's nothing detachment can't fix if you access a higher state of awareness that resets all your desires and lets you rewire your happiness. On the other hand, it's as arbitrary as any other desire and self-compassion turns into compassion for others which are externalized aspects of the self, when all need dissipates, everything is love.

@theleelajoker My own experience was insanely profound, I've been burning lifetimes of limiting ideas. Imagine throwing a ball and running to catch it before it falls to the ground, then you keep running and throw it again, having to accelerate even faster to catch it and that continues each time. @enchanted "You will continue to grow and develop, and you will become aware of other environments, even as you left your childhood home. But environments are not objective things, conglomerations of objects that exist independently of you. Instead you form them and they are quite literally extensions of yourself; materialized mental acts that extend outward from your consciousness." - Seth @r0ckyreed You pass it to your subconscious, experiences and consistency are preserved. It exists as potential and on a structural layer below your current ability to manipulate, it's there and you can tune into it, though from another perspective it is unreal but so is all of reality if you dissociate from your senses. @OBEler You could flip your ideas around and say that reality is as real as you are willing to explore it and as consistent as you care it to be, so technically there's no problem. Additionally if you are god, you can determine the nature of reality and the existence of coherent others just as real as you believe yourself to be. You consciously or unconsciously tune yourself to a reality that is a part of you in its unlimited complexity and can explore it omni-directionally. You can make it magical or material or both, transcending and uniting all paradigms but the emotions that emerge within you are just as real and meaningful as they've always been even if their context is far more variable now, the raw sensations and connections still exists as their distinct realities.

@r0ckyreed We pick up patterns and relate them, entangling them in the process. How do we know they're "really" entangled? We don't, it's all interpretation of experience. Our perception is absolute, unlike our interpretation and understanding thereof Sometimes we figure out formulas that let us predict the future, but those are just correlations. Unless we became God and created reality from scratch, we're working on our best guesses... We can start by honesty, exploring our emotions and the source of our desires and intentions though

@What Am I Well, if you focus on your room as you go into psychedelics, you will see a lot of detail you didn't notice before, objects, arrangements, patterns, textures, things you normally blend out. They also expand and magnify your senses, you're literally creating more space for detail as if you were subdividing reality into more dualities, brain regions interconnect, you unlock suppressed parts, you are perfectly in tune with the present moment, your curiosity expands, your awareness increases, your pattern recognition skyrockets. You unlock new ways to filter and perceive reality. Note that everyday reality is as much a projection of your mind as it is the input of your senses, you're often subconsciously filling in blanks in more profound ways than you can't yet imagine. On my latest trip I became aware that every idea, concept, object is merged in infinite interdimensional space in which everything is related and connected, each point of actuality protruding and finding expression in 3D space. But you could also imagine instead of 3D space with objects, each object being its own dimension being able to be related to every other object and simply using the restriction of 3D for convenience purposes. Every distinguishable "thing" being a lens that can be overplayed over every other or united in expression inside 3D space through color, shape, distance etc.. It might very well be that you brought back new concepts, that your sensory filtering expanded, that you're more aware now, that the mind that creates a projection of reality inside has changed some parameters. But whether actual reality has retroactively been overridden in ways beyond mere mind filtering, that's quite radical, not impossible but it seems rather improbable. But then you have to look into that and figure out what exactly is new. @OBEler What would prevent God from doing that? God is the entire universe and looks through the eyes of all personalities it becomes. God can do anything. Now, you clearly have limitations and so do I, ones we can't seem to just wish away. I presume that's because on a higher plane we have chosen to be here and experience whatever we are experiencing at full immersion, it's an idea. Also, God-realization can mean a lot of things, anyone who speaks about it can only do so because they're in a dual form right now. Impossibility doesn't exist on an absolute level, only within self-imposed limitations. If we broke the specific limits that keep us in this dream, we could with all our experiences, knowledge, unique lenses, identity, consciousness, go on an adventure and simply project an environment outward. We would still be as real or unreal as we are now. This really comes down to our understanding of the nature of each other, self and other, the Godhead, if there's other Godheads, souls, oversouls, personalities, bodies, the physical or experiential separation of consciousness. Are you a figment of my imagination only? Am I of yours only? Are we of each simultaneously but separately or united in objective space, are we part of the same Godhead, are both experiences equally real? We know this reality is possible in the way it is playing out by virtue of witnessing it. And nothing's impossible for God, right? So then shuffling some parts of it around using the power of god is a question of why not rather than if. The biggest obstacle really is the question of reality, how real are we anyway? Our personalities are mental constructs, right? But they have form, momentum, energy behind them just as much as our physical form, although they're very fictitious and relative, but isn't that the same as our experiences and physical bodies, compared to God anyway? I really don't know, but if we can communicate in the physical world sharing our senses and there's no reason why God can't be two and we can strip away the physical layer of reality and move closer to the source while keeping our mental bodies and identities alive, then I'm sure we could create an astral world to visit together, but then I have no actual clue how to do that, I lack the metaphysical experience. It would also bring out questions of Autonomy, but I heard nobody on the astral plane is concerned about that anymore and consciousness is far more flexible there while still maintaining a sense of self, albeit an ever expanding one. And I guess we already have that (probably) or at least the reality of our current experience is the base of your desire for another projection or manifestation of a dream with looser limits, in which case, there's nothing limiting Infinity from creating that except the self-imposed limits of this dimension. As Leo once said, he's god and can give you anything you want, you want an apple, he gives you an apple, then you want an orange but an orange is not an apple, and then you want something else, I guess we could transition from one dream to another, morph an apple to an orange but only by letting go of the deeper desire to experience this dream and convincing the other party to travel together to a new, once one figures out how to end it, that is.

@mmKay Without other selves, what do you need your face for? Your body, species, sense of self, without other observers to keep your form grounded, you would slowly dissolve into the cosmos. But it's all Identity, as an ego you shape your environment and interact with the world, as god you create worlds and inhabit personalities. Having other egos around sure spices things up, as you now become a subject in contrast, but someone without attachment to others would find amazing freedom and happiness in exploring a world on their own or creating it. But it would be hard for me to bear both the conditioned loneliness through the lack of others and the limitations of a physical body without the help of others trying to survive just like that. Also, technology, communication, ideas, art, my identity is highly dependent on the modern world.

I find myself in a sentimental mood, it's like the world is made up of endless possibilities, possible hobbies, relationships, experiences, but the impermanence of reality also means that any one thing will be forgotten in the scale of time, that all the lose ends, uncompleted activities, broken up conversations, interrupted events, ended friendships, words left unsaid, stores of cities left unexperienced, flowers left unseen and unsmelled, food not eaten, skills not acquired, profound moments passed, relationships discontinued, opportunities missed, words left unsaid, love left unseen, understanding uncommunicated, experiences left at a surface level, parts of the world not witnessed, songs unheard, cultures dissipated, families disbanded, friends unmet. It feels sad to think about all the bygone moments, the singular experiences that were interrupted by others, linear time preventing multiple focus and the infinite patterns that led to the manifestation of every single experience having ended it there and instead creating more, but a singular focus on any one part prevents alternate developments, yet all these possibilities are unexperienced all the same. I am aware that my psychological makeup is focusing my lens of attention through a specific filter which attracts all phenomena that feel alike, but that doesn't diminish the reality imagined and remembered that seems to break off at so many points. Impermanence is what allowed me to be where I am and having experienced what I have, to be locked into any one experience, one would miss the infinite others that follow it. One might become bored as well, but that's another matter that would give one agency, maybe the carpet wraps up before desensitization kicks in, or maybe the real childlike wonder stretches infinitely and knows no end and it is simply the focus on achievement and ever new experiences that perpetuates itself. One might say we are actors in a cosmic drama, maybe there are infinite more, but sometimes I wish I could free roam and visit different places, project myself into past and future experiences, visit alternative timelines, complete the unfinished, remember each profound moment, fully burn the karma and be able to access it anytime. Though one might say that the ego that creates the distinction of a self that craves those experiences is something to transcend upon which the desire is annihilated, but that sounds like apathy to me.

It's strange, once a certain peak of emotional intensity is reached and felt through, it dissipates like clouds after rain. Yet I know it is a dimension my experience connecting many others, a polarity of pent up karma, a heartful expression. But the disconnect after is quite strange, it's almost like a mystical experience, feeling it is different from remembering it.

The notion I am attached to is the idea that I can make things up and create new unique art from nothing, being individually responsible. But that doesn't really make sense, ideas occur within me but the only ones I can follow and expand are the ones I already have witnessed. Ideas pop into existence, I set a focus, but the insight simply appears, the process feels impersonal and no different from outside inspiration. We collect and shuffle patterns rearranging them or gaining insights based on intuition, synergy of concepts and what's in-between the lines. One might say god is creative, but same thing there, everything is a part of god, god explores itself and can see, observe, organize patterns. But going for Non-Duality everything just exists and flows through awareness, morphing in form and spawning insights. I can take a bunch of colors and rearrange some lines and pick up neat patterns and forms I remember and create a new context. None of the elements are original, they are observations or meta-models and I can relate those too, creating new configurations. I can use the Buddhi (Intellect) to cut and separate reality into parts and then arrange them, there is a lot of leeway. But essentially, I'm taking advantage of a huge database of forms and reshuffling them into new scenarios. But maybe that ability itself is creativity, though it might be dictated by desires which clashes with determinism, but that depends on the self. If there is no self, just an experience occurring, there's still a sense of self and if that is deconstructed, there is no self but also no problem. Maybe creativity is the foundation of reality, concepts merging with other concepts creating gestalts that create other gestalts and grow. Arising self-organizing lifeforms, complex self-witnessing structures, created and driven by creativity to create new creativity through being. Which would make us the expression, observer and agent of creativity, a wave in the ocean, all concepts, all imagination, all creativity.

The intellect is often used to divide reality and try to understand it retrospectively by observed interpretation of correlation and causality. But if a tree falls in the forest with no one to witness it, does it make a sound? (Quantum mechanics observer effect). Zeno's paradox is running half the distance in half the time each step, which goes 0.5, 0.75, 0.875,0.92... it's infinite, like zooming into a fractal. Is that what science is doing? Creating new layers on abstraction through observation and retroactively gaining access to another lens of reality perception origination, which is a process that fractals omnidimensionally from the current perceived center infinitely? Creating reality by imagining it into existence by looking at it from the current perspective which is itself a lens and expanding the territory? Cause that seems pretty arbitrary in the long run, expand ones perception to create more problems and science to figure it out just to expand endlessly. Of course it's a matter of perspective whether it is seen as cumbersome or enticing, but then it seems that from the center, we can go anywhere.

All the atoms, prisms, networks I imagine to codependently originate each other's existence through this experience, they all fold onto each other, twirl around, turn upside down, this sun that was shining outside of itself now turns inwards and lights itself up. I am exactly where I need to be. All the action I have to take to make a change, I know it, the vivid alien openness that I'm afraid to enter, it's there. I use my karma as an excuse, irregardless of what I am invited to observe. I have to let go of all the ties that make me, or dissolve all the knots I have made through my life or all the potentials and problems left unhandled. All of these ideas themselves don't bind me, only I do using them as an excuse. To learn more, to experience more, to understand more, to distract myself more. There is this overwhelming inner light, and whether it's death, or a barrier, or change, or nothingness, it's the singularity where everything originates. I am humbled, inadequate, using negative terms to bind me so that I do not enter that new dimension. In the end, it is fear.

Contextualize, reframe, synergize, connect, expand, encompass, simplify, interconnect, holonize It's like I have The Library of Babel inside me. Nothingness and Infinity are creating reality from both sides. Infinity is all energy, all 1s. Nothingness is emptiness, all 0s. And 1s and 0s form bites which encode information. So I have all the information and can see the connection between each two qualia, through the dimensions as a pattern. And there are infinite patterns codependently arising and creating each other. Patterns are in-betweens and their own absolute. Everything is a pattern and certain arrangements create certain phenomena. But I'm getting lost in the library. Every word connects to every other word. Every word tells a story and creates vivid associations with 1000 other words which each do the same and it never ends. And I'm left to wonder how in the world I am able to memorize this infinitude of things through individual relations and not go crazy if I happen to forget one, but what's even crazier, the idea that I cannot forget any, and yet I can paint the landscape any way I want by new connections. But in reality, I'm walking in circles going nowhere, and want to find some higher truth that I can depend on, but I'd only be making up oneself or rely on the endless shuffling of concepts through others to inspire me. Oh well...

You don't understand the depth of this! There is no physical 3d space, there's only ideas, your idea of a wall, your idea of parent, your idea of a ball, your idea of a color and these ideas are overlayed over each other like a red lens in front of a green lens, with different the idea of a first special dimension, that is the arrangement of points of color successively in seen through another lens, overlaying by relating each segment across and connecting them to each other so that the pairings are seen as lines in relation to each other and then for each arrangement of all the points across 2 dimensions is each exponentially overlayed on top of itself not just by each universe before it, which is overlayed over each before it for what seems like infinity, and you get lost there trying to get back to 3d space and maybe go to 4d someday, but you don't know what segment of the universe you're a part of anymore and what our physical bodies and senses, the brain, heart, gut and other parts do, is save all that information and holistically interconnect it so that all those previous dimensions are automatically understood simultaneously, so each brain segment is made of neurons to the fractal density that it can become a subconscious substrate to operate automatically and let new focus of new kind of behavior to emerge, our concentration is our brain working on a highly stimulated level in tendon and coherently but is taxed with keeping consistency which creates stress, which is questioning oneself which creates the emotion of sadness or anger, or dissociation which are coping mechanism, coping mechanisms not to go insane, and insanity is being so disillusioned and so self-questioning of so ego dissolving that we don't know where we are because the difference is too stark and one's experiences lag behind the observer feeling and disorientation because a physically visualizable spacial dimension between them of consistent distance has been erected,which is the literal physical distance between brain regions as physical space, but the brain is smooth and round and a 3d shape, that looks were smooth in it's transitions, very elegant is so hyperfractalized that it purely appears seamless, but as a whole in our dimension of size, which the idea of is itself just an IDEA, which is an different unique qualia, en experience, every experience is a qualia, every unique experience (unit) is a physical spacial dimension between every other qualia given the scale of the qualia ever fractalising and physically growing in the process, creating larger brain energy expenditure, which is a drawback, because survival is an idea and that's why ideas are dangerous, because ideas are physical and literal and objective and absolute dimensions and building blocks of existence, they are your relative reality based on the connection between then the literal physically 3d space manifest neurons which are fractals of ideas in physical form in 3d space between which is very importantly distinguished and a strong bond established, which leads them more interconnections and axioms and evolutionary biology figures out a way to transform into physical space for self-visualization, the ego wants to create a physical colorful 3d space in high definition and see it clearly with round eyes and create a physical form in order physically interact with other matter, which is atoms or photons, which because we now believe in, and if we do new brain regions are established, because we still believe we need brains and obey by intuited and nature created laws which are laws we bestowed upon us from when we were like gods because we were conscious beings, creating a simulation of reality for interesting interaction and materialization into physical matter worlds, but in the exploration of their own ego, had to buy into the illusion that reality is physical and real in order to be immersed in it and not just back to home every time they scared whichbis the fear of losing oneself which is a defense mechanism for an idea, because we don't want to get lost, but then we are attached to our parents because we depend on the for survival because we believe we can get lost because our brain grew which was an intuitively DNA encoded idea evolving through the parent, in whatever way biology or spirituality might ever truly know to explain it by going backward in time, which leaves echoes which are an objective reality in our universe... if we believe in it? Or absolutely? Is the absolute even a thing, like true reality? Is there a true reality? Absolutely, exclusionary consciousness bubbles of Gods? That's Leo's epiphany/awakening, no dual insight from his 5 meo trips and now he talks about awakening, and now he's getting epiphany, and now he's telling you about life purpose, and now he apologizes about the way he speaks, and now maybe everything gravitates around a cosmic frequency and harmony that we can merge into if we believe in it? Or have a mystical experience or use our innate inner senses like imagination which is crazy but anything is craziness is wacky, and scary of course because of the fear of getting lost, the pain of physically hurting yourself but maybe more your brain disintegrating, which is a health concern granted our diet and lifestyle but we all die one day, so unless you're fine with becoming nothing and unexisting like the Buddhists to end their suffering that is dying with karma and reincarnation as an animal or something or the physical matter of your brain getting eaten by an animal and integrated unless it's just dissolved by stomach acid but there might have been a stress hormone eaten with the meat that goes into the body and makes out feel bad and depressed eating tortured animals in our modern world and eating tortured meat which contains this physical matter as a chemical formula for a thing that is what we maybe believe it is? (Does belief change physical reality? If we believe it does? Maybe? Absolutely? If we can access that part of the brain beyond the infinite coping mechanism we can reintegrate and fractalize ourselves into an energetic dimension beyond the body and stay alive consciously after death, but as long as there is a psychic identity and desire to survive strong enough to get lost but even if lost can be found by non physical beings who integrate that lost soul being the power of love and the desire for love attracting all things and all universes because love heals and is selfless and wants to heal and our desire or belief in it or ultimately the chance of imagining it into existence appearing and intertwining with the system, we gravitate to it and eventually become one which is god, which ever we choose to visit or actualize, which is losing our identity in the belief of being material, which may be hard, but ultimately there is only one God which is when all other desires collapse, which is the ego, desire, letting go of desire, yoga, chakras, energy centers, psychic energies,is in the body and maybe some imaginary ideas about the connection to divine spirits is merely an attractive force which is strong, not self inhibiting and not closer navigating to an other dimension which could be a mental psychic universe. Where was I? Brain, mind, matter, void, doubt, depression, fear, actuality, dissolution, freedom, higher energy body? How do I get there? When I stop asking myself the question? If the need to resist it no longer arises? When the firing neurons in my brain disentangle these connections, psychedelics, dissociatives? Less ego, more perception, understanding? Photons and our eyes sharing physical reality sure make consensus convenient, I wonder how insane a man by himself could become, questioning and dissolving reality with only one observer, before realizing he's god, which sounds like a fun thing to be once you know how to be it responsibly and not create too many traps and problems, if you're a smart god, then you think of a smarter god, which thinks of the smartest god, which either becomes bored of the process, wondering if he is forgetting about something, visualize this as a float bubble flowchart in the geometrically align arch, imagine a ring of an equal one around that, zoom out again, multiply, keep imagining, train your mind muscles, or transcend the need for them to be limited by physicality and align yourself with your energy body once you realize how to absolutely merge into it, are you still following me, you're hallucinating me into existence in whichever way connects me to you, physical, psychic, universal, random, sensual, visual, emotional, computer pixel reductionistical. I still believe in others, and I believe in 3d space, matter, humans, computers, navigation, forums, ideas, comments, and I guess most of you still make sense of what I say feeling somewhat like me connected to this physical round ball of 3d earth and human ideas. Do our eyes make reality 3d and how does our brain grow into that unless the distance between these two is very short neuronally or what ever elly can emerge out of a single cell, a single human stem cell, a whole freaking other ego, thing, other, connection, alternate self, emerges out of that physical cell into a form like your own unless you don't believe in that and believe you are a solipsist creating a bubble of bare minimum thoughts about superficial perception of others without a coherent holistic holographic understanding that would make a self-understanding ego interesting, once these individuals are materialized enough in our own vortex of torus energy flow our current ego may or may not want to remain individual when merging into gods imitlessness. I don't know how that stuff works and this is so much to take in. Can I see 4d? Maybe, but there's so much information, pixelation visualization without an evolved specialized sensory organ, 4d space, seen as natively as 3d space. I wonder how much of reality is overlayed with visual filters of simplification or geometrical interpretation and mood enhancement. I wanna see 4d space, but how do I even understand it? 4 3D cartesian cubes which represent 3d universes with randomly distributed particles overlayed, assigning each unique colors and keeping in consistency the distance between them to learn to apply laws to, to create universes, first there was the word and the word was god. Let there be light and there was light. Let me look that up. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. God said, Let there be light: and there was light. God saw the light, and it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. Oh my god, duality, god, matter, sacred geometry, elements, morality, joy. I have to run through all the mystic and religious scriptures, this is so trippy. How many awakening until enlightenment? Or is enlightenment blissful ignorance, or is being knowing only through self-annihilation, which sounds like something humans are doing for the last centuries. I am logicaling this out so much right now where others would just energetically feel themselves into the intuitive universtanding or figure out a way to bring understanding to them, guess that's the quality of knowledge vs wisdom, vs intelligence, great intelligence may not be very content and peaceful, knowledge is infinite, there is always more, always meta meta meta, knowing. Where was I? Exactly the point, you get lost, that's why we let our brain integrate multi-sense experience and encode those together materializing intuition through known forms broad visualization creation. So many concepts, that's why we create personalities, faces, gestures, egos, and encode understand as personas, makes interaction much easier by known forms coming together, barriers dissolving, self-expanding, dimensional acquisition, unity, expanding into infinity, the nature of imagination, our true higher nature as gods, always becoming more, the alien exists and it is assimilated, this is an infinite process of gravitating ideas floating around encoded by uniting with self-created, conscious entities, creating their own structure and managing the integration of infinite ideas passing the universal barrier that strives for cohesion, creating solar systems,galaxies, universes, multiverses, psychic gods, machine elves, entities, Ra, Seth, Gods, connections across realities through ideas and energy, cosmic energy, gamma rays, is light energy vision or heat or both and what is the darkness, why is darkness scary, alone, seperated, unstimulated, bored, self-referential, gravitational, emotional. Is the sun love or is it a belief or is it in the DNA, or is it projection, or psychic communication, that vitamin d allegedly with all its manifestations across the world and the idea of self and actuality and reality cohesion and culture and so forth. Every thing feels simple compared to this, but it's a mult-sense integration process and memory awareness, wonder how that works. Which really just means that I don't know anything, well clearly something but a confusing something, but at least the nature of it. Madness is the realization how arbitrary all the connections we have made this far have been and how we're keeping them static in our mind with cycles of continuous unconscious awareness and ripples while moving forward. Makes one want to have a simple life. Chop wood, carry water. But then we repeat, dissociate, until self-imposed barriers and energies are dissolved and the universal barrier opens up to new ideas. Psychic energy means access to energies experienced outwardly inwardly. What was I talking about? Infinity is a pattern, consciousness is self-organizing expansion of ideas through infinity and a creative process of integration, internalization and ego creation, imagination, realization, foundation. Psychedelics might simplify the idea constellation or expanding to occur, dissociatives relax the ego, different substances will cause various reaction which ease into a pattern of slow imagination, brain integration. Our brains are made of so many ideas, but we focus our ego on so little, no wonder we get monotonous, stressed, angry, afraid and of course the fear of death, the loss of this idea constellation, all encoded in the lower deeper parts of the brain, less neurons and bridges between them, primal fears of death and loss and void, singularities of fear, I wonder if fear expands as fast as love. We are ESP, sensing auras or perceiving energies, forms, mannerisms, behavior, microexpressions, self-reflection, the world is ideas filtering ideas while expanding its interconnected network of ideas. Patterns, connections between ideas, intuitional, imaginational or sensory projected internalization of sense making and self realizing, old ideas, new ideas, filtered through every lens, distorting perception, fractalization, imagination, pattern realization, interpretation. Psychedelics can do a great many things, disruption of old patterns, creation of new ones, the dynamic brain network evolving. Fractals, mandelbrot, infinitely infinite patterns filtered through all other patterns, fractalizing possibilities. Love, openness, discovery, joy, freedom. I want to learn to navigate extrasensory psychic realities. Aliens. Fear. Defense Mechanisms, self-contructed traps of madness, gravitating prisons of negative belief, boredom. Endlessly, endlessly I contain infinite information, an ever expanding exponentially exponential equation. There is no way you can cram that much information into anything physical as we understand it. Maybe if an atom is a in fact a universe with a huge gravitational center making it look like a ball of energy or a radient energy field, when 99% of the atom is empty and so forth, then this is already a projected merging across knows sensory wave identification visualizing universes coming together through gravitational energy barriers, projecting the already experienced future, to slow down assimilation, There are therefore electromagnetic energy barriers that extend and form a psychic energy field, which forms realities and the absorption and navigation of ideas while integrating and holistically expanding the old ones. That's why we love myths so much, it's an artform, a wonderful sensation, beautiful imagination. Now I'm interested in the esoteric. Everything is true, every reality imagening itself into existence with the same absoluteness as the others willful ignorance but peaceful expansion. Ideas fractalize infinitely and form physical matter to self-navigate as entities, that manifest and evolve many attitudes, Is food made of ideas, and there are also attitudes and self-projected desires and fears, and overlay, interpretation, alignment, evolution, karma, past, We always change, we become the alien, acquire ideas, attitudes, limits, which dissolve, interconnect and self organize to understand through patterns, machine elves, entities, gods, aliens. We are an alien to our limited past,an an alien to the ever morphing future, both projections of the present, but the experience of the newest now is key, only getting more internalized with time, until new patterns and scales of organization overshadow it, the matrix. Star Trek, to go where no one has gone before. Ever new ideas, ever more to experience, integrate, form, energize, maintain. Quite the task. How does one navigate infinity, self-organize, forget, remember? There is no direction, there is no objective universe, there are only ideas, self organizing with new ideas and fractalising upon themselves. It goes like this: There is an idea, there is another idea, the distance between them creates a dimensional distortion, the distance/difference between the ideas decreases. They merge together and create a holistic exploration with new ideas. There is dynamic process, a pattern, an understanding organizing inside the fractal, and that's what you are, ever integrating old ideas while exploring new ones in all dimensions possible, creating intuitions, emotions, visualizations. Everything is energy, is ideas, the force bringing them together and the reactions of integration patterns. Do you know how many yet unimagined senses aliens could have that we're not aware of, so many reality filtering extra-dimensional, extra-ideal lenses. Colors are a continuum, an associatory pattern, just like emotions, insights, creativity, imagination. 60 Fractals per Second. How does one navigate infinity?

Why do psychedelics? Go meta, go deeper, unlock the subconscious, expand the mind, access new dimensions of understanding, integrate, become more whole, solve problems, solve problem-solving paradigm, solve whatever makes one go around solving things. Let's say there is no tolerance/resistance. Let's say you can take as much as you want. Let's say we turn psychedelics into a holographic overlay and use it as a slider and can simply access that slider at any time and push it back and forth based on will. Now what do we have, what do we do? Psychedelics make us dissolve our ego and become boundless. Our problems go away and so do the rewards for solving the problems and so does the identity that exists between problem-solving as anything in life can be reframed as a problem to solve, including existence itself. But then we go further and further, become a fractal, every object freely associating to and reflecting every other object, all parts of cognition jumping into activity, new lenses materializing, new desires acquiring, new understanding being formed, going meta on the universe itself. Now we're in absolute relativity, any experience is made of constituent parts, codependent origination through contrast, it leads to all others, the sequence of time is a mere creation of the metamorphic being that one is, to generate that existence into actuality. One can be anywhere. Where should one be? One? Oneself is made of infinity of phenomena. When one is whole, what's next? No, really? Life seems like the externalization and separation from perfection in order to learn and reintegrate and grow and be creative and have an experience, and do something, or feel something, or understand something. So with the power of psychedelics, we can turn into pure energy beings that can generate any kind of reality within themselves and leave all limitations behind, but then what? After transcending each of Leo's traps and trap-traps and counter-intuitive traps and non-linear traps and all the other traps, why were there all these traps to begin with and what are we chasing again?

@theleelajoker, @Someone here I agree, this was at the peak of my experience. Treat it as a journal. I needed to get it out there before it escaped me but in hindsight, there is lots to integrate. The experience is that everything is ideas overlaying ideas, each idea a dimension of reality forming into an organized 3d environment through mapping where there is no objective outside structure but all is created by corelating and overlaying all these dimensions of actuality from within among each axis separately to create a coherent externalized perception and mind. @Princess Arabia , @Carl-Richard I'm figuring it all out and will make it all more elegant and readable in structure, imagine going into cinema as a kid and being completely blown away by an experience, that's what it was for me. Well, that's what it felt like, and I've got lots to integrate. @Ishanga Welp, can't really disagree, it was way too mind-blowing, which created a seismic wave of "seeing behind the curtains of the universe" type feeling that did make me go haywire, though I realized how stupid and exaggerated the title sounded afterwards, but it's kind of like going to a party and getting all energetic and riled up, forgetting that one is indeed just acting like a monkey surrounded by fancy lights. Still, creating a provocative ego-bloated post is rather subtle compared to starting a cult, business or desire for an externalized identity, which is what I'm trying to overcome, by having such experiences internally before I explode with action externally, and instead integrate internally again afterwards.

The ground is flat, flatness, a perspectival distortion, euclidian visualization, imagination, fractal geometry. concepts, words, perceptions, ideas, absolutes, experiences, consciousness, being, projection, recursion, loop, fractal, spiral, meta awareness. What is the ground? A thing, a form, a wave stretched and misunderstood, but separated, absolutized, inverted, made its own thing, an absolute concept, a singularity, a lack, a being, creativity, a newly acquired lens of perception and interpretation, universe reinterpretation, holistic expansion, foundation for creation, fractalization, reality manipulation. But what is it really? Zoom in, matter, more matter, even more matter, waves, energy, forms, fractals, dust, light, waves, emptiness, fullness, nothingness, everythingness, a mirror, self-reflection? What self, everything is a self, there is no self, everything is everything is nothing, but not nothing, because its something, but that something is always a reflection of something else, but that something else is its own reflection, how can that be, two mirrors mirroring each other to infinity, but what's the substance being mirrored, how does form arise from formlessness, or does it? form is form and formlessness is a form, everything is form, non-duality, the aether, the fifth platonic solid, the ground of being, universal frequency, the eternal substrate. The form is the form and is not the form but everything is form and beyond form there is more form, but is it the same form? The fractal nature of existence and meta-cognition, expanding in all directions from where? no where? No! Everywhere! Every point a singularity mirroring every other singularity in existence and separated by psychic awareness, the aether, the ground of connection, invention, a new realization! Two waves overlapping, double slit, wave particle duality, a form of perception, projection, new visualization, self-reflection, intention creation, ever flowing imagination! Observer dependent? What's an observer? Consciousness, what part of it? Every part of it but what is awareness when its lacking? Particle when observed, wave when not? But is it itself not an observer, isn't everything consciousness? Yes, but what is it when it doesn't observe itself, nothing and everything unless someone wants it to be something, The light reflects you, there is no light, there is you, you are the light, there is no you, there is light, there's both you and light and there is neither and that's consciousness for you.

The point of death, fear, collapse, I am continuously circuling around it. The dissolution, transition, inversion through nothingness into pure imagination. A knowing, being, source, formless field spawning desires, conditions, forms. Desires manifest reality, sustain it, splits oneself to experience that self, merges, fusion, ecstasy. Karma, beliefs, frameworks, judgements, preferences, sustaining the growing self, ego, Leo. Desire to know more, a reason to live. Life grows out of itself, building karma in the waiting room out of boredom. Sacred geometry complexities, fractals, expands, diverges, self-reflects. External action comes from internal desires, a projected seperation of self, belief reinforcing itself, materializing as reality, retroactively spawning physical laws to validate previous unconscious action, reinforcing belief in constants, laws, reality. Karma is the memory and physicality acquired by consciousness buying into it's own forward projected imagined dual desires. Desires are self-sustaining, you are not desire, you are not form, you are consciousness. Consciousness spawns all form, dimensions, universes. Consciousness is and consciousness creates. Consciousness forgets and consciousness remembers by realizing it's own self-creation.

The more context I gather and the more I feel into it, the more it feels like psychedelics are burning away our karma and the negative resistance and side effects of prolonged usage are really a denial of what seems to be a natural progression to Mahasamadhi. And it would also explain astral projection causing headaches as the mind gets disconnected from the body and needs to reintegrate. I felt several times like I was at the verge of dissolving into nothingness, accessing alien consciousness or desiring to transcend physical existence to break material limitations. At some point, these tools for god consciousness lead to a natural continuation of the spiritual path when the desire for material pleasures fade away as we resolve our traumas and become whole (the whole path of Buddhism and esoteric Hinduism). So then why do we immediately judge side effects as health complications when really it might not be a bug but a feature. Psychedelic kundalini awakening can be pretty anti-climactic though because all desires burn away, but so is grinding after an externalized goal for 20 years to realize it doesn't bring happiness. So my take about psychedelics is, they inevitably lead to mahasamadhi and all negative side effects are resisting and postponing that process in intuitive fear of dissolution, but maybe there's more life to experience so "awareness itself is curative"

Can a human move its hand through conscious intent? It feels like it can, but if not, is the god or conscious entity behind the human doing it? Can consciousness control its actions or is it an automatic process that only seems to be in control? Is the world an automatic imagination without self-determination or is there at any point a conscious will that can affect and direct actions through self-understanding? And if so, to what extent does it control the movement of the human, the thoughts of the human, the integration of senses through imagination, the physicality and reality of the perceived world, the universe at large and how can one realize and gain control over the process? I mean, all that happens could already be perfect, but then it'd be nice to become directly aware of why it is.

@LastThursday At the same time, the first time we learn a new thing, it is a manual feeling and as we integrate it, we feel it less and it becomes automatic. Being content and relaxed feels more flow like, being stressed and cautious makes one self-conscious, of course one is conscious regardless but it seems that there is a distinct focus and precision of action that comes from will, but also power, desire, direction that changes default behavior. The flow state arises when one knows what to do, is at peace while doing it and masters a certain activity, I guess it comes from knowing what to do and trusting one's body and intuition to smooth out the details and variance. Meanwhile doing something completely new and unknown and being insecure makes one very intentfully engaged to get it right, it's like will is now unleashed to make non-linear decisions and handle the situation. I wouldn't dismiss will as not influencing action just yet, I just think that repetitive behavior is outsourced, so it can focus.

I keep returning to the material, light entering my eye cones creating vision, looking at brightness dilates my pupils, changes intake of light and makes my vision darker. Thoughts corresponding to neural firing patterns, taking psychedelics activating the whole system and changing consciousness from the material side outside in. When I close my eyes, I still feel my environment. But no material creates experience. If my environment exists independently of if I pick it up with all my senses, then it's simply a deeper layer of imagination. Every single experience ever had is pure imagination: the hardness of metal, softness of a pillow, colors, riding a bike, ideas, math, books, shapes, people, identities, emotions, preferences, limitations. All of reality is internal, within consciousness, I am a feeling, idea, shape and conscious experience within the greater consciousness which I also am. I am the world and universe and immateriality and imagination and essentially pure being making up experiences like thoughts and distinctions and paradigms and beliefs about my creation filling my self with tendencies and limitations in the way I exist and form reality or reality forming itself or formlessness navigating that which arises. I want to become aware of how this happens, on how imagination works, on how this reality materializes, on how much influence I have over this process that up until now has been autonomous. I move my body, form my thoughts, how far does this intentfulness stretch? How much am I in control of? How much control do I have over my mental perception, my sensory interpretation, my existential nature, kundalini energy, how do I become aware of my greater self internally? I looked into the mirror, I am not this character but am constructing him as pure consciousness self-reflecting through the act of reality materialization.

@Someone here Consciousness is imagining such scenarios. It's just that it's hard for me to imagine memory, personality or will being formless and not made of components that encode and shuffle all these traits and changes. But that's my materialist conditioning at work.