Keryo Koffa

To expand upon it. How do you see reality constructed? Is it a dynamic illusory assembly of surroundings in periphery, similar to how video games recalculate and render on the go? Or does it have a coherent existence that the current awareness processes and tunes in and out of that exists independently with other awareness bubbles equal in substance to the current that are simply unobserved from the current vantage point but rendered and experienced simultaneously outside of the current experience by other portions of a greater self/god that can be united on a deeper more inclusive layer of consciousness and have detail and experience similar to your own? It's the difference between reality only existing as it is continuously experienced versus tuning into a greater substrate and limiting ones experience forming a bubble of awareness on a relative level that dissolves in the absolute?

@Princess Arabia True, one could say we start enlightened but unaware, because it is a constant, we do not pick up a difference and differences are how learn about reality, we enter dualities in ignorance and dissolve them in awareness, this is due to conditioning, we separate ourselves from enlightenment through a lack of awareness and assumption of dualities, to return to enlightenment, we simply need to realize and dissolve the illusion that makes us chase it.

@Ramu making sense of the feedback loops and removing conditioning is a process, give them time...

if it's infinite, isn't there infinite room for it alongside everything else? or is it the illusory notion of there being some realm outside consciousness you're tackling? since it can be fully encompassed inside consciousness instead of believing it exists outside...

@A Fellow Lighter I will be talking about the immediately unfolding universe as well as the mental construction that maps that higher layer of actuality in the following: I agree there is no need for any reality beyond the POV construction. However, I also think that the indiscriminate construction inside infinite consciousness does yield awareness outside our own, though it is an assumption and I have to be precise with my wording here. The absolute scale is all encompassing, but within it are holarchies that exist both in relation to each other and independently as well. My POV and your POV are such holarchies inside the infinite that on a higher level are unseparated, but I think on a lower simultaneously conscious layer, those do actually coexist, even though the only way to prove that would be for them to merge. And I think the consistency of our world is a lower holarchy substrate that our POVs construct around, that is to say, the infinite constructs worlds and selves through POVs. But immense intelligence is required to create a self, a world and such a realistic and consistent POV and I think the cosmic intelligence that creates it becomes each and every part of the infinite fractal creation in the process, experiencing multiple POVs simultaneously. The idea of other places is a potential that fades in and out of our POV awareness, but it nonetheless exists as that actualizable potential and what I'm hinting at is the idea that our current POV may not be the only thing occupying all of consciousness, as much as it is an absolute self-contained holon in itself that becomes the things it explores and can only ever access them within itself by tuning into other frequencies that exist on other currently unaware holarchies within the greater substrate of consciousness, really any imaginable experience. Solipsism is the idea that the current experience as it is, is the only one in existence, and while I agree that on the highest layer everything is one, I also think that our awareness as we experience it occurs simultaneously in others irregardless of us witnessing it, on a higher layer in infinite self-contained POVs that can merge with others and expand in the process. You can also use imagination and ultimately everything is imagination, but I think there is more to the process than random daydreaming to create our highly complex reality and the minds of self and others, though all we know of them and the way we construct them is contained within us and on a higher level they are literally interconnected into one. Now you might be asking why all the theorizing, it's because I'm interested in the nature of consciousness and think that Solipsism is true but incomplete, like any stage of spiral dynamics being a natural evolution of the last. Not to say that reality isn't purely arbitrary construction, which it may very well be, but it may also be more, which in truth is ultimately building on the same groundlessness but in multiple layers and holarchies, which I am interested in exploring, to see how reality is constructed, mental concepts are easy to see through, but I want to become aware of the process the constructs the senses and perception of physicality and grounds me in this dimension.

@LSD-Rumi If I look back at recordings from past trips, I seemed to be far more in identity, and the experiences were profound due to the releases of limited beliefs they provided. I am much calmer now, more aware of all these aspects of myself. It's quite strange to think about the fact that an important awakening involved the realization of how important "conscious awareness" is, makes me wonder how I was before...

I had two profound hyper-heroic dose trips in the past year. In the second half of them, I was stuck in a time loop. I could move objects, look at the clock, would get fatigued, return to one spot, realize time had reversed, everything was back to the original configuration and then gradually forget and repeat. I'd get deja vu throughout, only had enough awareness that I was in a loop, but not how to change or end it and would eventually realize that I keep repeating it at the very end becoming restless and then forgetting and starting anew. It made me really paranoid, that I need to change something, or it will keep repeating forever but maybe I thought of that before and it is part of the loop, maybe any action I take is already part of it. My final decision was to accept it and make myself comfortable with waiting it out, and eventually I returned to normal. But the idea still rings, what do you think, what would you do?

@integral Back then, I was holding onto existence, it felt like if I blanked out, I may not return or be the same, I also wanted to remember the experience and was highly identified with cognitive understanding. I tried to keep at least rudimentary concepts in tact, like that of passing time or the notion that I'm having an unusual experience but am fine irregardless. Because when all sense of context and identity leaves, I wasn't sure how I would react, if I would get myself into trouble or hurt myself. It is exactly those experiences that led me to learn that I can integrate understanding from the cognitive layer into a more existential ever present awareness, so that my base state irregardless of experience reacts in a calm, explorative manner. That even if I were to lose all sense of context and identity, I would nonetheless feel in tune with a deeper awareness, a being independent of context. I learn to shift my ideas and identity to a vaster substrate, a more intuitive way of knowing. And now I wonder if I wound up back in that experience, would my developments skip it entirely, was it a symbolization of that which I am to let go of, would I be able to figure out what that is, would I stand the trial, could I from this vastly disconnected state of being explore reality in a profound fashion, there is a little fear of entering that state again, though I am more prepared now, but I still somewhat fear to lose my sense of self, the profound shift of context, I can deal with gradual change, with voluntary realization and letting go of limitations, but the levels of immediate change were so great, that it felt like I may as well dissipate into thin air, put another person in that place and pretend that's me, it's quite something.

@A Fellow Lighter If I interpret correctly, the discovery was the deconstruction of the belief in an objective observer, the illusion of identification with a continuously arising and changing phenomenon akin to everything else, a form within the infinite substrate of formlessness. I wonder, what is your view on the nature of the self, others, the world and solipsism? Is the substrate of consciousness forming bubbles of individual awareness? If so, how are they related? Did you get insights about the nature and structure of reality and that which we perceive as forces of nature?

It's an Aha! moment, where you realize something that seems obvious in hindsight but nonetheless profound. It's like grasping a new concept, that which is pointed to, counting to infinity vs realizing where that leads. It's making sense of yourself, others and the world through a new substrate that connects them all.

@Rafael Thundercat On the second trip I later experienced an interplay of duality and unity, I guess it makes sense, we explore reality in all its dualities and then dissolve them into non-duality in endless permutations. Although, we do end up bored and then strive for new types of experiences, but I guess the experience was kind of hinting to that, or the stick ego, or the fear of going outside of oneself and making new experiences, or getting lost, or something like that

@What Am I That sounds funny and scary, like being unable to stop laughing even when it starts hurting. That must have been quite the experience, especially since it was a group experience, that must have doubled the impact. Just woah. Mega doses seem to not only deconstruct reality but also the memory necessary to make sense of a moment to moment experience. The tendency is to deconstruct everything and tune out of sensory awareness. It might lack bandwidth to make sense of the context, leading to singular specific actions, a loop might be the simplest form of understanding unable to go beyond itself.

Since this post is so long, you can just read the summery in parentheses after each paragraph. We have experiences, build correlations, identify patters, materialize desires, externalize needs and project them onto objects, destinations, lifestyles. We wire our mind, connect one sensation onto another, intertwine it with emotions, project and create experiences, entangle ourselves in reality, connect dots, try to make sense, find out what stays consistent, pursue what we correlate with meaning, react based on our understanding, preference, model of reality. We go meta, analyze from a higher vantage point, take on new axioms, untangle one experience from the other, build new context, strive to be more objective, less biased, less self-indulgent, more understanding, more aware of the big picture, a holistic view of where we are, what we are, how we are, why we are, that we are, to see our assumptions as assumptions, identify our intent and its source, arising experience for what it is, figure out how to do that, continue to intuit, explore, experience, be. (Sensations form constellations) Reality has many dimensions, its a sphere we can subdivide, cut into pieces, we can use the pieces to create things, shapes, forms, objects, subjects, selves. The way we connect these things, the way we cognize and make sense, the way we wire sensations with desires, impulses, drives, the way those emerge higher understanding, models, realities. We construct reality, aware or unaware of how we do it. We move our body, choose our activities, consciously or unconsciously, there are many layers of understanding and interpretation, mechanics, explanations, sciences, consistencies, nature, invisible forces, perceived changes, cycles, repetitions, patterns. The conscious and unconscious inflect upon each other to polarize into individual experiences. (Their arrangement is arbitrary) Do we have control? What is control? Is there such a thing as control? Reality flows, we make decisions, we think we make decisions, something makes decisions, we feel the drives within us, the impulses that adjust behavior, manipulate reality. Are we the ones doing it? The self, a constellation, accumulation of patters, ideas, behaviors, acquired tendencies, a reflection of the world it is apart of and yet distinctly itself, creating reality inside out and entangling itself with it, holistically interacting across multiple domains? Do I make decisions or am I simply a conglomerate of the cells that make me deciding as a hive, gut, heart, brain, the personalities within me, the arising desires. Even so, the problem doesn't dissipate, if my cells make the decisions, even then, that which I believe myself to be would simply adjust to be their emergent property, in a way it doesn't matter, since I'd still be every single one of these cells and the emergent, us making decisions or me really becomes the same thing, if will is made on a lower substrate, then the higher is not without will but a more complex expression. But that's just a theory, idea, will is an axiom, ascribed, the self is an axiom, and science is figuring it out under the assumption that it exists, there is something of a gestalt. (The ego is a gestalt) Maybe the perceiver is an illusion, all these unique forces of nature align to create the gestalt I perceive, I believe myself to be. But the duality of a perceiver separates it from the perceived. Yet all it ever sees and knows and can experience is so by virtue of being an experience perceived, by definition not the perceiver. And yet, all of that appears to come out of the perceiver, or flow through it, it is entangled by virtue of being perceived. Let's collapse the duality of perceiver and perceived. In that case everything is perceived or perceiver, let's call it capital P Perception. Perception is being, experiencing, though what about the unperceived, unexperienced, the thoughts that pass through perception and disappear back into the subconscious/unconscious aether. (The duality of perceiver and perceived collapses) There is a duality of the present experience as Perception and on the other hand the known to exist potential unactualized, dematerialized, hidden away. Of all the possible experience, one possibility is currently the case in Perception. Imagine blue, imagine red, now blue is gone but its still in the local subconscious, we can bring it back out, shuffle those two, combine them, but there is much more in the yet unconscious, random ideas we can remember, associate, spawn, an elephant, where did it come from? It wasn't there, now it is. (There is a vast hidden reality beyond the current Experience) Nothingness is the guitar string at rest, in tension, in its original formlessness, without sound, without experience, no action, pure being, all contained, itself empty, Shiva. Objects, ideas, the omni-dimensional fabric of reality, unentangled, pure, detached, without form, without purpose, without assumption, axioms, impulses, unease, tension, drives creating conflict and pursuit, the feeling of separation, the duality of selfishness and selflessness, of love and hate and apathy, and the entropy towards Unity. The ultimate nothing, the nothing that excludes itself, the idea that goes meta, cuts its tail and self-annihilates. The kundalini that burns all karma, the freedom of being content, fulfilled, untangled, of being where one wants to be, more even, the collapse of all dualities create a no-space, no-distance, everything already is, nowhere to go, nowhere to be, a singularity that merges all and annihilates all distance. Now there is no story, no protagonist, no world, no being nor non-being, neither isness nor non-isness, when all dualities, all pointers collapse themselves. (Nothingness collapses all forms into the base state) Nothingness is the realization that any constellation of experience is possible, that any arrangement of forms is arbitrary. That any desire connects itself to other sensations creating a gestalt. Forms keep themselves afloat, they link and associate themselves to other forms, creating pathways, roads, directions, cycles, stories, experiences, dependent arising/origination whose contrast creates an actual Duality that correspondingly spawns the idea of itself, through identification of the inherent difference of perception, which is created inside out through sensory perception, but on a larger scale the universe really takes that form in order for it to become the experience of an individual to be processed and interpreted further. But that actuality is a higher form of the same phenomenon, invisible forces, laws of physics, dependent origination, complexifying and turning itself into self-perceiving observers made conscious through the perception of those more universal forms. There is consciousness and within it infinite forms. (The universe splits itself into dualities and experiences itself through entities) This isn't a reason to despair into nihilism, nihilism ultimately inflects upon itself and dissolves as well. Purpose is self-determined, socially expanded/contextualized/harmonized, God a dreamer across infinite dimensions, lifeforms arrange themselves creating tendencies and desires, exploring the universe. We use senses to create ourselves, cognition to understand ourselves explicitly, through intuition implicitly, our brain is both dual and non-dual, left and right hemisphere, order and chaos, form and creativity that arises from the formless. We are created and on a higher level create ourselves, our awareness of the process is variable, dualities form different interpretations and collapse into higher self-understanding. (We create and experience ourselves through dualities and exist independently in the formless) We build systems, sciences, mathematics, physics, biology, they are self-contained systems, maps, a conceptual reflection of reality, a variable progressing technical mechanistic understanding, we try to unite them through formulas, strive to achieve complete consistency. Reality is outside of that, it is Meta. We use these rules to understand correlations, to manipulate reality, but reality can always go meta, can always be more. In a new realization, it itself becomes the past, a lens of perception, interpretation, correlation, constellation. But it is cut off from the ever rejuvenating present that transcends it and expands itself non-linearly by creating new patterns that are retroactively integrated, universal intelligence, Chitta. (Systems are self-contained mechanically consistent models that correspond or correlate with specific aspects of reality, but reality is infinitely more meta) Pragmatically, we keep ideas, models, relations in our mind, but there is a force capable of instant understanding, the source of creation, a cosmic intelligence that leads one to understand what a thing is in itself, unmeasured by contrast, untainted by preference, bias, desire. I am attached to models, understanding, but there is a force that transcends and skips all that by going beyond and becoming the thing it seeks to understand, foregoing all the complicated dualistic calculations that try to understand a thing through its correlation with other things. An awareness, that sees and knows, an intuition that feels, a top-down understanding and the more I break away from creating systems, that more I access it, but its always beyond. If I want to create something in this dualistic world, then I conceptualize, associate and relate what I know, then use this knowledge to create. But to use this transcendent intelligence is go straight to the source of one's desire and work top down, breaking the top holon into the simplest pieces necessary to replicate it and discovering new patterns in the process. (There is a cosmic top-down intelligence that arises spontaneously to those with an empty mind) One has goals, dualities created for the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit itself creates separation, and yet that pursuit itself is the result of a previous state of unhappiness, it is an attempt to solve it, but it is a separate overlay, a distinction created to externally resolve a corresponding projected image of an internal state. That internal state however is a result of one's own self-understanding and psyche, self-image, the belief that the external shall inform the internal, that internal feelings ought to correspond to external achievements or environments. This dichotomy itself is the problem, internal states are self-regulated, self-imposed, self-determined, it is simply the lack of consciousness that prevented one from seeing that all internal feelings are a self-determined correspondence to external reality. Wants and desires are subconsciously wired to the allowance of the experience of happiness, initially they are wired for survival, after this when a model of reality is constructed in childhood, reality is far more variable and flexible, but with oughts/shoulds and expectations a pattern of gratification, of conditioned happiness is developed, assumed objective, assumed real, believed into existence, a self-fulfilling prophecy, a blindspot, a mechanic system of beliefs but greater reality transcends the limitations that the ego loses itself in. (Happiness is natural state that the ego separates itself from through conditions) Unity -> Duality -> Arrangement -> Interpretation -> Systems -> Consistency -> Mechanics -> Knowledge -> "Facts" -> Ego Ego -> Adaptation -> Exploration -> Change -> Transience -> Dynamicism -> Awareness -> Ego-Death -> Non-Duality -> Unity The world we see is an arrangement of many patterns, physically seeming properties, idea constructs, but they're dynamic, they reference an ever morphing system. Any idea, word, sentence is an attempt, a pointer towards an aspect of reality, ideas are absolute by themselves as definitions but are really just a map, not the territory. There is a process that creates the very ideas separate from territory. There is a process that creates the very territory itself. And there is a process that correlates the territory with maps and brings those maps into awareness as a bridge, (The map is not the territory but the process that allows for the creation of maps is quite fascinating) Everything is actual but some things are more directly actual than others. Actual Nothing -> Actual Something -> (Actual) Idea of Something -> (Actual) Idea of Nothing Though this is still a duality, if the territory is the truth, then the map is part of the territory, The map is a subset of the territory that creates a systemized reflection through available mechanisms. And then there is the territory itself, an uninterpreted, unsystemized non-dual experience of something that can be described through a thousand lenses and gives rise to any and all interpretations and creates a dozen dualities. The experience itself: "Actuality", of course actuality is a duality, or it can be used as such, clearly by the very fact of the existence of a word, it points to something and by pointing to something it points away from somewhere else. Actuality as a duality points to that territory from which all maps arise, it points away from the maps and onto the thing itself left uninterpreted. The greater capital Actuality however encompasses the map and dissolves the duality, the focus dissipates, everything becomes experience, including the process of creating maps and the maps themselves, the duality and objectification of the separation disappears. Everything becomes the territory, but that fact can only be understood by transcending the journey from where one stands, which is often from inside the duality that is to dissolve. (The map is actually a subset of the territory and merges with it in Non-Duality) In summery, Non-Dual Nothingness is the fabric of all being, it takes forms creating dualities and distinctions, creating objects and subjects and maps that are a subset of reality, any one thing can be interpreted in a million ways by a million lenses through association, distinction, pattern recognition. When Non-Dual Nothingness is paired as a duality with Non-Dual Infinity, that duality itself can be dissolved into a larger Non-Duality. Where everything is only and ever itself, all contexts can arise and are themselves as well. A superposition of any thing, a superposition of any combination, a superposition of any interpretation. A superposition of every pattern, the combination of any pattern with any other pattern in any constellation in relation to any other constellation, in any form or time, or relation, or entropy, contextualized and actualized in the infinite dream. (Nothingness and Infinity are two sides of the same coin and that coin itself is a superposition of anything and everything in any context and every context infinitely interconnected and intermerged in relation and contrasted to any and all other possibilities. To go meta is to transcend and include and the ultimate meta is that which transcends and includes everything including nothing and itself)

Our vision, attention, environment flows through ideas, sensations, desires. The things we are interested in, past, present, future, available for study in so many ways. The self bouncing around searching for purpose can expand or contract, polarize or dissolve. The structure of reality is questioned time and time again and never seems to be so easy to explain. But reality is an intelligent conscious field of wants materializing themselves as subjects and objects. If consistency matters, it is accommodated, if the future is to change, the past has to go, ripples across time. Each part a whole, continuously evolves and ripples outwards in fractals, sending waves across the fabric. An idea spawns the reality that brings itself into question, time is non-linear. To become Zen is to blend with the wave since each belief is a ripple in the lake.

There's a bunch of wires in your mind, you can link emotions to senses to actions to patterns any way you want, its a playground that's become subconscious. You might have wired the idea of others into your happiness center, but that's nothing detachment can't fix if you access a higher state of awareness that resets all your desires and lets you rewire your happiness. On the other hand, it's as arbitrary as any other desire and self-compassion turns into compassion for others which are externalized aspects of the self, when all need dissipates, everything is love.

@theleelajoker My own experience was insanely profound, I've been burning lifetimes of limiting ideas. Imagine throwing a ball and running to catch it before it falls to the ground, then you keep running and throw it again, having to accelerate even faster to catch it and that continues each time. @enchanted "You will continue to grow and develop, and you will become aware of other environments, even as you left your childhood home. But environments are not objective things, conglomerations of objects that exist independently of you. Instead you form them and they are quite literally extensions of yourself; materialized mental acts that extend outward from your consciousness." - Seth @r0ckyreed You pass it to your subconscious, experiences and consistency are preserved. It exists as potential and on a structural layer below your current ability to manipulate, it's there and you can tune into it, though from another perspective it is unreal but so is all of reality if you dissociate from your senses. @OBEler You could flip your ideas around and say that reality is as real as you are willing to explore it and as consistent as you care it to be, so technically there's no problem. Additionally if you are god, you can determine the nature of reality and the existence of coherent others just as real as you believe yourself to be. You consciously or unconsciously tune yourself to a reality that is a part of you in its unlimited complexity and can explore it omni-directionally. You can make it magical or material or both, transcending and uniting all paradigms but the emotions that emerge within you are just as real and meaningful as they've always been even if their context is far more variable now, the raw sensations and connections still exists as their distinct realities.

@r0ckyreed We pick up patterns and relate them, entangling them in the process. How do we know they're "really" entangled? We don't, it's all interpretation of experience. Our perception is absolute, unlike our interpretation and understanding thereof Sometimes we figure out formulas that let us predict the future, but those are just correlations. Unless we became God and created reality from scratch, we're working on our best guesses... We can start by honesty, exploring our emotions and the source of our desires and intentions though

@What Am I Well, if you focus on your room as you go into psychedelics, you will see a lot of detail you didn't notice before, objects, arrangements, patterns, textures, things you normally blend out. They also expand and magnify your senses, you're literally creating more space for detail as if you were subdividing reality into more dualities, brain regions interconnect, you unlock suppressed parts, you are perfectly in tune with the present moment, your curiosity expands, your awareness increases, your pattern recognition skyrockets. You unlock new ways to filter and perceive reality. Note that everyday reality is as much a projection of your mind as it is the input of your senses, you're often subconsciously filling in blanks in more profound ways than you can't yet imagine. On my latest trip I became aware that every idea, concept, object is merged in infinite interdimensional space in which everything is related and connected, each point of actuality protruding and finding expression in 3D space. But you could also imagine instead of 3D space with objects, each object being its own dimension being able to be related to every other object and simply using the restriction of 3D for convenience purposes. Every distinguishable "thing" being a lens that can be overplayed over every other or united in expression inside 3D space through color, shape, distance etc.. It might very well be that you brought back new concepts, that your sensory filtering expanded, that you're more aware now, that the mind that creates a projection of reality inside has changed some parameters. But whether actual reality has retroactively been overridden in ways beyond mere mind filtering, that's quite radical, not impossible but it seems rather improbable. But then you have to look into that and figure out what exactly is new. @OBEler What would prevent God from doing that? God is the entire universe and looks through the eyes of all personalities it becomes. God can do anything. Now, you clearly have limitations and so do I, ones we can't seem to just wish away. I presume that's because on a higher plane we have chosen to be here and experience whatever we are experiencing at full immersion, it's an idea. Also, God-realization can mean a lot of things, anyone who speaks about it can only do so because they're in a dual form right now. Impossibility doesn't exist on an absolute level, only within self-imposed limitations. If we broke the specific limits that keep us in this dream, we could with all our experiences, knowledge, unique lenses, identity, consciousness, go on an adventure and simply project an environment outward. We would still be as real or unreal as we are now. This really comes down to our understanding of the nature of each other, self and other, the Godhead, if there's other Godheads, souls, oversouls, personalities, bodies, the physical or experiential separation of consciousness. Are you a figment of my imagination only? Am I of yours only? Are we of each simultaneously but separately or united in objective space, are we part of the same Godhead, are both experiences equally real? We know this reality is possible in the way it is playing out by virtue of witnessing it. And nothing's impossible for God, right? So then shuffling some parts of it around using the power of god is a question of why not rather than if. The biggest obstacle really is the question of reality, how real are we anyway? Our personalities are mental constructs, right? But they have form, momentum, energy behind them just as much as our physical form, although they're very fictitious and relative, but isn't that the same as our experiences and physical bodies, compared to God anyway? I really don't know, but if we can communicate in the physical world sharing our senses and there's no reason why God can't be two and we can strip away the physical layer of reality and move closer to the source while keeping our mental bodies and identities alive, then I'm sure we could create an astral world to visit together, but then I have no actual clue how to do that, I lack the metaphysical experience. It would also bring out questions of Autonomy, but I heard nobody on the astral plane is concerned about that anymore and consciousness is far more flexible there while still maintaining a sense of self, albeit an ever expanding one. And I guess we already have that (probably) or at least the reality of our current experience is the base of your desire for another projection or manifestation of a dream with looser limits, in which case, there's nothing limiting Infinity from creating that except the self-imposed limits of this dimension. As Leo once said, he's god and can give you anything you want, you want an apple, he gives you an apple, then you want an orange but an orange is not an apple, and then you want something else, I guess we could transition from one dream to another, morph an apple to an orange but only by letting go of the deeper desire to experience this dream and convincing the other party to travel together to a new, once one figures out how to end it, that is.

@mmKay Without other selves, what do you need your face for? Your body, species, sense of self, without other observers to keep your form grounded, you would slowly dissolve into the cosmos. But it's all Identity, as an ego you shape your environment and interact with the world, as god you create worlds and inhabit personalities. Having other egos around sure spices things up, as you now become a subject in contrast, but someone without attachment to others would find amazing freedom and happiness in exploring a world on their own or creating it. But it would be hard for me to bear both the conditioned loneliness through the lack of others and the limitations of a physical body without the help of others trying to survive just like that. Also, technology, communication, ideas, art, my identity is highly dependent on the modern world.

I find myself in a sentimental mood, it's like the world is made up of endless possibilities, possible hobbies, relationships, experiences, but the impermanence of reality also means that any one thing will be forgotten in the scale of time, that all the lose ends, uncompleted activities, broken up conversations, interrupted events, ended friendships, words left unsaid, stores of cities left unexperienced, flowers left unseen and unsmelled, food not eaten, skills not acquired, profound moments passed, relationships discontinued, opportunities missed, words left unsaid, love left unseen, understanding uncommunicated, experiences left at a surface level, parts of the world not witnessed, songs unheard, cultures dissipated, families disbanded, friends unmet. It feels sad to think about all the bygone moments, the singular experiences that were interrupted by others, linear time preventing multiple focus and the infinite patterns that led to the manifestation of every single experience having ended it there and instead creating more, but a singular focus on any one part prevents alternate developments, yet all these possibilities are unexperienced all the same. I am aware that my psychological makeup is focusing my lens of attention through a specific filter which attracts all phenomena that feel alike, but that doesn't diminish the reality imagined and remembered that seems to break off at so many points. Impermanence is what allowed me to be where I am and having experienced what I have, to be locked into any one experience, one would miss the infinite others that follow it. One might become bored as well, but that's another matter that would give one agency, maybe the carpet wraps up before desensitization kicks in, or maybe the real childlike wonder stretches infinitely and knows no end and it is simply the focus on achievement and ever new experiences that perpetuates itself. One might say we are actors in a cosmic drama, maybe there are infinite more, but sometimes I wish I could free roam and visit different places, project myself into past and future experiences, visit alternative timelines, complete the unfinished, remember each profound moment, fully burn the karma and be able to access it anytime. Though one might say that the ego that creates the distinction of a self that craves those experiences is something to transcend upon which the desire is annihilated, but that sounds like apathy to me.

It's strange, once a certain peak of emotional intensity is reached and felt through, it dissipates like clouds after rain. Yet I know it is a dimension my experience connecting many others, a polarity of pent up karma, a heartful expression. But the disconnect after is quite strange, it's almost like a mystical experience, feeling it is different from remembering it.

The notion I am attached to is the idea that I can make things up and create new unique art from nothing, being individually responsible. But that doesn't really make sense, ideas occur within me but the only ones I can follow and expand are the ones I already have witnessed. Ideas pop into existence, I set a focus, but the insight simply appears, the process feels impersonal and no different from outside inspiration. We collect and shuffle patterns rearranging them or gaining insights based on intuition, synergy of concepts and what's in-between the lines. One might say god is creative, but same thing there, everything is a part of god, god explores itself and can see, observe, organize patterns. But going for Non-Duality everything just exists and flows through awareness, morphing in form and spawning insights. I can take a bunch of colors and rearrange some lines and pick up neat patterns and forms I remember and create a new context. None of the elements are original, they are observations or meta-models and I can relate those too, creating new configurations. I can use the Buddhi (Intellect) to cut and separate reality into parts and then arrange them, there is a lot of leeway. But essentially, I'm taking advantage of a huge database of forms and reshuffling them into new scenarios. But maybe that ability itself is creativity, though it might be dictated by desires which clashes with determinism, but that depends on the self. If there is no self, just an experience occurring, there's still a sense of self and if that is deconstructed, there is no self but also no problem. Maybe creativity is the foundation of reality, concepts merging with other concepts creating gestalts that create other gestalts and grow. Arising self-organizing lifeforms, complex self-witnessing structures, created and driven by creativity to create new creativity through being. Which would make us the expression, observer and agent of creativity, a wave in the ocean, all concepts, all imagination, all creativity.

The intellect is often used to divide reality and try to understand it retrospectively by observed interpretation of correlation and causality. But if a tree falls in the forest with no one to witness it, does it make a sound? (Quantum mechanics observer effect). Zeno's paradox is running half the distance in half the time each step, which goes 0.5, 0.75, 0.875,0.92... it's infinite, like zooming into a fractal. Is that what science is doing? Creating new layers on abstraction through observation and retroactively gaining access to another lens of reality perception origination, which is a process that fractals omnidimensionally from the current perceived center infinitely? Creating reality by imagining it into existence by looking at it from the current perspective which is itself a lens and expanding the territory? Cause that seems pretty arbitrary in the long run, expand ones perception to create more problems and science to figure it out just to expand endlessly. Of course it's a matter of perspective whether it is seen as cumbersome or enticing, but then it seems that from the center, we can go anywhere.

All the atoms, prisms, networks I imagine to codependently originate each other's existence through this experience, they all fold onto each other, twirl around, turn upside down, this sun that was shining outside of itself now turns inwards and lights itself up. I am exactly where I need to be. All the action I have to take to make a change, I know it, the vivid alien openness that I'm afraid to enter, it's there. I use my karma as an excuse, irregardless of what I am invited to observe. I have to let go of all the ties that make me, or dissolve all the knots I have made through my life or all the potentials and problems left unhandled. All of these ideas themselves don't bind me, only I do using them as an excuse. To learn more, to experience more, to understand more, to distract myself more. There is this overwhelming inner light, and whether it's death, or a barrier, or change, or nothingness, it's the singularity where everything originates. I am humbled, inadequate, using negative terms to bind me so that I do not enter that new dimension. In the end, it is fear.

Contextualize, reframe, synergize, connect, expand, encompass, simplify, interconnect, holonize It's like I have The Library of Babel inside me. Nothingness and Infinity are creating reality from both sides. Infinity is all energy, all 1s. Nothingness is emptiness, all 0s. And 1s and 0s form bites which encode information. So I have all the information and can see the connection between each two qualia, through the dimensions as a pattern. And there are infinite patterns codependently arising and creating each other. Patterns are in-betweens and their own absolute. Everything is a pattern and certain arrangements create certain phenomena. But I'm getting lost in the library. Every word connects to every other word. Every word tells a story and creates vivid associations with 1000 other words which each do the same and it never ends. And I'm left to wonder how in the world I am able to memorize this infinitude of things through individual relations and not go crazy if I happen to forget one, but what's even crazier, the idea that I cannot forget any, and yet I can paint the landscape any way I want by new connections. But in reality, I'm walking in circles going nowhere, and want to find some higher truth that I can depend on, but I'd only be making up oneself or rely on the endless shuffling of concepts through others to inspire me. Oh well...