Delite

My name is Hans, I currently live and always have lived in a beachtown named Zandvoort in the Netherlands. I was born in April 1982, that makes me 33 years old at this moment of writing. For at least the past 10 years I feel pretty much stuck in many areas of my life, 10 years ago I suffered from a major depression after some years of heavy stress and abuse of Marijuana and alcohol. Since about one year I have purchased my own house and got married to my great love Jam. I came across Actualized.org when searching for topics on meditation at YouTube. For me it has always been very hard to find proper perseverance to stick to the self improvement plans I make every now and then. Most of the time I try to make a dramatic change in my life and have so far always ended up failing or quitting the attempt in a matter of weeks. I worry a lot about my future these times, I am on welfare at this moment and am financially just getting by to pay bills and live up to a holiday every now and then as my only motivation to keep up. When I was younger I felt driven and passionate about my life, but felt at the same time very uncertain about many things. These days I tend to cling on to staying within my uncomfortable comfort-zone. Hoping to hold on to a positive change in many areas of my life.... here's my shot at reaching higher levels.

Consept, thank you for the welcome and supporting words. After watching some of the videos on YouTube I feel my approach needs to be different when making attempts at improving certain things in my life. The desire for change is there and is strong, but the tools and means to do so are in no way thoroughly worked out by me. You're quick tip is very much true in my case, I find myself too often shifting between an all or nothing attitude with no margin for errors or setbacks in between. I feel I have lacked proper guidance along the way, something or someone to show me how to pace myself into the changes rather than adapting a million lifestyle changes all at once. As for the meditation, I found a nice guided meditation program for the coming 8 weeks. It gradually builds up to longer sessions, I just completed the first 5 minute guided meditation. Thanks again!