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good advice, thanks

31

Appreciate the responses. Just had a profound realization while high on weed, and it made me understand a quote I came across a while ago. It goes something like “In isolation, man kills himself, in a group, the group kills him” and another that says basically the same thing, “do it or don’t do it, you will regret both” The ego acts as if what it does is so important, that you have to sit and dwell on it until you come up with a decision. But the ego is so delusional that it will either eventually drive itself crazy or be driven to insanity. It thinks it has to come up with a decision to find that cushiony “safe spot” in life where there is no suffering, but the thinking itself is what is causing the suffering.

The issue with therapy is that the therapist is doing a job. Although they may be good at relating with you, it’s not a completely genuine interaction because there are guidelines they will have to follow. Therapy can be addictive to the ego. Like finally, someone cares about my story as much as me. It makes you feel better initially because you feel heard, but it’s the ego that feels better because it feels relevant that someone is asking about it and is so interested. When the ego feels good, at some point it will feel bad again. That cycle usually makes a turn for the worse so the bad gets more bad and the good feels less good. Also, by repeating your ego story to someone and reliving the emotions of it, you are subtly making it stronger. BPD is interesting. I have it as well, and funny enough, when I first heard about it it didn’t resonate with me at all either. I didn’t understand my fears well enough for them to translate as a fear of abandonment. As I got older I developed an insight to the core of my motivations for doing irrational things, and ultimately it was a fear that I have to prove myself worthy to others at all times and be perfect or they won’t accept me (fear of abandonment). I saw that my brain didn’t see it as irrational, it sees it as a normal reaction to this “threat”. Very sneaky stuff the mind does. I’ve never been to therapy so I can’t say if it’s good or bad. But I think we’re more than capable of doing this on our own. Making yourself better by yourself is 100x more rewarding, because you’ll always be there. The less external things you can rely on the more confident and safe you’ll feel, because ultimately everything external is fleeting and won’t always be there. Your therapist won’t always be there. Literally just sit there and allow yourself to suffer, to be confused, to not know. You’ll see it’s not so bad, and the more “hell” you overcome the easier every day life obstacles will become for you. There is nothing more difficult yet more easy than sitting down with no distractions and accepting all your sufferings. Just get through the first big hump! It becomes a fun game after. all the best

This was helpful. thanks

I wonder if anyone else can relate to this. I don’t love being alone, but socializing for me is painful. I’m not shy or scared of people. I’m just not motivated to feign interest in what interests everyone else. Who said what, who’s the asshole, who’s the best guy ever, what that idiot did or didn’t do, that tv show, that sports game. I just don’t care. Pretending to care is a lot of effort for me. Leo touches on the importance of experience in order to grow. Almost every experience involves a social group In which you have to belong for it to be fulfilling. I feel hypocritical knowing that it’s all for show, yet going along with it anyway for the sake of growth. I feel hypocritical when I pretend because I know it’s all an act. Anyone having a similar experience?

Thanks. there’s no reason to over think socialization when you look at it this way. I guess I’m not completely at ease when talking to people, part of the reason why I over think it.

Thanks for the input. It was helpful.