littleBIG

I'm extremely paralyzed by fear of failing to the point where I can't move forward. I realized I focus too much on the end goal, if I don't get it, I've failed. I only have one life and one chance, therefore if I don't achieve what I wanted in the end, I've failed my entire life. However, I think life should be more about the journey and not the end result. I only have direct control over the present moment and not the end anyway. What do you think would define a successful journey? How would you still succeed despite not achieving what you wanted in the end?

@RichardY Thanks for the input. Care to elaborate on why? @Aimblack I agree with you 100%. I thought about just outsourcing the programming but it's really hard to control the quality without the fundamentals myself. My problems with algorithms and the like is I get really bored learning about them because I don't see how I'll use them. And if I don't use them I'll forget what I learn anyway. I think I should change my approach and learn things when I encounter the immediate need to. @see_on_see Appreciate the advice man. @Michael569 Thanks for these advice man You are right on the money on the last part. That's how the idea of computer science came to me. I had another idea came around just now: I kept thinking about how studying math will make me miserable. Maybe it's not pursuing computer science that causes me misery, but the lack of emotional mastery and consciousness work. They are two different areas of pursuit.

I've been dabbling in and out of programming since 13. I loved building things because in childhood, I played with legos every single day. At 13 I got into programming and wrote various programs for myself to use. But I later gave up because I kept running into bugs that I did not know how to fix. Not just bugs with my code, but errors with the complier which i did not understand at all. I got back into it at 15. I was learning java and wrote programs to do my homework for me. Remember you have to solve equations in Algebra and show each step? I wrote a program that takes an input of an equation and solves it and prints out every step for me to copy. This time I got frustrated with learning again, so many libraries, functions, theory, I got so overwhelmed I quit again. I picked it up again at 17. I was learning HTML and javascript and made a website for my GF's birthday at the time and she loved it. And then I realized if I want to get serious about programming, I can't just keep dabbling around different languages here and there, I need strong foundations. So I decided to study computer science formally but without going to college, just with free MOOC's. I took a free intro to CS course from Harvard (CS50) and I got BORED TO DEATH. They taught sorting algorithms, manipulating memory, machine code, etc. I don't understand why I need to learn these. I decided computer science isn't for me, there's too much theory and math, and I gave up programming once and for all. I'm 20 now. I was meditating one day and I had a realization, I need to study computer science. I like building things, and computer science is the "lego blocks" to build things with. I thought about the $100 million question: if money wasn't a problem, what would I do? Well, I would build a game and develop it everyday. I've been a gamer my whole life and one thing that bothered me is how developers rarely take input from the community. Players would ask for features and be ignored. If I made games, I would consider every single input from my players. The problem is, I will be absolutely miserable studying the CS theories and math. I still don't know if computer science is for me. Take a martial arts master for example, he might practice a single kick 10,000 times. Yes it's boring, but I personally wouldn't mind it. Every kick is an art itself. If this is compared to computer science, it would be like writing 10,000 programs, which, I wouldn't mind either. But reality is I'm forced to study math and other subjects, it is TORTURE. Life is about the journey, why make the journey miserable? I don't know what to think. Any advice?

If it is truly your one thing, you should be spending time finding ways around the problems instead of stalling in front of obstacles. Pursuing your life purpose is not easy and comfortable. If you are unable to accept the costs, maybe it's time to reevaluate if it's really something you want.

Hey Leo, thank you for the insight. I know what to work toward now. That's precisely what made me depressed. I saw no point in the "zombie life". School, work, sleep, entertainment, repeat. I knew I had to find some other way. I also think we not only try to meet our basic needs, we are held hostage by other needs like entertainment, need for approval of peers, etc.

I've been depressed for a few years and I decided to find what happiness is and how to get it. I started a meditation habit but I've never really experienced anything. But today I was meditating, my mind wandered to memories of my childhood. I had no worries back then and just did whatever I pleased to do and I was really happy. I felt incredibly good in that moment, like I had no worries anymore. Is this the "joy" people talk about?

I mean when you see things, you see it from a specific location (i.e., on the bed by the corner of the room). I would say so. Say I'm looking down on earth, I'd be looking at it from a specific angle and location.

I was laying there in my room thinking about this "direct experience" notion. I noticed everything I experience, including things i see. I had a realization that this experience is all there is. There's nothing "physical" out there because I don't experience them. And then I thought how it is weird that out of all the things I'm experiencing, I chose my body and said "this is me". I had no reason to do that! My mind was blown at that moment. But as I thought more about it, I thought it kind of makes sense. I am the center of everything I see, so it's natural to identify with my body. So, how do you suggest I get further? Specifically about vision, isn't everything you see from a point of view and it comes from somewhere? How can you be everything if you belong to a specific location?

5. promoting other businesses, i.e., ads on your website, ad revenue from youtube channel, etc.

I'm not asking you to tell me how to get rich. I just realized that I really don't know what I don't know about money. I don't know many ways to get rich, so I'm trying to learn what options are actually out there For me, I only know 1. Creating products/services and selling them 2. Day trading/swing trading/investing, etc., basically has to do with capital 3. Managing other people's products/services, i.e., hiring personal trainers and run a personal training business, running a store to distribute products 4. And of course by working a job I feel like the list is way too small. What do you have in mind?

In the end, we all die. It won't matter you made $100 million dollars or mastered a certain skill. You will be dead. Life is just time passing by, no matter what you do. So why push yourself to "succeed"? Why not just live the most comfortable life possible? Because success is subjective and won't matter one bit when you die.

I finally decided to start a meditation habit and I decided to go for 60 minutes today. I used the Do Nothing method. First thing I noticed is my face is insanely itchy. I feel extremely urged to scratch myself. I was able to control it and just thought "there's an itch, but I won't scratch it, let's see what will happen." Sure enough, after a while, the itch goes away but will emerge on a new spot. On only one occasion, I scratched it and it caught me off guard, because I didn't feel like I decided to scratch it, I felt like my body did that on its own and the decision happened very fast. The thing I'm having trouble with is thoughts. I wasn't sure if I was thinking or I was watching myself think. I did not know how to differentiate. A lot of times, when my brain was thinking something, I thought to myself "there's a thought! Watch it!" And when I try to watch the thought, it's already gone because I was thinking about watching it. A lot of times, when I try to watch the thoughts I take over the thinking. I will add on to the thoughts and continue the story. Sometimes I also lose focus on the thought and only realize I was thinking about something afterwards, like "oh I was thinking about cookies just now". I want to know, what was I doing right/wrong? How can I improve tomorrow? Thanks

Saying money doesn't bring happiness is like saying eating and drinking doesn't bring happiness. Sure maybe it doesn't directly bring happiness, but if you don't eat and drink you will literally DIE! You can't pursue your passion when you're DEAD!

I hope I don't come off as hostile, I'm just genuinely curious about your point. You seem to believe that living is free and you can just do whatever you want without money. The roof over your head costs money, food costs money. In fact, a lot of money. If you make minimum wage, you'll need a full time job to be able to afford living at all. Speaking about limited time on this planet, 40 hours a week (plus traffic) is A LOT of time to be wasted. If you go to college, that's another 4 years (of youthful time) wasted plus possible debt but you make more salary. If you have a job, it's the exact same as pursuing money. As you said, if I pursue what I love I might not get paid at first. So then how am I going to stay alive at all? If you don't spend years to get rich, you'll end up spending even more time at a regular job. Or did you have an alternative?

What then if the impact you want to have doesn't make you money in return? Is the pursuit of wealth itself hallow? Personally I see as a tool to help with pursuing something that's fulfilling.