Reignforest

@at_anchor I mean by understand where you are in spiral dynamics based on your environment. If you are green and your community is not, it won't be sustainable. If it is blue, be blue. America is orange so most people are forced to be orange. Also each experience has made me more resilient. Pain is a valuable lesson. I'm doing very well comparatively.

@evgn ok then start with that. Muscles start to atrophy in 72 hours without use.

@evgn Work hard to accomplish something challenging and dont tell anyone about it. Let the results speak for itself. If you do something difficult and seek recognition you rob yourself of building self esteem and confidence, because your still seeking external validation. Instead of just telling yourself that you're good enough. No other person can fill that hole.

It is like this in America too. Idk of a country immune to this behavior. Same thing happens if your a parent. Only they are dependent on you. This is just a consequence of reality and human behavior. This is true anywhere. I grew up in a racist town, with a racist school. Being the only brown kid there. Any family that didn't abandon me exploited me for work or money. I've been robbed by strangers, family and friends. I've been beat up, burnt, shot at, stabbed, throat nearly crushed by a bat, broken bones, attacked by animals, etc. Had multiple near death experiences from excessive cold, heat, starvation and poison. I've watched many loved ones die, grandparents, cousins, younger sister, best friend/first love. Was homeless for years on separate occasions. Been cheated on by a fiance. Thought I finally escaped when I got married and moved away. Only to find that I built an exploitative relationship, which I'm still trying to repair. Turns out hurt people attract hurt people. I'm saying this because none of this is an excuse to define yourself. Understand where you're at in spiral dynamics and work hard to move up.

@Princess Arabia There is a lot to unpack here, but we would need to start another topic to get to the bottom of it. Let's just say that I mostly agree with you. But just for clarification I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife for more than superficial things. However I would question her loyalty to me if I wasn't the provider. But we are going off topic. @evgn This type of loss takes time to absorb. You put her on a pedestal and she directly attacked your ego, self esteem and perceived value. The only way to recover is to rebuild your self esteem. Which only comes through dedication to something difficult, while simultaneously avoiding recognition. Because recognition is external validation and cannot build self esteem. You can also undergo thought experiments objectively to see if your valuation of her "specialness" is justified. For example what if you learned something secret about her sexual history that was unsettling to you? Would this make her less special? What specifically makes her special if not just pure admiration for you?

@Princess Arabia There is a lot to unpack here, but we would need to start another topic to get to the bottom of it. Let's just say that I mostly agree with you. But just for clarification I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife for more than superficial things. However I would question her loyalty to me if I wasn't the provider. But we are going off topic. @evgn This type of loss takes time to absorb. You put her on a pedestal and she directly attacked your ego, self esteem and perceived value. The only way to recover is to rebuild your self esteem. Which only comes through dedication to something difficult, while simultaneously avoiding recognition. Because recognition is external validation and cannot build self esteem. You can also undergo thought experiments objectively to see if your valuation of her "specialness" is justified. For example what if you learned something secret about her sexual history that was unsettling to you? Would this make her less special? What specifically makes her special if not just pure admiration for you?

You need to be more specific and honest with yourself. Ask with genuine compassion and without judgement.

Avoidance of others is a trap. Even supposed tough guy lone wolf's are afraid of people. But humans are social creatures. Living entirely alone almost never happens, and when successful proves unsatisfying for most. Unfortunately our perceived value in an economy has very little to do with our own perceived value. On the contrary our perceived value in an economy is mostly determined by how much value you can create for others. So unless you're not interested in money or relationships as a measure of success, people become unavoidable. Personally I've overcome fear of people by being competent and dangerous, while practicing restraint and kindness.

There has never been a vegan civilization in recorded history that I'm aware of. Also most vegans require vitamins etc, that have to be produced in a factory and transported long distances. If you had to provide all of your own resources you would likely perish. The only exception might be in a tropical environment, but even then it's unlikely.

@Princess Arabia Exactly my point. Men and women have different requirements. Most men I know would gladly provide all the resources and not think twice about it. Provided they had the ability to do so. It doesn't matter what stage the relationship is at. Unfortunately the priority for most men is physical attractiveness and opportunities for intimacy. Which by default deteriorates over time. This doesn't mean a man can't learn to appreciate and love a woman for others things as the relationship progresses. Both my granfathers died married to my grandmother's. Men can have a high degree of commitment, however in modern times women seem to be more committed to their feelings and will leave a man for very little.

@Princess Arabia let me ask you this. Would you be attracted to a man who looked physically attractive, had a great personality, and adored you? But he was committed to not having a job and was in fact expecting you to provide all the money and resources? Because that's what most men are fighting for. They don't care about intelligence, a 6 figure income or a Nobel prize. Most men are attracted to physical beauty first, and are willing to depart with their resources under the guise of being a provider.

@Princess Arabia That is in the context of the sexual marketplace specifically. Its an unfortunate realization that both men and women are shallow in different ways.

Increase your status. I would recommend wealth and health in that order. You could pretend to have other options. If that doesn't make her jealous she's a lost cause

@itsadistraction even children are secondary priorities. She likely won't be interested in breeding with someone who cannot provide the lifestyle she wants for her and her children. Dr. Orion Taraban has a good quote. Women treat men like a job and men treat women like money. With women its all about the opportunities you have to offer. With men women are the goal.

I have also been cheated on by a fiancé. Learn from the pain. Eventually you will realize that she's not special and you deserve better.