Salaam

Here you go. Hopefully, since you specifically asked for it, it doesn't violate the rules here. The first show premiers next week and it's about nurturing and protecting love, even in the most stressful of times. How to build depth and vibrancy and what it really means to have a strong, abiding, and multi-faceted loving relationship. #YinRadioTV https://www.facebook.com/twinflameteam/ Subscribe and be notified when new episodes are available https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK3MCat8RrPrNS0rky6x6Eg

What are the differences between Standards and Expectations? Who or what do you apply them towards? How conscious or unconscious are you of the influence they have over your life, the way you look, how you think, what you believe, what you have accomplished, and everything else? Are your standards and expectations your own or are they your family's or society's? How do you go about balancing the two, so the stress of a failure in expectation doesn't create a reaction that is also a failure in the standards we have for treating others and who we want to be? Do you set expectations for the people around you, who are not in your control, or do you set expectations upon defined roles and levels of closeness/distance that we each choose for our own individual domain? How do you treat yourself in relation to these standards and expectations. Do you castigate and criticize yourself? Are you compassionate? Daring and bold? Hopeful? Or do you not care and shrug it off for another day?

@Orange My pleasure man and I know where you're coming from with those questions and concerns. It sucks to hurt and not be able to trust people. To have that twist us and turn us into those very same reflections we hated... it's funny and sad how all too often the jailed, become the jailors or the molested or hurt become molesters (not just sexually, but also) and sources of pain. There is never really a "safe" or "certain" answer, not unless it has already been built upon by foundations of courage, risk, trust, and mutual progress, but even then... I guess eventually we see how no one is really all that great or perfect and we often hurt each other and lash out when we would wish otherwise. But, also there is a beautiful counter-balance to that sad state, which is the times when people do try and succeed and our hearts lift and we FEEL it's preciousness. It connects us, motivates and inspires us, it gives to us, making us stronger and more harmonious, if even for just a moment. The way I see it. Life is Brutally Beautiful. That brutality and beauty share a dance and give us choice as to which side of the line we want to dance on, plus the even harder choice of mastering and maturing both, so they inter-weave, meld, and layer on top of each other, in a constructive way.

I appreciate that you have that view, but we see things differently it seems. Vibing in my experience is communication and the inter-play of natural forces. Sharing your orientation and substance in the world as presence and authentic self-expression, which inter-relates and influences the world around you as the world in turn influences you. Vibration, frequency, presence, these are all general terms for the sum of all we exude and share as an experience. Anyways, Truth is way more nuanced and multi-dynamic than most people realize and is often times just a misused word for belief. In my view Truth requires differentiation for greater understanding. There are structural truths, contextual truths, and then belief and interpretation, which depends upon what a person has internalized and the chemistry of previously stored internalizations as they interact with new potential beliefs. So with that said, I imagine that this Truth you are speaking off relates to beliefs of one-ness and no-identity and enlightenment stuff. I don't ascribe to those beliefs and interpretations of reality. In my view, people who do accept and internalize such beliefs lack capability with Connective Tension or the ability to modulate the degree of attachment and consequent fusion with natural energies like "the void" or nothingness for instance. They react to the stresses of life by seeking to swing the pendulum towards detachment and nothingness, rather than calming down and not being seduced by it's influence and realizing that we can actually gain capability with the pendulum itself (in my view Buddha was a victim of this). I'm not trying persuade you or anything, just share a different experience, arrived at through many years of careful cultivation of perceptional abilities. I guess if I had to simply state the difference in view, it would be that where some people want to be completely one with nothingness and have no identity and everything as the same, I see the universe as being connected, but distinct and nuanced. Everything is different from me, but there are connective forces with different chemistries that connect me with everything and the contrast of those connections determine the shape/structure, orientation, solidity, permeability, and confluence of influence within my world. Such a view has brought me incredible success in life and is both internally and externally validated in every facet of the universe. So... really to me oneness is moving backwards and a limitation for further growth. It's a corruption of principles via the pressure to conform to the influence of unbalanced simplicity. Or in other words, tunnel vision and being one-dimensional.

Well, it's a long, never-ending process that relies on developing a deeper and deeper connection and understanding with yourself. It's a process that unveils itself piece by piece as challenges and reactions occur in life and we use that opportunity to put in just a little bit more effort then the day before. So highlights of that process would be times like when I realized that my arrogance about my intelligence was so high because I was protecting myself from the pain and fear that maybe that's all I had going for me. So I took the risk of sucking and hurting and developing other things, so I wouldn't be trapped like that, because it wasn't enough. Such efforts taught me humility, empathy, and grounded me, while also the eventual success gave me other ways of relating and connecting with people which calmed me down and made me more attractive to be around. Another time would be when I realized that my penchant towards violent thoughts and actions towards people was really because I was scared and didn't feel safe around others. I'd been hurt too many times and wanted to be "strong" or "tough" so I became a monster to fight the other monsters who hurt me. But that kind of armor soon felt like a cage and I took the risk of being vulnerable and scared, but finding a different way to meet it, than aggression. Each and every time, I hit a point where enough was enough and I wanted something more and something different. Each one of those points was like a fork in the road, an opportunity to adapt and change and shift the road of my life... and I did. I didn't run away from it, give up, say it was too hard, or distract myself with other things. No, I put my hands in the mud and the fire and made some mortar in that forge fire for the bricks in this home of who I am. And as those forks in the road piled up and I changed, I saw how my aggression, became an edge held by a man, sheathed in wanting to protect and nurture what mattered to me, rather than a sword held in the hand of a scared child, just lashing out. I saw how my fear of being limited, became an opportunity for expansion and freedom, rather than a shame or inferiority I'd cover up by hiding in arrogance and superiority. Over and over again, I turned the coin over to the side that progressed me. I gained intimacy with all my darkest desires and we worked together, bridging and pairing those desires with my character, my creativity, my standards for the life I wanted and they began to work with me. This also grounded and created intimacy with my "lightest" desires so they weren't empty justifications or dangerous indulgences in righteous anger, shaming, and lack of foresight. I learned how to treat me and all the other parts of myself better in order to not just survive, but flourish... and through that I also learned how to treat others.

Maybe, I can share something from you with my view that you might find useful. In my life, I've been around some of the worst people and some of the best people, people who shot and cut other people's heads off, raped children, stolen millions of dollars from education funds, pimped out girls, and then the other side of that spectrum. People who have built incredible things, healed and helped, inspired and liberated. For me, it was never about morality, or right or wrong. I am both a monster and an angel and everything in between. I have the potential for it all. Instead it was about satisfaction, progress, strength, connection, healing, pleasure, choice, self-expression, capability, and character. I learned that I can't have the freedom I desire without self-responsibility to hold it up. I can't have the pleasure that I want, without connection and mutuality, cooperation, harmony, and synergy. And that connection wouldn't occur at the levels I wanted without Trust and Empathy. Without being able to share. I also saw, how underneath a lot of my anger and asshole nature was pain, that I couldn't properly contain and instead would lash out onto other people. That it was my lack of resiliency that was behind my "evil". My lack of creativity to think of a better way. My lack of motivation and passion to face the challenge, the wasteland, the struggle of life and BUILD something, rather than be a taker or parasite. To care, to invest in things and risk being wrong or hurt. To risk the struggle and the pain and the hard times. God... it's amazing some of the evil people will do in the name of comfort... although we often justify such things with other reasons. So where other people see "evil", I see victims creating other victims and lack. Lack of development and capability, being unable to balance and harmonize all the different facets within themselves and direct it into constructive ways. I see damage, scars, physical incapabilities, that make it hard for people to support what their spirit might prefer. I see people with blindness, unable to see long-term consequences, repeating the same cyclical patterns of stupidity. I see a lot of that same shit with "good" or "morality" as well though. Just different flavors, but sometimes similar consequences. Virtue isn't the single rule to life. It has a ceiling in isolation, but it can flourish when in balance with all the other parts of life that are equally as precious. We all have flaws, but those flaws are an opportunity to be creative and resilient and to build enough around those flaws that they become strengths and badges of honor. They are our training ground and an opportunity for self-compassion, not our cage. I love both my light and my dark and I mature them and balance them both, so they are light and dark "done right". So, for me at least, it's not about morality, but what I want. And understanding that what I want has certain requirements and needs certain things to be present and healthy in order to exist. And the things I want only come with authenticity, being genuine, caring, etc. Nature works off of relationships. Everything depends on having a connection with another thing in order to progress. I depend on my liver and kidneys, my brain and spine, but how well I can depend on them, of course depends on how well I treat and take care of them. And it goes the same with other people, the world, and my spirit. Maybe this helps in some way for you... maybe not

Every choice we make carries with it a loss of opportunity for something else. The more you can be courageous with that risk of loss, but still sensitive to it, the better. There isn't always a "safe" choice, but at the same time, not every choice is irrevocable. Develop trust in your ability to find the way to work through things, even if the road is far from perfect or clear. Work on flexibility and being able to handle and resolve things on the fly. Make peace with the fact, that you have no idea how things are going to really turn out until AFTER, you've experienced them. Wisdom comes AFTER experience.

Awareness is one thing, but what do you do with that awareness? Differentiation helps a lot, along with practicing and expanding upon those differentiations so they internalize and change your automatic emotional patterns. Understanding that there is a difference between the level of capability a person has and how you treat or relate to them. In other words, superiority and inferiority are a kind of rapport you have with people, which we can choose or not choose. How we relate can be based on other things. I have a large amount of capabilities most people will never be able to touch or understand, BUT that doesn't mean I have to relate to those people with a sense of superiority AND I don't have to attach my trust in my own capability to how it compares to others (instead it's internally validated). Personally, I practice Relational Equality with everything. There is no man, being, god, energy, or force that is either above or below me. The whole of a person cannot be determined by the comparison of a single trait. So... -Internal validation of capability is the primary focus instead of external validation contingent upon competition. -The flavor of relation or rapport with a person is more about character and how they treat others than ability -Judgements about a person based upon a single trait are failures in multi-dimensional perception and further motivation to expand the amount you can perceive about them, changing how you react and connect/relate.

Meh, I disagree with Leo. He seems to be dismissing things that have connections with flow, trance states, and vibing. Words can create an artificial ceiling for emotion and energy. The logical meanings and connotations gunking up or cluttering communication of energy and intent and the quality of it's substance that is "beyond words". So people will naturally fall into speaking in tongues or babble or other things during certain trance states. There are also vibes that are broken by focusing too much on the logical, like certain sexual vibes and also performance based flow-states... like football players talking about being "in the zone" and "acting on instinct" rather than having to "think it out" and then react.

My wife has had to deal with the same thing with the past repeated sexual abuse and not feeling safe. Cloaking herself, hiding her shape, desexualizing to avoid the predatory glances she felt, or maybe the way the gaze of men reminded her of those predatory moments in the past. Thankfully, she is pretty much healed from it, although it did take some time. Now she's bright and vibrant and her femininity flows and warms those around her. In her own words, she thrives now, it's not just about survival. She feels safe and happy and her sexuality is a burning, passionate fire, deeper and stronger than ever before. She's actually a counselor now and part of her focus is helping others heal from trauma and such sexual abuse. I tell you that, so you have something to hold onto, knowing that someone has been through the same thing as you and made it out. If you want, I'll ask her what might help you. I've seen her work through things with me, where fears would come up in intimate situations and we would take our time with them as they cropped up, creating new moments of safety and understanding, that would internalize in her and off-set the old fears and pains. Changing the old normal, the old patterns, the old fears deeeep inside her. I've seen where she would tense, expecting something bad to happen, someone to yell or try to manipulate and take from her, and instead there would be something different instead. A soft response, encouraging and empowering reactions from the people around her, rather than others trying to take her down. I guess you could say the fear changed as her environment changed, but that change in external environment, wouldn't have happened if she didn't care for herself as well as she did on the inside. Facing the fear with courage, till the results rewarded and further emphasized/reinforced more courage and joy. Gaining an understanding of how to heal for herself by putting in the work to try and do so. Oh and never losing hope. Never losing sight of the understanding that she was more than this trauma she carried. It was a PART of her story, but by no means the full story itself, for this is and always has been a story of triumph and rising against the odds in the name of beauty, love, strength, and grace. So... please... remember you are more than the fear and the pain and the memories. Don't let it become all that you are. Save a space for the beauty and the sunshine and the joy that will surely come your way if you protect the fields where the seeds of such things will grow.

What are we here for in this life? I've long since stopped looking for someone to give me an answer and instead created my own. I think we all have to in order to expand our degree of self-actualization. I live for a lot of things, but in order to realize those things and make what could potentially be, live and breathe inside me, I have to at my most deepest levels, involve myself with every aspect of my nature. I involve myself, not for an answer, nor a prize, or an achievement, or a title. I involve myself because I care. I care, so I involve myself in life by nurturing, sheltering, and fostering the things I care for. And after years this has developed into my personal code. And in order to live by that code, I have to grow and in order to grow I have to take care of my Health, Capability, Choice, Expression, and Connections. This journal will be my day to day accounting of how I care for these things. How I live for them and give to them. Each day of dedication another drop into this ever growing pool of passion for a life fully realized. I hope those who take the time to share in my journey get something from it and I wish you all the best in your own (I've been keeping a journal on my own, so I'll post up my stuff since last month, to get this started.)

I remember when I first had a deep, deeeep major shift in my life, where I felt like I had finally made it out of hell. It wasn't a single moment, but still a palpable change that grows clearer in hindsight. I was so angry and in so much pain, but I was through it and holding onto something precious, that survived when other things broke down. There is a name for that place that I shifted out of. But, it doesn't matter. We all have our own names and feelings for it, especially once we find our way out into something else. Then there was the second shift , where the other, hidden side of my self exploded out of me and my view of the world and energy was forever changed. I could never go back and never forget, my foundation ripped apart to make way for something new, that felt like magic, but soon became a passion with many, many years of toil, triumph, ignorance, ecstasy, and pain. My soul was carved out of those efforts. They still are almost 5 years later. It's taking me almost 5 years, working every single day to get where I am now. There was not a single day, where I did nothing. I couldn't. I had to keep going in order to survive the heat, and the pain, the veils of doubt dragging me back, and all the other challenges that arose as I lived in this landscape I can't really explain all that well to people who don't burn like I burn on the inside. I guess it's a birth-right, but not a title. I've suffered so much not giving it up. God I love the way this pain feels. It feels like love to me... And now, the third shift. I made it out of hell on the first. Found something worth fighting and building for on the second. And the third, is about all that I've built standing on it's feet and striding through this world as something new and more than I ever could have hoped for. I thought this life would be a cage for me, stuck in a place that never felt enough or quite right. But no... I don't doubt who I am now or all that I can do. All my efforts have created something spectacular within me and it lives and breathes with it's own style and it's own pattern that I built from days upon days piled up of not knowing what the fuck I was doing, but fighting and building all the same. No one can take it away from me or prove it false, because it is more than an idea. It is alive and mine and me. I am the culmination of sentiment and soul, grit, focus, and care. I am balance and always more. I've evolved. Yayies

Sorry, been super busy. Well, the way I view equanimity is the ability to maintain calm through a sense of detachment from situations that if you were "closer" or "more attached with" would disrupt that level of calm. To understand what I'm talking about we must first differentiate the effect and affect of emotion. Effect is how it feels and affect is how it physically shifts you. So with equanimity, the effect or how it feels is predicated on the affect of emotional distance. With my stuff, calmness is more than just the effect/feel of calm, but also the affect/structural characteristic of stability. So what that means, is you can maintain stability and a strong sensory/perceptional sensitivity by getting closer and closer to even the most intense emotions. This is very precious for personal growth, because there are emotional environments we must process that are very intense/emotionally charged, but also at the same time require a very finessed level of perception in order to properly resolve and evolve. And if we don't have this ability, we never pass that "firewall" of emotional intensity and fall back again into our previous cycle of behavior. Also, this ability is not just for perception and relation, but it allows us certain actions. Bridging, blending, and connecting different emotions like pride and humility, or creating partitions and boundaries between emotions like comfort and despair.

@Joe Schmoe I think I feel where you're coming from man, or can at least sympathize. Hopefully the passive aggressive responses you get won't be too discouraging for you Personally, I feel like enlightenment is unbalanced, kiddie shit pedestalization of natural phenomena that has structural mirrors in other parts of nature, but I've seen and changed a lot to reach that perspective and have no qualms with the reactions or flack people give to me for it. Unfortunately, trying to communicate more evolved stuff with people doesn't work all that well (depending on the relative distance of growth between people), because what we're trying to transfer to people via communication can't fully be transferred by words and ideas. What I mean by that, is these changes are way more than intellectual knowledge, but also physical shifts of internal structure and the population of what a person has internalized. People who haven't under-gone those shifts will still have beliefs, standards, and expectations, that will run contrary to processes of growth, but more importantly they will lack the mental and physical capabilities to hold the level of nuance necessary to bring about those shifts in the first place, plus balance, shelter, and nurture them in the face of countervailing influences. For example, most people have no experience with having actual capability with the mechanism behind how we attach or repel from things that have chemistry with us. Emotional charge, degree of attachment or repulsion, flavor or variation of attachment/repulsion, speed, and it's impact on how we make choices and perceive the world. Buddha unfortunately seemed to suck at this and thought detachment and the void was the greatest thing ever, when really that's just swinging the pendulum in the other direction, rather than gaining actual capability and control over the pendulum itself (based on my experience). But whatever, the majority around here are into "no-self" and "just sit there and believe" and "everything will drop and they'll be one". Unfortunately, even if you deeply internalize this, all that you've really gained is a strong ability to relate to the world as all one thing, which could improve internal state, BUT, that doesn't mean the rest of nature will relate to you in that same way (actually your body will fight it in most cases, because how most do it is unhealthy and destroys the self-referential system which has important functions). What, I'm saying is you can think you're all one with a bullet or the rain for instance, but if you don't get out of it's way or build or find a shelter, it will kill you. And by kill, I mean sever the connections holding and preserving all the structures that give your consciousness the capabilities it currently enjoys. Relation or Rapport is a great and very valuable ability to work on, it's foundational to the process of growth, but it's only a facet. There is much more. If you're interested, you can give this a read. See how it resonates...

Thanks, I appreciate it. I looked up Samadhi and this definition most resonates with my view and abilities (from wiki) "Shankman: an abiding in which mind becomes very still but does not merge with the object of attention, and is thus able to observe and gain insight into the changing flow of experience." I call this "thinking (or moving) in parallel" and I'm pretty much in that state all the time, gradually changing to hold more and more contrasts in parallel. Choosing which thoughts I fuse/merge with and the degree of immersion. This parallelity is also referred to as capacitance with electromagnetic fields. So it is externally in nature, so to is it internally within us humans. If you notice there is a space/void/nothingness in between the two plates held in parallel and that is what people on here refer to as the void (in my view and experience). A lot of times people on here meditate and attach/fuse to that void and then pedestalize it as "true awareness" but for me, it's not "really" empty, it's the space where I feel fields of energy or tension that arise from two or more things. For me, the void is dangerous to fully fuse with, because it will shroud out human emotions, but I've long learned how to keep both balanced and running in parallel synergy at the same time. That synergy held in parallel is what affords me the ability to bridge and combine and counter-balance things like pride and humility or pleasure and pain. If you want to experience what I mean viscerally, get a magnet and a piece of metal and hold them close together, but not so close that they're touching and feel the pull and tension of the attractive forces struggling within your hold to "snap together" (I feel a similar pull and restraint at all times in conjunction with my "electric cloud" void feeling and of course normal thoughts and emotions). This is analogous to what happens within a fraction of a second with things that come into our focus and have an attractive or repulsive charge. We come in range, it pings our awareness , and if the charge is intense enough it shifts our attention towards it, and if that charge reaches past a certain threshold we immerse within it and start creating narrative chains of thought around it. If you ever notice how some thoughts arise and then flow past and some you latch onto and delve into, you'll have at least a starting point for differentiating the degrees of fusion and immersion. But when you have worked with things like me, you can restrain the momentum of that attractive/repulsive movement, shifting the degree of fusion and degree of immersion, holding that space, allowing you to see deeper and wider and calmer while still connected. This allows you to catch the subtle details of interaction and grow and learn, rather than fall into circular behaviors, because the emotional charge is too strong and it creates the same reaction over and over again (like people who always get caught up in heated political debates about the same stuff. It's the emotional charge, attaching and shifting them over and over again. Which is also why things like "click-bait" get people time and time again). Anyways, how I've trained myself to do such things is a long explanation that I'm writing a book about, but if you still have interest I'll try and write something for you to think about and try.

I have a somewhat different interpretation regarding the above, that you might choose to test for yourself. That shift in energy in my view, is the shift that comes from the degree of active chemistry between your body and theirs. The unique flavor, plus the degree and intensity of attraction or repulsion in contrast with it's inter-relation with your own energetic field. Neurobiology refers to it as the reaction from our bodies in relation to an ECS or Emotionally Competent Stimulus (which to me relates to intensity of charge). With the other gender, this degree of activation also includes some level of sexual tension (or sexual chemistry). There have been times where I could close my eyes and track where certain women were in a room, just by following the changes of sexual tension within my body. I can also sometimes feel cones of like vibe-energy fields from people and choose to avoid/connect with them before they automatically flow through me and shift my state.

See you joke around, but differentiation has saved my life. Being able to perceive and differentiate the emotions that occur within a split-second was what gave me the ability to see how comfort and despair combine to give depression it's route to internalization within the body and mind. It also gave me the ability to see how pride and humility inter-relate and can counter-balance each other, when bridged together in the right context. Another cool things was being able to form an attachment to all the pain and feelings of loss in my life to the pleasure and motivation for building and harvesting my efforts in the future, creating an open-loop. I love and am extremely thankful for the ability to be able to attach and combine or partition and create space and boundaries on the fly that my body accepts and makes automatic, often building upon it by itself in spectacular ways. But in my view Differentiation and Tension are only 1 of 13 other core abilities that make up the foundation of growth, that propels all the deep changes I experience.

Again, for me, there is more to reality than JUST the same. How they combine and interact makes a world of difference. You can ignore that if you want, but I won't. I work to see EVERYTHING as distinct from me and that distinctness imparts upon me responsibilities in how I treat everything that is distinct, BUT still has a type of connection and influence with me. The question then becomes, how do I/We and the rest of the universe inter-relate with each other. See, that's where the disconnect comes from my view and experiences and you and others like you on this forum. I trust in my senses, I've fine-tuned and sensitized them to ridiculous proportions. So with these fine-tuned senses the physical world is obvious to me, because the way the physical world is structured is consistent in both form and action. Both it's shape and it's pattern's of motion are consistent. Not only are they consistent in that respect, but they are consistent enough to build upon and create change with. Change that very successful shapes my world and progress towards my preferences. You say the physical world is not physical and you can believe that if you want, but for me and a lot of the rest of the world there is way too much context to the contrary to entertain such an assertion as anything other than nonsense. It's okay though, I'm not here to change you. This is just my reaction to the way you've chosen to perceive your world and how it contrasts with the population of experience inside me that invalidates such a view. And for thoughts... I doubt you'll get this, but thoughts are child's play for me. I deal with forces and potentialities that cause structural and perceptional shifts, thoughts barely scratch the surface in that respect. Not only can I choose what I think, but I can direct the pulses of intuition that create "automatic" thought and lead them through different emotional environments, traveling to whatever emotional reality I want, while at the same time doing so in as smooth and gentle a way as possible so my organs aren't stressed by the transitions. Are there limitations, concerns, and consequences with such an ability? Of course, but it's a real skill among many that I've gained from my way of relating and translating the world. Do you know what it's like to palpably change and grow every week? Structurally? To have your base level pace change? To have your senses upgrade? To have your digestion change? Speed of perception? Resiliency towards pressure and stress? Ability to combine and bridge different emotions for completely different combinations and experiences? Ability to shift between flow states on the fly? Gain access to primal emotions? I personally value those changes and get much enjoyment from seeing them grow and synergize with each other, nearly every day for the past 4 or so years. But, that volume of change and growth also gives me deep perspective on how un-evolved humans really are and how much work we all have to do still. There are much greater challenges out there, than most people will ever realize. People around here don't really seem to change that much. Even those who have reached their so-called "enlightenment". Then they pedestalize people like Buddha, who based on my experience and standards wasn't all that capable. He can't even control attraction and repulsion. Shoot, he doesn't even see the structural system that mediates such actions. Anyways, I'm not trying to convince you to see different. Your world is yours to translate. I'm just sharing some diversity from my view, which has been highly effective and practically applicable for me.

@Lorcan How do we know we're not deluding ourselves? I think that's a great question and a very serious consideration. How can we trust the interpretations we add onto our experiences? How can we trust the interpretations of others? How do we deal with the meeting ground in between what is commonly accepted as valid and what is beyond the edge of current human comprehension? How do we reconcile that dynamic ground with the ever-expanding range of our awareness and capability and our ever present limitations of awareness and capability? All these questions in my experience require a rigorous standard of accountability. For me, I realized that the only thing I could really trust in was movement and balance. So I worked on tracking how things moved and in what kinds of ways things moved, not just as patterns of movement, but movement in relation or connection to other things. What influences what? What forces are at play? How are these forces influencing my perception of things? What structures are needed to balance and synergize the best being I can be? What happens when one or more is missing or under-developed and how does that affect my ability to perceive and draw conclusions about my experience? These our questions we have to explore in some way as we build our standards and methods of inquiry. Did you know the emotion or feeling of certainty around a belief has an accompanying chemical response that can build up over time, making a person more and more close-minded to possibilities that lie outside the acceptable range of attractive chemistry with that belief? Wouldn't that be an important consideration to track and be accountable for so we don't delude ourselves? Yet, not many people are aware of such a reality or have standards in place that protect from such distortion... nor do they make it a point to explore and grow familiar with other distortions and learn how to counter-balance their influence.

Are you really in angst because you're conscious of these things, or because you're conscious of how much still needs to be done, to get these things you are responsible for up to your standards and expectations? And because you're conscious of how much more capable you will have to become, in order to develop them? If yes to the last two questions, then welcome to beginner stress. We feel that stress every time we start something new that seems daunting. It shifts and changes though, the more you grow and become more capable. Personally, I enjoy and love being responsible for engineering my life, my internal and external environments. For improving my dependencies and gaining self-authority. For bringing abundance and color to my life, gaining satisfaction and fulfillment. My frustrations in those respects have been tempered by time and experience and transformed into enjoyment, trust in self, empowerment through capability, and a deep pleasure in all the possibility and uncertainty that lies beyond human understanding, but not so far beyond my eventual reach. Don't run away or give up on your self-responsibilities. Care for them, nurture them and they will nurture and enhance you.

I don't see things as ONLY one. For me, that's an over-simplification that shrouds the details of reality and practical application. For me, that view is worse than useless, it's a detriment. I see the universe as a multi-dimensional ecosystem that I am connected to within different planes, and degrees, and with different contexts AND I am also distant or distinct from within different planes and different degrees of distance/separation. My view expands beyond absolutes (oneness) and binary (duality). So instead of absolute connection or absolute separation, you have degrees and types and mixtures of both. Which allows for layers/tiers/planes of different degrees and types of mixtures, that stack on and create systems themselves that also inter-relate and mix with other systems, in either direction from micro to macro. ALL GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME. Do you know how much motion that is to be aware of and have pass through you? If you were aware of it all at once across the universe the heat generated from being the nexus or receiving point for all that information would fry your brains (and that's not even considering all the other factors that would destroy the physical composition of your body before even reaching such a point of totality). Jeez, I've had expansive integrations that would heat my body so high, I thought they might kill me, and those were but fractions of a fraction of a thimble of localized awareness, let alone "total awareness". It's probably stressful to try and comprehend that, but in my view that's your brain fighting the demands of tension resiliency, that most humans aren't all that great with. Which is why, people tend to seek the comfort of simple absolutism (It's stressful to hold multiple nuances at the same time because that's where our current level of evolution has us, but we can outgrow and expand from it). If you look at the human body, my brain and my liver for instance aren't directly connected or touching each other (on the physical plane), but they are both directly connected to nerves and veins at certain spots, that branch out and form a bridge, connecting them in-directly via contrast/inter-relation. Creating a shared space that allows for communication and connection, even though there is physical distance. Maybe a picture will make it easier to understand how you can have both. The three rings are all connected but, the 1st and 3rd ring are indirectly connected, yet still a part of the connective chain, and the flow of information. What's cool though, is in real life, the second ring or shared space can be different degrees of either solid (like three people holding hands in a chain) or ephemeral (energetic fields of sharing via focus, sound, gravity, etc.) with different degrees of porousness versus barriers, that adds another dimension to how easily communication can pass through in ratio to the solidity or weight of the expression. Light, sound, magnetic waves are less solid and can more easily pass through barriers of solidity and inter-connect different systems, that are otherwise distant from each other. And before people say well that's the physical world, the energetic world is different... that's fine if you choose that view, but I view the ephemeral world and the physical world as different gyrations and formations of the same stuff. It's just that the spectrum, range, depth, and flavors of those gyrations and formations are staggeringly huge in volume and breadth. But it is within that volume of inter-connection, where we find true intimacy and faculty with the universe.

@Natasha Oh, so that's your aim with pointing that towards me. No thanks, I'm fine. From my view, experience, and capabilities I see this paradigm you and others believe in as limited and extremely flawed. It makes me sad sometimes, seeing what you and others discard and treat like shit in your efforts, but you and them won't get that. It'll probably just irritate you and come across as pretentious You of course view things differently and feel drawn to show me how you see it, while probably feeling something similar in regards to my view and perspective. And that's okay. But man, I wish I could share for a second how incredibly precious and amazing the world can be after nurturing and developing the things I've felt. To see your body and mind actually change all the way down to your dna. To have a completely different set of feelings and emotions layered on top of normal human ones. To be able to blend and layer different feelings, different speeds, different potentialities, and to see the energetic structures that play a part in the movement of the universe alive and growing and working cooperatively together. Its so beautiful. I wouldn't give that up for anything and the world shows me I don't have to. Me and the universe change, balance, add, and synergize. We don't discard and replace. I love our relationship. Man, just feeling that fills me to near bursting with happiness and energy. And most of all I love knowing what it's like to feel my core or my soul, palpably. To build and nurture it consciously. To know the difference between living with it and within it at this threshold, and what it's like when it's small and undeveloped and unable to regard itself through multiplicity of contrast. But that's just me. Other people will harvest whatever fruits they've planted along their own road.

I have them pretty much everyday or at least 3-4 times a week and my experience shows me it's because I'm connected with the meta-structures behind the mind that also happen to be the foundational elements of learning. They aren't always easy experiences, they can be incredibly stressful or sometimes incredibly euphoric, but still requiring just as much balance and calm. But, I'm always better off for having gone through it. I've got a journal on here with some of my past accounts, you can check it out and see if it resonates.

Another cool exercise to try is to sit at a desk or table and pick a point along it's length that you can reach out to almost full extension and touch with your fingers. Then set a timer for 30 minutes and try to reach and extend to that point onto the table as slooooooow as possible while maintaining it as your only focus. The aim is to find and maintain the speed that takes you that whole half-hour to traverse the distance of the table. Facing the resistance of not just restraining your pace to levels of slowness most people aren't used to, but also wholly committing your focus to this single, simple, physical task. I remember training my focus, many, many years ago with little things like that. Pushing my focus against such resistance that it would pare away the mental wrappings of the narration of what I was doing in the first place, till all I had left to hold was direction of action. The reasons burned away from the friction, like ice and rock burnt off a comet as it enters the atmosphere. Now, I can hold a single focus for days and maintain (or regain) it's primacy, when other things ping into my awareness and try to fuse and immerse with my attention.

That's cool that you feel so strongly about this video. I've got other things I'd rather do, but if you want to give me a summary about what 10 things he think are important I'll give you a response.