Salaam

As someone whose actually been in federal prison yes, I have and did. I exercised both my body and my mind. Also, some of the comments on here are very naive and sheltered. Solitary confinement is not fun and not a heaven, often times the SHU or the "Hole" is not solitary, but a very small cell with you and two other guys. Locked in together 23/7 with an hour of recreation, which if your lucky might be outside, but might not be. I went over 6 months straight without direct sunlight at one point and when I finally got sent to another prison that allowed outside rec, got sun poisoning that I had to deal with myself because the doctor there was shit and didn't care. There are a lot of pressures and hardships that people just won't understand unless they've spent over a year in prison. It's definitely not something to be desired or glorified. And that's coming from someone who had it easier than most, with the tools to succeed and make even a place like prison a positive for himself. Most people aren't that fortunate.

well really the best is a position where you have harmony between the conscious and subconscious and they equally inform and direct each other. The subconscious has a lot of layers and levels to it that govern our different expressions of automation, and those levels can be very fragile and cause problems if touched in the wrong way with the conscious mind... but whatever, it takes years of development and harmonization to even get to a point where a person has access to those kinds of challenges, so I guess it's a moot point for most people.

Women are attracted to a man with an edge, but you can still have an edge and not be an asshole. You can be kind and a person worth building trust and relationships with, but at the same time have a fierceness about you that will see that you get shit done for you and yours if needed. It sucks that mainstream society has lost touch with this masculine archetype. It seems all they know or validate is the immature version for the most part. Assholes are men with an immature, selfish edge. They are incomplete men, flash, with no substance. Doing things to prop up their self-identity and ego, rather than to engage and interact with women, in order to build positive experiences and bonds. A lot of women seem to fool themselves and say "yea he's an asshole, but he's like that to everyone BUT me, and that makes me special". But, that only lasts for as long as he's getting what he wants and then afterwards the fantasy fades and he's gone. Both genders have to do better. Men need to set their sights on higher standards of maturity that includes having an edge and Women need to be more selective about the kinds of edge in men that they find attractive. Don't get lulled by the excitement and the fantasy, keep an eye out for how things might change in the long-term.

I've felt that way myself, so please don't feel like something is wrong with you. It took awhile for both my wife and I to find each other and a lot of that time was spent feeling alone and misunderstood by people around us who didn't share that same passion and spirit for life. But we held on and kept that spirit alive within ourselves and didn't settle. Protecting our dreams for something more, that precious something deep inside us. There are so many times during our relationship where my wife will touch me, smile, and giggle and say "you really do exist" because she spent so long dreaming for a man like me and dealt with so many people telling her she was just a dreamer and unrealistic, while also dealing with assholes and abusive relationships. We deserve to have people that inspire us and feel like a gift everyday to be around. To be able to pour the same passion and spirit into life as we do. If that's not happening with the people around you, then no I don't think you're being judgemental. I think you're being honest with yourself about how you feel and the lack of reciprocation. Just keep checking in with yourself and your intuition and listen to the feelings in your heart and the dreams you've kept close since you were young. You'll find someone to make those dreams real with

@HelloThere Ah cool, I thought that might have been where you were going with that, but I was a little unsure if you were seeing it the same way I was And you're right the first step out into tension is often the hardest, but then we adapt and with success we get to feel the great things that come afterwards! What's real helpful in keeping ourselves accountable in these situations is cataloguing a personal history of our patterns of behavior and tendencies when faced with the tension of leaving our comfort zones. If we know we're great rationalizers for instance, we'll be more aware of that pattern and less likely to fall prey to how it hustles us. Or if we fall prey to the "it's too hard" or "I'm too tired" avoidance flavor, we can develop counter-balances to interrupt those patterns and put our focus in a more constructive place. Knowing our limitations and our tendencies for self-created inertia.

You know I've seen it mentioned a few times on threads today people mentioning a love like children have, but personally I wouldn't choose that at all compared to the love I feel now. Why? Because I still have that pure love with my wife that children feel. We play and act like little kids together all the time, but we have that and more. We have the unadulterated innocent love of children, we have the love of best friends and partners, we have the love that comes with sexual intimacy, the love that comes with bonding as husband and wife, and so many other flavors. Love is a jewel with many facets and flavors and I am so blessed and incredibly grateful to have a relationship whose light shines upon and through all it's many different sides. We don't have to only choose one and lose out on all the rest. I haven't watched this yet, but I at least resonate with the title. When I proposed to my wife, I did so by creating a circle out of flower petals, but leaving a space in the circle, so it wasn't closed. I stood in the space left open in that circle and told her my love for you will always be a home and like all homes it has a door. You will always hold the key to that door and can come and go as you wish so this home never becomes a cage. I've lived by this principle of freedom at all times in our relationship. It's a big part of why I have an open marriage and we both can choose to be with whoever we want. We earn each others want and desire by how we love and treat each other. We nurture and build, rather than force or obligate. Having the courage to risk losing each other and not have any contractual certainty, while loving each other wholeheartedly anyways and protecting the trust between us in the process.

There is a way to resolve that paradox. We are both being and becoming at the same time

When I first saw my Wife's smile I could actually feel the love lighting up and sneaking into my heart before my walls could raise up and block her off. I didn't trust anybody and felt drained by being around people and preferred to be by myself, but not when it came to her. We near instantly became best friends and shared things we've never shared with anyone before. The level of intimacy and trust was near immediate and deeper than anything else I'd ever experienced (and it's gotten so much deeper and richer over the years because of how we've nurtured and protected it). She actually felt at first that I wasn't her type, but as soon as I touched her, she said her body betrayed her and had to have me. Her body, heart, intuition, and spirit knew me and wanted me before her head did, but it didn't take long for her head to follow. And now we've been together for over 5 years now and it's been the most incredible, loving experience, either of us has ever felt. Everyday is magic with her. My body aches to leave her, every touch is near electric, and the sex is soul-wrenchingly out of this world in it's pleasure and intensity. It just keeps getting better too!

I disagree with this. Every single time you have a realization like that, you're actually out of the space of undifferentiated everything and localized back in your head differentiating and categorizing and creating separation and distance. That space, that you call nothingness is more than good and more than the limitations of absolutes and perfection. Absolutes and perfection are human concepts that imply endings and are reliant on having a contrast in order to define themselves and all of that is indistinguishable from the undifferentiated everything. However, and this is a big thing people trip up on, there is a difference between something being indistinguishable and non-existent. All these movements and actions and physical manifestations that we then create symbols for to differentiate for ourselves, still exist, but the distinctions and separations and the conditions, don't necessarily have to be applied to constrain and contain us. That is the point of gaining access to the space of undifferentiated everything. It's to gain the freedom to choose how much distance and conditions to apply and when you want to. You lose that freedom when you make the mistake of differentiating the undifferentiated everything after you've had a taste of it. When you do so you create binary separation with EXTREME distance and separation and EXTREME conditions that get in the way of undifferentiated everything's nature. A couple other points in response to your later block of text. There is a universal "evil" by the way that is recognized by more than just humans and that "evil" is the corruption of trust. Humans, animals, plants, cells, all react in a similar fashion to corrupting forces that twist and make normally healthy connections or bonds unhealthy or unsafe to initiate. I personally find the word evil to be a an overly simplistic and primitive concept, but the above is what people were trying to describe when they came up with the etymological root of that word and of course added their connotations of human personification. Secondly, up and down, left and right, are indeed a differentiation, but they are nuances of distance. Distance does indeed exist if we want it to, because it is a part of everything and it occurs every time we categorize and differentiate. It's what plays a HUGE part in the kinds of emotions we feel. You mention hot and cold and that is a perfect example of how distance works. If you go out and stick your hands in the snow for a bit and then come inside, room temperature water feels a lot hotter than it normally would. This is because the distance of contrast between your now much colder than normal hands and the room temperature water is much greater than the distance of contrast between your base level hand temperature when normally placing them under room temperature water. This is also why winning a million dollars is more exciting for a person with very little money compared to someone who is already a billionaire. It's the distance that modulates the emotion. Going from 40 degrees to 70 degrees is a much greater distance than going from 65 to 70 degrees. Going from 0 dollars to a million dollars is a greater change to a person's life then going from 1 billion dollars to 1 billion, 1 million dollars. In economics they have a concept of marginial utility which plays off this same universal principle of contrast distance. And finally, your last sentence makes that mistake I mentioned earlier that people constantly trip up on. It's not "the only reason you exist is because you say so" but instead, "the only reason you are distinguishable is because you say so". Undifferentiated everything allows itself to distinguish itself in localized zones we call human beings, but these human beings don't get to choose existence. Not in the absolute sense. Why? Because nothing is ever created or destroyed in the undifferentiated everything. Everything will always be everything. We can't make the mistake of falling back into differentiation and coming up with these extreme conditions that we then try to place on the space of undifferentiated everything.

My Wife and I are best friends and the sex is amazing. She's my favorite person to hang out with, to be around, and to talk about things with. And she's also my favorite person to express my sexual side with. We can express all those different sides with each other, without any conflict or depression in the intensity and quality of those things. They flow in harmony together and with synergy, each side building upon and reflecting off of the other, like mirrors shining and sharing light so a whole space is brightened.

The goal of all goals is the one that encompasses and contains all the other goals, allowing them to be achieved. Personal development is always on-going, but once you get past a certain threshold of development other things, other kinds of focus arise and personal development becomes a branch on the tree rather than the tree itself. Or we can put it this way. Once you develop yourself up to a certain point, then what do you do with all that development? What is this person being developed for? Most people are in developmental scarcity, so the question immediately above may not be at the fore-front of their awareness, but once that scarcity changes into abundance, the pressures ease and we can see and choose more.

Did you want to go to lunch with that girl who was showing you interest? It reads to me like you did, but found the risk or resistance to doing so uncomfortable and rationalized it as sticking with your previous choice. Would you agree with that? We're almost always going to have to make choices amidst conflicting desires. It's within that conflict of competing emotions and wants that we have to parse out which directions will afford us the greatest satisfaction and potential, despite their up-front costs, difficulty, and potential risks. It seems like you chose the easier, more comfortable choice for you. Which is fine, if that's what you truly wanted the most at the time. Do you regret not asking her to go to lunch with you?

I seem to follow a slightly different path and outlook then other's on here, but thought some might find value in my experiences and comments on this matter. So... for those who aren't familiar there is a space or position we can inhabit where everything is everything. Words can't describe the place, because words in and of themselves are tools or products of differentiation, which create degrees of separation and conditions. Even calling it nothingness is a flaw in my opinion, because that is a differentiation that narrows the scope of this place and everything that it is, creating misguided connotations. I prefer to call it un-differentiated everything, but lol, even that is flawed... but maybe less so? When you are in this position, "you" are a part of this undifferentiated everything, and the differentiation of "you" does not distinguish itself. The sound of water running is you, everything is you, but only a "you" in the sense of being the localized experience (in my opinion). This is different from others who say the you does not "exist", you can still exist while being non-distinguished, in my experience. Anyways, it's a really nice space that I can slip into at will, but maybe unlike others it's not one I'm trying to be in at all times. Instead I find great value in just having free access to that space and also how it counterbalances or provides contrast to being in a position with differentiation and conditions (which is of course any time our mind begins to categorize distinctions). The benefits I have found so far from that contrast are the following: It loosens up the intensity of attachment to differentiation at its most fundamental level, which also makes more flexible existing structures of mental differentiation with their associated conditions, rules, and biases. This provides more space, more freedom, to pull away from those structures and let our body's chemical build-up rest and clear out, which helps ease mental rigidity and fundamental prejudices and internalized programming. It sensitizes me to the contrast between the differentiations that arise as the world changes around and within me versus the differentiations I stack on top of it with my mind as it narrates, labels, categorizes, and distinguishes change. This gives a person a kind of blank slate to build upon based just on the natural flow of the universe and it makes more visible the internalized direction our programming will take us within a moment. This is great for trouble shooting, because you can catch unhealthy directions, slip back into base state non-mental differentiation, and then "re-set" with something more positive. It's kind of nice to be in the un-differentiated space and feel the pull from my mind back into mental differentiation because things feel so good (labeling it good or positive or blissful is a differentiation). This is helpful, because I can stay in non-differentiation and let everything be everything and let my body naturally rest and re-orient itself so it starts pulling me towards positivity, rather than trying to be positive through the creation of conditions. It's a nice alternative, because often through the effort of creating positivity we create conditions that actually push us away from it or make it seem out of reach. It's great for dealing with energies and situations we would tend to differentiate towards the negative. Facing and becoming those energies in a "I am that" sort of manner, but different because, when you are un-differentiated, there is no need for the second step of differentiating that I am that... lol this stuff is kind of challenging to talk about. When you become the negative, the negative becomes everything and everything is more than negative, which eases things and helps a person's body process that stress and get back to a balanced kind of state. Conditions we have for love and the embodiment of certain positive positions become much easier to meet or non-existent, because you become them, which means you're natural reactions of rejection or resistance to those feelings don't get in the way to block or disrupt their emotional expression. The limitations or caveats I have found from this space are: This state of non-differentiation is only localized within my domain. Although I am embodying others and can feel without condition, they have to choose and be capable in order to be in the same place to meet me there. However, they are effected or influenced and helped to more easily get there because of the captivation and emotional transference that can happen during communication. Thinking and speaking pulls a person out of the space, however being in or out is not a binary "yes or no", but with degrees of shifting and degrees of overlap, so a person can think and then sink back into it, allowing for the best of both worlds in a way. There is value in both differentiation and non-differentiation. Like yin and yang, the magic is in how they dance and inform each other through contrast. I think people get caught up in conditions when they slip out of this space and try to force this condition of being un-conditional at all times, which creates a kink or paradox that might stymie people who don't certain levels of calmness and stability and perspective already in place. Anyways, I hope these thoughts help some people. Any thoughts or questions, please let me know.

I used to do XTC way back in the day. It didn't do much for me spiritually. It felt amazing of course, but I've had even better experiences through taking the long road of natural spiritual growth and gaining a trust with my body that gives me access to energetic pleasure spaces.

@HelloThere Yup, it comes from core development in our ability to differentiate feels, our sensitivity to nuance, and being able to process distinct multiple layers and how those layers inter-relate. All the while building a perspective, based on a history of experience, that gives you a map for both the short and long-term effects of our choices, while still saving space for potential change and evolution to that perspective as you grow. For example, I have access to things in my body that kind of give me these electrical surges of euphoria at night. Now it feels amazing to indulge in, but I can feel a threshold within that experience, that If I let myself pass, stresses out my body and creates a long-term detriment if indulged in chronically. I've learned from experience, sensitivity, differentiation, and dimensionality that over-excitation in these instances negatively impacts the coherency and fidelity of my emotional process, while also washing out the meaning of things from the over-inundation of pleasure. Over time, this understanding has impacted my emotional palate and preference for pleasure throughout my life. I now balance my preference for pleasure in relation to my feeling of meaning, coherency, etc. which in itself is growth, via the refinement of my emotional palate, which in turn increases the quality of the choices I make. It's like, development in one thing like differentiation for instance, opens up access to development in another like sensitivity, that once developed as well, opens up new access for the development of the original core capability.

Motivation, passion, and desire depend on other things to be at certain levels in order to grow and become more palpable. Meaning, investment, gratification, facing resistance, risking vulnerability... you sound apathetic and that apathy is creating a resistance and draining you of investment/care, which then further increases the resistance you face as you attempt to shift that balance, because it makes it harder for things inside us to energize and activate. Eventually you're going to have to face that resistance and burn through that apathy, because it's numbing influence also effects your cognitive abilities, which will impact the choices you make. It's like you recognize intellectually that it's not a good thing, but maybe only in a dull kind of way, because the rest of your layers are under that insulating blanket of apathy to one degree or another. If I was in your situation I'd be seeing that numbness as something I don't want creeping and growing inside me. I'd find meaning in facing and shifting it, appreciating every small inch of change, and I'd see it as deep level self-care. I'd find goals that scare me and make me uncomfortable but also tantalize me with their potential positive impact, using that tension to shake me from my apathy and the fear to sensitize me, sharpening my senses. It feels so damn good when you come out the other side with success in those types of goals! You feel so alive and it creates momentum and a craving for more (that rise in gratification levels and meaning, which also increases investment). And if you're at the place where your motivation is so depressed you can't even feel a trickle of those feelings, then you start from zero and go after a goal even though your body isn't releasing and breathing passion. Trusting that seeing the action through will create shifts and lift some of that numbness during the process. And it usually will, there is something powerful in actually doing a thing that brings a tangible benefit to yourself and the world around you. Do some service work and ease the burdens of the people in your life or make a gift for someone or try to brighten up the day of strangers around you with compliments or help. Pour yourself into something that makes life better and then take the time to appreciate and savor the result. I basically have shit loads of passion for whatever I want, because I understand how all these different things relate and can handle the resistance and invest, building up it's vibrancy. So I say the above, from a place of practical application and success. I hope it helps, because it works, even if it can be very hard at times (but again that's just the level of resistance at play).

Lol, that was aggressive... believe what you want no biggie And movement like the beating and breathing and activation of electrical impulses are effort. They require things to be sustained like a certain quality of environment and fuel and they enjoy their current state on the backs of previous evolutions that grew and changed from effort. Just like we all do. If you don't want to grow and evolve and care for things you don't have to. You can be a burden, but you'll also be treated as one. But if you do want to grow then there are things you have to do to make that happen. And I'm pretty damn capable at those things

@blazed Be careful you don't fall prey to nihilism. Also, I wouldn't personally be so arrogant as to claim to know what the universe cares about with such certainty. I'd be careful and check to make sure you're not projecting your own sense of futility and lack of care onto the whole universe. Personally, when I look at Earth. I see an ecosystem that has worked it's ass off to enjoy this fragile state of abundance, that many humans from their own inner imbalances are fucking up. And it matters. It matters to me at least and many other beings.

Yup, I've found that the more free and capable I become, the more responsible I feel for the world around me. When you expand, your zone of responsibility also expands naturally creating a sense of generosity and care to go along with that abundance. You want everyone and everything around you to feel this health and freedom, this joy and you get this inexhaustible well of happiness that comes from sharing in the joy of others on that road to health and happiness. In a way you naturally grow into becoming a world yourself. A world that contains everyone inside you in the same way the outer world contains you and everyone else inside it. While still having a distinct, individual core or flavored pattern. Such a position then naturally galvanizes a person to actually go out and work to make things better. Sharing and enlarging that goldilocks zone of health, freedom, and happiness while also protecting and nurturing that zone from corruption. You don't just sit there in a cave all isolated from people, trying to protect your bliss, while lacking the resiliency to wade in and be touched by the stress and suffering of others. Fuck... I am more sensitive to that suffering than ever before. It feels like my heart is being ripped out because the pain of others hurts so much, but I love and appreciate that pain. I gladly drink as much from that cup as I can because it softens my heart and brings me closer to both the beauty and fragility of humanity. Awesome post man and great questions!!! For me it goes back to that nuanced goldilocks zone of balance and harmony. You differentiate comfort so you can have comfort when you rest, but not so much comfort that you let drop things that are precious into that numbness and over certainty. You adapt with tension so what was uncomfortable becomes effortless and comfortable, but still dynamic and close to that edge of higher intensity tension that you can willfully move into when your are working and expanding rather than resting. This differentiates stability so you can choose between static atrophy and dynamic, ever expanding, but smooth stability and multi-dimensionality. And also when you get on track and find a "truer" way of seeing the world, you don't let that perspective fall into absolutes, because you stay connected to the possibility for more additions and new information, that expands and changes your view, while still being congruent with the foundation you're building upon. It's like a magnet with a piece of metal. When their close you can feel them tugging on each other to attach and the close they are, the more intense that pull. But, when they attach that pull, that tension expression of magnetism ceases. Growth comes from always keeping a bit of tension alive and never fully or absolutely attaching to one's current view of reality. You handle the tension and stay open to more. The whole doubting thing is a very complex topic to be honest. It changes as we change and grow, because it's modulated by many different capabilities. I've got around 13 different dynamic elements that I use to track all that. But anyways, an example of how it's modulated is with our rapport with pride and humility. I wrote the below a year or so ago and it kind of shows an example of what I'm talking about. What's awesome is this small shift in harmony and health between these two facets [of pride and humility] not only enhances my rapport, but also creates a cascade through my other capabilities. I can trust my own feelings more and internalize them deeper because my pride doesn't shroud them and my humility doesn't doubt them in the improper contexts. I can feel both my authentic pleasure and pain longer, because my past imbalance is no longer there to cut them off "mid-breath" with some form of invalidation. Both of these then also contribute over time to building a better me, with higher quality feelings and experiences changing my story and enhancing my potential as well as my reflections on my past and the beliefs tied to them.

lol, exactly is too strong a word in my opinion. But, that's cool if that is the case for some people. I'd love to talk with them and compare notes with some of those who have made appreciable progress with the facets of development you quoted me on. I've looked into many of these people who claim enlightenment and have been disappointed in that respect

Do you really know that it doesn't? Where does this certainty of yours come from? Maybe you haven't uncovered enough of the world and yourself yet to see the conflict? We all have limitation and ignorance and then even more ignorance that we are blind to. Every person carries some degree of being blind to their own blindness and that also includes me of course. It's a reality and a responsibility I actively address and keep in consideration when making conclusions and feeling certainty about a thing. I've spent days tracking the chemical build-up of certainty in my body at times, noting down how it changes my experience of reality as it crosses thresholds and how to balance it out and lower it with other actions and energies. Maybe to you enlightenment is not an idea, maybe it's something more. I don't know what your definition of enlightenment is or what you've maybe experienced it to be. People have many different ideas about it, many of them flawed and overly extreme in my experience. To me it's a word, some people use to symbolize an idea of what they think might occur after some kind of change or realization. Now from what I can tell from your first post in this thread, you consider that change to include the realization that the "I" is a delusion. I do not agree that the "I" is a delusion along with other variations of oneness and nothingness and singularities. I see them carrying the flaw of corruption through reduction via over-simplicity and conflicting with multi-dimensionality. Personally, I am both "I" and "We" at the same time, superimposed, without rejecting or discarding that initial "I". With permeable boundaries between the "I" and "We" that limit the amount of communication and transposition to adhere to specific contexts within a moment. Those contexts being the balance and interaction of pattern and motion or matter and energy or chaos and order... there are many names for it, all with pros and cons. You may not agree and that's okay. I have no skin in the game, when it comes to how you choose to view reality within the self-contained world of yourself. Just like you have none for my world. I mean yea, there is in-congruence and a little conflict when those worlds communicate and compare perspectives, but there are worse things in the larger world to deal with.

Enlightenment to me is a flawed and limited idealization created by people who are hurt and ignorant while being pushed by the pressure of their pain and their desire to escape it. I recognize those flaws in it's foundation and instead focus on my own conceptualizations. I focus on goldilocks zones, tension, harmony, synergy, balance, accessible potentiality, humanity, spirit, and multi-dimensionality that brings about real, physical change and is mirrored throughout the rest of the universe as a nested pattern of motion. For over 10 years now I've been working to expand my senses, slow down my perception of time, increase my tensile resiliency and map out by feel the movements, patterns, shifts, and transitions going on in my different layers of consciousness. This gives me an incredible amount of experience and information to compare against these people chasing enlightenment or describing whatever they attain or experience as enlightenment. None of them come close to the nuance, multi-dimensionality, and synergy of what I've experienced and see everyday in the world around me. Nor do they employ as rigorous and nuanced a system of guidance, grounding, and accountability. Oneness, nothingness, non-attachment are all limited and primitive in comparison at best and delusional or extreme with their iterations of "everything is an illusion" nonsense at worst. Why should I limit myself to oneness when I can choose superimposed multi-dimensionality? Why should I choose nothingness when it's a limited and extreme concept crafted by people who jump to conclusions about observations within their own mind before even developing the tools needed for nuanced observation in the first place? What they think is an experience of nothingness is in reality filled with so much shit going on at various speeds and scopes and they're completely blind to it. Why should I choose non-attachment, when I have freedom and harmony with connective tension which lets me consciously modulate the degrees and flavors of both attachment and non-attachment. That skill in and of itself makes Buddha look like a beginner jumping to false conclusions to me. Enlightenment is like checkers, as far as nuance, when I'm instead working on a chess level framework of reality. Which probably sounds arrogant, but the difference in complexity and potentiality bares true. Anyways, this Ralston guy is talking about honesty or authenticity in your clip. Authenticity in my experience is actually a fidelity of connection with your own inner chemistries. Protecting it from distortion which increases the level of synergy and automated reactivity between your intent and your output. My work within myself has reached such a particular synergy as to release certain limiters our body puts in place, which amplifies my feelings and their intensity. Long story short, lying makes me sick because I'm so sensitive and aware of my subconscious layers and have to protect them even more from my conscious decisions than the normal person. It's not a moral thing per se, or not just a moral thing, but a matter of health and protection of my connection with my spirit for me. Not just my health, but the health of all, because the only action I can ever truly categorize as evil is the corruption of trust. And when I talk about spirit, I'm talking about my tangible connection to the feeling of my spirit, which is modulated by the amount of meaning being derived from my actions and expressions. I can actually feel my spirit or soul, whenever I want, no matter how scarce a situation as long as I can overcome the resistance to initiating that action. Ah, so you're in prove it mode. You distrust me and see me as a threat or a danger to others, hiding behind anonymity? Even though you, yourself are posting anonymously as well. You think maybe, someone who makes these claims should be famous or exalted or already established right? He shouldn't be some normal dude writing on a forum just like anybody else? I'm not special and I'm my own kind of normal, which in contrast to other people's normal maybe sounds extraordinary. But, whatever. Lol, I can feel your prejudice, but I get it. I'm a challenge to beliefs you've already internalized and are currently defending. My Wife and I have a radio show and I've posted the link a couple times when people asked about it. You can see my name on there. I've got nothing to hide.

@blazed I watched that 7 minutes and I find it to be limiting and founded on narratives that lack expansion beyond certain key points. Plus, it's use of heavy emotional undertones rather than actual substance to sway people who are under pressure of pain and seeking relief, rankles my sensibilities. Buddha did not penetrate to the deepest levels below thought. I've gone much farther than him and understand this because of how Buddha relates to desire and his ignorance of connective tension/van der waals forces. Plus, he hasn't slowed down his perception of time to map out the split-second shifts that occur below thought. It doesn't matter to me if you believe me or not, but there are tiers and levels to the subconscious that deal with automation and the push and pull of our desires, that once you can communicate with and harmonize change so much. My desires work with me, actually they depend on me, as I actively nurture and expand them. Increasing their volatility while also sheathing them in stability so they become like a nuclear powerhouse. It's amazing actually, but it was a long hard road to get to where I am now. And the whole ego this and that stuff is very ignorant to me. To me, it's what people say when they haven't differentiated yet the proper ranges and energies of identity. Learning how to balance the validation of their identity in the goldilocks ranges of confidence and modesty while weaning themselves off of the swings and thought narratives of superiority and inferiority... it's like cooking on a stove with the ranges. Superiority - Pride - [Confidence / Modesty] - Humility - Inferiority. You keep it in the middle ranges and don't indulge in energizing and attaching to the higher and lower ones. I focus on what I can actually do and I'm confident and trusting in it, and I also focus on what I still need to do, being modest about how much farther I have to go, while still confident and trusting in myself. Because of my capability with connective tension, I can modulate these things on the fly. That way, I don't have those weird swings and extreme reactions that other people have. It makes me sad that people demonize themselves, when the truth is, we're just not evolved and developed enough yet as a human race. It took Earth thousands of years to develop enough to support higher order life. To go from a ball of dust to verdant greens and blues. Yet, we as humans can't handle that same process without giving up and turning against ourselves? Pftt, man... lol and fuck enlightenment, honestly. That shit sucks compared to developing and connecting and harmonizing with real life. I mean you can keep chasing it, if that's what you want. But, I'm way past it and on to better things and more brutal things too, to be honest. But whatever, none of this is going to change your mind and convince you. There are physical adaptations with the growth process that have to occur before a person can fully understand this and then lower threshold physical adaptations that have to occur in order to get it on just a limited intellectual level. Of course people don't like to hear that and take it as an insult or arrogance on my part, but again, whatever

Ah ok, my apologies on not realizing you were female.

@eskwire Sure. And I'm a dude, not a lady. Unless you were just trying to insult me in some weird way? Eh, whatevs. Carry on.