I thought it was an interesting read and wanted to share. A trip report by 19 year old girl. She was tripping on acid while having threesome. 


The report: 
iv realized We are God, and life is a dream.
Even if no one reads this, I need to get this out . Then I can forget all about it and live the rest of my life free of it.
I'll begin by saying this was on a dosage I wasnt prepared to take.
350 ug Gel tab. Me and two friends, Kaden and Heather, tripped on one each.
We dropped at 145am on Thursday night.
At first, it was good.
We are all open people and it didn't take long for it to turn into one big fuck fest.
We started to trip while we were fucking.
My eyes were closed..
And I started to lose track of who was who.
who I was.
I wasnt sure who I was touching or who I was kissing. I wasnt sure where my limbs were. I was simulatanoursly touching, but also felt like I was being touched. 
My friends were feeling it too.
I wasnt sure where I was in space. it felt like I was in three places at once-- In three minds.
There wasnt a condom and I wasnt on the pill so there wasnt any real fucking- and I say real, because it felt like I was being fucked. like there was an invisa-dick inside of me, and I was rocking back into it. when I opened my eyes I realized I wasnt being touched at all..
and neither were my friends.
We were pressed against one another, but we werent touching eachother. 
And they were feeling the same thing I was feeling.
Even Kaden.
There was this buzzing on each side of my head. When I expressed it, both my friends said they felt the same thing. In fact, they felt the exact same thing I was feeling.
Whenever there was a spike of intense pleasure in our heads, we all groaned, we all reacted to it.
Heather touched Kaden and I both felt her touch like I was him, and yet also felt myself touching him, as if I was in her body.
It was insane. We were in each other's minds. I could hear their thoughts and feelings, and they mine. We started to laugh - it was crazy, but it was really fucking fun, and we were having a good time.
The weirdest hottest thing was possibly when I started fingering the air.
I imagined I was fingering something, and I was curving my fingers and pulling in and out of nothing,... and both my friends were going crazy. They fucking felt it. I stopped moving my hand and their breaths halted . I was causing physical change with nothing but my mind. And because I was feeling what they were feeling, I was also fingering myself in a sense. 
It was fucking insane. unbelievable. Too good to be true.
And it was.
Minds.. Should be separated.
As it progressed, we were so intertwined, when they touched me, It started to feel like I was touching .. myself.
When they hugged me, I felt myself giving the hug, as well as receive it.
We all started to feel like it was wrong.
There was three of us but it felt like we were masturbating, like we were all the same being using different bodies.
It wasnt right. It wasnt right . 
" Why do I feel lonely?" I suddenly said. 
But It came out of Heathers mouth.
" Dont say that" Said Kaden, as we all thought it.
 It felt like by acknowledging it, we were breaking some kind of rule. Like some big , huge, unspoken rule, we werent supposed to know, and it was for our own good.
But we had acknowledged it , and now we couldnt forget it. We had to understand. 
When I closed my eyes, I wasnt me.
It was like what tethered me to the world was the ability to look through the telescope that was my eyes. Now my soul was loose.
I felt myself and I wasnt me.. I felt bigger hands , and a flatter body, and sense we were all naked, when I reached down, I felt my dick too.
I dont have a dick. I'm a girl, generally. I dont have a dick.
And yet once more, I wasnt him. I had smaller legs, and when I felt up, bigger boobs then I usually did. " Guys.." I spoke, but it wasnt my voice, it was Heathers.
I opened my eyes again, and I was me, but I saw Kaden and Heather sitting in the positions i had left them when I was in their bodies . All the proof we needed .
I felt sick.
" Why is something... missing?" Heather was the first to voice it.
Youd think, realizing we are all the same , youd think itd make us feel less alone.
but suddenly, we felt..
more alone then ever.
We didnt feel each others souls. 
That's what was missing.
We felt only one soul.
we hugged each other, but it felt , like .. we were hugging ourselves.
They say you are the center of the universe  ... but there is only one center.
There is only one infinity.  
Everything in the room..
I had made. 
I, the One, that we all are, had created it all.
It was all extensions of us. Every song , every book , every show , it was all us, for us. We would be every one at one point ,but there will be no one else other then us.
Us, I.
Then it got worse.
When I closed my eyes, I was no longer in my body.
What I saw now, I know wasnt just the blackness of my eyelids. 
This was an encompassing blackness.
A nothingess. The universe at its finest point.
Outlines of shapes with colors that didnt exist, material, floating in my space, in my black box .
 I could reach out, and I felt the power of creation in my hand. I could do I
all that I wanted, create all that i wanted to create, but no matter what I created, when i felt around, all that i felt....
was me. 
I screamed into the darkness. " Someone help me!"
And I heard myself scream back.
I realized now the secret.
Its just me.
It's just you 
There's no us. There's it.
We are just one lonely god playing with Dolls .
I wanted to cry for my mothers embrace, but I was my mother. I felt so cold, I wanted to wrap a blanket around myself, but I felt myself in the blanket, I was still just hugging myself. 
I know how we feel constantly now.
I know now how it feels like to be the only thing to exist.
It's unbearable. Its lonely. Its fuckin awful, no matter how much power you have .
How does it matter how powerful you are, if you are the only one there to witness it?
How do you cope? 
You cope by making yourself forget.
You cope by making yourself smaller then you ever could be.
Humans are the universes way of experiencing itself, and you are the universe.
You forget that you are everyone, and you make friends , you make enemies, you make love , to yourself. You cast yourself into different meat suits and you give them each their own unique look , and you give them all different personalities, and stories, and insecurities, and you trick yourself into thinking your someone else, but your not.
Your still just you.
Talking to yourself.
Over and over.
Playing hand puppets, and masturbating in the dark.
I couldnt bear it.
I opened my eyes and I hoped it would all go back to normal,but it was too late.
The illusion was broken.
What I saw was reality. I looked at Heather and I saw myself . I saw my room but I also saw the blackness that was me, that it was made of. 
I desperately grabbed a pencil and paper and tried to create ANYTHING that wasnt me. but the paper was me, and the pencil was me, and I watched in horror as the lines I created were the lines of the inky darkness I had seen as the material for everything. 
I know what insanity is now.
It felt like I had done this before, over and over. 
When we die, we remember what we are , and I realized I had done this many times before. Every time. Every body, eventually. 
I had found the secret out too early.
When we cast ourself into another body,
that is when we forget, when our memories of our true self is locked away in a deep crevice in our head and we are given the illusion of companionship.. a coping mechanism.
Now I couldnt forget. Now I knew, and I knew how badly I wanted to die.
Not just my human body, but me, us , the being that we are.
How delicious nonexistence would be , for a being that is eternal.
There is no nonexistence in death, only rememberance, but I had remembered. It felt like the only choice was for me to die, and become someone else that would be born without this knowledge, like I was initially born without this knowledge. Round two.
I know why people kill themselves. 
Nothing felt real except for me.
I could touch no one but myself, and I wanted to feel ANYTHING. ANYTHING. I felt the buzzing of some kind of sharp whirling machine next to my ear , and I was so scared , but I wasnt scared of death, because I already knew what it was. 
I had come to love this body, this human I had worked so hard for, and now I fucked her up because I HAD to find out the truth. 
Me and Heather were going through the same dilemma. I could feel she was struggling with the same thing, not to hurt herself, not to press the restart button and end it all for this round.
" What are we supposed to do?" we kept repeating. Every path led us back us, because there was nothing else but us. 
We counted colored pencils and my eyes focused on the color red, on how that red would feel coming out of my skin.
There was red everywhere. 
The smallest shade of red on my wall glowed and amplified, and if I focused too hard I'd fall into it, and I'd throw my hands out to catch myself from falling, and find them around my throat.
The veins in my wrist ached to be disconnected , to be yanked out. I was fighting so hard to keep a body alive that didnt want to be alive .I just wanted to forget and start over. 
I spent the rest of my trip curled up in a corner of my bed. " I've created hell for myself" I thought, which I heard Heather whisper in unison.
I was alone. We are alone. We will forever be alone, and I longed so hard for something else.  
I longed so hard to be normal again, to not be everything , to feel another human being and know they are not me , they are someone else, everything I touch isnt me and I am only one speck in a big universe of so many things.
How comforting.
Something beyond you.
An endless universe beyond you.
How fucking miserable it is to be God.
I was in that space for a millennium before I heard the first thing that I wasnt a part of...
A songbird outside my window.
I was coming back to my body. Only my body.
I sobbed so hard . It felt so fucking good.
.. a couple of hours later , all three of us sat down together in silence.
How much of that was real , we didnt know, and we didnt want to sound crazy.
But then Kaden spoke up, and he spoke about The Room, and me and Heather, we both knew.
We all saw it. 
The black room, and the one lonely god , hugging its sock puppets in the dark.

This trip ended with a walk in my neighborhood and a deeper appreciation for the dream we are living. A beautiful dream of life, a beautiful distraction from the dark. 
The loneliness.
The endlessness.

You just have to mature-up and let go of infinite love. Accept that you will never feel that kind of love sober, and go on with life.
Humans are not meant to access that kind of love on a regular basis. You are using a cheat code which is breaking the game.
Spiritual teachers have warned you many times about not chasing states. Well, that's the mistake you're making.

Many, many ways.
The constant use of psychedelics will make you lose touch with reality, make you ungrounded, make you weak and avoidant of hard work, ruin your motivation for business and personal development, make you irresponsible, leads to spiritual bypassing, will ruin your physical health, will cause physical injury, and eventually suicide or death.
As I said in my traps video, unsustainable lifestyles are a trap. You cannot keep being constantly intoxicated. This will absolutely destroy your life. Stop bullshitting yourselves about this.
Just because I speak highly of psychedelics does not mean I condone such abuse of them. Many of you guys will ruin your lives if you don't wise up and get back to the fundamentals of hard work.

I appreciate all higher states of consciousness. Just gotta be careful not to get stuck in them.
1) I have experienced levels of consciousness which rendered all human spirituality teachings as ridiculous. This made me disillusioned with all human spiritual teachings, because they are all wrong in the end. I can't be bothered to take human spiritual teachings seriously any more because that illusion has been shattered for me. I place very little value in anything spiritual that humans say. That's just where I'm at. With that said, as you say, for everyday human life those teachings are still valuable. Because the consciousness I experienced is impractical and even dangerous and antithetical to human life.
2) Ironically, it's the teachers who I am critical of who sell you on the fantasy of being invincible, or reaching some final state. I've sufferred a lot and faced a lot of limitation, so I appreciate how limited the human experience is. What I see is that a lot of spiritual people are kidding themselves. They have brainwashed themsleves with spiritual ideas and fantasies. Because in truth they were never thinking critically about anything. They were just lapping up what some guru was telling them. And then they fused those fantasies with their legit higher states of consciousness, thereby locking in the fantasy. But eventually life will shatter those fantasies. But they probably won't tell you when that happens.

I invite you to discover my new paper "How Self-Reference Builds the World" where I show how starting from self-reference as the entity with the property of looking-back-at-itself, all qualia, thus consciousness, can be obtained.
 
The paper can be found on my internet profiles, such as: https://philpeople.org/profiles/cosmin-visan