Hillary Kapan

Having been seriously depressed for a bunch of years, I can relate to that side of things. I remember the day I decided to not take a painful path to enlightnement (or whatever it is), and decided instead to work everyday to unearth ick bits, rethink them into harmony, and let them go. Here's what worked for me to get to key thoughts that released attachments rather quickly. I used some ancient, mostly not-used advice. I began to look at the meanings of words that troubled me. For me, those included, especially, 'worth', 'me', and 'Baltimore', and also, especially, 'sexuality', 'important', and 'necessary'. I would write down the words and their societal meanings and write out flaws in those meanings. I looked from as many angles as possible, until the word--at least on that day--had much less pain associated with it for me. I removed or syphoned-out the pain within meanings of words like 'should'. Or whatever got in the way of freedom-in-joy, serenity, joy, energy, excitement, whatever. I also gave myself permission to do it, well, cheerfully! Even and especially when, I sure didn't feel cheerful. If it helped, I completely skipped thinking about myself and thought about the words that harmed me (interfered with emotions I loved, blocked motivation, whatever). Hope that helps. To be more clear, say I decided that 'worth' hurt me, and it did, hugely. I'd look at worth--even in a dictionary--to see its assumptions, and see the logic of the idea of worth, maybe consider its history, such as when ancient or more recent kings belittled others as a way to puff themselves up and to control populations. I did a whole load of writing about the screwy bits in meanings of words. I'd ask questions. Is 'worth' worth it? No, the meaning of worth was definitely not worth it. Once I 'got' this, I was off to the races improving (for myself on my terms) the meaning of worth. By looking at the keywords of my pain in this, that, and the other way, I saw pain-words (like 'young') increasingly as impractical, and of course, as mind-bits and not-me. Word-viruses. I don't need their infections. I've had a good deal of trouble with 'young' (Not that I'm past it now!!!!!) But here's what I do: I disprove the meaning in no uncertain terms. Repeatedly and reminding myself that 'young' is not 'me', so I can have fun disproving the very concept. Young, how? Do I believe in potential reincarnation? Ok, then maybe young is relative, and maybe I'm fairly old (or not) I don't know. Suddenly, I don't know if I've ever been young in this life. Do I think of myself as young, but almost not young? What about compared to the age of a rock--or, well what about the mountains? Then I might try to think through some way of imagining the age of something ten thousand years old, then older, and so forth, realizing that the youngest mountains are really old compared to me. If that line of disproof didn't work, I'd use another. For instance, this: When I was a kid I feared older kids sometimes. Or adults. Am I now living in some remnant of that fear? Fear of older people traslated into fear of oldness? I'd do this sort of playful analysis with seriousness of intent, with feeling, connected to feeling, and not all-in-my-head. I prioritized love, including love of how-I-want-to-feel. On a relevant note, I am stunned by your insight. Thanks again so much.

@Emerald Wilkins That is the most helpful, super-short list I've ever seen. Fabulous. Thank you.

@Emerald Wilkins Wow, thanks so much for the reference to Spiritual Autolysis! I'm going to check it out. Thanks again. It sounds similar to something I've done that worked super-well, only a bit different. It sounds amazing, thanks one more time. I'm so glad I joined this forum!

Terrific questions! I wonder the same things. I don't have any answers, but here are some thoughts. Enlightenment can be considered as freedom from self-definitions. Presumably, babies don't define self, so that checks. However, if we reincarnate repeatedly, then we're on a longer trajectory and maybe babies, while free of self-definitions still have a ways to go, just like the rest of us. Personally, I find it helpful to no longer think of 'emptiness' or 'pure consciousness' as unchangeable or even timeless in an absolute sense...I find it works better in my life and practice to imagine consciousness--the ability to experience--as evolving, not static, just evolving so slowly, it's not yet noticed. Ultimately, I don't have a clue, so I'm into whatever helps, is practical, etc. Thanks again.

@WHOAMI I'm quite intrigued. Can you give any examples? Thanks much.

Great and central topic! Thanks. I've been watching my thoughts for decades and don't have an answer. However, thoughts are clearly conditioned by language. As we learn, we also learn meanings of words which signify things, concepts, processes, and so on. We can, if we want, think of thoughts as flows of meaning, from one to the next rutabaga. In that sentence, 'rutabaga' did not fit the meaning-flow signified by the prior words. Once meanings of words are learned, the meanings can be used without replaying the sounds of words in the head. Why will a given thought happen? I have no general notion, yet often, for myself, a sight, sound, taste, or other input will trigger an association. Seeing a peach in a grocery store may remind me of wonderful peaches I once had in Utah. Then, the combo, {peaches} and {Utah} combine to trigger the idea {those peaches are no longer available} then my mind may follow a string of further associations. How does it work for you?