shree

yeah, coffee in oatmeal is definitely an unusual combo

Coffee’s the bad guy? What’s next, yoga pants causing climate change?

@Sugarcoat, soaking oats works like soaking legumes, It helps break down the phytic acid, making them easier to digest and absorb. If you’re worried about them getting too soggy, check out steel-cut or rolled oats. They hold their texture better after soaking. You can look up more about them on the internet or any fitness sites for more info. As for the coffee, if it works for you, don’t stress about it. If it makes you happy, keep enjoying it.

@Sugarcoat If you want to make oats easier to digest, try soaking them overnight or using fermented oats. This helps break down phytic acid, making it easier for your body to absorb nutrients and reduces bloating. Kefir can add probiotics, but the acidity isn't really the key here. lol Kefir making oats more digestible because of acidity? That's a pretty wild claim. Oats don’t change like that just by adding something acidic. that's not how digestion works. It seems like you are offering lemon and vinegar as solutions without really knowing their effects on digestion.. If you really understood digestion, you woukd know it's more complicated than just adding acidic things. You're still overconfident without knowing the basic facts. I checked your posts after removing you from ignore , hoping you’d grown. But nothing’s changed, you are still trying to sound smart without real knowledge. Back to my ignore list you go. 😒

Saying Red Bull is "cleaner" because it has fewer ingredients is missing the point. Both Red Bull and Monster are packed with caffeine and sugar, which mess with your heart, blood sugar, and energy levels. You can get energy from healthier sourceswhole foods, proper sleep, and hydration.

Your claim that the vulva can’t absorb substances is embarrassingly wrong. The fact that you brush this off shows you haven’t done your homework. The vaginal walls can absorb substances, and how well they do depends on the drug. You’re oversimplifying a much more complex topic.

How high are you right now? Lose yourself: *Absolutely!*

Breaking news! Someone on Actualized.org just had an awakening that wasn't directly mentioned by Leo Gura! hurry up, Actualizers! Grab your pitchforks and stone him for blasphemy!

@Ajax I’ve spent some time reflecting on your posts, and while they often sound spiritual and wise on the surface, it's clear that you’re avoiding dealing with the deeper emotional realities of the situations you're talking about. You offer statements that seem profound, but they come across more as a way to stay distant from the emotional truth, rather than engaging with it. What I’m noticing is a pattern of spiritual bypassing ,using spirituality to avoid facing the deeper, harder emotional work. It think you’re more focused on sounding insightful than actually confronting the raw emotions and complex issues people are dealing with. This is more about keeping yourself safe from emotional vulnerability than it is about offering real, meaningful advice. It’s a common defense mechanism: "staying at a higher level " to avoid the discomfort of facing what’s underneath. But what people need isn't lofty, detached wisdom , they need real, grounded engagement with the hard stuff. That’s where true growth happens. I get that you’re trying to help in your own way, but if you really want to offer something useful, it’s time to stop avoiding the deeper emotional work and start dealing with the reality of the situation. No hard feelings, just something to think about.. But hey, I can tell you’re coming from a good place, and I appreciate the effort you’re putting in. You’ve clearly got your own way of seeing things, and that’s valuable in its own right. I can see you’re trying to share your wisdom and contribute, and that’s something I respect. Keep doing what you do, and who knows, we might all learn something from each other along the way. Take care, and I’m sending you all the best. LOVE Marin

Seven years ago, I moved 1600 km away from my entire family and started my life from scratch, but sometimes it doesn’t feel far enough. After deep psychological and emotional work, I decided that cutting them off completely—no Skype, no calls—was a necessary step. The only person I kept in contact with was my mom, and she's almost fanatically involved in Christianity, deeply influenced by her Stage Blue surroundings. After about three months of no contact, I decided to call her on Skype yesterday. We had some surface-level conversation at first, but then she subtly shifted into shaming and blaming me for not going to church, among other things. I'm 33 years old, but this still affects me, showing how deeply family roots can stay embedded in our psyche. At my core, I’m currently at Stage Yellow, but I’m far from transcending my reactions to this fundamentalist BS. It triggers me hard, and I’m aware of that. I feel like I shift into Stage Red really quickly when she starts talking about church stuff, thinking: *I am Jesus Christ, Buddha and Allah themselves, leave me the fuck alone!* I know that I should remain grounded, but I haven't mastered the emotional storm this brings. Probably a complete cut-off is necessary. Has anyone else gone through something similar? I’m just looking for some understanding from people who’ve dealt with the same. How do you manage to not let these Stage Blue triggers pull you down from your center?

Hi @Ishanga Thanks for sharing your experiences. Yes, I understand very well that behind every emotional response, there’s a clue. I haven’t reacted badly to it because I do somewhat understand her struggles. The problem arises when it starts affecting you in a toxic way, especially when you’re trying to heal from the damage caused by that same person - maybe indirectly or unconsciously, but the harm is still there. It’s tough to maintain that balance of empathy and self-preservation, but I’m learning to prioritize my own healing without guilt.

@QVx Finally, a post from someone who has been through similar things. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I also wanted to give her a chance to express how she feels in a peaceful way, so I could also share my authentic self. But in families like this, it feels like you’re stuck in a role they gave you long ago, and you're not allowed to show your true self. I realized that approach wouldn’t work. Like you, I came to the conclusion that maybe we could have contact every few months, but that kind of relationship feels superficial, and I have no interest in anything one-sided or shallow. Psychologists with a lot of experience, both personally and with patients who have been through similar situations, often recommend cutting ties with toxic family members until you’ve healed. When you heal, you can reach a state where forgiveness comes naturally, and at that point, it may become possible to have a relationship with them that no longer negatively affects you or puts you back in the same toxic patterns. That sounds like good advice. I want deep, authentic connections, and my last contact with her made me realize that we were never so far apart. So, I’ve pretty much decided to cut her off as well.

I'm okay with this thread being locked now, if the moderator feels it's appropriate. Thanks

@Ajax I appreciate your perspective, and I’ll assume you’re referring to higher states of awareness where we experience ourselves as infinite, creating hard shells like problems, traumas, and victim mentalities to keep ourselves in a lower state. I’ve touched on those experiences too, but for me, the real breakthrough came through deep emotional work, tapping into my worst emotions. That’s when I had my biggest awakening. ---- It’s not about holding onto pain or justifying anything. It’s about recognizing when certain relationships, even after experiencing very high levels of awareness, are no longer healthy. Cutting ties can be an act of self-love and protection, not weakness. I appreciate your effort to show me parts where you think I might be blind, but I wasn’t looking for someone to 'fix' me here. I was seeking understanding and compassion from people who have gone through similar experiences. Thanks for your kind words nonetheless.

@manuel bon Good question... Letting go of most of my family was clear-cut, but with my mother, I hoped for some kind of positive connection, even if small. After this recent interaction, though, I’m realizing it might be time to fully let go, as even limited contact stirs up old wounds. It’s not just about moving on, it’s about accepting that this relationship isn’t healthy, even in small doses.

@Ajax I appreciate your perspective, and I understand what you’re saying about the trap of needing to be 'right.' I get that in theory, both sides can hold their own version of truth, but in reality, when one side’s 'truth' involves emotional manipulation or trying to push beliefs that have caused harm, it’s not so easy to just accept and move on. My goal isn’t to be 'right' or to justify my decisions. I’ve älready made peace with those. It’s more about protecting my well-being and maintaining healthy boundaries. The pain of separation you mention isn’t about guilt for disconnecting. it’s about navigating the emotional residue that comes from years of manipulation and control. For me, practicing love sometimes means cutting ties when the relationship is doing more harm than good

Your attempt to psychoanalyze me is laughable, and here’s why: I’m not seeking guidance on healing trauma, especially not from someone like you. Your constant need to insert yourself into conversations with baseless confidence shows more about your insecurities than anything insightful. Confidence is not knowledge, and it certainly isn’t understanding. You’re not Matt Kahn, you’re not Ken Wilber, and based on your behavior here, you’re not advanced in anything meaningful - just in trolling and passive-aggressive nonsense. You throw around big names and ideas to look smart, but all you do is reveal how little depth or understanding you actually have. I never said a therapist needs to be 'nice,' but let’s be clear- you’re not a therapist. You’re just someone who enjoys stirring the pot while offering little of substance. You claim to be giving me your 'time,' but all you’re really doing is wasting mine. And as for your claim about being 'gentle,' I’m sure you’re the picture of gentleness as a 30kg boy in real life. You do have issues, and I’ve already pointed them out - you lack even the most basic level of self-reflection. Take a step back and please, stop pretending you’ve got it all figured out. You clearly don’t get the message - multiple people have told you to back off, but here you are, still wasting everyone’s time. We’ve gone way off topic because of you. You’re on my ignore list from now on.

Your attempt to psychoanalyze me is laughable. Trauma isn’t something people hold onto because they like it. It’s a painful experience that takes real effort to heal from, something you clearly don’t understand. You act like you’re some kind of enlightened guru, but in reality, you’re just a kid behind a keyboard, probably living with your parents, trying to sound smart by tearing people down. You talk about mental health, but your lack of empathy shows how little you really get it. Real healing doesn’t come from yelling at people or trying to scare them - it comes from compassion and understanding, which you clearly don’t have. From the way you respond to people, it’s clear you have your own insecurities - likely a need to feel superior because deep down, you probably struggle with low self-worth. Instead of dealing with your own issues, you try to act tough online. But this isn’t helping anyone, especially not you. I’m done with your BS. Time for you to take your ego trip elsewhere. Goodbye.

It goes much deeper than this. I mentioned that as a very vague example. The real issue is about having a connection with the only family member I considered marginally safe, who is also being dismissive and emotionally abusive.

@Schizophonia I’ve faced serious emotional, physical, religious, and potentially sexual abuse, so I don’t feel the need to explain myself further. Your dismissive attitude and lack of empathy show that you're not respecting or understanding my journey. This isn't a space for negativity or button-pushing, so I’d appreciate it if you refrain from commenting further. Thanks for considering my request.

Thanks for sharing, it’s great that you found understanding with your brother. I’m still working through my own healing journey, and cutting ties feels like the right step for me right now. @El Zapato

Understanding her story doesn't help me, as I'm currently on my own healing journey. For every two steps I take forward, this BS sets me one step back.

I am referring to Spiral Dynamics. Check out Leo´s videos on YouTube for more on this.

It's not so much about how I respond to her, but more about how she subtly triggers the deeply rooted feelings of shame and worthlessness that I’ve worked so hard to heal. It’s a constant battle to not let those old wounds resurface.

Her religious views deeply impacted my entire childhood and more, making it difficult to ignore. Instead of solely focusing on myself and my life purpose, I find myself actively working to repair the damage caused by her influence. It’s tough to overlook this when you're fully aware of how it has harmed you in the past.