danniel

I found actualized last summer. I have used it for a very small amount of development yet it has been significant, esp regarding with my physical health. But right now, I feel lost, stuck in the quicksand of materialistic trap, which is now affecting my mental state. Gaming and squandering time, with almost no productivity. I have very tiny amount of self control at the moment. i cannot seem to find the strength to leave video games, even though i know (on surface) it is waste of time because there is a fear of missing out. I feel like a drug addict. One of those guys which is at ease with an IV drip as the source of happiness. "I want to quit this way of existence", i say to myself yet when i get free time i go and sit infront of the screen to waste another 3/4 hours of my day. I would be contented if anyone wants to guide/talk abt this personally. Because there are some underlying issues which are uncomfortable and also depress me. Thank you for taking your time to read this.

about what I want to do with my time, the simple answer would be art. I am a self taught artist. But from last couple of years, my love towards art turned into a desperation of for validation on social media. I seem to have understood that now, so from couple of months i have taken a break. But now i cannot seem to find that passion in art( i am working on it) apart from this, i want to work on my consciousness, i want to meditate more, start visualising and do small things to improve my mind, out of the victim mindset of mine. But this "want" remains a "want". I start meditating consistently for a week, then something happens, and i don't meditate for a week or maybe more. But a guilt persists because for me, i guess it is because my higher self knows that those activities are right and just. But my victimizing my ownself/ or any other lower self values end up sustaining themselves. But then apart from these 2 things, which i already disrespect by not doing them with loyalty. I seem to have no other things to look forward to...which bothers me, because i seem to know there are so many things out there in the world, yet i am clueless and lost with what i want

This is the end game isn't is? In a video of Leo he said something like, "telling a Muslim that Hindu spirituality knowledge is far more developed than it is in Islam and he will label it is voice of devil and deny it" so basically, him saying all that is similar to this and it is like that for me or anyone really. They are Israelis so any harm on the image of their country or saying that their government is committing genocide, will undermine their reality, henceforth,they defend and justify all these events I believe children are being killed is a disastrous thing and around 9000+ children have died, so i dislike their reality where this detail is not much important when it is Palestinian kids who are being killed

@Nivsch i want to ask your view on few aspects in this conflict. If Hamas is hiding in hospitals, why bomb a convoy of ambulances? Or shoot kids who are trying to hide, and i especially mean this video which is on X, where a 13/14 kid is dragging his brothers' corpse, who was shot while trying to flee or another incident where infants were left to die in hospital? or kids bombed who were collecting water from the sea? Palestinian civilians being told to evacuate to Southern part of Gaza, and then Israel bombing the southern part?(this happened 1 day ago or so) info given by a journalist reporting in Gaza on IG and lastly, view on Israel cutting off internet connections at night in southern Gaza, and when it is daylight, entire neighborhoods are bombed, where civilians were asked to move to. i did not knew much about this conflict before, but as more and more coverage is shown on, these decisions, like bombing block by block of a land and then leaders claiming that that land would be turned into football fields/ parking lots. is spilling of blood of kids and women justified? and if no, why take actions that would deny any sort of aid, food supplies, etc? what thing there is with humanitarian aid which is being sent why United Nations bodies, which is being stopped at Egyptian border by Israeli Govt. that would provide atleast basic medication for the injured? personally this seems less than removing terrorist group, and more like ethnic cleansing now

@Vrubel but how will it be achieved? The true purpose of Zionism? I genuinely wish to understand. Does it means Zionists want a land in map known as "Greater Israel"? If this is the case (correct me if I am wrong) would it mean, the next lands needed to reach that goal would be entire Lebanon and/or half of Iraq?

@Vrubel https://www.theguardian.com/world/2009/dec/21/israeli-pathologists-harvested-organs there are also articles that israel has made collecting rainwater illegal for Palestinians, palestine does not only needs a good leadership but also an occupier who does not implements inhumane rules and/or a non-lying neighboring government, who justifies killing 6000+ children, shoots kids on sight (one incident was from August when a teenager was shot in a car) or in general who do not kill new born babies. https://www.newarab.com/news/israel-left-premature-babies-die-alone-gaza-hospital or a government who does not occupies and controls water supply for civilians (and i use civilians here because it is the west bank) https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/may/17/how-israel-uses-water-to-control-west-bank-palestine hamas is terrorist organization, not only because they try to kill their oppressor but also because of their religion.

@Jacob Morres I will implement pomodoro timers today. Thank you for your advice, and honestly, i believe fear of failure is a thing for me at the moment. Because i get thoughts, at times, where i feel like whether i will be able to pass the exam or not, because the i cant seem to solve the practice sets properly. I realise only more practice will bring my percentage higher but that is where i blunder it all by squandering time in almost not so important activities and eventually doing the unwanted things but I will take your advice, reduce the size of my work. Again appreciate your advice

I have been struggling with staying on track for a productive routine, especially with my studies. I started watching videos of Leo about being mindful and meditating. In my mind i see what I need to do, but I cannot take initiative to do those tasks. It is like I know I need to study with focus without being distracted, yet I get distracted, and it is only that time has passed that I realize that I did not studied with focus. any guidance about what I should do?

@NoSelfSelf that makes sense. So, I should be doing it is totally right. What should I do or more like where should I start to change the wrong end of it, which is "I don't want to it." because I clearly need to do it. Pardon me for being so blunt about this, I feel lost in the battle within me of me doing the unwanted

The incidents of these past 2 days are absolutely horrifying what Hamas has done. But if you look few months ago and back, Palestinian civilians have always been a subject of senseless detaining. Teenagers and children getting beaten by batons. Women getting dragged out of their decade old homes. This has been the story of Palestinian civilians for a quite a while. https://www.newarab.com/news/july-august-1-palestinian-killed-day-israel