TheGod

It took me 25 years to realize it. I don't think I would have realized it had I not tried 5MeO-DMT. Ultimately this connection seeking is a covered-up need for God & Oneness. The self wants to merge with itself. Society on the other hand feeds this idea of incompleteness from childhood. Also songs, movies, books, social media, almost everything is related to it in one way or another.

There is another reason beyond this - delusional assumption that women will fulfill you with love or will give you meaning in life. Society plays out this idea very well.

You don't know that you are God. You just heard people saying it on this forum so you understanding of what it means to be God isn't accurate. Ego isn't God. Ego wants money and the goodies and the god is... Well, god is so loving it loves it's own suffering and shitty life basically. Infinite love includes love for the most horrible and disgusting shit. You created your shitty life to enjoy its shitiness.

Thank you for a good pointer into being. I tried concentrating on it today during meditation, very helpful. I don't boil myself in the past pain and suffering. Once I discover what I had been denying or not seeing I relive it, contemplate it and transcend it. I'm not one of those people who go around and always complain about what they suffered in the past and what people did to them constantly. This post is me telling someone these things for the very first time in my life. So liberating.

More meditation, that's the plan. Thank you buddy! You also stay strong

I feel like I've constructed this answer to scare myself off infinite love as the part of the game I'm playing with myself. It's because I don't want to wake up.

Me realizing that everything else is also me, allowed me to have profound sexual experiences with women. To a degree that she doesn't have to be my gf in the first place, neither do i have to know her name or whatever. I sense her being as myself and that's all i need. I don't care about ego projections where you believe you and your gf have some sort of a special or unique connection. We are all one, so let's fuck!

I was never a human in the first place that's what I realized on 5MeO-DMT. I've always been infinite Love. The thing is can infinite love handle itself as infinite love ? Can infinite love be afraid of infinite love? That is the question.

Thank you for providing me with such a lovely feedback. Sending you love

Can God take it though or it's too much? See, I sometimes get confused because Love scares me and I don't know if it's Ego or God. On the other hand, I crave love when I am 100% but when I do 5MeO-DMT love is sooooo overwhelming that I regret dealing with it in the first place

Around 3 weeks ago I decided to go on complete detox. I blocked my bios. I saved the password on my phone and I would keep my phone in the lock box I had bought as well. I started feeling weird the very first day which during next few days would become stronger and I also started feeling cold loneliness. Two weeks after I was on my day off and I decided to go for a walk to the bridge near the place I used to live. When I just set not to far from the bridge, I felt a tremendous fear and anxiety. It was feeling like my entire body was disappearing. I got spooked off and I went to the cannabis store for a vape. I vaped 2 days straight and I started jerking off on porn again. Weed & porn calmed me down a lot. I was able to go to the same place near the river and to meditate there sitting for 20 minutes so weed and porn are obviously my coppes. Then I decided to actually smoke weed once a week and watch porn once every 5 days (I’ve failed to it but it’s okay, I can do it I know). I also started to meditate 2 times a day 20-30 minutes each session. 4 days into meditation and no tv, netflix or any entertainment and no porn and things started coming up. I began to feel the emotions I had been avoiding all this time. It was literally overwhelming. On top of that I realized how shallow human life is (or rather the dark side of it) when I saw my rich boss and his unhappy wife (although they are rich and have 3 kids). I noticed their unhappiness and started to wonder why are they unhappy. It ultimately led to realize that we humans are doomed with unhappiness, thinking if we reach this or that we will become happy. It turned out not to be the case. But also, I think I concentrated too much only on that part which is ultimately isn’t real. Canada post has been postponing my 5MeO-DMT vape and I need it asap. This molecule will help me to go through this period of pain realization, otherwise it’s too difficult. I was crying this morning because I felt so fed up with living during my morning meditation and I also cried on the bus on the way to work and in the evening after doing EMDR. When I was doing it, I got to the point where there was just too much pain. I had had been traumatized so many times in the past and I was denying it. I had experienced neglect, abandonment, humiliation and I was ashamed by and laughed at dozens of times for years. Basically, all my doings are designed to ran away from that feeling by all means: making friends, watching movies, picking up girls, gym, watching porn, pursuing career and thinking. All of the these are designed to keep me away from that feeling of loneliness. And what I realize is that if I hadn’t developed those copping strategies (although dysfunctional) I would’ve been dead already. The image of my perfect gf was designed to give me hope to find my second half to make me feel full and alive and loving. I think a lot of people are trying to ran away or cope with pain (emotional or physical), fear and feeling of loneliness. I went very deep this time and I probably shouldn’t have because I had some thoughts about what is the easiest and painless way to do it or how many people committed suicide on Thanksgiving (turned out not as many people do it in October I asked AI lol). I am going to take it easy, be gentle with myself, loving, accepting and forgiving, there is no rush. I also need to focus on holistic understanding rather than just one side of polarities of life. What about humor, laughs, nature, cute animals and of course big breasted women? I am love at the end of the day (I remember).

Even if you do 10 000 trips you won't be able to grasp the full answer because how do you grasp infinity. I've been on 200 trips and the more I trip the more I understand that it's impossible to have a complete understanding because it's infinite. You can go deeper and deeper without ending because there is no end. All I understand is that consciousness pure mystery and love.

It’s okay, sometimes he forgets to take his pills

It was bad for me in the beginning as well but then it makes you very aware. What was the longest you abstained?

Semen retention raises baseline of consciousness in my experience. I've been practicing it for 5 years. Have you tried it Leo ?