Chadders

What do people think about starting a family? I find many are just not in touch with the deeper purpose behind it We’re actually talking about something that is an inherent part of the evolution of the human species. It’s not ‘traditional’ in that dismissive attitude some people have but it’s baked into the fabric of the human species. Family units were a core part of tribal societies it’s not just some conservative mid-century option. We are hardwired to procreate and care for our children unless very dysfunctional Also I would say that what makes a boy a man and a girl a woman is when they are ready to start a family - this is irrespective of whether they actually do or not, the point is they are mature enough to do it properly if they were to. It’s a good test of your own maturity. Do you truly believe you are mature and strong enough to be a grounded, loving and stable father figure or a compassionate, loving and nurturing mother? A big problem is that many people are not mature enough to be parents. This is so obvious with people who can’t fully take on board the responsibility in being a parent I’ve seen posts where people will dismiss the family option and go their own way with travel or whatever. That’s fine but it’s this dismissal and the conception that it is a traditional option that bugs me. Starting a family is a beautiful thing. It’s not a lifestyle but a core part of us it’s just that maturity is the key to it

@Basman Only recently I’ve been struck by the divine around starting a family. Has never really been on my mind as something I would Purposefully want to do but after a divine communication on mushrooms it basically told me that I’m ready to start a family now It does make sense because I’ve been working on myself a lot over the last few years and have radically changed as a man in many respects. So for me it’s more that starting a family feels now very purposeful to me. I can see the deep meaning and value behind. I can’t force it to happen it’s up to the universe but I feel more intentional about that

@NewKidOnTheBlock If this is your thinking this should immediately tell you that you are not mature enough to start a family

@Nemra Yes your level of maturity will determine whether you know you are ready to start a family or not regardless of whether you actually do I once knew someone who wanted to have a baby but for all the wrong reasons. She thought that it would make her happy and I could tell that she was seeking some kind of external validation from it. So glad she never did have a baby she was very immature for her age - she’s 41 now

@Schizophonia Starting a family is a serious thing. It’s not something to be taken casually. It’s a huge responsibility but one that is incredibly rewarding

@Sugarcoat I don’t think there is so much expectation now. Not in the west anyway. Liberal values have changed that. As a man I certainly don’t feel any expectation to start a family I’ve just reached a stage in my life where I feel ready to. Where there is expectation it’s definitely coming from lower developmental stages. Starting a family should be for the right reasons not because others expect you to do it so I agree that’s a problem and does exaggerate global population levels and also levels of dysfunction in society This is where it is the conflation with family and spiral dynamics stage blue that bothers me as it’s not dependent on a stage of development. It’s a very beautiful thing at the higher stages - at a higher level it is about conscious evolution. Loving and nurturing your children so that they will leave the world in a better state than what your generation did. It’s a process of undoing the inherited trauma we all live with going back to the dawn of human civilisation. See your children grow and develop into a conscious human being is probably one of the most rewarding things you can possibly do in life - again when it is done from a higher place Make no mistake there is actually a deep spiritual purpose. A divine purpose in having children and starting a family. I know this for sure because I’ve had profound insights on this

@Sugarcoat There’s definitely a stigma to some extent. In the west the stigma is mostly on women who are childless but I don’t feel the same way as a man in the west. In other parts of the world it’s different. Starting a family requires a lot of maturity. It is a divine purpose. It is part of human evolution so ‘starting a family’ shouldn’t be conflated with conservative traditional values. It’s hardwired

@Sugarcoat That’s not the point I’m making. Population size is another issue all together If only the people that were mature enough to start a family did so you can be sure the global population would radically decline

@Rishabh R that’s great. ACT is a good tool for helping to detach and allow emotions to wash over you rather than getting caught up in them When it comes to emotions my deep insight on this with LSD was that you’ll feel whatever the universe wants you to feel. It’s not in your control. If the universe wants you to feel pain you’ll feel pain. Take the onus away from yourself because you can’t control it. It’s like acceptance. Actually acceptance is not in your control. If you accept it the universe has decided you will accept it because if we try to accept something it doesn’t work. It’s this realisation that helps because it takes away the onus on you to try and fix yourself. You’re perfect as you are. The universe wants you to feel this for whatever reason you just can’t connect the dots yet. That’s a true acceptance when you know it’s entirely out of your control The values stuff in ACT is good as well in then pivoting to what matters most and getting on with the business of living All the best yoof

Actually I’d also add that in my experience the introverted lifestyle is too easy. I am too comfortable here. The real challenge is in the extroverted space which entails putting yourself out there. Putting your neck on the line by having accountability and facing judgment, expectation, exposure etc. being at complete ease with that. To be calm in chaos As I reflect on my time in solitude part of me feels it is an escape from the abundance of life. Life is for living. You might as well be dead otherwise Edit: just to flesh out the point I don’t see the point in hibernating away in a cave meditating. There’s so much life to be experienced. To serve the community, impact people romantically and emotionally, start a family, hone a craft or skill. Life is just so abundant and no guru has experienced all that Maybe I just don’t understand because I am not awakened enough but I will say I am a strongly on the introverted scale by default and have through my own insights and perspectives changes on psychedelics seen the limitations here. I have felt that the universe wants me to live life

@Shodburrito I read through your challenge to Leo. Some valid points there and Leo needs to be challenged. It’s healthy because he has an ego like we all do I would say that the introverted contemplative lifestyle is more sustainable and you’ll burn out with socialising. But that’s not the point for me. The point is deeper human connection where you feel that person very deeply. Nothing needs to be said. Deep human connection does not require shallow socialising Also there’s a lot of need out there. You’re not serving society by sitting in a cave. I do not want to do this. I feel a deep desire to help society and be of service to the community. I do not want to lock myself away. The world has enough problems so start being part of the solution. An introverted lifestyle does not serve the community. The community is the social space and there’s a lot of need out there

@Wilhelm44 There will be karma to pay for sure. Mindless demagoguery of Trump and his ass kissing minions like Vance will run its course. Hopefully the damage is not too irredeemable for America To be honest I couldn’t believe what I was watching with how Trump and Vance bullied Zelensky live on air. The immaturity and the sense of entitlement. The lack of human compassion and professionalism. Unfucking believable. Zelensky is a guest. Treat him with respect. They are our brothers and sisters out there sacrificing their lives for the heart and soul of their country The war can’t go on forever but the way it should be handled is not this way

@How to be wise I didn’t know about that. He is within the celeb culture of spiritual people like Sadhguru so that is something to be aware of Yeh Russell Brand is a wanker I’m not sure what they were discussing so I can’t say for sure but it does raise an eyebrow from me

I would explain this from Ken Wilber’s perspective of growing up alongside waking up. They may have had some awakening but they have not developed the perspectival element in growing up to see the impact of trumpism on the wider society and the narcissism/immaturity at its heart I’ve never heard of any of them anyway. They do not seem to be the real deal. True spiritually connected people I would say are people like Leo, Eckhart Tolle, Ken Wilber, David Deida. Stick with them As for Sadhguru he has connection to the divine I would imagine but I just don’t rate him like I would the above people. He’s too celeb

You could try boxing as an outlet for anger

If it’s the guy I am thinking of on here he was weird. Take it as a learning lesson to not engage with people like that In terms of playing a ‘game’ with women I would drop the entire notion of gaming women. It’s toxic and it’s not what women really want. This is a judgment from me, but I would say that women who are receptive to game are looking for a less than conscious/immature shallow relationship. It is mostly younger women in that camp. If you’re thinking about gaming women you’re not approaching it in a healthy conscious way and many lads gut sucked into that (including myself) I’m not an expert but you got to feel her and judge the moment. We all have our unique style with women and some women will connect with that and others not so much. I‘m more of a romantic. I like bubbly energetic women. More feminine. I’m exploring and learning this for myself in how I can better express my feelings Listen to some Marvin Gaye. Some good lessons on love

I love food and I love a variety of food but that might need to change Last few weeks I have developed an intolerance to what seems to be a lot of food. I do have IBS and have had issues in the past but these recent flare ups are causing a lot of pain. Stomach cramps and bloating. Not good The one thing to premise is that the one thing that definitely is okay on the gut is meat. I’m not keen on just eating meat but I’m not sure what choice I have certainly for the short term which is to stay on a carnivore diet and then after a month start to reintroduce certain foods I have a hunch it might mean that I have to stick to low FODMAP foods due to the bloating Also I did get a stool test and everything is fine so I do not know what is up. Is it an autoimmune issue? Anyone have any similar symptoms? @Leo Gura I know you’ve had auto immune issues any thoughts on this Thanks

@Leo Gura How are you managing with your SIBO?

This is a rough meal plan I’m thinking about. It’s not pure carnivore as I’m concerned about the nutritional value of meat only Morning: Blueberries Strawberries Lunch: Boiled eggs x4-5 Or Cooked chicken Or Salmon Or Soup Evening: Butter Salt Beef Carrot Spinach Drink: Ginger Cinnamon Peppermint

@NoN-RaTiOnAL I hope that works for me. I’m going to be very strict with food. I don’t have a choice. It’s starting to affect my life

@Michael569 I may have developed a sudden lactose intolerance but it’s not just that where it triggers I’ve self diagnosed for IBS. Not sure if there is a way to diagnosis it formally. I’ve had gut issues going back a long time but they’ve got way worse in the last 5 or so years I don’t get constipated and rarely get diarrhoea it’s more bloating that is the main issue and then with that comes the stomach pain. This is why I think it might be high FODMAP that triggers it Yes there definitely certain foods that I’m more sensitive to such as Greek yoghurt, broccoli. I had some coleslaw recently that seemed to trigger it. It’s early days though so I’m not so sure aside from meat blueberries, banana, carrots seem okay

@Leo Gura Thanks. I’m hoping that it’s not SIBO and it’s just an autoimmune reaction of some kind but seems pretty bad. I’ll get it checked

@The Renaissance Man I have a mate who knows a mate that has some wicked charisma and confidence so I’m hoping fate will create the conditions for friendship Another way is to become friends with people who are older than you. They will likely have more wisdom

@Javfly33 Ask to do some work experience in another dept as part of your professional development

I believe there are three key dimensions to attraction: personality, physicality and availability (I.e. being less available) I believe the first two make up authentic attraction where there is a synergy (a universal match between two people) and both can be developed to reach the fullest potential e.g. personality wise is being your most authentic self and physicality is good diet and exercise so your body is in the best shape But the attraction of availability is different. It’s a kind of inauthentic attraction because it’s not based on a synergy but approval seeking. Often this third aspect can override the other two if you are that desperate for approval, which leads to chasing emotionally unavailable people that are not right for you. It’s not a surprise that younger men and women have this issue to a greater degree. I think it’s important to watch out for this in yourself and other people that you’re dating as I am doing. Are you becoming attracted to this person because there’s a genuine synergy or are you getting taken over by desiring their approval once they become unavailable? It’s a mark of how mature you are A lot of these toxic dating gurus are basically teaching you to be more attractive from the third dimension of availability (gaming women) which I see as a reflection of how the population has generally pretty poor levels of self esteem. We all ultimately want connection but we’re too busy seeking validation and approval