RootingBamboo

@UpperMaster How would one "increase" the Want for a Thing, one's desire so to speak? I don't think this is organically at a certain "size" which can't be altered, otherwise you wouldn't have been more motivated/driven to Change from your scenario, and that would make other tactics inplausible. My first thought here is Journaling on the Purpose of it and Visualization? Any other ideas or thoughts on this? Thanks for taking your time to comment!

Hey everyone, I've been stuck in a vicious cycle of the same mistakes and problems for years now, and I'm not getting anywhere. It's driving me crazy and depressed. I want to finally take control of my life next year and start my journey to self-actualization, and have finally realized that I need to seek help. I can’t do this on my own. I hope that together you can help me break this cycle once and for all, and I hope that I can give back to you in any form possible. The vicious cycle looks something like this: I have motivation to change one or more aspects of my life – not hitting snooze, fitness, building discipline, building a skillset to start a business, etc. (those are the main ones currently) I have some success in this aspect I started, but not yet enough tangible results to give me momentum (e.g. “I've been going to the gym for a few weeks in a row, but haven't noticed any physical changes yet”). At some point I become complacent or make a mistake, for example, I miss a day at the gym or oversleep in the morning and have to go to the gym in the evening, which I then don't do because I'm lazy or tired, etc. This complacency ultimately leads to another failure, “Missed Habit Streak” etc. I beat myself up mentally for another failure, another round in the cycle etc. - and it doesn't help that I automatically compare myself and my failure with the success I see in other people, local people like friends as well as global people I follow and admire. My head rationally understands that I only see the iceberg above the water, and that these people are probably failing just like me, but emotionally I can't turn it off. I tell myself that If I don’t get it soon, that I will never get it and other bad, demoralizing things. At some point after some moping around I find new motivation, swear to myself "Next time everything will be different" and at some point start a new attempt at the same or a different thing. In addition, there are big problems like constant obstacles that I have to fix that cost me a lot of time and energy (for example, when I realize that I am too disorganized and have to fix my system before I can work effectively, or when I press snooze more often in the morning again and have to work on it because otherwise I won't be able to work at all, etc. which leads me to fix this problem instead of working on my actual tasks) and I have a lack of discipline and motivation as well as too much procrastination, which further exacerbates my overall situation. There are way too many problems and things I notice that could be improved and that I want to fix, but fixing that takes time away from more important things, while not fixing it may lead to bigger problems down the road which leads to another “blow up”, I’ve tried both approaches extensively. Also, keeping up on so many executed-on solutions for problems and tracking that I keep doing the solutions and that they are actually fixing the problem also takes a lot of time and it overwhelms me, as there is so much to keep track of that it often stresses me out further, which eventually leads to leaks in my tracking and upkeep and an abandoning of the entire system. When I try to "build smaller" or "go slower", my mind tells me that this way I won't build up fast enough and similar things. I have no momentum, or wins that would build that up. It's just a cycle of trying and failing, with everything, and it's deeply discouraging me, and starting again get’s harder and harder as Failure is more and more the expected outcome. And no matter what I seem to try and focus on, it all ends up the same way as described. I guess it's mostly in my head, not with the Things I have to do - because I am pretty clear in what I have to do - but I have no clue how to change my thinking, build up momentum, and what else to do/think/etc. to finally achieve Change. Change that REALLY lasts, not just for a few weeks or months. With this post specifically, I'm looking for advice on what I could try to do or think, as well as content I should look at that might help me, from Leo or others. I have come up with the following solutions so far and found them through journaling and self-analysis: Tackle fewer things at the same time, postpone more things "to the distant future" to be more focused. In 2024, I'm only focusing on: Building my skillset for the business I want to start ASAP, working on my Fitness with a time commitment that doesn't jeopardize my business (I guess a few hours of gym per week will only improve my performance and cognition, not hurt my other goals), building discipline and deep work through my learning and fitness, as well as passively building habits like meditation, getting up on time without snoozing etc. In addition, I want to always analyze current problems (currently with a short daily journaling) and fix them as lean and small as possible, no more fixing problems that haven't even occurred yet, or huge comprehensive solution lists that take a long time to implement and are unnecessarily complex. Focus on leaving my comfort zone step-by-step more in terms of habits & discipline. Accept where I am right now and actively re-frame my thoughts when comparing myself to others. Start where my comfort zone ends, not where I would like to be, and then steadily get used to it and increase it as soon as I am comfortable with it, no matter when that is, not any second beforehand because I feel like I have to go faster or whatever. (I would mostly build my comfort zone through the fitness, the habits and the business-study-sessions, increasing everything in length, intensity etc.). More journaling (lightweight in the time needed) and actively analyzing failures so I don't beat myself up but use them productively to identify things I can do better and good things I should proactively continue to do. Less Obsession with Habit Streaks and more Forgiveness for mistakes. I hope I have kept this as short as possible. If you want me to explain anything better, please let me know and I'll try to give more insights, in detail as well as tl;dr. I don't want to waste anyone's time and I'm already sincerely grateful that someone has read this far! I wish you all a great new Year in Advance!

@Alexop Thank you Any idea how to look into getting a coach? I'm currently strapped for money, but might do so as soon as I'm in a bit of a better place. Where would I even start looking to find somebody high quality? I'll defiitely do the Contemplation, and maybe get a bit more into Journaling, as this has been massively helpful the last few Months. Thank you very much for this suggestion! It's very promising. @SeaMonster Thanks for replying. That might definitely be a thing to look into, yeah. I mean I mostly get 8 hours, and I guess the Hitting Snooze is more of a bad Habit formed, but there could definitely be some underlying causes, possibly even biological as you said. @Sincerity Thanks for your understanding reply, although I do think that you have a very solid point there still! I will try to mix up my approaches, maybe as you said not leaving the gym immediately but maybe just trying different exercises, routines, times, a different gym - or even a different sport at all after that. Of course the same with the other things I struggle with. I think trying out new things instead of repeating the same patterns I've had for years is basically what you're recommending, right? I will try it, thank you very much for the tip! Although I may add this: In every endeavor there is hardship and aspects you don't like, right?. You might even procrastinate or loathe doing things for your partner or your child. Alongside that is the Notion that the Thing you fear or dread the most (most so in the macro, but also in the micro) is often the most important thing for you to do. If I think back on my life so far and would've decided that something wasn't for me whenever it got hard or didn't feel blissful, I wouldn't have stuck with anything at all. I fully understand that this is NOT what you're saying, just a thought that came up. Again, thank you for your time!

@Sincerity @Alexop Thank you for your replies, genuinely! Quickly on my business: I plan on becoming a Freelancer, starting with Copywriting and then probably transitioning into whatever Opportunity or Skill arises from there. I am really interested in Language and Writing in general, have some innate Talent for it if you will and find Topics like Marketing, Communication, Psychology etc. to be deeply fascinating, so anything I learn in that regard can be pretty much directly applied to Copywriting itself. So far I am monetarily invested in a quality (non-scammy) course with a strong community behind it and have consumed all of the course's content with notes. Now it's just about building the business itself and getting the skills throug further practice, studying, reading, setting up the portfolio... tons of writing, of course. Since I have been strong on the Wantrepreneur side ever since my teen years, I have already consumed a ton of content and books with lots of detailed notes over the years, so I guess I have a good grasp on the basics and self-built resources to quickly look into for guidance. You can already notice from that that this might be where my problems stem from, right? Perfectionism? I absolutely get your points, but I'm not 100% sure that I don't really "want" these things, because whenever I do them - like going to the gym, not only seeing results but being proud of going, feeling the pain, overcoming the urge to go easy, so even the process itself - I genuinely enjoy them. I still procrastinate on them, or lose motivation and momentum once I fail and beat myself up for it, but I don't think it comes from a place of not really wanting to do the thing (would you suggest otherwise?). In my personal opinion, that could very well be false, I believe it is actually more this lack of discipline that keeps me from sticking through things long-term, and this innate perfectionism that kinda "prevents me" from accepting mistakes or ruined streaks. A form of depressive disorder with light symptoms caused by constant failure might also play into that? I can't say for sure. Although I do score relatively high on self-taken "Depression Assessments" (high in being depressed), mainly because of me not only not being where I want to be, but not even going into the direction, for years and years now. Thanks on the tip regarding Social Media btw. I have been abstaining from it mostly all throughout this year and noticed that my mood and thoughts have drastically lightened up, so I basically only consume "productive" Content on there now (like Self-Dev.), and only passively like when in the car or cooking or whatever. Thanks again deeply for your time!

Hello everyone, this is my very first post on this Forum, and I hope it's not already a low-quality one or a repeat (if it is, please kindly guide me to an already existing answer, thank you very much). I'm highly invested in starting my business at the moment and learning everything I want and can and become as good as possible, therefore I'm not sticking around much on Social Media or anything unrelated to my current goals like going out a lot, drinking, partying, the such. The Focus is on Business First, Gym Second, Habits Third, and not much else to stay laser-focused. But I plan to get into Dating / Game / "Pick-Up" (Generally getting good Social Skills and finding wonderful Relationships) once I earn money through the business, and have consumed a ton of theory in years prior just purely out of interest. A topic often brought up by these Coaches and Influencers in the Space is that to create Attraction, you have to be interesting, and essentially, you have to live an interesting life. Often the examples brought up are with travel, having interesting hobbies and stories, having a strong character that is developed through experiences, and so on. So, my question is: How can I cultivate an engaging and captivating life despite my limited availability for these traditional "lifestyle" aspects? When I'm just running and scaling a business and not partying and drinking and traveling every weekend? Are the mainstream girls just out of the question and I have to niche down because I am "too boring" for them? Is that something that is just a false fallacy in my mind, and actually quickly evaporates once I go out and game? How do successful and busy people in this forum deal with that, or is that even something you ever had to deal with? What are your thoughts on this? Thanks for replies in advance.

Bump. Would love to hear your thoughts on this. I actually myself have thought a bit more about it, and I came to the conclusion that your Personality (which you are essentially building through Self-Development etc.) is what creates the Attraction, not the Lifestyle. Am I correct in that assumption?