emil1234

thought u took mahasamadhi

this will be an intuitive writing of recent discoveries / experiences of mine. the last years ive been extremely dragged towards eating food. an extreme craving for food. that being said, i eat only 3 times per day very conssitently, and i maintain an extremely healthy diet, consisting mainly of fruits and vegetables. yet the 3 meals are the highlight of my day. however when i eat my breakfirst, i only have lunch in mind. when i eat lunch, i have dinner in mind. its an eternal circle of craving, and i eat like an animal when im finally at it, filling myself without any break. recently ive felt the intuition to slow down and eat more mindfully. I take a piece of food, chew it, swallow, and wait for however long it takes for my body to require more. i feel mindfully into the sensations and urges in my body. i might wait everything between 15 seconds to 2 minutes between every bite. what i've discovered is that what im craving when im stuffing myself with food, is not the actual food, nor the physical sensations and pleasure that comes from eating it. observing myself, my reactions and the food mindfully, i experience what i can only describe as an existential, profound non physical bliss it is bliss that compells me to eat it. it is bliss that i require, not the taste or anything else. Experiencing the bliss right beneath the physical sensations, the food in my mouth becomes trivial and insignifcant, yet its become more rich and beautiful than any piece of food i've ever had. This bliss is not exclusive to the food. It is not exclusive to anything. it is right below everything. its in music. its in my computer. its in my eyes. my ears. my body. and yet it is not confined to it. It is unlike anything ive ever experienced. it cannot be confined. it cannot be located. it is absolutley unbounded, omnipresent, yet nowhere at all. and yet it is absolutley there, and its always been there. a constant. It is distinctly different from physical bliss sensations,since I experience those in my body simultaneously through eating the food. Physical bliss is arising and passing, fluctuating, non constant. This non physical bliss is non fluctuating, constant, non arising and non passing. it is however uncovered and once again covered by a shroud of physicality only, it is clouded by a physical shroud of what the mind thinks it requires. Is this brahman? God? I can only feel that this is a glipmse of the divine. just right beneath everything, there exists unbounded, unconditional bliss. and it is absolutley all-pervasive. alan watts comes to mind: "there is a universe, for the simple reason that it is ecstatic"

this is definetely how i felt. but apperantly it can also be a gateway to the divine

wasnt your mahasamadhi experience basically an option to stay in that state permanently?

i just had my most intense 5meo experience yet. i loaded 16 mg of synthetic 5meo vaporized, however Im a newbie and extremely bad at actually vaporzing it, so i would say i probably only consumed like 10 mg, probably less. The experience was very intense. However, just as I was coming out of the experience, i nearly instantly forgot all of it. What i do know is that during the peak i only had an extremely vague memory of being human. The comedown was beautiful as fuck. I saw how existence was absolutley inevitable, and anything that exists is absolute perfection. Infinite perfection. I didnt feel like the word God was suitable; while I did experience myself as the entirety of existence, it didnt feel like anyone was in control, not even God or consciousness. It was spontaneous intelligent perfection without any underlying mechanics. I dont know if i dipped my toes in the Godhead, I have a vague memory of feeling like the core of the sun. but only very vague, like a forgotten dream this was my second real 5meo trip. my question is; how much does it take to reach the Absolute states, absolute infinity, penetrating the Godhead completely, etc? And when you breakthrough, how certain are you that you actually broke through? I know from experience that with an NN dmt breakthrough, theres not even a question if you actually broke through. Sub breakthrough and breakthrough are like day and night While this undeinably probably was the most beautiful experience of my life, I definetely sensed that much deeper states were possible. I do not believe it was an actual breakthrough, comparing to how other people describe the experience. While I know the dose was relatively low, i also know that dose intensity varies dramatically from individual to individual. It definetely felt intense as fuck, i felt like i was about to black out in the beginning. i am however quite dissappointed that im unable to remember the peak of the trip

@Leo Gura is there an experiental difference in the trips vaporizing vs plugging? i think ill just butt plug it

@shree no a fucking oil burner

this is very true

I definetely think i will be plugging going forward. The experience felt too rushed and chaotic for me to comprehend what was happening

@Misato Katsuragi yes i remember i thought i had seen something i wasnt supposed to as well haha, i thought i had glitched the matrix or something. definetely the most scary period of my entire life

this is certainly what it feels like. transcending DRPR is basically being able to let go further into it thus embracing and transcending it

i suffered from DR for several years. hang in there, it will pass

@Leo Gura @Water by the River tbf ive always found that u agree more than u disagree

@Water by the River what about leos god realization without perceived center observer?

have you experienced hyper dimensional objects, as often described in NN-dmt breakthroughs?

@Davino my first mdma trip is literally one of the happiest memories of my life

Dont be closeminded. some people do have legitimate spiritual experiences on MDMA. that being said, i definetely view it as more of a recreational tool than spiritual. But it does have potential

solipsismus sounds like an end game boss in wow

So I had a small dose of 5meo sunday, around 5 mg. had a mild but still very noticable experience. the same evening i went to an ecstatic dance event, and experienced resurfacing of old trauma (experiences of derealization/disassociation). I suffered from this in the past, but never fully integrated it, so i always knew i would have to face it again some time and integrate it fully. The following days I also experienced more surfacing of emotions than usually, without being able to locate the cause or source of the emotions. I take all of this as a process of the 5meo work, allowing me to integrate deeper emotional aspects of myself. is this common? It certainly does feel like a direct byproduct of the 5meo disintegration of egoic defence mechanisms

i've probably had overall around 20 trips by now, 1 of which was a bad trip. I am about to try a small dose of 5meo dmt (5mg), and ive been pushing myself to do this for a long time now. but everytime im about to do it, i get this insanely intense fear of "what if i go insane", and i end up postponing it. could use some calming words lol, or advice as to how to deal with the fear of insanity

nice reply, thank you i always wondered if its necessary to locate the source; isnt it enough to simply FEEL, EMBRACE and LOVE whatever emotions arise? I've located multiple sources during my shadow work, and while it does provide intellectual clarity, my intuition is that FEELING the emotions are far more important

This is definetely what it feels like. Even through it might be uncomfortable in the moment, encountering past trauma, it feels like a very healing process

I dont see it as the ego holding on, it feels like surpressed emotions finally being granted attention. my experiences with lower doses so far has been very positive. i am however ramping up to breakthrough doses, but i wanna go slowly

i wouldnt say it was painful, and i was completely back to normal the day after. it was however the single most terrifying event of my life, because i was 100% that i was stuck in insanity for eternity. the trip became all i had ever known. my entire life vanished, all that had ever existed was me stuck in an eternal insanity loop

yea, i basically take all possible precautions. the last 7 days have basically been trip preparation, i try to make it as ceremonial as possible. the thing is, every time you trip, its potentially the most horrifying experience of your entire life lol. literally.