emil1234

So I had a small dose of 5meo sunday, around 5 mg. had a mild but still very noticable experience. the same evening i went to an ecstatic dance event, and experienced resurfacing of old trauma (experiences of derealization/disassociation). I suffered from this in the past, but never fully integrated it, so i always knew i would have to face it again some time and integrate it fully. The following days I also experienced more surfacing of emotions than usually, without being able to locate the cause or source of the emotions. I take all of this as a process of the 5meo work, allowing me to integrate deeper emotional aspects of myself. is this common? It certainly does feel like a direct byproduct of the 5meo disintegration of egoic defence mechanisms

This is definetely what it feels like. Even through it might be uncomfortable in the moment, encountering past trauma, it feels like a very healing process

I dont see it as the ego holding on, it feels like surpressed emotions finally being granted attention. my experiences with lower doses so far has been very positive. i am however ramping up to breakthrough doses, but i wanna go slowly

i've probably had overall around 20 trips by now, 1 of which was a bad trip. I am about to try a small dose of 5meo dmt (5mg), and ive been pushing myself to do this for a long time now. but everytime im about to do it, i get this insanely intense fear of "what if i go insane", and i end up postponing it. could use some calming words lol, or advice as to how to deal with the fear of insanity

i wouldnt say it was painful, and i was completely back to normal the day after. it was however the single most terrifying event of my life, because i was 100% that i was stuck in insanity for eternity. the trip became all i had ever known. my entire life vanished, all that had ever existed was me stuck in an eternal insanity loop

yea, i basically take all possible precautions. the last 7 days have basically been trip preparation, i try to make it as ceremonial as possible. the thing is, every time you trip, its potentially the most horrifying experience of your entire life lol. literally.

I think this is part of the reason i fear it so much. because everytime I trip, i have the mentality that i must accept death if it comes. so it very much feels like im running into death face on every time i trip. I however also think i might have TOO much respect for the substance, that its adding unnecessary anxiety pre trip.

update; took a small dose, roughly 2-4 mg. went pretty decent, didnt get a whole lot of effects. i did however have a lot of emotions surface, so i'm sitting with that right now, about to integrate it with some ceremonial cacao. ty for all ur replies wut. never heard of that before. ill stay off the alcohol when tripping i think haha i guess its trauma from a past lsd trip where i experienced insanity. it was the most frigthening experience of my life, and since then, i've feared insanity way more than death

@Paradoxed very true. this was revealed during my first 5meo trip. but damn, its so scary man haha

@OBEler the thing is u dont lose consciousness by not clinging to it. funny how spongebob doesnt get less fun with age

do not even use consciousness as an anchor. ive been attached to consciousness during my meditations as well, fearing that i would lose it. when i finally let go of that fear, my sense of self dropped away, and only existence itself remained. letting go of consciousness does not mean you lose it, it means you set it free everything you cling to holds you back

that would be epic

So just a couple of days ago, i discovered the power of integrating my subconscious aka shadow work. Literally the last couple of days has been so transformative for me, because i've become aware of how i actively and ongoingly surpress emotions and feelings. The thing is this; I've been abiding in awareness the last year or so, which shadow work revealed to me, to be somewhat of a disassociation from thoughts, feelings and emotions. whenever an emotion / feeling arises(it seems not only to be thoughts and feelings, but literally all sensations, including audiotory and visual), it seems i have two options; retreat to awareness and be somewhat at peace, let the emotion play itself out. OR abide IN the emotion, completely become the emotion and dissolve it into your being. becoming the emotion definetely feels the most right, but its also a form of clinging I feel that integrating my subconscious, as an ongoing, live process, where i continuesly recognize and embrace how i truly feel every moment about whatever arises, is kind of a contrast to abiding as awareness. its more of a clinging than completely letting go and abiding as awareness. So what I'm getting at, is that I'm not sure how to adminstrate the two, being shadow integration vs abiding as pure unpersonal awareness. shadow integration feels personal, awareness does not. So in short; how to best and most effectively utilize the two perspectives or states? I feel myself kind of swapping between awareness and integration, not really sure when to apply the one over the other

@Breakingthewall i literally only became aware of this like 4 days ago, and i can say that the last 4 days has been the most transformative since i started spiritual practice

@gettoefl i guess this stuff is different for everybody. tahts the thing, half the time you're not even sure you're doing it correctly just gotta do what seems the most effective to you i guess

@Breakingthewall knew there was some epic backstory

@Breakingthewall whats the story behind your profil picture ive been wondering

while i agree that its inherent for the mind to fill in gaps, some stories tend to enforce more imagination than others. if i tell you to imagine infinite goodness, eternal love beauty and bliss, you will have all sorts of ideas of what that would be like. if i tell you to imagine absolute Nothingness on the other hand, well.. i agree

this is why many spiritual traditions, especially buddhism, almost exclusively use negative terms (anatman, anicca,nirvana etc), in order to not have people imagining stuff about spirituality, thus hindering their awakening. i believe it is also why many teachers refuse to talk about metaphysical stuff in general whilst i absolutley love leo and his teachings, I must admit that gaining intellectual understanding of all of this metaphysical stuff has been a huge hinderance on my own journey, because it made me conjure up images and expectations about awakening.

imo the "visuals" of absolute pure perception of reality on 5meo beats any classic psychedelic visuals

so theres no experience happening right now? that seems to me the only absolute undebatable truth. that there is an experience happening

wtf do u mean. people overdramatize the implications of no-self so much. experiences still happen even through theres no seperate entity experiencing them existence is obviously still here even through "you" are not.

i did a cacao ceremony like a month ago and yea, its basically like a natural mdma trip i absolutley loved it

imo the 5 meo energy has always been there, its the most natural thing ever. 5meo is like a rememberance

I'm getting mixed signals. I used melatonin daily (6mg), and im unsure as to how long prior to 5meo i need to discontinue the melatonin. the facilitator told me that i didnt need to worry about it, however searching the internet, it appears there are potential interactions between the two drugs, since melatonin affects serotonin transmitters. The first time i did 5meo, i discontinued melatonin 2 days prior, and it went perfectly. Its however worth noting that discontineuing melatonin is fucking annoying for me, becuase i basically cant sleep when i dont use it do any of u 5meo users also use melatonin? and if so, how do u manage the possible interaction?