emil1234

i wouldnt say it was painful, and i was completely back to normal the day after. it was however the single most terrifying event of my life, because i was 100% that i was stuck in insanity for eternity. the trip became all i had ever known. my entire life vanished, all that had ever existed was me stuck in an eternal insanity loop

yea, i basically take all possible precautions. the last 7 days have basically been trip preparation, i try to make it as ceremonial as possible. the thing is, every time you trip, its potentially the most horrifying experience of your entire life lol. literally.

I think this is part of the reason i fear it so much. because everytime I trip, i have the mentality that i must accept death if it comes. so it very much feels like im running into death face on every time i trip. I however also think i might have TOO much respect for the substance, that its adding unnecessary anxiety pre trip.

update; took a small dose, roughly 2-4 mg. went pretty decent, didnt get a whole lot of effects. i did however have a lot of emotions surface, so i'm sitting with that right now, about to integrate it with some ceremonial cacao. ty for all ur replies wut. never heard of that before. ill stay off the alcohol when tripping i think haha i guess its trauma from a past lsd trip where i experienced insanity. it was the most frigthening experience of my life, and since then, i've feared insanity way more than death

@Paradoxed very true. this was revealed during my first 5meo trip. but damn, its so scary man haha

i've probably had overall around 20 trips by now, 1 of which was a bad trip. I am about to try a small dose of 5meo dmt (5mg), and ive been pushing myself to do this for a long time now. but everytime im about to do it, i get this insanely intense fear of "what if i go insane", and i end up postponing it. could use some calming words lol, or advice as to how to deal with the fear of insanity

@OBEler the thing is u dont lose consciousness by not clinging to it. funny how spongebob doesnt get less fun with age

do not even use consciousness as an anchor. ive been attached to consciousness during my meditations as well, fearing that i would lose it. when i finally let go of that fear, my sense of self dropped away, and only existence itself remained. letting go of consciousness does not mean you lose it, it means you set it free everything you cling to holds you back

that would be epic

@Breakingthewall i literally only became aware of this like 4 days ago, and i can say that the last 4 days has been the most transformative since i started spiritual practice

@gettoefl i guess this stuff is different for everybody. tahts the thing, half the time you're not even sure you're doing it correctly just gotta do what seems the most effective to you i guess

So just a couple of days ago, i discovered the power of integrating my subconscious aka shadow work. Literally the last couple of days has been so transformative for me, because i've become aware of how i actively and ongoingly surpress emotions and feelings. The thing is this; I've been abiding in awareness the last year or so, which shadow work revealed to me, to be somewhat of a disassociation from thoughts, feelings and emotions. whenever an emotion / feeling arises(it seems not only to be thoughts and feelings, but literally all sensations, including audiotory and visual), it seems i have two options; retreat to awareness and be somewhat at peace, let the emotion play itself out. OR abide IN the emotion, completely become the emotion and dissolve it into your being. becoming the emotion definetely feels the most right, but its also a form of clinging I feel that integrating my subconscious, as an ongoing, live process, where i continuesly recognize and embrace how i truly feel every moment about whatever arises, is kind of a contrast to abiding as awareness. its more of a clinging than completely letting go and abiding as awareness. So what I'm getting at, is that I'm not sure how to adminstrate the two, being shadow integration vs abiding as pure unpersonal awareness. shadow integration feels personal, awareness does not. So in short; how to best and most effectively utilize the two perspectives or states? I feel myself kind of swapping between awareness and integration, not really sure when to apply the one over the other

@Breakingthewall knew there was some epic backstory

@Breakingthewall whats the story behind your profil picture ive been wondering

while i agree that its inherent for the mind to fill in gaps, some stories tend to enforce more imagination than others. if i tell you to imagine infinite goodness, eternal love beauty and bliss, you will have all sorts of ideas of what that would be like. if i tell you to imagine absolute Nothingness on the other hand, well.. i agree