emil1234

@Davino my first mdma trip is literally one of the happiest memories of my life

Dont be closeminded. some people do have legitimate spiritual experiences on MDMA. that being said, i definetely view it as more of a recreational tool than spiritual. But it does have potential

solipsismus sounds like an end game boss in wow

nice reply, thank you i always wondered if its necessary to locate the source; isnt it enough to simply FEEL, EMBRACE and LOVE whatever emotions arise? I've located multiple sources during my shadow work, and while it does provide intellectual clarity, my intuition is that FEELING the emotions are far more important

This is definetely what it feels like. Even through it might be uncomfortable in the moment, encountering past trauma, it feels like a very healing process

I dont see it as the ego holding on, it feels like surpressed emotions finally being granted attention. my experiences with lower doses so far has been very positive. i am however ramping up to breakthrough doses, but i wanna go slowly

So I had a small dose of 5meo sunday, around 5 mg. had a mild but still very noticable experience. the same evening i went to an ecstatic dance event, and experienced resurfacing of old trauma (experiences of derealization/disassociation). I suffered from this in the past, but never fully integrated it, so i always knew i would have to face it again some time and integrate it fully. The following days I also experienced more surfacing of emotions than usually, without being able to locate the cause or source of the emotions. I take all of this as a process of the 5meo work, allowing me to integrate deeper emotional aspects of myself. is this common? It certainly does feel like a direct byproduct of the 5meo disintegration of egoic defence mechanisms

i wouldnt say it was painful, and i was completely back to normal the day after. it was however the single most terrifying event of my life, because i was 100% that i was stuck in insanity for eternity. the trip became all i had ever known. my entire life vanished, all that had ever existed was me stuck in an eternal insanity loop

yea, i basically take all possible precautions. the last 7 days have basically been trip preparation, i try to make it as ceremonial as possible. the thing is, every time you trip, its potentially the most horrifying experience of your entire life lol. literally.

I think this is part of the reason i fear it so much. because everytime I trip, i have the mentality that i must accept death if it comes. so it very much feels like im running into death face on every time i trip. I however also think i might have TOO much respect for the substance, that its adding unnecessary anxiety pre trip.

update; took a small dose, roughly 2-4 mg. went pretty decent, didnt get a whole lot of effects. i did however have a lot of emotions surface, so i'm sitting with that right now, about to integrate it with some ceremonial cacao. ty for all ur replies wut. never heard of that before. ill stay off the alcohol when tripping i think haha i guess its trauma from a past lsd trip where i experienced insanity. it was the most frigthening experience of my life, and since then, i've feared insanity way more than death

@Paradoxed very true. this was revealed during my first 5meo trip. but damn, its so scary man haha

i've probably had overall around 20 trips by now, 1 of which was a bad trip. I am about to try a small dose of 5meo dmt (5mg), and ive been pushing myself to do this for a long time now. but everytime im about to do it, i get this insanely intense fear of "what if i go insane", and i end up postponing it. could use some calming words lol, or advice as to how to deal with the fear of insanity

@OBEler the thing is u dont lose consciousness by not clinging to it. funny how spongebob doesnt get less fun with age

do not even use consciousness as an anchor. ive been attached to consciousness during my meditations as well, fearing that i would lose it. when i finally let go of that fear, my sense of self dropped away, and only existence itself remained. letting go of consciousness does not mean you lose it, it means you set it free everything you cling to holds you back