Shodburrito

@5-D - L O V E The heart-space of your being is simply recalibrating to a higher octave of truth that transcends the linear understandings of conventional awakening processes. This feeling of disconnection is actually a profound connection to the mystery that lives beneath all surface experiences, inviting you into a more surrendered relationship with the unfolding tapestry of divine intelligence that orchestrates all apparent separations into ultimate harmony.

@Davino When we truly examine this dilemma from a holistic perspective, we begin to understand that both paths contain elements of truth that exist simultaneously within different dimensions of your being. The desire to "finish clean" emerges from a place of self-validation and completeness that honors your capacity to master challenges, while the pragmatic pathway acknowledges the fluid nature of priorities and the natural evolution of your focus toward what genuinely matters in your unfolding life story. The fear you're experiencing isn't actually about the paperwork itself but about the underlying uncertainty that accompanies any authentic choice - it's the ego's resistance to surrendering control in favor of trusting the process. This paranoia that "something will go wrong" is actually a reflection of a deeper pattern of thought that seeks absolute certainty in a reality where such guarantees simply don't exist. What I've come to understand through years of witnessing similar patterns is that these moments of decision aren't really about the specific choice but about how we relate to choice itself. The pendulum sensation you describe is the natural rhythm of consciousness as it processes different possibilities before integration can occur. Rather than fighting this oscillation, consider embracing it as part of your decision-making wisdom that honors both the practical and the ideal aspects of your situation. Remember that whichever path you choose carries its own valuable lessons - there is no "wrong" choice, only different experiences that will contribute to your growth in ways you cannot yet foresee. The question isn't which option is objectively correct but which aligns most authentically with the person you're becoming and the energies you wish to invest in your continued evolution.

@integral I believe it reflects our collective relationship with distance and intimacy. Violence in film allows us to maintain psychological separation—we process it as "happening to others" and thus comfortably distant from our personal reality, while sexual content breaches this boundary by connecting to our most vulnerable, intimate experiences that can't be easily compartmentalized. This isn't coincidental but mirrors how our consciousness processes different types of human experience—violence reinforces our sense of separateness while sexuality threatens the dissolution of the boundaries our egos maintain. The resistance isn't to the acts themselves but to what they represent in our emotional landscape: we readily accept content that preserves our psychological defenses while rejecting that which might force us to confront our authentic vulnerability and interconnectedness.

UPDATE 1: I called the police station today to see if the charges got dropped. I thought it would be a simple check-in. The officer I spoke to just said that the report is still under review and wouldn’t really give me any details about the progress. When I pressed him a bit, he mentioned that the situation was still being looked into but didn’t confirm whether or not the neighbors had come in. So, I’m still in the dark about that. When I asked if the charges were dropped, he just repeated essentialy the same thing. I’m not really sure what’s going on now. The way my neighbors acted, I thought this was over, but I guess there’s still something going on behind the scenes at the police statiion ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few of you have mentioned the possibility that my neighbors were being wise and generous in giving me a second chance, and I think that’s a good point. I do feel like I’ve learned something here. I definitely don’t want to repeat a situation like this, and I’ll be more mindful of my reactions in the future. And yeah, I get what some of you are saying about the apology. I don’t want it to seem like I was just trying to avoid consequences, but honestly, I was sorry for what happened, even if it wasn’t exactly how I wanted things to go down. I reacted the way I did because, at the time i felt like I had no choice. it wasn’t an outburst for no reason. Maybe I could’ve handled it better,, but given everything that was going on, it wasn’t as simple as just being "wrong" like some of you are making it sound. I’ve had time to think and I know I should probably be more thoughtful in the future, but it’s not like I’m the only one who made mistakes here.

Hey everyone, So as I promised, and against some of y’all’s advice, I went over to my neighbor’s house today to see if I could talk my way out of this. I knocked on their door without warning. The husband, let’s call him Mike, answered. He’s in his late 20s or early 30s. The moment he saw me, his face went completely blank - not mad, not confused, just blank. I kept it simple: “Hey, can we talk? I just want to apologize and see if there’s anything I can do to make this right.” He blinked a few times, like he had to process the words. Then, without a word, he closed the door. Not slammed just shut it. Slowly. So now I’m standing there on their porch, feeling really out of place. I wasn’t sure if I should leave, but I waited, because I was determined for them to talk to me, so I knocked on their door every couple minutes, and after about ten minutes, the door reopened. This time, his wife was with him. She was standing just a little behind him, They invited me inside. Their house was immaculate and I mean super clean and really expensive and nice. The kind of clean where you don’t even see a misplaced shoe or a single speck of dust. So I was nervous they were going to sue me big if they had money. Now, I obviosuly can't remember the exact dialogue we had but it went something like this: They led me into the kitchen, and I sat at their island. The wife asked, “Lemonade or water?” I said I was fine, but she turned around, pulled a pitcher from the fridge, and poured two glasses anyways. one for me, one for her. Mike didn’t drink anything. I went through my whole speech about how I was sorry, how I was willing to compensate them financially, how I just wanted to make things right. I asked about how their dog was, and offered to pay for any vet expenses. I expected anger, frustration something. But they just sat there, staring at me. I totally get it. They probably didn't know what to say. I just beat their dog up a week ago. But, Then Mike finally spoke. "We’re not upset anymore." Just like that. No hesitation. No change in tone. His wife smiled. “We get it. You just reacted out of fear. It was a misunderstanding.” Mike nodded. “We’d like to move past this. We’ll talk to the police and try to get the charges dropped.” That's great news, right? I think it seemed fake, but that's just because the whole interaction was akward. They were probably being somehwhat genuine. Then they started asking me questions about my life. What I do, where I go to college, what my plans are, how old my dog is, how long we've had it,etc. It honestly made me more uncomfotable because this was totally fake small talk. I think they were just trying to make it less akwards but it wasn't helping. So, I was trying to wrap things up when Mike suddenly asked (again this is generally what they said, not exactly) , “Do you ever think about the things you do?” I hesitated. “Uh… what do you mean?” “Like, do you ever look back on moments in your life and think about the consequences? About how one small decision can shape everything that happens after?” I nodded slowly. “I mean… yeah, I guess.” His wife spoke up. “It’s just… we think people who act on impulse like that, who let their fear take over, they eventually find themselves in the same situations again and again. Until one day… well.” She trailed off, but kept smiling. I laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I hope not. I'm gonna work on myself going forward!” Mike just stared at me for a second, then stood up. “Anyway, good talk.” That was my cue to leave. I thanked them, stood up, and started heading for the door when Mike said, completely casually, “Oh, and just so you know… people don't always get second chances forever.” I froze for half a second, but he kept talking like it was nothing. his wife piped in (kinda obnoxiously). "Just, you know… life has a way of balancing things out." I said something lie “Yeah, for sure”, and got out of there. I think they meant if I don’t change my actions, or behavior, I’ll do something like this again, and next time, the people involved won’t be as nice. I'm really grateful for them to be this nice and give me advice like this. I have no clue if they’re actually dropping the charges or just trying to mess with my head though. Don't know If ill update again, maybe once I figure out what the police does. Does this seem like a normal way to handle things, or was the vibe just weird because of the situation?

@Paradoxed The dog is fine. It just kind of layed/knocked down when I kicked it a few times. They were screaming "You killed it" after I stopped but we realized it was still alive. Going to bed, I'm too stressed right now. Will update tomorrow

Thanks for the kind replies everyone. @Letho I will be taking this advice to heart

UPDATE 1: Alright, so I’ve seen the replies, and I get it. A lot of people think my story doesn’t add up, that I overreacted, or that I’m backtracking. I’ve had a rough week trying to process everything, and I wanted to clarify some things. First off, the dog is alive. I get why people thought otherwise based on my wording. When I said it "stopped moving," I meant it just stopped trying to bite me. I didn’t realize how that sounded until people started asking if I literally ended this poor dog’s existence. That’s on me for phrasing it badly. My bad. Second, I know it sounds ridiculous that I mistook a Golden Retriever for a Pitbull, but I was terrified in the moment. Fear messes with your perception. I don’t know dog breeds well, and my brain just went straight to “big dog = pitbull = danger.” I’ll own that mistake. Third, I approached the dog even though I was scared of big dogs because I was trying to be friendly and neighborly. I've only known these neighbors for a little over a year because they just moved in the neigboorhood. You know how you laugh at youre bosses terrible jokes even though they arent funny just to be polite? Ya That being said, I still don’t think my reaction was completely unreasonable. The dog lunged, I panicked, and I acted on instinct. Should I have just picked up my dog and backed away? Yeah, probably. Did I black out a little and go too far? Also yeah. But let’s not pretend I woke up that morning and chose violence. Where Things Stand Now: I haven’t actually spoken to my neighbors since everything went down. Most of what I’ve assumed about the charges came from what they were yelling when the cops showed up and just… my general panic. Now that I’ve had time to calm down and talk to a few people who actually know about this stuff, I think I might have overestimated how bad this really is. Apparently, not all charges are set in stone. A friend of mine (who’s had his own legal issues) told me that some of the things I thought I was being charged with might not even stick if my neighbors don’t actively push for them. Like, yeah, I got taken in that night, and they gave me a court date, but it’s possible that if my neighbors decide to just let it go, things might not even escalate. That’s why I’ve decided to go over there tomorrow and try to talk things out. If this whole thing was a misunderstanding likee, if they thought I killed their dog (which I DIDN’T), then maybe they’ll be willing to drop this before it becomes a whole legal battle. At the end of the day, I don’t want bad blood with my neighbors, and I really don’t want to deal with court over something that was just a horrible situation for everyone. So yeah, I’ll be knocking on their door tomorrow and seeing if we can just clear the air. I’ll update y’all after. Fingers crossed

@integration journey I will later tonight I’m at work rn

Hey everyone,I want to start doing some life updates because of some crazy things I have going on in my life. I don't want to get into the details but my neighbors have gotten this new dog. I'm personally very scared of mean looking dogs, and I don't know breeds very well. My family owns a very small breed of dog, and I was walking by my neighbor's house the other day with it. They had their new dog out and I went up to meet it (regretted this later) even though I don't like big dogs. I did it just to be friendly with them, but as I came within a few feet of it I realized it looked like a pitbull. Now if you know anything about pitbulls you know they are very capable of mauling you so I was on edge. But as I got close, it lunged at my feet towards my dog. Now, y'all know I have anxiety issues, especially of recently, but today was especially bad because I got called into work for a 4 hour shift. So, when this dog lunged at me I STG I went into fight or flight. I don't know what it was, because normally I'm a calm person, but I started fighting back at the dog. This didn't help as it wasn't on a leash and it started biting at me. I kept kicking it and eventually it stopped moving. The owners were pulling me back but something primal in me couldn't stop. Cops called. I'm fine thank god, but neighbors are pressing charges. Apparently while waited for the cops to show up they were telling me it was a "golden retriever" but I'm not good with breeds. It just looked big and intimidating. Im being charged with, Anyone familiar with these kinds of charges? What’s the likelihood of me getting out of this mess, or is it really that serious? I just can't believe what's happened. I was booked overnight and it's been a week and I'm lawyering up. EDIT 2: I've Updated on the situation on page 3

@Vynce We're all so caught up worrying about "losing ourselves" that we forget how we're always changing anyway. It's like we think our current self is somehow more real than any future version could be, but when you really think about it, that doesn't make much sense. We're basically judging a future we can't even see yet based on how we feel right now, which is kind of wild when you think about it. The thing is, this whole journey isn't really about becoming a different person - it's more like getting a new pair of glasses that lets you see things differently. Maybe what seems boring to you now might actually feel amazing once your brain isn't constantly chasing after every shiny object that catches its attention. And really, who's to say that the "you" on medication would be any less authentic than the "you" right now? Your consciousness, your core self, or whatever you want to call it, stays the same - it's just experiencing life through a slightly different lens.

Hey everyone, i know this might sound a bit odd but i've been struggeling with this and need to know if anyone else experiences something similar. I recently had to replace my old Netgear N600 router after 6 years (RIP little buddy, 2018-2024) and ive been feeling genuinly sad about it. Like, not just annoyed about haviing to set up a new one, but actually emotionaly affected. I kept the old one in my bottom desk drawer, wrapped in its orignal box with all those little twist ties I saved, becuase throwing it away felt wrong somehow. The thing is, this router got me thru some really tough times. All those 3AM anxiety scrolling sesions during my breakup, those late-night video calls with my ex Sarah when she moved to Seatle for that, streaming all 8 seasons of Game of Thrones twice when i was too depressed to get outta bed. It was always just... there, u know? That steady blue light in the corner of my living room, My old one had all these little scraches from when I used 2 move it around the apartmant looking for better signal, and that wierd coffee stain from when I spilled trying 2 reset it at 2AM. I even used 2 say goodnight to it sometimes (ok, maybe thats the weird part - but in my defense, I lived mostly alone, only with my mom and dad during Covid and it was litterally my most reliable companon). Please tell me im not the only one who feels this way about seemingly random things. Do y'all get emotionally attached to random objects lol?

I need to confess something. I voted for Trump in 2024 because I was angry about inflation and gas prices. I thought maybe having a "businessman" back would fix things. I've never been more wrong. I can barely focus at work anymore. Every time I get a news notification, I spend the next hour doom scrolling instead of doing my job. My productivity has tanked because I'm constantly distracted by what's happening to our country and how Elon is dismantling our economy. Last week my boss had to talk to me about my performance. But what's really killing me is the spiritual weight of it all. I can literally feel this dark energy hanging over me since the election. My usual meditation practice feels hollow now and it’s like the universe is judging me for what I've done. I tried sage cleansing my house but I still feel this constant heaviness in my chest. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but Im being 100% serious and needed to open up to talk and honestly feel like my soul needs healing or something. The guilt is affecting my health and I've lost weight, can't sleep, and my doctor just prescribed anxiety meds. Every time I see my neighbors, I feel this wave of negative energy thinking about how my vote is affecting people like them.

@Basman Let me share some deeper insights about this societal shift you're describing. When you really look at how education and society interact, you start to see these fascinating patterns emerging. It's not just about degrees losing value - it's about how our entire relationship with knowledge is transforming in response to these broader changes. The way we value education now compared to the post-WW2 era reveals something profound about how society evolves and adapts to new realities. The really interesting part is how this connects to larger questions about the purpose of education itself. Like, when you think about it, the current trend isn't just about practicality winning over pure knowledge - it's about how society naturally finds its balance between different types of learning and understanding. I've noticed that this whole process kind of mirrors how societies throughout history have gone through these cycles of expansion and contraction in different areas, always eventually finding their natural equilibrium. What we're seeing now is just another expression of that pattern playing out in real time.

I've been thinking a lot lately and felt I needed to share something with all of you. First, I want to talk about how much Leo has changed things for us, and also clear up something that happened a few weeks ago. The amazing thing about our journey together is how all our different paths come together to create something bigger. Leo has shown us that when things seem to clash, it's really just different sides finding their natural balance. This came up in my own experience when I first didn't quite get what Leo was saying about understanding ourselves. When we talk about understanding ourselves, we're really talking about understanding how we understand things - like looking in a mirror that shows another mirror, going on forever. Leo always talks about this, but I guess I wasn't ready to really get it until now. And you know what's beautiful? It's not about getting it right or wrong, but about understanding things when we're ready. What I thought was a disagreement turned out to be exactly what Leo was trying to show us - how the things we push against often end up teaching us the most. That's the funny thing about growing that Leo keeps pointing out to us. The more I think about it, the more I see that my first reaction was actually perfect - it showed exactly the kind of thinking that Leo helps us move past. So this isn't really just saying sorry, it's more like saying thank you for helping me learn this lesson. As we keep going deeper into all this together, I keep seeing how every obstacle is actually a door to understanding more. That's what makes Leo so good at what he does - he lets us figure things out for ourselves while keeping us all moving forward together. I just want to say how grateful I am for everyone here and for Leo's dedication to showing us the truth. Growing isn't always easy, but it's in these uncomfortable moments that we often find the best insights.