Tenebroso

I like this. I am a Londoner too, I know how intimidating the women can be here. I need to be braver and take bold steps. Thanks for this inspiration.

While there are things to admire in aBill Gates and Obama respectively I wouldn't want their relationships. From everything I have seen, they seem to be more relationships of convenience. Basically, from everything I am observing and reading about the dynamic between men and women, it seems better to be the immoral fuckboy who a woman knows is not good for her but she can't can't get enough of because he meets her needs. Being the guy that a woman has to train herself to like after she is done with bad boys does not sound appealing to me, it just makes me want to embody the bad boy. I grew up in a tough city but went to very good schools. I am acquainted with drug dealers, gangsters but also people professionals (doctors, teachers, lawyers etc) and it is striking to me that the more destructive a person is the less issues they have attracting women of any class.

Considering what you have written here, are attractive men likely to be chameleons able to shape shift into whatever the woman who crosses their path needs in the moment or are they more likely to have a more static identity and sense of self?

The 50/50 ration of men and women does not mean attraction will be equally distributed. Clearly some men die alone never touching a woman, while others sleep with thousands of women. Everywhere I have been in life; school, jobs, different mixed social circles etc there isn't a woman for every man. Some men seem to have way more broad appeal, some men have a niche people and some seemingly none. It seems you find the idea that women heavily favour certain men threatening to the idea of female individuality but I think two things can be true at once. Each individual woman has her own type and that can shift depending on where she is in her life but this does not contradict the fact that some men seemingly having something whether it is looks, status, charm that supersedes the mysterious, abstract nature of female attraction and allows to experience a level of sexual/romantic abundance many men can't fathom.

My concern is that it sounds like women have to make themselves attracted to one group of men, while they can't help but fall for the more destructive men. On social media women speak of knowing it will end badly with the fuckboy but they can't help being attracted, while struggling to have that primal attraction for the guys who seem more compatible on paper. This does not seem encouraging.

It is true you just find it uncomfortable. Serial Killers, Murderers, Abusers, Drug Dealers and worse have wives, girlfriends and admirers. Just because you don't like it does not make it true. You have no serious retort to this.

I think dating apps are the scapegoat. The guys who have no problem attracting women in real life are the same guys getting all the attention online. Dating apps just unmask the primal firmware behind human mating dynamics. The most physically attractive people get all the attention, status and wealth matter but all the the more subtle qualities that people think they are attracted to; kindness, emotional intelligence, patience.....don't matter if you can't past the hurdle of attraction in the first place.

Nothing to do with vibe. You either look good to a woman or you don't, there are 'bad vibe' men who have zero issues attracting women. It's not about good and bad.

Masculinity is doing as you please unapologetically while taking complete responsibility. In my eyes, this has little to nothing to do with being a good person, protecting, morality. If a man's honest instincts lead him to honestly being a good man without looking for approval great but I don't believe there is some kind of positive morality inherent to true masculinity. This is uncomfortable for society to accept.

Does this work for the everyday regular guy? Of course the handsome man in a Hollywood costume drama is going to be alluring to anyone he is staring at.

Men watch more porn but Women apparently watch more hardcore stuff. I think Women are potentially more sexual but they find a small minority of men attractive, so don't always have the desired outlet for their sexuality.

This could be a post in itself, applying Reality Transurfing to dating. Maybe excess potentials explains why men less concerned with being a good man or doing the right thing do so well with women. The lack of importance but it's hard to fake that kind of non neediness.

@Emerald Thanks for your detailed, patient responses to me, you have been very helpful.

Wasn't quite sure how to respond to this. This is very kind, thanks for taking the time to respond in this manner despite my negativity. The bolded especially resonates, I do need to learn to trust and see with my heart.

I want nothing more. I love women.

THIS

What are these predictable conditions men should learn if they want to be more successful with women? If women's sexuality is so subjective, abstract and dynamic then why do some men manage to sleep with so many women that they lose count, can get into a relationship whenever they want, while other guys are seemingly invisible or repellent to women? If female sexuality is as you describe then there shouldn't be such a discrepancy between the sex/love life across the spectrum of men. Clearly attraction is not evenly distributed, there must be something those other guys have that makes them so successful with women. At university my flatmate was one of those guys, seeing about 7 women at once to the point they were fighting over him.

@Leo Gura Is it possible to give up entirely on sex, romance/love and still live a productive, fulfilling life? Have you ever known a guy who has done this?

@Princess Arabia Well I guess I have a lot of work to do emotionally and mentally. If there is no finishing line to developing self development, when do you become good enough?

Doesn't confidence need to be based on something? So I should stop wanting to date and ignore sexual desires?

How do you not be desperate when you only know rejection? Guys who are not desperate obviously have had romantic success and sexual experiences so they know they are attractive to somebody, so a rejection is not the end of the world for them.

Because I am human I have desires and want to experience many things. Is that so bad? Am I not allowed to want to have sex and have a love life? I find the people who say these things don't matter are the ones who have had all the sex and relationships they want and can honestly detach without resentment. It's like a person born into wealth telling you to not worry about money.

How do you get noticed? Often when I get advice, it seems that there is a basic assumption that you are able to get a date or even an interaction in the first place but as you have pointed out just being seen is a huge challenge.

@Leo Gura Leo do you believe there is someone for everyone? Are some guys doomed or in your experience, can every guy improve and become desirable to some extent?

Ok How do the vast majority of women actually think about men? What is not true exactly, among the things I am worrying about? That a small percentage of men are sleeping with thousands of women, stringing them along in situationships and damaging them emotionally. Leaving them jaded and angry at men who can't even get a date. You deny this?