Tenebroso

@mr_engineer Good point about 'good girls'. They are often hypocritical and repressed and actually the cause of a lot of the confusion in the dating game. More interested in preserving a certain self image than connecting.

Psychological health is a dynamic spectrum there is no precise finishing line to self development and there is often a discrepancy between who a person thinks they are and what they actually respond to. All humans have the capacity to be intuitive. This idea that women even the most developed possess an intuition that enables them to identify and avoid toxic individuals does not seem to match the reality of what is actually happening day to day. What is true is that negative assumptions are made about unattractive men before they even have a chance to show their personality and positive quality. While they seem to miss red flags in attractive men. So this 'intuition' seems to exist to filter unattractive men out of the dating pool and then to justify this filtering undesirable men are vilified e.g "you are not really nice", "it's your personality, "your a horrible person, women can tell" etc On a macro level perception of beauty is not very subjective. Modern dating would look very different if women actually chose men based on whether she feels safe, loved, protected, sexy, and feminine in his presence. The majority of women are attracted to a minority of men, the stark difference between the love lives of the most sexually/romantically successful men is not due to maturity, kindness and all the supposed qualities that don't really come into play realistically until you are actually in a relationship. I don't think men should do nothing and harbor bitterness towards women for the rest of their lives. Women don't really need men today they can have successful, productive lives and even have children all without the involvement of a man. So primal attraction has become the most important factor to whether two people will become involved with each other, most men without the artificial framework that patriarchy provided do not have the natural desirability to really have a chance . On a macro level the masculine is being to challenged to reevaluate it's role. I believe many men who are struggling are not far away from being able to have great love lives, with minor adjustments in grooming, perspective, style etc they can do well. Unfortunately a large number of men way more than it is comfortable to admit do not have a chance and lying to them only creates more resent and bitterness. There are other ways to live fulfilling lives we have calculus and the sistine chapel because of men who completely devoted themselves to their art/craft. So each individual man has to take honest inventory of himself with unflinching honesty, ask himself "who am I", what do I want", "What has been the pattern of my life up to this point" and "what can I control" Men are absolutely not entitled to hot chicks nor do the vast majority feel they are entitled to hot chicks, this is a big myth and I have to say it is borderline gaslighting used to shut down conversation. The quiet plain girl down the road and the shy girl in the library are just as unreachable for most men as a supermodel there is little discernible difference. This is one of the most hurtful myths, the vast majority of men struggling are not where they are because they are chasing Bella Hadid wannabes it is a terrible lie that has to stop, regular women get attention but it is not the attention they want from the top men. They consider men on their level invisible. I agree men are not victims but they are absolutely being lied to and gaslighted. It is easy to speak of not seeking validation from sex if you have never dealt with constant rejection and shaming before you even reach adulthood. The essence of human beings is not a house with separate rooms isolated from each other figuratively speaking, every room of our essence is connected to the other there is no separation so while sexuality does not account for the overall well being and development of a person it is as vital as the psychological and emotional parts of ourselves and there is a constant feedback loop. True development does not really take place until sexuality is integrated and that is not done by ignoring it. To say it is just about validating masculinity is dismissive and not even close to the angle I am coming from. Most men I have to reiterate are not where they are because of a yearning for attractive individuals, the dating game is brutal for most men and most are bought down to earth very quickly. I agree a spiritual ego is not good but we are not really talking about that, most men have not reached the level of development to even have a spiritual ego. I have never met a man with a big ego who struggles with women whether that is a spiritual ego, an ego based on status, wealth looks etc A big ego healthy or not does not impede on a man's romantic success with 'psychologically healthy' or unhealthy women. If spiritual ego is so bad then why do women fall in love with cult leaders? I agree in the value and importance of all those practices you listed. Yes personal growth and developing a relationship with source are very important no disagreement there. I find the idea of "true spirituality" dubious. I think presence and objectivity are more important than humility or arrogance there are seasons in an individual's life where humility is necessary and there are seasons where a bit of arrogance is necessary, perhaps to complete an unlikely career move, go for that high qualification job despite not having all the credentials etc I don't think it is healthy to be an absolutist when it comes to humility. Again who decides what true spirituality is whether or not it is coming from a genuine place. A persons own true motivations can often be a mystery to themselves, life is inherently mysterious we don't always have the answers. Again with this myth women "featured in every magazine, porn, in nightclubs" such an helpful trope with little relationship with reality. When men are resentful and bitter it is not because they cannot attract a Claudia Schiffer clone, their favourite pornstar or the bombshell in the nightclubs, it is regular everyday women who reject these men and frankly feel above these men. The average man does not reach 30 years old without having a brutal reality check on what is possible for him. I don't believe there is someone for everyone, life is not fair. A person may develop spiritually and psychologically and attract nothing. For men particularly it actually might get more difficult the more conscious, aware and evolved you are. If there is such thing as an authentic self in other words a soul, an essence then it's primary task is to experience and learn and that may mean doing unexpected things including pursuing situations and people who on the surface level are not healthy so this idea that so called genuine spirituality magnetises the authentic selves of compatible people to each other is misguided in my opinion. There are many layers to a human being and the different parts of ourselves often have competing intentions i.e our sexual self might want something different from our psychological and/or emotional self, the old brain (amygdala) is in constant battle with the new brain (pre-fontal cortex).

Nothing matters unless you are physical attractive, emotional maturity and personality mean nothing unless you are are sexy on a physical level. Women will actually make excuses for violent, antisocial with terrible personalities if they are attractive enough. Developing spiritually as a man does nothing for you romantically, young men would be less resentful and disappointed if we stopped lying to them. We have to stop this myth that female attraction is somehow more noble and mysterious. For most of human history a minority of men mated, most got nothing. We had a couple of centuries of enforced monogamy where women had to attach themselves to a man but those days are over at least in the west. Women are free to really respond to their desires freely and it is clear that physical attraction is paramount. Men are now destroying their legs to get taller, doing cosmetic surgery whitening their skin this is not coming out of nowhere. Men are pragmatic. If being a spiritually evolved, kind, emotional person made them attractive we wouldn't be where we are in terms of the dating game.

Emotionally stable, high communication, empathy, knowledgeable, spiritual, funny. All great qualities nothing to do with attraction there are many men with these qualities but they never trigger desire enough to even get their foot in the door to show these qualities. The man in the video is tall, white and muscular, according to data that is a cheat code in the dating game. He would be attracting the same caliber of women if he had none of those traits while looking the way he looks. If you read between the lines what women are saying is that they want men they already find sexy and high status to have these qualities. The average man on the street gets nowhere with these traits. The difficult conversation we have to have in society is that most men are not sexy enough and will never be sexy enough to experience real desire from a woman.

You have to let go of your morality a little bit to give yourself a chance to experience certain things like sex and see that there is nothing wrong with sex and even lust. Until you get over that mental block you won't grow and evolve as well as you can. Unless you are willing to become like a monk or live like St Francis Assisi you will need to face the reality of sex and come to terms with your desires with no shame and judgement. I think a lot of young men are dealing with this mental block, explains a lot of the issues today. Let go of the idea of being a good, moral person and think more wholistically and you will see there is a place for lust, desire, sex and all manner of so called bad things.

Looks, Power & Status. Everything else is secondary. When you ask someone what they are attracted to they are usually answering from their 'ideal self' not who they really are and what actually triggers desire for them day to day. That is why you often hear the generic common answers; Kind, gentle, emotionally intelligent, social, spiritual etc. None of these actually move the needle and trigger desire, which is the most important thing. A great personality and spiritual development mean nothing if you can't arouse real desire in a women. Society has to stop lying to young men about this, you can't buy or meditate your way into a woman's heart. So focus on looking your best and gaining power and status in the context of your life whatever that may look like. This is the uncomfortable answer. People have beating the same generic messages about who men should be to attract women for the last decade and and clearly it is not working.

Lavender, Jasmine, Vanilla, Peppermint and Sandalwood are supposedly aphrodisiacs so maybe find scents based around these notes.

There have been cases in the UK of young men being arrested for talking to women on campus at university. It's unusual but believable in 2023. I find women today just avert their gaze dramatically if they have zero interest rather than making a scene.