Martin123

@moon777light How about not leading with realizing the Truth. How about healing the wounds of our inner child first

@moon777light Would it be fair that your boyfriend isnt a typically masculine, dominant type of a guy? Would it also be fair that masculinity was to him in the past modeled in a toxic and abusive ways from one of his parents?

I am sorry dear, its ok to feel. You are safe to feel, and you are safe in your empathic gifts. It may feel overwhelming, it may feel like it is too much at times, and when it does thats completely ok and natural. Just remember that whatever overwhelm arises within you, you are safe enough to breathe through it. Return to your breath, and the breath will show you how safe you are to face everything that is here to mold you into your highest angelic self. All my love with you.

damn too true

@NoSelfSelf Well even though your mother has affected you greatly, in spite of her being around more as a child the tendency is to take on the approach the dominant parent has, which is your father, which sounds that he had a very masculine approach. So just to point out this is where your masculinity comes from, it is becaues as a child, because your father was dominant, you developed a belief that "The way you get your way in your way, is the way my dad does it, which is being masculine". Which as you mentioned your father working and being very "career focused", have you noticed that when you wanna live a "purpose and mission filled life" you are living out the pattern you took on from your dad? And by the way I Am sorry for your dad not being there for you, all children deserve love from all their parents. We tend to misinterpret the ways we are treated often that when a parent isnt around it is our fault somehow. We then feel unloved and unworthy by that parent. And sadly enough when one parent doesnt love us, that parents approval we then crave the most... and then youre like "omg yeah sure mom loves me, whatever I want dads love." - See? Thats why there is 80/20 masculine feminine ratio! But it is the result of parental neglect. May you find the courage to face the feelings of your dad not being around, and find yourself with a renewed sense of inspiration and love for life, while embracing all aspects of life, not 80/20, but 100% of both sides! :-) As a child you deserved love, and when you didnt receive it, it was not your fault. Not even in the slightest, never.

Being raised by your mother actually doesnt say anything about your masculinity or femininity. Who was the dominant parent in your household is a better question.

Well embracing the feminine means - how many people will I hurt on the way on this path of mission and purpose? Can I uplift and embrace those I come in contact with, making sure that the energy of "what I wanna accomplish" isnt overly aggressive, always ensuring the greatest benefit for all parties included? Empathy, compassion, kindness, those are all qualities that every man can very happily embrace. If you dont, you might end up hurting a lot of people, never truly becoming vulnerable nor satisfied, because the masculine armoring will never let your passion out. Again its very simple, drive mission and purpose are all great and important things. THe feminine says, and how will I approach those endeavours? Which is a pretty important question, because the way you approach it will determine the way you are going to feel about it, which will then lead to you either being happy with your work, or miserable on the way. It will also lead to people being uplifted by you and around you, or shut down and competitive. The imbalanced masculine will look for competition where cooperation can be found. Also I have a feeling we both understand femininty and masculinity a little differently, so again in your head please what does it mean to be feminine?

@NoSelfSelf So for you, what does it mean to be masculine then?

@NoSelfSelf By the way it is no coincidence that meditation connects both of your hemispheres together. It balances out both aspects and helps you move through life efficiently yet with grace and compassion.

@NoSelfSelf Hey, masculinity and femininity has nothing to do with sex, gender or sexual orientation. Masculine and feminine are both aspects that include pivotal qualities for every human being (just like both of your brain hemispheres). The masculine is all about what you wanna do, achieve, accomplish or acquire. The feminine is all about, and how am I gonna do, achieve and accomplish all this? Which way will it be done? Will I be kind along the way? Will I be loving towards myself and others? Will I become more genuine and polite with each step? The masculine without the feminine, when the feminine is completely absence, it is one of those very driven people who will get what they want by any means necessary, almost a psychopathic way of living your life. The feminine without the masculine will have all kinds of airy fairy ideas and ideologies, but will be absolutely clueless as what to do to bring those into life. Nothing to do with male and female. Not even a little.

Mhhhhhhhm I love this metaphor. Often times the most brightly shining individuals struggle to find their tribe, it is because they are the stars, and as stars they must be apart to shine light into their own individual space in the sky, each star has a perfect place to illuminate, just like all lightworkers. Ogh thats just so lovely, thanks Nahm you made my night :-)

@Isaac Stamper Hey I feel you as a university student I have had similar struggles. I can only say from personal experience, when you are evolving in consciousness and you go to college, it isnt necessarily time to go and search for your tribe. It can actually be a stage that allows you to be conscious without needing other people around you to be as conscious as you are. It absolves you of codependency and reliance on other peoples behavior and conduct. Depending on how sensitive you are, it can be really hardcore so all my love is with you, and of course try to find a college that resonates. Trying to find a turquoise college is an impossible task. Even within one institution, there will be lecturers that will drive you insane with their orange mentalities, and you will be thinking "why do I have to sit here and listen to this fool talk =D", and then there will be some who can inspire you and uplift you and totally motivate you to do all the work. It is a mixed bag. Just allow this experience to mold you into the highest version of yourself that youre already well on your way to become :-)

This is such a great and important question. Maybe you will resonate with what im about to say. It is easier for us to love others than ourselves because we have been the ones who have been abandoned, neglected and not liked by others. Loving ourselves means facing the neglect within, which is actually a more difficult thing to do than give all of yourself away to others in a moment of seeming self-lesness, while it is actually the cultivation of self-denial. And to take it even a step further, for spiritual seekers who pursue non-duality, it can often be a subtle way of trying to run away from the "self" that has been neglected in the past, while refusing to face the neglect within. And so invitation presents itself, can I breathe within the heaviness, density and pain of my past neglect, daring myself to see if I will be able to survive facing this moment while bringing all my emotional wounds to the surface. And that is some epic-ass spiritual practice!

@Charlotte Thank you!

@Shin Well its a wonderful cultivation of feminine energy. But in all honesty, its the masculine mind trying to be feminine. to "earn its femininity license". That cannot work. The masculine has to step asside. Drop the guard, drop the inner protector, the one who seeks and the one who charges ahead and pursues spirituality. Drop his duty assignment, put your hand on your heart, and just breathe. Dont do a breathing exercise, just breathe. And with every breath, may you find more kindness, intimacy and genuine compassion within your being. May you be loved and adored for the innocent creature you have always been. May you bask in the energy that confirms that from your birth till now, and into the continuing chapter of your life, you have done nothing wrong. And perhaps all the "bullshit excuses" were all just cries of your own inner innocence to get your attention. And to them you can now say, I am here with you now, I breathe with you, I Walk with you. I see you, I honour you and I give you the attention you need.

@Charlotte OO thanks! I have a tendency to doubt my intuition especially because people often can get a little triggered when you pinpoint what is bloking them from opning up, it is always so healing when someone validates what I can feel and see. Thank you! :-) <3

Well would you mind sharing about how youre femininity grew and how you expressed it? Because I cannot help myself my friend but I can tune into you and what it feels like to me is that there is the masculine mind restricting your feminine heart from expressing itself.

@Shin and just to answer with the right context (even though the biggest thing in the conversation was the energy shift you have already accomplished). I totally respect the no-fap path, but the thing with these very discipline-based practicices (no-fap, self-enquiry) is that they are very masculine. The masculine energy within us is actually what gets in the way of real intimacy. So if we are talking about sex, I would encourage you to consider putting the no-fap strategy aside, and allow yourself to dive into the feminine energy of intimacy between you and your partner. The masculine without the feminine balancing it cannot be a lover. Not one that cares, caresses and pleasures the partners needs and connects on an emotional level.

@Shin oh I apologise I totally misread your question, my bad. At the same time I cant help but notice that you are now posting from a much more relaxed and genuine space. Mission accomplished I guess?

Sorry but then I am completely puzzled with your previous answer, I thought that you wanted to have sex only to improve for the next one, yet youre looking for love? Could you please explain this to me in a more elaborate way? I would like to know more :-)

oh cool been there done that. Go for it, I totally encourage that. I can share my own experience, the sex sucked and it wasnt genuine. And If I am being real, it cannot work, because you are cultivating a disrespect towards yourself and your partner by not being genuine with her, which actually deepens the wound of intimacy that stops us from expressing the love we truly have for the partners we connect with on a deep level.' That being said, if you still feel like you need to do it, I would definitely tell you to go on with the experience. However I would also encourage you to bring more honesty into your relationship. Spoier alert, the moment I did that with the former girl, the honesty was synonymous with break-up. And isnt that btw the most insane things we dudes carry around. Sometimes we are not sexually attracted to the girls we actually wanna be with because we are afraid of intimacy and once there is emotional connection, the sexual desire disappears! Like what the fuck body, right?! You give me boners for all those chicks I barely respect, and there is this GORGEOUS goddess, and all I wanna do is be with her, and the sex drive goes byebyeeeee. Did you know, that vibrators were invented in (I think 18/19th CT) because husbands werent willing to fuck their wives, because they couldnt have sex with someone they respected, and so they went to brothels for their own pleasures? The doctors who were seeing the women saw that they had a lot of issues, and here come vibrators. Isnt that super cool and super insane what so many guys experience and almost never talk about?! @Shin I expanded the answer

@Shin Well thats wonderful. Congrats on being an evolved spiritual being, the desire for liberation is quite a phenomenal sign of spiritual evolution. But we are not here talking about an enlightenment, we are talking about sex! And yes we could say sex has everything to do with enlightenment, be it from the tantric perspective, the perspective of union of two becoming one, creating oneness from duality, yes of course. And all those things are true btw. But when I asked what your desire is, I didnt mean what your long-term ten year plan is, if you know what I mean Lets put liberation asside, and would you please answer me the question of, what is it that you want in the bedroom with that person? What is the inspiration, the need, the craving? If nothing comes and it feels like "I wanna just experience some sex" or something of that sorts, I ask you to take in a few deep breaths, and listen a little deeper from what comes up from the inner voice of your heart.

So what is the desire? If you dont mind me continuing our dialogue.

I understand. If you would please allow me, I would like to offer a perspective towards what an egoic energetic dynamic my be taking place within you (and by the way no shame in ego, ego is a child to embrace, not something to dispose of). Independence is an important thing, just as detachment. At the same time, the ego can see the ideas of independence, and detachment and use them as tools of self-perservation. Every ego will always be afraid of intimacy, that is basically the core wound of all of us, a deep fear of intimacy, which manifests through a variety of patterns. In you, the ego that is afraid of intimacy started hiding behind spiritual ideas (that is why spiritual ego is a term), ideas like "detachment" and "I dont need sex", or trying to be independent and spiritual, when in fact there is a fear of intimacy. The good news is that you can surrender that tendency right away by allowing yourself to be in any which way with the girl it comes to be, not trying to be "superlover" by lasting hours on end, and not neglecting the sexual intimacy either. It is almost as if the ego uses spirituality as a way of "self-denial", because it has never had its needs met in the past, it tries to pretend that it is beyond its needs. But you certainly have needs, wants and desires that are absolutely valid and majestically important. Let yourself know what it is that YOU want, and invite deeper intimacy between you and your partner. May all the intimate moments that are already bound to come to you, make their presence known to you now. <3