Martin123

@Nick5050 Amen. Let life break you apart, over and over, the sands of time fill up your lungs and the heat of the sun burn you to death, and from ashes rise a new. The only thing that can ever stop this process is our fear of being broken apart. Surrender it now, and let the show begin. This was a great conversation, thank you.

why not

Well actually the imbalanced overpowering masculine energy is the pitfall of practicality. The feminine energy is the receiving part. Feminine doesnt mean for women, feminine means receiver, artist, intuitive. But if we all just take a step back from our masculine minds (whether we are male or female gender wise) and just allow our hearts to receive our attention, the gifts of inner transformation, creativity, renewal and innocence will start blossoming, like an ever-waiting seed, that was buried in the soil of our inner darkness, just waiting for the nourishment of our light.

Just receive. No practicality, receive your breath, receive your inner dilemmas, your pains, your emotions, receive the biggest insecurities of your inner child. Receive your own love and approval.

@Nick5050 Hey! Are we arguing? I didnt know so thanks for letting me know! So what youre saying there is totally true. However being able to receive has absolutely nothing to do with bitching around and playing the victim role. Thats not necessarily the best way I would go about it. You can primarily talk about feelings with yourself, and make thta a priority for yourself to meet your needs, and certainly not make it a job of your partner to meet them. While it is okay to share your emotional needs with anyone at all, we need to have the awareness that you are the primary recipient of your own needs. You are the one who fulfills your emotional needs for attention, love and affection first and foremost. And when time comes you can share with either a partner or friends some of your emotions, and they can help you and support you through those. But thats not the primary reason for the relationship you have with them, am I making sense? You can only play the victim for as long as there is someone else you expect to be there for you. You can no longer be the victim, once you are the one who is always there to support you.

Hi Nick! I know this is gonna sound totally batshit banana insane crazy. But just for the fun of contemplation, just for the joy of knowing the limits of your absolutely outrageous fantasy. What if men would be able to receive as well? I know... Insane isnt it... I mean who would be the warrior, savior, provider, accomplisher, king, ruler, the self-sacrificing male.... If he learnt to receive. What would that be like... I wonder.

@Mikael89 Hey Mikael, im totally with you, hands upright in the prayer position "May Archangel Mikale reincarnate as a female, prefferably an instagram model with 30k likes on every picture, being able to live a life of abundane and joy just by sharing her beauty with the world." And while youre at it, since youre a dude in this life, give a read to the thread I wrote, may you find the peace and joy of your inner acceptance blossoming within.

@Eric Tarpall Heyy! :-) Some time ago I wrote this thread and I figured it might be helpful. It is true that as males we are primed to be the ones who seem that need to work so hard in so many facets of our lives to even be deemed worthy in the eyes of females, and I empathise with you totally because it is a painful process. However it is not necessarily an invitation to turn and juged the women we so desire to be accepted and loved by, but it is an opportunity to look deeper within, to find the inner acceptance and embracement of ourselves that brings inner contentment with ourselves, and literally deletets the possibility of this dysfucntional codependent dynamic to be ever again played out in our reality. May you find this helpful. :-)

@luismatos Hi during those moments self-care and self-love are really important. And yeah sometimes its really hard to function. Also creativity as @Nahm is an extraordinarily useful practice in those times, especially when it comes to expressing emotionally. I really like playing piano and singing, also writing a gratitude journal and self-appraisal (listing the things I have done right when I am in spirals of unworthiness and low-self-esteem) are great tools. Honestly I can lie in bed for days when the emotional fatigue really comes. I dont work but I am a university student and its been very hard to keep up with that, but somehow I have managed so far. Also when it comes to work and day-to-day activities, their benefit is the grounding they provide. Its quite crucial. When it comes to family and friends, the relatinoship side of your life will always be affected, as the emotional debris being buffed out has the most to do with our relationships. Sometimes it is time to set boundaries, to ask for space, or even to ask for support and for some to listen about what youre going through. And sometimes it is time for certain people to leave your life. If anything it makes relationships very dynamic. Dont be shy to take time to yourself. Youre very young and so taking space from your family when going through spiritual transformation can spare you a lot of conflict. You see when were emotionally buffing out, the inner child within is (and it as every right to) will tend to blame a lot of family members... honestly because it has to, and it needs to be done. At the same time, when this happens we are not ready to be reasonable and lead meaningful and productive conversations with the people who have hurt us in the past. I am not gonna say take the pain you have gathered from your family and keep it to your self, because sometimes there is a lot of room for improvement in communication and reltionship dynamics. But when in moments of being emotionally triggered, it is not the best time for debating.

Thats true that in the end this is what happens, but in the beginning the left brain kinda has to go on vacation. Its kind of like when you look at it form a collective societal perspective and the historical and social aspects of it - The feminine energy (right hemisphere) needs to be allowed to rage free and dance free as the masculine takes the back seat, because the masculine dominated the feminine in the past to a brutal degree - were talking slavery, oppression towards minorities, women, children, artists and so on, and at the same time logic suppressing emotion, creativity, connection and open heartedness. If youre someone with a dominant mind over heart (left hemisphere dominating right hemisphere), allowing the heart being in the driver seat is what will do the balancing out. You dont wanna start with the premise that the two will have equal power. It has to come into harmony, as the masculine was dominant in the past, the feminine needs space to become dominant in order for harmony to dawn. btw Since my kundalini awakening, Its been a really big challenge to keep up with day-to day activities like doing school work, going to places, appointments, driving etc. - I swear to god, I used to be great at Maths, and for like year and a half I could not do it if my life depended on it, my brain wasnt getting it at all. - its all part of the masculine taking chillpill, allowing the feminine to rise to equal power.

@Anna1 Well then we’re on the same page. That’s amazing. I am so grateful to have been able to connect with your prescious heart.

I am inferrIng that you are worthy of living life mental-illness free. I am not saying it’s not real, but you deserve (I am not saying you should do this? I am saying you deserve) fully healed body and mind. Not telling you what to do, nor saying you are wrong In any way. I just wish to say what you deserve, and maybe a part of you can resonate with that.

Oh yeah that’s a long time ago! Haha that’s amazing I love that.

Oh I’m sorry for the pain of your past. I actually didn’t mean to suggest forfeiting meds at all, and I absolutely agree that it’s a responsible thing to take them if needed, I should have made that distinction right away. See I’m not saying that bipolar isn’t real, I am saying that there is room for recovery and healing. And not at all trying to lecture you, it is merely my deep desire to spark up hope within your heart.

Thats wonderful thank you for taking your experience with the condition and turning it into something thats helpful to others. And again, I encourage you to look within yourself, and find the part of you that doesnt give up hope, doesnt settle for a diagnosis, and is willing to be transformed and embraced as the glorious creation that you are.

Hey there absolutely is a spiritual component to this. If you think of ego not just as the identification with your body and mind, but also as the energetic, emotional and psychological components and patterns held within the nervous system and the cells of your body (DNA). The reason why I am saying this is that something within me just wants to scream any time someone has a deterministic view of a mental illness, and puts it into a category of "cant be solved with emotional transformation, must be genetic, learn to live with it". I think what many dont realize is that there is a lot of biological components to spirituality, awakening, transformation of emotions and thoughts - its all very much in the body. And so I would say that spirituality that nourishes the body, loves the body, embraces the body and the mind as divine creations will be enormously helpful and functional. It will be the self-care practices, self-love affirmations and embracement, relaxation and self-compassion that will do magic for you. What will not necessarily be too helpful is the "abandoning spirituality" (Its kinda trendy on the forum to be honest) - self-enquiry, dis-identification etc. And by the way to address the genetic component - ego are patterns that have been repeated throughout history enough times that they get ingrained into the DNA and culture (collective unconsciousness).

Hey, fellow empath here. What I feel like will be the most beneficial piece of advice for you is - Do not resist who you are. You are an empath, you are magnificent, glorious, sensitive kind soul. Quit anti-depressants and any other artificial substances that you could be using as a way of numbing down your emotions - drugs, alcohol, whatever there might be, and reclaim your natural openness. And I so deeply feel that deep inside of yourself, you know this, you know this so very well. You know that opening up towards your emotions is the gateway towards your own inner salvation. And so I ask you, stop putting it off. Feel now. You are not depressed (clinically speaking). Your nervous system is just processing the pain of the planet that dwells within you. Feel it now.

@Benoit Jazy Hi Benoit. I want you to know how deepty I empahtize with your struggle, and I want you to know that it is of great importance and courage just becoming aware of it. I wanna tell you briefly about the relationship with my mother, and how it has evolved over the course of my healing journey. My mom has always been a lot like you are describing. It was as if she pretended to love me and appreciate me, and then make it my job to meet her emotional needs. This is completely devastating to a child, and left me absolutely and completely twisted in knots. I didnt know what was happening, it was as if I was being lied to my entire life. I was incredibly insecure about my looks and my sacral chakra was reduced to ashes by what was done to me. This kind of dynamic leaves you in an interesting place where there are two parts of you, one of them knows that something is terribly wrong and that you are being mistreated, abused, and your boundaries are being violated to an insane degree. On the other hand, it looks like everything is fine. Mother does everything she is supposed to right? She seems to care, provide, support... what else is there to need? So why do I feel so weird about that? Why do I even feel like I dont love her? And why am I always blamed and made feel guilty every time I set a boundary for myself and want something other than she does? And so there I was, my entire childhood - what I was told was love, was merely a clever way of manipulating me into getting her way. It was so clever that everyone around her and around the family was convinced about how incredibly wonderful of a mother she was. It was so deep that she convinced herself. And yet there I am, feeling insatiable amounts of pain, insecurity, betrayal and mistrust towards my mother. And so I wanna suggest to you, what I know I needed to hear and realize for myself. Do what you feel you gotta do. Dont be afraid to trust yourself. It might even feel like you are betraying your mother or family, or like youre being a "bad child" right, but those are just the patterns of manipulation being buffed out of you emotionally. It is your birthright of reclaiming your own emotional needs. You are noones caretaker, you are noones servant, and especially not when it is applied to any of your parents. Nothing should be required of you regarding your parents, and it absolutely is not (as you said) your responsibility to carry their weight on your shoulders. That is merely your mothers incapability of escpaing the chains of codependency, that you have been entangled in throughout your childhood. Trust your feelings regarding your mother, and btw if moving countries is something you feel like will benefit you and give you time to recover from the emotional abuse, I would not see any problem in that (I personally moved countries and I am so grateful for the space it gave me to resolve my family trauma).

@Matt23 Hi Matthew. What youre describing is an angry inner child, which results in the "sabotage" part of your matter - the child wont let you have your success until you do it justice. You talked about your childhood and being bullied by your brother. The ways in which you try to discipline yourself - meditation, quitting porn, having a healthy diet, keeping your thoughts on track - it is almost as if there was a part of you that was taking the side of the people who have caused hurt, trauma and pain in your past, it turned into a critical inner bully, telling you what to do and bossing you around. And your inner child says - Oh fuck no! Give the pain of your past a voice, let it be valid, let it be truthful, let it be valuable. Let your inner child know that you care. Let your inner child know that it will not get the treatment it received from abusive people in the past, let it know that you will treat it differently. Dont try to silence your mind, meditate for hours or discipline yourself in rigid ways. Instead, if you wanna do a spiritual practice, sit down, tune into your body and give yourself permission to feel and think whatever arises within you. And let it be witnessed and valid. Moreover, let your inner child know that you are now willing to love it. Let it know that it deserves the love it never received in your pas. Let it know that the abuse is done, and nothing but appreciation, safety and love will come from you onto you - onto your painful emotions, onto your painful thoughts and onto all the things that seem to be barriers, blockages and saboteurs of your aspiration. Let your heart know that love is arrived within your being and it is not going anywhere until it swallows your personal turmoil whole.

@Tony 845 also just to be even more exact, it’s not like everyone who has gone through kundalini awakening has a 100% integrated ego. Every experience is different and everyone’s journey will have different ways of unfoldment. There are degrees of the healing that has taken place, and that’s precisely why self love is so pivotal. Once you embrace self-love it sends a message to your nervous system that the parts of you that haven’t felt safe to come out are now more likely to be met with compassion, and opens the flood gates to your highest evolution, and obliterates denial and avoidance.

Yes of course. People who don’t go through kundalini awakening will experience self-realisation without fully integrating their ego, it’s like an enlightened ego, it’s pretty hilarious sometimes when it is unbalanced. With kundalini, self-realisation is the byproduct of the integration process. That’s why there is no reason to chase after it.

I understand that you couldn’t care less, but sadly you don’t have a say in that. Let me put it this way, and I mean this only with compassion and respect to your journey. There is no way of stopping your kundalini process. There are options though. There are two ways your path and energetic expansion can unfold. There is the way of embracing your journey of energetic purging, harmonising with the forces of source within you that will carve you into your highest perfection, which unfolds by loving the parts of you that are being released. Then there is the option of trying to get it your way, and neglecting or going against the surrendered nature of god blossoming within you. I once read about a dude who had a kundalini awakening, and after about 9 years or so, he was still not done with the process. To me that sounded absolutely insane. And of course if there is a desire within you to try it the other way, unloving and determined drive for self-realisation and enlightenment, then it’s needed to live that out. Not living that out would be a form of resistance. However the awareness of the option to choose the loving path, is the necessary first step of your surrender. I’m sending waves of compassion your way, kundalini awakening is a very demanding and difficult process, may you have all the love and support you need.

@Sven magician never reveals his secrets!

@Aquarius hehe so glad it help, I had a hunch Be kind to yourself, there is a lot of energy in the air <3

@Tony 845 Hey Tony, you will save yourself a lot of trouble and pain if you make self-love priority on your spiritual kundalini path. The kundalini energy will bring up all past memories and traumas, patterns of neglect, abuse, and other experiences we carry in our nervous system and the cells of our body, it will light up the areas where any unconsciousness lurks, bring it up to the light of awareness and allow it to return to source energy. Love plays the most pivotal part in this process as this allows the trauma to get what it always needed and never got - never got from people around you, parents, friends, family or even the patterns that we carry ancestrally in our DNA. The most reliable teacher of self-love in general is Matt Kahn, you will appreciate him enormously especially if you count yourself among the more sensitive individuals on this planet. By the way has it awoken recently? There have been some massive energy waves hitting this planet this November, its been making my kundalini doing all kinds of things.