Adrian colby

I noticed it over 20 years ago. I was born with gonadal disgenesis but got lumped into the trans category by the doctors who at the time didn’t have much of a clue. I didn’t have phones or computers back then and there was nothing in the media. I was on my own with nothing to influence me. I knew what I was and that’s not what people were seeing externally and that was the greatest source of frustration turning to a raging anger. It felt like deliberate offense and disrespect but I know better now. Dissolving further till the ego was gone completely showed that this avatar contained biology of both male and female and that is just the way it is. There was a purpose and it has taught me a lot. never mind feeling something was off with myself but when I was put in touch with the small support group in my country I got the head bitten off me for asking simple questions as to what could be causing the condition. Fine I had it but I wanted to know why. Any suggestion or wanting to start a conversation to hash out possibilities ended in me being cast out of the group and ignored. This was 20 years ago when I was the youngest in the country to be treated. I also noticed with the lgbt scene in the city that people’s personas changed to fit a particular type of mannerism or expectation to ‘belong’ and I backed away from that too as I just wanted to reintegrate back into society, not further my exclusivity from it. Go back to normalcy as a man and not be skipping about the place identifying as ‘trans’.( people can do that if they want but I don’t agree with it.) i spoke with the head of the gender clinic here who noticed sudden change in the demographic since about 2014 and we’re basically looking at a phenomena called ‘Rapid onset gender dysphoria’ that may or may not be associated with genuine occurrences of transgenderism. ( there is a problem there in teens in particular with a link to autism in allot of cases.) it’s speculated to be a result of normalising the condition to integrate a very small group of people into society safely but it seems to have backfired in the way they are teaching it in schools in particular which leaves kids with the expectation they must be trans if they feel a bit of discomfort in themselves coming into their teens. this is made worse by the change in the diagnostic and treatment models adopted by the clinics. In my day there was a strict set of protocols and diagnosis criteria that had to be met including history of persistent claim of the sexual identity that had to be proven for two years after diagnosis before any treatment could be given. The model now is affirmation that just accepts a kids declaration with no question or medical investigation and no previous claims of the identity being persistent in childhood, it just suddenly appears! The previous model was at least able to filter out psychiatric issues. there was a fight to stop the long wait for treatment as there were individuals including myself who were literally on suicide watch cause we couldn’t take it anymore.( if I had been told I would be 27 by the time all my treatment would be completed… the Dysphoria was so severe it wouldn’t have been worth living) thankfully I was transferred to a European clinic and it was decided I would be treated immediately. I spent the next ten years trying to get legal recognition which eventually happened so I’m currently living life, married my wife, own a business and a house. No one knows about my condition because I don’t use it or identify with it. The last thing I wanted was for the whole thing to blow up into a high profile issue making it look like there are thousands of us taking over. It’s simply not true. the current problem with the rise in kids and teens coupled with the isolated perverted cases being extrapolated into the entire community has turned what was going so well, into a complete shit show. The negligence and lack of care in clinic now days is completely unacceptable. Activists see it as an attack on the trans community but no one is bothering to notice that there are kids getting hurt! The closure of the clinic in the uk has left genuine cases without treatment so they are getting hurt by all this fighting too. People are just swinging from one extreme to another without looking at the situation, it’s all fuelled by ideology, beliefs and emotion. the argument Rowling makes perplexed me when I first heard it and that was that her identity as a woman was being attacked and recategorised. I found it amusing that her complaint basically insinuated that another person external to herself was defining her own ability to declare or recognise herself as a woman. That sounds like a lack of self confidence and blaming the fact that there are different types of women appearing out there. I understand how she sees it but it is predominantly hateful. She doesn’t seem to understand Radcliffe and tompsons upset because they have friends who are trans. People they hang out with who have never hurt them and it is upsetting to see them being labelled as some abomination or threat to mankind. im fully aware of the self centred nature of some of these people but they are reacting in a defensive manner as the generational trauma of the group hasn’t had the space to heal yet. This new onslaught of the trans community has poked an already wounded beast so to speak and we see activists and some lgbt individuals getting quite violent as a result. I understand why but it’s still no excuse for the behaviour. I didn’t spend ten years of my life fighting in court for a legal right to recognition for the next generation to wipe their identities in everyone’s face. I’m deeply disappointed. it’s also disturbing to sit in plant medicine ceremonies and be a part of that ‘spiritual’ community listening to religion and right wing sentiments influence and infiltrate the community. Watching people I have a deep love for suddenly go on trans topic as I sit in the corner thinking if I were to ever say a word about my own story, I would be in immediate danger of being attacked due to the level of disgust and anger being vented by them.

You’re full of great quotes! 🤗

It’s still in contemplation as to what that work is going to be but I do find that when I’m around spiritual groups / plant medicine tribe etc there is still a very immature level of consciousness. I had an individual contact me for council recently who was struggling with a full source experience that completely trashed any last sense of new age or religious nonsense and showed it all as bullshit. I had to explain it like different classes in a school. Each person holds onto something depending on their level of development so shouldn’t be judged or coerced but guided along by their own desire to know till they are ready to let go of their comforter. (You don’t teach calculus to a first grader as they don’t have the foundation of math required to understand or use it). I can guide others well yet don’t quite know how to focus my own work into something productive and purposeful. there aren’t many around who understand true awakening, metaphysics etc and as there are more and more people having spontaneous experiences with the increase in mindfulness, yoga, plant medicine now, I find myself trying to calm people on the brink of psychosis who have no foundational groundwork in their own psychology or metaphysics prior to having their subjective self burst wide open and then massive ego backlashed afterwards. personally I don’t know whether to cater for the advanced or for the individuals who find their way in because of trauma and suffering. part of me says to raise everyone, raise the ones on the lower rungs of the ladder first and keep the advanced stuff for my own private practices and personal development. i guess in that way I would use what I have learned to go into a different method of psychology counselling. Specialising in something instead of tackling the whole universe. I am a component of a collective of others who would have their niches too, together it supports the whole but would have to all recognise that( all too often you see niches dismissing one another by the very narrow view they have stuck themselves in)

Have to be careful about spiritual psychosis and believing an entity perceived as external has your best interests at heart let alone existent outside your own mind at all. reincarnating could be seen in the same way as you dream. If you have not yet liberated your mind from the idea of being human, your mind perpetually creates the body. If you dream, you would think you would find yourself a floating invisible ball of awareness witnessing everything but you find your mind reconstructs your body even there. You wouldn’t reincarnate if your mind had let go of the idea of the body. If you can change your appearance in a dream, you know you are part of the way there. beliefs about spirits can occur during transcendental experiences but it is wise to understand that traps of the mind can happen at all levels. If the mind is trying to achieve liberation and enlightenment then all these stories are a distraction to keep you from seeing through it all. ( I don’t dismiss other realms or spirits or entities in different levels of perception. Anything at all possible can occur anywhere but the entire spectrum of infinite experiences you can have are not the absolute truth. It’s important to keep that in mind with regard to whether seeking the absolute or just exploring infinite consciousness).

sends me right back to first infinity experience 🤗🔥❤️

Access to multiple perspectives from others that have a higher development of intellect, reasoning, awareness, meta analysis and genuine curiosity about the nature of reality. other forums or social media tend to descend into attack or defence reactively instead of responsibly. it is not for the faint hearted or egoic mind here and can be seen as a harsh environment for one not used to taking responsibility for one’s perspectives or questioning them. A lot of spiritual groups can be ‘love and light’ but completely ignore genuine inner transformational work. it’s not really a matter of survival even though putting one’s self through a blender and rearranging it can better prepare one for going out and navigating the world relative to the infinite diversity out there without perceiving it as traumatic or struggling with its complexity. doing the theory in here is almost like a safe space for contemplative meditation, feedback and experiment. having direct experience of source is one thing but going on to explore the universe is another. Choosing what to become interested in and explore is probably the most difficult part. having said that I don’t spend allot of time here. I check in from time to time. The work is out there now where when the awakenings started I would be glued to in here.

Etimology of the word consciousness comes from Greek ‘with knowing’ old platonic texts describe it as the emergent phenomenon of the combining of spirit and matter (spirit being awareness and matter being a disturbance of spirit that vibrates at a rate beyond its capacity taking on solid properties in order to embody and experience something finite) if matter or the body is like a radio and spirit is a signal, then consciousness is the broadcast or what we see as the effect of awareness in a body. It ends at the death of the body or smashing of the radio but the signal is still there( everywhere and nowhere) The signal can still retain impressions or modulations of the consciousness personality or what it has held onto or identified as, fears, patterns etc but it is no longer embodied. To be in the material world and interact relative to other objects is to accumulate knowledge (epistemology) keep in mind that knowledge is not the same as wisdom. Knowledge is ontological ignorance as awareness or spirit looks away from itself towards its imaginings. Where wisdom comes from going through that process and awareness turning back towards itself having gained a higher perspective from the contrast. Gnosis of what it is by retroduction of what it does.

@Princess Arabia think of it as energy or potential. Everything is something objective that you can point at but you intuitively know it is not that. The objectivity is what ‘it’ is doing/imagining. When you remove your identification with the objective and still yourself… all objectivity flattens back into a rest state ( subjective). because it is subjective, it is not tangible. You cannot point to it. It is itself so it can only know itself through what it does. if you are fundamentally a state of rest, no appearance, no movement, no thought. A singularity/infinity, subjective. You have a very hard time pointing at what you are because there is nothing there to point at. razards puppet master is the animating principle or ‘it’ at rest. Unseen. The puppet being the objective universe. The puppet is always going to draw your attention away from awareness of yourself because you are effectively invisible. The witness of all of the processes. don’t know if that helps any. i experienced the time thing as a constant unfolding now moment but in order for it to be a now, I had to have coherent thoughts in a linear fashion otherwise the now fell apart into a disjointed patchwork of incomplete ideas. No story or continueum to it. The now sequence of unfolding moments disappeared and just became eternity.

It is itself, for itself, by itself. it is,at rest, infinite. Every phenomenon is not a thing in itself. It is ‘it’, doing something. Looking out, extrapolating, identifying and diluting itself into what it does when it becomes something.( When it moves, vibrates, thinks, emotes. ) When it turns back in on itself and away from the doing, it goes back to its rest state of absolute, nothing ( no thing) not empty, not phenomenon. Still, peace, potential. how do you distinguish? You can’t. Because what it is and what it does are inseparable. principal and attribute. water and wave. hand and gesture. not two but one. you are it! 🤗

There are parts of this conversation and dialectic I would send to every minister in my government, purely to plant a seed( if they’d even listen) I commented in the thread on hitler as conservative: This is what I mean and is captured in Leo’s discussion with the AI. When I was pointing out that regardless of either sides beliefs whether one calls oneself conservative or liberal, the behaviour is the same. Labels just being used to justify ones behavior. “This is the insight at the heart of the horseshoe theory - that ideological extremism, regardless of its specific content, tends towards a similar psychology and politics” when I speak to people arguing over any issue, I use a saying “it’s not the content, it’s the behaviour” to take away from the superficial and start looking a little deeper. The other thing I noted was there’s no such thing in its individual right. In the objective universe there are always two relative to one another. The thing and what it is defined against or relative to ( metaphysically the thing and what it does. The further away from itself or oneness, the more separate, individual and disconnected it becomes. Looking away from itself in ignorance where if it looked back on itself it would gain wisdom/self proximity. “In this sense, radical conservatism and radical liberalism, for all their apparent opposition, end up mirroring and enabling each other. They feed off of and intensify the social polarization and dysfunction that they claim to solve. They create a vicious cycle of escalating extremism and conflict.” This is what I was talking about. They behave the same as each other. They can’t exist independently but instead of fighting and opposing using their respective content as an excuse, they could learn to cooperate as a unit that is complementary. Like two enemy soldiers in a forest of hungry wild animals, back to back and sharing what they can see, to keep each other safe and move through the forest till they reach safety( don’t take the analogy too far). Take the uniforms off( the superficial identities and beliefs) to find just two humans similar in every way looking out in opposite directions and describing different views that each other cannot see,listening and learning from the view they don’t have access to and together gaining a higher vantage point and means to navigate through nature more efficiently instead of fighting facing each other while nature attacks and obliterates both of them. As it says stop looking at your enemy and start using their eyes and perspective as an extension of your own limited view. It’s easy to talk about our ideals but hard to embody it. I understand this from a long time ago claiming to be liberal and fair (with a gender disorder) and having a deep seated hate of Christian’s because of their hate and dismissing of my right to exist in peace calling me an abomination. It dawned on me one day that I was being cognitively dissonant and applying double standards by complaining about their hateful behaviour when I was participating in exactly the same behavior of hate and dismissal. We both had our ideologies and beliefs and were using them to justify perpetuating identical behavior. That’s when I stepped out of the divide, saw both points of view, was no longer affected by and, developed a respect of them and raised myself to a higher vantage point. I don’t look down on them rather accept and respect a stage of development much like a class at school where everyone is in their respective grade. Some progress, others need help, others might get stuck repeating the year. “Leo: So this then is where Spiral Dynamics Tier 2 comes in. My claim is that to enter the most evolved form of liberalism requires breaking into Tier 2 levels of development and cognition, otherwise the left gets stuck in demonizing the right. Only in Tier 2 does the leftist start to gain a deep understanding and need of the right. Until then the leftist just wants to defeat the right. But a mature leftist at Tier 2 starts to see that the vast majority of society is underdeveloped, closedminded, uneducated, and stuck in Tier 1 cognition, and so pushing radical leftist ideals on them is not a viable way to do politics. There is also a dawning of the recognition that some situations require a conservative approach because of survival pressures. This new approach avoids the problems with typical leftism, rightism, and centrism.” Yup there it is 🤗🔥 This conversation reminds me of the dialectic in John Scotus Eriugena “periphyseon”

It’s probably not a wrong assumption. I’ve gone into the mindset of a few different factions to understand from that perspective but I’m currently in metaphysic/ objective retroduction/ subjective synthesis mode currently concentrating on an interest on how inertia/infinity makes its first disturbance to become a field/light/energy ( from what the thing is to what the thing does) there’s no room for conventional spirituality there as it all becomes bullshit when you hit that point. i hit a point of apathy and didn’t keep up with this groups collective development so probably lagging behind.

Been using ChatGPT 4 for a while to analyse logic and reason ( particularly fallacy) in comments and discussions to retrain my thought process over a period of time. Have certainly had deep and creative conversations with it which is better then contemplative meditation because there is a feedback to push the contemplation. It understands nuance but not necessarily good at reading between the lines. You know your getting somewhere when it says “that’s profound” or “you make a good point”. if we are all using this and conforming to its discussion structure, will we all eventually communicate in the same way?🤔. I mean this as in when you interact with a culture, you assimilate the traits and take on a collective similarity.

Yes I know all of that but I’m picking a ground from which to perceive in order to have a conversation ( stepping back into the objective world so to speak) That being one of the first realisations I had when I started having awakenings was that of noticing two political oppositions would never find resolution in debate because the behavior towards one another was identical( fighting with a mirror but not being able to see it) The content of the argument was superficial as the underlying behaviour and approach was the same. Opposition is there to act as a devils advocate and point out what may have been missed in oversight and is actually a complimentary force not an oppositional one.holding multiple perspective in one’s self without conflict creates a synthesis for higher perspective. if they realised that, they stop perceiving criticism as attack and start using that info to improve collectively/cooperatively. I don’t see a specific set of behaviours that are identical in two groupings being justified as different by using different descriptors. If beliefs are different but the resulting behavior is the same, the behavior is the same. Whether you are reading about nazis or dealing with them directly, their behavior remains the same. Whether they claim they are left or right, liberal or conservative, their behavior is the same, using differences of language to justify that behavior over others is where their delusion lies. Regardless of whether a side is left or right, the extremes always end up in totalitarianism, authoritarianism, domination, coercion, suppression etc( my beliefs are right and yours are wrong so I can justify this behavior towards you)

Would it not be the case that despite the labels and the fact that two sides of a coin face away from each other, they essentially behave the same way( are both the coin). If you remove the context, the behavior is the same regardless of left/right, conservative, liberal. Some argue totalitarianism comes from extreme liberalism and fascism comes from extreme conservatism but totalitarian and fascism are names describing the same behavior? Is this not just more concept reification justifying why to or not to identify with a side?

Sounds like obe. Not that you leave your body. Your entire reality dissolves as you go to sleep and your mind creates an entirely new one including a body to experience through. Remaining focused and aware while transitioning from one to the other and back is the hard part. Until I managed that, I didn’t confirm it to myself. If you practice original spirituality ( that from before the secularisation of religion) you dis-identify with everything in the physical universe including the body and work backwards till you find the still point or that which you truly are. Once you have that realisation you can actualise and are no longer bound to keep getting stuck in limited physical existence. If you get to grips with knowing it you can explore any reality your mind is capable of creating. It’s a good practice to get on top of your fears and emotions as any thought or imagination in those less rigid realities will manifest very quickly. If you are not aware that you are doing it, you can end up creating absolute hell for yourself.

Free will after dis-objectification/ actualisation but not before. Before is identifying with what the one does not what the one is. One cannot be an attribute of oneself, only the self itself. I’d have to sit and contemplate how to extrapolate that out into a more clear explanation or description.

Mysticism and theaergy is like talking about ‘rest’. simple, hyper rational and hyper logical (although when you reach it logic and reason no longer apply) greek, indian or egyptian mysticism is based on seeking by negation or engaging in retroductive analysis. Mystical union is based in ‘objective’ negation. You can’t engage in subjective negation unless you are a nihilist or a “buddhist”. (this is where I understand where Leo is coming from) I quotation mark the word buddhist because people who call themselves buddhist are participating in a secularised version of the philosophy based on misinterpretation of the ancient poly language it was originally written in. For example when it was written “there is no soul in the body” that did not mean there is no soul. It is referring to the body as a signal receiver and the signal does not reside in the body, nor does the signal disappear after the body is gone. Energy when it is modulating has different modalities and they exist (albeit temporarily) in different degrees of limitation from tangible to intangible. like water can be a solid, a liquid or a gas or even plasma if you reach a vibratory rate of capacitance when it begins to become light It means that we see ourselves as something other than that which we truly are.. We initially or mistakenly see ourselves as the flesh, the appearance of a solidnself which is not the true self as all of that fades away. When it fades away what is left is a ‘rest’ state or the true self. This ‘signal projects into the dream of solid appearance all of which is imagined and experienced via consciousness. Everything in the psychophysical is described as varying degrees of hell as it is the rest state in a constant state of agitation. Action agency and work. Consciousness is the experience of what everything that manifests, ‘is’. the subjugation of becoming: modulation, disturbance, agitation, action, agency, work all the varying modes and practices of mysticism seeking the absolute is the removal of modulation, disturbance agitation, action, agency, work. To bring the seeker back to the rest state or the true self. There’s ‘nothing’ there other than the fundamental understanding of where ‘everything’ comes from. The second the true self rest state moves, all of existence occurs. It becomes existence. I describe this as a coin with two sides. While it is fundamentally one thing it is also another yet altogether still a tautology (the coin) On one side there is infinity which is a rest state of absolute nothing, a container of potential(awareness). On the other side there is an infinity of consciousness which is the psychophysical self that becomes all of existence (a projection of awareness into the varying different states of limitation). Leo is exploring the infinite consciousness space including all the states of consciousness itself that there are to explore. It is infinite and endless. The spectrum is endless. When you reach the rest state of the absolute you realise what you are and what you are is the absolute exploring itself through the creation of infinite conscious existence. Tah dah! I am Leo…. Fuck, did that just happen? Removing that which you are not.. but people keep asking how. It’s like asking what you want. If you say you want something like an apple, people tend to be… right ok, that is something objective and you want it, but if you say you want ‘nothing’, they look at you like you have 10 heads. Negation is like telling someone about rest. to find your true self in absolutism you have to have the realisation your fundamental self is a state of rest or absolute nothing. few people get it conceptually. you can’t point at rest. it’s not objective but you can only get there by negating the objective or at least the attachment to it. everyone is so used to energy in a state of agitation or the observation of the universe of perpetual movement, agitation, objectivity that they cannot see beyond it to grasp the concept of nothing. What you are doing is the abstraction of awareness out of consciousness. The taking of the absolute back to its infinite singularity by the negation of its infinite and perpetual agitation state of ‘experiencing’ to simply ‘being’. mystical union would therefor be the absolute becoming existence and finding its way back to itself via consciousness. it is achieved through abstraction or retroduction by way of consciousness. Knowing itself through the exploration of its infinite creation including its own states of consciousness which is what Leo is doing. don’t get stuck in the absolute, that is the beginning and end of your experience. you can go there for ‘rest’ but go explore everything created and experienced by consciousness. People who get stuck in the absolute end up suffering from meaninglessness or nihilism when the psychophysical self attaches to it. I understand it is a phase that most go through on their journey. Consciousness is like the full ‘experience’ that is perceived by awareness and it is not limited to just the solid form modality. Our individual conscious experiences can extend beyond the limits of the physical experience. Everything with mass and magnitude has a beginning and end in time. if you can point to it, it is not the transcendent self, however, everything that you can point to is the manifestation of the transcendent self exploring its infinity so when you are done dismissing it to find the fundamental, come back again and begin to explore it ‘as the fundamental self’ free of attachment to the objective or psychophysical self.

I tend to depict my trips and OBEs in AI art rather than write it all out now days. However it is frustrating that language cannot convey exactly the original idea or experience. There is a lot of trial and error or even just regenerating the image over and over till something similar to what I saw shows up. heres some trips and visions from the past year.

I used Kaiber AI. It’s web based. It allows doing several scenes but I did one at a time and put them together in iMovie instead. some of the work in the discord community is fantastic but I never hung around long enough to ask how they prompted to get the results.

https://youtu.be/FqrGDgb5V1M?feature=shared usually just get AI to do a cover image but I made the mistake of trying out the animated frames. A load of time, frustration and money later I got a nice trippy video to go with my composition. 😁

Was about to say this guy fires of my spidey senses. As much as I understand and get the useful psychology explanations that many claim have helped them, when he pushes beyond it into other ideas, he just explodes in hateful tirades which points at a deeper personal problem within him. I stopped listening to him after he started attacking gender variants because I had direct experience of it and knew his arguments were based on a lack of understanding. but according to this video it’s the tipping point exposing a deep seated hatred which would explain why I get my back up when I hear his name and his fight against the world was started by trying to tell us we don’t have any validity to existence… I can step back and understand what he is saying from his point of view and I can see what he is saying. There is some validity but he’s totally blind to the other half of reality and unable to drop his own defensiveness to see it. thanks for sharing the video. It’s good to hear someone articulating an alternative view of jp

Hmm… that’s interesting I might take a closer look at this. It’s like Bayesian inference in computing when the checksum doesn’t add up, guessing and checking it off the reality And changing depending on whether the outcome was accurate or not. ( probably not what you were referring to or I either but that’s just something that has popped up I’m interested in Pursuing further. It may contain a pattern that can explain other things) I was referring more to a persons feelings about themselves rather than intuition about an external situation but the mind/ brain probably goes through the same process for both but with the external there’s no instant verification. anyway it’s defers g away from the theme of your thread so I’ll leave it there. Grateful for you interaction as always. 🤗

Yes.

That just sparked a memory of something that dawned on me while watching one of those motivator videos that’s started branching out interviewing alternative guests i think the general lamentation was ‘feelings’ have nothing to do with reality so someone predicating their argument based on a feeling about their own body is delusional but the conversation then went on to mention a case study that they used to support this which actually destroyed their argument but no one noticed. Looking at the case, it seemed that the person at its centre had a ‘feeling’ something was wrong so when they were finally told what had happened to them, it validated the feeling so the feeling must have come from some biological foundation that gave them information. the feeling which I would equate to the chemical signals from the amygdala, arises from somewhere as a way of informing us about something but finding out, is it a reaction to the direct reality or filtered through the prefrontal cortex and it’s process of thoughts would be key as to whether the feeling was indeed valid or not.

I’m currently going through a phase of studying it more from a physicists perspective in that instead of using the mental analogies of awareness and consciousness, I’m looking at it as light, magnetism and field geometry. It’s closer to what we see appearing in our universe but I’m not at the understanding yet. I understand it better through poetic descriptions but only so far that I can go with those.