Adrian colby

It’s synchronistic for me that Leo posted about the sovereign movement on his blog now. I came into spirituality/personal development after a sober awakening experience that happened after a conceptual/reality deconstruction process about 5 years ago. I find it interesting to learn about the different perspectives and mindsets that people get into and in the interest of staying with “direct experience” I had the opportunity to get into one of these groups ( in Ireland) and so I thought I would contribute what I witnessed. while the sovereignty movement is associated with the libertarian movement, the libertarian movement often gets into trouble with “the system” because of an entitled, uninformed or dualistic mindset accompanied with a lack of taking personal responsibility. In a lot of the American videos on YouTube, the individuals have committed an act against another person and in some cases ‘murder’. They use the sovereignty argument to try and shirk personal responsibility for their own behaviour. to me, it’s quite clear that ‘the system’ is there for a reason and it is part of what holds societal structure in a moderate balance. People with a lack of personal development and inability to see or be aware of unity or interconnected effect, do need to be ‘managed’ to prevent havoc and this system has been build up over centuries of trial and error and continues to change to achieve and improve this. part of the sovereinity story or narrative is that there is a different interpretation of biblical (Christian) symbolism and they believe it is referring to the legal/lawful system which has a division between land based law and sea based ( maritime) law which is currently being used on land to militarise containment of the people who are seen as ‘corporate’ ( dead) bodies signed over or registered to the Roman Catholic Church. There’s a bunch of papers and frameworks that are described basically describing a process of handing one’s identity over to a corporate body at birth and identifying with the registered ( dead ) entity unknowingly. the person I came across in Ireland ( unfortunately through ‘spiritual’ circles) seems to have understood the legal structure within the paperwork system in this country and has de registered himself from the system ( from public to private) by claiming a natal name of himself as a living entity devoid of family name which is the fathers and not his. He has been in the courts and claimed jurisdiction by implementing his own estate, status as postmaster ( postal system) and somehow managed to win and set a precedent which other sovereign citizens use to reference when they too go through the process. There’s a specific way that legal documents are drawn up, stamped and the language also used to write them. He has done paperwork for everything from his natal certificate to revenue, motor tax, council rates and even the car he drives which he managed to get the state to pay for… when he is stopped by the police here, his paperwork is always present and immaculate and his manner is always “honourable” and he is let go on his way. He schedules meetings with government ministers, or civil servant and the police super intendants in his local area to be transparent about what he is doing. He holds a “talk club” where he teaches people to go through the process and discuss other projects of tackling the system where there is regular feedback about how a project or court case is going. So far it looks like he has genuine private diplomatic status registered with a police department that does and does not exist or at least the police head is not allowed to confirm the presence of the department. so it would seem ( by appearances at least ) that if someone shows they act honourably and responsibly, that the system will let you go. This is in stark contrast to the videos of court cases where genuine criminals are simply using the movement to get away with crimes against others. its at this point I’ll say that this is either the case of this individual has created a status and paperwork that fits so snuggly with the current legal system that officials simply don’t know what to do with him so they leave him alone if he’s not causing any trouble. But it has been reached through trial and error as there was no way to know initially if the process was going to work. and now I move onto my own intuition and expand beyond the idea that is being peddled by this guy. I sit and listen and watch and feel the energy in the room. If someone asks a question that challenges the ideas he’s putting across, he immediately changes his demeanour from one claiming love, spiritual development, honor and personal confidence ( law of attraction stuff) to a person who is belittling, bullying, projecting, claiming the questioner is lowering the vibration of the room ( when the energy only changed with him), claiming he predicted it by “knowing it was coming” and then using his own interpretation of biblical/ spiritual texts or beleifs about Masonic rituals against him in the courts being the reason the questioner was negative or attacking and he then uses that to justify what I could best describe as disgusting behaviour towards the other person. It’s fear based, dualistic and conspiratorial thinking using the bible and the movie the ‘matrix’ to justify these beleifs. it’s an interesting perspective and I understand his reasoning behind removing such people from his talk group because I can see it too, but it all feels wrong. a person claiming to help, doesn’t have a drastic emotional reaction to a question and bully them so badly they leave the room in tears. I’ve spend many hours outside the building trying to build peoples confidence, self worth, happiness and well-being back up after such incidences as that’s part of my chosen purpose in life. To help people understand their mind and get back to their life purpose, passion and joy of the experience in this life. after a couple of incidences like that, I walked away from it altogether as there was nothing more to learn and I had seen enough. I do think at some stage, the ‘system’ will find a way to pull him in on securities fraud but the way he has set himself up in the legal framework of this country means he’ll probably get away with it. Each court case he wins, he clears a back door entry into the system that looks like it would eventually destabilise it and make it crumble. I don’t think that is a good thing but I’m waiting to see what happens. as far as the sovereignty movement in Ireland is concerned, someone seems to have actually cracked it. im pending information about his meetings with ministers and police chiefs so I can go into the offices and verify it for myself if these meetings have actually taken place there's one thing I notice about the last 5 years and that is ever increasing infiltration of religious rhetoric and conspiracy into the spiritual or personal development community. I think this is because of the transrational fallacy. id be interested in others perspectives or if my own experience of this can open up another perspective that’s not seen from this movement.

We start by identifying in the ego and it wants to be the same or part of the crowd for its survival, socially, animalistically. when consciousness evolves in the individual or there is an awakening to the nature of awareness observing a dream with infinite possibility, it would follow that to be ‘different’ or unique would be to cover one aspect of exploration of experience to be that as awareness ( in another individual) is already experiencing something else so why would it seek to experience something that it is already experiencing in another being.. if I am an infinite mind and I am experiencing a Hispanic dentist here, why would I duplicate it there when I can experience an African arts major over there instead. the persona typing now has no desire to follow or copy trends or others but to accumulate the experiences it likes, the looks and occupations it feels passion for and the relationships it can be challenged and grow from purely as an expression of its subjective nature. It’s uniqueness contributes to the multiple perspectives that awareness has access to. when it was fresh and stuck in the mind trap of the ego, it wanted to emulate and even be others it aspired to be like. Now it is itself and unique in its own right.

@SamC it depends on how honed your mind is. Some can get intellectual insight out of it while others can’t. I personally had the direct experience of how the mind imagines things into existence and what exactly the masculine and feminine energies are. The sequence of how undivided oneness breaks appart creating grater complexity as it delves deeper and deeper into justifying g the existence of each subsiquent level of consciousness. However once I learned that, any substance, even alchohol was able to do that, as long as it subdued the body. The stronger the beleifs in how damaging the substances are, the more the mind creates that reality. It’s difficult to hold a perspective because on the infinite side it’s just a beleif but in the human side it is certainly a brain cell damaging drug if used in an indulgent way. There’s plenty evidence showing that in the studies.

@Tristan12 hi tristan12: when psychedelics open your mind, you see the light ( symbolically speaking) when you come back to life here, you are in an enlightened state where everything is balanced. The ego and your old thought patterns which may still be unknown or unconscious /subconscious to you, will creep back in a few weeks or months later. That’s why the contentment disappears and thus is because you haven’t caught the ‘thoughts’ that lead to the emotions that make you feel like the world is not worth it. It is inherently meaningless but that’s not because it’s cold and dead, it’s because it is a blank slate for you to ‘create’. If your thoughts are negative or self deprivating, the associated emotions will follow. Don’t put responsibility in the psychedelics, take responsibility back for yourself and regain your own power. Turn that ‘love’ back on yourself. Use it to heal yourself from the inside. Allow yourself to l really love yourself again and regain that independent confidence. Regardless of what is going on around you, build the strength within. Liberate your mind from its negative thoughts and generate something positive for yourself. From that place of personal contentment you can venture out and create a purpose of passion for yourself. Don’t mind what others say to you at this time. You can deal with that later. Find something to love and be passionate about again. I understand completely and also feel this desire to leave the human life behind but there is so much to do here and this life is so short it will be over in the blink of an eye. You can teach all you have learned while perusing something you love.just love yourself first. And remember the universe loves you too. In oneness, I love you and hear you.

@Reciprocality it would be like ‘beauty’. It’s universal in that beauty is what one finds sensorily pleasing which would be a universal principle that is shared but when it is down to the personal, it is individuated by preferences ( what one finds beautiful, another does not) it is a result of separation to make distinctions and one could certainly become more universal by aligning with the ‘principles’ or archetypes. enlightenment in the platonic sense would be the return journey from transcendence with the wisdom of oneness and the process of integrating that with the lived experience by holding the universal principles so that preferences such as extreme dualities do not occur. Making extreme distinctions causes further separation. It’s tricky to master that but if it is held for long enough, the extremes collapse and one lives in a more balanced or enlightened state. certainly everything around is complexity out of oneness but it is still just a hall of mirrors. When someone reacts to me, it is not just their personality but a reflection of my own as well. Both sides are reflecting. When you are conscious of your own and you start to see your self in others by way of their reactions, you develop a mirror consciousness where there is only one looking at itself. Your post title caught my attention as I’m just beginning reading ‘monad’ by gallow glass books. It’s a collection of platonist as translated by Thomas Taylor. I’m not great with old English so I was getting it analysed and re written in ordinary modern English as well as querying some terms used that I don’t understand. As I contemplated and questioned, I decided to slowly study page by page with a contemplation on each and ended up making a distinction between transcendence and enlightenment. One being the seeking if the absolute and having the experience of the one and enlightenment being the return journey into the lived experience with the task of balancing the virtues till duality collapsed and a permanent state is achieved that allows bringing the principle of oneness as a unity with the person while integrating it into the lived experience where all is understood and preferences are still made but not because one identifies with but rather that the preference induces a certain desired experience. Not being manipulated by the experience but rather directing it consciously.

I’m grateful for Leo’s style or approach to spirituality or how I like to call it ‘deconstruction of reality’ by a more logical/rational/critical approach of contemplation of subjects. This meant that it wasn’t as painful as it could have been. having an expanded vantage point makes it easier to understand why people are the way they are and it also makes it easier to feel love for them.

Mental illness is when a person cannot function in their daily life. A lot of people with alternative identities are high achievers, educated, intellectual. allot of the ones in my country that make it into the media have their own businesses. a persons identity doesn’t ‘lead’ to mental illness but the way other people treat and dismiss them because of it can lead to mental distress. for a person who has a hormone imbalance either because of a simple imbalance or a sexual development disorder, the distress is a result of the brains inability to regulate mood, cognition and behaviour. This is a biological cause and not a result of a persons identity whether they have adopted it later in life or have always used it. the only exception to this is ‘rapid onset gender dysphoria’ which is when a teenager, who has no prior history of cross gender identification suddenly develops dysphoria at puberty. These people, if treated incorrectly or misdiagnosed as transgender, often de-transition when they reach their mid 20’s. The reason they report they become dysphoric is because they cannot meet the expectations of the stereotype they are expected to conform to by their society or culture ( for example a male who is exposed to the typical image of muscled, tall, strong, chiselled features, big dick, specific job, social role etc) if they don’t meet this they feel inadequate and worthless. Severe feelings in this area can make someone dis identify with their gender and or sex altogether and associate with the other because they can’t cope with the pressure of conformity. This is not transgenderism or anything to do with the other gender identities. It is certainly not caused by the list of gender identities. It is caused by social pressure to conform to unrealistic traditional stereotypes. Right wing affiliated celebrities and media channels give these people a platform to tell their stories and bring attention to the problem with the inability of gender clinics to tell the difference when diagnosing them ( this is old now and allot has been changed in the way the clinics filter the patients. I’m directly aware of this as I have spoken to physicians in clinics in my country and in Europe ). Media and celebrities exploit these people and use them to push the idea that this is the case for all people who present with a gender issue. It’s being used to dismiss the validity of sexual development disorders as if they are the effect of mental distress. It’s utter nonsense and has no evidence to support that claim. It’s been used to turn people against a minority for nothing more than fear and ignorance. so no the 50+ gender identities out there do not result in mental illness. There is nothing out there to support that theory.

It has been interesting seeing and understanding it from the inside. Going from atheistic to spiritual has revealed the level of self deception that everyone falls into. Being a left progressive hating the right and suddenly aligning with the right ( not identifying as) and hating the idiocy of the left but also transcending both to see and understand both perspectives to synthesise a higher vantage point and understand the dynamic leading to a love and acceptance of it all. Personal development and spirituality with hyper logic and reason alongside allowed me to remain vigilant but the one thing that showed me how delusional the spiritual community were was when my own beloved community started attacking people with gender disorders ( in conversation and debate) while I was sitting right there and known to them. It became clear that there was ‘religious’ infiltration of authentic spirituality which has slowly got worse over the last 5 years. Influence of individuals highly susceptible to belief who could be swayed by panic and fear despite the reality of the situation being a direct experience of me that had never caused a single problem… just thrown out the window with not an ounce of critical contemplation for a ‘let’s wipe them off the face of the earth because of the ‘agenda’ conspiracy. It was so easy for them to just play traitor to their values of live compassion and understanding. I love old Greek philosophy which painstakingly and methodically worked back to the ‘agathon’ ( source/infinity) using hyper logic and reason. Like platonic retroduction or the neti neti method. It was a very fast and intense pathway to having the elusive, sober glimpse of enlightenment. something I’ve been revered for teaching in my community and constantly tackling to bring them back into balance with. my personal battle is not devolving into any negative or judgmental mindset that would be associated with my characters predicament. At the end of the day, no one knows other than if I tell them which means it only exists as an idea. The reality is as I present to the world and even that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I remain balanced and continue to teach and encourage love compassion and understanding. If something is not known it is better to learn about it than become fearful and eventually hateful. It is all allowed and each individual won’t be coerced as it is their inherent right to just be until a time they are ready and enthusiastic to learn and discover, to become endlessly curious about everything. To find out how it works instead of forcing it to bend to their way. we learn and we teach but we never coerce a child to move beyond their educational level( people in general) and I found a lot of peace in that.

I’ve long been aware of identity being a false attribute to my existence owing to ‘The ship of Theseus’ philosophy. I’m embodied in an ongoing and ever changing ‘process’, a pattern that arises, stays moderately coherent and then will one day disappear into a larger pattern ( the earth and eventually back to stillness) so attaching a rigid concept to this doesn’t make any sense to me. clinging rigidly to an identity including a gender identity has been one of those limitations I’ve overcome on my journey and yet, to some extent, for the purposes of interacting with others ( or the preference/story/dream I participate in) I have had to conform to recognisable social and cultural concepts in order to be accepted and integrate into my local humanity. ( play a character or a role, as you will) This body is both biologically male and female but in order for it to be medically healthy, it has to adhere to the sex of its neurology and the feeding of receptors with the correct ratio of sex hormone that aids in the regulation of mood, cognitive function and behaviour. When this was not being treated, the level of ‘dysphoria’ was severe. ( it’s one of the main reasons that many sexual disorders are treated with HRT ) this manifested in the extreme expression of a ‘man’ gender identity and role to the absolute obliteration of anything feminine or female. This was a behavioural backlash to the constant dismissal of masculinity, lack of acknowledgment of masculinity, and constant insistence of femininity by others. You could say I was overcompensating for the ignorance of others which wasn’t psychologically or spiritually healthy. I knew at an intuitive level that my neurology was male and it was said to doctors and therapists several times before it appeared in research. over the years, things such as genetic mutation, neurology and in my specific case, gonadal dysgenesis were confirmed when I was both treated and participated in ‘transgender’ studies at various hospitals in Europe. my goal was to get treated, get healthy, get stable again, and integrate back into society( get on with life as ‘normal’ as possible). This meant NOT conforming to LGBT culture or creating a new identity. It was ‘man’ and nothing else. if I wanted to be accepted as being male then why would I go around claiming to be transgender or any of the 50+ gender variants and expect to be treated normally? It never sat well with me why the others did thus but I do understand now, why that is. My social and sexual role was to be complementary opposition to my female counterpart which I did very successfully until I started going through awakenings and the healing began. The fight to be accepted led to toxic masculinity and a spoilt ego. As I started to target methods to discern what was true, I tore the self apart and ended up facing infinity/ void/ awareness, whatever people like to call it and everything became clear. The structure and meaning to humanity was clear. I see myself at three layers. The ultimate awareness that encapsulates everything including the smaller more focused awareness that sees from an individuated vantage point ( everyone and everything is ultimately this when they contract consciousness back to pure awareness. There is no distinction, we are all individuated expressions of this one having a discovery of experiences) The second layer is a biological process that has manifested in a both male and female form ( even though allot of surgery has been done to align with the male, there is little to nothing female left). Even after glimpses of enlightenment, this has not changed as it is the form that this one is experiencing, choice or not. It is fully embodied, enjoyed and celebrated. And then the third layer is the identity through which it interacts, relates to and distinguishes itself, uses to navigate life, its preferences and choices to have experiences to learn and grow from. ( the little persona or mask that moves from one experience to another) . The personality is recognised as fluid as in behaviour/beleifs/epistemology and it is not so rigidly set that it cannot change that if something is not working and needs to be changed. ( I could elaborate into the self decepted or delusional but I won’t discuss it here as I think it’s part of a ‘lost’ or dominating ego pattern less present after awakenings or personal development) identity can be anything to distinguish someone apart from others for the purposes of interacting/ relating but the stress of rigidly clinging to it and constantly trying to defend creates a historical trauma or habitual bad behavior towards others. This is where so many go wrong and end up as entitled spoilt brats or the generic description of woke. the woke have realised owing to their stage of cultural development that they have been living in a conceptually constructed matrix and while trying to liberate from it, have trapped themselves in a more expanded range of identity. i don’t see it as wrong, rather, it’s part of a stage that the culture will grow out of eventually and as you say, people will eventually come to terms with the universe expressing itself in infinitely diverse ways and no labels needed cause you can’t categorise infinity. There are those that use gender identity to describe their personal and there are those who use it to describe their underlying biological manifestation ( which is not always just male or just female) perhapse the 50+ categorisations are an attempt by individuals to express that their biology is simply not the same as the next person and the ego really needs justification for that existence?

https://youtu.be/QSvnihB1jZ8?feature=shared mirror by sine latest to blow me into infinity during an unsuspecting trip.

to answer the question of why would god forget? When I lost my ‘I, let go of everything, everything dissolved. The void of No thingness ( awareness) had to reconstruct reality from scratch to get back into it.( it took what seemed like forever and each and everything was meticulously thought out). I came across ‘belief’ or ‘self deception’ as a reality creation tool. In order to imagine a reality and project myself back into it to experience it in a coherent, consistent and linear manner, I had to ‘believe’ it was real to hold it in consciousness. ( con=with science=knowing) that belief or ontological self deception is why I as a human, forgot who I was as the god or awareness. I did it to myself as I expanded from a singularity into consciousness and as I focused and solidified into a distinct and separate expression of that one. Each and every time I reincarnate into a solidified reality, I do it. And I forget. when you know you are a spectrum of infinite states of consciousness, you keep dissolving if you can’t focus and hold it. Belief( self deception) help hold a consistent state to experience something meaningful. i make a distinction between awareness and consciousness where awareness is a singularity or source of potential and consciousness is the god head or mind/ocean that forms out of that awareness. From that ocean forms patterns or the appearance of solidity triggered by the ripple of thoughts. When awareness becomes aware that it is aware, it is creating a feedback of ‘knowing’ on itself which is consciousness. we remember when we stop and become self aware and do inner work. prior to that we are always focusing awareness outward and expanding, grasping at the experience believing it is a world ‘out there’. this is not a rationalisation or logical conclusion but something I experienced directly when I unintentionally dissolved back into no experience.

A look at identifying self deception using an intermittent commentary of video of Jordan Peterson as an example. Also pointing out Leo’s self deceptions when pointing out Jordan peterson’s self deceptions. a helpful guide to identifying what self deception looks like in a real world scenario.

@Schizophonia and what if my penis was removed because of cancer? Am I no longer a male or no longer a man? Can I not perform my social role without it? and what if I was a female at birth who naturally developed a penis in their teens? ( yes it happens! There are populations in new Guinea where this happens and it’s common enough that it is considered normal to give birth to a girl and have it spontaneously turn into a boy) natural sex change in a human. this comes down to the same thing over and over again. Trying to pigeonhole reality into man made constructs to force the infinite diversity of the universes exploration of consciousness to become a limited sameness. It is already that at its core or source ( awareness) so why would it do that when it expands into infinite consciousness?

DSM doesn’t have all the answers and only attempts to distinguish symptoms ( mistaking it for the cause) that might not be the result of an illness. It wasn’t that long ago that the board that governs what is included, decided to reclassify homosexuality and like that overnight, they cured millions of people of a mental illness (it was never such in the first place) gender dysphoria is a symptom of ‘something’ but that is not all the result of one thing. There are many causes to dysphoria including biological misalignment, cultural pressures or psychological instability. It’s not black and white. Depending on what the cause is and the severity of the dysphoria, sometimes surgery is the best course of action. I’ve heard this same argument about ‘sick doctors’ performing surgery on children ( specific cases causing an uproar in a community) so I contact the clinic in question only to find out that, like myself, the child was born with gonadal or genital disgenesis and the surgery is to aid in them having the ability to go to the toilet properly. There’s nothing nefarious behind it and I end up going back to the individuals who started the argument to go fucking educate themselves and get their heads out of the conspiracy theories that they often bolster their beliefs with. The other occurrences are when they use the word child and are referring to someone who has a long standing history of cross identification from an early age and is being treated in their teens. there is a difference between rapid onset gender dysphoria and historical gender dysphoria. The first is where we find most of the detransitioners and this is most likely caused by social conformity pressures like being unable to meet the stereotypical expectation of a gender role so they reject it altogether during a time they are coming to terms with puberty. The second is persistent cross identification and usually starts age 3-5years. These are genuine cases understood to have a neurological basis to it and often dismissed as mentally ill by people who don’t know the difference and attach the detransitioner case to all cases( fallacy of generalisation). those of us diagnosed decades ago were not exposed to internet, did not have cultural normalisation of the condition nor were the doctors even aware of it. We were not ‘influenced’ and the research that’s been done into it has shown misalignment between neurology and rest of body and genetics that are specific to the opposite sex. The neurology is perfectly normal and healthy so it’s a variation/ mutation, not an illness. The only problem with it is hormonal imbalance. Anyone… gender/sexual disorder or not, who has a hormonal imbalance or lacks the hormone that is required by those receptors gets symptoms that are associated with receptor starvation ( mood regulation difficulty, cognitive function etc). Think of the mood regulation issues of women going through menopause. Think of mood regulation of men going through andropause. A man with gonadal disgenesis who’s not producing enough testosterone for his brain to manage balanced functionality, all resulting is varying degrees of dysphoria( not gender related). And then you have individuals like myself who are neurologically misaligned and not getting the correct level of sex specific hormone resulting in… you guessed it, ‘dysphoria’. Not a mental illness. Having surgery is an attempt to confirm to societal norms, to fit in and experience normal relationship although more recently there are individuals refusing to be something to simply satisfy their cultures definitions( which are not a reflection of their biological reality) . The surgery doesn’t define them. what defines them in terms of sex and social gender is their neurology which was already there in the first place. There’s nothing sick about that. Believing that it is sick, is a lacking in deeper understanding for what it is and an attempt to dismiss its existence without any consideration or contemplation. It feeds into an already deep seated bias about the way the world ‘should’ be stemming from what is usually cultural conditioning. im not in any way dismissing the other occurrences including individuals who are genuinely mentally ill, trauma based response, neurodivergent or odd mutation. They all occur, some more prevalent than others and some so bizarre you’d pinch yourself that it actually occurs. but it is a huge mistake to assume that it is just all one way. Reality is ‘all’ ways that come and go. Some persist and some don’t. the 50+ social genders are merely a way in which people are expressing their individuality and labelling it to justify their difference. This will only persist for a time and then calm down. It’s the moving of a culture into construct awareness but attaching to the new constructs. Eventually through their development they will understand constructs are all still limitations and are fluid if what doesn’t serve one person or resonates with them can and should be let go so as not to thwart their potential.

I was born with a sexual development disorder and it comes under the trans ‘umbrella’ term. I’m an undifinable awareness stuck in a part male, part female, body and identify and express outwardly as a man. A few medical tests I’ve had show genetics and neurology that is male. I was registered as female and that was demonstrably a mistake. if I need the fucking toilet I’m going to use it and expect you to grow up and get over it and keep your nose out of my private business. You’re not going to know anyway! I’m not distinctively different from any other man. That’s not asking for special treatment or entitled. That’s me needing the fucking toilet and going in a sanitary manner. Jesus! I don’t participate in lgbt crap or think adding toilets is necessary. It’s all a construct to which people conform anyway. The whole point of self actualisation was to step out of the construct not to be forced back into it by people who think they’re being spiritual. beyond the imagined body is an infinite awareness. What my ‘person’ is, is an individuated expression of that. It’s not going to be the same from person to person and you will find variations of people that are so different from you that you’ll question what is ‘normal’. Normal is local to you as to the frequency with which you experience something and are familiar with it. That’s it! i never say anything to anyone, I never tell my story or identify randomly to people, I just mind my own business like everyone else. only when I ‘tell the story’ of my person do ‘others’ form opinions and react to a concept that’s all in their heads when right up until that point they were dealing with the direct reality and there wasn’t a problem. all in their heads! if this issue really bothers you then stop complaining about it and go study human sexual biology at the depths and perspectives you’ve never contemplated before. you also need to consider that the only ones jumping on this as a problem are those inducing division by scapegoating to keep your attention external and away from your own personal development.

Everything is nothing so there can’t be one point of view due to contrast. It needs other point of view to know point of view.

@thedoorsareopen the word faith is what I interpret as ‘holding to your own truest version of self’ and not faltering from it. Creating from your own infinite potential in alignment with what brings you joy. it’s part of my creation process and a type of belief ( not a belief at the human level but the use of belief in reality construction. Imagining something into being from a state of no self and using belief to deceive yourself as to hold it as real. Faith is standing by it until it starts to materialise) nothing to do with religion or god but rather a mechanism of the mind.

I understand that. i wasn’t aware I had suppressed my sexuality at the time I met her. She was my first. It’s only now I healed that part of me that there is an entire phase of experience in my life I never got to go through ( my wife reckons it’s because I was pretty reclused by my condition during my teens when all of this would have been happening as most normal teens go out and explore) . On my death bed it will certainly be a regret not to have known that or even worse to have denied that I was more orientated with polyamory. My wife understands that but at the same time did not marry with that agreement. I would have to leave her to do that but it’s not relationships that I’m looking for. It’s moments when they are called for during a meaningful connection. I don’t want to shut that out now that my heart has truly opened. That would differ from yours where you are looking for multiple relationships where you are obligated to live with to some degree, multiple people? As in non marital polygamy?

@Keryo Koffa my utopia is individual and self created/ experienced from the way I hold perspectives( multiple simultaneously as it may be). If someone on the same wavelength comes along or not, it doesn’t matter. my marriage has already turned into something profound and both my wife and I are still wiping our jaws off the floor 😁 it would of course be beautiful if everyone could have this but I’ve also learned it’s not my place to push that on anyone. I may in fact be removing someone’s catalyst for genuine growth at a time when they really need to experience their difficulties. If I hadn’t gone through the shit… I would never have been able to know this by contrast (something vs nothing)

@Ampresus we all have differing preferences and ways of being authentic to our true selves as unique human personalities. Personally I have been going through this too where I hard a sexual awakening that showed me I wasn’t a trustworthy partner but I was actually just suppressing my sexuality because of previous bad experiences. When I finally regained my self confidence and self love, the thing that felt most natural and authentic to me was loving unconditionally. Not needing or wanting or possessing anyone but allowing their coming and going from my personal space and life to have beautiful and intimate moments of connection. No expectations or presumed outcomes. No seeking fulfilment in others because I was already generating ecstatic states in myself. the problem I encountered was that I was already married and had already gone into a relationship under a joined agreement. To follow this realisation about my ‘polyamory’ I would be breaking an agreement and like you, I love my wife and so I would never lie to her or do anything that she was not ok with. I have no desire to add people to our relationship. She is the top of the pecking order and the only one I choose to share the mundane day to day experience of life with and she will never be replaced. If she leaves me or she dies, that is it for me. My decision is final and there will be no more relationships. my polyamory is about my expansion into unconditional love. It’s not about promiscuous sex for self satisfaction. It’s about allowing and accepting beautiful and loving moments of connection with other people without possessing them or expecting them to do or be anything. It’s just that, an exchange of energy, a connection and experience called for in a moment because it’s an expression of love. That doesn’t mean it has to be sex( sex is one of the manifestations but it’s not a necessity). I love it and feel no guilt, shame or regret but absolute gratitude for the experience with that person. I’ve always said that I would apologise for descending into hate but I will never apologise for loving. I could argue that my wife saying no is a form of control and possessiveness but we need to remember that she entered the relationship under the agreement of exclusivity so she is not being unfair. I have changed into a less limited mindset about my sexuality in the interim. She understands where I am coming from ( how it unfolded was deeply profound and mystical full of ‘coincidences’ that were hard to believe) and see has watched it and experienced some of it for herself. My change in energy has healed her sexual suppression too but not her limitation within the relationship. She says she may or may not be ok with it in the future but she is not there now. I have a responsibility for my choices and their consequences and prioritising what is truly important to me. If I claim to be highly conscious and my wife has started going through the awakening process( completely unexpected but triggere by my own sexual awakening) then she is in a vulnerable state and needs to trust me. I have to curtail my own experience to be that for her if I want what’s in her best interest and if I want to maintain my marriage with her. Yes deep down it was a mistake to get married and stuck permanently with another person cutting off all other experience but I have been catalysed and presented with many lessons in this relationship that have ultimately grown me as a person. Creating that limitation is what causes the challenges and adversity to overcome and to grow from. Understanding that is crucial for living life fulfillingly and not being victimised by it. I know within myself I have the potential to love many people and I do feel it genuinely towards others. There are many angels out there but she is my archangel. What I would be careful with in that scenario is having experiences with other people who were not at that level and potentially I would be causing emotional hurt to them if they were seeking something in me to fulfill them, if they attached an importance to me or identified me as their want or posession in any way. Coming and going from that experience with them with gratitude for the beauty of it and them, would be one sided and leave them not with gratitude but with guilt, shame and regret so I would be very careful with using clear and agreed ground rules. You have to communicate clearly and honestly about who and what you are, what your expectations are, what you are and are not willing to do. Being aware and conscious means not doing something for your own satisfaction. You have to learn to harmonise and balance in interactions with others. You could potentially Leave another person with serious emotional damage or even a permanent psychological trauma if you are just out to satisfy yourself. But I get it. I have shifted into an open unconditionalness where essentially whoever is making a meaningful and loving connection with me is allowed into my intimate space. That is what feels normal and natural to me. That is what liberates me. When I think of suppressing g that it feels like shutting off part of my soul or part of my being. Polyamorous in its generic understanding of the word doesn’t really describe what I’ve opened up to. It’s much deeper and more profound than that. It’s almost an acceptance of other people in living harmony compared to the shutting them off and out and feeling nothing for humanity before this point. I wouldn’t even limit it to women, I’d be open to men as well although I identify and preference being heterosexual. I used to be suppressed and rejecting almost hateful of women. I was toxically masculine, trying to irradicate everything femanine within myself to the point that it disgusted me. I’ve healed a bucket load of trauma, seen the absolute and now living life again as the old limitations are being shed away like restrictive skin. Now I absolutely love and adore the idea and reality of woman and enjoy the ecstacy of their beauty and divinity. I’d almost go so far as to say I have formed a new personality that appreciates and worships women and that it is a decision I have made and preference and perspective from which to experience life. I’m aware of the dualistic collapse of the idea of men and women at the spiritual level but I’m also aware of the energy dynamic of the mental mechanism that is the masculine and femanine force of the universes first movement from nothing to something. The alpha and omega. To play my part as the male and to understand and work in harmony with the female. Not bending it to my will but loving it unconditionally as it is for what it is. Beautiful and perfect in all its imperfection and limitation. as a human it is a struggle not to get the experiences one wants but life has a way that is unforlding that ultimately grows me and fulfills me no matter what happens. Moving into being ok and at peace generated from within is one way of describing the enlightenment of limitations or at least coping with them in a way they are allowed to just be, and enjoyed.

What I whittle all that above, down to is, confidence and self love. When it is healed within you, it radiates and becomes attractive. If you focus on something external like ‘attracting women’ you are drawing away your focus on being ok within yourself, by yourself, for yourself as a totality without anything else. You can generate that feeling at any time.( managing sexual energy efficiently, not suppressing it) You can use the interactions you have with people to monitor and identify the points at which your focus is externalising instead of watching what your own mind is doing. When you are setting up a possible relationship or interaction with a woman, watch what you do, how she reacts and how you feel and react to her reactions. As I laid out the process of ‘projection and blame’ in an interaction that doesn’t result in an expected outcome, you can see how it turns into feelings of inadequacy and self loathing ( this sabotages any future relationships or potential if it becomes a repeated habit or hardwired into the belief of your personality that this is who you are!) for example. I want sex, I want to be desired by this beautiful woman in front of me. She’s friendly, alluring and somewhat interested testing the waters to see if I’m fit for an experience. I drop out of my confidence for a second and she picks up on that because I’ve put too much importance on the outcome of this interaction being positive to satisfy my urges and the fantasies I’m now playing through my head can be read all over my body and energy as an expectation grasping at her( seeking and pulling energy away from her, taking,) . She pulls away from the interaction just a bit and I react to that feeling a rejection, feeling hurt that she is not providing me with what I want. Frustration turns to resistance and clenching/pain and I shut down my heart and project anger at her mistaking her for being the cause of the pain when it is really me.… and then the negative thoughts flood in: why won’t she desire me, why won’t she love me or give me attention or affection. Then the projection, blame and criticising thoughts flood in: she must be cold, heartless, abused in the past, a difficult woman with unrealistic expectations, high maintenance, a bad person!. I eventually set off an air of desperation that reduces me to a snivelling, pleading and juvenile little boy with no confidence or integrity. To her that is pathetic and so unattractive and repulsive. to me, I’ve placed myself into a victim mentality that automatically pushes her away which is the exact opposite of what I want to experience yet I’m oblivious to the fact that none of this was her doing. It was all my own lack of self awareness, separation and sabotage caused by fear, grasping, attachment, self defence when there really was no threat. If I maintain this trajectory I will probably end up as a woman hating and emotionally shut off recluse who is lonely and depressed. I venture into toxic masculinity by rejecting everything that is feminine including the parts of myself that are feminine( my emotion, intuition, expression and ability to accept and receive love) this is a stark contrast to what I realised as the opposite. Sexual energy is just that. A powerful force or motion that wells up inside me. It can be triggered by another persons interaction with me or I can trigger it myself with my own thoughts and fantasies about a person or even further… beautiful thoughts and affirmations about myself!( be aware that this is not narcissistic. It has nothing to do with being better or contrasting yourself to others. It is about allowing yourself to love yourself again and heal from all those negative self beliefs that limit your potential as a creator) . It’s all just an induction to get it going, get it moving but it is completely up to me and my responsibility how I manage master and direct that energy in the most efficient way so as not to suppress, block or cause resistance( stuck energy, stagnation, festering or potential illness that manifests as possible inflammation somewhere in the body) If I go into the interaction with this woman having already come into a state of self fulfilment, confidence and contentment, I am already giving off a strong confident, calm, sensual and balanced energy that feels safe and protective to her( that is what women describe as masculine, nothing to do with your appearance of how you confront to the social construct associated with the term ‘man’) . My behaviour is flirtatious and playfully seductive but respectful. This is another being ( or the same being as myself that I have and open heart and unconditional love for) they do not need to do or be anything but what they are and they are loved for it, as it is in that moment. I do not have any doubts creeping in like guilt, shame, potential regrets or anxiety/worry so there is no pulling back or fear that would cause my behaviour to become unpredictable and therefor as a confident and self assured person I create a space of safety for her to be in that energy so she can fully surrender to it and enjoy it. I create no thoughts or expectations because I’m already in an ecstatic state so there is no attachment or importance on how this interaction goes. We could just talk all night, kiss, get intimate or just dance. The moment and the experience of all those little things are equally enjoyed and let go with gratitude. I am at peace no matter what and she sees that as strength and integrity. That is attractive, sexy and desirable. I don’t care what people think of me so I become unique and authentically my best version of me. Something rare and desired by others. Something beautiful and comfortable to be around. If this is the way I am consistently every time she is with me then it could turn into a relationship ( I am fit for beautiful experiences with no expectation) If not and it’s just a once off interaction, it is not about sex anymore but a genuine and loving connection with that other person ( or the universe loving itself/not coercing itself for personal satisfaction) then it’s ok, it’s unconditional. If she stays or walks away, it cannot hurt me. I’m already in love with life, myself and the experience of the moment. Feeling and enjoying the beauty of that other person and knowing that they are feeling desired themselves because I’m already satisfied and giving, not taking or seeking anything in them. I don’t feel lack if she doesn’t reciprocate. Giving off that energy is deeply attractive to others but you have to be careful that the other person is not also placing importance or expectation on you. ( needing to be needed or a one sided seeking of codependency, this romantic notion of ‘can’t’ live without you and can’t stand on your own two feet is a damaging conditioning set by our culture) A truly loving connection with someone means they too are at peace with themselves. You have to really be at peace with yourself and completely unconditionally loving towards someone in your life who is struggling with this. Even if it means letting them be as they are for the rest of your life going nowhere.( that is if you want to take responsibility for initiating to saving of a relationship or marriage by working on yourself first and ‘being’ the space they need to heal. They may or may not get there but a shift will happen in them when they feel safe. A shift will happen when they are in and around your energy and start to heal themselves) it does take a lot of vigilance and mental strength and discipline to get yourself there but that is part of your own growth and journey. I’m here to say it is possible., raising one’s consciousness and opening one’s heart into unconditional love usually results in you having no interest in the act of sex for satisfaction but rather deep and meaningful loving connections that may or may not include the act of sex. I don’t ever rule it out because it is beautiful and powerful if it is don’t in balance. If all you want to be getting is hollow promiscuous sex then the people you will attract are individuals who have little self worth or self-esteem. This, while exiting in the beginning, starts to eat at your soul because they are literally sucking your energy. I have nothing against having many sexual interactions with women, it’s beautiful and amazing and so are they but for this shift in consciousness I’ve experienced, it is about the connection and oneness, not the sex. It is something much deeper and more profound that I’ve awakened in me. It’s also a point that I’m not seeking to or concerned about attracting women, that is a sideffect of changing my own state of mind to which the reality starts to align and harmonise with or should I say, my person or ego starts to harmonise with reality making everything more beautiful. the only thing I wish is that I could put that in a nutshell but we all know what happens when we try to cram reality into extreme limitation. 😁🫂

@AION I’m sorry if this feels long-winded, but your post struck a deep chord within me. I’ve nearly destroyed my marriage multiple times due to misunderstandings about sexual energy. I created expectations for my wife, and when things didn’t go as I hoped, I projected frustration onto her, blaming her for a lack of affection or love. In reality, I was sabotaging my marriage by blaming instead of loving. I caught myself doing this twice, but it kept happening, which meant something was missing. Eventually, I realized the issue stemmed from a lack of mastery over sexual energy. I was externalizing it instead of transmuting it into self-love, which would allow me to become more giving rather than seeking satisfaction outside myself. In May, I had an astral experience involving a friend during a plant medicine ceremony. It was extremely sexual but I brushed it off. Soon after, I had a vivid dream where she was drowning in an endless ocean. The next day, I found out she had suffered a stroke and needed heart surgery due to a hole in her heart. This shook me, and I realized I had feelings for her—despite never considering her that way before. At the time, my heart was opening as I worked on unconditional love. This revelation confused me, as I was happily married. But the deep, palpable love we were all experiencing in our ‘soul’ group became more intense towards each other ( we bonded at a ayahuasca ceremony and have been close group of friend ever since but the live got so strong we feel closer than friends) the girl ignited a dormant sexual energy in me. I realized I had suppressed this energy, thinking I was beyond sex or intimacy. To support her, I needed to love her unconditionally, but my mind began creating fantasies, projecting future scenarios of intimacy. She didn’t need this, and it served no purpose except to feed my own urges. I felt despair when these fantasies didn’t materialize, experiencing an emotional pain similar to the rejection I felt from my wife. The pain of the perceived rejection( that wasn’t even real) is what caused me to shut down and suppress my sexuality in the first place. I was not aware of my own psychological mechanism that was causing this. I finally recognized this cycle: I created an unmet expectation, felt hurt, and projected blame onto my wife, even though the pain originated from within. I had shut down my sexual energy for years, becoming celibate and turning inward, thinking I had transcended sex. But this experience taught me I needed to confront and master it, or it would destroy my marriage. This external trigger reignited my sexual energy, starting in the root chakra, and my mind began fantasizing about her. But when the imagined scenarios didn’t happen, anxiety and pain took over. I projected my frustration onto her, repeating the same destructive patterns I had with my wife. I realized that misuse of sexual energy was harming me, and could potentially damage any relationship. One night, I consciously redirected this energy back into myself, turning it into self-love and confidence. I didn’t need anyone else to satisfy me; I could generate ecstasy within. This experience was a breakthrough in understanding kundalini energy. I stood in front of the mirror, after generating thoughts and fantasies about her and when the urge was there, I raised it up to the pit of my stomach where I would feel the anxiety. I turned this into a feeling of confidence, using the energy to generate feeling good, sexy, and satisfied, to really give myself permission to love myself and heal from the inside. When I raised it up to my heart, my heart fully opened and created a state of ecstasy unlike anything I’ve felt before. My heart was giving and giving only. I did not need to seek anything from anyone because I was generating this from within myself, changing the thoughts and feelings to something else, to use that energy to realise I was the one generating it. I began to feel real genuine unconditional love towards everyone and everything. This newfound confidence shifted my personality, freeing me from needing attention from my wife. The sexual energy flowed naturally, and my wife became more attracted to me. Others in my social circle noticed it too. It was intoxicating. I understood what it meant to carry a different, flowing energy—one that made women feel safe because it wasn’t about taking, but giving. It was pure, potent, and primordial. This realization deepened my love for the girl, but it was also what allowed me to help her in her healing journey. Our group came together, meditated, and focused on her recovery, which was miraculously quick. My relationship with my wife also transformed. Our intimacy grew more profound, as I accepted and expressed my sexuality without shame or guilt. But when I shared my experience with my wife, she felt I had emotionally cheated on her. She left, and I found her in a hotel, struggling with feelings of abandonment. That night, we had a breakthrough. She let go of her resistance because she thought there was nothing left to loose that I was anlready lost to annother woman. and for the first time, we experienced a connection that freed us both from sexual suppression. She had been experiencing physical pain during sex, but after that night, it disappeared entirely. She realised herself that she had been severely sexually suppressed due to her upbringing with a refrigerator mother and lack of affection that she found alien and uncomfortable to be even hugged. Because of the profundity of that experience she began to open up and let go, to surrender herself to what was happening. Over the next few weeks, our intimacy intensified. My wife, who was never spiritual or open to psychedelics, started to awaken. One night, while I was playing music, she dropped to her knees and cried. She said, “For the first time, I can see who you really are,” describing a glowing light around me. She felt intoxicated by my energy and began having out-of-body experiences. This marked the beginning of her own spiritual journey. She has since started self-inquiry and is planning to attend a mushroom ceremony. But this experience taught us both about the power of sexual energy. She called it “borrowed freedom,” as if my energy gave her a glimpse of what life could be like. She appreciated that I never pressured her to follow my path, and because of that, she felt loved unconditionally. She had a phrase going around in her head that she was reluctant to tell me because it was so cliche… “ I feel like I’m awakening”. In those states she found herself in she had more clarity than at any time in the past. Sexual energy is immensely powerful. It must be mastered, not suppressed. If it’s not, it can turn into manipulation or worse. Gurus and monks often face this when they suppress their energy instead of mastering it. Sexual energy is not something to be feared or shamed. It’s the essence of the masculine and feminine forces, the wave that creates life’s infinite complexity. It’s beautiful, and I will never be ashamed of it again.

I have to concur it is incredibly hard. And you have to go through many swings of a pendulum from one extreme to another to start recognising the mind is using lower consciousness urges to manipulate and when it is in higher consciousness in a state of unconditional love where is the universe loving itself. I discovered this when I was projecting my urges onto another person creating expectations in the mind which were not met and then resulting in disappointment and extreme emotions of pain in the chest where I ended up shutting myself down from feeling the emotions just to avoid the pain. I eventually realised that whenever I turned that energy back in on myself and raised it up through my centres, it created a type of confidence and self-assuredness that reached the heart and turned into self love and a state of complete ecstasy. I expressed it through dance and started to study tantra. It was a difference between externalising the energy and internalising the energy to heal myself from the inside and become a completely fulfilled being. From the place of fulfilment I found that I could use sexual energy to heal other people so long as I did not descend into lower consciousness urges.. the problem with the urges is that when you interact with a person who is not healed themselves that person can descend into feelings of guilt shame and regret feeling that they have been abused. If you are a Guru, who is to use sexual energy as a healing tool and a tool to guide people into states of Godhead ecstasy you have to be very careful about the level of development of the person that you were interacting with. sex is absolutely divine. It is the one split into the two and the two interacting and you can guide people into that so long as you don’t use it for your own satisfaction and urges it is very hard particularly if you come across a person that provokes a very strong feeling in your heart, and what I’ve noticed is whenever you go through that Harte opening process using sexual energy you start to love everyone and everything. You don’t seek anything in another person. You don’t need anything in another person to fulfil yourself because you are already fulfilled therefore whenever your heart is open in that stage you are giving not taking.. there is definitely a certain level of awareness and control required to stop the mind from descending into the lower human and I’m iStick urges so one must always be aware and responsible when using that energy to guide or heal someone. but yes it is. It’s a hard path when it is in the state of balance with another person. It is absolutely and completely beautiful and ecstatic. I just there are no words that I can express for that moment where the universe is completely and utterly in love with itself, experiencing itself and excepting itself completely and wholly. when I’m in that state I don’t even need anybody to be around because I generate that feeling within myself that energy within myself it’s so powerful. It has the ability to create or destroy. I take it as the most potent universal force or power or rather should I say, formless mental principal . having been completely suppressed all of my life due to a sexual disorder I didn’t want anything to do with sex because of the fear of people thinking that I must be perverted because of the very sexual nature of my condition so I completely and utterly shut it down and suppressed it. Years of celibacy and meditation and reality deconstruction led me to the source or the absolute singularity to understand absolutely everything is pure imagination within awareness.. but coming back from that reintegrating everything and the human experience led me to awaken that sexual energy as a part of myself that had been suppressed for so many years. it healed me it healed. My wife was also incredibly suppressed and within the last two weeks our sexual relationship has gone to something that was lacking any intimate or physical affection whatsoever to something that you would see in the books of the Kama Sutra, the power of this healing ability is absolutely standing and my mind is totally blown.

❤️❤️ this is exactly what I experienced recently when dormant or suppressed sexual energy reignited within me. this time after many failed times, I was aware of what it was doing. when the energy appeared, I found it projecting back out onto another to fulfil myself from a place of lack so I brought it back and turned it inwards on myself. It rose up into my stomach and turned into a feeling of confidence and up further still a feeling of unconditional love, up further still it became a state of ecstacy all self generated from within. when I interacted with my wife, instead of creating an expectation and lusting after her, trying to seek satisfaction in her, I turned it on myself into confidence and love that was so fulfilling that I did not need her to do or be anything. This was so attractive to her the level of intimacy between us increased ten fold and was not about sex anymore, it was about deep intimate even spiritual connection almost like a dance or exchange of energy that put both of us in a prolonged and ecstatic state. I noticed this developing into a deep love of many close friends and a sort of polyamory developed between us all. You’re so fulfilled already that the love you have is boiling over and giving. There is no seeking out or taking. Instead of blocking it like in the past I accept it and let it flow through me. I call it divine desire because it comes from a place of wholeness not lack. Desire from lack creates conditions, expectations and heartbreaking pain when it is not met leading to shutting down and suppressing those emotions. when the emotions are accepted allowed and turned inward, it heals from the inside and makes one whole again. That type of desire has been used to attract more heavenly versions of reality in more frequent succession. It is oneness experiencingbitself from a place where it already knows what it is and is now enjoying the experience.

@Thought Art I would second that. Being one of those myself, in the beginning it was all about irradicating anything that didn’t fit the expectation of the male identity in order to conform and be accepted as that so the feminine principle was dismissed entirely. those expectations, if not met ( what society deems to be a man), and it goes for congruent men as well, leaves a person feeling worthless, inadequate and defeated. going through awakenings and realising the conceptual nature of most of the labels we call ourselves has led to the slow reintegration of the feminine. It’s understood to be an interactive energy principle and nothing to do with physical sex and we all have both energies/principles within us. We also biologically have both within us, it’s just it physically expresses as one form over another where it’s rudimentary structure is identical in all people. Some are congruent one way, others aren’t like myself. coming to terms with true masculinity had nothing to do with meeting expectations or conforming to a normalised idea. In the end it was about developing confidence and healing through self love including integrating the healthy balance of the feminine.