Adrian colby

@Reciprocality it would be like ‘beauty’. It’s universal in that beauty is what one finds sensorily pleasing which would be a universal principle that is shared but when it is down to the personal, it is individuated by preferences ( what one finds beautiful, another does not) it is a result of separation to make distinctions and one could certainly become more universal by aligning with the ‘principles’ or archetypes. enlightenment in the platonic sense would be the return journey from transcendence with the wisdom of oneness and the process of integrating that with the lived experience by holding the universal principles so that preferences such as extreme dualities do not occur. Making extreme distinctions causes further separation. It’s tricky to master that but if it is held for long enough, the extremes collapse and one lives in a more balanced or enlightened state. certainly everything around is complexity out of oneness but it is still just a hall of mirrors. When someone reacts to me, it is not just their personality but a reflection of my own as well. Both sides are reflecting. When you are conscious of your own and you start to see your self in others by way of their reactions, you develop a mirror consciousness where there is only one looking at itself. Your post title caught my attention as I’m just beginning reading ‘monad’ by gallow glass books. It’s a collection of platonist as translated by Thomas Taylor. I’m not great with old English so I was getting it analysed and re written in ordinary modern English as well as querying some terms used that I don’t understand. As I contemplated and questioned, I decided to slowly study page by page with a contemplation on each and ended up making a distinction between transcendence and enlightenment. One being the seeking if the absolute and having the experience of the one and enlightenment being the return journey into the lived experience with the task of balancing the virtues till duality collapsed and a permanent state is achieved that allows bringing the principle of oneness as a unity with the person while integrating it into the lived experience where all is understood and preferences are still made but not because one identifies with but rather that the preference induces a certain desired experience. Not being manipulated by the experience but rather directing it consciously.

I’m grateful for Leo’s style or approach to spirituality or how I like to call it ‘deconstruction of reality’ by a more logical/rational/critical approach of contemplation of subjects. This meant that it wasn’t as painful as it could have been. having an expanded vantage point makes it easier to understand why people are the way they are and it also makes it easier to feel love for them.

Mental illness is when a person cannot function in their daily life. A lot of people with alternative identities are high achievers, educated, intellectual. allot of the ones in my country that make it into the media have their own businesses. a persons identity doesn’t ‘lead’ to mental illness but the way other people treat and dismiss them because of it can lead to mental distress. for a person who has a hormone imbalance either because of a simple imbalance or a sexual development disorder, the distress is a result of the brains inability to regulate mood, cognition and behaviour. This is a biological cause and not a result of a persons identity whether they have adopted it later in life or have always used it. the only exception to this is ‘rapid onset gender dysphoria’ which is when a teenager, who has no prior history of cross gender identification suddenly develops dysphoria at puberty. These people, if treated incorrectly or misdiagnosed as transgender, often de-transition when they reach their mid 20’s. The reason they report they become dysphoric is because they cannot meet the expectations of the stereotype they are expected to conform to by their society or culture ( for example a male who is exposed to the typical image of muscled, tall, strong, chiselled features, big dick, specific job, social role etc) if they don’t meet this they feel inadequate and worthless. Severe feelings in this area can make someone dis identify with their gender and or sex altogether and associate with the other because they can’t cope with the pressure of conformity. This is not transgenderism or anything to do with the other gender identities. It is certainly not caused by the list of gender identities. It is caused by social pressure to conform to unrealistic traditional stereotypes. Right wing affiliated celebrities and media channels give these people a platform to tell their stories and bring attention to the problem with the inability of gender clinics to tell the difference when diagnosing them ( this is old now and allot has been changed in the way the clinics filter the patients. I’m directly aware of this as I have spoken to physicians in clinics in my country and in Europe ). Media and celebrities exploit these people and use them to push the idea that this is the case for all people who present with a gender issue. It’s being used to dismiss the validity of sexual development disorders as if they are the effect of mental distress. It’s utter nonsense and has no evidence to support that claim. It’s been used to turn people against a minority for nothing more than fear and ignorance. so no the 50+ gender identities out there do not result in mental illness. There is nothing out there to support that theory.

It has been interesting seeing and understanding it from the inside. Going from atheistic to spiritual has revealed the level of self deception that everyone falls into. Being a left progressive hating the right and suddenly aligning with the right ( not identifying as) and hating the idiocy of the left but also transcending both to see and understand both perspectives to synthesise a higher vantage point and understand the dynamic leading to a love and acceptance of it all. Personal development and spirituality with hyper logic and reason alongside allowed me to remain vigilant but the one thing that showed me how delusional the spiritual community were was when my own beloved community started attacking people with gender disorders ( in conversation and debate) while I was sitting right there and known to them. It became clear that there was ‘religious’ infiltration of authentic spirituality which has slowly got worse over the last 5 years. Influence of individuals highly susceptible to belief who could be swayed by panic and fear despite the reality of the situation being a direct experience of me that had never caused a single problem… just thrown out the window with not an ounce of critical contemplation for a ‘let’s wipe them off the face of the earth because of the ‘agenda’ conspiracy. It was so easy for them to just play traitor to their values of live compassion and understanding. I love old Greek philosophy which painstakingly and methodically worked back to the ‘agathon’ ( source/infinity) using hyper logic and reason. Like platonic retroduction or the neti neti method. It was a very fast and intense pathway to having the elusive, sober glimpse of enlightenment. something I’ve been revered for teaching in my community and constantly tackling to bring them back into balance with. my personal battle is not devolving into any negative or judgmental mindset that would be associated with my characters predicament. At the end of the day, no one knows other than if I tell them which means it only exists as an idea. The reality is as I present to the world and even that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I remain balanced and continue to teach and encourage love compassion and understanding. If something is not known it is better to learn about it than become fearful and eventually hateful. It is all allowed and each individual won’t be coerced as it is their inherent right to just be until a time they are ready and enthusiastic to learn and discover, to become endlessly curious about everything. To find out how it works instead of forcing it to bend to their way. we learn and we teach but we never coerce a child to move beyond their educational level( people in general) and I found a lot of peace in that.

I’ve long been aware of identity being a false attribute to my existence owing to ‘The ship of Theseus’ philosophy. I’m embodied in an ongoing and ever changing ‘process’, a pattern that arises, stays moderately coherent and then will one day disappear into a larger pattern ( the earth and eventually back to stillness) so attaching a rigid concept to this doesn’t make any sense to me. clinging rigidly to an identity including a gender identity has been one of those limitations I’ve overcome on my journey and yet, to some extent, for the purposes of interacting with others ( or the preference/story/dream I participate in) I have had to conform to recognisable social and cultural concepts in order to be accepted and integrate into my local humanity. ( play a character or a role, as you will) This body is both biologically male and female but in order for it to be medically healthy, it has to adhere to the sex of its neurology and the feeding of receptors with the correct ratio of sex hormone that aids in the regulation of mood, cognitive function and behaviour. When this was not being treated, the level of ‘dysphoria’ was severe. ( it’s one of the main reasons that many sexual disorders are treated with HRT ) this manifested in the extreme expression of a ‘man’ gender identity and role to the absolute obliteration of anything feminine or female. This was a behavioural backlash to the constant dismissal of masculinity, lack of acknowledgment of masculinity, and constant insistence of femininity by others. You could say I was overcompensating for the ignorance of others which wasn’t psychologically or spiritually healthy. I knew at an intuitive level that my neurology was male and it was said to doctors and therapists several times before it appeared in research. over the years, things such as genetic mutation, neurology and in my specific case, gonadal dysgenesis were confirmed when I was both treated and participated in ‘transgender’ studies at various hospitals in Europe. my goal was to get treated, get healthy, get stable again, and integrate back into society( get on with life as ‘normal’ as possible). This meant NOT conforming to LGBT culture or creating a new identity. It was ‘man’ and nothing else. if I wanted to be accepted as being male then why would I go around claiming to be transgender or any of the 50+ gender variants and expect to be treated normally? It never sat well with me why the others did thus but I do understand now, why that is. My social and sexual role was to be complementary opposition to my female counterpart which I did very successfully until I started going through awakenings and the healing began. The fight to be accepted led to toxic masculinity and a spoilt ego. As I started to target methods to discern what was true, I tore the self apart and ended up facing infinity/ void/ awareness, whatever people like to call it and everything became clear. The structure and meaning to humanity was clear. I see myself at three layers. The ultimate awareness that encapsulates everything including the smaller more focused awareness that sees from an individuated vantage point ( everyone and everything is ultimately this when they contract consciousness back to pure awareness. There is no distinction, we are all individuated expressions of this one having a discovery of experiences) The second layer is a biological process that has manifested in a both male and female form ( even though allot of surgery has been done to align with the male, there is little to nothing female left). Even after glimpses of enlightenment, this has not changed as it is the form that this one is experiencing, choice or not. It is fully embodied, enjoyed and celebrated. And then the third layer is the identity through which it interacts, relates to and distinguishes itself, uses to navigate life, its preferences and choices to have experiences to learn and grow from. ( the little persona or mask that moves from one experience to another) . The personality is recognised as fluid as in behaviour/beleifs/epistemology and it is not so rigidly set that it cannot change that if something is not working and needs to be changed. ( I could elaborate into the self decepted or delusional but I won’t discuss it here as I think it’s part of a ‘lost’ or dominating ego pattern less present after awakenings or personal development) identity can be anything to distinguish someone apart from others for the purposes of interacting/ relating but the stress of rigidly clinging to it and constantly trying to defend creates a historical trauma or habitual bad behavior towards others. This is where so many go wrong and end up as entitled spoilt brats or the generic description of woke. the woke have realised owing to their stage of cultural development that they have been living in a conceptually constructed matrix and while trying to liberate from it, have trapped themselves in a more expanded range of identity. i don’t see it as wrong, rather, it’s part of a stage that the culture will grow out of eventually and as you say, people will eventually come to terms with the universe expressing itself in infinitely diverse ways and no labels needed cause you can’t categorise infinity. There are those that use gender identity to describe their personal and there are those who use it to describe their underlying biological manifestation ( which is not always just male or just female) perhapse the 50+ categorisations are an attempt by individuals to express that their biology is simply not the same as the next person and the ego really needs justification for that existence?

https://youtu.be/QSvnihB1jZ8?feature=shared mirror by sine latest to blow me into infinity during an unsuspecting trip.

to answer the question of why would god forget? When I lost my ‘I, let go of everything, everything dissolved. The void of No thingness ( awareness) had to reconstruct reality from scratch to get back into it.( it took what seemed like forever and each and everything was meticulously thought out). I came across ‘belief’ or ‘self deception’ as a reality creation tool. In order to imagine a reality and project myself back into it to experience it in a coherent, consistent and linear manner, I had to ‘believe’ it was real to hold it in consciousness. ( con=with science=knowing) that belief or ontological self deception is why I as a human, forgot who I was as the god or awareness. I did it to myself as I expanded from a singularity into consciousness and as I focused and solidified into a distinct and separate expression of that one. Each and every time I reincarnate into a solidified reality, I do it. And I forget. when you know you are a spectrum of infinite states of consciousness, you keep dissolving if you can’t focus and hold it. Belief( self deception) help hold a consistent state to experience something meaningful. i make a distinction between awareness and consciousness where awareness is a singularity or source of potential and consciousness is the god head or mind/ocean that forms out of that awareness. From that ocean forms patterns or the appearance of solidity triggered by the ripple of thoughts. When awareness becomes aware that it is aware, it is creating a feedback of ‘knowing’ on itself which is consciousness. we remember when we stop and become self aware and do inner work. prior to that we are always focusing awareness outward and expanding, grasping at the experience believing it is a world ‘out there’. this is not a rationalisation or logical conclusion but something I experienced directly when I unintentionally dissolved back into no experience.

A look at identifying self deception using an intermittent commentary of video of Jordan Peterson as an example. Also pointing out Leo’s self deceptions when pointing out Jordan peterson’s self deceptions. a helpful guide to identifying what self deception looks like in a real world scenario.

@Schizophonia and what if my penis was removed because of cancer? Am I no longer a male or no longer a man? Can I not perform my social role without it? and what if I was a female at birth who naturally developed a penis in their teens? ( yes it happens! There are populations in new Guinea where this happens and it’s common enough that it is considered normal to give birth to a girl and have it spontaneously turn into a boy) natural sex change in a human. this comes down to the same thing over and over again. Trying to pigeonhole reality into man made constructs to force the infinite diversity of the universes exploration of consciousness to become a limited sameness. It is already that at its core or source ( awareness) so why would it do that when it expands into infinite consciousness?

DSM doesn’t have all the answers and only attempts to distinguish symptoms ( mistaking it for the cause) that might not be the result of an illness. It wasn’t that long ago that the board that governs what is included, decided to reclassify homosexuality and like that overnight, they cured millions of people of a mental illness (it was never such in the first place) gender dysphoria is a symptom of ‘something’ but that is not all the result of one thing. There are many causes to dysphoria including biological misalignment, cultural pressures or psychological instability. It’s not black and white. Depending on what the cause is and the severity of the dysphoria, sometimes surgery is the best course of action. I’ve heard this same argument about ‘sick doctors’ performing surgery on children ( specific cases causing an uproar in a community) so I contact the clinic in question only to find out that, like myself, the child was born with gonadal or genital disgenesis and the surgery is to aid in them having the ability to go to the toilet properly. There’s nothing nefarious behind it and I end up going back to the individuals who started the argument to go fucking educate themselves and get their heads out of the conspiracy theories that they often bolster their beliefs with. The other occurrences are when they use the word child and are referring to someone who has a long standing history of cross identification from an early age and is being treated in their teens. there is a difference between rapid onset gender dysphoria and historical gender dysphoria. The first is where we find most of the detransitioners and this is most likely caused by social conformity pressures like being unable to meet the stereotypical expectation of a gender role so they reject it altogether during a time they are coming to terms with puberty. The second is persistent cross identification and usually starts age 3-5years. These are genuine cases understood to have a neurological basis to it and often dismissed as mentally ill by people who don’t know the difference and attach the detransitioner case to all cases( fallacy of generalisation). those of us diagnosed decades ago were not exposed to internet, did not have cultural normalisation of the condition nor were the doctors even aware of it. We were not ‘influenced’ and the research that’s been done into it has shown misalignment between neurology and rest of body and genetics that are specific to the opposite sex. The neurology is perfectly normal and healthy so it’s a variation/ mutation, not an illness. The only problem with it is hormonal imbalance. Anyone… gender/sexual disorder or not, who has a hormonal imbalance or lacks the hormone that is required by those receptors gets symptoms that are associated with receptor starvation ( mood regulation difficulty, cognitive function etc). Think of the mood regulation issues of women going through menopause. Think of mood regulation of men going through andropause. A man with gonadal disgenesis who’s not producing enough testosterone for his brain to manage balanced functionality, all resulting is varying degrees of dysphoria( not gender related). And then you have individuals like myself who are neurologically misaligned and not getting the correct level of sex specific hormone resulting in… you guessed it, ‘dysphoria’. Not a mental illness. Having surgery is an attempt to confirm to societal norms, to fit in and experience normal relationship although more recently there are individuals refusing to be something to simply satisfy their cultures definitions( which are not a reflection of their biological reality) . The surgery doesn’t define them. what defines them in terms of sex and social gender is their neurology which was already there in the first place. There’s nothing sick about that. Believing that it is sick, is a lacking in deeper understanding for what it is and an attempt to dismiss its existence without any consideration or contemplation. It feeds into an already deep seated bias about the way the world ‘should’ be stemming from what is usually cultural conditioning. im not in any way dismissing the other occurrences including individuals who are genuinely mentally ill, trauma based response, neurodivergent or odd mutation. They all occur, some more prevalent than others and some so bizarre you’d pinch yourself that it actually occurs. but it is a huge mistake to assume that it is just all one way. Reality is ‘all’ ways that come and go. Some persist and some don’t. the 50+ social genders are merely a way in which people are expressing their individuality and labelling it to justify their difference. This will only persist for a time and then calm down. It’s the moving of a culture into construct awareness but attaching to the new constructs. Eventually through their development they will understand constructs are all still limitations and are fluid if what doesn’t serve one person or resonates with them can and should be let go so as not to thwart their potential.

I was born with a sexual development disorder and it comes under the trans ‘umbrella’ term. I’m an undifinable awareness stuck in a part male, part female, body and identify and express outwardly as a man. A few medical tests I’ve had show genetics and neurology that is male. I was registered as female and that was demonstrably a mistake. if I need the fucking toilet I’m going to use it and expect you to grow up and get over it and keep your nose out of my private business. You’re not going to know anyway! I’m not distinctively different from any other man. That’s not asking for special treatment or entitled. That’s me needing the fucking toilet and going in a sanitary manner. Jesus! I don’t participate in lgbt crap or think adding toilets is necessary. It’s all a construct to which people conform anyway. The whole point of self actualisation was to step out of the construct not to be forced back into it by people who think they’re being spiritual. beyond the imagined body is an infinite awareness. What my ‘person’ is, is an individuated expression of that. It’s not going to be the same from person to person and you will find variations of people that are so different from you that you’ll question what is ‘normal’. Normal is local to you as to the frequency with which you experience something and are familiar with it. That’s it! i never say anything to anyone, I never tell my story or identify randomly to people, I just mind my own business like everyone else. only when I ‘tell the story’ of my person do ‘others’ form opinions and react to a concept that’s all in their heads when right up until that point they were dealing with the direct reality and there wasn’t a problem. all in their heads! if this issue really bothers you then stop complaining about it and go study human sexual biology at the depths and perspectives you’ve never contemplated before. you also need to consider that the only ones jumping on this as a problem are those inducing division by scapegoating to keep your attention external and away from your own personal development.

@Husseinisdoingfine perhaps it would be of use to get to the core of your anger and to understand the mechanism of how it was set up in your mind as the ‘go to’ reaction in the first place. I cannot garuntee any success but I used to have a raging anger. I would hold things for a long time and cut people out of my life because of it. When I traced my anger back to the very first time it happened, I realised it was a programmed/ conditioned reaction my ‘childhood’ self had learned for survival. When I understood this, I was able to see the trigger in what a person said or behaviour towards me. Because I knew what it was, I was able to catch myself before reacting to it and the anger very quickly left me. It took a bit of mindful work but I no longer get angry at all…. we could try this?

Everything is nothing so there can’t be one point of view due to contrast. It needs other point of view to know point of view.

@thedoorsareopen the word faith is what I interpret as ‘holding to your own truest version of self’ and not faltering from it. Creating from your own infinite potential in alignment with what brings you joy. it’s part of my creation process and a type of belief ( not a belief at the human level but the use of belief in reality construction. Imagining something into being from a state of no self and using belief to deceive yourself as to hold it as real. Faith is standing by it until it starts to materialise) nothing to do with religion or god but rather a mechanism of the mind.

I understand that. i wasn’t aware I had suppressed my sexuality at the time I met her. She was my first. It’s only now I healed that part of me that there is an entire phase of experience in my life I never got to go through ( my wife reckons it’s because I was pretty reclused by my condition during my teens when all of this would have been happening as most normal teens go out and explore) . On my death bed it will certainly be a regret not to have known that or even worse to have denied that I was more orientated with polyamory. My wife understands that but at the same time did not marry with that agreement. I would have to leave her to do that but it’s not relationships that I’m looking for. It’s moments when they are called for during a meaningful connection. I don’t want to shut that out now that my heart has truly opened. That would differ from yours where you are looking for multiple relationships where you are obligated to live with to some degree, multiple people? As in non marital polygamy?