Spiritual Warrior

I wouldn't try to grasp or hold on to it, this will get you right back into the funk that you were in. You got into the state that you were in precisely because you let go of the need to grasp or cling onto something. Its very paradoxical.

What is death?

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #221 ~ Sat Sep 12 '26 Daily goals: Wake up at 7:30 AM: 3 Make bed: 37 Take medication: 54 Shower: 54 Groom hair: 54 Brush teeth: 54 Floss: 4 Kriya yoga: 0 Push ups & pull ups: 0 No porn: 5 No ejaculation: 5 No electronics before bed: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Do laundry: 7 Clean room: 7 Clean car: 6 Things to do: Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it - I have a number to call to pay it off Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #220~ Fri Sep 11 '26 Daily goals: Wake up at 7:30 AM: 2 Make bed: 36 Take medication: 53 Shower: 53 Groom hair: 53 Brush teeth: 53 Floss: 3 Kriya yoga: 0 Push ups & pull ups: No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 No electronics before bed: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 7 Clean room: 7 Clean car: 6 Things to do: Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it - I have a number to call to pay it off Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #219~ Thu Sep 10 '26 Thank you to the universe for allowing me to find a job that I love. Thank you to my parents for giving me a trauma free childhood. Thank you to all of my friends who are nice to me and support me, I love you all. Thank you God for this opportunity to live in the dream state and create. That is the point of life, it is to create. Think about that, you can create ANYTHING that you want. That is so cool! Now go out and enjoy yourself! I'm starting to think that this girl is actually a big distraction for me right now. Of course I want her, but there are so many things that I'm trying to get a handle on outside of my infatuation for her. Why can't I just focus on that first. You keep complaining that you have too many things going on, but you are creating this life for yourself. You are investing your time and energy into all of these things, don't you see that. This isn't neccessarily bad, you are vaiuable now, you value your own time, other people value your time, but god damn, theres too much going on to actually pursue a state of no mind. I have to go, byeeeeee. Daily goals: Wake up at 7:30 AM: 1 Make bed: 35 Take medication: 52 Shower: 52 Groom hair: 52 Brush teeth: 52 Floss: 2 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 3 No electronics before bed: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 5 Wash face before bed: 5 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 7 Clean room: 7 Clean car: 6 Things to do: Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it - I have a number to call to pay it off Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week Wash sandals - Cancel dance lesson with dan

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #218~ Wed Sep 9 '26 I have become more aware of the hypocrisy of my own behavior. I become jealous when this girl that I like is touchy feely or flirty with her students, but I am literally the biggest flirt with my students, always smiling and joking around with them. Double standards. I am starting to feel really pessimistic right now and I don't understand why. Its as if this veil has been lifted that is my life and now everything feels pointless. What am I going to do about this? I feel like things are pointless now, I mean what is worthy of my time anymore? Do I still want to pursue this girl? Should I just shut everybody out so that I can pursue enlightenment? Do I just want to relax? I mean the good news is that the world is your oyster and you can do and create whatever the fuck you want. But God damn, everything fuckin' pointless! How do I let this feeling go? You just do it, just let it go, let it all out. What do I want? I want to be a great husband. I want to be enlightened. I want to be able to let go and relax. I want to help my students grow substantially. I want to be God realized. I want to be in a great mood all the time. I want to handle business. Great, now let it all goo.... Daily goals: Make bed: 34 Take medication: 51 Shower: 51 Groom hair: 51 Brush teeth: 51 Floss: 1 Kriya yoga: 1 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 4 Wash face before bed: 4 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 7 Clean room: 7 Clean car: 6 Things to do: Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week Wash sandals -

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #217 ~ Tue Sep 8 '26 I want to add a push ups and pull ups regimen to my morning routine. I'm also going to take out the protein shakes, I just don't see it being sustainable and sometimes you simply just have to switch things up. Ideally, I wake up at 8 am, I go upstairs and eat my granola / cereal with milk and get a coffee. Wake up at 7:30 am Make bed Take medication Drink coffee, eat cereal Journal 8:00 Take a shower, groom hair, etc. 8:30 Push ups / pull ups 9:00 Kriyah Yoga 9:30 Pack lunch and fill waters 9:40 Leave for work For food: Cereal w/ milk, lentils w/ rice, tuna when I get home Daily goals: Make bed: 33 Take medication: 50 Shower: 50 Groom hair: 50 Brush teeth: 50 Floss: 0 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 8 Brush teeth before bed: 3 Wash face before bed: 3 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 6 Clean car: 5 Things to do: FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days - it just came in Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week Wash sandals -

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #216 ~ Mon Sep 7 '26 I Daily goals: Shower: 49 Groom hair: 49 Brush teeth: 49 Floss: 0 Take medication: 49 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 32 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 7 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 2 Wash face before bed: 2 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 ( ☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 6 Clean car: 5 Things to do: FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days - it just came in Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week Wash sandals -

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #94 ~ Sun Aug 20 '26 ~ 10:48 AM This is a rant. Sometimes, my Autolysis journals will look like this. My mind is starting to contemplate things that it may not be ready for. Strap yourself in because this ride is going to get bumpy. here i will be contemplating the ultimate Truth, what is death? Death is the ultimate Truth in the sense that there is nothing more final than death. It canot have any other meaning. To understand the Truth about death means that you understand the entire Universe. We are talking about the Absolute realm right here. And the Absolute realm is right here, right here in front of me. But the problem is right now I am not conscious of it. I feel like I'm on a high right now. But tomorrow is going to come and all of a sudden I am going to be roped right back down into social games. But I do know what I want out of life. And it ain't so easy to distinguish right from wrong. Maybe I should eat two cans of sardines every night... I'm getting away from the topic at hand. Life is a mystery in the sense that we're not supposed to find out all of its deepest darkest secrets. This finite being is not supposed to become Enlightened. He is here for a different reason, to survive. I now have such a great foundation of what Truth work really is and why it is important. If I didn't care about Truth, then I wouldn't know what to do with my life, I wouldn't have a direction. I do want to have children one day, maybe when I'm 35 years old. I am here on this desolate planet with no one to turn to and no where to go. Where would you go anyways when you die. Theres nothing else but right here. You are here and you are shackled, attached to this body and mind, trying desperately to hold on to something for stability when there ain't any (or theres infinite stability depensing on which way you look at it.) Burn the ego to the ground, thats what my mind keeps saying, but I want to love the ego wth all my heart, just like I love Izzy. If you love someone truly, then you will be able to let them go. You will always have to let them go in the end anyways. But enjoy your time with them, theres nothing wrong with that. Even if you get married, that doesn't mean that you own the person. I am afraid that I won't end up with her. If you don't end up with her, then she simply wasn't right for you. The Universe does not make mistakes. This whole thing is so much bigger than you.

This is my first honest attempt at doing spiritual autolysis. This is a method to attaining truth- realization coined by Jed McKenna. "Autolysis" means self-digestion, and "Spiritual" means the level of self that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional aspects. All you really have to do is write the truth. Just write down what you know is true, or what you think is true, and just keeping writing, until you come up with something that is true. Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #1 - Wed Apr 19 '23 - 8:28 AM Lower self: I am a human being. My name is Ben. I know that I am a human being because I was told that I am a human being from my schooling and my parents and everyone else within society. I am told that we as human beings have evolved from chimpanzees or bonobos. Higher self: Okay... do you have any direct experience of yourself as being a human being? Lower self: No... this is just what I have been told. Higher self: Okay... then how do you know that it is true? Lower self: Well... I don't. I am just trusting what other people have told me. Higher self: Okay, then we agree that you do not know for a fact that you are a human being? Lower self: Yes. I agree... My name is Ben though. I was given this name from my parents when I first came out of the womb. Higher self: Have you ever experienced what it means to be Ben? Lower self: Well... I have a bunch of beliefs and pictures in my head that I feel like embody who I, or Ben is as a person, i.e. what Ben is good at, what he's bad at, which people are my best friends, who Ben's family is, etc. Higher self: Okay... Would you agree that these are all just beliefs and pictures in your head, this Ben cannot be a truth within the universe. There is nothing fundamental about it. You do not know what it is like to be Ben. These are all just fictions in your head, beliefs about yourself, there is no being to speak of. Lower self: Yes, I agree. I am starting to see a recurring pattern here. Does the truth lie within being? Higher self: Yes, I think so. Lower self: Well how do you know? Higher self: Well... I don't know, it just seems like the correct way of thinking about things. If all of these beliefs and fictions in our heads are just that, fictions like Pete Ralston has talked about, then how else are we going to come to the truth about things. Lower self: First off, you are putting your faith in Peter Ralston too much. How do you know what he is saying is true? Higher self: You're right, I don't. I want to question what he is saying as well. But... we have already established that there is no inherent truth to the Ben label or the human being label, correct? And this has been established because when we boil down the human being label, this is just a label that other people have come up with in order to label what this species should be called. We call this species human beings. No pure truth to this. Just a label. Same with the beliefs that you hold about Ben, no pure, fundamental truth there either. That is what this work is all about, cutting past all of the bullshit labels and getting to what is truly TRUE. That is what we are after here, and I think this was a good start young Padawan. Lower self: Thank you When will we speak again? Higher self: When you are ready.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #215 ~ Sun Sep 6 '26 I hate cooking. Like I really don't like it. However, I want to be healthy. How am I going to be healthy without cooking. I want to start having cereal in the morning. 7 wishes with whole, organic, pasture raised milk. Then i want some lentils with rice. What about the meat? Can I just have that when I get home from work? Will that be enough protein? Maybe... depends, I've been trying to eat 150 g , but is that too much? Do I really need that much protein? So no more protein shake? Correct, no more protein shake. 7 wishes: 16 g protein, lentils: 20 g protein, Rice 10 g protein, sardines 18g protein Sometimes I feel like I am blindly trusting what I hear from books about a subject. The bottom line is that I have not liked the progress that I've gotten in the gym based on the routines that I am engaging in right now, so I am now on a quest to figure out a better path. I've gained some muscle, theres no doubt about it and I now have a workout regimen that I am following on a weekly basis, these are all necessary things to sort out in life.. Daily goals: Shower: 48 Groom hair: 48 Brush teeth: 48 Floss: 7 Take medication: 48 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 31 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 6 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 ( ☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 6 Clean car: 5 Things to do: FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days - it just came in Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls - idk how to pay it Get new light bulbs - ACE hardware on Saturday of next week Wash sandals - Call about hospital bill

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #214 ~ Fri Sep 4 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 46 Groom hair: 46 Brush teeth: 46 Floss: 5 Take medication: 46 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 29 Kriya yoga: 1 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 ( ☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 6 Clean car: 5 Things to do: FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days - it just came in Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls Get new light bulbs Wash sandals Call about hospital bill

Here's a video of Kevin Hart roasting Meek Mill and his squad. The frame that he excuses is incredible, he's confident, unfazed and has complete control over the audience. Not to mention, he's only 5'3". Watch this for inspiration on what it takes to be charismatic and to lead others.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #213~ Thu Sep 3 '26 What is it that you want? I want a girl in my life. Someone that I can grow with and have a good time with. I want to make a lot of money doing what I love, dancing. I want to get closer to God. I want to understand the Truth of the universe. I want to be jacked and shredded. I want to have integrity and to be an impressive man. I want to have a good work ethic and to also understand other people and what makes them tick. I want to start letting go of all of my neurotic tendencies. Daily goals: Shower: 45 Groom hair: 45 Brush teeth: 45 Floss: 4 Take medication: 45 Drink protein shake: 2 Make bed: 28 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 3 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 4 ( ☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 6 Clean car: 5 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break tomorrow (Wednesday) FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls Get new light bulbs Wash sandals

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #212 ~ Wed Sep 2 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 44 Groom hair: 44 Brush teeth: 44 Floss: 3 Take medication: 44 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 27 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 2 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 17 Wash face before bed: 17 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 ( ☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 6 Clean car: 5 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break tomorrow (Wednesday) Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls Call Daniele - ask what the song means to her Get new light bulbs Wash sandals

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #211 ~ Tue Sep 1 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 43 Groom hair: 43 Brush teeth: 43 Floss: 2 Take medication: 43 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 26 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 1 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 16 Wash face before bed: 16 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 ( ☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 6 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break tomorrow (Wednesday) Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - I called and I ordered a new sim card for new phone - will come in the mail in 3-5 business days Get new card at L Bank Set up high yield savings account Pay tolls Call Daniele - ask what the song means to her Get new light bulbs

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #210 ~ Mon Aug 31 '26 A lot of things have been going on in my life recently. I had a date with a girl yesterday and I made out with her in a park. I took shrooms last night and experienced a gnarly but mind-opening trip (I'll explain later,) my lessons have been growing substantially, I am allowing myself to rest more, I've been flirting with my co worker, who I kissed last Thursday during a Truth or Dare game, I've been working out a lot and my physique has been growing, I am starting to take inventory of all of my projects at work, and I am happy, truly happy. What a great job I've been doing. I've decided that no ejaculation forever is not sustainable, I think a good balance would be to go two weeks without ejaculating. This allows my energy to rise throughout those two weeks and then I get a pleasurable release when I finally do allow myself to keel over and it doesn't zap my energy too much. I really need to fix my phone, I am going to do that tomorrow, no matter what. I have a lot fo projects to practice when I get into work, I can't wait to start on them. I've started to write down all of my projects in that choreography book. I'd like to carry that around with me at all times. My shrooms experience: Okay, I've only got 7 minutes to explain what happened to me on Saturday night. I visited my sister and I helped take care of my nieces. She was very appreciative and I had a great time. At the end of the night, my brother-in-law and his friend were taking shrooms so I joined in. He warned me before we took them that they are strong. I've taken shrooms at least 20 times by now so I feel almost like a veteran. What I experienced next is difficult to explain and to comprehend and I really don't know what to make of it, anyways, here goes... The first thing I experienced, I was sitting cross legged, with my spine somewhat erect (I've learned this from my kriya yoga sessions and I attempt to do this when I'm sitting down and relaxing because it puts me into a heightened consciousness state. Anyways, brother in law and friend were talking for a while so I just sat there and observed. Then the friend leaves and I am there with my brother in law. We start talking, I'm having a hard time remembering what he was saying but I started to look at him like this poor helpless child that is deeply insecure and that hates himself. This is an overreaction, but there's a lot of truth to it. In the moment, I felt like a heightened being, the friend came back and it felt like they were both looking at me for a direction, they didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know how to feel about that. And then it dawned on me that if I want to teach meditation or kriya yoga one day, I have to be that person, that "enlightened" person that is leading these people towards something. This made me feel vulnerable and I was afraid that I couldn't handle all of that pressure. We decide that we're going to watch Fantasia because I haven't seen it yet. My brother in law tries to put it on the TV but he can't figure it out. He is getting angry and I don't know what to do so I just observe. Then something happens that I have no idea what to make of, his phone starts to make a staticy sound, one that sounded like aliens communicating with us. I mean what the actual fuck is going on?! And he literally cannot shut it off. It sounded like aliens, truly it did. And I asked about him the next morning and he confirmed that it happened. Anyways, this freaked me out so I went inside and laid down in my room. For some reason, I started viewing these two humans, brother in law and friend as evil, as if they are up to no good, even though I love them both, truly, but in this mindset, I was experiencing something different. When you're on shrooms, you don't see people based on their background or personal history anymore, you see them based on energy and vibe. I saw or felt something dark about them, I don't know why or how and I didn't know what to do about it. Of course, was this a real instinctual feeling or was this just my mind fucking me over, which definitely happens later in this story, we will get to that soon. Now strap yourself in because I'm just getting started. I lay down in the room that I'm set up in. Its difficult to distinguish the order of events from this point on but I will do my best. One of the things that started to happen was I started pacing back and forth in my room. I could feel my body or mind or whatever it is (having a hard time distinguishing between body and mind) start to spiral, I could feel something dark coming towards me, it was an insight and I could feel myself not wanting to deal with it. It was death. I had the opportunity to experience death. I continue to pace and I am freaking out. I DONT WANNA DIE. I DONT WANNA DIE. I then hear voices coming from outside, they are talking about me in a negative light. I then realize that I can control the voices and I put a positive spin on them , this works for a little while and now I'm dancing around my room, but then the negative voices come back again. From then on, its a battle to keep myself positive. This right here is clearly in the mind, these are my thoughts, but they felt so much more real given the drug that I was on. My thoughts were heightened and louder, making them feel real. Couple that with what I forgot to mention, my personal history was null at this point, I didn't know who I was, I knew my name and I had vague memories of what I do for work and some of the people in my life, but most of that was gone and I was just experiencing whatever this magic mushroom wanted me to experience. I start pacing again, back and forth, back and forth, trying to figure out what is going on. There is something here with me, I felt, an insight that I dont want to look at. I continue to pace in agony for a while. Eventually, I am able to look at this family photo, its of my brother in laws parents and it made me realize something, this, what I'm looking at, what I'm experiencing is all ONE. It is all one thing, we are all connected and therefore, you can create whatever the fuck you want, literally, you can create anything that you'd like. This was a deep realization for me and it felt so real, I knew it was real as soon as I realized it. Thats the difference between that and some of those negative thoughts that I was experiencing. We are ALWAYS in a battle with the ego, or with the I-thought. He gets in the way every fuckin' time. But he is a scared little child. Maybe thats why I looked at my brother in law in that way, I was seeing his ego and I was taken aback by it. I saw the ugliness of it and I didn't want to look at it anymore. I wish I could go back and analyze or experience again everything that went on. But unfortunately, journaling about it is the best I can do and it is helping. The next thing I experienced was I felt my body get really wet, but not like a soaked wet, I felt like a purified ball of light that was shining, it felt amazing. I felt on top of the world, like I could do anything. I straightened my spine and continued to dance around the room, feeling the magnificence of this state. Unfortunately, this didn't last long. My mind tricks me again and this time with something even more sinister. My brother in law and friend were right outside my bedroom but I didn't know it was them, all I was hearing were voices. At first, I heard them talking shit about me, I felt agitated but also stuck, feeling like I couldn't do anything about it. They were not actually talking about me, but my mind tricked me into thinking this. Then, it gets even worse, my mind starts to create a scenario in which these high schoolers are the voices outside, they are poking fun at me and they are talking about getting inside of the house and raping my nieces. I start to freak out, I get angry, really angry, I'm fuckin pissed right now. I can't believe my mind has tricked me into thinking that this is real. That these voices inside of my head are real things. I can see the danger now of this drug. If I wasn't as mature as I am now I could have absolutely freak out out of paranoia. I decide that I have to say something to these kids. I'll run out there and beat the shit out of all of them if I have to. I yell to them "Yo, are you good?" in an assertive voice... Its just my brother in law and his friend grabbing these halloween skeletons out of the shed. As soon as this happens, I calm right back down. But holy fuck man, this magic mushroom is taking me on an absolute ride. My trips have become gnarlier and gnarlier over the years, I'm definitely not going to do it again for a while. The last thing that happened is difficult to comprehend, but I will try my best. I started thinking about this girl from work that I have a crush on. It felt like she was right outside of my door, it felt like I could open the door up and see her. I open the door and the only one that is outside is the dog, I pet her for a little while and I realize that she is filled with love, pure love. I head back to my room and I lay there on the floor for a while longer, continuing to experience things that make no sense in physical reality. Thats about all I got, I eventually fell asleep at like 4 or 5 am. Gnarly fuckin' trip man, very gnarly, this seems to be a pattern at this point. Now that I'm removed from the experience, I feel grateful that I experienced something out of this world and I feel a sense of accomplishment that I was able to handle it. Moving forward, I am going to work on distinguishing between my mind and the feeling state of intuition, what is the difference between the two and how do I distinguish one from the other. The feeling state, from my experience is much more trustworthy, The mind can cause absolute chaos. To be able to identify when the mind is going on one of its favorite tangents is a skill I will continue to work on. This is what I've learned from these magic mushrooms. Namaste. *** Never mind about ejaculating every two weeks, my energy is zapped right now, I hate my mental state, there is nothing that's propelling me forward anymore, I feel like a slug and I don't know what to do about it. No more ejaculation. Maybe after an entire month, but fuck this state that I'm in right now, I don't know how people live like this. Things to do tomorrow: Cook food Cash check and get new card Get oil changed Do laundry Daily goals: Shower: 42 Groom hair: 42 Brush teeth: 42 Floss: 1 Take medication: 42 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 25 Kriya yoga: 10 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 0 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 15 Wash face before bed: 15 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - Tuesday? Need to find new phone first Cash check and get new card

Here is a high quality resource for leaning about the 9 stages of ego development. This is essential if you want to understand yourself better. Which stage are you at? Diplomat / Conformist Stage Self - Conscious / Expert The Achiever The Individualist The Strategist Magician Ego Unitive / Ironist BEYOND EGO

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #209 ~ Sun Aug 30 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 41 Groom hair: 41 Brush teeth: 41 Floss: 0 Take medication: 41 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 24 Kriya yoga: 9 No porn: 14 No ejaculation: 14 Eat 150 g of protein: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 14 Wash face before bed: 14 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - Tuesday? Need to find new phone first

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #208 ~ Sat Aug 28 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 40 Groom hair: 40 Brush teeth: 40 Floss: 10 Take medication: 40 Drink protein shake: 5 Make bed: 23 Kriya yoga: 8 No porn: 13 No ejaculation: 13 Eat 150 g of protein: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 13 Wash face before bed: 13 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Figure out where you're going Sunday Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #207 ~ Fri Aug 28 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 39 Groom hair: 39 Brush teeth: 39 Floss: 9 Take medication: 39 Drink protein shake: 4 Make bed: 22 Kriya yoga: 7 No porn: 12 No ejaculation: 12 Eat 150 g of protein: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 12 Wash face before bed: 12 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Figure out where you're going Sunday Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #206 ~ Thu Aug 27 '26 Things are going VERY WELL for me right now. I am happy. I will continue to try and turn off my mind in favor of a more conscious feeling state moving forward. Kriya yoga will be helping with that. Cheers. Daily goals: Shower: 38 Groom hair: 38 Brush teeth: 38 Floss: 8 Take medication: 38 Drink protein shake: 3 Make bed: 21 Kriya yoga: 6 No porn: 11 No ejaculation: 11 Eat 150 g of protein: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 11 Wash face before bed: 11 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Review Pam Waltz Cut Tyler and Amanda music

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #205 ~ Wed Aug 26 '26 I want to marry this girl. I want to marry her and have kids with her. I haven't even taken her on a date yet but I want to marry her. Will I look back at this post and say "I called it!" or will I look back on this and laugh? Only time will tell. I've been trying to let go of my thoughts in favor of focusing on the breath. Before I settle down with this woman, there are some things that I feel I have to exhaust and learn first. Over these next few years, I am going to work on exactly that. What are some of those things? I want to hook up with at least a few more women. I have another girl I'm talking to and I have some speed dating events that I plan to attend. I know full well that I don't want to end up with anyone else, but who knows, life is full of surprises. Nice job on the habit tracker, you're doing great, champ. Daily goals: Shower: 37 Groom hair: 37 Brush teeth: 37 Floss: 7 Take medication: 37 Drink protein shake: 2 Make bed: 20 Kriya yoga: 5 No porn: 10 No ejaculation: 10 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 10 Wash face before bed: 10 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Call Pam to figure out Friday Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Review Pam Waltz Cut Tyler and Amanda music Practice NC 2 step

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #205 ~ Tue Aug 25 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 36 Groom hair: 36 Brush teeth: 36 Floss: 6 Take medication: 36 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 19 Kriya yoga: 4 No porn: 9 No ejaculation: 9 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 9 Wash face before bed: 9 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Call Pam to figure out Friday Change oil (I can't get my hood open) Figure out a better way to track schedule Cut Liz and Aaron music Cut Mary ann music Review Pam Waltz Cut Jon and Krista music Cut Stephanie and Tyler music Cut Tyler and Amanda music Call Tyler and Amanda to confirm Practice NC 2 step Good job! I'm so proud of you.