Spiritual Warrior

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #265 ~ Fri Nov 6 '26 Daily Goals: Make bed: 93 Take medication: 110 Shower: 110 Groom hair: 110 Brush teeth: 110 Floss: 7 Kriya yoga: 4 Porn free: 2 Ejaculation free: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 13 Clean room: 13 Clean car: 13

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

An enlightened person does not experience emotional triggers All emotional triggers come from a threatening of the ego. If you want to shine a lot on your ego, just wait until something happens that triggers you emotionally. Then in comes the whiny little ego. The enlightened person has no ego in which to get triggered. He realizes that the ego is completely false and therefore cannot be threatened or killed. Its already dead. There is no ego to speak of. This is why enlightened beings are at peace. They have achieved complete emotional mastery simply because there is nothing for the emotions to attach themselves to. The emotion is still there, but it now carrys no weight. Its as if the emotion is like a magnet, if you're still attached to your ego, then you have a magnetic pull towards your emotions. Once you are enlightened however, your magnetism subsides and now there is nothing for the emotional magnet to attach itself to. Wouldn't that be cool?

When i wrote this post Ill admit, I was talking about much less severe blows to the ego, such as an insult, feeling unloved, getting cut off in traffic, etc. My mind didn't go to the much more extreme experiences of life, such as a loved one dying. I would like to think that when I am enlightened, I will still cry when my wife or children pass on.

Become the observer of your life, not the participant.

I have realized that the ego is false. It is a mental construct within my own head, there is nothing inherently true about it, it changes day to day, situation to situation. However, I have not cut the attachment cord from my ego. So I would say ive experienced a glimpse of the truth of no self but have not embodied it. The ego does not want to die, it is going to put up a fight until I eventually vanquish it from my psyche.

I don't think someone thats enlightened has the capacity to react. Thats what im arguing. Then again, im not enlightened yet so how would I know..

I like it, an enlightened person has realized the Truth to reality, he is what you would call Truth-realized. En enlightened being realizes that he is this one Truth and lives within this state of awareness. The being that he is does not change one bit. But his awareness is turned up so much that he is aware of Truth at all times. This is what it means to be enlightened.

Yes, thats correct. The emotions and thoughts are still there but the reactivity to the thoughts and emotions will cease.

Mmmmmm good question, I would describe an emotional trigger as a negative emotion that elicits an agitation or a recoil of the ego. The human being will then either close themselves off from others or lash out depending on their personality type. Emotions themselves are a constant though, always running in the background of a human beings psyche.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #264 ~ Thu Nov 5 '26 I want to be an enlightened dancer. I love my work and I need to discover the Truth about reality. I don't need to share it with anyone either, I want to finish what I started and become enlightened. And beyond that, just live a normal everyday, modest life doing what I love to do which is work with people, create choreography, and give my students something to live for. Daily Goals: Make bed: 92 Take medication: 109 Shower: 109 Groom hair: 109 Brush teeth: 109 Floss: 6 Kriya yoga: 3 Porn free: 1 Ejaculation free: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 13 Clean room: 13 Clean car: 13

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #263 ~ Wed Nov 4 '26 Daily goals: Make bed: 91 Take medication: 108 Shower: 108 Groom hair: 108 Brush teeth: 108 Floss: 5 Kriya yoga: 2 Porn free: 0 Ejaculation free: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 13 Clean room: 13 Clean car: 13

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #263 ~ Tue Nov 3 '26 I AM GOINF TO GO 40 DGOS STRAIGHT PORN AND EJACULATION FREE Daily goals: Make bed: 90 Take medication: 107 Shower: 107 Groom hair: 107 Brush teeth: 107 Floss: 4 Kriya yoga: 1 Porn free: 1 Ejaculation free: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 8 Wash face before bed: 8 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #262 ~ Sun Nov 2 '26 The ego is false. It is a fabrication of the mind and should therefore be let go. Daily goals: Make bed: 89 Take medication: 106 Shower: 106 Groom hair: 106 Brush teeth: 106 Floss: 3 Kriya yoga: 0 Porn free: 0 Ejaculation free: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 7 Wash face before bed: 7 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12

To be aware of ones death is the best motivation to live life to its fullest, right down to its final drop.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #261 ~ Sun Nov 1 '26 My new material goal is to get really good at sex. I want to have a spiritual, a metaphysical, a deeply intimate connection with this women through touch and foreplay and intercourse. That is my next goal. At first, I felt embarrassed that I wasn't turning her on, but this is a dream state goal, there is nothing to feel embarrassed about and don't you dare let it ruin your mood. You're doing many great things, keep at it. This is just another thing to work on. Have fun figuring this out, be receptive to how she responds to your touch and don't do this for your gain and benefit. The benefits come later, learn her body first, learn what turns her on first. And continue to work on your physique and finances. Daily goals: Make bed: 88 Take medication: 105 Shower: 105 Groom hair: 105 Brush teeth: 105 Floss: 2 Kriya yoga: 1 Porn free: 5 Ejaculation free: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 6 Wash face before bed: 6 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12

The Ego I've been shining a lot of light on my ego lately and I probably should give this "little guy in my head" some grace because hes just a scared little figment of my imagination that doesn't want to die, but I am as of right now disgusted by him. He is selfish, he is whiny, he doesn't care about others, he gets mad when things don't go his way. I mean come on man, grow the fuck up. Of course, when I say this, I am referring to the person that I am or that I identify with. That is what the ego is. At its core, this ego is a hallucination that I have been embodying since the day I was born. But now, at 31 years of age I am really starting to see it for what it is. And EVERYONE lives this way, everyone. We are all fine and dandy just living in this little dream world that honestly doesn't really give you the fulfillment that you are searching for. Every time I produce some achievement, there is never any real lasting happiness or fulfillment, its just on the next thing. There is something flawed here and I am determined to not live like this. Now that im 31 years old, I want to start thinking about if I want to have kids in a few years, do I want to stay at my job long term, etc... but its so hard to decide when I can now see that the ego taints all perceptions of reality in gunk. I want to clear the windshield and see reality exactly AS IT IS before I make any lifelong decisions.

That is the best description I could come up with. In reality, the ego is made up of nothing, it is a groundless structure. The next question would be to ask yourself, are there any grounded structures? Or in other words, is there anything in this reality that is not stained with falsity? All I know is that something is off. THIS AIN'T IT. "Although my primary epiphany could be summed up as Truth Exists, it was actually much more complicated than that. The flipside of Truth Exists is This Ain't It." ~ from Spiritual Warfare by Jed McKenna

Exactly how I feel right now. Luckily, I am a dance instructor so I get to be imaginative and creative on a daily basis through my work at least, which I am grateful for. This is what keeps my inner child alive. But in terms of building a future, I am not too sure what is the point of running a dance studio, of winning dance competitions, of getting maried and having children. It feels as if im pursuing these things in order to satisfy my ego, which is fundamentally false and "made up." Its as if I am building towards a life that is going to put me deeper and deeper inside of the dream state and that is NOT OKAY with me.

A Profound Problem with Consciousness Work: Realizing your own Selfishness What you will notice on your path towards Enlightenment or consciousness work in general is how selfish you truly are. This is a byproduct of the path. Before, you were not aware of the selfishness, you were blind to it, like an armadillo during the day time. I would like to give you an example: I am a ballroom dancer and we have these dance events in which we get paid for every "entry" that we dance with our students. One of my co workers had 7 more entries than me. This pissed me off, I thought to my self "how could she have more than me? I mean really, how?" I noticed this emotional trigger and kept digging, I wondered to myself, if my amount of entries stayed the same, but hers decreased significantly, would it make me feel better? And I am ashamed to admit that the the answer is yes, if she were less successful, I would feel better about myself and this is a person that on paper, I care about deeply. I mean what a fuckin' dick I am. I would rather this person be less successful so that I can simply feel better about my own success. I think that I'm this "highly developed person" yet I stoop to this level. I'm not ready to be a leader, not with this attitude. These are the growing pains and it is incredibly humbling. It puts into perspective how much farther there is to go to become a more tier two type of individual that is ready to truly lead others. "Sometimes its easy to forget that we spend most of our time stumbling around in the dark. Suddenly a light gets turned on and there is a fair share of blame to go around." - from the movie Spotlight Namaste.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #260 ~ Sat Oct 31 '26 There is nothing more important to me than finding out what's true. I just can't wait until I am done with this "Truth search." Imagine how good it would feel to not have to contemplate what is going on anymore. It would feel like such a huge weight off of my shoulders. There is nothing more important to me honestly. Yes, I want other things in this dream state but above all else I want to understand what's going on here, I want to exit the dream. I want to understand and embody what reality is in its purest, most naked form. I've been depressed over these past two weeks. I almost feel like I was happier when I was run entirely by emotion. But the reality is that I am noticing the egos interpretations of reality are exactly that, interpretations of reality. I now have a keen awareness of it and I am not okay with it. I want real Truth, real reality and in order to access it, I must must one of the scariest things I can think of, which is letting go of the ego, of the self. Daily goals: Make bed: 87 Take medication: 104 Shower: 104 Groom hair: 104 Brush teeth: 104 Floss: 1 Kriya yoga: 1 Porn free: 4 Ejaculation free: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 5 Wash face before bed: 5 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #258 ~ Fri Oct 30 '26 Daily goals: Make bed: 86 Take medication: 103 Shower: 103 Groom hair: 103 Brush teeth: 103 Floss: 0 Kriya yoga: 0 Porn free: 3 Ejaculation free: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 4 Wash face before bed: 4 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #258 ~ Thu Oct 29 '26 What are the projects that I am working on right now? What is going on in my life? For starters, I have a woman in my life now. She is wonderful and I enjoy spending time with her. I have a lot of friends and I try my best to show them love consistently throughout their lives. I have a job at the dance studio that I love Daily goals: Make bed: 85 Take medication: 102 Shower: 102 Groom hair: 102 Brush teeth: 102 Floss: 0 Kriya yoga: 0 Porn free: 2 Ejaculation free: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 3 Wash face before bed: 3 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #258 ~ Tue Oct 27 '26 Really though, what has happened to my motivation and discipline. Its completely shot. Im not impressed with myself right now. My physique is shit and my discipline is shit. Is it really that hard to have a workout routine that you stick to or to not use porn before you go to bed? Or to actually get your ass out of bed when the alarm goes off. I am hinestly deeply dissappinted in myself. I thought i was better than that. But you know what, this is what this journal is about. I must persevere. I will find the motivation and the discipline to achieve all of my goals and habits. * This morning, i had my alarm set for 8 am. I did wake up at that time, but I then layed in bed for another 30 minutes. I then went up stairs to shower and brush my teeth and I even gave myself a haircut. Im starting to lose my hair and I have to do things differently now. I can't wait until the day that I can take a couple of months off from work just because. How much money should I have prior to doing that? 50k? I then started cooking. The chicken that I am cooking is a week past when its supposed to be used so im not sure if I should really be eating it. I probably shouldn't. I also watched porn last night before bed, its just so unfortunate that I can't seem to have the self discipline to stop these habits. Then again, you are going at your own pace, you will figure all this stuff out, it just takes time. * Ive started using a physical trainer. With this new expense, in order for me not to be in the negatives, i will need to find a way to make an extra ~$1000 every month for at least 6 months until I can at least stop the physical training expense, which is $400 a month. My base salary is about $2000. I have an event that will get me an extra $200 in November and I am also housesittijg which will get me another $200. Now i need another $600 to make ends meet. Did I jump the gun on hiring a physical trainer? I could spend less this month as well? I will ask my parents if they need help with anything. I think my dad will need some help with his leaves. It never hurts to ask! And I will see if my mom needs anything, they probably do. Then, planning ahead towards December, I will be getting an extra $500 for a dance event so thats just another 500 more that I will need past that, again ask your parents. There is also a couple of outside studio parties. If I build my lessons up for that first week of December, I should be able to get a little extra cash plus helping my parents. And maybe someone will have me housesit for them. I can also sell the smart phones that I have. Daily goals: Make bed: 83 Take medication: 100 Shower: 100 Groom hair: 100 Brush teeth: 100 Floss: 0 Kriya yoga: 0 Porn free: 0 Ejaculation free: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 6 Do laundry: 12 Clean room: 12 Clean car: 12 Things to do: Figure out phone situation - go to the mall and get phone reactivated - do this on Saturday Sell the phones that you do have To do when I get home: Cut music for Mary Ann, Amanda and Tyler, Wednesday: 8 am wake up and shower 8:30 kriya yoga 9:00 eat breakfast 9:30 leave for work 10:00 dance training 12:00 dance training 2:00 work 10:00 get out of work

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #257 ~ Mon Oct 26 '26 I can feel myself wanting to just chill out. This seems like a never ending battle. I always want to just chill but I always seem to have way too much going on. Is this a trap in which I am forever going to be disappointed and never have the time that I want to just "chill out?" Have things gotten better in this area? Okay, so I REALLY want a strategy to get my workout routine going. Its still not there yet and the thing is that I don't know where to start. I have dance practice again tomorrow morning and after that I am going to take a long break from any additional dance practices. I am continuing to push back on anything additional as I am trying to find more time for me to read books and to contemplate life and to work out. I want a nice simple life in which I make money providing value towards others. I am already sick of working so much. Is this me being lazy? No, I don't think so. I crave time to relax and to read books. One issue that I continue to do to myself though is the fact that every time I do have relaxation time, I watch things on my phone instead. I wish I wouldn't do that. What am I doing tomorrow? Do laundry Start passport process Cook food for myself 8 am put laundry in / Shower 8:30 kriya yoga 9:00 eat breakfast and coffee 9:30 cook chicken and rice 10:30 leave for practice 11 am practice 12:30 film fantasy football 3 pm work out 4 work 10 get out of work Daily goals: Make bed: 82 Take medication: 99 Shower: 99 Groom hair: 99 Brush teeth: 99 Floss: 0 Kriya yoga: 0 Porn free: 5 Ejaculation free: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 (XOO) Give yourself a haircut: 5 Do laundry: 11 Clean room: 11 Clean car: 11 What are some things that I'd like to do: 1. Create a plan to reach my physique goals 2. Accept the fact that cardiac rehab overcharged me and just go with it 3. Get a handle on my schedule and attempt to develop some discipline around that 4. Cut out all unnecessary and unhealthy behaviors (drinking, surfing the web)