Spiritual Warrior

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #210 ~ Mon Aug 31 '26 A lot of things have been going on in my life recently. I had a date with a girl yesterday and I made out with her in a park. I took shrooms last night and experienced a gnarly but mind-opening trip (I'll explain later,) my lessons have been growing substantially, I am allowing myself to rest more, I've been flirting with my co worker, who I kissed last Thursday during a Truth or Dare game, I've been working out a lot and my physique has been growing, I am starting to take inventory of all of my projects at work, and I am happy, truly happy. What a great job I've been doing. I've decided that no ejaculation forever is not sustainable, I think a good balance would be to go two weeks without ejaculating. This allows my energy to rise throughout those two weeks and then I get a pleasurable release when I finally do allow myself to keel over and it doesn't zap my energy too much. I really need to fix my phone, I am going to do that tomorrow, no matter what. I have a lot fo projects to practice when I get into work, I can't wait to start on them. I've started to write down all of my projects in that choreography book. I'd like to carry that around with me at all times. My shrooms experience: Okay, I've only got 7 minutes to explain what happened to me on Saturday night. I visited my sister and I helped take care of my nieces. She was very appreciative and I had a great time. At the end of the night, my brother-in-law and his friend were taking shrooms so I joined in. He warned me before we took them that they are strong. I've taken shrooms at least 20 times by now so I feel almost like a veteran. What I experienced next is difficult to explain and to comprehend and I really don't know what to make of it, anyways, here goes... The first thing I experienced, I was sitting cross legged, with my spine somewhat erect (I've learned this from my kriya yoga sessions and I attempt to do this when I'm sitting down and relaxing because it puts me into a heightened consciousness state. Anyways, brother in law and friend were talking for a while so I just sat there and observed. Then the friend leaves and I am there with my brother in law. We start talking, I'm having a hard time remembering what he was saying but I started to look at him like this poor helpless child that is deeply insecure and that hates himself. This is an overreaction, but there's a lot of truth to it. In the moment, I felt like a heightened being, the friend came back and it felt like they were both looking at me for a direction, they didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know how to feel about that. And then it dawned on me that if I want to teach meditation or kriya yoga one day, I have to be that person, that "enlightened" person that is leading these people towards something. This made me feel vulnerable and I was afraid that I couldn't handle all of that pressure. We decide that we're going to watch Fantasia because I haven't seen it yet. My brother in law tries to put it on the TV but he can't figure it out. He is getting angry and I don't know what to do so I just observe. Then something happens that I have no idea what to make of, his phone starts to make a staticy sound, one that sounded like aliens communicating with us. I mean what the actual fuck is going on?! And he literally cannot shut it off. It sounded like aliens, truly it did. And I asked about him the next morning and he confirmed that it happened. Anyways, this freaked me out so I went inside and laid down in my room. For some reason, I started viewing these two humans, brother in law and friend as evil, as if they are up to no good, even though I love them both, truly, but in this mindset, I was experiencing something different. When you're on shrooms, you don't see people based on their background or personal history anymore, you see them based on energy and vibe. I saw or felt something dark about them, I don't know why or how and I didn't know what to do about it. Of course, was this a real instinctual feeling or was this just my mind fucking me over, which definitely happens later in this story, we will get to that soon. Now strap yourself in because I'm just getting started. I lay down in the room that I'm set up in. Its difficult to distinguish the order of events from this point on but I will do my best. One of the things that started to happen was I started pacing back and forth in my room. I could feel my body or mind or whatever it is (having a hard time distinguishing between body and mind) start to spiral, I could feel something dark coming towards me, it was an insight and I could feel myself not wanting to deal with it. It was death. I had the opportunity to experience death. I continue to pace and I am freaking out. I DONT WANNA DIE. I DONT WANNA DIE. I then hear voices coming from outside, they are talking about me in a negative light. I then realize that I can control the voices and I put a positive spin on them , this works for a little while and now I'm dancing around my room, but then the negative voices come back again. From then on, its a battle to keep myself positive. This right here is clearly in the mind, these are my thoughts, but they felt so much more real given the drug that I was on. My thoughts were heightened and louder, making them feel real. Couple that with what I forgot to mention, my personal history was null at this point, I didn't know who I was, I knew my name and I had vague memories of what I do for work and some of the people in my life, but most of that was gone and I was just experiencing whatever this magic mushroom wanted me to experience. I start pacing again, back and forth, back and forth, trying to figure out what is going on. There is something here with me, I felt, an insight that I dont want to look at. I continue to pace in agony for a while. Eventually, I am able to look at this family photo, its of my brother in laws parents and it made me realize something, this, what I'm looking at, what I'm experiencing is all ONE. It is all one thing, we are all connected and therefore, you can create whatever the fuck you want, literally, you can create anything that you'd like. This was a deep realization for me and it felt so real, I knew it was real as soon as I realized it. Thats the difference between that and some of those negative thoughts that I was experiencing. We are ALWAYS in a battle with the ego, or with the I-thought. He gets in the way every fuckin' time. But he is a scared little child. Maybe thats why I looked at my brother in law in that way, I was seeing his ego and I was taken aback by it. I saw the ugliness of it and I didn't want to look at it anymore. I wish I could go back and analyze or experience again everything that went on. But unfortunately, journaling about it is the best I can do and it is helping. The next thing I experienced was I felt my body get really wet, but not like a soaked wet, I felt like a purified ball of light that was shining, it felt amazing. I felt on top of the world, like I could do anything. I straightened my spine and continued to dance around the room, feeling the magnificence of this state. Unfortunately, this didn't last long. My mind tricks me again and this time with something even more sinister. My brother in law and friend were right outside my bedroom but I didn't know it was them, all I was hearing were voices. At first, I heard them talking shit about me, I felt agitated but also stuck, feeling like I couldn't do anything about it. They were not actually talking about me, but my mind tricked me into thinking this. Then, it gets even worse, my mind starts to create a scenario in which these high schoolers are the voices outside, they are poking fun at me and they are talking about getting inside of the house and raping my nieces. I start to freak out, I get angry, really angry, I'm fuckin pissed right now. I can't believe my mind has tricked me into thinking that this is real. That these voices inside of my head are real things. I can see the danger now of this drug. If I wasn't as mature as I am now I could have absolutely freak out out of paranoia. I decide that I have to say something to these kids. I'll run out there and beat the shit out of all of them if I have to. I yell to them "Yo, are you good?" in an assertive voice... Its just my brother in law and his friend grabbing these halloween skeletons out of the shed. As soon as this happens, I calm right back down. But holy fuck man, this magic mushroom is taking me on an absolute ride. My trips have become gnarlier and gnarlier over the years, I'm definitely not going to do it again for a while. The last thing that happened is difficult to comprehend, but I will try my best. I started thinking about this girl from work that I have a crush on. It felt like she was right outside of my door, it felt like I could open the door up and see her. I open the door and the only one that is outside is the dog, I pet her for a little while and I realize that she is filled with love, pure love. I head back to my room and I lay there on the floor for a while longer, continuing to experience things that make no sense in physical reality. Thats about all I got, I eventually fell asleep at like 4 or 5 am. Gnarly fuckin' trip man, very gnarly, this seems to be a pattern at this point. Now that I'm removed from the experience, I feel grateful that I experienced something out of this world and I feel a sense of accomplishment that I was able to handle it. Moving forward, I am going to work on distinguishing between my mind and the feeling state of intuition, what is the difference between the two and how do I distinguish one from the other. The feeling state, from my experience is much more trustworthy, The mind can cause absolute chaos. To be able to identify when the mind is going on one of its favorite tangents is a skill I will continue to work on. This is what I've learned from these magic mushrooms. Namaste. Daily goals: Shower: 42 Groom hair: 42 Brush teeth: 42 Floss: 1 Take medication: 42 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 25 Kriya yoga: 10 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 0 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 15 Wash face before bed: 15 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - Tuesday? Need to find new phone first Cash check and get new card

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

Here is a high quality resource for leaning about the 9 stages of ego development. This is essential if you want to understand yourself better. Which stage are you at? Diplomat / Conformist Stage Self - Conscious / Expert The Achiever The Individualist The Strategist Magician Ego Unitive / Ironist BEYOND EGO

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #209 ~ Sun Aug 30 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 41 Groom hair: 41 Brush teeth: 41 Floss: 0 Take medication: 41 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 24 Kriya yoga: 9 No porn: 14 No ejaculation: 14 Eat 150 g of protein: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 14 Wash face before bed: 14 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - Tuesday? Need to find new phone first

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #208 ~ Sat Aug 28 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 40 Groom hair: 40 Brush teeth: 40 Floss: 10 Take medication: 40 Drink protein shake: 5 Make bed: 23 Kriya yoga: 8 No porn: 13 No ejaculation: 13 Eat 150 g of protein: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 13 Wash face before bed: 13 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Figure out where you're going Sunday Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #207 ~ Fri Aug 28 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 39 Groom hair: 39 Brush teeth: 39 Floss: 9 Take medication: 39 Drink protein shake: 4 Make bed: 22 Kriya yoga: 7 No porn: 12 No ejaculation: 12 Eat 150 g of protein: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 12 Wash face before bed: 12 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Figure out where you're going Sunday Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #206 ~ Thu Aug 27 '26 Things are going VERY WELL for me right now. I am happy. I will continue to try and turn off my mind in favor of a more conscious feeling state moving forward. Kriya yoga will be helping with that. Cheers. Daily goals: Shower: 38 Groom hair: 38 Brush teeth: 38 Floss: 8 Take medication: 38 Drink protein shake: 3 Make bed: 21 Kriya yoga: 6 No porn: 11 No ejaculation: 11 Eat 150 g of protein: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 11 Wash face before bed: 11 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Review Pam Waltz Cut Tyler and Amanda music

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #205 ~ Wed Aug 26 '26 I want to marry this girl. I want to marry her and have kids with her. I haven't even taken her on a date yet but I want to marry her. Will I look back at this post and say "I called it!" or will I look back on this and laugh? Only time will tell. I've been trying to let go of my thoughts in favor of focusing on the breath. Before I settle down with this woman, there are some things that I feel I have to exhaust and learn first. Over these next few years, I am going to work on exactly that. What are some of those things? I want to hook up with at least a few more women. I have another girl I'm talking to and I have some speed dating events that I plan to attend. I know full well that I don't want to end up with anyone else, but who knows, life is full of surprises. Nice job on the habit tracker, you're doing great, champ. Daily goals: Shower: 37 Groom hair: 37 Brush teeth: 37 Floss: 7 Take medication: 37 Drink protein shake: 2 Make bed: 20 Kriya yoga: 5 No porn: 10 No ejaculation: 10 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 10 Wash face before bed: 10 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Call Pam to figure out Friday Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Review Pam Waltz Cut Tyler and Amanda music Practice NC 2 step

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #205 ~ Tue Aug 25 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 36 Groom hair: 36 Brush teeth: 36 Floss: 6 Take medication: 36 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 19 Kriya yoga: 4 No porn: 9 No ejaculation: 9 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 9 Wash face before bed: 9 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Call Pam to figure out Friday Change oil (I can't get my hood open) Figure out a better way to track schedule Cut Liz and Aaron music Cut Mary ann music Review Pam Waltz Cut Jon and Krista music Cut Stephanie and Tyler music Cut Tyler and Amanda music Call Tyler and Amanda to confirm Practice NC 2 step Good job! I'm so proud of you.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #204 ~ Mon Aug 24 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 35 Groom hair: 35 Brush teeth: 35 Floss: 5 Take medication: 35 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 18 Kriya yoga: 3 No porn: 8 No ejaculation: 8 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 8 Wash face before bed: 8 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Interlude: Jed Wouldn't approve Jed wouldn't approve of my attachment to the dreamstate, I know it. But remember this, these books are being written for a specific purpose, which is to provide to point you towards the path towards waking up. You also have to understand that this is one guys experience of what enlightenment is. There are many different perspectives to take on enlightenment as well as many different facts. ( Check out Leo's episode, the many faces of awakening.) Right now, I am attached to this girl, I love being around her. Your job is to become aware of this attachment and to engage in it consciously. You have other things to balance here in this life. For example, you need your alone time so that you can do kriya yoga and meditate. At the same time, I just love her attention, I want her around me and I just want to banter and vibe out with her. Sometimes I like this pure stream of conscious thought as a way to spiritual autolysize. Other times, I want to create a cohesive conversation between my lower and higher self. But just remember, this journal is for yourself, not for impressing others.

This is my first honest attempt at doing spiritual autolysis. This is a method to attaining truth- realization coined by Jed McKenna. "Autolysis" means self-digestion, and "Spiritual" means the level of self that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional aspects. All you really have to do is write the truth. Just write down what you know is true, or what you think is true, and just keeping writing, until you come up with something that is true. Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #1 - Wed Apr 19 '23 - 8:28 AM Lower self: I am a human being. My name is Ben. I know that I am a human being because I was told that I am a human being from my schooling and my parents and everyone else within society. I am told that we as human beings have evolved from chimpanzees or bonobos. Higher self: Okay... do you have any direct experience of yourself as being a human being? Lower self: No... this is just what I have been told. Higher self: Okay... then how do you know that it is true? Lower self: Well... I don't. I am just trusting what other people have told me. Higher self: Okay, then we agree that you do not know for a fact that you are a human being? Lower self: Yes. I agree... My name is Ben though. I was given this name from my parents when I first came out of the womb. Higher self: Have you ever experienced what it means to be Ben? Lower self: Well... I have a bunch of beliefs and pictures in my head that I feel like embody who I, or Ben is as a person, i.e. what Ben is good at, what he's bad at, which people are my best friends, who Ben's family is, etc. Higher self: Okay... Would you agree that these are all just beliefs and pictures in your head, this Ben cannot be a truth within the universe. There is nothing fundamental about it. You do not know what it is like to be Ben. These are all just fictions in your head, beliefs about yourself, there is no being to speak of. Lower self: Yes, I agree. I am starting to see a recurring pattern here. Does the truth lie within being? Higher self: Yes, I think so. Lower self: Well how do you know? Higher self: Well... I don't know, it just seems like the correct way of thinking about things. If all of these beliefs and fictions in our heads are just that, fictions like Pete Ralston has talked about, then how else are we going to come to the truth about things. Lower self: First off, you are putting your faith in Peter Ralston too much. How do you know what he is saying is true? Higher self: You're right, I don't. I want to question what he is saying as well. But... we have already established that there is no inherent truth to the Ben label or the human being label, correct? And this has been established because when we boil down the human being label, this is just a label that other people have come up with in order to label what this species should be called. We call this species human beings. No pure truth to this. Just a label. Same with the beliefs that you hold about Ben, no pure, fundamental truth there either. That is what this work is all about, cutting past all of the bullshit labels and getting to what is truly TRUE. That is what we are after here, and I think this was a good start young Padawan. Lower self: Thank you When will we speak again? Higher self: When you are ready.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #203 ~ Sun Aug 23 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 34 Groom hair: 34 Brush teeth: 34 Floss: 4 Take medication: 34 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 17 Kriya yoga: 2 No porn: 7 No ejaculation: 7 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 7 Wash face before bed: 7 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Interlude: what do you want? What is it that you want in this life? I want to become enlightened above all else. I want to reach levels of consciousness that very few humans have accomplished. I want to make one woman or multiple women feel like they are the most special and cherished person in this universe. But above all else, I want to know the Truth of the universe. I want to soar through the cosmos, through the infinitude of this reality that I am experiencing. I want to understand that this experience here is completely non-dual, all dualities are a construction within my own mind and are therefore not real tangible things. I want to understand that to be a tangible thing, it must be made up of consciousness. And consciousness is all that there is, everything is made up of consciousness. I want to understand or better yet experience what consciousness is, at it's very core. I want to feel powerful and strong. I want to feel like I can handle anything and everything. I want to be incredibly strong, able to pick up a fuckin' car. I am going to go an entire year of working out 3-5x a week. I want a high quality girlfriend, one that I can grow with. I want to emotionally regulate so that I can positively affect the wonderful people around me. I want to be so conscious that I understand fully the context of every situation, able to live in the moment and experience whats going on in my body and mind. *** I miss her every time she's not around. What does this mean? It means that you're attached to somebody. This means that you love and appreciate her as a person, which is great but what comes with that is you crave something from her.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #202 ~ Sat Aug 22 '26 I want you to start respecting yourself. Respect your own boundaries. Find a way to tell people when you need something, when you need space, when you're not okay with what they did, etc... You are loved, but it starts from yourself, self love, self respect, put yourself on a pedestal. You are important. There is a romance brewing with a girl here, I'll explain later. It's difficult to balance time and energy investe in yourself while also finding time with others. You want to spend time with these other people that make you feel good but at the same time have your own boundaries, have your own beliefs and stick up for yourself. In a bigger picture too, you are trying to become more and more God- like. But of course this starts with self love. Self love equates to infinite love. Love yourself first and love for everyone else will follow. The biggest problem with becoming romantic with someone is there is now an attachment to that person, you have an egoic attachment to their attention, you want them to want you, you want to spend time with them, they affecting your emotional state, etc.... this is all a challenge though of course, regulating those emotions and becoming aware of the egos attachment towards this person. Okay, I need to get my kriya yoga in, I love to procrastinate. * I did have a really good session of kriya yoga, it really is such a god send. It makes me aware of what's going on around me. I really want to start showering as soon as I wake up and then getting right into kriya yoga and then getting ready for my day. What would that look like? 1. Wake up at 8 am 2. Shower and groom 3. 8:30 practice kriya yoga - this needs to be *** I ended up having a REALLY good day today. You have to realize that emotional states fluctuate and accept that fact. What are you going to do tomorrow? I like the idea of journaling about what you're gonna do the night before. Then I can wake up and go about my business, there will be an expectation for myself as soon as I wake up. Tomorrow, I am going to wake up at 8:30 am and I am going to shower and then do my kriya yoga. Then I will workout and then eat breakfast. When I get back on Sunday, I am going to give myself a haircut, clean my room, clean my car, and grocery shop. The next day, I will have to meal prep for myself ( for at least Monday through Wednesday.) Daily goals: Shower: 33 Groom hair: 33 Brush teeth: 33 Floss: 3 Take medication: 33 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 16 Kriya yoga: 1 No porn: 6 No ejaculation: 6 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 6 Wash face before bed: 6 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3 Things to do: Reach out to Dan about wedding dance Figure out when I'll be back tomorrow Reach out to Chantelle about cancelling dance practice Figure out when you will teach lizz

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #201 ~ Fri Aug 21 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 32 Groom hair: 32 Brush teeth: 32 Floss: 2 Take medication: 32 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 15 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 5 No ejaculation: 5 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 5 Wash face before bed: 5 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #93 ~ Fri Aug 20 '26 ~ 10:48 AM Lower self: My name is Ben and I am here to discover Truth and to become as God- like as humanly possible. I say "as humanly possible" because I am in fact a human being. There are things that I must do in order to survive. I have cravings that I cannot control, such as having sex, eating food, making money, and being respected. I try not to live a life chasing positive emotions. This is a trap that many human beings here on Earth fall into. Emotions come and go regardless if they are positive or negative. One way to view this that helps is "I am so grateful just to be here. Therefore any emotion that I experience is a blessing. Feeling any emotion fills me with gratitude for the experience of life." Higher self: Nice job on that and yes I agree. Live in the dreamstate, enjoy Bens life. It's the only one that you truly have. But understand this, you will transcend Ben one day. You will realize the Truth and that his construction is an illusion, there's nothing real about it. His entire life is a fabrication that is inside an infinite mind. This infinite mind is consciousness. Consciousness is real, it is the foundation of the universe, it is the context. Ben is the content inside and therefore is not foundationally true. In order to see this, you will need to zoom out your scope. Lower self: But how? How do I zoom out? I feel like I'm missing something. What am I missing? Higher self: I mean you're not really missing anything. You have been zooming out more and more over these past few years. Through you're hard work researching ego development, reading spiritual books and taking the time to contemplate life, you have laid a nice foundation for yourself to understand and comprehend what this is all about. You are attempting to live consciously, which is the right start. This is what Jed is talking about when he describes "human adulthood," it's about living consciously. You're doing well man, just try to let go a bit more and relax into the experience, that's all of the advice I can give you at this point. You're path is what it is so enjoy the ride and stop stressing out about it. Lower self: But why do I feel like Im behind the curve in some way? Higher self: Precisely because you are human and your mind is an overpowered machine. Your mind and your feelings drives you down your path. It's when you place too much stock in your mind that things can take a turn for the worse. Lower self: What do you mean? Higher self: Your thoughts are an illusion. Therefore the trust that you place in it is undeserved. Lower self: But my self image is also a thought construction and therefore does not deserve my attention either. Higher self: Yes, exactly. Continue down your path of kriya yoga and you will see how unnecessary the minds constant chatter is. This is the path that will allow you to let go. But please don't feel obligated to take this path. You can take whatever path you would like to take. Engage in what you want to in the dream state and for as long as you want. The last thing I want for you is to turn this into a "should" or "should not" situation. This is the problem with most humans, living within a defined set of rules while life is the most infinitely complex thing you can experience. Something infinite cannot be turned into a finite thing, it's against every fiber of its being. Lower self: What do I do with my craving for sex? Higher self: Explore it of course. What is it? Why is it there? How does it make you feel? You can either contemplate or you can feel into your body. Id recommend feeling more than thinking but thinking can be a useful tool as well.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #200 ~ Thu Aug 20 '26 Its vacation day! I'm heading out on a work trip! Last night, I couldn't sleep. I felt like I was experiencing the infinitude of the universe. I accessed a state that was incredible. I am turning more and more God-like day by day. I didn't get to sleep until 4 am last night. My mind kept turning with fantasy after fantasy, mostly about women. It was fun, tantalizing even, but now I am tired af. I just got picked up and we are heading to one of our coworkers houses to eat protein pancakes and eggs and drink coffee. I am excited for that. Hopefully the coffee and food will wake me up. I'm so tired I can't even think straight. But I am here to have fun. Is this what it feels like to have everyone want you? I have to hurt someone. Or maybe not. Everyone wants my attention. Do I have enough to give? This is fear talking. This is insecurity. Of course you have enough to give. These women are all over me this weekend. Is this real? Do they actually like me or do they just enjoy the attention that I'm giving them. But isn't that what I enjoy as well is the attention that they give me? Of course. Of course you do so don't be a hypocrite. I can see myself becoming more God like every second of every day. I am allowing myself to zoom out and think big picture. What is the best thing for everyone, in the here and now and for the future. I'm doing well, don't get that twisted. What else can I even do right now? You're doing well. But I want more. I want to become something, I want to experience God realization, true God realization. All of these social games that I'm playing, chasing women, chasing sex, chasing happiness, yeah it's all great, but the mystery of life and reality, that is what is going to beat the sweetest fruits and I can see that. But then of course, be kind to yourself because of you're not, then you won't be kind to others and they won't be kind to you. We are all One. Daily goals: Shower: 31 Groom hair: 31 Brush teeth: 31 Floss: 1 Take medication: 31 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 14 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 Eat 150 g of protein: 3 No electronics after 11pm: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 4 Wash face before bed: 4 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #199 ~ Wed Aug 19 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 30 Groom hair: 30 Brush teeth: 30 Floss: 0 Take medication: 30 Drink protein shake: 2 Make bed: 13 Kriya yoga: 2 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 3 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 No electronics after 11pm: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 3 Wash face before bed: 3 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 1 (☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #198 ~ Tue Aug 18 '26 Sometimes I think I have way too much going on. I wake up so tired, but thats because I'm working hard, is that so bad? But I read a book like Spiritual Warfare by Jed McKenna and he makes it seem ridiculous that I'm working so hard at something thats not enlightenment, for something thats in the dream state. Then again, should I just be parroting everything that he says or should I be living my own life based on my own virtues? I think I go with the ladder. Make the commitment to always be honest with yourself. Daily goals: Shower: 29 Groom hair: 29 Brush teeth: 29 Floss: 0 Take medication: 29 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 12 Kriya yoga: 1 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 2 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 2 Wash face before bed: 2 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 1 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3 Things to do: Return chinese thing - Website not loading - aokdress.com Schedule blood work

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #197 ~ Mon Aug 17 '26 I love reading. I love growing. I love intimacy. I love dancing. Kriya yoga is a god send. I get tired. I want to be able to relax but my life is very fast paced right now. I have to get back in there and work, let's go. Daily goals: Shower: 28 Groom hair: 28 Brush teeth: 28 Floss: 0 Take medication: 28 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 11 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 1 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3 Things to do: Buy phone mount Return chinese thing - Website not loading - aokdress.com Recognize how lucky you are to be here Ahhhh what the fuck is happening right now. I feel soo... AHHHHHH. I don't even know. I teach so many lessons now, it's lot. My mind and body don't feel ready for it. I'm tired. I don't even know what I need to make myself feel better. Do I just have too much going on? Am I pushing myself too much? Or is this a positive change? Will I adapt or will I drown? Is my body tired af or are these just growing pains? What do you want? Do you want to be busy af. Do you want to be top teacher? Do you want a girlfriend, a wife? Do you want to be a husband? Do you want to feel like the man? What is it that you want? Right now, honestly all I want to do is go to sleep

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #196 ~ Sat Aug 15 '26 I want to start incorporating rest time into my schedule. I can't keep signing up for everything while leaving now time to myself to just contemplate and think about life, which is honestly my favorite thing to do. Daily goals: Shower: 26 Groom hair: 26 Brush teeth: 26 Floss: 5 Take medication: 26 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 9 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 2 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 4x: 0 (✔️☑️✔️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (✔️ Do laundry: 3 Clean room: 3 Clean car: 2 Things to do: Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #195 ~ Fri Aug 14 '26 My motivation feels completely zapped. I don't feel like showering, I don't feel like eating, I don't feel like doing anything. But I have to, I literally have to. I have routines to work on with my students, I'm trying to build a healthier more attractive physique, etc... but there is something inside of me that makes me want to do nothing, there is an emptiness in my chest and in my genitals that are making me feel like not trying. Daily goals: Shower: 25 Groom hair: 25 Brush teeth: 25 Floss: 4 Take medication: 25 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 8 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 1 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 4x: 0 (✔️☑️✔️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (✔️ Do laundry: 3 Clean room: 3 Clean car: 2 Things to do: Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return End of day recap: I'm about to do some art with a girl, let's see where that goes ;). I just want to relax honestly, whatever happens happens. Im still taking care of my mom's cat, I have one more night here and then I'm done. I have two lessons tomorrow, which is a Saturday, Im looking forward to it, but I just have to make sure that I'm ready for it. This is where I absolutely hate not sleeping in my own bed, in my own space. I am very proud of myself for working out 3 days a week this week. Now I have to fit in one more leg day and that will be a job well done. I am much more calm nowadays, and much more able to handle emotional states. I love seeing that I am able to impact people and even change their moods based on my actions and aware presence. It is key to not take yourself so seriously. And if you get triggered emotionally, good, that means there's something to learn there. Feel the trigger and ride the wave.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #194 ~ Thu Aug 13 '26 I learned from last night why I don't want to smoke weed anymore. I literally took one hit of a blunt and it completely shifted my energy and mood. Prior to that one hit, I was flowing, being funny, laughing, creating a healthy and constructive environment for my friends but as soon as I take that one hit, everything changes. It was still a great night but I want to to be sober, being sober puts me into a flow state, not taking drugs and flow is what I want. It's where I can make the biggest and most profound impact on my peers and is also the most fun. I'm projecting to hit 30 lessons this week, which is an absurd amount of lessons for me, it's so much fun though. I was awkward with this one girl that I taught, it was her first lesson. Not sure if it's because she's pretty or if I was nervous because of the coffee I drank. You're not going to be perfect, don't expect that out of yourself. I was able to sleep in this morning, that felt good. I had some erotic dreams, those are always fun. My kriya yoga streak ended yesterday, which is too bad. I hope I don't slide down the path of giving up on it. I am finding it so beneficial, I just have to find a way to keep the motivation going. You have a really good head on your shoulders, you're doing very well. But sometimes everything seems pointless and I don't know why I don't just curl up and sleep all the time. This would cause your death though, your motivation for doing things should be at a very fundamental level to survive. It is my friends wedding on Saturday, I'm not really looking forward to it for some reason, maybe I'm just tired. There are also so many weddings that I go to, it's like they're not special anymore. I also messed up with this friend, I backed out of helping him with his wedding dance which really hurt their feelings. He then kicked me out of the wedding party and things have been weird between us ever since. That whole situation really does suck. I love this guy, I really do but fuck man I mean what a shitty situation. I'm sorry. Of course you can't be friends w everybody, you would have no time leftover for yourself, so maybe it was a necessary evil, I don't know. I'm sick of paying social games, it's not fun for me anymore. I want to become enlightened. I want to discover something that's true, without a doubt, something in the absolute realm, not the relative world. Right now, I and everyone else that I know is loving down here in the relative world. I want to soar up into the sky and be in the Absolute realm. Daily goals: Shower: 24 Groom hair: 24 Brush teeth: 24 Floss: 3 Take medication: 24 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 7 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 0 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 10 Wash face before bed: 10 Weekly goals: Workout 4x: 0 (✔️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (✔️ Do laundry: 3 Clean room: 3 Clean car: 2 Things to do: Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return Fill out thing for therapist -take picture of insurance card End of day recap: not the best day for Ben. It's crazy how negatively I'm affected by releasing my semen, my motivation is completely zapped and there's nothing I can do to get it back, I just have to wait for the energy to come back which takes days. It sucks. I had my second session of therapy. She has the same energy as my deceased grandmother whom I loved so much.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #193 ~ Wed Aug 12 '26 Jesus christ I am so fuckin' tired today. I've been working out at night with one of my friends. The workouts are very intense and long and I don't get home until 1 am. On days like today, I have to be somewhere for 10 am and dance. This is a lot. Maybe too much, but at the same time I don't want to move these Wednesday morning sessions, although maybe I should. I really need sleep and working out is EXTREMELY important to me right now. I want to get jacked above all else so maybe I do need to refine my schedule. Do whats best for you. Stop feeling bad for others. I've gotten a much better grasp on my schedule over the past few months. I'm also teaching 28 lessons this week, thats crazy. Thats a lot of teaching. Now I have to take care of my moms cat this week, which means I have to come back here during dinner break and feed him. This is too much, I have too much going on this week and its solely because of this cat. Thats what is tipping things over. I really want to get my kriya yoga in. I fuckin' love it. I can feel the exercises raising my awareness and I'm really only on step 1 of things, which is the nostril breathing but I am already seeing a difference. I'm also starting to feel a genuine attraction and playfulness with some of the women around me. Its funny because I am tapping into this, it makes me not look forward to the girl that I'm crushing on to come back from vacation, as if that will mess up my mojo, but its like if it does mess up your mojo, then thats what is, like Byron Katie says, thats the truth of the situation. You have this funny thing that you do, where you try to control reality because you want it to be a certain way, but it just isn't that way. This is selfishness, this is ignorance, this is immaturity. That may sound harsh but I think I need to talk to myself that way. When you try to control how reality is for your own benefit, this is pure selfishness. This is you unable to let go and welcome Truth into your life. And this right here is a fuckin' epidemic, everyone is doing it. Thats what causes all of our suffering. Daily goals: Shower: 23 Groom hair: 23 Brush teeth: 23 Floss: 2 Take medication: 23 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 6 Kriya yoga: 3 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 2 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 9 Wash face before bed: 9 Weekly goals: Workout 4x: 0 (✔️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (✔️ Do laundry: 3 Clean room: 3 Clean car: 2 Things to do: Send 3 pieces of mail Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return Fill out thing for therapist -take picture of insurance card It's Wednesday and I feel stressed out. It's mainly because of my mins cat. If my sister was helping me take care of it, I'd feel much better but God damn, this cat is being neglected, never getting any attention and I feel responsible. ( This is a total overreaction, but I still feel bad!) The bottom line is that I say yes to too many things and then I get stressed out. That's the main problem. Making time for myself to rest is very important to me. Finding time to work out is also very important to me.