Spiritual Warrior

My mind is melting. I realize now that it is not real. That nobody is real. Nothing is real at all. The only thing that I am sure of that is real is "I am." Everything else can be thrown into the trash. Every name. Every friend. Every religion. Every book. Every movie. Every thought. Every lover. None of it. None of it is true. Discard it all. What do we do when we have nothing left? We have a blank slate... And now we can create..

I am not going to hurt you I am going to support you, hold you up if I have to But we are all one You and I are the same What now?

Life is very counter intuitive

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #65 - July 12, 2025 8:14 AM Higher self: Okay lower self, it's your time to shine.. what is true? Lower self: It is true that "I am experiencing things." Higher self: What does it mean to experience something? Lower self: To experience something is to have the capacity to feel and relate and communicate and take action. Higher self: What does it mean to "have capacity"? Lower self: To have capacity for something is to be able to do it. And I have capacity to experience things because I am a human being. Higher self: So if you were not a human being, you would not have capacity to do things? Lower self: Well no... I guess that is not entirely true, I do not know if I would have the capacity to experience things if I wasn't human, maybe I would.. so let's take that out, I have the capacity to experience... Let's just leave it at that. Higher self: "I have" .. meaning you own this capacity? Who is it that owns this capacity? Lower self: I do. I am a perceiver. I perceive. I experience... Higher self: And what is this "I" that you continue to speak of? Lower self: "I" is referring to me, this body, this personality, this face. Higher self: But didn't we already establish that the body, the personality, the face is not the true "I." This is just a construction in our own minds in order to make sure that this organism continues to survive and one day reproduces. Lower self: Yes we did establish that.. then the "I" that I am referring to is not the body, not the mind, not the face, not the personality, it is just presence itself. It has no location, it just is. Higher self: Hmmm... Interesting... Lets go back to the original statement.. "I am experiencing things" the "I" in this statement is not referring to the body or mind, it is referring to an awareness that is always present. "I am" refers to the fact that this is a present experience, not in the past, not in the future.* Now the words "experiencing things" actually refers to the experience itself and is therefore a false portion of this statement and may be discarded. Now we are left with "I am" and that is it. Now go ahead lower self, recap what we just talked about. Lower self: Okay sure, "I am" is referring to the ability to be present in this very moment. And that is it, it has nothing to do with the ownership of the body or personality traits or material possessions, it is "I am" here and "I am" present. That is our true face, our true nature. Take all of the bullshit away and that is all that is left. Given this revelation, I am going to integrate some reading sessions of "Presence" by Rupert Spira. I should be able to finish that book within 2 months, so by September 12th. The Peter Ralston book will be a slow burn. I am going to continue to read that thing over over again, taking copious notes until enlightenment experiences start to unravel. Higher self: Good job today little one. You are on your way. Lower self: Thanks, I'm excited 😊

This is my first honest attempt at doing spiritual autolysis. This is a method to attaining truth- realization coined by Jed McKenna. "Autolysis" means self-digestion, and "Spiritual" means the level of self that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional aspects. All you really have to do is write the truth. Just write down what you know is true, or what you think is true, and just keeping writing, until you come up with something that is true. Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #1 - Wed Apr 19 '23 - 8:28 AM Lower self: I am a human being. My name is Ben. I know that I am a human being because I was told that I am a human being from my schooling and my parents and everyone else within society. I am told that we as human beings have evolved from chimpanzees or bonobos. Higher self: Okay... do you have any direct experience of yourself as being a human being? Lower self: No... this is just what I have been told. Higher self: Okay... then how do you know that it is true? Lower self: Well... I don't. I am just trusting what other people have told me. Higher self: Okay, then we agree that you do not know for a fact that you are a human being? Lower self: Yes. I agree... My name is Ben though. I was given this name from my parents when I first came out of the womb. Higher self: Have you ever experienced what it means to be Ben? Lower self: Well... I have a bunch of beliefs and pictures in my head that I feel like embody who I, or Ben is as a person, i.e. what Ben is good at, what he's bad at, which people are my best friends, who Ben's family is, etc. Higher self: Okay... Would you agree that these are all just beliefs and pictures in your head, this Ben cannot be a truth within the universe. There is nothing fundamental about it. You do not know what it is like to be Ben. These are all just fictions in your head, beliefs about yourself, there is no being to speak of. Lower self: Yes, I agree. I am starting to see a recurring pattern here. Does the truth lie within being? Higher self: Yes, I think so. Lower self: Well how do you know? Higher self: Well... I don't know, it just seems like the correct way of thinking about things. If all of these beliefs and fictions in our heads are just that, fictions like Pete Ralston has talked about, then how else are we going to come to the truth about things. Lower self: First off, you are putting your faith in Peter Ralston too much. How do you know what he is saying is true? Higher self: You're right, I don't. I want to question what he is saying as well. But... we have already established that there is no inherent truth to the Ben label or the human being label, correct? And this has been established because when we boil down the human being label, this is just a label that other people have come up with in order to label what this species should be called. We call this species human beings. No pure truth to this. Just a label. Same with the beliefs that you hold about Ben, no pure, fundamental truth there either. That is what this work is all about, cutting past all of the bullshit labels and getting to what is truly TRUE. That is what we are after here, and I think this was a good start young Padawan. Lower self: Thank you When will we speak again? Higher self: When you are ready.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #64 - July 6, 2025 9:45 PM Lower self: I am sick of living for myself, for my own ego. It is unfulfilling.. all of these fantasy stories that I tell myself, they're all bulshit. Total fucking bullshit. And I'm sick of it. I am sick of living a lie. All they do is cause suffering. And I've had enough of suffering. I want to know the Truth. I want to know the Truth at all costs. And nothing and I mean nothing is going to stop me. Wish me luck Higher Self. Higher Self: it's about time you started taking this work seriously. Now, what are some tangible things that you are going to start doing to make this goal a reality some day? Lower self: I am going to start reading The Book of Not Knowing again and take notes on every single chapter. I am going to read that book over and over and over again until I get smacked in the face, until my reality pops like a fucking balloon. I am going to do Kriya Yoga every single morning, no exceptions, for at least 20 minutes. I am going to welcome my higher self with arms wide open. My Kundalini energy is going to crawl up my spine like a serpent and swallow my brain whole so that I face the Truth and cannot look away. I am going to steer into what is uncomfortable until I find exactly what I am looking for, or find out that there was nothing to look for the whole time, whichever comes first. Higher self: You seem motivated, good for you. How are you going to keep this drive when the going gets rough and you want to be lazy? Lower self: I am first and foremost going to remember my vision. My vision is to attain a level of consciousness that no human has ever accessed. I am going to fully grasp and understand all of reality so that I can make the highest and purest and most profound impact on humanity. This is going to take a lot of work and I have a long road ahead of me, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm sick of living a lie. Higher self: Good for you, now get to work.. and come back here when you need to vent. You will have to confront many harsh truths throughout this process and I will always be here to talk you off the ledge. Lower self: I will not stop writing in this journal until my self identity is completely dissolved and I merge with the Oneness of reality. Until that day comes...

So go on The Truth awaits you And when you find the path Don't you dare look back

But we are here So we might as well comfort each other

6 months from now you are going to make yourself so proud

I am also proud of you 🙂

Great advice

The point of the post is to spread positivity.

We can always find something to be proud of in ourselves

Here's your answer right here. We humans like to overthink things. We drive ourselves crazy analyzing all possible scenarios when all we have to do is shut off our brains and listen to our hearts to find the path we're meant to go down. You already have the answer you seek. Don't waste you're time overthinking it.

Yes! That is a good recommendation if he really wants to get into stage green. Just start meditating.

That is wonderful to hear!

Why are you forcing yourself into stage green? In my personal opinion, you should be aware of the spiral in depth and then just live your life. Spiral Dynamics is not a step by step guide to how to live the good life, it's just a model. You also probably have lower stages that you haven't integrated fully, such as the "conquering" red or the "moralistic" blue. Just live your life man, let go of control and walk the path that you're destined to walk down.

I have a house out in the woods that I meditate in and do meditation walks. It has a fireplace that keeps the house warm. Electronics are sparingly used. I have a high quality, highly conscious girlfriend. We have a healthy and loving and supportive relationship that is based upon honesty and truth. We have lots of un together and I am able to act completely myself around her. I am a full time dance instructor, making a sustainable income doing what I love. I create beautiful and inspiring dance solos and impact my students lives. I have reached and continue to reach levels of consciousness that allow me to access the hidden truths of reality. I have a muscular and strong and shredded physique. My chest is chiseled, I have six pack abs, I have large tree trunks for thighs and defined calves, my biceps are shredded, my shoulders are broad. I am an objectively hot man. If you want to create this kind of life for yourself, you will need to create a structure that will support its growth. Good luck.

It has been boggling my mind recently, how can I form a picture inside of my head that looks very real. I can describe it's properties. I am able to access this picture "inside of my head" while also looking outwards intro the world. What is this thing, this picture in my head that is in my head, on a metaphysical, it doesn't make sense to me that it can even exist. Let's take this example, I can see a "gremlin" in my head. He has big, sharp teeth. He is holding one of those old fashioned tape recorders that he is manually rolling. He is smiling in a most devious way. He is rolling thoughts into my head. This is my inner gremlin, as described by Richard Carson. Now, why and how can I conjure up this picture inside of my own head? From my perception, I am clearly seeing this "gremlin," however, he is not in any way shape or form out there in the real world. Is this because out there in the real world isn't actually real? So there is no difference between the thoughts that I conjure up and the things that my eyeballs see outside of this body? How do I know what I'm seeing with my eyes is a real thing? What is the difference? And why can't I grasp this picture of the "gremlin" while I can reach out and grasp this water bottle in front of me? Therefore the water bottle is a real physical object, correct? and the thought of a gremlin is not real. Then again, what makes something real? Is it the fact that it can be grasped? That's what makes it real? If something were real then I'd have to be able to grasp it, otherwise I cannot possibly be able to tell if it's real or not. Culturally, we consider things that are graspable as real physical objects. But does that mean that the air around you isn't real? I cannot hold the air, my hand would go right through it. But it is there, isn't it? Maybe everything is real and me labeling things as not real is a complete waste of time. Or nothing is real. And how would I know the difference? Ughhhhhh I am so confused.

The Difference Between Self and Being I'm about to start reading the next chapter in Peter Ralston book "The Book of Not Knowing" where it talks about what the difference is between self and being. Before I start, I'd like to theorize to get the blood flowing. Feel free to join in. The Self: the self is a combination of thoughts/pictures that describe who I think that I am as this human being that navigates through life. For example, I have a name, I have blonde hair and a red beard, I am a short guy, I am well intentioned, I once drove my car past a stopped school bus and received a ticket, I sometimes act like the victim. In conclusion, anything and everything that has happened to this self are things that I identify with, this is my personal story and it all plays a role in who I am. Or so I think... The Being: Now, here's the juicy one, what is being? The being that I am is the part of me that is able to perceive and experience things in life. It is NOT the experiences themselves which is what the self is identified with, it is the thing prior to the experiences, it is the part of me that makes experiencing these things possible. And it has no properties and no characteristics and no location, it just is, it is just "being." This is what I actually am. Conclusion: We can confidentially say that the self is a false sense of identity and the being is the true identity. The self is made up of mental constructions that are... I was about to say fragile.... But to the self, they do not feel fragile at all. And here lies the issue, the constructions in my head that I identify with feel so very concrete in my life. I have been living like this for 30 years! I have to find a way to dis-identify with the false self. I want to take a bat to this self that I have constructed and smash it into a million pieces.

I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. I don't know exactly what is going on in your life, but I can tell that you have a very pessimistic outlook on life. This will only lead to more negative outcomes to arise. The only way to get out of this cycle is to find something to be hopeful about. Hopefulness will lead to getting yourself out of the rut that you are in and onto a brighter path. Find something positive that you can work towards and find a way to believe in yourself to get there, whether it be landing a job or living in an apartment or meeting a girl. Envision yourself enjoying this luxury and your mind will naturally find ways of moving you towards your vision. Good luck.

@Leo Gura thanks

A lot of good answers here. For me, I would rather navigate through life with an understanding of Truth, rather than being blind as a fucking bat and swinging at things randomly. It's nonsensical to me to live like this. And I do think that it will make my life experience more enjoyable in the long run.

I'm sorry that you had such a dysfunctional family dynamic growing up. You didn't deserve that :/. And you're right, kids are fragile and should be nurtured with love. As an adult, you're quest will have to be finding ways to give that love to yourself, the love that you didn't receive as a kid. And now that you are aware of this dynamic, you could even make a life purpose out of it and find a way to help other kids or families that are in similar situations. Best of luck to you.

I can't wait for this realization