Spiritual Warrior

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #8 Okay, so I ended my push up pull up streak today. I had to do 4 sets because I missed 1 yesterday ( I normally do 3.) I tried to fit them in before work, but I failed. Then I tried to fit it in when I get home at 11 pm but my mind told me that I was “too tired” and I fell asleep in my bed with my work clothes on. But I did get up an hour later and brush my teeth and wash my face so I'm going to allow myself to keep that steak going. Everything else went well, except the fact that I was supposed to weight lift on Monday morning, Tuesday morning, and Thursday morning. I weight lifted on Monday morning and Wednesday night. Now it's the weekend and I still have to do my back exercises, ( which I will get done today, I promise.) Now, I would like to list out the benefits that I'm already noticing from embarking on this “habits and disciplines” journey as I tend to focus on the things that I am failing at when Im already seeing tangible differences in the way I am acting and thinking. Firstly, the funniness affirmations have done wonders for my sense of humor already. I am goofy and fun at work and during dance trainings, and I just blurt things out that pop into my head, I'm always looking for things to say that make myself laugh, that is the key, I am literally laughing at myself halfway through the joke, that is what you want, self amusement. This is going to help me tremendously with girls and also being a fun dance teacher. I can't wait to see where this takes me. The next thing is just having the intention of hitting on women, lots of women, and being authentic about that desire has also done wonders for my life, and I haven't even hit on anyone yet. The reason that I can already see the benefits of this are that it's like I used to bank on attracting one of the girls within our branch of dance studios ( there are about 10 attractive women within the dance studios), but now I don't really care about them at all, I mean I do care about them as human beings, but Im not trying to impress them anymore because I have a much higher vision than settling down with one of them. No, I want an abundance of women so that I can have really good game and have lots of sex. I've even told a couple of them that I am approaching, this holds me accountable and I'm actually hanging out with one of them today and she is going to be my wingman. I'll let you know how this goes later. The next benefit is I feel like a more masculine, healthily integrated man as I am actually staying true to my habits, or at the very least really trying my best. This makes it so that I don't care about what others think, I really don't because I am creating something, which is an amazing life for myself. If one person doesn't like the way that I said something, guess what….. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to be my authentic self and move towards my dreams, and this is the creative-orientation rather than the reactive-orientation that Robert Fritz talks about in The Path of Least Resistance. I take action in order to create the life that I want to create for myself, rather than taking action based on a reaction to external or internally stimuli ( like emotions.) Which is honestly how a lot of human beings operate and it's certainly how I used to operate. Anyways, I'm doing a great job and I'm very proud of myself. Of course, there are lots of cracks in my routines and I am going to figure out a way to get my mind to surrender to the routine so that I wake up and immediately do this, then immediately do that, etc.. I look forward to figuring this out. I also can't wait to get good at game, I just have to jump into the pool. That is the best way to go about life, jump into the deep end and figure out how to swim as your down there. Here is the streak checklist: 11.7.25 Morning routine goals: Wake up at 7:30 am streak: 8 Brush teeth streak: 8 Floss streak: 8 Shower streak: 8 Groom hair streak: 8 Eat breakfast streak 8 Meditation streak: 4 Push ups / pull ups streak: 0 (😭😭😭 it hurts so bad to have to put a streak back down to 0) Funniness affirmations streak: 6 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 8 Wash face streak: 8 No electronics before bed streak: 7 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 8 No ejaculation streak: 8 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 7 No alcohol streak: 6 Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week - 2 down (still at 2 😥, but I've got this! 💪) Approach 1 woman this week: counter: 0 ( still at 0 but I am going to hit on women today)

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #7 11.6.25 Morning routine goals: Wake up at 7:30 am streak: 7 Brush teeth streak: 7 Floss streak: 7 Shower streak: 7 Groom hair streak: 7 Eat breakfast streak 7 Meditation streak: 3 Push ups / pull ups streak: 7 Funniness affirmations streak: 5 I am going to come clean, I didn't do the push ups and pull ups in the morning so I had to do it at night. I did not do 3 sets, I only did 2. I am sorry but I was really tired, I wish I had the mental fortitude to push through. I am going to make myself a deal. I have to do 4 sets this morning and I will allow myself to keep the streak going. This is not ideal I know but I also want to give myself some grace. Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 7 Wash face streak: 7 No electronics before bed streak: 6 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 7 No ejaculation streak: 7 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 6 No alcohol streak: 5 Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week - 2 down Approach 1 woman this week: counter: 0 I am going out on Saturday with a friend that's a girl with the intention of hitting on girls. This is going to be good for me for two reasons 1. She gets me into a very playful mood because she's funny and we joke around a lot with each other ( she is my competitive dance partner so we've grown close. Nothing intimate has happened between us though, I would definitely be down, she's beautiful and funny but she used to date me Co worker / friend so I'd rather not deal with the implications of that and keep her as a good friend and just meet lots of women outside of this "dance circle." I live in an abundance mindset now, which is so freeing and very different from where I came from.) 2. This is going to hold me accountable as I am going to look like an idiot if I bail out and don't hit on anyone again. If I were alone, I could easily just bail and say "I'll do it next time. I cannot wait to see the counter of approaches start to move up, soon it will hit 100, then 500, then 1000. I cannot wait!!!!

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #6 This morning I woke up so God damn frustrated. I am frustrated by my finances. I am frustrated by my lesson count. I am frustrated by this and that and that and this. The “I thought” starts firing away immediately, as soon as I wake up. And I allowed another crack to come into my routine, I was checking my fantasy football team this morning and now everything is set back. It's 8:34 am, I am still eating breakfast and I was supposed to start my meditation at 8:30 am. I just want to give up, literally… that is what I'm going through right now, I want to stop with all of the habits, I want to not care about work or enlightenment and everything else that I am going through. I am writing this because it is exactly how I feel right now, and its important to be honest about my current situation, no matter how ugly. With that being said, if I were to live in the “creative orientation” I would not care about my current emotional state and I’d stick to the behaviors and actions that will create the life of my dreams. I think I could use a refresher on what I'm trying to create in my life. Let's do that later though, for now, let's get back to my habit check list: 11.5.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 6 Floss streak: 6 Shower streak: 6 Groom hair streak: 6 Eat breakfast streak 6 Meditation streak: 2 Push ups / pull ups streak: 6 Funniness affirmations streak: 4 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 6 Wash face streak: 6 No electronics before bed streak: 5 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 6 No ejaculation streak: 6 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 5 No alcohol streak: 4 Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week - 2 down Approach 1 woman this week There were several cracks in the routine again, 1. I forgot the funniness affirmations on my way to work so I had to do it on the way home and 2. I did an angled leg Press exercise during weight training and then I did some leg extensions ( which is part of the weekly routine that I put together for myself) but my left leg started shaking violently everytime I lifted my leg up. I think this is because I did a lot of weight for angles leg press, I've never done so much weight. I decided to stop as shaking violently probably isn't healthy. I finished with calf raises so I technically didn't finish the workout. Im still going to give myself the workout credit, keeping in mind that I should have figured out a way to finish the workout regardless of the hiccup.

Thank you brother 🙏 I agree, be honest about your authentic desires and take full responsibility for making them happen. Best of luck to you on your journey.

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry # 5 Okay, so I did a great job yesterday as well. I completed everything on my list. There was one "crack" in my routine though. I made a plan to weight lift on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday of this week in order to stick to my 3 days a week goal. However, I had to babysit all day today and then go straight into work afterwards so I didn't have any time to weight train.. and there is no dinner break on Tuesdays because we're open 4-10pm. What I should have done was workout after work, at 10pm. I had every intention of doing that, but as soon as I got into my car, I decided that I was "too tired" and that I just wanted to go home and go to bed. This is an issue, if I continue to allow my emotional state or the "I - thought" to overrun me then I will continue to fail at keeping my habits. Now, I have every intention of weight lifting 3 times this week but I am making my life harder by pushing it back a day. I am going to go to the gym during my dinner break today, which would be at like 2:30. I am doing legs today. Here is the checklist: 11.4.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 5 Floss streak: 5 Shower streak: 5 Groom hair streak: 5 Eat breakfast streak 5 Meditation streak: 1 Push ups / pull ups streak: 5 Funniness affirmations streak: 3 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 5 Wash face streak: 5 No electronics before bed streak: 4 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 5 No ejaculation streak: 5 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 4 No alcohol streak: 3 Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week - 1 down Approach 1 woman this week I love seeing these numbers rise and rise. As you can see, I am starting to play around with the setup of the checklist.

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #4 Yesterday was rough, I did not do everything on my list but I did make a valiant effort and I am proud of that. The real issue was that I allowed my morning routine to have “gaps” in it. This is what the guy in this video is talking about. There shouldn't be any way to miss any routine because at exactly 7:30 am I wake up and shower and brush my teeth and comb my hair and floss. At exactly 8:00 am I make coffee and fix myself up some breakfast. At exactly 8:30 am I start my meditation routine. At exactly 9:00 am I start my workout. At exactly 9:30 am I leave to go to work. In this way, there is no room for gaps in which the mind will have space to make excuses or micro decisions. The idea here is to embody the face that this is what we are doing and the “I- thought” has no say in the matter. I completed my shower and then went downstairs for breakfast. I ate breakfast and then went downstairs to start my meditation. As I’m sitting down to meditate, I have an urge to watch a Youtube video, I can’t remember what video it is but its something silly, something that adds no value to my life. I watch and that leads to several more videos and all of a sudden a half an hour has gone by. After wasting 30 minutes, I know that I should now start my meditation despite the hiccup, but I then start to feel a wave of angry emotions regarding the fact that I hadn’t finished my “dance goal” worksheets for my students yet. These emotions were accompanied by thoughts of telling my boss off, saying“I didn’t have time because I have a life, I have other things going on.”’ Its crazy what kind of tricks the mind plays on us just to avoid discomfort. After dealing with the emotions of anger, I decided that I would feel better if I just wrote the dance projections that morning before going into work instead of following the rest of my morning routine. This is exactly what I did and I finished most of them so I felt better about it, but now I am heading to work without having done my daily workout routine of pushups and pullups and my meditation routine. And to add insult to injury, I only did half of my funniness affirmations because I was scatter brained while driving to work and forgot at first, and I am supposed to go to the gym and workout Monday morning, but because I wasted time this morning dicking around and doing things for work I don’t have time to do that either. So now, I am working 1-10 pm today with a 1 hour dinner break and I still have to weight lift, do sets of push ups and pull ups, meditate, and finish my funniness affirmations. I am so fucked…. Still, I was determined to get all of these things done as I do not want to end my streaks on day 4, so on my dinner break, I go to the gym to get my push ups and pull ups in and I do the rest of the funniness affirmations as I’m driving back to work. Then, when I get out of work, I head to the gym to do my chest workout. I had the intention of meditating when I got home, but I decided that it was not worth it as I got home at 12:30 AM and I had to get up at 5 am the next day. Too bad.. But I am very proud of the tenacity and strategy that I put forward to get most of the things done. Here are the checklists: 11.3.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Streak: 4 Floss Streak: 4 Shower Streak: 4 Groom hair Streak: 4 Eat breakfast Streak: 4 Meditate Streak: 0 Work out Streak: 4 Funniness affirmations Streak: 2 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Streak: 4 Wash face Streak: 4 No electronics before bed Streak: 3 "Whole day" goals: No porn Streak: 4 No ejaculation Streak: 4 Eat 150 g of protein Streak: 3 No alcohol Streak: 2 Weekly Goals: (These are really going to start this upcoming week 11.3.25 - 11.9.25, I will cross it off as soon as I complete it, and it will remain checked through the rest of the week) Weight lift 3 days a week - 1 down Approach 1 woman this week - I'm growing the balls, I will do this

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #3 11.2.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Streak: 3 Floss Streak: 3 Shower Streak: 3 Groom hair Streak: 3 Eat breakfast Streak: 3 Meditate Streak: 3 Work out Streak: 3 Funniness affirmations Streak: 1 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Streak: 3 Wash face Streak: 3 No electronics before bed Streak: 2 "Whole day" goals: No porn Streak: 3 No ejaculation Streak: 3 Eat 150 g of protein Streak: 2 No alcohol Streak: 1 ( this is much higher probably like 60, but I am just going to start at 1) Weekly Goals: (These are really going to start this upcoming week 11.3.25 - 11.9.25, I will cross it off as soon as I complete it, and it will remain checked through the rest of the week) Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 1 woman this week I did a really great job yesterday. I actually woke up at 6 am because I agreed to do a yoga class at 8:30 am and in order to get my morning routine in, I had to wake up that early (normally I wake up at 7:30am and start my day at 10 am). I had a really big test in terms of the "whole day" goals. I went to my friends house to watch some football at 5 pm. These are buddies of mine from college and getting hammered has been a staple of our friendship for years now. However, I have decided to completely remove alcohol from my diet two months ago, but I haven't told them this yet. Sure enough, as soon as I get there, there are 3 shots of vodka already poured, and one of my buddies hints at us all taking them. I speak in a calm but unwavering voice, "I'm actually not drinking right now, I haven't been for two months." One of the friends says "I respect that" and the other friend asks why and I explain it to him and I say that it is so much easier for me, I don't have to worry about moderating my drinking, its just a simple no I'm just gonna drink non-alcoholics. They took it very well and I appreciate that, but it really comes from my own aura in which I spoke, there was conviction to what I was saying and they knew I could not be swayed. A few years ago, I literally was not capable of saying anything with such conviction. This is a testament to how much I've grown. The other big test from yesterday was the protein intake; I got home at 9:30 pm and I calculated my protein intake and realized that I was short by 30 grams of protein. No one else was home ( the blender is extremely loud) so I decided to make myself a protein shake that would give me another 40g of protein. I slugged it down even though I really didn't want to and boom, 150 g of protein has been met. I also made sure to log off of my computer at 10:30 pm at night even though I was having a fun time watching K Pop Demon Hunters. This is discipline.

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #2 11.1.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women Notes: I would like to add funniness affirmations to the morning routine list. I will say "I see funniness everywhere" for 5 minutes, and "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" for 5 minutes, and then a "free talk" in which I blurt out whatever comes to mind for 10 minutes straight, you use the last word of every sentence as the first word of the next sentence. This will help me get into a playful mood while talking to women and will help me with making my lessons more fun and exciting, and it is also a good disciplinary practice for my mental fortitude. I also haven't been drinking for 2 months now and I should probably add it to the "whole day" goals list. This helps me clear my head and is also a good disciplinary practice. Approaching 10 women is way too overwhelming of a goal. I went to Boston yesterday because I wanted to get them all out of the way in one swoop and I did not hit on a single woman. Not a single one. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever actually hit on a random woman in a very direct way, which is exactly what I would like to do. I want to be able to walk up to a woman that I am attracted to and tell her that shes beautiful, or cute, or pretty, or whatever it is. This is where I want to get to. And I want to do it during the day time and any time that I feel the attraction. This is authentic masculinity, going for what you want without caring about what others will think about you. I was hoping not to change the goals at all so that there are no "cracks" in the routine. A crack is wiggle room, in which my mind is able to create excuses and reasons not to do it. However, since I am just starting out, I am going to give myself a two week grace period in which I am allowed to make adjustments. With that being said, because of my lack of experience in cold approaching women, doing 10 a week is unrealistic and unreasonable to expect of myself. Thats kind of like expecting a student to perform a solo in front of 50 people on their first week. A more reasonable way to approach this is to give myself a weekly goal of approaching and hitting on 1 girl this upcoming week. Then the following week, I will approach 2 girls, then the following week I approach 3 girls and so on and so on... In this way, I will work my way up to approaching 10 women in a week, then build myself up past that to 20 a week, 30 a week, 40 a week.. and so on.. By then, I will have enough momentum going for me and I should be much more comfortable with this challenge. Also, on the bright side, when I went to Boston and walked around all day, I must have seen over 200 beautiful, attractive women that I would love to get to know. So there is potential here, I just have to slowly grow myself into it. I also want a counter to keep track of my streak, I just don't know how I want that set up yet, but I will. As I see the count of women rise and rise, getting up to 100 and even 1,000 this is going to feel so fulfilling.

Personal Story: Heart Surgery Coming on here to vent about a very personal situation. I just found out that I have to get heart surgery within the next 6 months. I have had heart surgery twice in my life, when I was 16 and when I was 21. I am currently 30 years old with a cows valve in place of my "human" aortic valve. A couple of things that I would like to note: finding out that this surgery has to occur within such a short time horizon has me rattled emotionally. I've just gained traction in my career and now I am going to have to be out for at least 6 weeks before I can dance again. That sucks. I am also well aware of how painful and difficult the recovery is for this kind of surgery. I was hoping that we would have the technological advancements to have a robot come in and replace the valve "non-invasively," but it sounds like they have to crack my sternum open again to do the procedure. I will know more on this when I talk to the surgeon. The second thing to note is when I zoom out on this situation, I realize that all of this is being done for my own survival. The doctor is looking out for my survival. The surgeon is looking out for my survival. The health insurance that I have is looking out for my survival, it is actually going to be paying the doctors for the entire surgery, which is over $100,000. If this system wasn't in place, I could not have this surgery and I would die at a young age. I am thankful that we have these systems in place. This is the purpose of having a society. We help each other survive and hopefully strive. Of course, death is imminent but let's all suck out as much out of this life that we can humanly stomach.

This is my first honest attempt at doing spiritual autolysis. This is a method to attaining truth- realization coined by Jed McKenna. "Autolysis" means self-digestion, and "Spiritual" means the level of self that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional aspects. All you really have to do is write the truth. Just write down what you know is true, or what you think is true, and just keeping writing, until you come up with something that is true. Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #1 - Wed Apr 19 '23 - 8:28 AM Lower self: I am a human being. My name is Ben. I know that I am a human being because I was told that I am a human being from my schooling and my parents and everyone else within society. I am told that we as human beings have evolved from chimpanzees or bonobos. Higher self: Okay... do you have any direct experience of yourself as being a human being? Lower self: No... this is just what I have been told. Higher self: Okay... then how do you know that it is true? Lower self: Well... I don't. I am just trusting what other people have told me. Higher self: Okay, then we agree that you do not know for a fact that you are a human being? Lower self: Yes. I agree... My name is Ben though. I was given this name from my parents when I first came out of the womb. Higher self: Have you ever experienced what it means to be Ben? Lower self: Well... I have a bunch of beliefs and pictures in my head that I feel like embody who I, or Ben is as a person, i.e. what Ben is good at, what he's bad at, which people are my best friends, who Ben's family is, etc. Higher self: Okay... Would you agree that these are all just beliefs and pictures in your head, this Ben cannot be a truth within the universe. There is nothing fundamental about it. You do not know what it is like to be Ben. These are all just fictions in your head, beliefs about yourself, there is no being to speak of. Lower self: Yes, I agree. I am starting to see a recurring pattern here. Does the truth lie within being? Higher self: Yes, I think so. Lower self: Well how do you know? Higher self: Well... I don't know, it just seems like the correct way of thinking about things. If all of these beliefs and fictions in our heads are just that, fictions like Pete Ralston has talked about, then how else are we going to come to the truth about things. Lower self: First off, you are putting your faith in Peter Ralston too much. How do you know what he is saying is true? Higher self: You're right, I don't. I want to question what he is saying as well. But... we have already established that there is no inherent truth to the Ben label or the human being label, correct? And this has been established because when we boil down the human being label, this is just a label that other people have come up with in order to label what this species should be called. We call this species human beings. No pure truth to this. Just a label. Same with the beliefs that you hold about Ben, no pure, fundamental truth there either. That is what this work is all about, cutting past all of the bullshit labels and getting to what is truly TRUE. That is what we are after here, and I think this was a good start young Padawan. Lower self: Thank you When will we speak again? Higher self: When you are ready.

What do you enjoy most about life right now?

Interlude: Tarot Card Reading I have a new roommate that is a woman. She gave me a tarot card reading this morning. I love being around women. They are more in touch with energy fields than men are. I could learn something from them there. I sit down at the table with a smile and I immediately feel a surging attraction coursing through my body. I notice that she has a tarot card deck sitting on the table. I ask her to read mine and she excitedly agrees. I stare at her as she shuffles the cards. I appreciate all of her beauty as my body is surged with energy. This is physical attraction at work. Physical attraction towards a woman lights a fire within a man. If a man can harness this energy, he can transmute it and allow it to fuel his life purpose. In this way, the man remains loyal while also staying within the Truth of the current moment. She asks me to focus on an intention for the reading. I think to myself "I want to discover Truth," which is truly the most important thing to me right now. It's not getting laid, it's not making a lot of money, it's not winning a dance competition, all of those things would be nice but nothing is more important than Truth. ————————————————————— Here are my notes from the reading: Melting Mask - make a list of all of the roles that you play in life. These are your masks. For example, I am a good dancer, I am in touch with the energy around me, I am lovable. Take a look at this list and ask yourself: which ones feel energizing and which ones feel draining. Also, ask yourself; is there a difference between a role and an attachment? Moving Forward - to continue down this path, less things will be required. This means that you will have to let go of old habits and old friends. I saw this one coming. I have friends, items, and habits that I must leave behind. Make a list of things that you are ready to let go of. The lighter you are, the higher you can fly. Assistance with Access - in order to discover your True nature, you must first identify what you are not, which would be the "roles" that you play. Don't be shy, ask other people what they think about you and the roles that you identify with, you may be surprised by what you hear. Wishful Expectations - acknowledge that the Truth of reality is not perceived by you currently but is "hidden in plain sight." Sus out the smoke and mirrors and the Truth will be revealed to you. In other words, identify what is not True (the smoke) and whatever is left must be True.

Interlude: The Masculine and its relationship to death The acceptance of death is the masculine way being. The feminine is able to pass through the masculine because he has opened his heart towards death. Death is the ultimate sacrifice, it is pure selflessness. And without the self, you are free.

Interlude: The Flow State I feel as though I don't use logic and reason to deal with my problems. I use feeling. I feel what is coming through me and that's what I am compelled to do. The more I let go, the better I feel. I feel this way when I'm at work. I am able to flow at work for hours at a time. The more I teach, the more I flow. Use the flow state as a catapult to gaining success in this world ( while having fun doing it) the flow state is one of the most magical and enjoyable states of consciousness a human being can experience.. and it also provides lots of value to the world.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #71 Mon Sep 22, 2025 10:54 PM Attachment awareness exercise Lower self: Higher self, tell me again how am I going to take a big gust of wind and blow away all of my attachments? Higher self: What are some things that you hold as true? Lower self: I am a man. I am a ballroom dancer. I am funny. I am cool. I have lots of friends. I am shy. Higher self: Where is the commonality within all of these statements? I'll answer this one for you; It lies within "I am" you are experiencing what it is like to be a ballroom dancer or to be funny, or to be cool or to have lots of friends, but you are not the thing itself. The truth lies within the ability or the capacity to experience those things. Lower self: Okay great, again that makes sense conceptually. But how do I separate the two. Higher self: You like eating artichokes, correct? You eat the leaves first, right? The leaves are all of your attachments. There is the attachment to being a "family man" then there's the attachment to being "attractive" or "hot" then there's the attachment to being "short" you peel back layer by layer each attachment, you dis-identify with the attachment because that attachment is not who you truly are. What you truly are is what lies within the inner core of the artichoke, which is the heart, the most delicious and succulent part. Lower self: Yes yes yes. I get that, that's awesome, but give me an exercise that will help me streamline this process. I need a tangible solution, enough with these oddly relatable analogies. Higher self: Okay, fine. Write down every attachment that you have in your life. I'm talking everything about yourself, your personality traits, your personal history, your current situation, everything that you can think of. If you want Truth, you will need to first draw your attention towards your attachments. Now get to work. Lower self: Yes sir 🫡

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #70 Sat Sep 20, 2025 11:22 PM Lower self finds out his personal history is a fabrication Lower self: I've been dealing with a lot of human bullshit recently. I want to be more mature and stick to schedules and dive into truth work. Higher self, please help. Guide me back towards Truth. Higher self: Okay, let's start with the question, what are you? Lower self: I am... I am Ben. I am a boy.. no a man that is a ballroom dancer and that has lots of friends and a family that loves him and... Higher self: What is that? That is not Truth... Not a single thing on that list is actually true. You and the rest of the world have concocted that story. You are labeling yourself, your true self with story after story after story. It's a soap opera. Lower self: Okay, then why does all of this feel so true? Higher self: This is the illusion of Maya. Maya has it's unclenching grip on you. And not just your physical body but your constructed mental image. You say that you are "an attractive man" and whenever this image is threatened, your emotions are triggered, firing away. You believe that you have a "magnetic aura" but when people don't pay attention to you, you become sad. You say that you are a "great dancer" but when you see someone else that is better, you become insecure in your abilities. Lower self: But why... Why is this mental chamber necessary? Why has this culture constructed an environment in which we feel the need to construct a life story? Higher self: Let's take this way back to when you were little. What is your first memory? Lower self: I was in a pre school program at a high school when I was 3 years old. I don't remember much about myself but I remember the high school workers that were there. They looked so big and grown up to me, I thought they were so cool. Higher self: Okay, and then what happened next in your life? Lower self: I then went to another pre school and made some friends there. Then I went to kindergarten and met some new kids... Then 1st grade with my favorite teacher, then 2nd grade with a teacher that hated me, then 3rd grade and so on... Why are you bringing this up? Higher self: You have a personal history, right? You can remember this personal history using images in your head. This personal history is what grounds you so that you feel safe and secure and bounded. Im not going to deny that all of these things didn't happen, they did. The body that you are inhabiting right now did go to pre school, it did go to kindergarten and it did all of the other things that you've done in your life. The issue is that you identify with this body and everything that it went through as true when in reality the truth does not lie within the personal history, it lies above it. If you can find a way to look past the history to what your true nature is... Boom. There's your enlightenment. That's what makes the personal history false, it's not that it didn't happen, it's just not who you truly are. Lower self: Okay, yes this all makes sense conceptually... but how do I go above the personal history. How do I find my True face? Higher self: Let go of the personal history and see what's left. Lower self: But how .. how do I let go of something that I've been attached to for 30 years of my life? Higher self: Have you ever blown the fur off of a dandelion? It's exactly like that. Give all of your attachments a big gust of wind and see what's left. Numb your life down to the bare stem of the dandelion and there you have it. Lower self: Okay, thank you.

A beautifully narrated series of the Ten Ox Herding Pictures Happy enlightening Picture One - Searching for the Ox Picture Two - Seeing the Traces Picture Three- Seeing the Ox Picture Four - Catching the Ox Picture Five - Taming the Ox Picture Six - Riding Home on the Ox Picture Seven - The Ox Forgotten, the Self Remains Picture Eight - Forget Both Self and Ox Picture Nine - Return to the Origin, Back to the Source Picture Ten - Entering the Marketplace with Extended Hands

Interlude: an example of structure vs concept in my personal life The goal of wanting to have a jacked and shredded physique. Is that content or structure? The way that I "look" or are perceived is the content. The structure is the life surrounding the jacked physique. What does it take to have a jacked physique? 1. You have to work out regularly and consistently, at least 3 days a week. 2. You have to eat the right amount of protein for muscle growth (150g) 3. You have to eat the right amount of calories in order to have the energy to work out (at least 2,000) What about the goal of having a clear head? The clear head is the content. What sort of structure would a human being need in order to have a clear head? 1. Meditate every day - meaning you just sit there for 20 minutes 2. Eat clean foods - all organic and nothing processed 3. Drink plenty of water - at least 64 oz a day of clean water What about the goal of becoming spiritually enlightened? The enlightened person is the content. The structure surrounding the enlightened person is what kind of life he lives in order to become enlightened. What would that look like? 1. Journal every day, contemplating "what is true" or "what am I?" 2. Attempt to access a state of not-knowing throughout your days in which you are fully engrossed in the current moment 3. Read spiritual books about enlightenment What about the goal of being a ballroom dance champion? The vision of being a dance champion is the content, the structure is the lifestyle surrounding the dancer. What would this lifestyle look like? 1. Work hard at the technical side of dancing. This means 30 hours a week on just dancing ( let's take a trial run and see if this is too much or too little, I've never measured this before) 2. Develop the look of a champion in the way that you walk and carry yourself 3. Take coachings to better your dancing on a weekly basis What about the goal of building your dream home? The goal of building a house is the content, the structure is the steps that the human has to make in order to make the content possible. What would this process look like? 1. Pay back all of your debts ( Projected to pay them all back in March 2026) 2. Start saving a portion of your paycheck after March 2026 (10% maybe) . 3. Save up $30k by March 2027, this would be about $300/ month 4. Should be able to buy a condo in 2027

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #69 Fri Aug 29, 2025 8:57 AM Chapter title: Content vs Structure This is quite literally the one and only journal that is worth keeping up. Nothing matters but Truth. I will not stop contemplating until I have hit a little point called "Done". I've made a vow to become Truth realized by August 27th, 2027. This means that I have two years to discover the Truth Higher Self: What is something that is true? Lower self: C rex. Consciousness is all that there is. The universe and thoughts and all that is outside of my awareness is pure fantasy. Any theory about how the earth came about is all bullshit. Higher Self: What does c rex mean? Lower self: It means that consciousness, my direct awareness is all that exists, it is quite literally the only thing that I can confirm without a doubt. All this other shit about the cosmos and the universe and infinity, it's all.... Bullshit. How could I know any of that is true. This is the mistake that I have been making, my head is in the clouds, thinking that the Truth is out there but really it is right here in front of me, "hidden in plain sight."... Creating theories about the infinite universe, I am God... No.... These are all beliefs, your job in Truth work is to find out what is true without a doubt and where would you start if that is the case? You start with your direct experience here and now... And my direct experience is telling me that I am aware, I am aware of what is presently happening in this body, in this brain, in the current environment around me, that is what is true. But don't get this confused with the content of the thoughts and the things that are happening in your life, those are not true, that is the content. This is exactly what Leo is talking about in his video "Content vs Structure." The content is false, the structure is true. Do you see that? Now watch this full 3 hour video and this concept will start to seep in.

Interlude: Messages from Her Lower self: I am no one. There is no me. Don't you see that? There is no me. I do not exist. I, the person that I believe myself to be is not real. He is not a tangible thing. I've created a story inside my own head. My true nature is that of an infinite shape shifter, that can experience anything that it desires. The issue is that I will not allow my mind to get there. Why is that? Her: Fear. Lower self: Fear... But what is that? Her: Fear is what keeps you alive. Make your story beautiful. Cherish life. Dream up the most magnificent dreams that you can possibly imagine. Your hearts should be bursting with love and energy, spines tingling with joy at the majesty of existence.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #68 Wed July 30, 2025 6:55 AM Samadhi Lowers self: Hey, we need to talk about this voice in my head. What is it exactly? Higher Self: What voice? Lower self: This voice. This voice that I can hear inside of my head that is being heard by me and then being typed onto this screen. What is it? Higher self: I don't hear anything... Lower self: What do you mean? Of course you hear something, we both hear it. It's right here. Open your fucking ears. Higher Self: Nope. Lower self: Okay, whatever. Then I am hallucinating a voice inside of my own head Higher Self: Yep, that is correct. Lower self: What is a hallucination anyways? Higher self: A hallucination is something that is not real, it is completely fabricated and imagined. There is nothing tangible or concrete about it and therefore is no Truth behind it. Lower self: But the voice inside of my head feels so real to me. I can hear it speaking to me. Higher Self: Who is speaking to whom? Lower self: The voice is coming from me and is speaking to me... Ben... The voice is telling me what to do, how to behave, etc .. Higher Self: Why do you listen to this voice? Lower self: I listen to the voice because I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I cannot shut this voice off. Therefore, it just feels like it is a part of who I am. Higher Self: Why can't you shut it off? Lower self: I'm not sure. But I virtually have no control over it. I am at the mercy of this voice and therefore cannot get any peace and quiet. I just want this voice to shut the fuck up. Higher Self: You can shut it off actually. This is what a samdhi experience is like. All of your attention is pointed towards one thing. This eclipses everything else around it and you dissolve into the experience of that one thing that you are focusing on. In this state, there is no mind, no thoughts, no emotions, just pure experience, pure nothingness, pure samadhi. Lower self: Wowwwww, that sounds amazing. Higher Self: It is amazing, now get to work...

"Kill the boy and let the man be born." This is the best line for a guy. There is something about transforming yourself into somebody that is masculine, mature, and capable that is so inspiring to me.

Gods Bathroom Floor The self image is a complete fabrication. It is a mockery of Truth. Anytime you think about what another individuals perception is of you, slap yourself across the face. Thinking like this is utter nonsense. Take me away. Release me from this prison, I don't want to be here anymore. I am ready to transcend.

I am not going to hurt you I am going to support you, hold you up if I have to But we are all one You and I are the same What now?