Spiritual Warrior

One of the things that I've been realizing recently is one of the most important skills in life is learning how to let go. Letting go of thoughts, emotions, attachments to people, attachments to a specific environment, a job, a dog, a cat. Learn to let go and you will live a peaceful life because nothing is permanent, everything is going to end or change in some way so the sooner you can bite that bullet, the sooner you can start living a more care free and impactful life.

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

This is it right here in my opinion. You like this girl and you are attached to her, but you experienced one night with this woman, yes you felt comfortable enough to become intimate with her, but the reality is that you barely know her. You have no idea if a serious relationship could flourish without going out with each other but you live half way across the world. You had one of those magical nights with an amazing woman, but now it's over because nothing in life is permanent, everything always comes to an end unfortunately. Let go of your attachment to her and you will feel at peace.

Personal Journal ~ 3.11.26 I REALLY want to take back control of my mind, not allowing it to continuously think about how the human that it is occupying is being perceived. It would also help me out a lot if I 1. Didn't stay out too late on the weekdays, like leave at midnight at the latest 2. Read before you go to bed 3. Be more open and vulnerable with others, if what you are going to share causes you anxiety, it is probably a healthy thing to talk about it. 4. Start thinking and relating to people in a more outward direction, like how are YOU doing, how can I assist YOU, what do YOU need in your development, what can I provide for YOU, this is huge 5. On that token, I want to start going up to women in general and telling them that they look beautiful or gorgeous or just nice, start being friendly towards them, don't even hit on them, just compliment something that you genuinely find appealing. This is a nice baby step to start approaching more and creating a life of abundance of women. I am going to wake up at the same time tomorrow morning and go through everything that I need to figure out, job, meal plans, weight progress, all of it and I am going to get all of the morning stuff done right away. Okay, now you have everything that you need to fill the day out. Let's get a couple more sets in of pull ups and then head back to the studio to grind. Ready, go. This is your path to success.

I relate to this immensely. In the past, I've gone YEARS without any success with women whatsoever, this was EXTREMELY painful and I felt like I was stuck at the bottom of a 30 foot hole, it was dark down there and I had no idea how to get out. I have gotten much better as I have had some success over the past couple of years. I still have much more to learn but God damn that period of my life was one of the most frustrating and unsatisfying times of my life. I feel for you but there is a way out of the hole. Try to find some hope, you have overcome so many challenges in your life, this is just another challenge that you WILL overcome.

This will get you far more growth than the dating apps in my opinion

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #129 I would like to start being VERY open to criticism. My boss has recently been taking a lot of shots at me, calling me out for not listening, for not handling situations well, etc. my M.O. is to get triggered by this and get sad or mad at her for it, but I want to flip that on its head and become a man that is dispassionate and detached from the emotion. This means that he can look her in the eyes and take the criticism on and learn and grow from it. That is what I want. The other thing that I am realizing that is a positive thing albeit highlighting a negative within myself, is I am so sick of having such selfish thoughts, thinking about myself, "ohhh woe is me, poor me, why can't I get this, why does she get that and I don't, what about me, me, me, me. "Seriously, I feel like I'm a spoiled little brat inside of my own head. It's ridiculous. The funny thing is when I'm in this selfish, victim state, I am not happy, when I am thinking of others and providing value to OTHERS, I am happy, I am fulfilled, I know that I am doing Good. Lastly, let's talk about my dance partner real quick. Last night, I had dance practice with her and I had a cool insight. I get there and we're supposed to start practicing, but her and her co workers were all having fun performing their routines so I sat there and watched. I noticed that I was unable to be truly happy and proud for what they came up with. As they are strutting their stuff, all I can do is think "what about me? I want to perform something like that? When am I going to get to do that? And when am I going to get to spend time with my dance partner?" As you can see, these thoughts are all selfish, why can't I sit back and enjoy the show and hard work that these people put in? And why am I so possessive over my dance partners' time? I am constantly thinking about myself, how this or that serves me. This is annoying to me now as I want to transcend this for something higher, much higher. It's just not enjoyable to me anymore, neither is the getting triggered on an emotional level and feeling sorry for myself, neither headspace is enjoyable and I want to be more open towards Truth or Love. Opening up about my romantic feelings towards her was a great step in the right direction. I told her something that was True and of course she took it very well, nothing bad came about and now I feel so free. I still have the feelings for her but I am at peace with it, I understand that I can't have her and that's okay. I was annoyed with her at one point during the practice because I'm watching them do their routines, then she went to the bathroom for what felt like 10 minutes but it was probably 5, then she sat back down at the table and started texting. I let this slide for about 30 seconds, then I was like "can we start?" She said yes but she continues to text. Then I was like "okay, come on, you're pissing me off." Then she became visibly off emotionally, and I tried to get her to open up about it but she refused. We started dancing and things got better but she was acting weirder than usual. I am proud that I am attempting to be True to myself and creating an honest and direct communication channel which started with the opening up about the romantic feelings towards her. Nice job on that, this is a good upgrade to your dance partnership, will she take on the communication channel, we will just have to wait and see. One more thing, I really need to get a second job, I cannot go on like this without another form of income, I just can't. My boss told me that in this career that I'm in, there are 5 years of "eating shit," years 5-7 you're "comfortable,' then 7+ years you should be doing well and it should get better and better from there. Right now, I am at about 2.6 years in of eating shit, so halfway point of the shit eating. 3.10.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 2 Journal: 128 Brush teeth streak: 128 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 102 Meditation streak: 11 Approaching women visualization: 2 Abundance of sex affirmation: 2 Funniness affirmation: 10 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 10 Free talk exercise: 10 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 3 Wash face streak: 3 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 3 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 131 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #128 I sell people almost every single time on introductory lessons. I don't miss. This is because I have gotten very good at making the couple or single lady feel like they can dance. I am providing them with the confidence and vision that they can become good, competent dancers. Good job on that. The next level is to get them to "extend" which is to have a plan for them moving forward that touches on their "benefit sheet" which is what they truly want to get out of dance at a more personal, emotional, psychological level. This the next step for me, get them to extend by getting them to see a long term vision for where we can take their dancing. 3.9.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 1 Journal: 127 Brush teeth streak: 127 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 101 Meditation streak: 10 Approaching women visualization: 1 Abundance of sex affirmation: 1 Funniness affirmation: 9 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 9 Free talk exercise: 9 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 2 Wash face streak: 2 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 2 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 130 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #127 Reached the century mark for showering in the morning, great job! 3.8.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 126 Brush teeth streak: 126 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 100 Meditation streak: 9 Approaching women visualization: 0 Abundance of sex affirmation: 0 Funniness affirmation: 8 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 8 Free talk exercise: 8 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 1 Wash face streak: 1 No electronics before bed: 1 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 1 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 129 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #125 Okay, so I technically did not journal yesterday, but I had thought that I at least sent it in as I did attempt to journal while I was at my friends house last night. I must not have hit "submit." Given the circumstances, I am not going to reset that streak as this would be very harsh. 3.6.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 3 Journal: 124 Brush teeth streak: 124 Floss streak: 3 Shower streak: 98 Meditation streak: 7 Approaching women visualization: 4 Abundance of sex affirmation: 0 Funniness affirmation: 6 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 6 Free talk exercise: 6 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 7 Wash face streak: 7 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 4 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 127 Total number of women cold approached: 5 Habits & Disciplines journey entry #126 3.7.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 125 Brush teeth streak: 125 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 99 Meditation streak: 8 Approaching women visualization: 0 Abundance of sex affirmation: 0 Funniness affirmation: 7 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 7 Free talk exercise: 7 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 0 Wash face streak: 0 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 0 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 128 Total number of women cold approached: 5

@Valach for sure, I appreciate it. I will keep this in the back of my mind as I "go through it."

@Valach mmmm... I understand what you're saying. The traumas are not from the lack of success but from something entirely different and using success with women to deal with the trauma is a dead end and will not not truly heal you. An interesting take, I am open to that being true.

@Valach just finished reading all of your posts on this thread and I want to summarize your view point, please correct me if I missed anything. You're essentially saying that everyone that is currently in the stage of "pick up" have not had the success with women that they would like to have which makes them feel wounded and insecure and undeserving and unloved. Therefore, this activity is not as healthy as it seems because you are healing traumas and not necessarily growing as a person. This is a great point and I agree. However, you have to realize that a man has to cope with these wounds and insecurities and avoiding the area instead of driving straight through it is not a good solution so you HAVE to engage in pick up to some extent in order to deal with the wounds, you can't avoid it. Therefore, the most healthy way to go about this issue for guys is to actively engage in pick up while understanding what you understand, which is that this activity that I'm engaging in is healing the wounded part of me and I will eventually transcend it and move onto something more highly conscious and with a greater impact on the world. What I am describing is ego development at its core. You should not skip over stages of your ego development. Burn through every stage until the flame is completely extinguished.

You're probably right, but the insecurities and emotional wounds still need to be healed. Exhaust your desire for sex by becoming successful in the area and then you will be conscious enough to transcend it.

Probably Mastery by George Leonard, having the insight that true mastery in a field takes over 10,000 hours of work is all you need to understand what it takes to be successful in anything.

I'd bet he is in a situation where he does not have an abundance of options. He is thinking "Ooooh, an attractive woman finally likes me, I need to wife her up."

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #124 3.5.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 2 Journal: 123 Brush teeth streak: 123 Floss streak: 2 Shower streak: 97 Meditation streak: 5 Approaching women visualization: 3 Abundance of sex affirmation: 0 Funniness affirmation: 5 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 5 Free talk exercise: 5 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 6 Wash face streak: 6 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 3 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 126 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Recently, I have become frustrated with how selfish I still am despite all of the personal development work that I've put in. I am painting this as a negative thing as far as my emotional state goes but in reality becoming aware of my own selfishness is the first step towards coming down off of my self-righteous high horse. The step below this is being selfish and also not being aware of it at all, which is where I was prior to this revelation. Now, where do I go from here? It is my goal to continue to observe my behavior and be very honest with myself in terms of what is going on in the current situation, what is going on in my head, etc. it takes viewing reality in a zoomed out way and looking at it for what it TRULY is. Look for the Truth in every situation. Do not shy away from the Truth even if and especially if it hurts. Namaste.

Thank you for all the replies, I love hearing your insights. The thing that I am noticing that is a mind warp is as soon as the first comment rolled in and it was praising me for being aware of my selfishness, I jumped right back onto my self-righteous high horse and started trotting along thinking to myself "Oh yeah, look at me, I'm so conscious, I am aware of all my selfishness." Its just funny how that works, it is positive that I'm aware of the selfishness, no doubt about it. But then my mind eats it up and thinks I'm hot shit for it. Its like I don't even want to be this person that craves things anymore, material desires, more sex, more money, a bigger house. I can see that the greatest impact a human being can have on the world lies within a tier two way of thinking (I'm talking spiral dynamics here) in which he is able to zoom out and build systems that can sustain and help humanity prosper and grow. That is where real growth can be had and it is my life purpose to make as great of an impact on humanity as my potential will allow. The issue with being in tier two for me right now is I have not burned through my karma in the dating field, I am living with my mom right now, and I only make $35k a year. A person can have all the desire in the world to be at tier two where he can make the greatest impact, but if he doesn't have these more survival based needs met, there's no way he realistically makes the "quantum leap" into a tier two way of thinking. So in conclusion, I will continue to work on exhausting my desires for dating and sex, becoming a maser in my field of work, and making enough money so that I can buy a nice but modest house. While doing that, the foundational thinking mind will be looking to experience the truth within every situation that he encounters, being honest towards other people and probably more importantly towards himself.

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #123 I find it fascinating that despite how much work that I've put into my personal development, my ego continues to get very triggered by things. My emotional state is never at rest, my brain chatter is constant, constantly complaining about a situation here or there, "she did this to me... Why would he do that ..I'm never going to talk to her again... She doesn't even care about me." It's like bro, calm the fuck down. Everything is fine, you are on a good track and more importantly, you are not the only specimen on this earth, it's not all about you! It frustrates me that I am still so selfish, but then again this is a positive step in the right direction, being aware of your own selfishness and self centeredness is the start of a path that takes you off of your self - righteous high horse. There is much more to life, there is a much greater impact that you can have beyond the petty things that are going on in your mind. 3.4.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 1 Journal: 122 Brush teeth streak: 122 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 96 Meditation streak: 3 Approaching women visualization: 1 Abundance of sex affirmation: 1 Funniness affirmation: 3 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 3 Free talk exercise: 3 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 4 Wash face streak: 4 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 1 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 124 Total number of women cold approached: 5

I've gone on two dates with a girl and she is very into me, all I have to do is set up the logistics and this will lead us to an intimate experience with each other. I am NOT looking for something serious right now as I want to date around with multiple women and I also don't see a future with her. I intuit that the right thing to do here is to let her know that I am not looking to turn this into a serious relationship as this is how I would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. The issue with this is if I tell the girl this before sex then I might not get the sex. Now you might think that I'm cold and crass for allowing myself to think like this, but I think a vast majority of us men have this exact thought, we are just unaware of it or will not admit it to others. I am doing the opposite, I am highlighting my own selfishness as highly conscious people are built on the foundation of brute honesty and truth, even if and especially if it paints you in a negative light. I know what the right thing to do is... the question is... will I actually do it? The fact that I am contemplating this and am not gung ho about it shows to me how selfish and biased I am. I just said that this is what I would want from the girl, yet I'm not going to give her the same courtesy? Double standards at its finest out of pure selfishness. Fuck that - I am going to tell her before having sex with her. This is the highly conscious and truthful way to go about it. I want to be a player in order to become an attractive man but I would like to do it in a highly conscious way - I have much to learn but this is a good start. I am going to seduce this woman while being COMPLETELY truthful and honest with her. And if it doesn't work out because of that I can sleep well tonight knowing that I did the right thing. Curious as to what ya'll think. Feel free to share opinions.

Habits & Disciplines journey entry #122 3.3.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 121 Brush teeth streak: 121 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 95 Meditation streak: 2 Approaching women visualization: 0 Abundance of sex affirmation: 0 Funniness affirmation: 2 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 2 Free talk exercise: 2 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 3 Wash face streak: 3 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No ejaculation streak: 0 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 123 Total number of women cold approached: 5

You right

Appreciate the candidness. You're right, this is low conscious behavior - not something that I want to be a part of.

Personal Journal ~ 3.3.26 Okay so I am feeling frustrated right now with my lack of discipline. Before I start down the rabbit hole of everything thats wrong with me right now, lets highlight some things that I have been doing well recently. Some highlights: I’ve been able to tap into a newfound masculine aura in which I don’t care what others think and I go after what I want - right now I am experiencing the first level of this, I can tell that there are layers to this work right here and I am only scratching the surface I reached 72 days of not smoking weed I’ve completely given up alcohol, reaching over 100 days straight without it I am a lot more organized in my daily life, my room is never as messy as it used to be I have been journaling every day for 100+ days straight I am becoming noticeably better at teaching dance as well as dancing. My lesson count results haven’t really shown that but I am starting to think more long term as the lesson counts will grow in the near future I have 3 to 5 very solid students that I see long term commitment with. It would take something catastrophic for them to leave I am starting to have a much better grasp over my student base and I am pushing them to come in more Creativity is blossoming as my choreography has been getting better and better I have approached 5 women in the past month, 4 of them at a nightclub and another one at a CVS. In this process, I have been going out with one of the girls on a consistent basis for the past couple of weeks, the next step is to create some intimacy with her - I am also debating whether or not to tell her before I have sex with her that I am not looking for anything serious I have a newfound vision to become a highly conscious pick up artist that shares insights with people on YouTube I have a vision of becoming a world champion dancer, this has motivated me greatly and it is probably the only thing in my life that I am sure about without any doubt in my mind. I admitted that I started to have romantic feelings towards my dance partner. This was a very fulfilling and emotionally challenging event and I am super proud that I was able to do it 28 days without ejaculating Some areas to work on: I want to start getting out of bed as soon as I wake up and start my day. I have to realize that I have all of these goals that I would love to actualize in my life so lets get fuckin’ to it. Stop wasting time. What do I waste time doing? Sleeping. Scrolling on YouTube and Instagram and Spotify. Okay, lets stop. Just stop. Do you want to cut these things out completely? Yes. Yes I do. The biggest problem right now is just that I don’t have any control over my life. I don’t run my schedule. I don’t understand how I’m doing with my habits. I don’t know why I’m even doing the habits. I understand my vision but I don’t have the practical things taken care of, such as finances and daily habits and room cleanliness and car cleanliness. Getting these things handles would do absolute wonders for my mental health and success in general. The thing that I notice the most is I have all of these cravings, a craving to listen to a song, a craving to watch a video, a craving to scroll, a craving to check my messages or my email, it is exhausting. I want to start putting awareness on all of these urges so that I can take control of the situation. How does my financial situation look? What am I going to do about that? I don’t know - that side of things feel so fuckin’ overhwhelming - which is why you need to get on it and take some responsibility over it. Go to a financial institution if you have to. Okay, I have to go to work, going to have to come back to this later.