Spiritual Warrior

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #186 ~ Tue Aug 4 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 15 Groom hair: 15 Brush teeth: 15 Floss: 1 Take medication: 15 Make bed: 8 Meditate: 0 No porn: 9 No ejaculation: 15 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 2 Clean car: 1

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #185 ~ Mon Aug 3 '26 There is something off about Arthur Murray. Right now, when I think about the business, it makes me feel gross. I understand that we are helping people and providing value to them, but there is now this intuitive feeling that what we are doing here is wrong in some way, or just not up to my standards. the intuitive feeling that I am feeling is difficult to communicate, but I would describe it as feeling gross. Firstly, I don't respect my boss anymore because he hurt my feelings. I don't think he genuinely cares about the people under him, I'm not even sure what his motive is anymore, but he doesn't care at all, everything that he does is fake, its to put on a show. I know now that I don't want to be here forever. This place harbors an idea that if you achieve something, then you will be happy. This whole paradigm is completely false. True hapiness lies within the ability to just sit there with nothing at all and be content and happy with that. With that in mind, I'm not totally sure where to go from here because I still have dating goals that make me sick thinking about them too much, and I still have dance goals, which make me frustrated when I think about them too much. And then of course, I have projects with students that I am very passionate about, and lets not forget that I love everybody at the studio very much (With the exception of my boss's boss) who I have no respect for anymore. What a dick. Daily goals: Shower: 14 Groom hair: 14 Brush teeth: 14 Floss: 0 Take medication: 14 Make bed: 7 Meditate: 0 No porn: 8 No ejaculation: 14 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #184 ~ Sun Aug 2 '26 I have had the most emotionally challenging day in a very long time and also one of the most emotionally challenging weeks. I'm at a dance event, just woke up, everything is over now we just have breakfast and I get to go home. I CANNOT WAIT to be alone as I've gotten emotionally triggered time and time again over these past 24 hour. Right now I feel embarrassed and agitated. Maybe I'll journal about what happened later. Anyways, here's my habit tracker from yesterday. Keep your head up man, today try to find some things that you're grateful for. Daily goals: Shower: 13 Groom hair: 13 Brush teeth: 13 Floss: 13 Take medication: 13 Make bed: 6 Meditate: 0 No porn: 7 No ejaculation: 13 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 7 Wash face before bed: 7 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1 I get triggered a lot at my job. This isn't a bad thing, it is allowing me to tackle the things that I need to tackle. I love making a difference in people's lives, I love the communal aspect of my job, it's as if we are all in this big love bubble, one that is supportive and cares about one another. Of course, within this bubble, I get triggered emotionally. I feel less than, I feel like Im not good enough, I feel unloved, I feel disrespected, I don't know what to do in this situations. But there are so many people here that love me, that's what keeps me going. I want to create incredible solos here ones that have high artistic integrity, I want to make a lot of money doing what I love here. I want to have a healthy romantic relationship separate form this place and maybe even eventually inside of it. And then I would like to transcend this place as I don't think it has the artistic integrity that I'm looking for. Some of these people that are in a position of power here, yes they are impressive and successful, there's no doubt about that, but to what end and how did you get here? Are you making a real contribution towards humanity or are you just in it for the money? Do you walk your talk or are you a slave to the system? Do you actually care about me or do you use me like a pawn to make yourself more money? Are you being fake in your interactions with people? Do you genuinely want what's best for everyone here? Eventually I would like to live a quiet life in the woods where I can contemplate reality and talk to God. I want to understand what enlightenment is. I want to experience what death is. I want to solve the mysteries of the universe. I want to have enough financial freedom so that I have the space to do that. And... I want to dance, I want to compete and create amazing things at my job, ones that fill people up, ones that move them emotionally, and like I tell my students, don't be so hard on yourself, you are growing, you have a clear path ahead towards greatness. This is so easy to say to them, but do you really believe it? And do you embody it yourself? Not really... I am so fuckin hard on myself. I hate myself sometimes, thinking that I'm absolute shit, when in reality I'm comparing myself to people that have been in the business longer than me. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate my former dance partner. She's not nice to me, I don't kike being around her, and I honestly don't enjoy seeing her succeed. I never want to dance with her again.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #183 ~ Sat Aug 1 '26 I do this thing with women in which if I enjoy my time with her then I want to hold onto her, I want to grasp her. I don't want to let her go. This is a crush essentially. But I don't want to crush on the women at work anymore. I want a new girl that is outside of this business. Good job with your habits. I can see you growing right before my very eyes. I am so excited to see who and what you become in this life. I'm so proud of you. Daily goals: Shower: 12 Groom hair: 12 Brush teeth: 12 Floss: 12 Take medication: 12 Make bed: 5 Meditate: 0 No porn: 6 No ejaculation: 12 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 6 Wash face before bed: 6 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #182 ~ Thu Jul 30 '26 Camp is going really well this week. Remember when I said that I was really stressed out? Im doing fine now, I have hit a nice groove where I again don't need anything from anybody. Sometimes I do get frustrated with myself that I don't have a girlfriend, I'll feel like no one is interested in me romantically and it hurts, but other times I am just so non- needy from anything and anyone, I am able to just be myself and whatever comes of that I'm okay with. That's one of the main things that I've gotten from this job. My authentic self is finally coming out to play. I don't care about playing a certain character or role, I am going to be me. What a cool breakthrough. Daily goals: Shower: 10 Groom hair: 10 Brush teeth: 10 Floss: 10 Take medication: 10 Make bed: 3 Meditate: 1 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 10 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 4 Wash face before bed: 4 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #181~ Wed Jul 29 '26 I keep falling into the trap of not working on my dating life and just hoping that I will somehow miraculously get out of the friend zone. What a fuckin joke. I'm done with these girls. Stop selling yourself short. You are the catch, anyone that doesn't want you is simply not the right person for you. Now go out there and do something about it. The longer I go without porn and ejaculation, the more in tuned I am with my desire for a girl in my life. Although I go through the frustration of feeling the sting of not having what I want in my life, this is a positive thing. Daily goals: Shower: 9 Groom hair: 9 Brush teeth: 9 Floss: 9 Take medication: 9 Make bed: 2 Meditate: 0 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 9 Eat 150 g of protein: 8 No electronics after 11pm: 7 Brush teeth before bed: 3 Wash face before bed: 3 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #180~ Tue Jul 28 '26 I am so fuckin' stressed out this week. I have a sports camp to run and I have an overnight dance event this weekend and I also have to stay at my moms to take care of her fuckin' cat. This is bullshit. I am so fuckin stressed out and I don't know how to say no to people. As soon as this week is over, I am going to take a good hard look at my schedule and I'm going to start prioritizing what I want, which is mainly career, getting jacked, finances, and getting a girlfriend. I don't have time to help all of you people. And I don't have time to compete. And I HATE staying over someones house and housesitting, I absolutely hate it. I have to pack things up. I always forget stuff. And it stressed me the fuck out. God, please help me get through this week. Daily goals: Shower: 8 Groom hair: 8 Brush teeth: 8 Floss: 8 Make bed: 1 Meditate: 2 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 8 Eat 150 g of protein: 7 No electronics after 11pm: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 2 Wash face before bed: 2 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #179~ Mon Jul 27'26 Daily goals: Shower: 7 Groom hair: 7 Brush teeth: 7 Floss: 7 Make bed: 0 Meditate: 1 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 7 Eat 150 g of protein: 6 No electronics after 11pm: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1 Sometimes I question why I'm doing what I'm doing. And why am I always so stressed out and busy? Why can't I just relax and contemplate God and reality. But the truth is that there's nothing that Id rather do than dance to earn a living, I know that for a fact. So that's an easy decision.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #178 ~ Sum Jul 26 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 6 Groom hair: 6 Brush teeth: 6 Floss: 6 Make bed: 5 Meditate: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 6 Eat 150 g of protein: 5 No electronics after 11pm: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0 Clean room: 0 Clean car: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #177 ~ Sat Jul 25 '26 I love having this journal. What a great way to hold myself accountable. My mixture of meditation and no porn / semen retention has triggered me into knowing that I do want to improve my dating / sex life. Despite working with women at your job, this is not going to happen organically. I know this because it hasn't worked like that so far in your life so why would anything change. This is a hard pill to swallow because I don't want to deal with the dating stuff. I am so fuckin' shy and I don't like making things sexually direct, but this must be the next thing that I have to deal with. I can't keep going on without addressing this aspect in my life. I also hate being rejected, but that is part of the process and I am going to have to curve my way into the storm. Good luck. Daily goals: Shower: 5 Groom hair: 5 Brush teeth: 5 Floss: 5 Make bed: 4 Meditate: 4 No porn: 5 No ejaculation: 5 Eat 150 g of protein: 4 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #176 ~ Fri Jul 24 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 4 Groom hair: 4 Brush teeth: 4 Floss: 4 Make bed: 3 Meditate: 3 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 Eat 150 g of protein: 3 No electronics after 11pm: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #175 ~ Thu Jul 23 '26 It feels really good to knock these habits out. I'm still feeling a lot of conflicting emotions right now, going through a lot of emotional baggage. I feel as though I have no control over these things, events and circumstances just trigger me and the only thing I have control over is how I deal with it. At the end of the day I don't want to be mad at anyone. I want to be able to trigger a psycho mode while working out or a hyper focused mode while dancing, but I never want to be pissed at anyone, this is unresourceful and frankly not healthy for your body. The people in my life are fabrications in my mind. There are real entities, but they do not have an inherent Truth behind them. The truth is what you make it in terms of them. These people are floating balls of consciousness. Consciousness is all around you. I dont actually see this in my present experience but I can see that this is what the spiritual teachers are pointing me towards. With all of these anthropological books that I've read ( A Separate reality, The Theory of Everything, etc.) in which the person is having outer body experiences, Ive started to take a look at dreams in a different way. Am I entering a separate reality while sleeping or is this just a construct inside of my own mind? That's the other thing, how do I know if something is a mental construct or if it is a real tangible insight into the future? What is the difference in the feeling of it? The people in my life are awesome but they trigger me sometimes. I sometimes feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about in terms of dancing and that I have nothing to offer and that I suck at my job. That's how I felt yesterday. I was questioning everything that I was doing and felt like I sucked at everything. I haven't felt like that in a while but nonetheless, I did. Daily goals: Shower: 3 Groom hair: 3 Brush teeth: 3 Floss: 3 Make bed: 2 Meditate: 2 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 3 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 No electronics after 11pm: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #174 ~ Wed Jul 22 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 2 Groom hair: 2 Brush teeth: 2 Floss: 2 Make bed: 1 Meditate: 1 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 2 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0 I'm really happy that this journal is back. I want to hold myself accountable for a lot of things in life. Without it, I am just floating, wandering around without anyone keeping me in check. Sometimes I get really pissed that this girl left me for some other dance partner. This girl in particular makes me feel bipolar, sometimes shes my favorite person, sometimes I hate her and want nothing to do with her. I'm in the I want nothing to do with her phase at the moment. Its honestly not fair to her to have someone treat her with such inconsistency, but at the same time, I don't really give a fuck. I don't care how I affect people anymore. I mean I do, but at the same time, its more important to me to be authentic and genuine. I'm not going to bend over backwards for people, especially when they don't do the same for me. Last night, I worked out and I was in a psycho mode, so pissed off, I was working out like a beast. This is a great skill, I want to be able to trigger myself while at the gym, so much so that I'm in an animalist beast mode. This is possible to tap into on command. Take Luka Doncic for example, he palys basketball like a little kid at times, just having fun, but then he flips a switch and he turns into an absolute psycho. This is me. This feels good to me. This gets results. I want results. I want to be jacked. I want to be better than every fuckin' dancer in this building. I want to fuck. Everyone get the hell out of my way. I'll either take you with me or bury you alive. Life is weird. Or maybe more accurately, my mind is weird. Can it stop moving it's fuckin' lips please? Can it just relax for a second? Nah it just wants to masturbate all fuckin day. Does it know that I don't need him in order to survive? Once it realized this, it will fight me tooth and nail to keep its life.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #173 ~ Tue Jul 21 '26 I am going to bring back a habit journal so that I can track my habits. Whenever I look at something or hear or smell something, a perception immediately arises. This is wired into my brain in order for me to surive. The problem with this is I now live in a fantasy world, full of perceptions and pictures in my head. There is never a time when I am actually BEING or at the very least experiencing the thing for what it actually is. My next challenge is to find a way to experience something without any preconceived notions about it. 7/20/26: Shower: 1 Groom hair: 1 Brush teeth: 1 Floss: 1 Make bed: 0 Meditate: 0 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 1 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 7/21-7/27: Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 I am going to track this shit like clockwork. I've entered my masculine era. Just watch and see what I become. I am going to do a new solo to this song with my dance coach. This depicts the relationship that I have with my dance coach. She's been working with me for about a year now on a weekly basis. We had talked about working together the other day but we didn't have a song in mind. I picked this song because I get so overwhelmed by this job sometimes, and whenever I feel overwhelmed, I am able to come to her for help on anything. I cannot describe how grateful I am for her in my life.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #172 ~ Fri Jul 17 '26 A lot has changed since my last post on here. I have hit a groove where I am really happy at work and in my personal relations. I just love everybody and I feel like I don't need anything from anyone, that is key. I can't describe how good things are right now actually. I've started to really take hold of my life and I am ready to continue to create something remarkable with it. A very cool thing has been happening to me, I have been attracting lengthy interactions with people more and more, people really enjoy being around me. I believe it's because I am acting genuine and authentic and completely non- needy. I don't need anything from you, I'm good on my own, this creates a dynamic with everyone that I talk to that is genuine and caring but at the same time independent from outcome. I get to see my favorite person tomorrow, which I am excited about. I'm not going to pursue sex anymore, I don't need it. I am going to hang out with the people that Id like to hang out with and sex will come. I will continue to omit porn from my diet and see where that takes me. I have developed myself enough that women will fall into my lap, and if they don't, that's okay too, my life is so full as it is, sometimes I feel like I cant handle anything more, like my cup is so full as it is, if anything else is added it will overflow. This is because you are now providing genuine value to others, which deeply excites me. I want more though of course, I want to be jacked and shredded, I want to look really good and hot out there on the dance floor, I want to be organized and clear headed, etc... The three main things that I'm working on right now are 1. Getting jacked 2. Having a clean and clear environment and mind and 3. Becoming a successful dancer and dance instructor

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #92 ~ Fri July 3 '26 ~ 8:19 PM My own experience of how things are is stained with bullshit.. and I mean actual shit. There is shit stained on every inch of my brain. And by shit, I mean falisty. What is false is carved into my skin. I want to peel back my skin, layer by layer, until Truth is revealed. This is the heart of a true Spriritual Warrior. Higher Self: Don't get this confused, this is not me being egoic, I am simply laying down the foundation for you to climb. And if climbing is what you intend to do, buckle in because this ride is nothing to mistake for an amusement ride. This is a direct path, if you so want it. But.... I can't explain it to you because unfortunately, the Truth is beyond labels. And if all labels are false, then the Truth must lie beneath or above or just somewhere other than the domain where labels are true. Can you pretend, just for a second, that you do not know what this thing is that you are experiencing. You hear things, you see things, you taste, you write, you imagine.. What is all of this? And don't come back at me with more labels, we've already established that there are none. What we are looking for is Truth, which is the opposite of whats false. If you want to wake up, I mean truly wake up, you will have to let go of all of your labels and beliefs. Lower self: But what about all of the models that science has prescribed to us? They are so useful, are they not? Higher Self: They are only useful if you do not care about waking up. Wake up first, dream later. Lower self: Sounds a bit paradoxical, don't you think? Higher Self: Of course, but a paradox is mere nothingness to the beholder. The beholder and paradox have nothing in common but also everything in common. You will understand this once you take on the beast. Lower self: What beast? Higher Self: The Beast inside of you. He wants to come out, but you are caging him up because you are afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of Death. I bring up death because when you die, you will discover Truth, you have no choice in the matter. Death is merging into the Absolute realm that has been right here all along, right under your nose. But you're too egoic to see that, too attached, too selfish. When you discover what's True in this lifetime, your attachments, your self image, your way of being will all die. And guess what, you've already taken that first step, so you are already dead. You are driving down a steep hill at 100 mph. And at the bottom, a pool of water that will bathe and cleanse you and give you wings so that you can fly up into the clouds and merge with the Absolute. Now don't you dare take my words literally, these words are mere metaphors. Remember, all labels are false, which makes all communication false. What I am saying to you right now is stained with bullshit, but what I am saying is pointing you towards something, it is meant to unlock the next door for you, (or unlock the next gear if you like the driving the car at breakneck speed analogy.)

This is my first honest attempt at doing spiritual autolysis. This is a method to attaining truth- realization coined by Jed McKenna. "Autolysis" means self-digestion, and "Spiritual" means the level of self that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional aspects. All you really have to do is write the truth. Just write down what you know is true, or what you think is true, and just keeping writing, until you come up with something that is true. Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #1 - Wed Apr 19 '23 - 8:28 AM Lower self: I am a human being. My name is Ben. I know that I am a human being because I was told that I am a human being from my schooling and my parents and everyone else within society. I am told that we as human beings have evolved from chimpanzees or bonobos. Higher self: Okay... do you have any direct experience of yourself as being a human being? Lower self: No... this is just what I have been told. Higher self: Okay... then how do you know that it is true? Lower self: Well... I don't. I am just trusting what other people have told me. Higher self: Okay, then we agree that you do not know for a fact that you are a human being? Lower self: Yes. I agree... My name is Ben though. I was given this name from my parents when I first came out of the womb. Higher self: Have you ever experienced what it means to be Ben? Lower self: Well... I have a bunch of beliefs and pictures in my head that I feel like embody who I, or Ben is as a person, i.e. what Ben is good at, what he's bad at, which people are my best friends, who Ben's family is, etc. Higher self: Okay... Would you agree that these are all just beliefs and pictures in your head, this Ben cannot be a truth within the universe. There is nothing fundamental about it. You do not know what it is like to be Ben. These are all just fictions in your head, beliefs about yourself, there is no being to speak of. Lower self: Yes, I agree. I am starting to see a recurring pattern here. Does the truth lie within being? Higher self: Yes, I think so. Lower self: Well how do you know? Higher self: Well... I don't know, it just seems like the correct way of thinking about things. If all of these beliefs and fictions in our heads are just that, fictions like Pete Ralston has talked about, then how else are we going to come to the truth about things. Lower self: First off, you are putting your faith in Peter Ralston too much. How do you know what he is saying is true? Higher self: You're right, I don't. I want to question what he is saying as well. But... we have already established that there is no inherent truth to the Ben label or the human being label, correct? And this has been established because when we boil down the human being label, this is just a label that other people have come up with in order to label what this species should be called. We call this species human beings. No pure truth to this. Just a label. Same with the beliefs that you hold about Ben, no pure, fundamental truth there either. That is what this work is all about, cutting past all of the bullshit labels and getting to what is truly TRUE. That is what we are after here, and I think this was a good start young Padawan. Lower self: Thank you When will we speak again? Higher self: When you are ready.

Daily goals list: Wake up at 8 am daily: 0 Meditate daily: 5 Brush teeth and wash face every night: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculating: 5

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #171 ~ Thu Jul 2 '26 I am finding something rather ugly about myself right now. I am struggling to build lessons at the moment, I had 15 last week and only 9 this week. I just got back from heart surgery so I should be giving myself some grace and zooming out, this is just a phase, I have no momentum right now. But anyways, the thing thats ugly is I'll get pissed when I see my co workers doing well now, because I'm not doing well so seeing them succeed makes me feel inferior, makes me feel crappy and I think things like "what's so good about them, why are they getting all this success?" Ugly, really ugly thoughts. These are my friends. I care about them. But when I am in a mode where I feel shitty about myself, it's like I want everyone else to feel shitty with me. What a selfish fuck I am. I am really. What is wrong with me? The thing is though is that there absolutely nothing wrong with me. Being honest about how you are feeling and the thoughts running through your head, that is the start. I am being honest with you here. I am describing the ugliness of my thoughts. This is just where my ego is, he isn't able to zoom out when he's feeling down and realize that this is just one day, this is just one mood, things will in fact get better. He doesn't seem to be able to have that capacity to zoom out. Anyways, Ive done a good job of meditating every day, taking my meds and supplements daily, waking up for the most part at 8 am and washing my face and brushing my teeth at night. I am doing well right now. I have a masculine energy that is being directed towards work and working out. I'm pissed right now about a lot of things, that is what's fueling me. And again, there's nothing wrong with that, in the past, I would suppress this anger by saying, "I'm better than this, I shouldn't be mad at these people, I shouldnt want revenge." But revenge is a GREAT motivator. And its not like I'm not a loving person, I am. I am far too conscious through this work to have a net negative impact on the people around me. I'm far too aware of what I'm doing and thinking. But I want to prove all the doubters wrong, I am in the expert phase of my ego development, becoming uniquely good in this field and I am using strong emotions to fuel me, indicative of the LOC 300s, modeled by Ramaji. I have MUCH farther to go, I want to reach LOC 1000 one day, but this is a slow burn. My ego must embody and then transcend each stage. Daily goals list: Wake up at 8 am daily: 0 Meditate daily: 4 Brush teeth and wash face every night: 4 No porn: 0 No ejaculating: 4 "Progress doesn't shout, it whispers" You might think that my motivation is crude right now, trying to be better than other people, seeking revenge, proving people wrong, but at least I'm working towards something. I don't think I've ever felt this alive actually. I want to tackle and conquer. I want to stick my dick inside of this metaphorical world and fuck it's brains out. I am giving my ego what it wants. It wants to be seen. It wants to cry out, it wants to grind, it wants to be unique. Let's curve into this egos uniqueness. Go down the path and don't stop until it's salivating at the mouth from all of the food that it can eat.

TheHabits & Disciplines Journey Entry #170 ~ Tue Jun 30 '26 Todays schedule: Wake up at 8 am ✔️ Meditate ✔️ Shower ☑️ Eat breakfast ☑️ 10:30 Head to the gym 11-12 Work out 12 Head to work to start on planning spreadsheets and working on certification 2:00 Practice dance 4-10 work 10 Work on certification What do I want? Smooth vest $200 Slimmer dance pants $200 New smooth shirt $200 Flowy costume $50 New rhythm shirt $400 New shoes $200 Total: $1250 And I have $5200 in my bank account. Should I do it? I am investing in my dance career, but is this too much? I am being sucked back into the void that is Arthur Murray. The grind does not stop. Of course, the skills that I am leaning are helpful. I'm becoming more organized, I have a vision for things now, I am more disciplined, I have something to work towards. My ego needs this right now. My ego wants revenge. It wants to be jacked and to get that girl back. It wants success and prosperity. It wants respect and dignity. It wants to be highly masculine. It wants to stop caring about what others think and to be grounded and stoic. This is what my ego wants and needs. So give that to him. And in the meantime, I'm going to continue to question what kind of void I am in in this life.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #169 ~ Mon Jun 29 '26 Dear diary, I am ready to transcend this world and live in a nondual state. But help me allow this dream character of mine to grow and to understand and to experience everything that he desires. He deserves to be loved. He deserves peace. Help me bring the all of the success and the peace that he wants. This journal is back and I am going to start holding myself accountable to the habits that I have instilled for a specific reason, which is to reach a goal. This goal is out there in the abstract, but it is something to work towards. Todays Schedule: 8 am Wake up and shower 8:30 Meditate: 9:00 Eat breakfast: 9:30 Start cooking food for myself 10:30 leave for the gym 11:00 Work out 12:00 head to the studio 12-1 Work on spreadsheets 1-10 Work 10 Leave for practice 10:30-11:30 Practice Get home for midnight and go to bed Daily goals list: Wake up at 8 am daily: 2 Meditate daily: 2 Brush teeth and wash face every night: 1 No porn: 1 No ejaculating: 1 Weekly goals list: Workout 4x a week: I'm still really pissed off about my dance parter breaking up with me. It fuels me to be better than she will ever be. Sometimes I think that this mindset is wrong, and in a sense it is, its not very worldly, accepting, its just not very developed. To be hurt by somebody and to want to hurt them back.. you would think I'd be above that by now. However, I'm not... I want revenge on her. I want to get so good that she regrets ever leaving me. I want to win dance competitions with a different dance partner and I want to rub it in her face. I don't like her anymore. I want to become so good, I am unrecognizable.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #168 ~ Thu Jun 25 '26 i want to transcend all of my desires. unlocking the code that is women is not fun for me anymore. I want to transcend it. From now on, I am going to work on my craft, I am going to become an expert in the field of ballroom dancing. I am going to become an expert teacher, one that creates amazing dancers out of my students. I am done chasing women. I will not waste my mental energy on them anymore, I am done. No more songs about them, no more thinking about them, I am completely done. Lets start breaking down how my life should be scheduled from now on. I have a nice foundation of things that I would like to work on from here on out. I want to become an expert in the ballroom field, I want to be clear headed and have an organized life, and I want to have a shredded physique, one that is highly attractive. It really is that simple, that is all that I want. What am I going to do in order to achieve these things, lets set your life up right now. Sunday: Do laundry Meal prep Give yourself a haircut Monday: 8am Wake up and shower 8:30 Meditate 9:00 Eat breakfast & get ready for the day 9:30 head to the gym 10:00 Work out (Chest) 11:00 - head to the studio 1-10 Work Tuesday: 8am Wake up and shower 8:30 Meditate 9:00 Eat breakfast & get ready for the day 9:30 Head to the gym 10:00 Work out (Legs) 11:00 head to the studio 4-10 Work Wednesday: 8:00 Wake up and shower 8:30 Meditate 9:00 Eat breakfast & get ready 9:30 Head to coaching 10-12 Coaching 12-2 Dance training 2-10 Work Thursday: 8:00 Wake up and shower 8:30 meditate 9:00 Eat breakfast & get ready 9:30 head to grocery store 10 Grocery shop 11:00 Cook for Thursday, Friday, Saturday 1:00 Head to gym 1:30 Work out (Back) 2:30 head to studio 4-10 Work Friday: 8:00 Wake up and shower 8:30 Meditate 9:00 Eat breakfast & get ready 9:30 Head to the gym 10:00 Work out (Upper) 11 Head to the studio Work 1-10 Saturday: Open What does the remainder of my week look like: For today (today is Thursday): I really just want to get ready to do my routine on Friday, but I have things going on today that I have to take care of

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #167 ~ Tue Jun 23 '26 I've bee having a hard time grasping the things going on in my life right now. I am confused as to what to do, but the fog is starting to clear. Learning about the nine stages of ego development has helped me tremendously. I am still in the expert stage, attached to the way that I look, comparing myself to others, and there is a desire to become an expert in a field, to become the top 1% in that field, I want to be unique. But I can feel the achiever stage starting to bud. I can feel myself wanting to make a larger impact on a larger group of people, an impact that is more profound and deeper than just teaching people how to dance. After rewatching Johanna's video on The Achiever, I actually think that I resonate a lot more with this stage than the previous one, at least in terms of what I want for myself and what I can see myself moving towards. I don't just want to be seen as a competent person and dancer, I want to independently think and contribute to society in my own way. I want to no longer care about what others think of me in favor of having the impact that I want to have on humanity. In order to kick start this process, I want to continue to grow a youTube channel that touches on this kind of stuff and spiritual or philosophical content. Some things that I want at the... Expert Stage: I want a shredded physique, I want to be one of the best ballroom dancers in CT, I want people to want to work with me, I want people to think I'm incredibly hot. Achiever Stage: I want to have a profound impact on humanity, I want to help others accomplish their goals and I don't mind delegating my work in order for them to achieve that, I want to think for myself - I value independent thinking, I want to start thinking about what is best for the greater good, there is a budding interest in systems thinking and how to raise everyone up within the system. now, you may be wondering why am I talking about ego development stages in a habits and disciplines journal. This is the thing, for a while, I was grinding out routines and I thought they were helping and they were, but I need a reason for why I am doing what I am doing, which is indicative of the achiever stage, I am thinking for myself and creating a life for myself that matches the values and my vision. That is the goal here. Lastly, I am going to take a quick look at the pluralist or individualist stage, which is the next level above the achiever. Individualist Stage: So I am in no way full embodying the individualist stage, my ego is much to consumed by personal gain and personal success. However, you have to remember, this is just a model and also the model states that you can have little bits of each stage within you. Where I truly resonate with this stage is in my pursuit of Truth. I am thinking for myself about the burning questions of the universe and I don't give a damn what culture and society thinks about it. I am asking these questions for myself and by myself, completely independent of culture. This is where I'm heaing and I'm starting to believe that I am much more achiever and individualist based over the expert stage. This stage is literally describing an individual that is ready to transcend his own mind in favor of Enlightenment. He is past culture, he is past society, he is past caring what others thinking of him, his thinking is COMPLETELY independent, he is ready to realize that life is a dream.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #166 ~ Mon Jun 22 '26 I am back working full time now. I am starting to question just about everything that I am doing with my life right now. I like a girl again, the same girl.. she doesn't like me back.. This whole saga fills me with negative emotions, at the same time, I want to be with her for the rest of my life, I want to end up with her. Can I just manifest that and let go? Does it work like that? Right now though, I wish I could get her out of my head, every time I see her, its nice until she leaves and then I'm sad and thinking about her all the time, longing for her, yearning for her. Its the yearning really, thats whats painful. Its the lack of having what you want. And since its a physical person, there is so much emotional charge to it. Its not an an object, its another organism that makes you feel things. Anyways, sometimes I really just want to forget about her, completely forget. And maybe thats exactly what you need. I mean do you even want a girlfriend? I don't know. Theres a lot that I don't know and it starts by taking a good hard look at the things going on in my life and what I want. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to set things up today because I am going into work at 1 o'clock today (This is my first week back). You know what, I think I do want to date somebody.. I just don't really feel like going through all of the trouble, but I certainly could. This is the time for it. And it would probably get my mind off of this other girl that doesn't like me like that. I honestly get annoyed with all of the yearning for a female in my life. I'd much rather meditate and work on becoming enlightened, but here we are, I am a heterosexual man after all and I haven't had intimacy since November of last year. I am a unique male in that I go long periods without intimacy. I don't express my attraction towards women in a smooth way I don't think and I don't handle rejection very well. This is a recipe for not getting laid very often. I'd like to focus on the man that I am going to become. Do not direct your thoughts onto one human, direct your thoughts onto whats in your future, what are you building, what incredible insight are you going to have today. How clear headed can you be? This girl, at least right now, is a total distraction to your spiritual pursuits. I have been looking into the "nine stages of ego development" and I would say that I am at times at the Expert phase but at times at the achiever. The expert wants to master something, he wants to be unique in some way, he wants accolades, he wants success in that field. Quite frankly, I have not maximized that out here at Arthur Murray, I have much more to work on there. The idea here though is you have to eventually transition into the achiever stage in which you are thinking more about the impact that you are having on the world. You take your career trajectory more seriously. Really though, I just want to experience deep insights about reality. And then I can share those insights with the world. Dancing is fun and all but there is a lot more to it than dancing, I have to choreography and perform, (which I do enjoy) and I have to plan things out and deal with lots of emotional turmoil when dealing with other instructors. I am confused as to what to do and honestly I just want time to myself to figure it out. But I have to create this thing for Pam, which maps out her future here for the rest of the year. And if I don't do it now, I'm not sure when I will. I want a break. I want a break from everything so that I can just chill by myself. But you had that for 8 weeks, did you not?